Ghost Under The Light

November 3rd, Monday

"See you later!" I called out to Mr. and Ms. Kobayashi as I headed out the door, feeling the cool November breeze blow past my hair. Readjusting my olive drab Army jacket over my school uniform, I stuck my hands into my jacket pockets.

November has arrived and the weather's getting cooler. As much as I would love to see fall in Japan, I cannot for the life of me handle the cold. Growing up in Hawaii, where it's practically summer all year long, I'm so used to the heat of Honolulu that sudden cold feels very foreign to me (well, everything's foreign to me since I'm in Japan). In fact, it's usually around 80 degrees Fahrenheit back home during your average December. That drastic change to Japanese climate is gonna kill me.

Even though the sun was beaming down on me, I can't help but feel kinda cold. If I'm already this cold, I wonder how snow'll be like. Though, there's only one place that snows in Hawaii: the peak of Mauna Kea, one of the highest points in Hawaii. Everything else, it's pretty much summer.

"Hey, Sawyer!" cried out Sayori as I stepped outside, with her already at the gate. She waved me down and bounded to me like a puppy, not wearing an outer jacket on her school uniform. I don't think the school will approve of me wearing another jacket, but honestly, I'm already pretty cold.

"Sayori, you're not cold?" I asked, "I'm freezing right now."

"Nope!" she said with a cheeky smile, "You're just a baby!"

"Alright, can't argue with that," I said, shrugging as I rubbed my eyes, trying to keep myself awake on a Monday morning. Honestly, someone please give me a shot of caffeine, I need to go to bed earlier than I do now.

We made our way through the waking city, trying to get to school. We stopped by a McD's on the way there to get some breakfast, nothing too special. Nothing out of the ordinary on that normal Monday morning.

The only thing of note was the fact that the trees were turning into wonderful and colorful shades red, orange, and yellow. Leaves turned light brown as they fell to the ground, crunching underneath the soles of my oxford shoes that's part of my uniform. We passed by a Japanese maple tree, whose leaves were of a crimson red hue.

Sayori commented on the beauty of fall. She loved how the trees change from a standard green color to a vibrant mosaic of different colors, how leaves flutter and fall like the grace of a ballerina, how the cool and crisp wind carries the leaves into the air like airplanes. In the distance, you could even see the mountains change color as the forests that covered the mountains were changing their leaves, signifying the changing of the seasons. Autumn has arrived in full swing and its immense beauty just continues to amaze me. The beach is cool and all, but you ain't gonna get a better view in Hawaii when it comes to this weather.

"You know, people here tend to hate the colder weather," said Sayori, "It's like you can't go outside at all because it's so cold. And lots of people hate bundling up in multiple layers of clothes. But I don't really think so."

"Really?" I asked, "What's so special about the cold, then? I don't have any experience with such weather, so that's why I'm asking."

"You haven't?" asked Sayori, "It has never gotten cold where you live?"

"Where I'm from, it's always summer," I said, "Hawaii's never cold unless you go to a specific point."

"Oh, well, there's the pretty clothes that people start to wear," she commented, "All of those coats and jackets gives people more clothing options. All of those cute jackets that go on sale at stores look absolutely gorgeous!"

"You do realize I don't have a sense of style when it comes to clothes, right?" I remarked, half-joking behind a smirk.

"What?" she said, "No you don't! You look great in that jacket. That shade really brings out your eyes."

I looked down at my olive drab jacket, which was my grandfather's old uniform when he served. There were a couple of tears in the fabric, one of which was a dime-sized hole on the left shoulder, another smaller tear on the back of the jacket. It gave me a sort of rugged look, as if I had gone through a good amount of punishment. But I didn't think it made me look good at all. Was she lying about the jacket? As if she was trying to spare my feelings?

Nah, nah, she wouldn't do that. She's Sayori after all.

"Oh," I said, looking back at her with a smile, "Thanks!"

"Well, getting back to the topic, there's still a lot of stuff to do in the cold," she kept on explaining, "You could go to the park and watch the trees lose their leaves. Or make a pile of leaves and jump into the pile. Or just sit on a park bench with a cup of hot cocoa. And hey, maybe you could be with another person if you want. It's cuddle season after all."

