An Unusual Kurosaki Family

AN: This is meant to be naughty without being an actual smut fic.

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Ichigo Kurosaki had a very unorthodox family. He didn't think they were, but he understood that they were objectively rather unusual. He didn't have a father, but instead two mothers, one of which was biologically his father. His mother who gave birth to him was Masaki Kurosaki, who was a Quincy, which seemed to be some kind of magical girl but for ghosts rather than monsters. She even had a transformation that gave her wings, but while she insisted it fit just fine when she was in high school, the brunette had clearly grown a lot in the twenty odd years since then. Next was his mom/biological dad, Kūkaku Kurosaki (formerly Shiba). Apparently, she was some sort of nobility in the afterlife and a ghost samurai, a description that made less sense the more she explained it. These days, the one-armed ravenette was an extremely unorthodox yet effective businesswoman. Personally, Ichigo always thought her success was aided by the fact that half the time, Kūkaku seemed like anyone who angered her would be fitted for some cement shoes.

Ichigo also had a pair of older twin sisters: Yuzu and Karin, both nineteen this year. Yuzu's hair was a little lighter than Masaki's, though she kept it much shorter, not even reaching her shoulders, and held it in place with a butterfly shaped clip. She was more feminine than her twin and rather enjoyed helping around the house when she wasn't studying to become a nurse. Though she was also a little sensitive about the fact she was the only woman in the family who wasn't a "titty monster" as Ichigo's friend Keigo once so crassly put it. She wasn't flat but, unlike her twin and mothers, she could actually see her feet. In contrast, her twin Karin had long black hair that she kept tied in a messy bun atop her head. She was also an outspoken tomboy who preferred playing sports. She'd also inherited their mothers' busts.

And of course, everyone in the family could see spirits. Between both mothers, it was basically inevitable their children would have spiritual powers. Though, technically the true weirdness of the Kurosaki family, at least as far as others would be concerned, wasn't their alleged spiritual abilities or that the children had two mothers rather than a mother and father. It was the ridiculous amount of incest they practiced and how their flimsy excuses somehow worked. No, it wasn't weird that Masaki preferred to do yoga nude in the living room when her children were there. She didn't have a lot of time to exercise and they were perfectly willing to correct her form. Nor was there anything odd about every woman in the household needing him to shave their pubic hair; most of them couldn't see what they were doing without at least two mirrors and he didn't want Yuzu to feel left out. That he gave them happy endings afterwards was just common sense. It wasn't until one memorable occasion where they absolutely should have been caught that the family realized it was more than just people being unusually gullible.

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"I brought you boys some lemonade," Masaki offered as she walked into Ichigo's room, carrying a tray with three tall glasses of lemonade plus a half full pitcher for refills. The fact she clearly wasn't wearing a top under her apron went without comment by Keigo and Mizuiro as they took their glasses. It was pretty hot today after all.

Ichigo took his own glass with a smile. "Thanks mom." He'd seen her in similar dress and far less too many times to even blink at what she was or wasn't wearing. As such, it wouldn't be until later that he realized that regardless of how hot the weather was, others should question a woman greeting guests wearing only a pair of shorts and an apron. Nonetheless, no one did and the trio chatted for a while before the door was kicked in, startling the crap out of all of them.

In the doorway was Ichigo's other mother. Kūkaku was wearing nothing but a towel slung over one shoulder as she yelled at her son, "Ichigo, I need you in the shower right now! This ass isn't gonna take care of itself you know!" Her hand came down and sharply spanked her ass cheek.

"Ichigo, what the hell?!" Keigo dramatically wailed. Though he didn't verbally react, Mizuiro still stared at the nude woman in shock, his eyes wide.

Much like the rest of his family, Ichigo was used to justifying whatever a member of the family happened to be doing at the time. As such, he didn't hesitate to 'explain' what his mother meant. "Sorry guys, mom needs me to wash her back for her so we'll have to hang out later."

"Er, Ichigo? Aren't you a little old to be bathing with your parents still?" Mizuiro questioned.

"Oi!" Kūkaku exclaimed, "How do you expect me to clean myself properly with one arm? Ichigo's got big, strong hands. He'll scrub every last inch of me." The teen nodded, admitting that she had a point. Standing up, he and Keigo left, bidding Ichigo farewell and stepping out the door just in time to miss Masaki stripping nude on her way to join her wife and son "in the shower".

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It was later they learned that Yuzu had manifested a schrift. Unlike Masaki's "Blut", which massively improved the effectiveness of her Blut Vene and Blut Arterie, Yuzu's was dubbed "Normal". While it didn't hide anything unusual happening, it did cause people to shrug off the unusual as normal and uninteresting. Its weakest level was entirely passive and worked wonders so long as someone from the family managed even a half-assed explanation. When she really put effort into it, Yuzu made herself and those she interacted with functionally invisible by dint of being so uninteresting. Masaki called it an SEP field, which led to her explaining a book series she once read. Either way, it made things much easier for the Kurosakis as none of them ever tried too hard to hide their incestuous relationships, either due to apathy, forgetfulness, or an actual exhibitionist kink in Yuzu's case.

Sadly, while Hollows were also affected by Yuzu's power, that didn't mean they weren't still drawn to Karakura Town, especially with an entire family with ridiculous amounts of spirit energy. Suppressing their power helped but couldn't be done if they were sleeping or unconscious and seals were tricky to take off quickly. Thankfully, Tessai agreed to put up a barrier around their house. So long as they were inside, their energy wouldn't seep out. Still, Hollows showed up to Karakura and the current Shinigami posted there was something of a joke. Which is why Karin was irritably removing herself from her mom's face and donning a bone white mask. 'Why did it have to be my turn?! I was almost there! Goddamn no substitutions rule.' She mentally grumbled. This Hollow better be mindless; at least then it would have the excuse of not knowing any better.

