A/N: Sorry I haven't been active in over a year. I'll explain at the end of the next chapter.


Morning After

Monday, November 24th

I had a weird feeling bubbling deep in my chest on my way to school that morning. I thought that something was off, that something out of the blue was going on. I could feel my heart pumping and my heart churning, which was weird because all I was doing was walking with Sayori.

Maybe it was something to do with Natsuki? It can't be, honestly. I explained what happened with Sayori, since she's the only one who knows what we were doing in my room. And I explained to the Kobayashi folks, though I could tell they looked at me differently after that. But that wasn't an issue. The only people from school who would know about me and Natsuki would be Sayori. And I made sure she promised not to tell anyone. Hopefully, she doesn't say anything about it. Then again, Sayori Isn't the best person to tell a secret to. As friendly as she is, she tends to spill secrets if pressured enough.

But I shouldn't worry about that. Who could pressure Sayori into spilling the beans if no one knew what to ask her?

This feeling only intensified when I got to campus.

Sayori and I split ways as usual in the same spot, with her going towards her class and me going towards mine. Walking through the hallways felt even more nerve-wracking. I don't understand why. I felt like there were more eyes on me than usual. I felt like I was being watched. Every time I passed someone or brushed against someone's shoulder, I could feel their gaze on me, one more intense than a passing glare. The closer I got to my classroom, the more intense this weird feeling became. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Honestly, I don't know if I should be proud of this or not. Back home, it's more of an achievement for guys to spend the night with a girl or whatever. But for me, it just feels weird. Especially if it's with Natsuki or anyone from the club.

It definitely puts a bitter taste in my mouth though.

As I was about to enter the classroom, Monika stepped out from behind the door, crossing her arms as she blocked my way into the classroom, staring down at me with a glare that could kill a man from a mile away. "Sawyer," she said, with a tinge of anger tainting her voice, "We need to talk."

Before I could even say a word, I felt her roughly grabbing my arm, dragging me down the hall as if she tied me to a car and drove away. What the hell is going on?

Monika led me down the hall, then down the stairs, dragging my sorry ass with her by the arm. I couldn't see her face, but judging from the weird looks and people jumping out of the way to avoid this girl's path, I'm willing to bet she had a scary look on her face. Her movements were stiff and full of aggressiveness, her free arm swinging stiffly by her side, fist balled and all.

As soon as we got to the bottom of the stairs, she dragged me to the dark alcove next to the steps, away from any prying eyes. She turned around, a flurry of hair almost whipping my face as she did a full 180. Her hands followed that inertia and forcefully landed on my shoulders, gripping my shoulder blades tightly. Following that momentum, she completes another 180, this time dragging me toward the wall.

"Ack!" I cried out as the wind was knocked out of my lungs. Before I could even utter a single word, however, I opened my eyes to see Monika, her face a few inches from mine, her index finger stretched towards my chin as if she was holding me at gunpoint.

"Did. You. Do. It?" Monika said through gritted teeth.

"Agh, do what!?" I said, my eyes wide with sudden fear.

"You know what I mean!" Monika exclaimed, stomping her feet. Jeez, she's acting like Natsuki right now.

"Wha-," I stuttered. Monika must have picked up my confusion because the look on her face seems as though she thinks I'm dumb."

"Did you sleep," Monika said hesitantly, pausing in the middle as she took deep breaths, "with Natsuki?" Sleep with Natsuki? How did she know about that? And why is she so riled up about that?

Come to think of it, I've never seen Monika like this.

"Sleep with Natsuki?" I said, "Well, I mean… yeah? She was over at my place over the weekend."

"Oh my God, so you did do it with her!" exclaimed Monika, pulling her hair out and messing it up. "I didn't know that you two were that close!"

She turned around, hiding her face. "And to think that I thought that Natsuki hated boys."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I exclaimed in panic as Monika pushed me against a wall. Most guys would find this hot, but this is just fucking terrifying.

