Chapter 82 - Mother Tucker

As the scene show Frank Mallque Jr getting out of the refrigerator with a bag of peas on his head.

Frank Jr

I rock peas on my head,
but don't call me a pea head

Then next scene shows Peter Griffin with lots of bees on his head as the bees cover his hair like an afro.

Peter

Bees on my head
but don't call me a bee head

The next scene show John with a tiny Bruce lee figure on his head while the scene zoom out to show him doing a karate pose.

John

Bruce lee's on my head
but don't call me a lee head

Then next scene show Frank, Peter and Frank Jr in the Griffin bedroom as Frank is feed a bonsie tree with a milk bottle.

Frank, Peter and Frank Jr

Now excuse me please
we got's to get my tree fed

Then next scene shows the Griffin girls standing together as random scene pass by them and then it show Persephone using a sewing machine to make her own clothing

Meg, Persephone and Emily

You wear name brands
and I make my own clothing

Then the next scene shows Stewie with Brian on his lap with him having a loathing face.

Stewie

I hang out with an Dog
who loves self-loathing

"I hate myself!" Brian said at the people.

The next scene show Peter make pancakes until he puts on his face.

Peter

Pancake on my face makes me extra happy

Then next scene show Tyler with a shampoo bottle on his lap as he rubs like a baby.

Tyler

I like shampoo bottles that sit on my lappy

Then the scene show Frank telling the audience that they can't tell him what to do while a cartoon tells him to dance like a monkey. Then he has a lemon throw at him but used it in his beef stew.

Frank

Cuz it's my show you can't tell us whatta do
when life hands me lemons I make beef stew

Then the scene show the family wear burglar masks while they are rocking on a rocking chair couch. Then it show Peter putting a bologna in his left pocket while Lois put cream cheese in Frank's gold locket

Frank

So yo we gotta go it's time for us to rock it
Peter put bologna in his left pocket
Lois just smear some cream cheese in my gold locket

As the scene show Frank talking to the audience that it's his show. Then again with Frank with Frank Jr dancing behind him

Frank and Frank Jr

Cuz it's my show I'm Frank George Mallque
it's my show I'm shmanky jeews shmallques
it's my show I'm
Frank George Mallque.

As the scene ends with Frank Jr and Frank wearing hoody's while holding a sign that said Family Guy Mallque Chronicles Season 5 and it fade to black.

We now join the family goes to the 15 annual air show, as we see them on benches with other people to watch airplanes.

"Oh, this is so exciting." Lois said as she excite to be here with her family.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and see another crash this year." Meg said to Frank as she hugs his arm.

"Yeah, we can get some souvenirs." Frank Jr said in excitement as he wants to get some souvenirs

"Last year, I got an altimeter and a shinbone." Chris explain that Last year, he got an altimeter and a shinbone.

As they are shown to be anxiously awaiting one of the pilots to crash.

As the plane went into a tail dive and the audience gasp in excitement but it survives the fall.

"OH! "The audience said in disappointment

Then the plane was about to crash into a plane hangar garage which made the audience excited but the plane dodge it again.

"OH!" The audience said in disappointment again.

Finally the plane was about to go into a tail spin and this made the audience gasp in excitement again, but the plane manage to stop it and fly upside down on the floor.

"OH!" The audience said in disappointment as they were robbed again of a crash by this stupid pilot.

After a pilot successfully lands, he gets shank by one of the audience and they all cheer for his death.

"Eh, this is boring. I'd rather be home watching that video from The Ring." Frank said as he expresses his boredom, and states that he would rather be home watching "the tape from The Ring" in a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Peter talking to Rachel Keller in the living room. Keller hands Peter Griffin a videotape

"Peter, don't! They say that if you watch that video, you die!" she warned him that if we watches it, he will die seven days later.

"That's a lot of baloney!" Peter rebutted

But as soon as he puts the video on his VCR, a scene from Mannequin is played.

We can build this thing together

Standing strong forever

Nothing's gonna stop us now.

After a scene in the film shows the main characters, Peter is seen with his gaping mouth while laying down on the floor. This cause Peter to die immediately.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the air show as Frank and Peter deciding to stay at the airshow to watch their neighbor, Glenn Quagmire perform.

"Look, there's Mr. Quagmire's plane!" Chris explain as he point out the plane that quagmire was flying in, the French tickler.

"Ladies and gentlemen, keep your eye on the sky for the aerial acrobatics of Captain Glen Quagmire." Announcer said the name of the pilot who next on this show.

As He flies his plane through several billboards (specifically through the crotch of the women's images on the boards), including those for Veronica Mars, The Simple Life.

