A/N: Cursing. A load of cursing in the next set of dialogue.
Big Think
"No, that doesn't sound good," I said, crumpling up my piece of paper into a little ball. I threw the ball into the wastebasket next to my desk. A few pieces of crumpled paper balls were already inside it.
I took an exasperated sigh as I leaned back in my wooden chair. I twirled my pen in my fingers as I thought of another idea for a poem. The only light in the room was coming from the lamp that was leaning over my small stack of blank paper. The moon outside was partially hidden by a few clouds, though the stars were twinkling in the night sky.
So this what the writer's block is, I thought to myself. I've never actually written anything for fun, only if it was for school. It's probably why I haven't written anything, to begin with.
I sat up straight and picked up my phone. When I turned it on, I was greeted by the pleasant view of the morning Hawaiian sun on the horizon, its light creating an orange glint on the big cannons of the USS Missouri that was moored on a dock. Sometimes, on our days off, my sister and I would drive down to Ford Island that sat across from the base smack dab in the middle of the bay and just enjoy the sight of the battleship in the harbor.
I saw that my sister tried to call me. I should've answered since overseas calls cost money. I ended up having her waste her own money while my phone was on silent.
I called the number that calls the international network. A robotic voice ordered me to type in different numbers. After five minutes of trying to get a connection with my sister, I finally heard the familiar, steady ring.
"What's up, shithead?" I heard the tomboyish voice of my sister after she picked up. For a girl who's younger than me, she really has no respect. I remember her getting into fights with teachers and kids who were older. She's really rebellious. I guess it started after my brother left.
"Can you not fuckin' call me that?" I whined.
"Ah, don't be so bitchy about it," she casually said.
"Fuck. You."
"Fine. Does dickhead work?"
"Shut the fuck up. And watch your fuckin' mouth," I scolded.
We get pretty vulgar when we talk to each other. It's just our own little brother-sister thing. I only really curse when I'm with my siblings. She's only one year younger than me. She's my second best friend in this world, aside from my brother. She's also one of the reasons why I don't have many friends back home. I'm always running around cleaning up after her messes. So I'm stuck with her bitch-ass.
"Whatever. Jeez, you're such a fucking pussy."
"Just shut up," I said, "Why did you try to call me?"
"I was bored," she replied flatly. Well, she does sound bored. Usually, though, whenever she calls me, it's because she needs something from me. She owes me so many favors, though, after what happened a couple of years ago, I guess I owe her.
"What was it really?" I asked. I could tell she's lying. She never really gets bored. If anything, she can just go downtown and screw something up because I'm not there to stop her.
After a pause and a sigh, she answered honestly "Fine, I… got in trouble at school and got suspended for a couple of days." For the love of all things holy, she got suspended. She goes to my high school back in Honolulu. Right now, she's a freshman, but she's about to graduate later this month. But her reckless idea to piss off the staff got her suspended.
"I can't clean up after you, you know?" I explained, "There are six thousand miles of ocean between us."
"I know," she whined dejectedly, "this house is empty without you. Dad's just sitting in his usual spot, drunk off his ass, and bringing the overall vibe down. Mom's at the diner still trying to get some more money."
"Well, I'm in Japan. I ain't coming back anytime soon."
"Aren't you coming back in July?" she asked.
"Yeah," I said, "but that's near the end of July and I'll only be home for three days."
"Is there any reason why you don't wanna go home for longer?" she asked.
"You're one of the reasons, man," I joked.
"Fuck you," she insulted. I guffawed, smirking to myself.
"Well," she said, "What about you? Any luck finding any friends?"
"Yeah," I replied, "Because you ain't with me. Aside from those guys in my program, I met some."
"I'm gonna guess you're lying," she said. I ignored her.
"I hang out with four other girls," I stated.
"Look at my big brother finally talking to girls," she jabbed, "How did you meet them? Did you try making any moves?"
"I'm in a club with 'em. And no, I'm not in the market for getting a girlfriend."
"That's too bad. You really need someone. It would be sad if a certain someone got married before you."
"Oh shush child." I looked outside. The street below was illuminated by the orange glow of the street lamps along the sidewalk. From my room, I could see the entrance to Ono-chan's house. And speaking of the devil, I saw her leaning against the white fence that surrounded the perimeter of her yard. "I'll call you back," I spoke into the receiver before hanging up.