She turned to face me once more. "Do you know how much of a predicament you put me into right now?" she asked as she got closer to my face. "It was already suspicious that you are the only guy in the Literature Club! Now people are thinking that there's a bigger reason why you're there other than to do literature! And what if you hurt Natsuki during it? What if she gets pregnant?"

Wait, pregnant!?

"Woah. Woah, woah, woah," I said, "Back it up. By "sleep with her", do you mean…?"

Making an OK sign and pointing my index finger inside of the O, I made a gesture that felt a little too profane to say aloud.

"Yeah," Monika nodded her head. "What do you think I meant?"

I nodded, the cogs in my head started turning as I tried to process what she was talking about. "May I ask, who told you that I was with Natsuki over the weekend?"

Monika tilted her head in confusion, while her brow was still furrowed in meaningless anger. "Sayori?" her voice trailed off. "Does it matter who told me about it? All that matters is that you are just another fucking manwhore. Is that why you joined a club full of girls? To get laid? Not while I'm in charge, fucko!" Monika held up a fist while grabbing my collar, pinning me to the wall. My fight or flight response kicked in and flight was the decision, but my brain decided that it was a stupid decision and elected to ignore it. Instead, I decided to stay and explain.

"Wait, hang on," I tried to ease the tension before Monika kills me. "Calm down, Monika."

"Oh, you're gonna tell me to calm down?" Monika angrily put her hands on her hips as I realized that telling her, a woman, to calm down was a mistake that I now realize in hindsight. Before Monika actually kills me, I had to defuse the situation.

"Okay. That was the wrong thing to say. What I meant is for you to hear me out," I tried appealing to her once more.

Monika crossed her arms, her finger tapping her upper arm as if she's already tired of waiting for me to present my case to the judge. "Alright," she sighed, "I'm all ears."

"What… exactly did Sayori tell you? Word for word?"

"Well," Monika began to explain. "Yesterday, Sayori texted me. She asked if I knew that you slept with Natsuki. Word for word, she literally said 'Hey, did you know that Natsuki slept with Sawyer the other day? Earlier this morning, I went to his house and I saw Natsuki on top of him!'. This was late at night, I woke up to this text the following morning. Now, Sawyer, care to explain yourself?"

My eyes widened. "Is that all?" I asked. "Did she elaborate more about it?"

Monika shook her head no. My eyes widened as I gritted my teeth. That Sayori!

"Ho. Ly. Shit," I simply muttered as I nodded slowly, bobbing my head as I descended into insanity. "She's a dead woman. She'll hang for this. She worded it in a way that can get misinterpreted without any context."

"Ha! You didn't deny it!" Monika exclaimed, holding up her fist once more and winding it up for a punch. "So you did sleep with her!"

"Ah, ah, ah," I tutted. "This is Sayori we're talking about."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Monika.

"I think what she meant was, that Natsuki slept over. Not slept with. Slept over. Meaning she slept over at my place, not slept with me. There's a difference."

"Wait, so you didn't sleep with Natsuki?" asked Monika, confused.

"Fuck to the no," I said. "Besides," I made a groping motion with my fingers. "She's not my type."

"Huh," Monika nodded her head as she calmed down. She relaxed, her arm going limp and her fingers loosening. "You're right. Sayori's an idiot. Why didn't I think of it?"

"Yeah…" I chuckled as I bashfully, "Don't worry. Natsuki's still pure. Should be, at least."

"In this case, if you didn't do it with Natsuki," Monika pondered, "then why was she at your house overnight last weekend?"

"That?" I said with a furrowed brow. "It's kind of a long story."

"And I have all the time in the world, so you better explain," demanded Monika as she put her hands to her hips.

"Fine," I said as I took a deep breath, "On my way home after going to the gym with you, I went to Yuri's place because it was on the way home from the train station. After I left Yuri's place, I made my way home, passing Natsuki's house. I saw her standing outside by the door, fumbling with the lock and door handle. I guess she lost her keys and got locked out, so I offered her my place."

"I can tell that you're lying, you know that, right?" Monika crossed her arms.

"Wait, what?"