"Whoa, gonna need some help here." Quagmire said as he dodges On the Record w/ Greta Van Susteren. As he need some help to get through this billboard?

Which he can only do after "getting some help" from a Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey billboard.

"Heh, heh, all right." Quagmire said as he flies threw her crotch at last.

Now we see family walking through the fair until Lois notice someone was missing from their group.

"Wait a minute, where...Oh, my God, where's Stewie and Frank Jr?" Lois said as she know that Frank Jr and Stewie gets lost in the fair.

"Don't panic, Mom, we'll find him. I'm good at picking people out of a crowd." Frank said as he sets up a cutaway about him picking people out of a crowd.

Cutaway

We see Frank in jail as he looks for a criminal.

"Oh God, this is hard. Yeah, can I get a better look at #2?" Frank asked as a fat criminal walked up.

"And uh, #4, could you step forward too?" the fourth criminal complies.

"Okay uh #5 uh look at #1. Look at him like you haven't seen him in a while and you're happy. Okay, not too happy, not too happy. Pull it back, pull it back" the fourth criminal adjusts his smile.

"Okay, and, um, #3, could you say, "Julie, I promise to get back on my feet before the baby arrives?"" Frank suggested.

"Julie, I promise to get back on my feet before the baby arrives" #3 complied.

"He's good." Frank talks to the cop behind him about #3 is very talent.

"Yeah, he's always good, very good." The cop reply's with #3 talent being always good.

"Yeah, yeah, okay, thank you" Frank smiled.

Cutaway Ends

"Stewie? Stewie!" Brian, Emily, John and Tyler shout out for Stewie and Frank Jr names.

Hey, everybody, it's Weenie and the Butt here live at the Quahog Air Show. We're all ready for the Weenie sound-alike contest. Butt said

I don't know, Butt, I don't think they can say my catchphrase, because... "They no funny!" Weenie said as he play a horn blowing sound from his equipment.

Oh, there it is! And if you think you can say that just like Weenie here, you could win 97.1 dollars for the cool weekend ahead. Butt said

As weenie push a button that announces their show.

"We have a butt. We-we have a butt! Cool weekends in the morning, 97.1 FM. Cool weekends in the morning with Weenie and the Butt. WQHG 97.1. - Ninety-seven point one! - Ninety-seven point one! We-we have a Butt! In the morning, cool weekends! FM. Weenie, Weenie, Weenie! And the Butt."

And welcome back. Butt said as he tells his audience that they are back for the show.

"Uh, excuse I-I got to find a lost kid. Can I use your mic?" Brian asked the duo about using their mic.

"That's what she said." Butt said as he made a joke at Brian expenses.

"Whoa, you got Butt-slammed!" Weenie said as he pushes the butt slam sound button.

"Listen, we could really use a hand here." Emily asked them to just help them find the babies.

"That's what he said!" Butt said as he made a joke at Emily expenses.

"Butt slam!" Weenie said as he pushes the butt slam sound button but a monkey sound came out.

"That's Manic Monkey on 97.1." Butt said as he announce the manic monkey sound to 97.1 to his audience.

"Manic Monkey, 97.1! Cool weekends in the morning! All weekend long. Weenie and the Butt! In the morning. In the morning. On the r-r-radio. FM!"

This cause Emily to lose it and she take the microphone.

"Gimme that." Emily said as she past the mic to Brian.

"Stewie Griffin and Frank Mallque Jr, will you two please report to the radio booth. Stewie Griffin and Frank Mallque Jr." Brian said through the microphone to the whole show to call out to the babies.

"Hey, that's quite a voice you've got there. You ever think about doing radio?" the radio-station manager thinks his voice would be good for the radio

"Well, uh, I listen to a lot of radio. Peter and Lois leave the radio on when they go out so I feel like somebody's home." Brian explains to the man that he listens to the radio a lot when he is alone at the house.

"Well, here's my card. Call me if you're interested." the radio-station manager said as he give him his card if he was interested in join.

Meanwhile weenie and the butt found their first contestant in the brown family.

Hey, okay, we've got our first contestant. Let's hear Weenie's catchphrase. Butt

"They no funny." Cleveland said weenie's catchphrase in his tone.

"I think we have a wee-ner." Weenie said as he push a sound button which was a donkey sound.

"And that's Dicky the Punchline Donkey, on 97.1." Butt explain the sound was Dicky the Punchline Donkey on 97.1.

"Dicky the Punchline Donkey, on Cool 97.1! Cool weekends. On the radio! In the-the... morning! FM. Cool. WQHG! Cool weekends! In the morning. On Ninety-seven... Point one. Ninety-seven point one." Announcer people said in a happy tone with cool sound effects.