As Sayori kept rambling on and on about the beauty of the passing of the season, I can't help but wonder if she would do this stuff with me. You know, as a friend. Going to the park and watching the leaves fall, sitting next to each other on a bench, watching all of Mother Nature's fall festival ensue. Reminiscing on our childhood even though we weren't even twenty years old yet. You know, something that you'd see in a Hollywood romance movie.

As I listened to the girl talk about her favorite activities in the fall, I smiled. Not because I was thinking of doing all of those activities that she was telling me about. But rather, because Sayori had a big and bright smile on her face. One that could warm any heart in the bitter cold of the world. It's kind of weird, really. I mean, I have only known this girl for half a year, but it feels like I've known her for my whole life. Does that mean I'm…

No, no, no! Stop it! I chastised myself quietly, What the fuck are you doing Sawyer?

Like always, when we got to the school, she and I had part ways. I made my way to my class because I woke up a little late, so I don't have time to laze around the courtyard. Switching out my street shoes to my rubber uwabaki slippers, I trudged to my morning class, still sort off half awake because of the lack of sleep.

I still wore my jacket on top of my uniform, keeping me warm inside the school. A few students have glanced over to what I was wearing because I was the only one who was out of dress code. But whatever, I'm cold as hell right now.

I made my way to class and like always, I plopped my stuff on my desk and sat down. Already, Monika was at her desk, doodling notes into a music notation booklet, quietly humming a cheerful tune, one that could lull me to bed if I wanted to.

If I'm gonna be honest, she does have quite the singing voice. It's not as high as one would think of a stereotypical Japanese school girl (you know, the type you see in anime with a rather high pitched voice), but not too low either. In fact, she has that sort of voice that, while is not angelic, it's more friendly. I dunno how to describe it. When I heard her sing when we went to that karaoke bar many months ago, hearing her sing felt, how do I put this, refreshing. Nothing holy like a church choir, but soothing to the soul.

"Goddamn, since when were you working on that one piece?" I commented. Monika closed her notation booklet and looked at me, her eyes partially closed as if she was just done with my shit.

"Oh, this is a different piece I'm trying to make," said she, "I decided to just stop working on that first song because I was going nowhere fast."

"Ah, so a writer's block, but for music," I said with a smirk, "A musician's block if you will."

"Eh, something like that," shrugged Monika as she put her notation book away in her bag hanging from the hook at the edge of the desk, "You know, I've always wanted to be a singer when I grow up."

"Really?" I asked, "Like a pop star? Or idol or whatever the hell you Japanese call it?"

"Oh no, nothing like that," Monika shook her head, "Fame really isn't something I'd like to be proud of. I was thinking more along the lines of just someone who can make a soft ballad that sounds like poetry to the ears."

"Something that'll go good with a piano or a guitar I assume?"

"Yeah!" said Monika with a grin, "Something like that. Something kind of like an American folk song or jazz and R&B."

"Well, good luck with that, then," I said, "I'm not a big musician, I just know a thing or two."

"Oh, don't say that," Monika leaned in closer, a sly grin on her face as she rested her elbows on her knees. She spoke in a quiet voice, quiet enough so that only I could hear. "How about you come down to the music room with me after school and have a one on one. I could teach you a thing or two."

Oh come on, please don't say that, I whined silently as my eyes widened with fear and excitement, blood rushing to my cheeks as we speak, It's too early in the morning.

"Uh," was all that I was able to muster as Monika met my gaze, a shit-eating smirk on her face. I knew she was teasing me again, like she does almost every day, but still. Not cool.

You know, you'd really think you'd get used to being the subject of Monika's antics when you've known her for this long. But it still gets me off guard.

The bell rang a second later, breaking our concentration. In walked our teacher, who was already drilling us on what we did wrong on our previous test. Monika straightened up, forgetting what she had just told me. I guess I was saved by the bell there.

