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A few days passed since the day I talked with Yukinoshita and the others in the club room. In that time, my life consisted of only going home and going to school back and forth. Even at home, I didn't even see Komachi and never really had a real conversation.
My only speaking partner was just Komachi's cat, Kamakura. I would probably go straight home after homeroom without visiting the club today as well. The words of the homeroom teacher went in one ear out the other with those thoughts in mind. Homeroom ended shortly after. I grabbed my bag and stood up. Yuigahama was still in the classroom since I could hear her mixed in with the other chatting voices. I fixed my head downwards such that it wasn't facing in her direction and I quickly walked. When I arrived at the front of the door, someone suddenly tapped my shoulders.
"Mind if I talk to you a bit?" When I turned around, the person before me was Hayama and his refreshing smile.
"…What do you want?" When I answered, Hayama looked around him before telling me to come over.
Apparently, he wanted to have a secret chat. But getting my face all close to Hayama was definitely something I didn't want to do. Actually, Ebina's still here you know… That's just kind of, a little… It's so embarrassing… Well, whatever. We never talk to each other normally so there shouldn't be anything to talk about let alone anything secretive. Though if there was something, then it would be related to the field trip a while back. But that, too, was something that we both decided not to talk about anymore. I kept my face where it was and instead, stared at him telling him to go on with his story.
When I did, Hayama made a troubled laugh, gave up, and shrugged his shoulders. He looked like he was going to start talking from there.
"It's about Orimoto and Nakamachi from the other day."
"Yeah."
Oh yeah, it was because of Haruno that he fell into her trap of being introduced to those two. So that's how it was; I guess he was having trouble trying to woo them or something. But sad news for you, there's nothing I could do for you. But that wasn't actually what Hayama had in mind when he brought it up.
"I just wanted to talk to you about the time on Saturday."
Uh huh." Saturday, huh? Saturday. Speaking of Saturday, then it's gotta be that. That's the day before Super Hero Time, wasn't it? So he must have been talking about Jewelpet Sunshine and Pretty Rhythm. So you just wanted to check when those shows were being broadcasted, huh? It's in the morning man. You didn't need to go through the trouble of asking me to figure it out. Or so I thought, but there was no way Hayama was asking about that.
Then, what did he mean by Saturday… As I thought about it, Hayama looked at me dubiously. "Could it be that they didn't ask you? I got a text inviting me to go out to Chiba on Saturday."
"Uh no, no one asked me…"
Go out? That's a kid I didn't know, mister… In the first place, I never got a mail though? Oh wait, I never did change my mailing address. The text I sent with my last address didn't go through after all. Then not getting an invitation was obvious. Oh I see! It's because they didn't know my address that I didn't get an invite, huh! Oh, those shy girls! Yeah, maybe in another lifetime. Words weren't needed as I really wasn't invited.
But Hayama looked like he didn't understand and tilted his head. "I see… I thought they meant all of us when they said they all wanted to go out." If you consider that from Hayama's perspective, then that would be right. He was a guy who had the 'everyone, let's get along!' motto.
"Well obviously, that's just a pretext. Whatever it is, a guy who goes despite not having been invited is out of his mind. You should just do as you like."
"Not having been invited, huh?" Hayama nodded and with a smile, he continued on. "Well, want to go with me? It'd better if the numbers match too."
"Not invited equals don't go. Not told equals don't ask. Invited last minute equals don't go. You were never a part of their plans. Make peace with that."
"I'm inviting you then. And this is hardly last minute."
Was he an idiot? Not getting an invitation in the first place was what you would call an uninvited guest, Einstein. It was pretty obvious the moment they saw me there, their face would contort into a 'why is he here?' face. Also, there were other problems aside from their reactions.
"Besides, do you really think I'd go out with you?" I spat out the word 'you' like it was an insult. He seemed content to shrug it off, however.
When I asked him, Hayama withdrew his smile and made a serious face. I was probably making the same face. Given how different our world and social stature was, I couldn't imagine at all the two of us choosing to meet each other willingly outside the school premises.
No, it didn't even have to be outside the school. This current situation was irregular in itself. If you thought about it both objectively and subjectively, this pairing was completely out of left field. I still hadn't forgotten that show of pity from Hayama that one time. The moment our positions were clearly segregated from the top and the bottom was the moment the distance between us was dictated. I wasn't allowed to step over to the other side just like how I wouldn't allow Hayama to step over it either. It was the narrow-mindedness of both the world and me. If you were watching from the side, you'd see a stare down between two people in silence. The one who broke the silence was Hayama.