Now we join Lois, Emily, Chris and Meg in the living room watching TV.

"And now back to Round Table with Al Michaels, Harold Ramis, Ray Romano, and Kermit the Frog." TV Announcer said as the scene show the round table with with Al Michaels, Harold Ramis, Ray Romano, and Kermit the Frog.

In it, they debate various topics.

"These zoning Laws are infringing on the rights of..." Kermit the Frog explains about zoning laws until Harold Ramis interrupts.

"Uh, if I might interrupt for a minute, I'd like to point out..." Harold Ramis said as he about to point out something until al Michaels interrupts

"You've had your time, let someone else speak." Al Michaels tells Harold that he had his time and let someone else speak.

"I haven't said a word, it was that guy." Harold Ramis said as he points to Ray Romano.

"Don't look at me! I can't get a word in edgewise." Ray Romano exclains that he never gets a word in edgewise.

"Well then who the hell's been talking this whole time?" Kermit the Frog said as they speak over each other so much that they forget what they were actually discussing.

Now back to the living room as the doorbell rings and Lois answers it. It turn out to be Thelma Griffin aka Peter's mom.

"Thelma!" Lois said hello to her mother in law.

"Hello, darling." Thelma said hello to her family as she hugs Frank Jr when he appears.

"Oh, my God, what a pleasant surprise." Frank Jr said hello as his great grandma gave a hug/ gift of toys to play with.

"Mom, what are you doing here?" peter asked her on whys she is here and he is jealous that Frank Jr has new toys.

"Peter, I left your father." Thelma announced she has left her husband Francis Griffin.

"What?" Peter, Frank Jr and Frank said in shocked

"Wait, wait, wait, and hang on a second." John said as he takes Tyler outside as they celebrate for Frances losing something in his life.

"We never see you, and then you finally come visit us and you drop a bombshell like this? This is just like what happened at the Peanuts reunion." Frank said as he sets up cutaway about the peanuts reunion being a bombshell like this moment.

Cutaway

We see the Peanuts gang partying but Charlie Brown enters with tattoos on his arm and he brings in a prostitute.

"Stupid song! What are you looking at? Yeah, it's me. Your old punching bag, Charlie Brown. Everybody wishes Snoopy was here and Woodstock? Everybody wishes Snoopy and Woodstock was here? Well, they're dead! And guess what? I sold Snoopy the junk. That's right, he got it from me! I swear I didn't know how strong it was. And now he's dead! They're both dead! I don't give a crap about Woodstock, but Snoopy... Get off me, you skank!" Charlie Brown cried as he pushed his woman away.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the living room with peter, Frank Jr and Thelma.

"I can't believe you left Dad." Peter said in shocked on why his mother left his father.

"I have needs that he didn't satisfy, and I'm still a young woman Peter. 82 is the new 74. I'm putting my fine ass back on the market." Thelma explain that she has needs that he didn't satisfy. So he decide to put her fine ass back on the market.

"Gross Great grandma, just gross!" Frank Jr explain in disgust.

"Boy, this is really gonna upset my evil brother Thaddeus." Peter explain that this will upset his evil brother Thaddeus griffin.

"Pops, Who in the hell is Thaddeus?" Frank asked his father in law on who is Thaddeus.

Near the entrance to the piano room was evil version of peter wearing top hat and tuxedo with mustache.

"Nya! This will surely affect my inheritance. Nya!" Thaddeus declares this new event will surely affect his inheritance. He has a habit of rubbing his mustache between his fingers and saying "Nyah!". As he leave the room in huff.

This cause the Mallque family to freak out about what just happened.

We now join Brian, John, Tyler and Emily in their own NPR-style radio show called "The Lunch Hour" which Brian intends to be purely intellectual.

"Hi, we're Brian Griffin, John Watt, Tyler bitto and Emily Griffin and you're listening to The Lunch Hour, serving up food for the mind. John introduce the show their hosts.

"Today's entree is politics. What's on your mind today? The governor's budget, stem cell research? Give us a hot spoonful of your opinion." Tyler explains about what the shows about.

"Ok, we have a question from Quahog. Caller, you're on The Lunch Hour. Can I take your order?" Brian talks on the radio.

"Yes, uh, I'll have a big helping of the pretentious crap." Stewie said as he stir things up by calling in and making rude comments.

This cause Brian to hang up on him.

"Whoa, sometimes the, uh, crazy ones get through. Okay, we have Rose, from Cranston, on the phone. Welcome, Rose, can I take your order?" Brian said as he call someone name rose and asked her order of advice.

