Thanksgiving Suggestors: Thank you so much for your feedback! I'm going to try and incorporate all of them!
AshenOne: I'm glad you enjoyed the way I used it! It was seriously a great stand! As for Susan's grave, "Cummings" was the whole reason why there were dicks in the first place! Jotaro was the one who drew one closest to her name. I have seen Scrub For Hire! I do like the idea of Valentine being a therapist, but I also have something else planned out for him. Maybe I could find a way to do both...
And yes, Jotaro was a bit biased.
"VALENTINE!"
Valentine turned with a jolt to find Jesus Christ floating above him in a golden light. Never before had he heard the Messiah raise his voice...
"What is it?! What's wrong?!"
"The Necromancer is set to attack UA within a week, if the alternate Necronomicon is not retrieved by that time, he will wipe out the school and everyone in it with his hoards! I'm sorry, I know you deserve more time to prepare, but there is no time to waste!"
Jesus put a hand on D4C's head, and the final horn was restored. D4C was now once again at it's full power. Valentine looked at his stand, and then at Jesus.
"What if I can't resist the Necronomicon's power?"
"...I don't know...but you're our only chance..."
Valentine took a deep breath. "This is...truly a desperate situation, isn't it?"
"This is the MAIN REALITY, every other universe is born from this one. If our universe falls...the entire multiverse will inevitably fall with it. You see, there is our multiverse...and then there is the DARK MULTIVERSE, where everything always goes wrong. Yin and Yang...if we fall, everything will just be dark, people will meet fates that were never meant for them..."
"A dark multiverse..." Valentine breathed out. "I need to go into the heart of it."
"Yes...all I can do is wish you luck...I truly hope that you can save us, because if you can't...I don't think I would be able to bear what happens next."
Valentine nodded, and Jesus handed him something.
His American flag.
Valentine held his flag, and looked back at Jesus. "I...I need to say my goodbyes...just in case..."
"I understand..." With that, Jesus vanished.
Valentine walked through the dorm hallways, and came to a stop at Johnny's door. For the first time...
He knocked.
Johnny groggily answered the door. "You know...I think I actually prefer it when you scare me awake...the adrenaline gives me the energy to deal with your bullshit..."
"The Necromancer is attacking within a week, and he's going to go all out."
Johnny fell silent, and the two old enemies stood there for a while. "It's the final showdown...huh?"
"With him...this...this is it. The whole reason I have remained by your side, why I was preserved post-mortem...this could be the final curtain..."
"...I'll get the others together. We're...going to WAR, aren't we?"
"I have to journey into the dark half of the multiverse, to retrieve the other Necronomicon...if I return...I will probably do so alive."
"Yeah..."
"Johnny. If...if I succumb to my lust for power...would you-?"
"I'll kill you again."
"Good...take care of your loved ones. It is not certain that everyone will make it through this."
"I will."
Valentine nodded and prepared his flag for the dimension hop.
"Valentine."
"Hm?"
Johnny met his eyes. "I...I believe in you."
"...Thank you, Johnny Kujo. I'll see you when I see you."
Valentine hopped under the flag, and disappeared.
Valentine opened his eyes, and the first thing that he noticed was that he was fat.
He had transferred D4C to the nearest version of himself that was still alive...and it happened to be an overweight version of himself. "God dammit..."
*Yes, this is a joke about Valentine's original design.*
Valentine felt his arms...arms of flesh and blood, the feeling of air filling his lungs. Things he wasn't able to do as a ghost. He was alive once more, albeit with a slight handicap. Luckily, D4C was back to it's full power, so it could handle all of the physical things.
Valentine looked around the Oval Office, remembering evenings surrounded in bills to veto or endorse.
If I stayed in this universe...I supposed I could work out a bit, I'd eventually return to my former physicality...I could also have the chance to finish out my term...
But I have a more important job to do...as much as it hurts.
Valentine got between the door and the wall, and warped dimensions once more.
"So...how can we defend ourselves from this? Acid King alone almost killed us...and now there's going to be a whole army of things like him." Kyoka said. "I think...I think it's likely that we won't live through this."
"We evacuate the school. Valentine gave us the advantage of foresight, we know he's coming." Jotaro stated. "I've already gotten Nezu's approval...as for the rest of us...we stay and fight."
"JoFoe is probably going to be involved...knowing what I do about the Necromancer, he's gonna order it to go after a Joestar." Izuku said.
"The Joestars will stay, he wants us dead more than any of you. You...all have the option to escape, if you want...no one will blame you."
