Poem Panic 2
Back to the present
"Sawyer!" I heard a voice calling me as I lifted my heavy head from my desk. I still felt groggy as shit, but eventually I was able to look up, peering over the top of the book that I stood up to hide the fact that I was sleeping. Speaking of which, how long was I out for?
"What the hell's going on?" I groaned as I rubbed an eye enough to see stars. Ahead, I saw Yuri and Natsuki arguing about something again. They always bicker for some reason, but at one point, I just stopped giving a damn and watched from the sidelines. But now, it seems like they're asking for my opinion.
"You think you could settle an argument for us?" asked Monika, beckoning me to come over.
"Fine," I said, slowly getting up to my feet and walking over to the group of girls. "What's up?"
"Natsuki and Yuri are arguing about poem styles," explained Sayori, watching the situation unfold carefully.
"Poem styles?" I asked.
"I'm not the one who has to make their poems sound so stupidly convoluted that the meaning of the poem gets lost in translation!" cried Natsuki.
"Well at least I'm not the one whose vocabulary is simpler than a four year old!" Yuri retorted, her voice getting uncomfortably louder than it usually is. No wonder why they called me in to help.
"Uh," I said before Natsuki cut me off.
"At least everyone can understand what I wrote!" Natsuki argued, "The looks I could see on people's faces whenever they read whatever you were able to crap onto the paper seems as if they can't even discern any rhyme or reason for your poems, nor can they even read the squiggly lines you call your cursive handwriting."
"Hey!" Yuri cried, "For your information, I put so much effort into my writing. Even down to the handwriting. Yours looks like a first grader learning how to write." Yuri's getting awfully combative, should I be worried?
"Oh, you're saying that you put so much effort into your writing?" Natsuki taunted, "You must be so full of yourself!"
"No…" said Yuri, quieter now, "If I was full of myself, I would deliberately go out of my way to make everything I do overly cutesy!"
Natsuki visibly took offense to that, blinking and shaking her head, as if she was shocked that Yuri had said something bad to her.
"Hey, uh, guys?" I said, trying to stop the situation from escalating further. To no avail, of course. It's kinda hard to break up two girls fighting. This sounds familiar.
"Not now!" the both of them cried out. I put my hands up in surrender as I instinctively took a step back. How worried should I be right now?
Looking around, I could tell that Monika and Sayori was slowly growing uneasy by the second. I know Sayori hates conflicts like this, but getting in the middle of this might make things worse. I don't blame her. Monika, her being the leader, should be able to stop this before someone says anything that they will regret. But she just watched in horror, as if she was watching a train wreck in slow motion.
"Oh yeah?" Natsuki turned to Yuri without skipping a beat, "At least I'm not the one whose tits magically grew a size larger the day Sawyer started coming here." That sounds very familiar.
"N-Natsuki!" Yuri stammered in shock, her face becoming pale the moment she said that.
"Natsuki, that's a little-" Monika said before being interrupted.
"This doesn't concern you!" the both of them yelled, Monika backing up in the same fashion as I did.
"Taking out your own insecurities like that," Yuri said like a doting mother, "You really act as young as you look."
"Me?" said Natsuki, "Look who's talking, you wannabe edgy bitch!" Should I step in now?
"Edgy?" asked Yuri, "Sorry that my lifestyle is too much for someone of your mental age to comprehend!"
"Just saying that proves my fucking point!" yelled Natsuki, "Most people learn to get over themselves after they graduate middle school, you know?"
"If you want to prove anything, then stop harassing everyone with that sickening attitude!" scolded Yuri, "You think you can counterbalance your toxic personality by acting and dressing cute?"
"The only cute thing about you is how hard you try," Yuri added on. And like a balloon about to burst, the tension in the room escalated higher than the moon.
"Woah, be careful," said Natsuki, "Or you might just cut yourself on that edge there!"
Yuri was taken aback. Clutching and pulling on her sleeves, Yuri recoiled before screaming back "What the fuck is wrong with your head!?"
"Yeah, go on!" said Natsuki, "Let Sawyer know what you really think! I'm sure he'll still be friends with your edgy ass!"
