Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Confederate
In a controlled social experiment, a confederate will sometimes be used. A confederate is a person pretending to be a participant. When in actuality, they are a part of the research team. Their job is to deceive the participants and provoke a response or behavior. Their participation in the experiment is rehearsed. Sometimes even scripted. Confederates are most likely to be used in experiments where what is actually being studied is hidden until it is time to debrief the participants. This is so a participant doesn't knowingly or unknowingly change their behavior in a way that could compromise the validity of the study.
Naruto couldn't stop snickering to himself. Sitting next to me for some reason I've yet to determine, Naruto had the biggest grin on his face as he showed off the headband tied around his forehead. It was a complete one-eighty compared to how he had left the academy on the day of the final exam. Many of our classmates were confused about why Naruto was here. It had been common knowledge that Naruto hadn't passed. Plus, with Naruto's reputation as a prankster, many were wondering if the headband he displayed so proudly was stolen or fake.
Of course, I knew the headband was genuine and that Naruto had every right to be wearing it. Thankfully. Having such knowledge sparred me from having to ask about it. Shikamaru wasn't so lucky. Stopping next to the row of seats where Naruto and I were located, Shikamaru first locked eyes with me. Probably wanting to know where I had hidden one of the gyoku pieces from his shogi set. But he became distracted when he recognized the blond. "What are you doing here, Naruto? This meeting is only for the graduates". It's just as well. Shikamaru wouldn't be getting that piece back until he apologized for comparing me to Ino. Or until he utilized Chouji to guilt-trip me. Whatever happens first.
Never one to miss an opportunity to show off, Naruto grinned at the Nara and used his thump to point out his new accessory. "Oh yeah", Naruto taunted; sounding as pleased as punch. "What do you think this is?" Naruto asked. Only to answer his own question before giving Shikamaru a chance to respond. And yet, Naruto wondered why people found him annoying. "It's a regulation headband. I'm a ninja just like you. Will be training together". Nothing made Naruto's grin dampen. Not even when Shikamaru adopted an expression of disbelief. "I look great. This headband really suits me", Naruto continued to talk; not reading Shikamaru's face at all.
Looking over Naruto's head, Shikamaru asked. "Rion, how do you put up with this?"
Shrugging, I answered Shikamaru without reacting to Naruto sputtering in annoyance. "After three years of sitting next to him, you learn how to tune him out". My answer only made Naruto sputter louder. Using my thumb, I pointed to the boy who was sitting on my other side. "You should ask Sasuke how he does it. He's better at not listening to Naruto than I am".
I have also not figured out why the Uchiha was sitting next to me either. As genin it wasn't like we had assigned seating anymore. They could have literally sat anywhere in the room. I had taken advantage of the opportunity. For the first time since Iruka-Sensei started assigning seats, I wasn't sitting in the front row. And yet, somehow, I found myself sandwiched between Naruto and Sasuke once again. True creatures of habit; these two.
Despite using his name, Sasuke ignored all three of us; providing excellent proof to my claim that he was gifted at tuning people out. The only sign we had that he had heard us at all were the annoyed glares he was shooting at us from the corner of his eye.
Always the reactive sort, Naruto balled his hands into fists. "Don't ignore me!" He demanded. Although, it was unclear who his words were directed to. Maybe all of us. Given the context that would probably make the most sense.
"Right", Shikamaru drawled; completely unmoved. "Rion, I want my shogi piece back".
Touching my chin with my index finger, I pretended to think. "Uh, I think I lost it".
"No, you didn't", Shikamaru insisted; completely unimpressed.
Naruto was looking back and forth from Shikamaru and I as if he was trying to figure out who he should address in order to insert himself into this conversation. "I might be able to find it", I told one half of my social circle. "You know, if someone took back their comment about me being just as loud and obnoxious as a certain blonde-haired blue-eyed monster".
Sounding as equally offended as I had felt when Shikamaru had first made the comparison, Naruto pointed a finger at himself and asked, "Me?!" It was in that moment that I connected the dots that Naruto was also a blond with blue eyes. Though he and Ino had different types of hues in their coloring.
