Not Working Out
Saturday, November 22nd
I focused on my breathing. Inhale one second, exhale the next. I counted my breaths as my legs pumped, burning from all of the running I was doing that morning. Every time I landed onto the ground, my legs leapt forward like a spring.
I looked at the console in front of me, one that told me how many miles and how long I've been running. Wiping the sweat from my eyes, I read the numbers in my head. Two miles in 23 minutes. I've gotten slower.
"Oh crap," I sighed between breaths, upping the speed of the treadmill and feeling the track move faster. The muscles in my legs burned more and more, the sound of my feet hitting the servos in the machine as I ran faster.
After another minute of cursing under my breath as I ran on the treadmill in the gym, I kept going. There was no one else in the gym, it was still early in the morning. Hell, I woke up at 6 just to get to this gym all the way into the city nearby Yuri and Natsuki's place. I haven't been to a gym in forever and I just wanted to go for a run. Just without the cold November air. Somehow cold air makes my chest hurt.
In the corner of the room, a TV played a segment from one of those talk shows, one that was about high school relationships. That was the only source of sound in the gym. That and me huffing and puffing like an out of shape kid.
Somehow, though, I did not notice another person who had gotten on the treadmill next to me. Not that I would've cared, I was so focused on myself. It wasn't until the person had spoken had I snapped out of my focus.
"Still trying to get faster, I see," said a familiar voice next to me, taking me by surprise. Out of instinct, I yanked the magnetic safety switch in the middle of the console, stopping the treadmill. Putting my hands on the console to stop me from keeling over, I raised my head to meet the sound of the voice: none other than the fair girl herself, Monika, already walking at a swift pace on the treadmill.
"Holy crap, you scared the shit out of me," I huffed, trying to catch my breath, "God, a little warning next time, would you?"
"Haha, I scared you that easily?" asked Monika with a chuckle as she was beginning to sweat, "Maybe next time you could work on your situational awareness."
"Maybe next time, you just don't sneak up on me like that," I said, wagging a finger to the girl wearing a green sports bra and a pair of black yoga pants. "It's not safe for me to fall on a treadmill, you know. I can get caught in the gears and then what happens?"
"Oh, you're overexaggerating," said Monika without breaking her pace, "Best case scenario is that I'd catch you in my arms. Worst case scenario, you'd fall and slide off of the treadmill while I laugh."
"Really?" I narrowed my eyes. "You'd laugh? No 'Oh my gosh, are you okay' or something like that?"
"Ah, don't be such a wimp," chuckled Monika, shrugging her shoulders. "I know you could take a fall. And if you can't, well, I'll be there to pick you up, right?"
I pondered on that statement for a second. She said she'd be there for me if I fall, catch me in her arms if I ever lose my balance, pick me up when I need it most. And no, I'm not talking about if I physically fall, but those kinds of falls that I'm sure you're thinking about. The type of fall where you need a shoulder to lean on, a person to cry with. The type of fall where I can't get back up on my own. I'm sure that Monika would be there if I needed it. And I'm willing to bet that the friends I've made so far since first coming here would do the same.
And I would do the same for them. Same for Yuri, same for Natsuki. Same for Monika. Same for Sayori.
But after we graduate later this school year, I will go back to the US. I'll be a whole ocean away. And chances are, I won't see them ever again. It's rare for friends from high school to see each other after graduation and I bet it's even rarer if those friends go to different countries in different continents.
I guess I should be there for them while I have the chance.
I sighed, trying to stop myself from becoming so melodramatic. Turning back to the console, I replaced the magnetic safety switch and turned up the speed to the treadmill to go at a comfortable walking speed.
"So what brings you all the way to this gym in particular?" asked Monika. "I'm sure there are gyms much closer to where you are."
"Well," I explained, "Yuri texted me yesterday to check out this gym. Apparently, there's a yoga class that she wants to attend, but, well, you know how she is."