"No." The group turned to see Bakugo shaking his head. "No...I don't run away."
"You guys made me feel like I'm a part of your family, you welcomed me with open arms...besides, fighting alongside you all is the way I want to go out." Gyro stated. "Maybe it was always the way I was supposed to..."
"Same here. I...I want to be a part of the Joestar family one day..." Kyoka took Johnny's hand. "I know I'm still a kid and all...and I shouldn't be thinking so far ahead...but I just feel like that's where I'm supposed to be. If the Joestars are going down...I am too."
"You know I'd never ask you to do this..." Johnny said.
"I'm a hero. It's in the job description, and I can't think of anything more heroic than protecting the people we love." Kyoka said, and Jotaro put his hand on her shoulder.
"Jiro...you're already a part of this family." He said simply, and Kyoka smiled. "Gyro...you already knew that."
"I'm not leaving either! The Necromancer made things really personal for me...and you all mean the world to me. If I die alongside my friends...it's worth it." Izuku said, and Johnny whipped around and hugged him.
"Izuku...you've been here since the beginning...as much as I hate thinking about anything happening to you...I'd be glad if you were there for the end."
"We were always going to be a team JoJo...remember? You, me, an..."
"And me." Bakugo finished, and fell silent.
Johnny nodded. "And you...Katsuki."
Gyro grinned, and then he noticed that Momo was staring out the window, having remained quiet for the whole conversation. "Hey Momo...no one's asking you to do this, you..."
"No...I...we're all just accepting our deaths...I...I don't want any of you to die."
"Perhaps none of us will, maybe everything will go right...maybe everything will go wrong. We just...want to stick together." Gyro said, putting a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at him.
"Then I am willing to die as well...if you all can live."
Jotaro sighed and put his head in his hands. "This could be it...so...if you have any goodbyes...you should get them out of the way, but don't make them sound like goodbyes, just in case we DO live through this."
"I...I need to call my mom." Izuku said, walking off.
"Izuku we're in the tree hou-"
"AHHHHHHHHHH! *THUD* owww..."
"It seems as though Izuku wanted to get it over with." Gyro joked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Are you okay?" Johnny called down.
"Yeah..."
"Good!" Johnny sat on a wooden beam and put his head in his hands.
"Hey..." Kyoka said, putting a hand out to caress his cheek. "Don't give up hope just yet, we'll make it out of this, I know it."
"I'm not worried about myself."
"Look...shit happens, and there is a good possibility things will go wrong...but they could also go right. You just...you just have to believe they will. Just...promise me something..."
"What?"
"If things do go wrong, and something happens to me, or somebody else...you won't become all self-destructive again. Live your life...even if I'm not in it. Can you do that?"
"Yeah...I will."
"Good...I love you Johnny, you know that, right?"
"I think it's obvious at this point...I love you too Kyoka, hopefully...we can continue to tell each other that after this..."
"We will, just have faith."
"Heh...yeah."
Momo watched the two with a saddened expression, and then looked out the window to see Gyro helping Izuku up. She just stared at him, Johnny and Kyoka's conversation playing through her mind.
I hope that WE can do that too...
This game has to end soon Gyro...we might not have much time left...
"FREEZE!"
Valentine slowly put his hands up as he was surrounded on all sides by armed sodiers in pink uniform. Alternate Cupid's Arrow...
He had successfully made it to the Dark Universe, where the second Necronomicon was located, and he was now being surrounded by an alternate version of his own armed guard...
He was in Japan.
"May I inquire the reason for the arrest?" Valentine asked.
"For impersonating the Supreme Leader, you fat bastard!" One called out.
"That's not nice." Supreme Leader?
"You aren't in any position to say what is nice. You're under arrest!"
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I have business to attend to...D4C!"
D4C grabbed one Cupid's Arrow soldier by the wrist and flung him into the others. The soldiers that weren't knocked down opened fire, and D4C blocked the gunfire as Valentine disappeared around a corner. The soldiers chased him, only to find that he was gone.
"DOJIYAAAAAAAAAAN!"
The soldiers couldn't even react in time as D4C clubbed them down from behind, but a bullet suddenly went through Valentine's leg.
DAMN! If only this version of myself was more physically active...I could've avoided that!
The remaining soldiers surrounded Valentine as he searched for a means of escape. One of them thumbed the safety on their gun...
"BURY THE LIGHT!"
The soldiers turned to find a hooded figure charging at them with a guitar in hand, and they all began opening fire upon the figure.
