Past Memories

One year ago

Rummaging through my locker, I was trying to find my textbook for Physics class. I could've sworn I had it here somewhere.

Around me, students bustled around, some of them in a rush to get to their next class, others not eager to learn. Some were walking around, whether it is to their next class, to the bathroom, or to the vending machine for a quick snack, while others milled around the busy hallway. Some were talking with their friends while others were grabbing things from their lockers.

It was September. One month has passed since my junior year started. I was getting by with a few friends, but we weren't close at all. It almost felt like I was alone. Which was fine by me. At this time, I needed to be alone.

It has already been two months since I saw my brother for the last time. Since I saw his bloodied fingers and neck, his pale skin, his sullen and sunken eyes, his lifeless body dangling from the ceiling fan by a rope around his neck. Investigators concluded that since he used a stool, he let himself down on the rope slowly, not letting the force of the fall snap his neck and ending his life like that. Instead, he slowly asphyxiated and probably changed his mind a few seconds into it. That's why there were scratch marks on his neck and why his fingers were bloody. In fact, maybe he didn't change his mind but rather had his survival instincts kick in.

I needed to be alone so that I can sort through everything, to try and get my head back together.

After all, I don't think I deserve to be with anyone after what I did.

There was a group of girls to my left. One of them was rummaging through her own locker, only her black hair visible from where I stood. There were also two other girls standing around her, both wearing matching Ray-Bans. The only thing different from them was that one had blonde hair and the other had red hair.

"Kaylee," said the girl rummaging through her locker, "So you're saying I'm not the only one who got the letter?"

"Nope!" said the blonde girl, Kaylee I assume, "I got the letter too! And so did Rose over here."

"Yeah, I got it last night," said the red-haired girl, Rose, "Something about a foreign exchange program here at this school. Seems like it's going to Japan."

"Ugh, looks like I'm not gonna be alone," said the black-haired girl as she slammed the locker door closed, showing her face to reveal that she too was wearing a matching pair of Ray-Bans, "I kinda wanted to go alone."

"Don't be silly, Zara!" exclaimed the first girl, Kaylee, "It's gonna be fun! I heard there were two more people who were supposed to get the letter."

"Yeah, both of them were guys," said Rose, who hugged her books closer to her chest, "One was Charlie from the basketball team."

"Oh yeah! CJ!" exclaimed Kaylee cheerfully, "I know him 'cause I do cheerleading!"

"There was another guy, I don't know his name though," continued Rose, "But I heard he was one of the best people here in the Global Degree program at this school."

"Well, whoever it is, I hope he's cute!" said Kaylee with a bright smile.

"Okay, okay," chided the black-haired girl, Zara, "I'll think about it."

The three girls left soon after. I kept rummaging and rummaging and then decided to look in my backpack. Maybe I put it in there and forgot.

I got on one knee and slid my backpack off my shoulders, unzipping it to see its contents. And there was my blue Physics book sitting there. Goddamnit, I fuckin' forgot it was in there.

Slamming my locker shut, I walked away, slinging my backpack back onto my shoulders.

The crowd thinned to a few people. My class was on the other side of the school. I always had to double-time it to class because of that. So I started down the near-empty hallway.

I was almost to class, I just had to turn right at the end of this hallway. There was barely anyone here except for a few students at the end of the hallway. They seemed to clamor around this one locker. Looking closer, there was someone in the middle of the crowd. The familiar black hoodie of a certain troublemaker that I live with. And the crowd didn't seem too pleased with her.

There were two girls and one tall guy towering over my sister, who seemed to cower away from them, but with nowhere to go, all she could do was just stay there. What the fuck is going on? Again? Is she getting herself into trouble again?

"Ah c'mon," said the guy, who had his arm against the locker in a sort of kabe-don position, trapping Megan, while the two other girls blocked off of her escape. I knew this guy. Dick Harris, The star quarterback on the football team here at this school. Little does anyone knows, he harasses my sister every now and then. The two other girls, his sisters, like to join in with their brother in his antics. Which includes this.

"J-just let me go!" my sister exclaimed defiantly, "I'm gonna be late for class. And gimme that back!" Megan swiped out her hand towards one of the sisters, who yanked back whatever she was holding. In her hand was the leather-bound journal that my sister likes to draw in. It was open and there was one of her drawings shown on the brown aged page, a dragon breathing fire while a man armored in plate mail and wielding a sword facing down the reptile. The sisters seemed to laugh at the drawing.