"Ah, so she asked you to scout this place out for her," said Monika, spamming a button on her console in order for the treadmill to go faster.
"Pretty much," I said, "But lo and behold, there's almost no one here. Other than the receptionist at the front. Apparently classes are later in the day, when people are just coming out of work."
"So, let me guess," said Monika, "You're gonna go back to another gym closer to where you're staying at after this?"
"Oh, hell no," I said, shaking my head. "Have you seen the prices for those gyms? Three hundred Yen for access to a limited amount of equipment for five hours. I can get a monthly premium membership with that money back home. This public gym is cheaper for me."
"Oh yeah, no, those gyms are very expensive," said Monika, "Especially for people like you."
"Hey!" I exclaimed, "What'chu mean by that?"
"I mean, students, of course," Monika nervously chuckled as she corrected herself. "I meant people like students with no income at all, especially if they're foreign."
"Well," I said, holding up a finger to make my point, "That reminds me. What are you doing here?"
"What do you mean?" asked Monika as she slowed down her treadmill, "I'm here to exercise, same as you, right?"
"What I mean is that you have the money," I said, "With the money that you have, wouldn't you go to a private gym instead? You know, instead of going to a public one that could have less stuff and privacy?"
"Aha, I think you're forgetting one tiny detail," Monika explained as her treadmill slowed to a stop, leaning against the handrail on her treadmill to look at me, "I'm still 18. My parents wouldn't just give me money, or else I end up burning it all by the end of the week. And they want to discipline me, so I have an allowance instead."
"Is that why I saw you bussing tables at that diner?" I asked.
"A fair day's work is a fair day's pay," Monika winked as she stepped off the treadmill, "And a fair share of sets of exercises will pay off in the end as well. Don't stay on the treadmill too long. Work out the rest of your body too."
A few minutes later, after we wiped down the treadmills, we ended up going to the weight room. Well, not necessarily a weight room, but rather a room with a bunch of assorted equipment including a couple racks of weights differing in sizes and mass.
Because this place is a public gym, there wasn't a lot of equipment in comparison to an expensive private gym here in Japan, meaning that there weren't many weight machines and variations of said machines. Then again, machines aren't necessary. Weights are fine.
The thing is that the weight room also shares a small area designated for yoga and other free-floor exercises. So Monika ended up doing her yoga stuff in front of me as I used a nearby bench to lift weights.
There were still not many people in the gym. Because of that, I decided to be a little greedy and grab a small number of the weights that I wanted to lift. I estimated each weight based on size because it was in kilograms, whereas I am still used to the pounds system. Really, I've been here in Japan for almost half a year and I'm still confused with pounds and kilograms.
Sitting down on the bench with a pair of matching weights, I started lifting. I noted the burning sensation in my arms and tried to ignore it. I just focused on my breathing and keeping good form, making sure to isolate the one muscle group I was working out on each set.
Sooner or later, I was drenched in sweat, my arms shaking as I lifted the weights one last time. Up, I thought as I tried to focus on getting the most out of my workout, closing my eyes in the process, And then down.
A sharp whistle exited my mouth as I exhaled through my gritted teeth, my arms burning from that set. Goddamn, I really do need to get in shape.
Putting the weights lightly onto the ground near me, I rested my arms on my legs, trying to get that lactic acid in my muscles to leave so that I can do one more set. Opening my eyes, I grabbed the water bottle next to me, uncapped it, and gulped down a swig of lukewarm water before putting it back down.
I looked ahead. In front of me was a mirror that covered the entire wall, letting me see everything in the room. The dumbbells on the far end of the room, the barbell bench on the other side, and everything in between. Including me and Monika, who was still doing her yoga exercises quietly nearby.
She was on her hands and knees, which were cushioned by the yoga mat that she grabbed from the equipment rack nearby. She was facing the mirrored wall away from me, looking straight down as she tried to keep her spine as straight as possible, stretching it as far as it could go before curving in on itself. A second later, she lengthened her right leg and her left arm, stretching it while staying in perfect balance. I never did yoga before, so I don't know what pose she's doing.