Before I could assure the boy that he was not the loud and obnoxious person Shikamaru had compared me to, the Nara heir snickered. "Yeah. Didn't you know?" Shikamaru asked Naruto. "Rion's the girl version of you". And Shikamaru walked away; returning to his spot next to Chouji. Leaving Naruto to think about what he and myself had in common while I scowled at Shikamaru's back. Looks like I need to liberate another one of Shikamaru's shogi pieces. Maybe a silver general this time.
Distracted as I formed plans to get back at Shikamaru, I didn't notice when the classroom door was slammed open. Nor did I notice Naruto looking over his shoulder at the people who had entered. It wasn't until Naruto had been knocked out of his seat that I picked up on any commotion at all. "Good morning, Sasuke", Sakura greeted; acting like she hadn't just shoved a classmate. Damn. I knew there was a reason I hadn't wanted to sit the front row this morning. I should have just sat next to Shino. Then I could have avoided this completely. "Mind if I sit next to you?" Sakura asked sweetly as Sasuke barely acknowledge her presence. And what was I? I thought I stopped being invisible years ago.
Before Sasuke could answer (Not to say that he would have), Ino interrupted by arguing with Sakura about who got the coveted seat next to Sasuke. She was loud and so was Sakura's rebuttal. Soon, every girl except Hinata and myself was pulled into the argument. All of them wanted the same thing for themselves, and all of them seemed to fail to realize that there was someone already sitting next to Sasuke.
"Hey", I whispered, leaning slightly towards the Uchiha. "How much would you pay me if I could make them go away?"
In response, Sasuke scoffed and turned his face towards a window. Alright then. His loss. Turning to face the girls without giving up my seat, I made sure to speak loud enough that they would be able to hear me over their squabbling. "You know I'm already sitting here, right?" I asked. A few of their heads turned in my direction. "Because if not, you should really get your eyes checked before going on any missions". By the time I had finished my somewhat insulting advice, I had gained all their attention.
"That isn't fair!" Ami complained. "The Aburame bastard is always sitting next to Sasuke. Now that we don't have assigned seats, someone else should get to sit next to him".
"Oh, I agree", I said quickly before Ami could start a riot. While in truth, nothing in this world could make me care about who sat next to Sasuke. "I'll be happy to give up my seat". It may have just been my imagination, but I could have sworn that I felt Sasuke tense as I had the sudden sensation of someone trying to kill me with their eyes. "To the highest bidder".
There was a brief moment of silence as the girls comprehended what I was getting at. To their credit, it didn't last long. "Two Ryo", Someone called in the back.
"Five", Another quickly countered.
"I hear five. Can I get eight?" I started calling out; taking on the role of auctioneer. "I have eight!", I pointed to the girl in pigtails. "Eight going one, eight going twice…"
"Ten!" Ami yelled.
"I have ten", I reported as I pointed at Ami. I could feel the tension brewing behind me getting stronger and stronger. What can I say? Sasuke should have accepted my help when I had offered it. "Can I get twelve?" As I slowly raised the price for the honor of sitting next to Sasuke, Naruto jumped on the desk. I didn't have to turn around to know what was about to happen. But if I wanted to get paid, I better wrap this up. "And fifteen Ryo going once, going twice". Someone called out sixteen, but I acted like I hadn't heard. But before I could announce that the seat next to Sasuke had been sold, the girls' faces twisted up in disgust. Uh-oh.
"Naruto!" Sakura roared as she and a few other girls raised shaking fists in rage.
Needless to say, I gave up my seat; hightailing it out of there while the girls were beating up Naruto. There was no need for me to get caught up in that nonsense. I ended up next to Shino as Iruka-Sensei came in and quickly put a stop to the classroom brawl. I could feel Shino staring at me through his glasses. However; he wasn't adjusting them, so it was difficult to read his mood. I decided to pretend that he was disappointed in me. "I know, I know", I said as I let out a fake sigh. Meanwhile, the girls were slinking off to find a place to sit. Somehow, leaving Sakura to claim the prize spot. "I was being greedy", I told my brother. "I should've taken the ten Ryo when I had the chance. I'll do better next time", I assured him with a smile. The only thing Shino gave me in response was silence. Hmm, and here I thought I was being funny.