"I know exactly what happened," said Monika. "She was locked out, but not because she lost her keys."

"Oh?"

"Lemme guess," said Monika, putting her finger to her cheek, "She was yelling about her father or something, right?"

"Yeah," I said, looking up in shock and wonder, "How'd you now?"

"Ha!" Monika shrugged her shoulders, "I know everything there is to each and every club member. Think of the club as a game and me being the game developer. I know every single issue that each person faces."

"Wait," I asked, "So you know about Yuri?"

"I know her secret," Monika explained, "Her thing with knives and the cutting, I know it all. And she doesn't even know that I know about it."

"So you also know what Natsuki's going through?"

"Every single thing," she said, "I know what a piece of shit father that she has. I bet you do too, judging from what you're telling me."

"She didn't say," I said through gritted teeth, trying not to think of home. "Though I kinda got the gist."

I know what it's like to be her, I almost added at the end, but I stopped myself from saying it.

"Good," said Monika, "I'm glad someone else sees it too."

"Wait," I asked, "If you knew, then you would've said something or helped them out in some way, right?"

"Why do you think I didn't do anything to help them?" she answered with a rhetorical question, "I made the club for a reason, you know?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"I met all three of them before I founded the club," explained Monika, "I've met them and already figured out what's going on with their lives. I felt bad, so I decided to help them. Yuri with her social anxiety, Natsuki's domestic issue, and heck, even Sayori's own set of problems were the reasons why I started the club. All just to give them an outlet, you know? Get them the help they need through social therapy and help through literature. I figured that would help them the most."

So Monika didn't make that club solely on the fact that she liked literature, but to help her friends her need on top of that? I wondered to myself. Damn, she really is out of my league.

"Can you do me a favor then, Sawyer?" Monika asked, already calmed down from her little tirade earlier.

"I'm all ears."

"Help me help them, will ya?" she asked. "Now that I know that you know, help me out with this. I did the hard work, now it's up to you to finish the job."

"You can count on me," I said with a firm nod.

"You're a good friend," said Monika. "Thanks."

"I wouldn't say that," I said. "The girls are lucky to have you."

Monika giggled. "Shall we head back to class? Our teacher is probably waiting for us."

Later

My eyes dart listlessly across the white pages of an open book that I had open, my legs crossed and propped up on the desk in front of me. I looked like I was heavily engrossed in the novel that I was reading, but in all actuality, my mind was far from the events of the story enclosed within the pages of my book.

My eyes peered over the top of the hardcover book, scanning the room in front of me. I sat all the way in the back of the room, giving me a view of the entire room from where I was. All the way at the front of the room, the girls were there, all chatting happily, their giggles and laughs echoing throughout the room.

There was Yuri, an open book on her desk, a teacup in her hands, sipping from the warm rich liquid. Vapors from her drink slowly rose into the air like the tendrils of the roots of an old oak tree. No one could've guessed that she kept something hidden under her sleeves.

There was Natsuki, reading one of the mangas that she kept in the clubroom, munching on one of the cupcakes that she made in her culinary class. She made her usual pink strawberry-flavored cupcakes, decorated with one of those "owo" faces with whiskers and cat ears. She looked so happy with her cutesy motif. No one also could've guessed that she hid her own problems.

There was Sayori, sitting on one of the desks, kicking her legs like a kid. Her bright blue eyes seemed to twinkle as she laughed at every joke, her smile radiating across the clubroom. I'm still kinda pissed at her for earlier, but whatever. Monika said earlier that even though she had her own set of problems, at a glance, no one would've known.

My eyes landed on Monika, standing front and center like the president of the Literature Club should. With her grades, athletics, beauty, charisma, and overall can-do attitude, she could've done anything, be anything. Hell, she could've been the president of one of the bigger clubs on this campus, maybe the president of the Japanese version of a National Honor Society. Or perhaps the student council president. But instead, she was the president of a small literature club with less than ten members. For a while, I've wondered why. But now, I know why she made this club. And honestly, I hold an even higher respect for her now.