Alright, that's it, the voice in the back of my mind said.
"Hey!" I cried out as I stepped in between the two bickering girls. "Everyone shut the fuck up and stop whatever the fuck you're doing!"
The room turned deadly quiet.
I turned to Yuri and pointed at her. "Sit the fuck down," I said before turning to Natsuki next, pointing at her too, "And you need to calm the fuck down!"
The voice in the back of my head immediately scolded me. Dumbass, you're not supposed to say that!
But it was too late. My cheek stung with pain as I recoiled back, grimacing as I took the shot to the face. Instinctively, I grabbed Natsuki's collar and held up a fist with my free hand. And then I froze.
Natsuki but her arms up to defend, shaking scared as I held her by the collar. The knuckles on the fist that I held up turned white as I clutched it as hard as physically possible. But I caught myself. I exhaled once, releasing my grip and letting my fingers go limp. But Natsuki kept her arms up, waiting for the inevitable blow.
This is what I get for trying to help.
Everyone froze for a quick second. It got so quiet, one could hear a pin drop to the ground. The only thing that we could hear is our steady breathing. And then some sniffling.
Slowly, Natsuki dropped her arms and looked up, showing her face for all to see. Her eyes were puffy and red, her cheeks blushing like a tomato. Tears streamed from her face as she looked up at my pitifully. I could tell she was trying to keep it in, but tears kept streaming out.
"Hey," I said in a calmer voice, but I was too slow. Natsuki covered her face and turned around, bolting off, knocking down a chair in the process. She ran out of the room before I could say "Wait!"
I turned around to see Yuri with her arms folded. She looked off at the open door of the classroom. "Hey, you two," I pointed towards Monika and Sayori, who have been quiet the entire time, "Help her out."
Not waiting for a response, I ran off, trying to find Natsuki through the winding hallways of the school. I ran and ran for what seems like eternity. My heart raced as I passed through corridor after corridor for any sign of Natsuki.
I raced around a corner, and came to a full stop as quickly as possible before I ran into the looming figure before me.
"Woah, careful there, bro!" said CJ as he held his hands up to stop me from running into him. "Easy!"
"Hey Sawyer!" one of the triplets behind him said, "Is that you?"
"Did you guys see a pink-haired girl run through here, about yay tall?" I said, trying to catch my breath as I held up my hand to show how tall the 4'10 girl was.
"Yeah, I just saw her, she went upstairs," CJ motioned to the set of stairs next to him. As if on cue, I heard the distinct sound of one of the doors to the roof opening and closing.
"Ah, fuck, okay!" I cried as I ran past CJ and the triplets, running up the stairs.
"Wait!" I heard one of the girls say, but I did not stop.
I ran up the stairs, my legs already burning from running around campus. But I ignored the burn, focusing on taking one step at a time. I forced myself up those stairs before getting to the metal door that led to the roof. Like a football player bracing for a tackle, I used my shoulder to hit the push handle, bursting through the door like I just kicked it down.
Panting and out of breath, I scanned the rooftop, looking for Natsuki. One quick scan and I couldn't see her from where I was. All I heard at first was the cool November breeze blowing by. But as I caught my breath, I could hear the heavy breathing of someone else coming from around the corner, outside of my view. There she is.
The person who was against the wall around the corner was Natsuki, sitting down with her forehead at her knees, sitting in an upright fetal position. She hugged her knees and buried her face into her legs.
I walked over to her, my shoes crunching against the gravel underneath my feet. Leaning against the wall, I sat down with an exasperated sigh, a foot away from Natsuki.
"What are you doing here?" she muttered, her muffled voice slightly cracking, as if she was trying hard not to cry.
"Well," I said. "I'm here to ask you what the hell happened back there?"
"It's nothing," she mumbled.
I cocked an eyebrow. "Yeah? That was nothing? That didn't seem like nothing."
Natsuki didn't reply. Looking at her, I noticed that she was pressing her face into her knees, making sure that I wouldn't be able to see her face. I could see her chest rise and fall as she breathed deeply. Maybe she doesn't want me to see her cry. She may be tough, but she ain't fooling anyone.