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A young woman in heavily modified Shinigami robes patrolled through Karakura Town. With her robes altered to leave her stomach and legs bare, the top tied under her breasts, and the bottom modified into a short skirt, she resembled a schoolgirl more than a Shinigami. Her heavily tanned skin, long nails, and bleached blonde hair with purple tips (tied up in a ponytail) made her look like a delinquent schoolgirl. Or more accurately, a kogyaru. Despite this, she was the 4th Seat of the 8th Division, one Yuyu Yayahara. Currently, she was checking her Soul Pager as she leapt from one telephone pole to the next. She could easily just create platforms of spirit particles to walk on, but this made for a decent way to distract herself from the most boring patrol ever. "Come on! I've been here for three days and I haven't seen a single Hollow yet! They just show up briefly then vanish again! Wasn't this place supposed to be the Jūreichi? You'd think it'd be swarming with Hollows!" Indeed, so far all she'd done was perform a few Konsō but even that number was unusually low for the population of the small city.

So now she was fiddling with her Soul Pager in hopes of finding out what was causing the anomaly. "Man, one of those 12th Division guys could probably figure this out easy. No, no, also no, still no. N- wait. What's that?" An odd reading appeared on her device as she was messing with the various functions. Once she figured out the coordinates, she followed them to a two-story house. It was late enough that the inhabitants were likely asleep, not that it mattered to her either way; they wouldn't be able to see her awake any more than they could asleep. So without another thought, Yuyu casually jumped through the outside wall, phasing through it to enter the home, not noticing the barrier she passed through as she did so.

Immediately upon entering, the young Shinigami found herself slammed to the ground by several immense spiritual pressures, all of which were far too close for comfort. 'Wha- what is this? How could they have snuck up on me like that?' So focused was she on the spiritual signatures that she didn't take in the room around her: Not that she'd landed inside a bedroom, nor that the lights were on, or that the king-sized bed was occupied by five naked humans who had been exceedingly busy just a few seconds ago. Someone turned Yuyu over so she was facing the ceiling. Or rather, she would be if a rather leggy teen wasn't crouched directly over her.

Sweaty, naked, and irritated that her turn with her younger brother had been interrupted, Yuzu was nonetheless worried about the woman on her mothers' bedroom floor. "Are you alright, Shinigami-san?" With everyone's spirit energy back under control, the blonde woman seemed to be breathing easier, though her eyes were still wide and unfocused.

"New one huh? Guess someone realized the last guy was doing a shit job," Kūkaku offered as she stepped back from her wife's mouth, Urahara's handy little invention bobbing cheerfully between her legs. Though both of them had used it plenty, Masaki enjoyed taking more than giving, so her wife tended to wear the device more than herself.

To Kūkaku's surprise, when the Shinigami on the floor looked at her, her eyes sparked with recognition. "Captain Shiba?!"

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"Bankai." An eruption of red spirit energy engulfed Ichigo while kicking up a cloud of rubble, hiding him from Zommari's line of sight. However, the Espada was not worried. The Shinigami didn't stand a chance against his Sonido and he hadn't even used Resurreccion yet. Such thoughts were vindicated when an arrow of red spirit energy flew out of the cloud yet was easily dodged with a single use of Sonido. But before Zommari could boast about Ichigo's failed attack, hundreds, nay thousands more arrows launched themselves at incredible speed. Zommari found himself constantly blocking even while he ruthlessly abused Sonido, but it was like trying to dance between raindrops. Worse, each arrow had a chain trailing behind it, one strong enough to resist his attempts to simply cut through it. Even appearing behind where Kurosaki had previously been facing didn't help; the arrows kept firing in every direction at once. The only upside was that the sheer number seemed to have come at the cost of power. The arrows that got through hurt, but the damage they did was rather minor.

However, eventually the chains radiating from the Shinigami's location cut Zommari off, leaving him with nowhere to dodge to. At that moment, the arrows finally stopped, the dust settled, and Ichigo was visible once more. His black bow, previously shaped rather like a crescent moon, had become more complex with the center forming an elongated manji. Meanwhile, the upper half of his Shihakusho was more tightly fitted with a high collar white jacket over top of it and a pair of black gloves on his hands. Forming another arrow, Ichigo nocked it against his Bankai, Mugetsu Nagareboshi, and took aim. "Sorry, I don't have time to keep playing these games with you," He insincerely apologized. The arrow shone with incredible power even as Zommari levitated his Zanpakutō, seeking to unleash his Resurreccion and take control of his opponent before he could attack. It was for naught. The moment Ichigo released his arrow, the projectile vanished from Zommari's senses. He didn't even have enough time to contemplate this before the attack flew straight through him, obliterating most of his body, digging a trench in the floor, and blasting out the wall behind him.

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AN: So in this little ficlet, Karin is the one who inherited Hollow powers as she's the oldest child; her mask is the same as White's. Yuzu's powers are more akin to Uryū's Brave Souls skin where he's a melee fighter. And Ichigo's Shinigami powers are based off the alternate universe Brave Souls skin where he's got Quincy powers (Idgaf what canon says, Ichigo doesn't have Quincy powers. He used them exactly once ever and that was Blut Vene, which could've just as easily been Hierro) with his Bankai based off the seventh anniversary AU skin. His Bankai should translate to "Moonless Sky, Shooting Star". Yuyu was chosen by lottery.