The Raccoon

Next week

Freezing my ass off in the cold November morning, I stood outside of the door, watching the orange and yellow leaves spiral from the branches of the trees. It was cold enough already that my warm Hawaiian breath condensates in the brisk breeze, forming a white smoke that floats up like the spirit of an alcoholic drink, only to be blown away by the wind from the mountains of Japan.

I stood there, wearing four layers to keep me warm. A black shirt under a crisp white blouse, which was under my light brown school blazer, which was also covered with the combat jacket that I had been wearing this past couple of weeks. But still, the bitter cold stung my bare hands, turning my pasty pale fingers even whiter as blood vessels retracted to keep myself warm enough to live.

I waited outside of my house, not wanting to take another step into the cold autumn breeze. I feel like my hands are gonna fall off from hypothermia. But still, I stand here, waiting for the girl next door to get ready.

Checking my phone to see if anyone texted me (aside from an insult my sister threw at me when I was texting her at 2 in the morning), I took one deep breath after another, feeling the crisp air fill my lungs, only to be exhaled out in smoke.

I heard the door loudly creak next to me. I looked over and I saw Sayori, hopping down the steps. She still wasn't wearing anything aside from her school uniform. Hell, her bare legs were still exposed as usual. And to think I was a dude who thought I could withstand anything, here's her acting as if she wasn't cold as hell, hopping down the steps that led into her house like a child.

"Hey Sawyer!" she called out to me loudly as she noticed me standing by my door. She bounded over to where I was standing, her bag bouncing around as she ran. Honestly, she's like a puppy. So hyper and ready to meet people. Not that that's a bad thing, really. It's nice that she's like that. Because of her, I was able to make friends here.

"Sh-shall we go?" I stuttered, still not used to the cold. According to the news, it's one of the coldest Novembers in the past few years. It's probably around 35 degrees Fahrenheit. Fucking freezing to me. I'm used to Hawaiian weather, staying at around 78 degrees at least. Boy am I so looking forward for the winter.

As we walked, I kept my hands in my pockets to keep them from freezing. I only took them out every now and then to rub my hands, hoping that the friction would warm them up a little.

After a half a mile of walking, Sayori stopped, putting her hand on my shoulder, forcing me to stop as well. "Sawyer," she spoke as she gestured to my hands as I rubbed them together. "Are you cold? You seem cold."

"C-cold?" I stuttered through chattering teeth, "I-I'm not c-cold. What-t makes you th-think that?" Well, that was as horrible as Yuri's stammering. Sorry Yuri.

"Well, if you're lying, you're terrible at it," said Sayori with a smile and a laugh, "You're shivering as if you were stuck at the North Pole!"

"S-so what?" I shivered, "I-I gotta ge-get used to the c-cold anyways, r-right?"

"Good luck with that," she said, winking, "It's only gonna get colder from here on out." Oh great, more of this.

Sayori stepped closer to me, a cheeky smile on her face. She planted her feet right next to me, leaning in close enough for her shoulders to be touching my arms.

"Wh-what are you d-doing?" I stammered, half stuttering from the cold, half from nervousness as her hand started drifting towards mine.

Sayori grabbed my hand all of the sudden and I instantly felt warm. Both my face and my hand felt warm. Her soft slender fingers intertwined with my rough calloused fingers, clutching my hand tightly as if she didn't want to let go. I felt something soft on the palm of her hands, something that felt sort of fuzzy, like a tiny hamster.

"Wh-what is th-this in your h-hands?" I stammered even more, probably not from the cold, more from the embarrassment of me standing here in the middle of the road holding hands with another girl. Sayori (thankfully) let go and showed me what was in her hands. It looked like a small palm-sized plush toy of a grizzly bear, its cartoonish eyes staring back at me.

"It's a hand warmer," said Sayori, "I heated it up before I left the house. I figured you'd need it." She tossed the toy bear to me and I caught it in my hands, feeling its tingling warmth pulse through my fingers. It's a rather neat item, especially in the cold. I gotta get me one of these things.

