Gary Stuess, Legendary Pirate
Gary Stuess was a pirate.
And a dang good pirate, if he had to stay so himself.
He had attained everything he had ever wanted - Money, Fame (infamy), Power, Women, and Treasures. And all in very short order, too.
Nobody and nothing could stand in his way. His crew too, "The Oppy Ess-Eye Osees", was a motley gathering of the most badass and strongest pirates on the High Seas, which nobody could stand up to.
And he himself, the captain, rarely ever faced up against any real threats. No challenge, no obstacle was too much for him! Anytime he ever even found himself remotely challenged, he would easily break through his old walls without any struggle and suddenly awaken to a new incredible power that would overpowered any challenger foolish enough to try him.
Yes, he and his crew were living the good life. The life that any pirate, nay, every pirate, would envy.
...That is, until that very fateful day...
When they encountered The Forgotten Admiral.
He came, like a flash of lightning, out of nowhere. Or perhaps more accurately, like a sudden bout of stomach cramps.
In one instance, he was nowhere in sight. And the next, he was onboard their ship, aboard their poopdeck.
It only took one instance. One instance, and the life of Gary Stuess and that of his pirate crew would never be the same again.
It was over faster than one could open their pottymouth.
In one instance, they were going about their pirate lives as normal. And in the very next, they were covered in a stormy vortex of deep, brown sludge. And before any of them had the time to process what had just happened to them, the admiral had gotten his hands around their captain, as well. His thick and gooey hand wrapped around the captain's mouth, as if to suffocate him to death.
The captain could barely bring himself to say or do anything, such was the overwhelming presence of the great admiral. Opening his mouth, he could barely spit out a few futile and very bitter words of resistance, "I...I'll get you back for this humiliation!"
Unfortunately for him, he would never be able to make good on that promise. Because he would pass out long before than, and half-suffocate beneath the admiral's deep sludge.
Somehow, in some way, the crew and their captain managed to escape, however. The admiral was apparently not as tough or as fast as he might seem - or as reputation of marine admirals would lead one to believe.
But nevertheless, the damage had been done.
Neither the pirate captain, Gary Stuess, nor his crew, would ever be the same again.
Gary, once one of the most confident and fearsome pirates on the High Seas, became a blubbering mess. The pirate captain, once so feared for having created his own pirate empire and having been able to eat 10 devil fruits in a row without exploding, was now nothing more than a pathetic sobbing mess of a man, too afraid to even leave his own home. His whole large harem of women left him, his money easily plundered from him by far less competent pirates. And of course, his wife, Mary Suess, also left him as soon as she saw that he had no more money to spend on her, either.
Not even his memories and lifetime of experience from another world before reincarnation had come into any use.
His once mighty empire that had taken so long to build had come crumbling down in what felt like a mere fortnight.
Much of his crew were no better off.
Vice-Captain "Origidea Donutsteel" had become something of a vegetable following the days of the accident.
Sitting on his porch, day after day, only staring into the distance with a thousand-year stare, deep out into the ocean, as he slowly withered away without sustenance. Every time a stray pooch would pass by, he would start screaming and crying, craddling his head in-between his hands, as if afraid of the approach of some unknown calamity.
One Survivor of the crew would later go on to write a seasonal Haiku about the incident:
"Brown oh Brown,
Like a Maelstrom of it,
Flushing our crew."
(Incidentally, he would later go on to become a renown and much sought-after poet in the New World.)
Years after the incident, the pirate captain would only have this say about it:
"I never want to face off against that man again! Just the thought of that man and what he did to my crew makes me want to vomit! No, no! That thing - he's not a man, he's a monster!"
When pressed for further details by the fledgling journalist "Small News Morgans", the captain could only start breaking down into a mix of wild sobbing and mad laughing - the face of man clearly driven deep into the depths of insanity (and poop).
It was only a small scoop that not many people took notice of, but the Five Elder Planets would later have that issue of the publication rescinded very shortly afterwards.
There was only one known survivor of the crew to have not been broken down by the incident - a man who would later go to become the resident janitor and plumber of Marine HQ.
"Ahyep," The man would say, when questioned every now and then about his former history as a pirate by the new marine recruits, "That happened. Best thing to have ever happened to me, I'd say!"
(Incidentally, he was also the only one of the crew to have a traceable history and hometown - the other members of the once renown pirate crew, including the captain himself, had no traceable origins whatsoever - as if they had just somehow mysteriously come into existence into the world one day).
...
Elsewhere, in an unknown time and an unknown place
A certain rocky boy, with a newspaper article in his hands, scoffed in disapproval at the newspaper he held in his hands, and at the incredibly low standard of the pirates of the age he found himself living in.
So easily beaten and broken down by mere mediocre marines.
Well, he'd show them.
Some day, he set out to see and he'd gather a crew of real pirates, and show the world the true meaning and the true ferocity of what pirates was truly like.
Not the like of these easily-broken pansies, but the might of Real Pirates.
Grinning, he resolved as much to himself, and swore it on his X-saber!
Gary Stuess Chronicles - END
Author's Notes:
Gary Stuess and Crew, while fighting The Forgotten Admiral: *Incoherent Muffled Screaming*
The one guy on their crew that's native to the One Piece World: "...That's my fetish!"
Well, you can see that their crew really got what was coming, in the end.
Now, at least, their external appearances matches that of their internal character.