Lunch

Lunch came around and Monika went off to do what she usually does. Meanwhile, CJ left to get some food from a restaurant down the street. So, I was the only one who ended up going upstairs to the roof of one of the buildings because the triplets were spamming my phone, said they wanted to talk to me about something. I tried asking what they wanted to know, but they told me "to do it in person". Whatever the hell that means.

"Hey, Sawyer!" cried Kaylee as she spotted me from the stairs. They were sitting at a bench that was facing the courtyard, eating their lunches that were on their laps. And of course, they took up the entire bench, leaving me with no place to sit.

I walked over there, bento box in hand. "Hey," I said as I waved, "Why'd y'all call me over here? You guys said you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Yeah," said Rose with a smirk, "I just wanted to ask you something."

"Couldn't you just have done it over the phone?" I said, "I mean, that'd be faster than me just going up here."

"What, you don't wanna have lunch with us?" asked Kaylee, "I mean, it's proving a point of mine, isn't that right Zara?"

"Oh hell no," said Zara, "He's just talking about how you two are insufferable half of the time."

"Ah, come on," groaned Rose, "That's not why you're dodging us, right, Sawyer?"

"Well, Zara's not wrong," I said with a smirk and a shrug, being a little rude to them, but playfully. Verbal roughhousing if you will.

"Ah, quit lying," said Kaylee, "You're not intentionally avoiding us, right?" I'm not lying. You want me to take a polygraph test?

I stared at her for a second or two without saying a word, trying to make it as comically awkward as possible. "So," I said after that pause, trying to sound like I'm trying to change the subject, "What is it you guys wanted to ask me?"

The three girls looked at each other for a second before looking back at me. "Well," said Rose, "We wanted to know if you're dating someone."

"Wait, didn't we talk about this the last time we met?" I asked. Really, last Thursday, they asked me during lunch. Why are we bringing this up again?

"We did," said Kaylee with a smirk, "But I've been thinking about what you said."

"I told you," I groaned, shaking my head, "I'm not dating anyone. What makes you think that I am?"

"On Friday, we asked you if you wanted to go with us to a party we've been invited to," said Rose, "One being hosted by Kaylee's cheerleader friends. But you refused, saying you had somewhere to go."

"Well, yeah," I said, scratching the back of my head, "But why would you already assume I'm going out with someone?"

"Because when we asked where you're going, you said you're going with your literature friends," explained Rose, "As if you'd rather spend more time with them than us."

"Uh, sorry for choosing them over you guys that night?" I said, unsure if that was the right response.

"Oh no, we're not mad at all," said Kaylee, "In fact, I'm happy you're making new friends, since… well, you know."

"Wow, you didn't have to do me like that, you know?" I said with mock offense, placing hand on my heart as if I was emotionally hurt.

"Ah, sorry, sorry," laughed Kaylee.

"But I have been thinking," continued Rose, "You've been getting awfully close to those friends of yours."

"Well, sure, but I'm not getting that close to them," I said, trying to defend myself, "What you're thinking of is just an isolated incident."

"Yeah, no," said Zara, speaking up for once, "That's where you're wrong."

"The hell are you talking about?" I asked, slightly miffed. Okay, do they really need to do a polygraph test on me?

"Remember a couple of weeks ago?" asked Rose, "We asked you if you wanted to go shopping with us, but you said you were hanging out with Sayori or whatever her name was again. Go back a few weeks more, when we asked if you wanted to go to the movies, you said you were getting coffee with that girl from your class. Monika, I think her name was."

"To be fair, that first one, I didn't go because I don't like shopping," I said in such a poor defense in my case.

"And that was not the only times you shot us down," said Zara, shaking her head slowly. "Shame. And here I thought you were a real one."

As the bell rang, my mouth was held agape, sort of confused after what had happened. As if to mock me, they shook their heads the entire time as they cleaned up and walked past me to the stairwell without a word. I looked back at the departing girls. What the fresh hell did I do?

Rose paused and stopped at the door that led to the stairwell. Already, the other two were heading down to their class. Rose looked back at me.

"You know," said Rose, "I am proud of you though."