"Plus," she added, "My hands have been getting pretty cold, so I use this to keep them warm. I only have the one though. I figured we could share it but I dunno."

"O-oh," I stammered, holding out the bear to Sayori, "Well here you go. I don't need"

Sayori smirked, as if she was thinking of some crazy scheme. And indeed she did have some crazy scheme thought of. "I have an idea," she said slyly as she stepped closer. She took the hand warmer from my hands and placed it into hers. She then stepped right next to me. Her hand slowly touching mine and soon enough she forced her hand into mine, our fingers once again intertwined. "Let's share it like this!"

"Isn't this, uh, what couples do?" I asked, red like a tomato. It's not like I wouldn't know. It's not like I've had a girlfriend before. Right?

Sayori only looked up at me with her sky blue innocent eyes, only to give a more innocent smile worth protecting for a thousand years. She laughed a playful and innocent laugh, one that washed away any sense of seasonal depression that one would have this time of year. "I don't know, is it?" she asked back, obviously not trying to get an answer to that question. That girl.

"Besides," she continued, "I've done this with MC many times before. Going to school while holding hands. It was the sweetest thing he would let me do to him."

"Oh?" I asked, "In this case, why aren't you guys dating or something?"

"Ehe, well…" said Sayori, chuckling nervously, "We stopped walking to school together when we became first years. Because of that, we didn't have a chance to, you know, do this."

"But didn't you guys try to, I dunno, reconnect when he joined the club last year?" I asked.

Sayori shook her head. "We did reconnect, yes, but, uh, I… kinda got nervous around him," she said as she looked down, tilting her head towards me so that her head slightly touches my shoulder.

"So you liked him like that?" I asked.

"No- Yeah," said Sayori, catching herself lying, "I just tried to see if he liked me. You know, so it wouldn't be awkward between two long time friends."

"Ach, that's just an excuse," I said, snorting, "Why not just ask him yourself? You know, stand up for once?"

"Oh yeah?" said Sayori, "How about you think of this? Say you like Monika. Not saying that you do, but let's just say that. Would you try asking her out? Or would you try and see if she likes you back first?"

If I liked Monika? I thought. I never thought of it like that. So let's say that I do. I don't but sure. Would I try to ask her out? I mean, we're probably pretty close already, right? And if we're already this close, Sayori and MC oughta be even closer. But would I try asking her out? I mean, she's just too perfect for my standards. Out of my league. I doubt that she'd like me back that way.

...You know what, Sayori's right.

"Alright, you're right," I said after pondering on that question for a bit. "I'd do the same thing."

"Ha, I told you," said Sayori playfully, smiling. "In this case, how about you just be MC for now and hold my hand? At least until we get within one block of the school?"

"Alright, fine. Whatever you say, little lady"

After class, the club room

With one hand holding my book and the other propping up my chin, I blankly looked at the pages in front of me. Different words shot out at me like the beam of a flashlight. But none of it made sense at all. Nothing made sense to me, even though it was a novel meant for adults. Probably because I wasn't giving a damn about what I was doing.

Thoughts swirled inside my head like a blender. It's kind of hard to explain. You know that feeling where you can't even concentrate because of dumbass shit going on in your head that you can't stop? Yeah, that was me right there.

To be honest, I was thinking about something last night. Long story short, I ended up getting into a little argument with my sister. She got into another fight. You know how she is. Not a lot of people see her in a positive light. No idea why, we just get the short end of the stick.

Well this time, I ended up putting the blame on her. I'm not gonna go into detail, but it sounded like she had started it. Then again, I wasn't there. Because of that, she ended up getting pissed at me. Like super pissed. Honestly, I'm kinda used to that. She gets rather emotional easily and I'm always at the business end of her stick.

I'm not gonna get into it. Honestly, it shouldn't be so serious. But still, I was worried. She may be my kid sister, but she's still family. If only we were born into a better family, it wouldn't be so bad. But, there's nothing I could do.