"Um, yes, that turkey, that.. that raw turkey that you ate off the counter last week that got Lois mad, when you pooped that out was the timer still in there?" Stewie talk as "Rose" about that raw turkey that Brian ate off the counter last week that got Lois mad, when he pooped that out was the timer still in there.

This cause Emily to hang up on stewie this time as they are out of time for their show.

"And we're out of time. This has been The Lunch Hour. Join us next week, when our guest will be Gore Vidal. And remember, life is full of entrées, so don't fill up on bread." Emily said as she ends the show.

"I'm going to throw you now to Weenie and The Butt in the afternoon." John said as he pass the hour to weenie and the butt in the afternoon.

"Weenie and the Butt! Ninety-seven point one! In the afternoon. In the afternoon. Oh, my God. WQHG! Turn it on and rip the knob off! You're listening to the radio!" announcement said about the next show.

That's when the radio station manager came by and it made Brian nervous.

"Sir, I'm very sorry. That-that was this guy I know. He thinks he's hilarious." Brian tries to explain what happen on the show today.

"He is hilarious! I was on my way in here to cancel your show, but the banter you did with that guy, well, as we say in the radio business, "If you put that on the radio, people will listen to it!" Make him part of the show." The radio-station manager said that it's was fine but he wants stewie to be a part of the show.

"Oh, you-you don't want him. He's not really a professional like us." John and Tyler said that stewie is not professional like the group.

"Listen, you get that kid in here. We need more laughs on the show." The radio-station manager said that they need him here because the show need more laughs.

"Well, I guess he couldn't be any worse than Tim McCarver is at sportscasting."Brian talks about Stewie being his radio co-host is not worse than Tim McCarver is at sportscasting as a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Tim McCarver announcing sports by sportcasting a baseball game.

"In my view, as good as the Yankees were in the first half of this game, that's how as bad they've been now" Tim said.

Cutaway Ends

We now join Lois, Meg and Thelma at the quahog community center for a single mixer.

"Poor Peter, I know he's having a hard time with this whole divorce thing. I feel kind of guilty that I'm here looking for a date." Thelma said as she feel nervous since she know that peter and frank jr are having a hard with what she did.

"Thelma, stop that. You have a right to be happy. And-and there's a lot of great people here. Why don't you mingle?" Lois said as she tries to cheer her mother in law up.

Until quagmire shows up.

"Oh my God, Lois, you single now?!" Glenn Quagmire questions her if she is single.

"No, Glenn, I'm here with Thelma." Lois Griffin explains that she is her for her mother in law.

"Who's Thelma?" Glenn Quagmire asked her on who is Thelma.

"This is Thelma." Lois Griffin said as she point her as she is behind quagmire.

This cause quagmire to freak out.

"Ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeuuuuwwwwwwwwww!" Glenn Quagmire said in disgust as he runs away.

"Whoa, quagmire has a type that he doesn't like?" Meg thought as she turn to her grandmother.

I don't know if this is gonna work, girls. I'm a little shy at these types of things. Thelma said to lois and meg that she is shy at these types of things.

"Oh, you can overcome shyness. Think of the spider in Charlotte's Web who had to overcome Tourette's." Meg said about the spider in Charlotte's Web who had to overcome Tourette's in a cutaway.

Cutaway

We see Fern walking up to her farm, where Charlotte writes the word "whore" on her spider web.

Cutaway Ends

Now back at the quahog community center with the girls.

"I don't know, girls. I haven't met a single interesting person." Thelma telling the girls that she hasn't met a single interesting person.

That's until she meets local news anchor Tom Tucker.

"Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker trying to get back on my feet after having my ass handed to me by my bitch of an ex-wife." Tom tucker introduce himself and explain why he is here!

"I'm Thelma. I'll just be going." Thelma introduce herself to tom while telling him that hse is leaving.

Can I get you some punch? Tom Tucker asked her if he can get her some punch for her when she returns.

"Oh no, see, if you're one of ten million Americans like me..." Thelma explains that she is old and shows a cutaway about it.

Cutaway

[Scene cuts to a man in a chair]

"Like me" Man 1 said.

[Scene cuts to a woman on a tennis court]

"Like me" Woman 1 added.

Cutaway Ends

The scene cuts back to the community center with Thelma and tom.

"...with a bladder control problem, punch just goes right through you." Thelma explains that her bladder control problem is that punch just goes through her.

As Quagmire comes in and he still gross out by Thelma.

"Ewwwwwww!" Quagmire said in disgust until Meg bitch slaps him in the face to go away.