"Huh?" I asked, "Proud?"

"Well, I noticed back home you weren't the most popular," said Rose, almost sounding like a mother looking after her child, "But you were able to pick yourself back up these last couple of years."

"You don't have to remind me what I was like, you know," I said, my voice a little quiet.

"I… I know," said Rose, "Sorry. But really, you've changed since coming to Japan."

I smirked a little. "Thanks," I simply said.

Rose nodded and winked. "See you around, alright?" she had said before leaving to catch up to the other two girls, leaving me standing on the rooftop alone with a full bento box in hand, alone with my thoughts in my own world. I have changed, haven't I?

After school

"Gonna take a nap again?" asked Monika as she watched me prop my feet up on my desk. Already, it was just the two of us in the classroom while we were waiting for the rest of the club to go. The rest of the class had already left, leaving me alone with Monika.

"Nah, I'm just making myself comfortable," I said, shrugging as I felt myself sag down into my seat, my head resting on the edge of the backrest at an uncomfortable angle, putting pressure to the base of my skull. Then again, I sleep in the most uncomfortable positions possible, so this is fine with me. Is that why I feel a crick in my neck everytime I wake up?

"You know, it's against school rules to put your feet up on the desk, right?" asked Monika, rolling her eyes, "It's considered rude here."

"Isn't it just the two of us?" I asked, "No one's gonna find out. Unless of course, you turn out to be a snitch."

"And what if I do tell the school you're doing this?" asked Monika with a sly smile.

"Well, I've already gotten into trouble a few times already," I said, shaking my head slowly, "What are they gonna do? Kick me out of the program?"

Monika leaned in a little. "You know," she said, "You've been getting a little rebellious."

"Anything wrong with that?" I asked, an eyebrow raised.

Monika shook her head. "No, no, nothing wrong with that. In fact," she said, licking and biting her lips, winking a sly wink, "I kinda like bad boys."

Both eyebrows were raised now as I took my feet off of the desk. "Okay," I groaned, "Enough of that. You already killed the mood."

Monika laughed loudly as she threw her head back, chuckling like crazy. Honestly, it doesn't stop with her, does it?

Sooner or later, the rest of the club showed up. They all did their usual things, with Sayori and Monika working on some literature thing. Meanwhile, Natsuki was in the back, trying to find her manga. And Yuri was in an isolated place in the room, reading yet another book.

Now, I had the choice of bothering one of the girls. Maybe mess with Sayori or Monika? Or maybe try and talk with Yuri or Natsuki? I mean, maybe that's a good idea. I'm kinda bored and I don't wanna work on the only thing that I have on me literature related, which is just a Japanese language assignment.

Looking behind me, I could see Natsuki struggling to reach a box on the top shelf. She tried looking for the step stool that was usually nearby but to no avail. Whatever, I'll try helping her.

I stood up and made my way to the back of the classroom where the closet was. Natsuki kept trying to reach for the box at the top of the shelf, huffing and puffing and moaning and groaning while trying to reach it.

"Goddamnit!" muttered Natsuki, who sighed and looked down, shaking her head as she looked at her small stature. Really, she seems really disappointed in herself. As if she was cursed with such a petite body. Might as well help the poor soul.

"I got'cha," I groaned as I reached for the box that she was trying to get for the past five minutes. "Now don't hurt yourself trying to get this thing, you hear?"

"Ugh, you didn't need to help," said Natsuki as she took the box from my hands. Really? I said to myself, Then again, this is Natsuki we're talking about.

"I'll take that as a compliment," I cracked a joke, trying to break the ice. But Natsuki just shrugged and sighed like the little unenthusiastic tsundere she is. Is she alright though? I get that she's abrasive at times, but she's a little more abrasive now.

"Everything alright with you, Natsuki?" I asked, trying to see why she's acting like this.

"Now why the hell does everyone thinks that there's something wrong with me?" she exclaimed, "First it was my teacher who wouldn't get off my ass, then it was my classmates, and then even Yuri! Now you?"