You know, I've been sitting here pondering on what had happened. But for some reason, I felt a chill down my spine. As if someone was watching me.

I glanced around the room, looking for a pair of eyes staring at me. And lo and behold I did find the pair of eyes staring icicles into my veins, a pair of eyes belonging to Yuri, peering over her book from her desk somewhere behind where I was sitting. Well, before she ducked back down under her book, pretending as if I didn't catch her staring at me.

I chuckled to myself. Seriously, why wouldn't she just come up and talk to me? It's not that I have a problem with that, it's just that she's still pretty shy, even if I've known her for almost a year now. I guess some things never change.

I stood up, closing my book and went over to her, sitting down at the seat right next to her.

"I-I didn't mean to bother you, Sawyer," stammered Yuri, looking a little guilty as she tried to meet my gaze.

"Relax, you're cool," I said, "I wasn't doing anything important anyways."

"A-are you sure?" said Yuri, "You looked like you wanted to be alone."

"Nah, it's fine," I shook my head, "I think it's better if I don't think about it." Yuri loosened up and seemed as if she took in a sigh of relief. I guess a lonely girl like her doesn't really want to be a bother. Even if she wasn't being a bother, I could tell that she was probably thinking that. "Just how did you know I wanted to be alone?" I asked.

"W-well," said Yuri, scratching her neck, "You stared at the same page for five straight minutes. If you weren't thinking something, I would have figured that you were just staring off into space. I tend to look out for signs like that. Your posture and position says it all. N-not that I was staring or anything!"

"Ah, it's okay," I said, waving the notion of her staring at me away from my mind. "Sorry if I made you worry."

"No, I am sorry," apologized Yuri, "If you want to tell me anything, that is fine. I-if it makes you comfortable, that is."

I don't think I should tell her about it, I thought to myself, I'll only worry her more.

"Ah, it's no big deal," I said, "Just something that happened last night when I was talking with my sister. She's just a little… hard to deal with sometimes."

"B-but you still seem to worry about her a lot, right?" said Yuri, closing her book while keeping her finger on the page she was on, "Just like with Sayori. You sort of treat her as if she was your little sister."

"Eh," I said, twisting my face in skepticism, as if that wasn't exactly true nor false. To be honest, I don't do the same things with my sister. I mean, look at the way we talk to each other. You think we'd be on the best of terms? "Not exactly?" was all I managed to say.

"Still," said Yuri, a slight smile on her face as if she was glad about something, "The way you take care of Sayori? It is quite romantic." What?

Yuri looked up and then back at her hands, shaking her head as if she was trying to deny what she had just said. "S-sorry!" she exclaimed, "I-I did not mean to say anything stupid!"

"Nah, it's fine," I said, assuring Yuri that she wasn't wrong. "I just feel like I gotta take care of her. If she doesn't, well, she could burn her house down. We're just friends. Unless if I'm being oblivious or I'm overthinking it."

Yuri seemed to ponder on that. She seemed to think about Sayori and the reasoning why she lets me take care of her as if she was a child. "You know," she spoke, "Her mannerisms on the outside don't always match what's going on on the inside. And she may not always know what she wants. Maybe she's clinging onto you because you remind her of someone." Who? MC?

"Yeah, well, I dunno," I said, dismissing the conversation, "I guess I'm just taking care of her because she's the one who got me here in the first place. To the club I mean.

"And speaking of the club," I said, trying to switch the topic, "Shall we get to reading?"

"Yes, let's."

We ended up reading our respective books together. Her a horror book (of course) and me a light novel (of course). Honestly, we didn't even talk. Just sat there next to each other, a paperback in our hands as we read silently. But you know, sometimes you don't even need to talk to hang out. I guess Yuri didn't really need the talking to know that we're spending time.

I guess you don't really need to try and pry a girl like Yuri out of her shell. Sometimes you just gotta be there for her.