And, like gravity, my eyes drifted towards the biggest thing that I could see. And for a second, it was heaven on Earth. Watching Monika, my eyes widened as I gazed upon her rather voluptuous-
"Perv."
...Crap.
I looked at the mirror and saw Monika's face, a disgusted scowl directed towards me as if I did something horrible. Granted, I did do something horrible. And I got caught red-handed. Good going, Sawyer! You fuckin' virgin!
I knew that I couldn't squirm my way out of this. I did get caught in broad daylight, after all. So, I understood that whatever punishment that was gonna come will come. I just hope it doesn't hurt as much.
Thankfully, all I got from Monika was just a frustrated roll of her eyes as she got back to her yoga, with her watching me in the mirror. Bashfully, I looked down at my arms with a blushed face as I got my weight back into position for another set. I looked up again, curious if Monika was still watching me. Indeed she was. However, the scowl was replaced with a slight smile.
She really is a weirdo like Sayori.
After that incident, Monika had told me that she was never going to speak of that incident. I was grateful for her. If word got out that I was someone who would stare at a girl's ass if she wasn't looking, I don't think I would look good in the eyes of my peers. Then again, I don't really know who she would tell, aside from the club members.
In any case, I breathed a sigh of relief as I finished cleaning up my area. Monika and I were just heading out together. She told me that she had work in a little bit, so we went our separate ways after leaving the gym.
I was still a little sweaty despite toweling off as best as I could, though the smell still lingered. I forgot soap, so I couldn't wash myself off over at the bathrooms at the gym, so I settled for the next best thing. Axe body spray. I didn't want to be the asshole who took an Axe shower, so I made sure not to use too much. Just enough to mask the smell.
Anyways, the only person that I was gonna see was Yuri, and she knows that I just got out of the gym, so at least she would understand why I smelled like BO and Axe Gold. She was on the way home from the gym and I had to tell her about the gym since that's what she wanted. And I had to see her for another issue as well.
So, walking along the canal, I saw her apartment building a little ways down. I went down to the canal because I wanted to check up on another thing first.
Walking under the bridge that connected the two sides of the canal together, I looked around, making smooching noises as I tried to call for the cat that Natsuki and Yuri took care of. "Tsk tsk tsk!" I called out, "Where are you, kitty?"
I still haven't spotted the cat after calling out for it. Usually, it would be around. However, I felt something down below. Looking down, I saw the little Shadow brushing her side affectionately against my leg. Honestly, if it was a snake, I would've been bitten for being so blind. But at least it was just the kitten.
"Hey, Shadow!" I said in my baby voice as I bent down to put my hand out, to which the kitten brushed her head against. I scratched under her chin and smiled as the cat walked around, as friendly as ever.
I reached into my bag that I had and pulled out a small plastic tupperware bowl. I uncapped it and pulled out the cold meat that was inside it, the leftover scraps of chicken from last night's dinner. I didn't have much, but at least I could feed Shadow something.
Watching Shadow munch on the scraps of chicken that I fed her, can't help but think that something so small could've survived out here on its own. It's a big world out there after all. There's bound to be a bunch of people who would've done something bad to it. But it didn't. Instead, it found Yuri and Natsuki, who helped it survive for this long.
I wished I had help like how Yuri and Natsuki takes care of Shadow. Good friends helping each other can go a long way. Really, I just wished that I had that same help back home. For a while, I didn't have much help from other people after my brother's death. My mother was out of the house most of the time on one of her many jobs, my sister being very withdrawn from everyone else, and my brother's friends back on that Navy base with more duties than before.
I couldn't go to the CJ and the triplets because I had only just met them and I'm afraid of pushing others away again. And I sure as hell am not going to a guidance counselor at school because I know that they can't keep their mouths shut.
So I was on my own.
