I"Good afternoon, Hogwarts, and welcome to the Having Fun at Lily's Expense Party," called Lily into the megaphone, "Our first event is going to be a Pinching Lily Competition. Each of you will be given one opportunity to come up and pinch me once on any part of my person you so choose. After everyone has taken his or her turn, whoever has pinched me in the way that has stung the most as judged by me will be declared the winner of the Pinching Lily Competition. Second and third place will also be awarded. Good luck everyone! Happy pinching!"

Apart from Devon's usual insistence on taking his turn first, it was impossible for Lily to keep track of the order they went in because there were so many of them. This wasn't a problem for Lily because all she really had to do was keep track in her mind of who the top three leaders were at any given nanosecond. After all of the contestants had taken their turns, the pecking order at the top three level was clear to Lily.

"Taking third place with a pinch to my left underarm that stung worse than the cold I played my first Hogwarts Quidditch match in-

"That's saying something," interjected Rachel, who had NOT forgotten that bitterly cold day

-from Ravenclaw, seventh year, Jill Kirke."

Jill, who seemed a bit on the shy side, slowly and quietly walked back up to Lily.

"Hey, Jill?" asked Lily curiously, "Are you a loner? I've noticed you on your own on multiple occasions."

"I've been a loner since I came to Hogwarts," answered Jill indifferently, "I had some great friends in the muggle world in my elementary school days. I gave up some great friendships in the muggle world for the opportunity to become a witch. And you know what? It was absolutely the right thing to do. That said, I'm one of five Ravenclaws in my year, three girls and two boys. Well the two boys met on the Hogwarts Express and hit it off, much like Harry Potter and Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. The other two girls were already besties pre Hogwarts. That left me on my own."

"How happy have you been at Hogwarts, Jill?" asked Lily.

"From the nanosecond I arrived at Hogwarts, I've been a MUCH happier person than I ever had been in the muggle world," piped up Jill in one of the most decisive voices any of them had ever heard.

"Friendship can't and won't buy you happiness whereas having a better overall life can and will, " said Samantha bluntly, "At the end of the day, the bottom line is that a better overall life with no friends is a much happier life than a not as good life with several great friends."

"That's EXACTLY what I learned for myself in an organic way when I came to Hogwarts," explained Jill, "Think about it, compared to the muggle world, Hogwarts has much better food, much more comfortable beds, more exciting sports, and more interesting classes. Not to mention that the castle itself is a super cool place to live and go to school. I'll take all of that over great friendships any day of the week."

"Well said, Jill," replied Samantha with a smile.

"Hey, Jill, how did you get to be such a good pincher?" asked Lily.

Jill's shyness melted away quicker than an ice cube on a sidewalk on a July afternoon in Arizona.

"I LEARNED TO PINCH WHEN I WAS IN FIRST GRADE TO PUT SOME ASSHOLES AND BITCHES IN THEIR PLACE!" yelled Jill, who now had a very pissed off look on her face and was showing anger in all of her body movements.

"I'm sorry, Jill, " said Lily apologetically, "I hit a really sore spot, didn't I?"

"The question you asked me was a reasonable one, " said Jill matter of factly, "It did hit a sore spot, but you couldn't have known that. That said, I will tell the story. My parents' names are Jack and Jill. They had always wanted a son and daughter named Jack and Jill. When I was in first grade, mom was pregnant with a boy who was to be Jack. But she had a miscarriage."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, that's horrible," said Lily uncomfortably.

"I was sad, but mom and dad were devastated, " said Jill in a heartbroken voice, " Like I said, I was in first grade at the time. A few mean and nasty fifth graders at my school teased me about this and made a spectacle of making fun of it. To shut these assholes and bitches up, I started pinching them on their underarms and made it clear to them I would pinch them as hard as I could every time they made fun of or teased me about my family tragedy. Once these assholes and bitches learned how hard I could pinch and knew how serious I was about not tolerating them making fun of my family tragedy, they left me alone after that."

"Did Jack and Jill make another attempt at a later date to have their son?" inquired Hugo.

At this, Jill actually smiled.

"Successfully, " answered Jill happily, "Jack was born when I was in third grade and he's in fourth grade now. He'll be starting at Hogwarts in two years."

"Congratulations," beamed Lily, " And congratulations on your third place finish. Let me get your prize out.""

Lily dug her hands into the prize bag and pulled out a hardcover copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that had been signed by Harry Potter himself.

"OOH!" cooed Jill in an awestruck voice as she took the book from Lily, "I'm one of the biggest Harry Potter fans ever. To actually be holding his autograph and for his daughter to have presented it to me is surreal."

"You earned it, Jill, " smiled Lily, who now transitioned to, "Taking second place with a pinch to my belly button that stung worse than if a queen bee had gotten me, Courtney Saver."

Courtney seemed a little quiet, but she ran up to Lily with much more vigor than Jill had.

"It's good to see you again, Courtney, " smiled Lily, "How has your incorporation into the Saver family gone?"

Courtney smiled at Samantha and Stephanie and nodded.

"It couldn't have gone better," said Courtney warmly, "Losing the only home I had ever known was crushing and being on the run was tough. But I've found a great solution now. It depends what you want out of a family though. If you're looking for a lot of love or affection, especially things like hugs and kisses, you're not going to find those things in the Saver household. If you're looking for a family where people look after each other, be there for each other, and take care of each other, the Savers are the ticket."