Now we return to the Mallque/griffin house as lois was in the kitchen until peter plus frank jr arrive to see her clean the dishes.

"I didn't hear you come in last night. Did you have a good time at your prostitute's convention?" Peter asked Lois about how she ruin his life by pimping out his mom.

As Frank Jr nodded in agreement.

"Peter, I was just trying to help your mother meet some new friends." Lois explain to them that she is trying to help Thelma meet some new friends.

"Grandma Lois, you're too nosy. Like that waiter at that restaurant." Frank Jr said as Peter nodded in agreeemtn with that statement as it show a cutaway of that day.

Cutaway

We see Peter, Frank Jr and Lois at a restaurant.

"And who had the prime rib?" the waiter wondered.

"I hardly think that's any of your business" Peter said.

Yeah, you noisy bruiser. Frank Jr said in agreement.

Cutaway Ends

We now join peter near the guest room door as he tries to convince her mom to go bck with Frances while Frank, john and Tyler tries to stop him.

"Come on, Mom, you can't stay in bed all day. You got to call dad and get back together with..." peter said as he opens the door to see something shocking

"Holy crap!" Frank, john and Tyler shouted in shocked as they saw Thelma naked in bed with tom tucker the new anchorman.

"We'll have more on these new developments after this." Tom Tucker said as the scene fades to black.

Now we join them in the living room and they are in bathrobes.

"I can't believe what I saw in there! You were messing around in what was basically my first apartment!" Peter said to Tom Tucker, about Thelma.

"Peter, you should be happy for her. She's just having fun." Tom Tucker explains that Thelma was having fun and peter should be happy for her.

"I don't see what the problem is, Tom is a wonderful man." Thelma explain to peter that tom tucker is a wonderful man.

That's when Frank comes in a news anchor.

"I don't see the problem either, but let's go to Ollie Williams for the In-Depth Analysis. Ollie?" Frank asked Ollie for the In-Depth Analysis.

"Lady's old!" Ollie Williams said as he appears in the living room.

"Thanks, Ollie, back to you, Peter." Tom Tucker said thanks to Ollie and talks to peter.

"Tom Tucker, I forbid you to see my mother." Peter tell tom that he forbids him to see his mom again.

"Peter, you can't talk to Tom that way. He won a local Emmy for his work with the retarded." Thelma explain to peter that tom won a local Emmy for his work with the retards.

"They certainly wanted to hug me. Maybe in time, you will, too. Thanks for watching, I'm Tom Tucker. Good night." Tom Tucker said as the living room fades to black while he talks to Thelma about the show.

Now we join Brian with stewie and Frank Jr in the radio station.

"All right, look, let's get one thing straight, Stewie and Frank Jr. The only reason you're both here is that my boss ordered me to bring you two on. All right, this is my show, and it's a serious, intellectual hour of discussion and I want to keep it that way." Brian explain to them that the only reason they're both here is that his boss ordered him to bring them in. All right, this is my show, and it's a serious, intellectual hour of discussion and I want to keep it that way

"Hey, no problem." Frank Jr said its okay since he know the rulers and stewie nodes in agreement.

"All right, in three, two, one..." the station director said as he signals Brian to start his show.

"This is The Lunch Hour with your host..." Brian said as he about introduce the show until he was interrupted by stewie.

"Hey, what's up Quahog?! From the station that reaches the beaches, you're listening to Dingo, Monkey and The Baby!" stewie introduce the shows new name and press a sound button.

"Dingo, Monkey and the Baby. 97.1 Quahog! Oh, baby!" the shows new jingle announce the show.

Until Brian and Emily interrupts them.

"What the hell are you doing?" Brian and Emily asked in anger on what are they doing.

"Wha-What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Frank Jr asked stewie on why he is doing this.

"They're just wacky sounds, you know to liven things up." Stewie said as he signals Frank Jr to press a button.

"D-i-n-g-o! (barking noise)D-D-Dingo! Dingo and the...(saiyan transformation sound) and the…(baby whining sound)Baby! Oh, sexy girlfriend!" the annoument soud is heard and it was wacky.

Now we are back at the Mallque/Griffin house in the living room as tome and Thelma were watching TV. While peter and Frank were spying on them from the kitchen door.

"Peter, would you stop spying on your mother's date?" Lois asked peter to stop spying on his mother's date.

"I can't stand it anymore, Lois. I'm going to put a stop to this." Peter said as he is attempting to sabotage his mother's new relationship.

Meanwhile in the living room we see tom and Thelma making out until the phone rings and Thelma answers it.

"Hello?" Thelma said hello on the phone.