"IT'S HER! IT'S EA-"
*CLUNK!*
The hooded figure bashed his skull open with a single swing, and was swinging the guitar as if it were made of paper, easily batting the bullets aside, and was making short work of them. Valentine felt his spirit soar, as if he had suddenly been empowered.
That guitar is a STAND! It's making me stronger!
"D4C!" Valentine yelled, and his stand began ducking in between soldiers, causing them to suddenly come into contact with alternate versions of themselves. The hooded figure paused, noting how easily the other stand managed to take them out.
After they finished with the remaining soldiers, Valentine turned to his savior and bowed his head in respect. "Thank you for your assistance, I tru-"
"Shut it...I know who you are..."
The hooded figure suddenly pointed Bury the Light at Valentine. "I recognize your voice...I don't know how you managed to fatten yourself up...but you are certainly no imposter...FUNNY VALENTINE! "
His name was said with such venom, such hate...this person really didn't like him.
"I can assure you-"
"Why make me help you massacre your own men? You here to finish me off? Haven't you taken enough from me?"
"I know your voice too...but...you aren't a stand user...you CAN'T be a stand user..."
The alternate Kyoka Jiro lifted her hood and focused a piercing glare at Valentine. "You don't even remember our fight, am I really that small to you?" The first thing that Valentine noticed about THIS Kyoka was that she was missing an eye, almost as if it had been violently ripped out.
She didn't have her jacks either. Her ears were perfectly normal.
A long scar ran all the way down the side of her face that was missing an eye, and she quickly pulled an eyepatch over her wound. "Yeah, you did that, remember?"
"No, I'm not your world's Valentine, I come from a different universe! You have a quirk in that one-"
"Cut the bullshit!" Kyoka yelled. "What's with the different look for your stand, huh?! Is this another one of your sick games?!"
"I'm telling the truth!"
"YOU NEVER TELL THE TRUTH! YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT, AND YOU...you kill..." Kyoka said, a tear forming in her one good eye. "Why are you still tormenting me? Wasn't taking Johnny away from me enough?"
"If I can prove to you, that I am a different Valentine...will you hear me out?"
Kyoka pressed the end of her stand into Valentine's throat. "You have three seconds...then I kill you."
Valentine unfurled his American flag and blanketed it over Kyoka before she could do anything. "WHAT THE FUCK?!"
When she emerged, she immediately swung Bury the Light at Valentine's head, but D4C merely caught it, and Valentine put a finger to his lips.
"DON'T SHUSH ME, I'LL KI-"
"JOHNNY! Your son is running around naked again!" Kyoka paused as soon as she heard her own voice.
"What...?"
She looked around, they were in a completely different area than they once were. Kyoka peered into the window, and her eyes widened as soon as she saw an adult version of herself putting on her hero costume.
"This universe is a bit ahead of the curve...a universe that has a bright future. You see...D4C grants me the ability to hop between universes once I am pressed between two objects." Valentine explained, and Kyoka could only put a hand to the glass as an adult Johnny came into the room, chasing a small purple haired child across the living room.
"JO :2-! GET BACK HERE! Also, he is OUR son!"
"When he's like this, he's YOUR son." Adult Kyoka said, stopping the child with her foot. She reached down and scooped the giggling toddler in her arms, smiling. "That's right, you're just a little jerk like your father, aren't you?"
"You married me!"
"I did...you two jerks make me happy." Adult Kyoka replied, handing the child over to her husband. "Be a good boy for Daddy, okay Jo -$'2-? Mommy has to go out and do hero work."
"When did I become the stay at home parent again?"
"Relax, I'm taking over your shift next week, Mr. No.3, just be patient." Adult Kyoka kissed Adult Johnny. "Love you!"
"Love you too."
Valentine looked over at Kyoka, who was pressed against the window, never taking her eye of off the family inside. "Do you believe me now?"
"I...do..."
"I'm sorry, we have to go back, you could cause damage to this universe by remaining here."
Kyoka nodded. "Just...do it."
"I never heard back from Johnny...after the Steel Ball Run." Kyoka explained, taking a swig from a beer bottle. Valentine was about to object to the underaged drinking, but decided against it. "I knew you killed him...that you won, as soon as I woke up from the whole Training Camp fiasco. Well...OUR you anyway. Then you just came in and took over the country in a blink of an eye."
"How did I do that?"