"Couldn't you just come along and think of it as helping me out?" To my surprise, Hayama had bowed his head. I couldn't see Hayama's downcast expression, but based on his tightly gripped fist, he wasn't smiling. To go as far as bowing his head, I couldn't understand what was going through his head.
Even so, I wasn't in the mood to lend him an ear either. "I doubt I'd be of any use and don't you have people who could help you? Ask Tobe or one of your friends." After I said that, Hayama moved his shoulders slightly. However, he continued to bow his head. "It's my day off and I have work to do." I wanted to get published on Arxiv. I had nearly proven that the sofa couch was indeed symmetric. I used some abstract algebra for that.
"I see…" Just before I closed the door behind me, small murmurs could be heard.
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I got home and lazed about until midnight. The TV was left on, books were scattered about, and I was contemplating. I had serious contemplations to do into the nature of thought and reason. If I ever wanted to comprehend, I would need to understand Godel's method.
As I yawned on the sofa and did a big stretch, the living room door opened. Just when I thought it was the cat that opened the door on his own, standing there was actually Komachi in her night cap and pajamas with a disgruntled look.
As I worried about what to talk about, Komachi spoke up first. "Bro, the phone."
"Huh?"
When she gave me those surprising words, I grabbed my cellphone and looked at it. No incoming call, no texts, running low on battery. Hey, I really hate this phone. So, what did she mean by phone? I turned to look at Komachi and a cellphone flew at me. It hit me in the face and I let out a pained grunt. My reflexes were shot by my psychosis and meds.
"Komachi's going to sleep now. When you're done, just leave it there."
"Ah, right." She said it quickly and withdrew to her room.
I looked at Komachi's cellphone that was left in my care. On the screen reflected the "on hold" message. Let's pick it up for now. I didn't know who it was on the other end, but as long as Komachi had passed this person along to me, then the person had to be someone decent. I took the call and put the phone to my ear. However, I was still somewhat weary and talked into the phone.
"…Hello?"
"Hallo!"
An energetic, bright voice that gave rise to an urge to hang up on the spot greeted me from the other end. I moved the phone away from my ear and checked the screen again. On the screen read Yukinoshita Haruno. Why was this person calling me? Or rather, why did this person know Komachi's number…?
With doubtful thoughts filling my head, I glared at the cellphone and "heeey" could be heard from the cellphone's receiver. But, I already picked up the phone so I had no choice, but to follow through. I gave up and placed the phone next to my ear.
"How may I help you?"
"Are you having a fight with your little sis?" When I asked her, she answered with an unrelated question.
Did Komachi say something or was she just guessing at it? I guess the long unending feud between the sisters wasn't just for show. Huh, I looked at myself and my stomach started to hurt so I wanted to stop.
"Compared to what's going on your end, you can't really call it a fight." I told her sarcastically which caused Haruno to laugh.
"Ahaha, I see." "Actually, how do you know Komachi's phone number?"
"You know, after the culture festival, I met her for a little bit, remember? We exchanged our numbers then." So that was when…
That should've been the first time they ever talked to each other but apparently they exchanged numbers at that exact moment. Once again, my little sister's range of relationships expanded even farther. Wait, didn't this mean she had more contacts than I did?
"I did some thinking about Roko's whatever."
"And?" I pressed.
"It's not so different from Yahweh or the buddhist hells. Is it?"
"No. Not really," I answered in kind.
"So that's my answer. I took a theology class in college. I didn't suffer through that for nothing. Though it was interesting."
"So I see. This is indeed one of the comparisons that allows one to escape this thought trap. Which hell exactly should you fear? That's a question only the one at the bottom can answer."
"Yep yep," she chimed. "So let's put that aside. I heard some things, you know. Are you sure you don't want to go on the date you were invited to?"
"It's not a date if I'm there and I wasn't invited."
What's with this person? Did she call me just to slap me around with reality? Wait, did Hayama talk to her about this? Now that's a line you didn't have to cross… As I thought how I should explain to her repeatedly that I wasn't invited at all, a slightly gentle voice came from the other end of the phone. "Hayato invited you so why not just go?"
"No, like really, there's no way I'd go…"
Besides, that'd be just absurd. Even if I went, the girls' faces would distort into expressions that took Hayama into consideration which would also be asking 'why was this person here?' In fact, I'd do just the same for them. I'd tell them 'You don't have to force yourselves, it's fine! There's always next time!' and once I went home, I'd end up making it easier for them to talk. What's the deal with that? Which class reunion of mine was that?
"C'mon, wouldn't it be so romantic to go on a date with the girl you liked a long time ago?" She teasingly laughed as she said that.
"I wouldn't call that 'liking'."
"Oh, so you won't?"