Once everyone was settled; including a bruised Naruto, Iruka-Sensei stood before us at the front of the classroom for the last time. "You are all full-fledged Ninjas", he announced. As if we didn't already know. "However, the hard work you'll have to put in has only just begun. As genin, you'll have to hone your skills and broaden your horizons. You'll take mission and train alongside your jonin sensei and your teammates. For that purpose, you'll be assigned to a team of three".
Immediately, most of our peers started whispering at Iruka-Sensei's announcement. Generally, about who they were hoping to be on a team with. But some of the bolder ones were whispering about who they didn't want to be on a team with. Except… a quick count informed me that there were currently twenty-eight of us. Everyone had passed the graduation exam, so…. Not everyone could be on a three-man team.
Iruka-Sensei kept talking as if there weren't a bunch of side conversations going on. "These teams were determined by considering your strengths and weakness in order to create groups that will be balanced. With that explanation not out of the way, I will now announce your assignments". Following those words, the whispering died. Everyone listened intently as the first six teams were called with only minimal reactions. "On team seven", Iruka-Sensei announced. I found myself growing nervous. This was the outcome I feared the most, and now that the only teams left were the rookie nine, I knew my odds weren't good. "Uzumaki, Naruto; Haruno, Sakura", Naruto began to celebrate louder than anyone else had while Sakura looked defeated. But I was starting to become hopeful. "And Uchiha, Sasuke", Iruka-Sensei finished just as Sakura and Naruto switched their emotions. "Now, team eight", Iruka-Sensei moved on. And… things happened exactly as they were supposed to. Iruka-Sensei finished announcing both team eight and team ten without any nasty surprises. For some reason there was no squad nine. I don't know why. With twenty-eight people there wasn't enough for ten squads. Maybe an old squad nine had done something to retire that number for good…. Unlikely, but I can't think of any other explanation. Still, I should be focusing on that the good news that I wasn't going to get roped into Naruto's nonsense. I wasn't even on a team. My name hadn't even been called…. That last thought had me slowing down. My name hadn't been called… Did that mean I could skip training altogether and just do D-ranks for the rest of my life? I could do that. I would love that. I bet the village never ran out of D-ranked missions. I could work alone and people would forget who I was, and… and..
Before I could become too excited, Iruka-Sensei started talking again. "And Aburmae; Rion", after reading my name, Iruka-Sensei looked in my direction; as if making sure I heard this from him directly. "Because one more person graduated than we were expecting". Everyone who was even just a little bit observant swung their eyes in Naruto's direction. Not that Naruto noticed; fuming as he was. "We had to make some last-minute changes to the team assignments".
The way Iruka-Sensei was talking, it kind of sounded like the original plan was for me to be on the same team as Sakura and Sasuke. But Naruto replaced me when he passed unexpectantly. I narrowed my eyes, feeling slightly offended. On the other side of the room, Shikamaru made a choking sound as he swallowed a laugh; realizing the same thing I had. Teams were designed around our strength and weakness. Meaning the higher-ups must have thought Naruto and I had the same weaknesses, because there was no way we had the same strengths. But that meant Naruto and I had been compared; making Shikamaru's comment from earlier more valid.
Frowning, I tried not to look too bothered. Forget stealing a shogi piece. I was going to hide Shikamaru's whole shogi set. "Unfortunately, there is no team for you to join", Iruka-Sensei informed me. Oh, that's too bad. Assuming I got to keep my status as legally being seen as an adult since I got this headband, I guess I'll just be on my merry way. "So", Iruka-Sensei continued before I could leave. "You will be apprenticed with one of Konoha's departments".
Well…. That didn't sound too awful. From his spot next to me, Shino adjusted his glasses. I was too busy thinking to interpret what that meant. "What department?" I asked. Under the desk, I had my fingers crossed; praying that Iruka-Sensei would say the genin corps.