"What, are you five?" they mocked, ignoring Megan entirely, "Who draws crap like this anyways?" In a shrill voice, the two laughed like fucking hyenas. Damn, they're annoying.

"Oh fuck you!" my sister exclaimed. Meanwhile, the sisters, unamused at Megan's act of defiance, stared at her in disgust.

Looks like I gotta help her out one more time, I thought as I took a deep breath, getting ready for the encounter with these assholes. I already got in trouble by fighting them at this school, but one more time couldn't hurt, would it?

"Ah, forget about 'em," said the guy, "Just come with me. Just this one time. C'mon, it'll be fun. I'll make sure it won't hurt." Oh, what the hell? He's bothering her with that again. Gross.

"Thanks for the offer," said Megan as she shoved him aside, "But I refuse. Besides, I'm late for class." Megan was able to push her way out of that little trap, but Dick grabbed her arm as she tried to trudge off, which was odd because the girls still had her journal.

"Woah, woah, woah, where are you going, darlin'," Dick said, "You know I don't take no for an answer." Alright, I'll jump in now, I guess.

"Hey, man," I said with my arms open as if to welcome a friend, my voice casual, laidback tone as to not aggravate the guy, who was bigger than me and would beat me in a fight (and he did a few times already), "Let the lady go already. Poor girl's already missing class."

Dick met my eyes and slowly let go of Megan, who tried to put some distance away from Dick. "Well, well, well," said he, "If it isn't Megan's knight in shining armor. How's the ankle? You looked like you fucked it up during gym."

"It's better," I said, keeping up this "casual" conversation, "Swelling's down. Still kinda hurts. How 'bout you? Coach still has you running drills?"

"What do you know about playing football?" sneered Dick.

"Oh, not much," I said, keeping my act up, "Only know stuff from what I see on TV… Anyways, what are you three doing here? Aren't you guys supposed to be in class?"

"What are you, a hall monitor?" said Dick.

"Hey, I'm just a guy going to class," I said, "And from the looks of your grades, it looks like you gotta get to class to if you wanna stay on the team."

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you," he insulted.

"And I think she wants to get to class too," I said, pointing to Megan, "Ain't that right, sis?"

"Oh, well, I'm waiting for you two boys to finish the fuck up so that I can get outta here," she said, "I don't wanna be waiting all day, do I?"

"See? Just let her go," I said.

"Ugh, fine," groaned Dick, stepping away from Megan. Meanwhile, I walked over to the girl who was holding Megan's journal and plucked it out of her hands.

"You're such a buzzkill," said the girl, to which I paid no heed to while handing the journal to Megan. I took Megan under my arm and we walked off.

"See you guys later," I said, looking back to see the trio walking off without a word like the obnoxious pricks that they are. Dick looked back and smoldered angrily for a second before walking away.

"You know, you didn't have to help me," mumbled Megan.

"What, no thank you?" I asked, "After saving you, you don't say thanks?"

"How about fuck you?" insulted Megan. I shook my head and put my hand on her head, ruffling her hair as if she was a kid. I dropped her off at her class and then ran to my own class as fast as I could. I was already tardy numerous times this month already, I don't want the school getting on my ass.

Later, afterschool

School went by as slowly as possible, drawing out the minutes so that they felt like hours on end. I didn't even pay attention in class. My mind kept drifting off to God knows where. This has become a problem already because my grades started to slip a little. I tried hard to concentrate, but after everything that has happened, I can't get myself to focus.

Backpack slung over my shoulders, I walked out with my hands in my pockets. No one came to talk to me, no one looked in my direction. It just felt like I could just disappear and no one would even know. I guess that's what happens when you don't have friends. But whatever, if no one cared if I died, that's fine by me.

I met up with Megan by the two flagpoles in front of the school. The flags, one with the logo of our school and the other the Stars and Stripes, flew in the wind, waving like the waters down by the beach. Like waves, students rushed out of the doors, free from the bounds of compulsory education. Everyone was eager to get out of school, and for good reason too. It was Friday, and everyone was already wanting to hang out after school.

The two of us walked home. Usually, my brother would take us home in his car since both of us still don't have our drivers' licenses. But since he's… not here, we walk home. Which is fine for the most part, but not today.