You see, that's the beauty of human interaction. Sure striking up conversations is important with building connections, but so is just being there. In their presence. Letting them know that you know they exist and that you're willing to hang out with them. And it doesn't have to mean verbally.

Then again, I wouldn't know. Back home, no one ever really got this close to me. I guess what I mean to say is that I've learned all of this from the time I stepped foot off of that plane at the Japanese terminal to the time I am telling you all of this.

I kinda do wish I was there for my sister. Here I am running away halfway around the globe. A sea away from her. I kinda felt like I abandoned her.

Whatever. I'm here now. I gotta focus on what's happening right now.

A few minutes passed before Monika announced for us to (as always) share poems. Grabbing the folded piece of paper I had tucked in the pages of my book as a bookmarker, I handed my words to the members of the club.

The last person for me to share my poem with is Yuri. I hand my poem to her. She unfolds the folded sheet of paper and immediately starts reading without a word. She stayed focused on the sheet of paper, examining every single word, every single line. Every single sentence, every single period. Really, I kinda like her for that. She pays attention to every single detail, using her knowledge to pick out everything. She wouldn't miss a tiny piece of information that any normal person would typically miss.

I guess it's 'cause she's, well, I wouldn't say quiet, but rather, she's very observant. Instead of approaching things, she takes things slowly and silently, examining every choice. Not in her poem writing and literature reading, but rather in her life in general. She notices every small detail of individual things and people. Hell, she could probably have a whole profile on every single person in this room. Then again, we've been together for a while now.

Yuri's brow furrowed as she reached the end of the poem. She had a hand to her chin, looking like that Thinker statue that you'd see every now and then. She seemed to ponder on my writing style. And by the way her face was contorting, I could tell she didn't really like it as much.

"Lemme guess," I said, nodding my head, "It isn't your style."

Yuri shook her head. "No," she said without taking her eyes off of the paper, "It seems better suited for Sayori." Yeah, I figured. I dunno, I tend to write poems that are more like Sayori's writing.

"Ah, well," I said, scratching the back of my head, "Is it bad though?"

"Oh, no, not at all," said Yuri, shaking her head even more, "I mean, Sayori's way of writing seems easier for you. In fact, I don't think my poem is good at all."

She hands me her poem. As always, her handwriting was as neat as ever. Written in excellent cursive. If she wanted, she could write all of my wedding invitation cards with a calligraphy pen. Well, that is if I ever get married.

The poem was titled The Raccoon. This is what it had said:

"It happened in the dead of night while I was slicing bread for a guilty snack.
My attention was caught by the scuttering of a raccoon outside my window.
That was, I believe, the first time I noticed my strange tendencies as an unusual human.
I gave the raccoon a piece of bread, my subconscious well aware of the consequences.
Well aware that a raccoon that is fed will always come back for more.
The enticing beauty of my cutting knife was the symptom.
The bread, my hungry curiosity.
The raccoon, an urge.

The moon increments its phase and reflects that much more light off of my cutting knife.
The very same light that glistens in the eyes of my raccoon friend.
I slice the bread, fresh and soft. The raccoon becomes excited.
or perhaps I'm merely projecting my emotions onto the newly-satisfied animal.

The raccoon has taken to following me.
You could say that we've gotten quite used to each other.
The raccoon becomes hungry more and more frequently, so my bread is always handy.
Every time I brandish my cutting knife the raccoon shows me its excitement.
A rush of blood. Classic Pavlovian conditioning. I slice the bread.
And I feed myself again."

"Wow," I said as I looked up to meet Yuri's nervous gaze, "This is very good. I don't know why you were doubting yourself. This is much better than mine."

"Y-you sure?" said Yuri, "I-I don't think it's that good."

"What, are you kidding?" I said, handing her the poem back, "It's great! Let me guess. The raccoon is supposed to be an analogy for something, right?"

"R-right!" said Yuri, "I'm surprised you actually picked that up rather quickly. Do you know what it's supposed to be a symbol of?"