Iruka-Sensei opened his mouth, but before he got any sounds out there was a loud slam that echoed throughout the classroom and drew everyone's attention. Standing in the door frame was a lady with spikey purple hair, a dango stick sticking out from her teeth, and killing intent leaking for her pores. Our classmates that were the closest in proximity to her flinched back upon her entrance. My stomach dropped as I took in the lady's shin guards, trench coat, and fishnets. I have a bad feeling about this.
The lady took her time to glance around at all of us genin; acting like she was looking from someone specific. Honestly, it looked more like she was trying to set the scene than anything else. If she had truly interrupted Iruka-Sensei to find someone, she would have just asked him. "Hey fresh meat", the lady greeted in a voice that was almost sadistic in tone. Iruka-Sensei adopted a pained expression, but he allowed the lady to keep going. "Which one of you is my new little underling?" The lady asked as she scanned the room again; smirking every time she caught someone flinching. It didn't escape my notice that every time she glanced in my direction, her eyes would momentarily freeze on my face. Why couldn't it have just been the genin corps? "Which one of you is Aburame, Rion? Come on. Don't be shy. It's time to face your worst nightmare", the lady announced; looking absolutely gleeful at the prospect.
"Anko", Iruka-Sensei sighed, pulling the lady's attention to him. "You're too early. I haven't even released them for lunch yet".
Responding to Iruka-Sensei like they were old school friends, Anko dropped the killing intent. Stepping in the classroom, she sheepishly rubbed the back of her head and laughed. "Sorry about that Iruka. I guess I got ahead of myself. I was just so excited. It's been a long time since T&I had a genin to do all our dirty work. The last one couldn't take a joke and had to be institutionalized".
As I felt Shino tense beside me and as Iruka-Sensei sent an apologetic look in my direction, I sighed and wondered if it was too late to go to that fancy civilian school.
Even though I didn't want to, I ended up walking willingly with Anko out of the classroom. Despite threatening me with my worst nightmare, Anko was all smiles and good spirits as she led us out of the academy and into the village streets. Walking slightly ahead of me, I let her lead. It wasn't like I knew where we going anyway.
It was a nice day. As were most days are in Konoha. The sun was out while every cloud was absent. Meaning, there was little reason for people to be indoors. Anko talked a mile a minute as she seemed to weave a redundant path through the village; leaving the main road to take a back alley, only to be back on the main road after a minute or two. "You'll love being in T&I", Anko assured me as she pretty much gave me a sales pitch about why a career in her department was the best thing ever. You didn't have to leave the village too often. You got to keep pretty consistent hours, which does wonders for circadian rhythms. We have dental. And I mean, yeah. Dental is important. But it wasn't like the other shinobi didn't have dental. I'm pretty sure everyone in Konoha's military force had the same health care package.
"So, are you like… going to be my Sensei?" I asked when Anko ran out of steam. She had taken us down another back alley. One that I hadn't been down before. So, no one was inconvenienced when Anko suddenly stopped and turned to face me.
"Oh, no", Anko said; flapping a hand as if I had just said something cute. "Think of me like I'm…. an upperclassman".
Okay…. I guess I can play along. "Alright…. Anko-Sempai". It was a struggle to remain unreactive with Anko beamed and just about preened under the title. A title like that really shouldn't make someone so happy. But if this is…. Genuine, maybe I can get some information before we get to where ever we're going. "Do you know if I have to do a final-final exam like the others?" I asked before Anko could get her steam back.
The grin on Anko's face grew wider. "You know about that?" She asked. For some reason, she sounded overly pleased. And there was certain tightness to her voice. I haven't interacted with Anko long enough to figure out her baseline, but I'm going to guess that there is a final test in my future. Well, at least I have an out in case I need it.
Shrugging, I decided to give Anko the same answer I gave Iruka-Sensei all those years ago. "I pay attention".
