(Content/trigger warnings for this chapter: self-hatred, depression-like thing)
-Ranya-
I had a list of people who it was my fault they were gone or paralyzed—my brother, my mom, my dad, most of the people who'd joined my army, Mr. Halbrook, and now Dakota in a way.
I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stew in my failure—let the weight win. Dakota's mom watched me with a hard look as I stumbled out of the room in the opposite direction her daughter had gone. But I have to keep going.
The halls were empty. My stumbling footsteps echoed down them as if I were a drunk, heavy-footed ghost.
I tripped to the ground, hitting my elbows hard, and just lay there.
Isabelle had once told me she thought of Windshallow—particularly the schools—as a broken place full of broken people. People like her. But I had to be the most broken one of all. I couldn't save one person from my enemies without Dakota's help, and even then, we lost a lot.
But my sister. My family.
I had to keep going. Once I'd finished this war, I could lock myself in my room and drown in my self-hatred.
I hooked my fingers in some jagged holes in a locker, almost cutting myself, and managed to rise against the weight. I can't stop yet. There had to still be hope in this.
The pendant had given me one lead—what was the important information Dakota had?
I paused. What sort of thing would only she know? As far as something important in this war, it probably had to do with her expertise—dark and light powers. But it probably hadn't seemed important enough to tell me before she got angry, or maybe she'd only sensed something a little off but didn't think about it much. Or maybe she just didn't trust me with it.
"When would she get this information?" I mumbled to myself. If I knew when she had sensed whatever it was, who'd been around, I could try to make guesses from there.
The halls flashed purple and blue and green stripes. I had to close my eyes for a second while it all calmed down. Then I opened them and continued mumbling, "As far as I know, the only times she met Pitch, Fear Angels, or the Guardians were when I was around. Maybe she sensed something in an object, but let's begin with people. I don't know about the soother, but from the others, let's see… Dakota attacked Pitch at the school, killed Fear Angels there, sensed both, saved me from them, met Tooth and Jack inside the school, sensed the soother's soothing when Tooth was around, met Bunny when she helped Isabelle and me plan and figure stuff out, fought Fear Angels and sensed them and Pitch in Lori's basement, saved Isabelle and me from Fear Angels in our basement, told me the Guardians had no centers anymore…"
Huh. That last one got me thinking. Dakota had already told me about it, but would she also have sensed a lack of powers in, say, Pitch or Isabelle? But that wouldn't make sense; Dakota probably would have told me about something that important.
And Pitch had attacked us with powers, or at least used them nearby, in all of our encounters. Isabelle had protected us with hers this morning! Unless they had disappeared after that…
I held on hard to the vents at the top of the lockers as I paced down the hall. "What if Dakota sensed powers in someone who shouldn't have them? Like…" I couldn't think of anything. Dakota hadn't met any of my family besides Isabelle and me, and my dad when Fear Angels had paralyzed him. "Maybe one of my classmates…?" But I had no way of figuring out which one if that was it.
So hoping that was not the information, I went back to Dakota realizing the Guardians didn't have centers anymore. "Could she sense something else different about them, too? But dark powers wouldn't necessarily mean something bad or important, and she can't sense their others since they're neutral, except Sandy's, I think… But she said all their light powers are gone, so… Oh… Oh no…"
Jack's dangerous, inconsiderate idea that had nearly paralyzed us all; the Guardians' beginning to defend Isabelle for not wanting to be a Guardian, one joining after the other, even when that was against their previous goal; their seeming to give up entirely… My chest went the coldest it had ever been.
The people at my house weren't the real Guardians.
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