I went downstairs. I saw the Kobayashi couple sitting on the couch, watching some western romcom. I remembered that movie. It was about these two people meeting on a vacation in Africa. I think it was called Blended, starring Adam Sandler. I loved that movie when I was watching with my brother and sister.
"I'm headed out!" I called out to the couple as I put my running shoes in. I exited the door, remembering to lock it on the way out and met with Ono-chan, who was just chilling by the gate of her house next door with her arms crossed. She just wore a plain white t-shirt and red gym shorts. She turned her head and saw me.
"Hey," she said, shifting her feet slightly in a more comfortable position. That's odd, I thought to myself, Usually, she would have a more happy and energetic greeting like "Lee-kun!" or something.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked.
"Just thinking," she said. After a small pause, she said "It is the loneliest of tasks. Thinking, that is. When you're alone with your thoughts. Anything can happen, really. Feelings and memories can come up when you're thinking by yourself."
"Well, mind if I join you in your thinking session?" I asked, "So you won't be alone?"
Without saying anything, she scooted aside a little and patted the empty section of fence next to her. I took that as a yes and walked beside her and leaned against the fence like her, my arms propped up against the wood that held my back.
"It's gonna rain," she said. I looked up at the sky and, aside from a couple of small clouds, it was a clear sky. It won't rain, would it?
"No, it seems pretty clear to me," I said, looking back at Ono-chan. She frowned.
"It's not actually gonna rain. I mean- n-nevermind," she said, cutting herself off. Okay then? What was that about?
Well, since we're here, might as well think. I thought of my brother, how he was always the ringleader between us siblings. Like a puppy, we followed him around everywhere when we wanted to.
I remembered him getting special permission to let us take a little tour around the airbase and the aircraft carrier stationed at the harbor. The brass knew us personally and let us go around the base, as long as we were with my brother. I met his friends and squadron mates over at the barracks as well. You know, for one of the biggest and baddest navies in the world, a lot of the seamen are complete anime lovers. Each barrack had at least one cut out and a body pillow.
I still miss him.
"Have you ever had someone leave without you saying goodbye?" I asked. I was curious. I might be the only one in the school who had someone leave.
I looked at her and I saw her staring at me, the whites of her vibrant blue eyes red as if she was silently crying. Why haven't I noticed that before?
"I-I'm gonna go back to bed," she said, ignoring my question completely. She turned and started towards the door of her house.
"Ono-chan, wait!" I called out after her. She kept going.
"I'll be late for school tomorrow. I just have something to do. You don't have to come to wake me up."
"No, wait! Ono-chan!" I called out before she shut the door behind her. I didn't dare chase her. The hell was that all about?
I went back to my room and slept until tomorrow. I didn't get a poem written for the club. Oh well, I'll just write it in class.
The next day
I got dressed and eaten breakfast. I called Ono-chan, but she said that she wanted to come in late today. I had something to do in the morning with CJ and the girls with a foreign exchange meet-and-greet with some of the local officials.
When I got to school, I met with CJ and the other exchange students. Ono-chan was nowhere to be seen. I probably should've left her alone last night.
I got to miss the first period, which was great. Us foreign exchange students met with the local mayor of the city. The news cameras were there too, so I got to be on the local news for the day. After that, we were treated with pastries and such for breakfast. Although I already had some breakfast, my fatass was ready to down the entire table.
I missed all of first period. They let us go after talking and eating (mainly eating). On my way to class, I had to pass by the main office. I saw the sliding door open. Out walked Ono-chan, who kept saying "Gomen nasai", the Japanese equivalent to "I'm sorry" to whoever was in that hospital, most likely the school principal. She closed the door and turned towards me.
"Lee-kun! Hi!" she energetically said. She seems to be back in her usual self. Whatever happened last night was probably a little sad episode for her. It's perfectly normal. As we grow older, we start to develop more emotions. I do get sad every now and then. It's perfectly normal. As long as you don't have what I like to call "big D depression", or clinical depression. Trust me, I know all about that.
"Ohayou! Good morning!" I responded in the same energy as Ono-chan's.