We lived a ways from the school, so obviously there wouldn't be anyone around us after the crowd thinned. Already, we were alone, just my sister and I. We walked on the sidewalk in some secluded area of the nearby city. Both of us were headed to some local fast food restaurant just to get something to chew on our way home. Megan didn't eat lunch for some reason, so she was hungry.

Around us, apartment buildings loomed over us, casting a shadow on the street down below, giving us a bit of shade from the oppressive Hawaiian sun. There was no one here, oddly enough. I felt like something was gonna happen for some reason, like a shiver down my spine.

God, I wish I was wrong.

We heard the sound of a car pull up from behind when we were nearing the corner of the street. There were no other cars around us, but neither of us actually looked to see if the car was near or not.

I looked to my left at the road to look at the car that I heard earlier. There was the car, some sort of vintage deep blue Ford Mustang with white racing stripes running along the body of the car. My heart sank when I saw the car because I knew whose car it was. Dick Harris. I saw the guy behind the wheel, staring right at me. It was only him in the car. No one else. He made sure no one would see what he was going to do.

The car door opened and I see the guy step out. Scared shitless, I held my ground, clutching my fists as I put Megan behind me to protect her. Meanwhile, Dick walked right at me, his eyes smoldering in anger. Oh shit, was this about earlier?

When he got to me, he was practically standing over me. I was only about 5'8, while this guy was over 6 feet. But I had to hold my ground to keep Megan out of harm's way.

I put my hands up in self-defense, protecting my face from any blows this guy could throw. "Hey, man, c'mon, let's talk about this," I stuttered as I backed up a bit. But Dick didn't stop. Without saying a word, he threw a punch, which I blocked. I dropped my hand for a second to see if I can throw a punch. That was a poor move.

"Sawyer!" Megan cried out as the world had gone dark for a second, the sun just a tiny star in the night sky. I fell backwards onto the pavement, unable to move due to the pain which radiated from my eye. I just took a blow to the eye by my assailant. That's gonna leave a mark.

The guy pounced on top of me and threw punch after punch. I tried to get into a fetal position to protect myself. I can't do anything now.

"This is because of earlier, you motherfucker!" grunted Dick as he threw more wild blows that landed on my chest, "You think you can tell me what to do? You son of a bitch? I'm gonna kill you!"

"Stop! Stop! Just get off of him!" cried out Megan, who put her hand on Dick's shoulders, trying to get him to stop beating me half to death.

"Stay out of this, you stupid bitch!" he screamed as he turned his attention to my sister, laying his hands on her. I looked up to see what was going on and immediately tried to shove Dick off of me. I pushed the guy off of me, or at least tried to. He stumbled back for a second, giving me time to stand up. Unfazed, he charged at me again. Shit, I need help!

"Hey, hey, hey, stop you sons of bitches!" commanded a voice behind me. A voice that sounded a little familiar, something I was acquainted with.

I looked behind to see a familiar face as he turned the corner dressed in blue Navy combat fatigues. He hurried over to where we were and put himself between me and Dick. He had an outstretched hand between the two of us. He looked at Dick and said "Now I'm gonna tell you to get in that car and get outta here, okay? And I'm only gonna tell you once, got it?"

Dick, with his brow furrowed, now found himself in a predicament. He wasn't gonna win this fight today. But like the arrogant bitch that he was, he spat at the ground right next to the man's boots and got in his car, driving away. Good thing he missed the uniform, or there'll be hell to pay, knowing the man standing in front of me.

"You always somehow manage to appear at the right place at the right time," I said, crossing my arms. My sister, who was alright, stood right next to me.

The man in the combat fatigues standing in front of me was an old friend of Wyatt. And by old, I mean someone who has been with him before I was even born. Best friends with my brother practically out of the crib, this man had been inseparable. Until this summer when my brother said his final goodbyes.

"Well, they don't call me lucky for nothing," chuckled the man as he turned to show his face, a clean-shaven man with a sturdy jawline, his hair kept short as to not piss off his superior officers. His nametag had his last name on it: Johnson. His rank insignia was also next to it: an Ensign.

"No one calls you that, Ensign Johnson," I said, shaking my head with a bit of a smirk despite me being beat to hell just five minutes ago.

"Look at you, smiling even though you were getting the shit beat outta you," smirked the sailor, "And I do have a nickname, thank you very much."