"Hello. Yes. Hello? This is Tom Tucker's personal physician, Dr. T and the Woman. Um, could you tell Tom his contagious penis cancer medicine is ready?" Peter Griffin Calling his mother by faking being tom's personal physician and to tell tom that his contagious penis cancer medicine is ready.

"Is this Peter?" Thelma asked him that he is peter, her son.

"Uh, no, it's, uh, uh, Lois. Uh, Lois, don't crank call my mother. I'm gonna have to pinch you for that." Peter said as he starts pinching Lois

"Ow, Peter, don't pinch me!" Lois asked him to stop pinching her.

But Peter continues to pinch her while Frank Face palms himself.

"Ow! Ow... stop it! Knock it off, damn it! Cut it out." Lois said as she getting more annoyed.

"Maybe I'll tickle you, huh, how about that?!" Peter said as he starts tickling Lois.

"No, don't." Lois said as she being tickled and begins to giggle.

While Frank just shakes his head in annoys.

"Here you go, tickle, tickle." Peter said as he continues to tickle her.

"Cut it out! Stop it! I mean it! I mean it!" Lois said as he hits Peter in the head with a frying pain and he winces in pain.

This shocked both Frank and peter.

"Well, I told you to stop!" Lois reply to them that she did say stop.

"I tickle you, you hit me in the head with a frying pan?!" Peter said as he explain how wrong Lois is by hitting him with a frying pan.

"I told you to stop!" Lois reply that she did asked him to stop.

"I taste blood!" Peter said as he taste his own blood.

"Well, there's a lot of it."Lois said about the blood until Frank hits Lois in the head with a frying pain and she winces in pain.

"I hit peter, you hit me in the head with a frying pan with karma?!" Lois said as she explain how wrong Frank is by hitting him with a frying pan.

"He just tickle you!" Frank explain that he just tickled her and she didn't need the fryoing pan to stop him.

"I taste blood!" Lois said as she can now taste her own blood as well.

"Well, there's a lot of it." Frank said as his copy Lois tone voice with the same tone.

We now join Peter sitting outside the front door of the Mallque/Griffin house as the door open to see tom confronting peter.

"Hey there, champ." Tom said hi to peter but he didn't respond.

"Peter, I know this is all a big adjustment for you, but all I want is for your mom to be happy." Tom tells peter that this is all a big adjustment for him, but all he want is for his mom to be happy.

"Well, why can't she go back with my dad?" Peter asked on why she can stay with his dad.

"Well, I can't answer that, but I'm gonna do my best to make her even happier than those kids on Three Wishes with Amy Grant.' Tom said that he gonna do his best to make her happy as he sets up a cutaway about kids on three wishes with Amy grant.

Cutaway

"What's your wish, Billy?" Amy Grant asked a boy in a wheelchair.

"Can you cure my cancer?" Billy wondered.

"No, but how about if Spider-Man gives you a $50 gift card to Sears?!" Amy offered as a morbidly obese man dressed up in a tight Spider-Man costume appears.

"He-here, get well" the man said in an unenthusiastic tone.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to Peter and tom outside the house.

"You know, I heard a rumor about you today?" Tom tell peter that he heard a rumor about him.

"You did?" Peter said in shocked.

"Yep. I heard you like milk shakes." Tom said about peter liking milk shakes.

"Oh boy, do I!" Peter said in excitement.

"Let's go get ourselves a shake, huh?" Tom said as he leading peter to ice cream shop for a milk shake.

Until Chris and the boys busted outside when they heard the word milk shake.

"I wanna get a milkshake too." Chris reply as the boys nodded in agreement on wanting to go get themselves a milkshake.

"Too bad. Go get your own father." Peter reply as he is acting like a kid again while walking toward the car with tom until Frank drive by with the family car with Chris and the boy inside it.

"We already did, so long suckers!" Frank shouted as he and the boy drive away to get a milk shake while peter and tom look sad as they don't have a ride.

We now join Brian and the trio at the quahog mine-mart as he is buying smokes.

"Hey, Carl, can I get a carton of smokes, please?" Brian asked for carton of smokes while Emily shakes her head in discuss.

Sure, Brian. Carl said as he takes out a carton of smokes for Brian.

This made Emily and the boys have an idea to make sure Brian doesn't smoke.

"And uh, what's that little rubber mailman you got behind there?" Emily asked about the little rubber mailman that was behind Carl and on a shelf.

"Oh, you like that, huh?" Carl said as he takes it out to show the kids and this made brian forget about his smokes.

"Yeah, does that thing squeak?" John said as their plan was working.

"Yeah, it does." Carl said as he made the toy squeak and it made Brian happy.