"Sorry I didn't walk with you earlier. I just didn't want to wake up this morning."
"It's not a big deal. At least I don't have to be annoyed on my walk to school," I jabbed.
"What? I'm annoying?" she asked.
"Yeah, you kinda are," I jabbed.
"Eh? Meanie!" she pouted, putting her two index fingers together.
"I'm kidding, I'm just messing with you," I confessed, smiling. "You aren't annoying."
"Don't tease me like that, Lee-kun!" she exclaimed.
I heard the sound of a hand dryer whirring to life behind me. A few seconds later, I heard footsteps and a familiar voice.
"Look who's all lovey-dovey this morning," said a particular girl that always seemed to hate me. I slowly turned around to see the small stature of Nakano Natsuki smirking with her arms crossed.
"Good morning to you too," I said, ignoring that statement that came out of the mouth of the girl with the pink hair. Yo I swear, she acts like she hates me. I got a feeling though that she likes me. She just doesn't want to admit it. Though it might be because of my loneliness and I'm just fantasizing of having a tsundere girlfriend.
"Ugh, I hate couples," she groaned.
"What? Are you jealous?" I teased.
"N-No I'm not jealous! What makes you think I'm jealous?" she exclaimed, uncrossing her arms and straightening them up at her side. Her fingers seemed to grab the cuff of her blazer. "It's not like I like you or anything!"
Ah, there it is. The classic tsundere denial line. Oh God, I wonder if she's an even bigger tsundere… Wait, she is! She kicked me in the nuts the first time we met!
I chuckled for a second. Behind me, CJ's voice called out from down the hall. "Ay yo! You comin'?" he asked.
I turned to the girls and said "I'm gonna head to class now. See you two at the club."
I ran down the hall to catch up with CJ and the girls. The triplets entered one classroom when I caught up to them. I waved goodbye to them as they went in. I peered into the classroom and saw Saito-san's purple hair in the corner of the room. Her nose was buried in her next book.
I was gonna say hi, but I figured that she was more invested in her book than what was going on around her. I followed CJ to our class instead.
I took my seat next to the girl named Takeuchi Monika. She smiled brightly. "Morning Lee-san," she greeted me.
"Hey Takeuchi-san," I said. "What did I miss?"
"Just a little bit of Greek mythology," she said, shifting in her seat, "I'm sure you already know the tale of Achilles." Oh right, I missed world history. We're still near the beginning of time and we're talking about the Mediterranean region.
"I guess," I said, "It's about some guy named Achilles who is pretty much immune to anything as long as nothing hits his heel, right?" I'm basing my knowledge off the Percy Jackson books. God, I think I've turned into one of those guys who think they're Greek mythologists after reading that series.
"Correct," she said, twirling her pen in her fingers, "He only had one weakness after being dipped in the River Styx."
"And in a battle during the Trojan War, a guy named Paris had a lucky shot and hit Achilles in the heel with an arrow after Achilles was going on a killing spree, putting him down effectively."
She nodded in approval. "You know, there is some poetic justice in this story," she stated.
"Oh? What do you mean?" I asked.
"His mother went through all that trouble to make Achilles immune to anything the world throws at him just to see him die in battle with a measly little arrow. It was like as if you thought you had made him invincible only to realize that you had just signed his death certificate."
There's Takeuchi-san, explaining the meaning behind the stories. It's interesting if you think about it. I didn't know the lesson behind the story.
Then again, I wish I didn't know. In some ways, I am the mother.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I tried to understand everything in class, but I could feel my eyes slowly drooping down. Usually, I would just go to the restroom and splash some water on my face, but I was too lazy to go today. So I had to suffer through boring lectures. Half of the stuff I already knew.
Lunch came around and we were set to eat. Here at this school, you got three options. You can either eat in the classroom, go to the library, or just eat outside in the courtyard. It's like study hall with food.
Takeuchi-san left the room for some reason. She always leaves the room during lunch. I know not where she goes, but I don't need to ask. When a girl wants her alone time, you give her some alone time.
I took out my lunch from my bag. I just had a bowl of ramen and a Coke. CJ put his lunch on my desk and sat down in the chair in front of me. All he had was a McDonald's cheeseburger and fries.