Nodding like she believed me, Anko was quick to assure me that, "No, you wouldn't have to take a final-final exam". And we were walking again. Going deeper into the alley. "There's not much a point since you're not on a team. But you will have to pass the screener every new member of T&I has to take".
"Sounds reasonable", I said even though I didn't believe Anko at all. "What will I have to do?"
After hearing my question, Anko stopped once more and faced me. She had led us to a dead-end and had a brick wall behind her. Oh. I guess the final-final exam is about to start. "Nothing major", Anko responded as if there was nothing to worry about. "You'll just need to answer some questions". There was a wicked gleam in Anko's eyes.
"I can do that", I feigned ease; trying to make it feel like I believed her. "So, are we almost there".
"Yup!" Anko responded. Reaching into the inside pocket of her trench coat, Anko pulled out a strip of black cloth. "You'll just have to put this on first".
Accepting the cloth, I held it with both hands as I studied it with raised eyebrows. "A blindfold?"
"Uh-huh", Anko confirmed. "The location of T&I is on a need-to-know basis. We do house prisoners after all. You need to pass the screener before you can know where it is".
I thought about it for a minute; something Anko allowed me to do. And when I couldn't think of a way around it, I shrugged. "Alright", I kept up my easy-going air, as I covered my eyes and tied the cloth in a knot behind my head. "How do you want to do this? Do you want me to hold on to your arm or som-" I never got to finish my question. A sharp blow to the back of my neck had me blacking out mid-word.
I came to with a sniffle. Smacking my mouth open and close, I tried to get rid of the feeling of dry mouth as I rolled my head on my shoulders; slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. One, the blindfold had been removed and I was sitting in a room with dim light. Two, a quick check of my appendages revealed that I was strapped to a wooden chair with armrests. The only things I seemed to be able to move were my head, neck, and legs. Three, there were three other people in the room. Anko was on the right; standing in the background with her arms crossed and looking overly pleased with herself. On the left was a large man wearing a bandana with long scars running across his face. I'll just pretend I don't know who he is, shall I? The third was in between the two and seemed to be taking center point. I didn't know who he was. But compared to his companions, he seemed…. Unremarkable.
"If you were just going to knock me out", I started to ask; speaking slowly to test the strength of my voice. "What was the point of the blindfold?" I kept my question directed at Anko; purposely ignoring the two men in the room.
The look Anko was sporting was Cheshire. The kind of look someone only adopted if they up to no good. "I wanted to see if you'd actually do it", Anko admitted.
I see. Narrowing my eyes in concentration, I tried to pick up any details I could have missed in my first scan of the room. I guess the final-final exam started the minute Anko picked me up from the classroom. The only new thing I saw the second time around was the table sitting between me and the other three. A table that had some interesting tools resting on top.
"Aburame, Rion", the man in the middle started; acting like Anko hadn't said anything. His tone was firm and unforgiving. It made me wonder how often he found himself in this position. "You have been brought here under the suspicion of treason. Cooperate and we might let you leave alive".
Wow. I blinked. Talk about jumping straight from zero to one hundred. "Uh-huh", I said; acting like the man had just made a comment about the weather. "And you waited for me to graduate to bring me in under the guise of a new recruit because….." I trailed off to let someone else fill in the blank.
There was no change in the middle man. Ibiki hadn't moved, and Anko was watching me like she was visiting the cinema. "As a genin of Konoha, the protection offered for civilians no longer applies to you". The man answered without pause.
I wanted to poke at that story a bit more. But the problem was…. what he was saying was correct. Konoha treated their civilians pretty well. Red district aside. While they could be charged for treason just as any shinobi could, any torture or interrogation they had to undergo was strictly supervised and required a mountain of paperwork and approval from a higher-up. Since civilians are so much more breakable than shinobi. I remember Iruka-Sensei explaining the difference in our rights at one point. As a shinobi, as long as they had plausibility, T&I could force me to answer anything they wanted. So, I guess that means I have to play along. "What did I do?"
Shifting ever so slightly, the middle man held up an object for me to see. "Do you recognize this?"