I didn't say anything to her little outburst. Hoping that no one else had heard Natsuki, I shot the pink haired devil a look, one that says "Are you sure you want to be freaking out right now?"

Natsuki let out an exasperated sigh before saying "Fine, I'll tell you." She readjusted her stance so that she could hold her box of mangas more comfortably, "I didn't get much sleep last night. That's all. Now can I please go now? You're blocking the doorway."

She was right, I was blocking the doorway. But I didn't want to leave until I get a straight answer. Really, I feel like something's wrong. I gave her another look as if to say "Tell me the truth."

"Ugh, okay, I get it," said Natsuki, knowing that she's not gonna get out of the closet until she tells me because I don't wanna let her go and sour the rest of the club's mood. "The truth is that I slept over at Yuri's house."

"Well, that must've been a fun sleepover," I joked, "What did you guys do? Play spin the bottle?"

"No, and fuck you," cursed Natsuki. "I just…" She looked away before looking back at me, a look of apprehension in her eyes. "I just had a fight with my dad, so I ended up sleeping over on short notice. I slept on her couch even though Yuri offered to share her bed."

"Why didn't you take the bed when you had the chance?" I asked.

"Because I don't roll like that, okay?" exclaimed Natsuki, making sure to keep it quiet so no one else heard our conversation. "So anyways, on top of having a shitty day like usual, I didn't have enough sleep for it."

"How about you just take a nap instead of reading," I suggested.

"Maybe I will," huffed Natsuki, "If you would get out of the way first."

I let Natsuki slide past and returned to my seat. A few minutes later, Monika announced (like always) for us to share our poems, starting her announcement with her signature "Okay everyone!"

I grabbed a piece of paper from my bag and started sharing.

I talked with Monika, Sayori, and Natsuki about my poem, but they didn't really like it. Instead, they just found it sort of odd, not like the type of poems I would write. And I would agree. I tried writing it for someone else.

The last person on the list that I haven't shared with was Yuri. I approached her after she shared her poem with Monika.

"Hey Yuri," I said, holding up the piece of paper in my hands, "How's it going?"

"A-ah, S-Sawyer," stammered Yuri, "I haven't seen your poem yet. May I see it?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, handing my paper to her. On it was the poem I had written last night called We'll Meet Again:

"One day, we were ripped apart from one another.
One day, the skies turned dark and gray.
Everyone cried out for their father and mother,
Unsure if we'll meet again one sunny day.

One day, the sun disappeared from the sky,
One day, all we love was ripped from our hands.
Everyone cried out in pain, in agony as many perish
A slow and painful death from disease.

The people, their hearts were saddened
As the ground opened up from underneath.
Hell's fire erupted from the Earth and reddened
The skies above, The Devil's sword unsheathed.

The people cried out, afraid to see the light.
Flames grew taller and taller as towns erupted.
People cried out against the cruelty of the night,
Against the cruelty of God's wrath, leaving many dead.

We will rise from the ashes of His wrath,
His forsaken children, we will rise again.
Soon, we will return back to our path,
Soon enough we'll meet again."

Yuri read my poem, her face seemingly, well, unsatisfied. Though that's normal. That's usually how she reacts to my poems. Not because she hates them. Oh no, that's the wrong idea. To her though, it just doesn't sit well with her. We have vastly different writing styles, but even though, I still tried writing in her style. I guess I didn't do the best.

"Well?" I asked, "How'd I do?"

"U-um," stammered Yuri, probably trying to find a way to put it nicely, "I-I think you tried to write like me, but… How do I say this?"

"Just say it's bad," I said, shrugging, "It's no biggie. I could always try again."

"N-no, I don't wanna say that," said Yuri, "It's just that… You still have your own writing style mixing with my writing style. And not in a good way. N-no offense."

"None taken, no worries," I said, shaking my head. Honestly, I could take some criticism. As long as it's constructive.

"I just don't think you did good, if I am going to be honest," said Yuri, trying to describe my poem, "It fits more with Sayori's style of writing. N-no offense, I did like the poem though."

"Like I said, don't worry about it," I said, "I'm still trying to find my style, you know?"

