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"Hikigaya stay a minute," Hiratsuka sensei said after fourth hour. Everyone else was packing their bags for lunch but I just stayed seated. I waited until everyone had filled out of the room and sensei lit up a cigarette. "So…" She started.

"So?" I asked.

"I expected you to save Yukinoshita."

"I could have, maybe. But she wanted to be president."

"According to who?"

"Her?" I wondered back. "I mean she said as much so it could have gone either way but she said she wanted this."

"What if she didn't."

"Then she shouldn't have told me she did. I can only take her at her word, sensei."

Sensei offered me a puff of her cigarette. I declined with a wave of my hand.

"I don't think that kind of thing plays well with my meds."

"Good enough," she sighed. "I suppose the service club is canceled indefinitely."

"Yeah. That's what I figured."

"Unless you want to take over as president of the club."

"Nah, Yukinoshita is making me general affairs. I won't have the time on top of everything else."

"What else is there?"

"Therapy and psychiatry and publishing papers. It occupies a huge portion of my time."

"Math papers?"

"Correct. I'm getting published, sensei."

"In what field?"

"Analytic geometry,"

"Oh? What was it? The sofa couch problem?"

"The very same."

"So you won't have time to finish your bet with Yukinoshita."

"I already surrendered to her. She won for all I care."

"That… that surprises me."

"Why?"

"I thought you wanted to win."

"Not more than I wanted her happy."

"Good for you Hikigaya. You have social goals and not just professional ones."

"And that's a good thing? It doesn't hurt like a mother fucker?"

She laughed. "We never fixed your language."

"There's nothing wrong with the way I talk. I'm brutal in my candor."

"So you're general affairs and Yukinoshita is president. Where does that leave Yuigahama?"

"Vice president or secretary I suppose. Yukinoshita will take time for Yui."

She exhaled smoke away from me, which was polite of her. I still smelled it but it was the essential principle which was the thing. I had learned that in my own time smoking.

"I suppose the real goal of you joining the service club was accomplished," she nodded.

"Which was?" I wondered.

"Making friends, Hikigaya."

"I suppose so. Though Yukinoshita makes it clear I'm not her friend. I'm something else to her."

"What do you suppose that thing is?" Hiratsuka-sensei asked.

"Not sure. We matter to one another but we're not friends. That leaves me in an unusual place."

"Why do you suppose Yukinoshita doesn't want to be friends with you?"

"She's too proud to be friends with little pathetic me. Yuigahama is her friend."

"I always wondered… are they friends."

"They act like friends. They are certainly friendly with one another. They bake sweets together. Not sure what that looks like but they occasionally save me something. Yukinoshita says Yui is affectionate during those times. And Yukinoshita says she likes it. But Yukinoshita also says she likes spending time with me so who knows where that leaves them."

"I always thought… well that's not important and it's just as well I don't say anything."

"You always thought they were a little gay," I interpreted.

She blushed a little and looked away.

"They could be. Who am I to judge," I shrugged.

"It doesn't bother you?" Hiratsuka-sensei demanded.

"No. Why? Should it?"

"Maybe if I were gay I'd be married by now," Hiratsuka-sensei sighed.

"I bet you could rock a suit."

"You think so?"

"I have this disease where I like dark haired women in suits. It's called being a fucking genius."

She laughed. She threw her head back and laughed uproariously. I smiled at her.

"Oh is that so?" She stemmed her laughter and wiped a tear from her eyes.

"Yeah. That's so. Women pretty, sensei."

"You have this disease as you put it."

"I do. I'm sick and warped. And if liking women in suits is wrong, I don't want to be right. Or to live but that's another argument."

"How is your suicidal ideation?"

"It's still there. I wanna fuckin' die. But I promised Yui and Yukinoshita the school year and I meant it. After that, who knows? I might step out into that cool night."

"Stop trying to make it sound pleasant," Hiratsuka-sensei demanded.

"Just a quick breath out in the night. Just to get a breath of fresh air," I pleaded.

"Stop it. Stop making your death sound pleasant. It's awful whenever you do that. It's awful."

I shrugged. "I defy you to tell me what's wrong with that specifically."

"Suicide is no joking matter."

"Good thing I'm not joking."

"It's always awful and catastrophic."

"For who? Nobody has ever said 'I regret killing myself,' sensei."

She glowered at that. "Keep letting Yukinoshita and Yuigahama work on you."

"Sure, I can do that."

"You don't think it will help."

"I hallucinate. And I hallucinate in a way which reinforces my delusions, which of course I don't think are delusions."

"What delusions?"

"I'm not really supposed to talk about them. It works me up. It makes me manic or at least it can."