"I may be a huge otaku, but there's no way in hell I'm calling you 'JoJo' because your name is Jonathan Johnson," I said, shaking my head even more, "It's weird calling a commissioned officer by an anime name."

"Aw, c'mon," whined Ensign Johnson, "The name stuck! Hell, they even stenciled it on one of the fighters on the ship! 'Ensign Joeseph 'JoJo' Johnson' is etched on the side of it."

Ensign Johnson, or JoJo if you wanna be that type of guy to call a sailor that, was my brother's wingman. My brother usually leads a four-man flight with Johnson over here being his right-hand man.

"Whatever, man," I said, "Thanks for the save."

"No problem, man," he approached me with an outstretched hand, with me taking it and shaking it, "Brothers look out for each other, right?"

"Hooah brother," I said, smirking.

"Well, I'ma be off. If you need me, I'll be at the bar with the rest of the squadron," he said. With a kind smile, he left in the opposite direction of where we were going. Thanks for the help, I thought to myself before walking away.

"You still wanna get something?" I asked Megan, who walked alongside me.

"Nah," she said, "I'm not in the mood anymore."

Later, at home

Thank fuck Dad wasn't home. I didn't need anyone bothering me anymore today. I kinda just wanted to fall asleep after a long day. But there's work to be done at home. Homework, that is, as well as tidying up.

As soon as I opened the door, the aroma of pasta cooking on the stove invaded my sense of smell. Mom, who came from an Italian family, had grown up cooking all things Italy. So every night, we always have something Italian. Whether it is spaghetti or fettuccini alfredo, we always have some carbs for dinner.

Megan, without saying a word, made a beeline upstairs doing whatever she usually does, probably just drawing in her notebook or something. Meanwhile, I had the decency to go to say hi to Mom.

After putting my bag and books on the stairs, I went to the kitchen where the smell was coming from. There my mom was, cooking up dinner while wearing an apron on top of her blue scrubs.

Mom works as a nurse down at Pearl and as a part-time waitress at a diner nearby the base, so she sees lots of sailors in her daily life. The guys down at the harbor knew her because they're always going to the hospital after having too many drinks, with my mother always checking them out to make sure they're okay. Those sailors, despite being in the armed forces, are some of the kindest people I've ever met. No wonder why my brother joined the Navy.

"Hey, Mom," I said as I entered the kitchen. Mom turned around and her eyes grew wide, probably because of my eye, which felt kind of swollen.

"Oh Sawyer!" she exclaimed as she hurried over to me to shower me in kisses and to smother me in a bear hug, "What happened? Another fight?"

"Yeah," I said, "Same guy too. It wasn't at school. Ensign Johnson helped me when he was passing by."

"Oh, I'm worried about you!" she said as she hugged me tighter.

"Mom, Mom, relax!" I grunted as her hug started crushing my ribs, "I'm fine. Seriously."

"Well I'm glad you're alright," said she as she released me from her grip. I looked around and saw an opened envelope on the dinner table, the envelope sporting the logo of my school.

"What's this?" I said as I picked up the piece of paper that sat next to the envelope.

"It's… um… something that I wish you would think about," Mom said, "It's from GD. They selected you to be one of the candidates for a foreign exchange program. Well, not really an exchange, no one from that country is coming here."

"Where too?" I asked, "Somewhere far away?"

"Yes," said Mom with a smile, "To Japan. For a year. You're gonna do your senior year over there." Away from home? For a year? That's a deal of a lifetime! Finally, I can get the hell outta here!

"I'll… think about it," I said, folding the paper and pocketing it.

"Great! I really want you to get out of this place. I mean it. Honolulu's done you in. You deserve it," Mom hugged me for a second time.

"What about the money? And you and Megan?" I asked.

"Don't worry about the money, GD said that they got you covered. And don't worry about us, we'll be fine."

With a smile on my face, a true and genuine smile in months, I laughed. I'm finally getting out of this hellhole.

I let Mom finish up dinner. I went upstairs to do my homework. The night went by without so much of a cry or anything. It was just another normal night. After finishing up my homework, I changed into my PJs and climbed into bed.

I woke up in the middle of the night needing to use the restroom. I looked at my alarm clock, which read "2:23 AM". I got up and shuffled to my door.

The hallway was dark. There were no lights anywhere except the restroom, which had light streaming in from underneath the doorway. Who the hell is still up at two in the morning?