"All right, I'll take that, and I'm gonna hurry home and show it to Lois." Brian said as he was done buying his stuff until someone recognized him.

"Hey, I'd recognize that voice anywhere! You're Dingo, that dog that plays all those fart sounds on the radio! Awesome!" Random guy said about Brian that he was really happy to see him.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, sorry about that, the show's gotten a little lowbrow." Brian said as his apologies about the show getting a little lowbrow lately.

"What are you talking about?! It's, like, the most hilarious show ever!" the random guy reply as he tells Brian that his show is hilarious.

That's when a random women come up to them.

"Hey, could I get your autograph?" the random women asking Brian for an autograph.

This was when upon discovering that people love the new show, this made Brian and the kids really happy.

"My... really? Wow, you're... gosh, you're making me feel more important than a dwarf among midgets." Brian said as he set up a cutaway about a dwarf among midgets.

Cutaway 9

We see four midgets at a store.

"Hey, can you reach the Crispix?" midget 1 asked.

"Yes, I can" midget 2 smiled.

Cutaway 9 Ends

We now join Peter, Tom and Thelma are at a Burger King.

"How awesome is this: going out to dinner with my new family?" Peter replies on how awesome this is, he going out to dinner with his new family.

"Hi, can I help you?" Counter girl asked the family on what they want to eat.

"I want, I want that one!" Peter said as he is point something that he wants from the menu.

"All right, hold on, we'll get you that one." Tom reply that they will get him what he wants.

"I want straws!" Peter asked for straws.

"We'll get you a straw. You want a Kid's Meal?" Tom Tucker said that he get him a straw and then he asked him for a kid's meal.

"No!" Peter reply no.

"Do you mean, "yes"?" Tom asked peter that he mean yes.

"Yes!" Peter reply yes.

"Okay, one Kid's Meal. And what'll you have, honey?" Tom asked for a kid meal and then he asked Thelma on what she wants from burger king.

"I'll have a fish sandwich and a Sanka." Thelma asked for a fish sandwich and a Sanka

"Oh, he's adorable". Counter girl said about peter being in Tom tucker's arms.

"Say hi to the nice lady, Peter." Tom asked peter to say hi to the nice counter girl.

But peter hides his head behind tom's.

"Oh, he's shy." Tom Tucker reply to the counter girl that peter is shy by new people.

As the song give me the simple life by Tony Bennett by in the background, we now see peter being push on a swing by his mom and tom, until the swing set breaks on him. Next we join them giving peter a Band-Aid in the kitchen, then Thelma kisses his bruised nigh. Then tom puts peter down and rubs his head, while peter runs happy out of the kitchen.

Tony Bennett I don't believe in fretting and grieving

Why mess around with stride?

We now see peter learning how to ride a bike by his mom and tom, until the bike breaks on him and scorched his butt. Next we join them giving peter a Band-Aid on his butt in the kitchen, then Thelma kisses his bruised butt while pulling up his pants. Then tom puts peter down and rubs his head, while peter runs happy out of the kitchen.

Tony Bennett I never was cut out to step and strut out

Give me the simple life

Then we join Frank Jr, peter and tom in the kitchen as he and Frank Jr learning how to use the potty together. When peter and Frank Jr get off their seats, they see that they did it. They hop in excitement and then them high-five Tom for helping them out.

Tony Bennett Some find it pleasant dining on pheasants

Those things roll off my knife

Then we see tom and Thelma holding hand with peter as they hoist peter in the air while walking on the road. While Frank Jr ride on peter's shoulders.

Tony Bennett Just serve me tomatoes and mashed potatoes

Give me the simple life.

The last scene show the couple on the bench, caring for each other while Peter and Frank Jr were sleep on their strollers with beer and soda cans on the floor right next to them. While peter has tie shirt with words daddy's lit stinker, while Frank Jr has his tie shirt saying Grandpa lit pimp!

As the scene fades to black.

We now join peter, Lois and Frank watching TV in the living room.

"We now return to the Sunday afternoon movie, Masturbator and Commander." The man on the TV said as it announce the program that the family is watching on TV.

The scene show to pirate ships blow cannons at each other, the next scene show a crewmember going down the deck to find his captain in the restroom.

"Captain, the enemy ship has opened fire on us." The crewmember said to the captain that the enemy ship has fired cannon on their ship.

"I'll be right out!" Captain said as he is masturbating behind the door.

"Sir, we've already lost ten men." The crewmember exclaim that they have already lost ten men of their crew.

"Hang on!" Captain said as he still is masturbating inside the bathroom with nobody notice.