"Okay, so… okay."

"Thank you sensei," I thanked.

"What for?"

"Looking after me. In your own way. Plus you don't hit me anymore which I appreciate."

"Well you stopped cracking wise about my age."

"Old."

She did a head fake at me like she was going to punch me in the gut. I flinched appropriately and she nodded looking satisfied.

"You're too cruel Hikigaya."

"Not so," I disagreed. "I'm honest. It's why you like me."

"I really shouldn't play favorites."

"Yeah but you do. So what now?"

"Take it easy Hikigaya."

"Will do, sensei."

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I went to the service club room for lunch. I reasonably guessed who all I'd find there. Yui was there. And Yukinoshita. I sat down to begin my lunch. A roll with ham.

"So you still plan on taking lunch here? Even with the club discontinued?" I asked them both.

Yui shrugged and took a bite of her lunch. Yukinoshita nodded.

"I'm comfortable here, I suppose," she answered.

"But you could eat in the student council room," I pointed out.

"Yes but people don't bother me here," she said rather pointedly and I laughed. It was fair enough I supposed. I had rather come here to bother her a little.

She looked annoyed when I laughed. She was still wearing her new kitten earrings as well as the pinkish orangish scrunchie I got her. Yui had the blue one on and I wondered for a moment if they had coordinated it before I dismissed the thought. Yukinoshita wasn't like that. Yui had her hair in an adorable updo. Yukinoshita had her hair in a ponytail.

"You like when I bother you though. It isn't quite the same as some junior stopping by," I pointed out.

"Isshiki came by yesterday. She was asking about you," Yukinoshita muttered. On the subject of strange juniors.

"Me? Why?"

"She wanted to thank you for helping her," Yukinoshita informed me. "I think so at least."

"You did all the work for helping her, it's why you won."

I didn't have to elaborate on what winning was. It was obvious.

"Hikigaya Hachiman under my thumb," Yukino Yukinoshita savored the thought for a moment. She then shrugged. "It would mean a great deal more if the service club were still active."

"Boo hoo," I whinged by making my voice crack. "Oh whatever shall you make me do. I'm quaking in my shoes."

"I'll come up with something suitably embarrassing," Yukinoshita dismissed my fake whinging.

"Don't do that Yukinon!" Yui whined genuinely. "Be nice to him. He didn't have to let you win after all."

Yukinoshita sighed heavily. "Well nothing is forthcoming. It's going to take some serious pondering. You are, on the whole, a rather tough nut to crack."

I took a bite of bread and ham. I grinned. I was, wasn't I? I didn't care about most things people my age cared about. That put Yukinoshita in a rather tough position. What exactly could she make me do? What request could she ask of me that I wouldn't give her anyways? It was hard. I swallowed.

"Yukinon! You should have him come bake with us!"

"Oh. I see," Yukinoshita sounded rather despondent at Yui's suggestion. "I'd really rather not. That's something for us."

"Aww! Yukinon!"

"Besides that doesn't exactly humiliate him."

"It could be fun though," Yui pointed out.

"At any rate that's something I would just do just because you asked me to," I ran with Yukinoshita's thought. "It's not exactly worth a special request."

"What is worth a special request?" Yui wondered. "Wouldn't you just do most things just because we asked you to?"

"Probably. Most things," I agreed. "There are probably some things I wouldn't normally do. Put your names on one of my papers for example."

"I don't really want to be touched by one of your ideas though," Yukinoshita dismissed.

"Might depend on the idea. But yeah, probably," I coupled. I took another bite of ham and bread. It was dry but good. Maybe next time I'd spread some hummus on it.

I pulled out my phone. There was a big melee tournament coming up. Genesis nine. Technically it was ultimate too but melee was what I was interested in. I was personally holding out for a lot of spacie matchups. That was Fox or Falco. Those were the characters I really liked watching.

"Well I don't suppose you have a task for your general affairs? At any rate?"

"Some paper work for the athletics committee," Yukinoshita nodded.

I shrugged absently. I could handle paper work. It wasn't a big deal.

"Did you decide if you wanted to do humanities or science?" Yui asked Yukinoshita. I suppose there wasn't much point in asking me. It was a trivial matter for me.

"The humanities I think," Yukinoshita informed her. Yui squealed a little.

"Me too! We can study together."

"That's adorable," I informed them as I finished my roll.

"Adorable?" Yukinoshita demanded.

"Not like that," I said. "Just you know, adorable. Specifically not cute."

"Why not cute?" Yui asked.

"Yukinoshita doesn't like the 'c' word," I grinned in a predatory fashion.

Yukinoshita sighed.

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-WG