When I answered promptly, she returned back with a question. I didn't need to think twice about it. From middle school to now, it was something I had already thought through. The words slipped out smoothly.
"It was an entirely one-sided push from my side and since it was just a misunderstanding, I wouldn't call that the real thing."
Just because she talked to me and paid me some attention, I ended up getting curious myself and then I convinced myself that she was into me. And the result? It was nothing more than a misunderstanding. In the end, the simple truth of someone liking me was what I was really fond of. Something that selfish had no resemblance with the feelings of love. The act of confessing was labeled with the words 'to like' which ended up giving those feelings its definition. What was the truth then? If I was asked this question,
I wasn't confident I'd be able to answer. That applied even now. I could hear sighs coming from the other end of the phone. After what seemed to be a period of thinking, she chuckled. I couldn't see her physically, but I was easily able to imagine her mouth distorting into an alluring smile.
Haruno's voice reached my ears clear and vividly. "It's almost like you're a monster of logic."
"You have no fucking idea." I swore at her with venom. I was the beastly king of logic and monsters. I was the living vicar of the one at the bottom on Earth.
"Oh is that right?"
"Yes. Sharks swim through the rivers of time. What is time made out of? Do you think? It flows differently in differently places. Around blackholes there's this region of warped space-time called the ergosphere. Here space and time are only fractionally broken as the black hole spins. There are eddies and currents through which to swim. And something could grab you by the leg and pull you under into the devouring mist of dream doom where the grinning chasm yawns. Sometimes in the throes of a nightmare when unseen powers whirl one over the rooftops of strange dead cities it is a relief and even a delight to shriek wildly and throw oneself voluntarily along. Lovecraft said it."
"That old racist. He would have considered you subhuman."
"He was fairly normal for his time. It's not like there aren't racist figures in our past here. Racism isn't why we remember Lovecraft. His ideas about deep time are."
"And what ideas are those?"
"Though we are in the most densely populated place for a hundred billion lightyears we are entirely and utterly, each of us, alone."
"Go on the date Hikigaya. You won't be alone then."
"I'm busy saturday."
"Good thing the date was moved to Friday."
The bitch. She set me up.
"I mean you went out with Yukino and Yui right?" She pressed. "Why not these two nice girls."
"That was different. I give a shit about Yukinoshita and Yui. Besides that was nothing more than being a helper."
"But not these girls? You won't help them?"
"Not at all."
"Then this is just going out to have fun, right? You're just acting as Hayato's chaperon. You can also say that you're just walking in the same direction as them."
To go that far, even I didn't have an answer to that. If I were to associate a special meaning with the act of going out to have fun, then I had to dig out the special meanings of shopping and being a helper long ago. Grrr… I choked on my words and Haruno pressed me further.
"Or could it be… you were expecting something?"
"There's no way that'd be true."
There was no way I'd expect anything. When I answered immediately, an amused laughter echoed from the other end of the call. "Then there's no problem. Besides, Hayato isn't the type to go lowering his head when asking for a favor you know."
"Is that so? Seems like he asks for favors all the time, like really."
"But he wouldn't lower his head. Doing that really shows how much pride he has you know."
Was that how it was? "If you don't show up, I'll drop by your house and drag you along, okay!"
What the, were you a childhood friend? On top of that, you even knew where I live? That's scary. Speaking of which, the Yukinoshita sisters and Hayato knew each other when they were younger. While my head filled with unrelated thoughts, the phone forcefully hung up. She was quite the selfish person blurting out whatever she wanted to say, but I guess that was what made the person called Yukinoshita Haruno.
As Komachi instructed me earlier, I placed her phone on the table. I could've returned it to her in her room, but I imagined our exchange earlier would've been the same. Besides, she said she was going to sleep so she probably wouldn't answer even if I called her… Well, she was probably just faking it anyway. I was a bit tired after the long phone call. I sunk back into the sofa and started to think again. At this rate, I was probably going to pass out on the sofa again like last time. It was probably better for me to get to my room while I was awake.
That way, it'd be easier for Komachi to pick up her phone too. The sound of the door opening and shutting echoed in the house and when I left the living room and arrived at my room, I collapsed on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. Even if it was just on the surface, I was going to go out to have fun with girls. Not to mention with the girl I confessed to long ago. That said, I didn't need to think about anything. All I had to do was blend in and wait until it was over. It was akin to being an advertisement for a store. Its only job was to stay put and wait as time continued to roll by. This time would follow the same idea. I was nothing more than Hayama's escort. I was a supplement. In a lunch box, that'd be the pickled vegetables. I couldn't even become Baran. I also couldn't become a Dragon Knight and I definitely couldn't shoot Dragonic Aura either.
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-WG