I sighed, looking up at the clouds against the otherwise clear blue sky above Japan. I sat there for about a minute with her, staying silent as I waited for her to talk.
After a bit, she broke the silence by muttering something under her breath. She took a shaky breath in and out, before speaking. "I'm sorry," I heard her say, her voice cracking more than before. She sniffled and soon enough, I could hear her sobbing quietly.
"Shh, it's okay," I said quietly as I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in slightly and embracing her, doing my best to comfort her. She didn't lean in, opting to just stay in the fetal position, which made my embrace a little awkward.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she kept repeating through sobs as tears flowed down her rosy red cheeks.
"Hey, it's okay," I chided, trying to comfort her and stop her from crying. "It's okay."
"B-but it's not okay!" she muttered loudly. "I flipped out on you all for such a dumb reason. I'm the bitch who decided to start a fight. I'm the bitch who escalated it."
"Hey, don't you say that," I said. "You said some things that you shouldn't have said. It happens. Don't worry about it."
"I called Yuri an 'edgy wannabe bitch'. I called her stuff that I should never have said," Natsuki embraced her knees harder, her hands gripping her legs tightly to the point of her fingers turning white. "She probably hates me now. They all do. You probably hate me too, don't you?"
I scoffed. "Natsuki, I would never! There's no reason why I should hate you."
"But I'm just a bitch to all of you," Natsuki went on as she self-deprecated herself. "I'm always temperamental! I'm always lashing out at you all!"
Natsuki scooted away a few inches. She looked away from my direction, still pressing her face into her legs. "He was right. Maybe I don't deserve to be with you guys."
Is she talking about that guy from her class? I thought. If so, I'm gonna beat the shit out of him next time I see him talking to her.
"Don't you dare say that," I said sternly. "There's no reason why you should say that about yourself."
"But it's true, right?!" exclaimed Natsuki, burying her face even more. "I don't even know how you guys put up with me!"
Oh, I see what's going on.
I sighed as I leaned back against the wall, chuckling quietly to myself. "I can't believe you can't see this at all."
"What the hell do you mean by that?"
"There's a reason why we've all been together for so long," I explained, chuckling slightly. "It's because of some kind of chemistry between all of us."
"What are you even talking about?" she asked under her breath.
"I mean, we all put up with each other," I continued. "Both Sayori and Monika tend to be annoying to me every now and then. I can put up with them. You and Yuri have been friends for a while now, despite you two being exact opposites. If we haven't gone our own ways by now, then we must've done something right, enough to the point where we can all still be friends."
"Oh yeah?" Natsuki's head turned slightly, uncovering her eye, which was red from crying. "Then what about the two of us? You and me? How could you put up with me for so long?"
"What, are you kidding me?" I exclaimed. "We've gone through some shit ourselves. Remember a while back when you almost drowned in a pool? I did CPR on you?"
"Yeah?" she replied.
"Remember when we ran into those guys who were messing with Yuri at the train station last month? When I took that punch?" I recalled another time I was with Natsuki.
"That must've hurt," said Natsuki.
"Fucked up the other guy too, though," I chuckled. I still remembered that sucker punch to the jaw. It hurt like a bitch.
"Hell, do you even remember last Saturday?" I asked. "When you slept with me?"
I saw Natsuki raise an eyebrow in confusion. When she did, I noticed that she stopped crying, just looking on to what I had to say.
"Let me rephrase," I said without skipping a beat. "Remember when you stayed the night at my place?"
"Yeah… What are you trying to say?" she asked.
"What I'm saying is that we've gone through a lot of shit these past few months," I scooched on closer to Natsuki. "Even though you get on my nerves some times, I'm still your friend. Loyal to the end. And so is everyone else in the club. Besides, conflict breeds comradery. So what if you fucked up? Who cares?"
I could see Natsuki pop a small smirk hidden in her arms. After a second, she lifted her head and looked up at the blue November sky, resting her head against the concrete wall behind her.
"I guess you're right," Natsuki sighed. "I'm just burning bridges for nothing."