"Yeah, it's supposed to represent some sort of addiction that you cannot stop feeding, right?" I said, sort of rambling on, "And that bread is the thing that you are addicted to. Am I correct?"

"Y-yeah," stammered Yuri, "B-but my poem really isn't that good. It can't be that good."

"Yuri," I said, leaning in a little, "Don't sell yourself short. It's not bad, really. I'm being honest."

Yuri looked away, embarrassed. She fiddled with her long hair, nervously fidgeting. "I-if you say so," she stuttered.

Later

Soon enough, the club ended. Sayori told me that she was going to the mall with Monika, so I would've been going home alone. But I wanted to stay with someone. Natsuki ended up suggesting that I walk her and Yuri home. I agreed and now here I am, my bag in hand, walking next to Yuri and Natsuki.

The two of them were chattering along, but I did not join in the conversation. Instead I was just thinking about something else. It was nothing serious, I assure you, I just happened to kind of zone out, following the two.

"Hey," said Natsuki when we stopped at a crosswalk, snapping me out of my little thinking daze "You okay?"

"Huh?" I said, snapping back to reality, "Oh, uh, yeah. I'm alright."

"You sure?" asked Natsuki, looking up at me with a worried face, "You look a little… off. Are you sure you're alright?"

Rubbing my eyes, I opened my mouth to say something. "Y-yeah," I stammered, "I'm alright. I'm just thinking about something."

"Well in this case," said Natsuki, "How about you come with me? I'm gonna feed Shadow after I pick up some food from McDonalds or something on the way." Shadow? Who was that again? Oh right, it's the stray cat that she takes care of, the one that hangs out under that bridge.

I agreed to it. And so we went on our way, with Natsuki grabbing a bottle of milk from some cafe nearby her place before she took me to the bridge. Yuri ended up going back to her apartment that was nearby, saying that she had homework to work on, so it was just me and Natsuki.

I followed Natsuki to the place where the cat usually likes to hang out. She took me to the spot under the bridge, which gave us shade. Natsuki crouched and called into the darkness. "Shadow," she said, "You there?"

After a few seconds, I saw movement from the other side of the bridge. The black cat peeked its head to see us standing there. It noticed Natsuki with a bottle of milk and started running towards us. It leaped into Natsuki's arms like a dog, with Natsuki cradling the small kitten in her arms like a baby. She walked back into the sunlight and we saw the cat in all of its blackness.

Its fur was a little messy and matted, but still looked a little healthy nonetheless. Natsuki must've been taking care of this cat well. She handed me the bottle. Without her asking, I opened the bottle just a crack, enough for some milk to drip out if I held it upside down.

I handed the bottle to Natsuki and she began nursing it. The cat purred slightly as it licked the bottle cap. I tried touching its head and gently caressed its forehead right above its eyes. Little Shadow seemed to like it.

Natsuki and I stood there, with me watching her take care of the cat. Once the cat had finished half of the milk, Natsuki gently let go of the cat, which started to rub up against my leg, its tail hugging my calf as it passed.

"So, how long have you been taking care of the cat?" I asked Natsuki.

"Maybe for almost a year, I guess," she said as she bent over to run a finger from the bridge of the cat's nose to behind its ears. "I know I had met it at least a month before I met you. How come?"

"Well, it seemed very close to you," I said as I watched the cat then rub its head against Natsuki's bare legs. "Like, it's very accustomed to you, I mean. Kind of like a friend."

"In this case, yeah," said Natsuki, "It's pretty close to me. It hasn't even tried to scratch me or bite me or anything."

"You started taking care of it because it was cute, didn't you?" I said with a smirk, to which Natsuki gritted her teeth.

"No!" cried Natsuki, "It's not because it's cute! It just seemed hungry so I started feeding it."

I shot her a look, one that told her that I wasn't buying it. Like a look of skepticism.

"Ugh, whatever," she said rolling her eyes. I merely just chuckled to myself. Natsuki crouched down once more and spoke in a quiet manner to Shadow as she held out her hand, with Shadow resting its head on her fingers. "See you later, Shadow," Natsuki said quietly.