"You had this book, apparently that's what you and Johnny were fighting over. No one could stand against you, especially with the stand you have in this universe...I tried. You...you killed the man I loved, I had to. So I...I found the stand arrow and jabbed myself with it...I didn't know I would lose my quirk...but it was too late."
"So that's why you don't have earphone jacks..."
"Yeah...I'm assuming your version of me still does, meaning your Johnny is probably still alive. Anyway...I formed this resistance group out of the remaining Joestars and Class 1A, and we attacked you. I think...I'm the only one left." Kyoka put her head down.
"They told me this world would be ruined...but they never mentioned that I was the one who ruined it. The Steel Ball Run happened in my universe too, but Johnny came out victorious. I was forced to spend time with him as a ghost...and..."
"He grew on you? Yeah...he does that." Kyoka said, reminiscing with a smile, before her face fell. "Or...did...why are you here then?"
"I come from the main reality. It is in jeopardy, because the book exists there too. Only I am capable of destroying it, and if I don't..."
"It could end up like mine." Kyoka finished, looking around at the ruined landscape. "Tell me Valentine...about what you showed me earlier...did your Kyoka ever have a chance with him? Did...would I have...?"
"Yes, my version of you is in a relationship with him...if he had lived in this universe...I'm sure he would have returned your feelings."
Kyoka stood up and put her guitar on the ground. "I don't want that Kyoka to suffer like I did...so if you can take that damn book out of here and save your own universe, I'll be happy to help."
"Thank you, Kyoka Jiro...I'll need it."
Kyoka pointed a finger at Valentine. "I'm trusting you...if you turn out like him..."
"I won't."
"Good. I probably should've guessed that you were from a different universe...my Valentine is a little less..."
"Don't say it."
"Fluffy."
"Body hopping sucks...I see that even in the worst possible reality, you still have your sense of humor."
Kyoka turned to look at the setting sun and sighed. "That was actually the first time I've teased someone in a while...I guess you gave me hope...come on, I'll show you to my shelter...we don't want to be out here at night."
"You DO have that zombie apocalypse survivor look going on..."
"Smart man."
The Necromancer flung Seiko Intelli's corpse next to the others, taking her blood and dumping it into a giant pool. "Ha! Looks like tea didn't save you this time! High IQ my ass!"
"Well...you weren't kidding when you said bucketfuls." Dabi remarked.
"Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on Uwabami's face! 'Oh no! Please don't kill me!' Well, maybe you should do more hero work than posing for magazines!" The Necromancer stated. "And don't get me started on the children!"
"You're a sick man, you know that?"
"These deaths won't matter in the long run...when the world is under my thumb, people will never mourn them." The Necromancer took off his cape, and flung it over JoFoe, who he was using as a coathanger. "They are necessary sacrifices."
"Remember what I said about Shoto..."
"I'll leave him be." The Necromancer waved Dabi off.
"Do you have to keep all of these in here? It smells."
"Buddy, I don't give a damn, you can run and pick up some Febreeze if you want."
"Febreeze, really?"
"Yeah, you know, from the commercials? Removes 99 percent of odors or some shit. Get that."
"You really think Febreeze could remove the stench of rotting flesh?"
"It should."
"It's rotting flesh."
"99 PERCENT!"
"You really buy that?"
"GIVE ME SOME GODDAMN FEBREEZE, I'LL SHOW YOU!"
"Why are you getting so worked up over an air freshener?"
"Because I have faith, that the commercials are 100% factual, I'm not gonna take the word of a burnt chicken nugget, until I've tested it out myself!"
"One, ouch. Two, never trust a commercial Necromancer, everybody knows that."
"GIVE ME THAT MOTHER. FUCKIN'. COCK. SUCKIN'. FEBREEEEEEZE!"
"Fine, fine, I'll let you figure it out on your own. Don't say I didn't warn you." Dabi walked out of the Necromancer's lair, and he came back thirty minutes later with a can of Febreeze. "Also, I'm not your goddamn errand boy."
The Necromancer ripped the can out of Dabi's hands and began spraying it all over the room. JoeFoe sneezed as soon as it made contact, and the other two began gagging.
"The smells...mixed...BLARGH!" The Necromancer said, falling to the floor.
"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!"
"FUCK YOU...FEBREEZE I TRUSTED YOU!"
Dabi began crawling on all fours, while the Necromancer began punching the wall, deeply regretting his lack of windows.
Quick Question: Who do you guys think should concede the battle? Gyro or Momo?
Credit for Bury the Light goes to PhantomKnightPercival!