My hand reached onto the doorknob and twisted. I didn't care if my mom or my sister was in there, I'm used to them already. I've already seen them naked anyways, and I didn't care.

But for some reason, the doorknob didn't budge. The door was locked. Not a problem though, I know how to get into the restroom even though the door's locked. All I have to do is to turn the doorknob counter-clockwise hard enough. In fact, it works with almost any door upstairs, save for my parent's room.

I heard the lock loosen itself and I was able to turn the doorknob to open the door. I pushed the door open and immediately, shock filled my entire body, for there I stood seeing my sister standing by the sink, holding something to her arm. "M-Megan?" I stammered as I glanced at her arm.

Back in the present

"Lee-san!" exclaimed Saito-san as she quickly unraveled her sleeve, covering her forearm. In her hand was a blade, a small dagger that can't be any longer than my middle finger. When I saw her, she had that blade at her wrist, doing something that I was all too familiar with.

"S-Saito-san!" I said as I approached her carefully, "What are you doing with that?"

Saito-san backed up a couple of steps away from me, holding the knife close to her chest with both of her hands as if she was hugging it. She cowered away from me, her face flushed with embarrassment.

"This shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have come here," she said, stepping away further and further, "You'll just think I'm some sort of freak."

"Saito-san," I said, stepping forward, "Why would I think you are a freak?"

"D-doesn't everyone?" she said, still defensive, "I don't talk to anyone, I stay to myself. I don't have any friends that I am close with."

"Saito-san," I tried to get her to understand, "You're my friend. I'm not gonna just let this slide. C'mon, just at least give me the knife."

Saito-san clutched the blade even tighter for a second as if she was showing no signs of giving in. Then finally, she loosened up a bit. She put the knife down onto the sink and slid it towards me. I caught the knife and picked it up, examining it. It wasn't some envelope opener, it was really a dagger. There was an intricate golden design on the handle, a blood-red jewel encased in the middle of the handle. It was an actual custom blade.

"So that's what Nakano-san was talking about," I said, "That's what she was worried about."

"N-Nakano-san?" said Saito-san, "N-Natsuki was worried about me?"

"Of course," I said, "She's your friend, right?"

Saito-san looked down, maybe in shame or in disappointment, one of the two. She stepped towards me, approaching until she was face to face with me. For a second, she kept her eyes to the floor. She then looked up into my eyes and held out her hand for the knife. I handed it back to her. That wasn't a good idea.

She took the knife and examined it for a second until putting it back in a sheath that was in her jacket pocket. She looked back down at the ground for a second time. I was about to say something before she just bolted past me right out of the restroom.

"Saito-san! Wait!" I cried out with an outstretched hand, but she didn't turn around. I ran out of the restroom and looked down the hall. There she was, running away from me. I didn't give chase, for I was too tired to even walk anymore. My knees felt weak from today.

I feel like coming to Japan is only unburying my past memories.

After the club had disbanded for the day, I went home. Nakano-san had volunteered to take Saito-san's stuff with her since Saito-san left her bag. I didn't tell the club what had happened. I figured that would make things worse for the time being. I figured that Saito-san didn't need the extra attention right now. I just told Nakano-san that Saito-san booked it. "Damn it, Yuri," I remembered her saying as she was grabbing Saito-san's stuff, "What's going on with you?"


Honorifics: (Underlined honorifics are the ones used in current chapter)

-san: Most common, it is an all-purpose suffix that can be used in any situation where politeness is expected. Basically the titles Mr. Ms. etc.

-sama: This suffix is one level higher than "-san" and is used to confer great respect.

-kun: This suffix is commonly used at the end of boys' names to express endearment.

-chan: Feminine version of -kun.

Senpai: Superior/Upperclassmen.

Sensei: Master.


A/N: Welp, here we are. Sawyer finds out that Yuri does it (I don't wanna say the word). I was worried that this fic would turn out as cringy as something like 13 Reason Why. I hope to God it doesn't turn out like that.

I had trouble writing this chapter. For some reason, every time I come to a depressing topic in a fic, I can't think of how my characters react (I'm writing as I go along, I have a plan, just a rough idea as to how the events of the story happen.) And I don't know how to approach someone who harms themselves like Yuri, so it's uncharted territory. It's weird, really. I know how things are gonna play out but every time I reach a pivotal moment in a story, I can't seem to write it.

Well, I guess I'll see you all in the next one. Peace out!