I don't want anyone else to go through something like that. To be alone in this world, to be alone in their own reality. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
I sighed, smirking a little as I scratched the cat's head one more time before standing up. Shadow lazily made her way to her box that she used as shelter and I made my way to Yuri's apartment.
Knocking on Yuri's door, I took off my shoes. Just as I was putting the shoes to the side, Yuri's door opened and there stood the girl with the violet hair. She had a slight smile on her face, one that was rare to the common person who had met her. That slight smile had brightened the entire room and everyone in it.
"H-hello, Sawyer," stammered Yuri, "Please, come in."
Yuri held the door open. With a smirk and a nod, I walked through the doorway and into her apartment.
The apartment was dimly lit, with only the light from a lamp illuminating the living room. The rest of the light seeped in through the window as the sun shone down onto Japan. A number of books were neatly piled on the coffee table in front of the couch. The smell of tea being brewed swept through the apartment, filling my nose with the familiar aromatic scent of lavender. Fitting for a girl like Yuri.
I've been to Yuri's apartment so many times already that I'm used to the sights and sounds of her home. I visit her so many times to check in on her every other week or so. Seeing how she is doing on the weekends. I guess this was my only way of helping her. No one else knows that I pop into Yuri's apartment from time to time, and I intend to keep it that way. I don't want anyone to think that we're dating or anything. That would be weird.
Then again, what if we did date? What exactly would change? In fact, what if I dated any of the club members? Nothing would really change, would it? We'd still see each other at the club after school, and visit each other on the weekends. But I always do that. If I ended up going out with someone from the club, that would only alienate me and the person I'm dating from the rest of the club, essentially just cutting the club in half since we have such a small club. Even if I did like any of them, I don't wanna do that. That wouldn't be fair to the rest of the club.
And besides, I'm here for a reason. As Yuri finished pouring tea into two tea cups, she brought the still steaming tea to the coffee table while I sat on the sofa. I thanked her for the drink and she sat down on the other chair. The two of us talked for a little. I talked about how that gym that I went to was good, to the point where I might just start going there regularly.
Meanwhile, she told me about this new book that she had read. It was about a girl who ran away from her house, which was haunted by ghosts, meeting friends in the city, only to find out that they too were haunted by the same type of ghosts that she had ran from. It sounds pretty ironic, once you think about it. Running from your troubles only to find out that you can't actually escape them. It makes you think that running away was really a mistake. Well, it's working for me so far. Well, at least for the most part. Then again, I'm at Yuri's place for a reason, right?
I sighed. Everytime I come here to check up on her, it's always hard, mainly because I know it's hard on Yuri as well. It may look like I'm here just to talk with her, but I'm here for a reason. And Yuri knows it too.
Yuri looked down at her sleeved arms, knowing what I'm gonna ask. After holding my hand out, she sighed and gave me her arm, allowing me to roll up her sleeve to her elbow. To look at the cuts on her arm.
I spotted four new cuts from the last time I saw her arm, meaning that she had cut herself since the last time I checked up on her. I shook my head slightly as I looked up at Yuri. "I thought you wouldn't do it again," I said. "You know I'm doing this because I'm worried, right?"
Yuri looked away, not meeting my gaze. Her eyes seem to focus on anything other than me. And I knew that. My sister was the same way, so I'm used to it. I've always checked up on my sister the same way I'm checking up on Yuri right now.
"So what are you going to do?" asked Yuri in a quiet voice, barely audible if it weren't for both of us staying silent. "Take away my knives? Bring me to a therapist?"
"I can't take your knives away," I said, "I know they're your mother's and I can't take that away from you. I'll keep coming back here to check up on you. However, if you keep doing this, I'll have to-"
"You know it is embarrassing, right?" Yuri said in a shaky breath, "Going to some doctor as if there's something wrong with me? As if there's some sort of illness that I have that needs alleviating."
"This is dangerous, you know," I said, "What if something bad happens to you if something bad happened and no one's around? Then what?"