In the dim light, I had to squint my eyes in order to make out what the man was holding. "My notebook". The realization had my eyes widening. There it was. The old and well-loved notebook with the water-damaged cover that Iruka-Sensei had confiscated years ago. I had always wondered what he had done with it. Not that that explained why T&I had it.
"Quite the interesting read", the man said as he opened the notebook to a random page; holding it in his hands as if he found it disgusting. "Yamanaka, Ino", the man began to read. At least he hadn't gone to Chouji's section. "78% calculated from 95 observation, Ino will be in a leadership role. Outside of class, Ino is likely to be talking 67% of the time as was observed across 30 interval-based observations. Likely pressure point; threats to her popularity". The middle man finished reading; glancing up at me as if I made his skin crawl. "You know, Miss Ino's father, the clan head of the Yamanaka, works closely with T&I. I bet he'd love to know someone had been stalking his daughter and get look inside said stalker's head".
A muscle in my jaw twitched. I was still sure that this was some sort of test. Problem was, being mind walked was a legitimate fear of mine. The things I knew…. Well, it would have been better if I didn't know them. Hoping it was a bluff, I shrugged. Or tried to shrug. Given how restrained I was, the movement I needed wasn't available. "I like to observe people. My hobby's creepy. That doesn't mean I'm guilty of treason", I argued; trying very hard to avoid whatever trap they were luring me towards. "If all creepy hobbies are treacherous, I can think of a few other people you need to lock up".
Surprise, surprise; the middle man disagreed. "You've spied on every child of a clan head in your generation. You've made notes on all their suspected trigger points. Their weaknesses". The man leaned over the table; getting as close to my face as he could without getting up and walking around the table. "There are many who could want this information. Who are you working for?"
This guy must be kidding…. Right? "You realize, my…. Dad is a clan head too". It was the first time I had ever used the title to refer to Shibi. I never thought I would. But at that moment, it felt necessary. "Just wait until I tell him about this". It was a weak deflection on my part. But just like my notebook, I was trying to find a weak spot. And pulling the clan card was a good way to start. As I had learned, a lot of people were wary of their influence.
The middle man's upper lip curled as he sat back in his chair. "Yes. You're Rion. The neglected bastard the Aburame clan rescued from poverty out of a misplaced sense of guilt and duty. What an opportunity that must have been for you". The sarcasm pouring out of this man's mouth was a much stronger flavor than my own brand of sarcasm. If he currently wasn't trying to piss me off, I'd probably be impressed. "Utterly convenient too. Now you were in the perfect place to learn all the Aburame clan's secrets. Something I'm sure your employer paid you handsomely for".
My heart was starting to pump at a fast rate; even though I was innocent of what they were accusing me of. Even though I'm pretty sure this is all a ruse. "You said it", I jutted my chin out. "I was taken in by the Aburame. So, why would I need money?"
The middle man stood up and slowly made his way to my side of the table; acting like Anko and the other man weren't in the room as he did so. His movements were slow as he lightly touched the tools sitting on the tabletop as he passed by. Now, directly in front of me, the man hummed. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe to take care of your whore of a sister".
My blood started to boil. This is a test. This is a test. I repeated over and over again in my head. But it wasn't helping me calm down. "I'm not a traitor. And I know this whole interrogation is fake. But I'll give you points for digging up my old notebook. So, how about we wrap this up?" I growled at the middle man; completely over this the moment he brought up Anzu.
Chuckling lightly, the man glanced over his shoulder in the other man's direction; acknowledging him for the first time. "I love it when they choose the hard way". At the other man's small incline of his head, the middle man picked up one of the tools on the table before turning to face me once more. Since he was so close to me, I got a good look at what he was holding. It kind of looked like a cross between an eyelash curler and a handheld walnut cracker. "You will talk", the man declared as he waved the tool under my nose.
I glanced around the room as if confused. "What the hell have we been doing this whole time if not talking?"
"You know Rion", the middle man kept going as he grabbed my left hand and started manipulating my fingers under my pinky was clamped in the tool. Since I was restrained, I couldn't pull my hand away. "I really hate brats like you", the middle man shared. Meanwhile; I was hyper-focusing on my hand and the tool. Holy crap! Are they really going to do this? All for some stupid test?