"Eh, this wasn't the first time you got angry at Yuri," I remarked. "Remember a few months ago? You two got into a very similar argument. Hell, you even said that her tits grew a size last time this happened. Either I'm having deja vu or you're just bad at insulting your best friend to the point where you're complimenting her assets."
"Oh yeah?" she asked. "What do I do now? I probably made her hate me."
"Well, first of all, you gotta repair the bridge you just burnt down," I said. "Man up about it and apologize to Yuri about what you said and that you didn't mean it. We're adults now, this is how we're supposed to solve conflicts."
"And then what?" she asked.
"If all goes well, then we pretend this never happened. Forgive and forget, right?"
"Fine. I'll apologize to her," Natsuki mumbled nervously. "I just hope she'll forgive me."
"Ah, I think she'll be fine," I said as I stood up, starting to walk towards the door. "I've said worse things to my sister and we still have a functional relationship. Kinda fucked up, but still functional at least. Yuri will forgive you."
"Oh, and Sawyer?" Natsuki called, making me stop in my tracks and turn around. "I'm very sorry I made you go through this. I just dragged you into it."
I smiled a little as I reached out a hand towards Natsuki. "Ah, don't worry about it. It's the least I could do to keep this club together."
Natsuki wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve and grabbed my hand so that I could pull her to her feet.
"I'm also sorry for the slap," Natsuki apologized.
"That was nothing," I said. "Okano-san's punch hurt way more. You hit like a girl."
Natsuki scoffed. "Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?"
"Just sayin' I've been through worse," I laughed. I motioned towards the door. "Now, why don't you go and kiss and make up with Yuri."
I followed Natsuki back to the club room. As we walked, I helped her formulate how she should apologize to Yuri. I helped her breathe and calm her nerves. At the same time, I wondered if Sayori and Monika also gave the same kind of talk to Yuri. Maybe both of them will end up apologizing at the same time. That would be the best-case scenario. I just hope this wouldn't impact the club hard.
Once we got to the room, I opened the door, staying outside and ushering Natsuki in. She looked nervous, her face still red from crying as she clutched her arm in shame. She paused for a second before looking to me. Without saying a word, I simply nodded.
I watched her walk into the room from the doorway. Yuri was sitting at a desk in the back of the classroom, her eyes puffy like Natsuki's as Sayori and Monika comforted her. As soon as Natsuki entered the room, the two of them immediately locked eyes with one another. And here we go. Either this goes well or this doesn't.
As Natsuki slowly approached, Yuri also slowly stood up. Sayori and Monika kept looking at each other and eyeing me before watching Yuri and Natsuki.
"H-hey," stuttered Natsuki as soon as she got to Yuri's desk.
"H-hello," replied Yuri in the same manner, clearly shaken up from earlier as well.
I could tell that Natsuki was having trouble keeping eye contact with Yuri, as she kept looking away. She nervously held her arm, looking down in shame. Apologizing wasn't Natsuki's strong suit, it may seem.
"L-look, I, um…" Natsuki stammered. "About what happened earlier…"
Yuri looked on, watching with an apprehensive look on her face. She folded her arms as she leaned forward. Meanwhile, Sayori and Monika inched away slowly, giving the two girls privacy.
"I just…" Natsuki paused. She rubbed her arm and looked down at the ground, clearly struggling to apologize. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."
Natsuki looked up as she apologized, meeting Yuri's gaze. For a second, it seemed like they were connected to each other, communicating without saying a single word.
"I didn't mean anything that I said," Natsuki continued. "I don't know what got over me. I shouldn't have said all that stuff that I said earlier. It's okay if you're still angry at me. I understand."
Natsuki looked back down at the ground, sulking at herself.
"Maybe I don't deserve to be your friend."
"N-Natsuki!" exclaimed Yuri as she stood up, pushing her chair away from her as she slammed her hands against the desk. "D-don't say that!"
"But I-"
"But nothing!" Yuri walked around the desk and quickly embraced Natsuki, smothering her in her bosom. "You'll always be my friend! B-besides, I believe I have to apologize as well. I think it was my fault. I made you snap. I must have been pushing your buttons. For that, I am sorry."
"No, don't apologize," said Natsuki. "I shouldn't have snapped in the first place. That was childish of me. I started it all. It was my fault."