I'm surprised that she doesn't have a boyfriend yet. I'm willing to bet that there's a whole line of boys all trying to get her attention and ask her out. There's no way that people can't help falling in love with her. But then again, Monika doesn't really talk to any of the other boys or even try to make an effort to actually find a relationship, only being really close to the other club members. It's like she's never in the market. It's like she's waiting for that one special someone. The only thing stopping me from believing that she is a lesbian who is only into girls is that she calls guys hot more often than girls. And, well, the only thing stopping me from asking her out is the fact that I'm just a weeb with nothing to bring to the table. There's no way in Hell I could compare to her.

Come to think of it, I've never even thought about getting into a relationship these past few years. I never thought it was worth the effort. After all, I've been trying my best to get as far away from home as possible. Getting good grades, trying to make friends, all just for a chance for a better life away from home. Eventually, I found myself here. In Japan. A whole other world away from Hawaii.

Here, I've met many people. But the people that I've been closest to in this past year were the girls in front of me. Monika, Yuri, Natsuki, Sayori. I don't think I've ever been this close to someone else other than them. Sure, CJ and the triplets are my friends, but I'm still a bit of an outcast in their friend group. I didn't really belong, despite their attempts to befriend me. I appreciate the effort, though.

It's a shame I've only met them now. Where have they been all of my life?

Thoughts swirled in my head as I spied the group of girls in front of me from behind the cover of my book. Sooner or later, I felt my eyes slowly close. Not even the coffee that is practically coursing through my veins is strong enough to keep myself awake these past two sleepless nights.

Maybe I should get a little bit of shuteye.

Oahu, Hawaii

The setting sun on the horizon turned orange as it dipped below the western horizon. The sand underneath my feet tickled my toes as the sound of the waves was drowned out by the music streaming from my earbuds. Water and sea foam crashed onto the rocky barrier I sat on that seemed to stretch out to sea, protecting the nearby harbor filled with boats and yachts from the harsh waves that come in during storms. I was alone out there. It was just me and the setting sun, keeping me company.

This place was one of my favorite places to be. It was quiet. No one ever came here. Nor was anyone allowed to be here. It was dangerous for anyone to come out to this barrier, with rocks with sharp and jagged edges that could kill anyone if they were not careful on the slippery rocks. Not that I cared anyway. If I fell and busted my skull against these rocks, it wouldn't matter. The world will keep turning and no one would really care. So every day, whenever I have time, I would come out here and think.

It was quiet. It was tranquil. I didn't have to deal with screaming parents or school bullshit. I didn't have to deal with home. There, it was just me.

The evening sun above me turned the sky to a lovely shade of violet and orange, two colors at the opposite ends of the visual light spectrum clashing together to create a sky full of beauty. They clashed and conflicted with each other, but it resulted in a beautiful view that gave me a brief respite from the chaos at home. There, it was just me.

Just me.

I closed my eyes in meditation as I sat there, listening to the crashing waves kissing my feet below me. I listened deeply for a sign, something to tell me that it's going to be okay. I focused on my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. The smell of the sea salt filled my nostrils every time I breathed in and out. For once, I was able to breathe. I was able to be at peace.

The sound of yelling made me open my eyes. "Sawyer!" the voices called. "Sawyer! Hey!"

I lifted my head and looked to the source of the voices. Down by the beach, I could see some forms in the sand. A guy and three girls shorter than him, all of them waving their arms over their heads. They were making a waving motion, beckoning me to join them. I shook my head and smiled as I stood up and made my way through the perilous rocks to greet them.


Honorifics: (Underlined honorifics are the ones used in current chapter)

-san: Most common, is an all-purpose suffix that can be used in any situation where politeness is expected. Basically the titles Mr. Ms. etc.

-sama: This suffix is one level higher than "-san" and is used to confer great respect.

-kun: This suffix is most commonly used at the end of boys' names to express endearment.

-chan: Feminine version of -kun.

Senpai: Superior/Upperclassmen.

Sensei: Master.