The answer was yes. There was a pop and a loud snapping crunching sound. Kind of like when you step on a stick. And then my pinky was bent in a disfigured angle; quickly turning red. I screamed a little as pain washed over me. It wasn't unbearable if I had to think about it. I have broken fingers before. It was a common enough injury for aspiring ninjas. But, as I had just learned, there is a difference when you do it to yourself by accident and when someone does it to you on purpose.
Water collected in my eyes and started dribbling down my cheeks as the middle man asked again, "Who are you working for?"
This is fake. This is fake. I tried to assure myself. But, damn. The pain sure wasn't fake. Looking around the middle man, I glance in Anko's direction. "You're wrong", I told her. "T&I isn't a great place to work. Even if you do have dental".
In the background, Anko snickered. Even as the other man eyed her reproachfully. "Oh, yes", the middle man taunted as he roughly pulled the tool off my pinky finger; making me shut my eyes in a harsh wince. "It's all fun and games. Go ahead, make jokes", he kept going as he traded my pinky finger for my ring finger. "Let's see how long you can keep that up". A pop and a loud snap. I cried out for a second time as my ring finger became equally mangled.
"Alright!" I cried. Taking a deep breath, I said again. "Alright, I'll tell you everything".
The middle man leaned in. "Go on".
"I am a bad person. There's one bad thing I've done".
"Yes", the middle man urged.
"This whole time, since you started this interrogation, your fly has been down and I haven't told you!" I spoke quickly like I was admitting to the most scandalous thing in the world and was terrified of the repercussions.
The middle man blinked before slowly looking down at his person; hearing that was the last thing he had expected. With him distracted, I used the only mobility I had been allowed and kicked out with my left leg. My foot caught the middle man right between his legs. Air escaped from the middle man's mouth as he covered himself and crumpled to the floor. In the background, Anko choked on her amusement before it exploded out of her in uproarious laughter.
I lowered my leg and told the middle man in my normal voice, "Your mistake was standing right in front of me. Never be within kicking distance. Shouldn't that be lesson number one?"
The middle man grumbled something at such a low volume that I couldn't make it out. "That's enough", the other man said as he stood up. He glanced over at Anko's cracked-up form. "Anko?" He asked as if she wasn't busting a gut.
"Yes", Anko forced out as she clutched her stomach. "Definitely. That was priceless".
Rubbing his chin, the other man let out a tired sigh. "I would have to agree". He turned to the middle man still slumped on the floor in front of my feet. "Shinobu?" He asked.
"No, please no", the middle man pleaded as he slowly climbed to his feet. Moving out of kicking range, he faced the other man to make his case. "Ibiki-taichou, don't you see? This brat is exactly the same as her!" Shinobu pointed an aggressive finger in my direction. Making me assume I'm the brat who he's referring to. But who was the other person he was talking about? "Do you really want two she-devils running around? The department wouldn't survive".
Anko interrupted before Ibiki could respond. "Oh, please Ibiki. I've always wanted a mini-me". She was still laughing but had managed to tone it down a little. As such, Anko was slowly regaining control over her breathing. "I promise to be a good mentor. I'll keep her out of trouble. No inhouse bloodshed". Panting a little, Anko smiled without restraint at Ibiki. "At least, not an excessive amount".
Exhaling through his nose, Ibiki approached me. Resting a heavy hand on my head, he said, "You passed kid. Good work".
Anko cheered and Shinobu appeared absolutely crushed. "Was all of this really necessary?" I asked. Tears were still falling down my face as Ibiki started to undo the restraints.
I wanted an explanation. I wanted a long-winded speech about how…. I don't know. How enduring pain and staying true to yourself was a vital part of being a ninja in Konoha. Maybe even a cheesy mention regarding the will of fire. I wanted to know how passing this psychotic test proved I was worthy of the job title shinobi. But all Ibiki gave me was a gruff, "Yes". I attract a type, don't I?