I followed Natsuki up the hill to the sidewalk by the road, with me looking back once more to see the canal running under the bridge shimmering in the sunlight. Going up the stairs, I caught up to Natsuki, who suddenly stopped when she got to the top.

"Natsuki?" I said as I looked ahead to see what Natsuki was looking at. Following her gaze, I saw what she was staring at. There was a man standing right a few feet from Natsuki, standing at the street corner holding a can of beer. "Who's he?" I asked.

"Natsuki?" the man said, his voice a tad bit slurred from the drinking. His hair was as messy as Shadow's. He had a beard that seemed to need a bit of shaving. He wore a white blouse and a blue tie, one that was undone from a day of tugging at it to loosen up. The man seemed like he had a bad day at work.

"Dad, I can explain," said Natsuki in an almost quiet, shaky voice. She took a step forward, albeit almost hesitant to follow through.

"Natsuki?" the man repeated, "I thought you were supposed to be at home. Doing your homework. What the hell are you doing outside? And who's this?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but Natsuki beat me to it, cutting me off. "H-he's just a classmate from school!" she stammered, "W-we just happen to run into each other."

He looked at me. A shiver was sent down my spine. I gulped and put my hand out for him to shake it. "Hi," I said as calmly as possible, "I'm Lee-san. I'm the foreign exchange student attending the same school your daughter goes to."

The man, Natsuki's father I assume, only stared down at the outstretched hand and back to my gaze. I read the mood and retracted my hand, letting it hang stiffly by my side.

"Natsuki, I don't care why you are outside," he said, "I want you back to your room in ten minutes, you got it?"

Natsuki looked down at her feet in shame. "Yes, father," she said, her voice even quieter than before. The man nodded and looked back at me once more. But he didn't say a word. He just turned around and headed towards Natsuki's place.

Natsuki just stood there, her back to me, looking down as she kicked a small pebble by her feet. "Fuck!" I heard her curse under her breath. What the hell was that all about?

I open my mouth to speak, stepping closer to the girl. "Natsuki-"

"No," she cut me off, her voice shaky, "Just leave me alone. Just go away."

"What?" I asked, "Natsuki, what the hell has gotten into you?"

"I said just go away, damnit!" she cried, turning around. Her face was red. Maybe from shame, maybe from anger. Maybe from both. "Just fucking get away from me!"

I froze. Natsuki has gotten angry at me before, but not this angry. What the hell happened? What the fuck did I do? What the hell's going on?

"Sawyer, just do me a favor and leave, will ya?" said Natsuki, "You're only making things worse right now." What the fuck did I do?

At this point, I could tell that Natsuki just didn't want me to be around right now. And that's okay.

"Alright," I said, giving up at trying to help her at this point, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"


Honorifics: (Underlined honorifics are the ones used in current chapter)

-san: Most common, it is an all-purpose suffix that can be used in any situation where politeness is expected. Basically the titles Mr. Ms. etc.

-sama: This suffix is one level higher than "-san" and is used to confer great respect.

-kun: This suffix is commonly used at the end of boys' names to express endearment.

-chan: Feminine version of -kun.

Senpai: Superior/Upperclassmen.

Sensei: Master.


A/N: Sorry that this one is late as well. I had a lot on my plate. That said, I guess I gotta talk about why all of the delays.

First of all, I am lazy. Both in writing and in other things. Meaning that I always tend to procrastinate. Well, I guess I started procrastinating on these chapters. And I'm sorry for that. On top of that, I guess I'm also in another bout of writer's block. In order to curb that, I decided to start working on another project that I had lined up.

But that doesn't mean that I'll stop writing this story. Hell no. I'm determined to finish this. On top of that, I could technically use this for school work since the program I'm in requires me to have what you call CAS hours and I can cheese the system by writing this. Just expect further delays.

That said, I am sorry but I'm trying my best. See y'all.