"What's the biggest adjustment you've had to make in going from being a Baylac to being a Saver?" Albus asked Courtney.

"Living in a different house, " answered Courtney instantly, "I've never lived in another house before and the image of my lifelong home being gutted by fire is seared into my head, probably forever. Another major adjustment has been the Savers firm anti yelling policy. With the Baylacs, mom and dad encouraged Stephanie and I to vent our frustrations at them and each other to get things off our chests. With the Savers, however, mom and dad believe that yelling is evil and that any person who respects another person will NEVER yell or raise their voice at them. Samantha believes in this even more soundly, saying things like "Vent at air, not people," and "Air is a much more appropriate thing to use as a sounding board than people."

"To be honest, I agree with Austin and Morgan in this case," said James, drawing from his own experiences," It is a curious thing, but I find it far more helpful to vent my frustrations at a person than to vent at air. That's why I'm incredibly lucky that Lily lets herself be my sounding board when I need one."

"Ironically," said Devon wryly, "Mom and dad share the views of Samuel, Sarah, and Samantha on this point while I'm with James in finding that, when I need to get things off my chest, being able to spew my feelings out to a person is more useful than doing it to air. I echo when James said about how supportive and understanding Lily is in that sense. "

"You and Stephanie are biological sisters," said Gary to Courtney, "But how do you and Samantha get along?"

"Samantha is the most wonderful sister anyone could ask for because she is the epitome of a person who will always be there for you when you need her, " said Courtney, "My incorporation into the Saver family was smooth and seamless. Yes, it helped me that Stephanie became a Saver a few months before and that I knew I'd be reunited with my biological sister. But the fact that Samantha was so warm and welcoming towards having me join the Saver family and live with them was the glue the held the transition together."

"And how did you become such a good pincher, Courtney?" asked Lily.

"Boring as it sounds, that was the first time I'd ever pinched anyone, " said Courtney truthfully, "I just gave it my best shot. Apparently just giving my best shot was good enough for second place. If this was an Olympic event, I'd be a silver medalist with no prior practice or experience."

"I'm impressed," grinned Lily, "Hidden talent, eh?"

"Possibly," smirked Courtney, "Or maybe I just had one shining moment."

"Either away, let me give your prize," said Lily, digging her hands into the prize bag a second time and pulling out a stuffed animal. Not a teddy bear or stuffed dog or anything else muggles would think of when thinking about stuffed animals, but a stuffed hippogriff. The stuffed hippogriff was stormy gray in color and had a resemblance to Buckbeak.

"This is unique," said Courtney brightly, "Nothing like this is sold in the muggle world."

"Even in the Wizarding World, bears and dogs are the most common stuffed animals," said Lily, "But stuffed animals representing magical creatures are out there. Not totally rare but not something every wizarding child has either."

"I like hippogriffs," said Courtney thoughtfully, "Because they demand respect and stick up for themselves while being fiercely loyal at the same time."

"That's what makes the pet-owner relationship between wizards and hippogriffs so strong," Lily told the crowd at large as much as Courtney, "Their respect must be earned but once it is that bond is stronger than most pet-owner relationships with the only stronger such bond occurring with phoenixes."

There were nods of respect and understanding at this before Lily finally made the announcement that they were all waiting for.

"The winner of the Pinching Lily Competition is Devon Dursley, whose pinch to my right cheek still feels like it will sting forever," said Lily proudly.

"YES!" said Devon, "I'm the first winner today! Awesome! Of course, pinching comes naturally to me. When I was in preschool, I once randomly pinched a classmate and felt a kind of savage pleasure when I realized how hard I had pinched him and how much it had hurt him. However, I made a habit of this and the adults at my preschool informed mom and dad. Mom and dad made it clear to me that they would NOT tolerate me bullying or being mean to other kids. Despite mom's objections to corporal punishment, dad gave me a big spanking on my behind. Dad felt I needed to be punished in a way I would remember, and fear and it worked. Once I started elementary school, I never dared be a bully or a meanie. Luckily, I developed into a kid who enjoys being nice and friendly."

"I'm glad you turned out the way you did, Devon," said Miles proudly, "Sometimes a harsh lesson is good for you."

"It was necessary for me," admitted Devon.

"Devon, you're going to love your prize," said Lily confidently, reaching into the prize bag a third time and pulling a model of the Hogwarts Express and a model of the Knight Bus.

"Oh, me oh my!" said Devon in a gushing kind of voice, "You know how much I love model trains, Lily. What an awesome pair to add to my collection."

"Models of the Hogwarts Express are rare," explained Lily, "Amy bought this one at Susan's Sorcery Souvenirs, a shop owned by Susan Bones. According to Amy, Susan told her that only four Hogwarts Express models are made in a year and when Susan gets one in the shop, it almost always sells quickly."

"I'm really lucky to have won this particular event," said Devon gleefully, "Being a lover of model trains and winning the event that carried a model of the Knight Bus and a rare model of the Hogwarts Express as the prize is sweet!"

"You deserve it, Devon!" said Lily cheerfully.

"I can't wait to get them home and, in my collection," said Devon eagerly, "Especially the rare Hogwarts Express model. The rare Hogwarts Express model is now my favorite model train."

Lily smiled to herself. The first event at the Having Fun at Lily's Expense Party had been a success.