Yuri stayed silent. I could see her chest and shoulders rise and fall as she took deep breaths. I don't want her to stay like this for long, so I got to work. "Lemme at least treat these wounds," I said.
Reaching into my bag, I grabbed some things that I had brought with me; A pair of blue nitrile medical gloves, a dressing, a roller bandage, a roll of tape, and a packet with an alcohol wipe. Getting down on one knee in front of her and making sure I was lower than her, I put on the gloves and ripped open the packet, taking out the moist towelette and rubbing her arm.
Yuri winced as the alcohol burned the wounds. I looked up at her and saw as she sucked in air through gritted teeth. "S-sorry," I said, "This won't take long."
I grabbed a non stick gauze dressing and set it on her wounds, being sure to cover it as best as possible before grabbing the bandage and wrapping her arm with it. I know this is probably overkill on the medical care, but I just don't want her to be hurt from it. It doesn't seem like she can stop anytime soon, so I have to make sure to limit the damage possible.
To finish, I taped the end of the bandage onto her arm, making sure that it was secure enough not to fall off. I've done it before, so I knew how to treat a wound with a bandage. The drunken antics that my brother and his friends do ends up with blood being spilt a lot of the time, with me and the medic that my brother was friends with tending to their wounds.
"There," I said, "That should hold it. Just don't touch it."
"Y-you know, you don't have to do this," stuttered Yuri, looking away, "It's embarrassing enough as it is."
"You know I can't let this go," I explained, trying to sound as assuring as possible, "You're my friend. I won't stop until you stop."
Yuri stayed silent, continuing to look away as I stood up.
"I guess I'll see you at school," I simply said, "Just promise me you won't hurt yourself too bad."
"I-I suppose I shall be careful," said Yuri. Honestly, I want her to stop. But I don't think I can make her stop. I don't know how to. So I figured I'd just stick to damage control instead. I hope I'm doing the right thing.
I left her apartment soon after. Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I started down the path to the train station. I knew I was running a little late, so I had to double time it to the station before the line that I was taking left without me.
I rounded the corner to Yuri's apartment complex, going down the same road where Natsuki lived. Every time I go see Yuri to check up on her issue and her wounds, I can see my sister. It's been becoming increasingly hard for me to keep doing it, especially since I have to keep it on the down low. I don't want to attract any unwanted attention, so I can't talk to anyone about it.
Memories keep coming back every time I visit her. The entire situation is something no one wants to be in. And yet, here I am. I wanted to escape it all when I came here.
But it looks like I can never run from these bitter memories.
Never would I thought I would have anything else troubling today. But, alas, I was wrong, for the moment I heard a front door slam, followed with some yelling.
Looking towards the source of the sound, I saw her. Natsuki at her front door, pounding, yelling to be let back in. Tears could be seen running down her red face as she frustratingly pounded at the door, trying to get it to open, before quickly getting tired and collapsing to her knees, her eyes glued to the ground.
Little did I know it was not just Yuri having problems at home. And those painful memories would be coming back the moment I learned about Natsuki.
Translation notes:
1. Private gyms are more expensive in Japan than in the United States. A single-time limited visit to a private gym in Japan costs as much as a month-long membership at a US gym. However, public gyms are cheaper, though may have less equipment and ameneties.
A/N: Yeah, I know that I have not posted a chapter in forever. I thought I would have more time to write, but I'm just increasingly getting a bigger work load. I'm sorry I'm unable to write as often, it's just that it's my senior year at high school and I'm in a program called IB, so on top of worrying about my college application and my grades, I'm still trying to pass IB and its rigorous projects and exams. Plus, I have multiple writing projects, one for a game, and one for a thing I'm working on with a group of people. However, I do have an endgame for this story, so you bet your ass I'm gonna finish it.
I spent a good two weeks worrying if this chapter was good. In the end, I just ended up saying "fuck it" and posted it lmao.