"Lemme guess," I said, "You got that on your way here?"
"Yeah, I did," he said, swallowing a fry that he's been chewing, "Forgot to make lunch myself. Kinda wish that I still had my grandmama making my lunch before school."
"You didn't live with your parents?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.
"I didn't tell you?" he asked. I shook my head no.
He sat back in his chair. "I ain't from Honolulu. I grew up in Baltimore." Baltimore? In Maryland?
"Not gonna lie to you chief, Baltimore's not looking so hot right now," I stated.
"I lived with my mom, dad, and older brother. A few years ago, there was a shooting. My brother got hit in the arm and the chest," he said, popping another fry into his mouth.
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that," I said, not really sure what to say.
"Momma got worried. Turns out my brother was in deep water with bad people. I ain't all about that life. I just wanted to try and get a better one instead. I focused on schoolwork, man. Me, a hood, just tryna get outta that place."
"That's an honorable goal, dude," I said.
"Momma got her savings and sent me to Honolulu to live with my grandparents at the start of sophomore year. I didn't know nobody, I didn't talk to nobody. I enrolled in that Global Degree program and worked my ass off." CJ smiled.
So he's from an inner-city. Just a dude trying to get out. Respect.
"So why you in Japan?" I asked, "Shouldn't you be with your parents?"
"Man, I just wanted to see the world before I go back. My parents supported that decision. I really wanted to see what it's like to be in another place." He chuckled, taking a sip from his water bottle.
"How'd you get the money?" I asked.
"I picked up a few jobs. My older brother sent me some money 'cause he really wants me to experience before I come back. He now works in a better place away from all the gangs and stuff, but he's still pretty far from home."
"I respect you brother. You're a good man," I complimented him.
We finished our food and got ready for the last few periods. I wrote my poem during study hall. I procrastinate, but that last-minute rush always comes in clutch. It was a rather simple one about being in a faraway land.
CJ left the room to go to basketball practice while I stayed in the room reading a light novel I borrowed from the library. I kept the book jacket hidden by putting another book jacket on it. You wanna be discreet, you know. Takeuchi-san returned from wherever she was. We had a little small talk, nothing much.
The three other girls entered soon after. Ono-chan sat gleefully doodling in her book. Saito-san was seated next to her reading another novel.
I stood up and went to the back of the room where the closet was. I saw Nakano-san standing on a chair, rummaging around at the top shelf.
"She must've moved them," she whispered to herself. She's probably looking for her box of manga books. Nakano-san seems like she doesn't like reading manga at home. I wonder why. Is there someone to make fun of her at home for reading manga?
I remember that I had to hide my manga and anime merch from my dad. My pops probably thought that crap was just that: crap. I was always trying to hide all of my manga books. My brother and sister always kept an eye out for my dad when he was getting close whenever I read my books.
I crouched down next to her and pulled out a box. "Is this what you're looking for?" I asked. The girl rummaging through the higher shelves that are too tall for her height looked down at my crouched stature. Inside the box was a bunch of colorful books with anime girls on the cover. They were all from the Parfait Girls manga series. I've read it because it was a slice-of-life story and because there was a little bit of romance.
"G-give me those!" she stammered, obviously flustered that I was looking through some of the childish books that she keeps in the clubroom. She stepped down and stood in front of me.
From behind me, Takeuchi-san's voice rang out. "Are you sure these belong to the Literature Club?" she asked.
"Mmm-!" Nakano-san tried to say, but no coherent words came out of her mouth. It sounds like she was trying to say the word manga but confused it with Monika. "Manga is literature!" she finally cried out.
I looked behind me. Takeuchi-san was leaning over Ono-chan's desk, making small talk with the doodling girl. I smiled. She smiled too before looking back over to Ono-chan, whose feet were kicking under the desk. She's like a child.
I looked back at the pink-haired girl. "Looks like you're trying to hide the fact that you read these things," I said, picking up one of the manga books and holding it up, waving it around.
"N-no! And give me that!" she swiped at the book and snatched it out of my head. I chuckled faintly.
"Relax, I get the reason why," I said.
"W-whatever!" she exclaimed. I put my hands up in surrender, backed off and went back to my own thing.