"Y-yeah, th-that's understandable," stammered Yuri before clearing her throat as if she was about to give a lecture. "It is just that there are specific writing habits that are usually typical of new writers. Though, I do know you have been writing poems this past year, you are still somewhat new to writing poems, especially since you are writing in Japanese, which is not your native language. But still, being through that myself, I kind of learned to pick up on them.

"New writers tend to make their style more deliberate," she continued without stopping and without any stutters. She's like a whole new person when she does this, going into lectures about literature. "In other words, they tend to pick a writing style separate from the topic matter, and they form-fit the two together. The end result is that both the style and the expressiveness are weakened."

One thing I have noticed is that whenever Yuri finds her train of thought, it's as if her demeanor totally changes. Her stammering is gone and she sounds like an expert. I guess once she's in her zone, she knows what she's doing.

"Of course, that's something you can't be blamed for," she went on, "There are so many different skills and techniques that go into writing even a simple poem. Not just finding them and building them, but getting them to work together is probably the most challenging part.

It takes writers some time to get their own voice, to put it simply. Sometimes it takes inspiration. For me, literature is my inspiration, though it may not be your source, given what you read." That's true. I just read light novels and mangas, not critically acclaimed books meant for adults.

"Yeah, well, I'm not the best writer," I stated, "You're more, how do I say this… more literate than me. I could never write like you in a million years."

"Oh, don't be like that, Sawyer," said Yuri, "I am not the best myself. Here's my poem if you want an example." She held out a piece of paper, one that had nice and neat handwriting on it compared to mine. And by nice and neat, I mean legible. Seriously, my handwriting's ass.

On the top of the piece of paper written in elegant cursive was the title of the poem, dubbed "Ghost under the light". Not sure what that means, but it sure does sound interesting.

"The tendrils of my hair illuminate beneath the amber glow.
Bathing.
It must be this one.
The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time.
The last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green of the future.
I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past.
The light flickers.
I flicker back."

"I-I'm sorry, I have such terrible handwriting," stammered Yuri, back to her usual stutter.

"What makes you say that?" I asked as I looked up from the paper. Sure her handwriting is hard to read at first, but it's really nice and neat once you get the hang of it.

Yuri has been self-conscious about her handwriting. In fact, almost everything about her she is self-conscious about. Even to the rest of the club at times, even though they've been friends for a while, longer than me. She always apologizes for her handwriting every time she hands me her handiwork.

"Y-you took so long to read…" said Yuri, her voice trailing off. She had a look of worry on her face.

"N-no, don't worry," I said, trying to ease her, "I know how you write. It's fine. It's just that… well, I'm just trying to understand it." As always, her poem is rather cryptic. Not that it's hard to read, it's just a little complex to understand.

"What was your inspiration on this?" I asked as I handed the poem back to her. Yuri took the page and paused for a second, as if she didn't want to actually answer that question. And judging from her reaction, I already knew the answer.

"Because," I continued, "It reminds me of my sister, in a way."

"Oh really?" asked Yuri, slightly relieved, as if she wasn't alone. "Is that bad?"

"Oh no, not at all," I said, shaking my head, "I'm glad that I could find someone to relate with."

"Yes, indeed," said Yuri, nodding her head, "It is nice that I could relate with her. Maybe I'll meet her one day."

"Maybe you will," I said with a smirk, "Maybe you will."


Honorifics: (Underlined honorifics are the ones used in current chapter)

-san: Most common, it is an all-purpose suffix that can be used in any situation where politeness is expected. Basically the titles Mr. Ms. etc.

-sama: This suffix is one level higher than "-san" and is used to confer great respect.

-kun: This suffix is commonly used at the end of boys' names to express endearment.

-chan: Feminine version of -kun.

Senpai: Superior/Upperclassmen.

Sensei: Master.


A/N: Sorry this one is late as well. I had a crap ton of school work to get done and I didn't have enough time to write. For that I am sorry.

Also, I feel like I have already used Yuri's Ghost poem already, but I don't remember. If I'm wrong, just tell me.