"It doesn't matter whose fault it is, now," Yuri explained. "We've had this exact argument months before. It didn't get as heated, but we still made up. Today, it shouldn't be any different. As long as we've made up."
Natsuki looked up at Yuri, a slight smile creeping on her face as she tried to fight the urge to cry. "Friends?"
Yuri smiled back. "Friends," she said as she leaned in to hug Natsuki once more, with Natsuki hugging back this time. "But on one condition. Next time we're in an argument, can you think of something better than my breasts growing? We've had this argument before and you still used the same insult. Expand that vocabulary of yours. If you're going to insult someone, might as well be smart about it."
Natsuki chuckled. "Seriously?" She motioned to Yuri's breasts. "I think I feel some padding in there."
"Now, now," joked Yuri. "I would show you to prove that I am still me, but Sawyer is over there watching and I don't think it would be nice for him to see."
As I watched the two girls make up, I looked over to Monika and Sayori. Both of them had a relieved look on their faces, as if they've had a breath of fresh air after holding it in for so long. They looked over in my direction. I simply smirked and gave a thumbs up. Monika chuckled and Sayori made an OK sign.
As the scenario started to defuse, there were two thoughts left in my head. First of all, Yuri and Natsuki act like an old, married couple. And that this entire fight felt like a cheesy sitcom.
But that was not the most important thought that lingered in my mind. Instead, I was just left with more questions than answers. There must be a reason why Natsuki exploded the way she did today. Was it stress? Was it due to something going on at school? Or is there something going on at home instead?
Come to think of it, Monika said earlier today that her dad was a piece of shit. Maybe it had something to do with that, especially with what happened over the weekend.
I'll have to do more digging about this. Surely it can't be about that.
Then again, I don't know if I should. For my own sanity's sake.
Honorifics: (Underlined honorifics are the ones used in current chapter)
-san: Most common, is an all-purpose suffix that can be used in any situation where politeness is expected. Basically the titles Mr. Ms. etc.
-sama: This suffix is one level higher than "-san" and is used to confer great respect.
-kun: This suffix is most commonly used at the end of boys' names to express endearment.
-chan: Feminine version of -kun.
Senpai: Superior/Upperclassmen.
Sensei: Master.
A/N: Hello y'all. If you're one of the people who've been following this story to this point, this note's for you. Long story short, I've been gone for a little over a year now since my last upload. Hell, the last update was in December of 2021. If you're wondering what the hell happened to me, let's just say I got busy. From that December to May, I've been working on school shit so I didn't bother returning to this story for a while. A lot changed after that. Graduated high school, got into a college (sadly not my first choice of university but whatever), started studying nursing and military science, and life went on. I pretty much just stopped working on writing because life kinda got in the way. Though, that wasn't always the case. Whenever I had the motivation, I would start working on writing again. But surely, if I've had a year and a half, I still would've at least posted a chapter or two, right?
Well, that's the thing. I kinda stopped working on this story for a while. I put it off. Reading my earlier works, I honestly hated how I wrote in the beginning. In a way, that's both a good thing and a bad thing. I saw where my writing skills were at the start in comparison to now. Hell, I started writing this story four years ago in 2019, back at the tail end of my freshman year of high school. And I'm only halfway through. This is my longest story yet. (Holy shit I got old)
But the bad thing was that I just got demotivated working on this story. I just started another project instead, another fic (I'm not creative enough to make an original story yet) called Girls' Frontline. I have not posted anything for that second project yet because I want to get a good start on it, making sure the first few chapters are rock solid before I publish it. However, I'm not giving up on this story yet. I'm gonna finish this one.
Sorry, I pretty much ghosted you all. It's just that reading the beginning chapters was cringe to the point of me not wanting anything to do with this. But now that I'm here, I might as well start writing again.
Now, does this mean that I'm back writing at a regular schedule now? No. Not in the slightest. In fact, I might not be able to post another chapter until August. Maybe I can squeeze one chapter or two in June, but in July, I'm going away for a month for some military training thing. But, at the very least, it's the start of my return to writing.
I'm back, and I'm gonna finish this story, one way or another.