Thirty minutes passed. We were all doing our own things silently. I was flipping a coin in my hand while reading the light novel that I had. I still covered the book jacket with another book because I didn't want anyone to think I was into weird things. Nakano-san, Saito-san, and Ono-chan were reading their own thing. Takeuchi-san was packing some things up.
"Okay everyone!" called out Takeuchi-san, who closed a drawer. We stirred from our books and looked up at her. She walked up to the front of the room with a piece of paper in hand. "Let's share our poems!"
I brought mine out of my coat pocket. Ono-chan did the same. I swear, she always writes it last minute. Saito-san and Nakano-san took theirs out of their folders. We then started to partner up and share our poems.
Since mine was a very cute and simple poem, I decided to share it with Nakano-san because I know she likes that kind of thing.
I handed my poem to Nakano-san. From the way she was reading it, I could tell she liked it. Hers was also very simplistic as always. She smiled a little and handed me the poem back. "It's okay," she said, not meeting my eye. Well, I guess she likes it then.
After that, I showed it to Ono-chan and Saito-san. Ono-chan stated that it was better suited for Nakano-san, while Saito-san pretty much told me that she didn't like it at all.
Then I showed mine to Takeuchi-san. She took my paper and gave me some advice, which wasn't really important. I always do what she had told me, I just threw everything I knew about it out of the window.
"Here you are," Takeuchi-san said, handing me her poem. I gladly took it and read it.
It was called Hole in Wall. It was neatly written on a clean sheet of paper. Her writing style seemed a little like a version of cursive but in Japanese.
It couldn't have been me.
See, the direction of the spackle protrudes.
A noisy neighbor? An angry boyfriend? I'll never know. I wasn't home.
I peer inside for a clue.
No! I can't see. I reel, blind, like a film left out in the sun.
But it's too late. My retinas.
Already scorched with a permanent copy of the meaningless image.
It's just a little hole. It wasn't too bright.
It was too deep.
Stretching forever into everything.
A hole of infinite choices.
I realize now, that I wasn't looking in.
I was looking out.
And he, on the other side, was looking in.
I blinked a few times, trying to understand what was the meaning behind this poem. What is this hole that she speaks of? What did she see? What was the definition of a hole of infinite choices?
"I can see you're trying to figure out what it means," Takeuchi-san said, smiling slyly as a smug person would. I looked up at her and saw she had one hand on her hip. Her head leaning to the side.
"Yeah..." I said, my voice trailing off. I was chuckling on the inside because it sounded like the hole was supposed to be a special hole if you know what I mean. Wink wink.
"Well," she said, "I was trying to make a poem that sounds surreal. It's supposed to be obscure. I guess I made it a little too obscure."
"Yeah, I don't know what you were trying to say," I said, "Can you tell me what it means?"
She giggled and smiled faintly. "That's up to you to find out," she stated, winking.
"Please don't make me try to figure out what it means. My head hurts enough already," I whined as I gave her poem back. Honestly, I had enough on my mind already. I can't handle any more stress.
"Oh, I am," she said, "I want your answer by tomorrow morning. 500 Yen saying you can't." Damn! I already broke. I don't have any money on me.
"Just remember you are looking through a hole of infinite choices."
Honorifics: (Underlined honorifics are the ones used in current chapter)
-san: Most common, it is an all-purpose suffix that can be used in any situation where politeness is expected. Basically the titles Mr. Ms. etc.
-sama: This suffix is one level higher than "-san" and is used to confer great respect.
-kun: This suffix is commonly used at the end of boys' names to express endearment.
-chan: Feminine version of -kun.
Senpai: Superior/Upperclassmen.
Sensei: Master.
Translation notes:
1. Tsundere is a harem archetype that is cold/hostile towards the MC.
A/N: Hey, guys! God, it's been a while since I posted. Reason being I have been busy with school work. Damn, my IB program at school is biting me in the butt with these personal projects and volunteer honors. Fun fact, the Global Degree program the exchange students are a part of is based on the IB program. I already have a huge workload. I didn't post in June because I was out of the country and I didn't post in July because I was lazy, as well as school work in August. Now there's a huge Cat 4 hurricane about to hit my house. Great. In other news, there were "some" cursing in this chapter. Get ready for more especially later in the story. Anyways, peace!