"Sir, don't you think we should return fire?" The crewmember asked him if they should return fire on the enemy.

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead and do that, and I'll-I'll meet you up there in like five minutes." Captain said as he give his crew mate the okay and he be there like in five minutes after he is done masterbating.

Now back to Peter and Lois in the living room.

"Peter, I've never seen you so happy." Lois asked peter on how she never seen peter so happy.

"Well, Lois, I never realized what it was like to have a real dad. I mean, my own dad was such a ballbuster, I-I guess I just always thought that was normal. But Papa Tom is so different. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a real family, you know?" Peter explains to his wife that he never realized what it was like to have a real dad. His own dad was such a ballbuster and he always thought that was normal. But with Tom is so different. For the first time in his life, he feel like he has a real family now.

"That's great pops, but I mean it's not just going through the motions like you do around here." Frank said as he congratulate him for finally able to move past this problem.

As tom enters the living room with a DVD.

"Hey, Champ. You wanna watch Chicken Little?" Tom Tucker asked peter if he want to watch Chicken Little on the DVD.

"He-He-He-He-He-He! Yeah!" Peter said in excitement as he laughs with joy.

"And what does a chicken say?" Tom Tucker asked him on what does the chicken say.

"MOO!" Peter reply with a cow noise.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Why Not?" Tom Tucker said as he laughs it off.

As peter rush toward the stairs to call out his mom.

"Come on, Ma!" Peter shouts for Thelma to come down.

But they notice Thelma going down stairs with a suitcase.

"Hey, what gives with the suitcase?" Tom Tucker asked her on why the suitcase.

"Tom, there's no easy way to say this, I'll just come right out with it. I'm leaving." Thelma said as she suddenly breaks up with Tom.

"Leaving? Why?!" Tom Tucker asked in painic.

"Tommy, this has been great, but I wasn't looking for anything long term. I just needed someone to help clear all the bats out of my plumbing." Thelma saying she just wanted a change to get back on her feet. Also about some bats in her plumbing.

As we see two bat hang around near the front door.

"What do we do now, Bill?" Tim the Bat asked his friend on what can they do now.

"We write, Tim. We write our story."Bill the Bat said that they will write their story as they flies away out of the window.

Goodbye, Dear. Thelma said as she kiss tom on the cheek and walks away.

This cause Peter is initially upset.

IT'S ALL MY FAAAUUUULLLLLTTTTT! Peter shouted in sadness as he run upstairs to his bedroom and fall into his bed.

Until we spotted Thaddeus outside in a hot air balloon.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Nyah!" Thaddeus said as he laughs at his victory while nyahing.

But suddenly he was jump by Frank, John, Tyler and Emily.

"We got you now Thaddeus!" John reply as he tie his legs.

"And we are going to put you somewhere that you'll never escape!" Tyler said as he tied Thaddeus's hands.

"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!" Emily laughs at him for ruin his father change at new family.

"NO-O-O-O-O-O-O!" Thaddeus reply as he was being dragged away.

We now join peter still sad about the break up in the bedroom at night as tom tries to help him get through this.

"I know it hurts right now, Peter, but we'll get through this. You're still my little buddy, right?" Tom said as he asked him if he is still his little buddy.

"Yeah. Peter reply yes under his pillow.

"Then we'll be okay. Good night, buddy." Tom said as he kiss peter goodnight.

"Good night, Papa Tom." Peter said good night to tom under his pillow.

"Good night, son. Good night, Frank Jr, Good night, Lois." Tom said goodnight to peter, Frank Jr and Lois.

"Good night." Lois reply as tom leaves the room. As Frank Jr turn to peter for his opinion.

"Grandpa, this is a little strange." Frank Jr tells peter that this relationship with tom tucker is weird for him and the family.

"No stranger than when Darth Vader was a meter maid." Peter said as he set up a cutaway about Darth Vader being a meter maid

Cutaway

We see Darth Vader as a meter made.

"Oh come on, man, cut me a break! I was only in there for 5 minutes!" a man shouted as his car got a ticket.

"I already started writing the ticket" Darth explained.

"You know, I make your annual salary in a week. Are you happy doing what you're doing? Cause you're pathetic!" the man left angrily.

Darth becomes depressed and he goes home to shower and be in bed with his wife.

"I got to do it, Karen. I just... I-I got to take a shot. That guy, that guy just got to me today" Darth explained to his wife Karen in bed.

"You do whatever you think is right, and I'll support it" Karen supported her husband with a smile as she massaged his back.

Later, Darth visits a bank, where he asks for a loan.

"I don't really understand it. What do you want this loan for?" the banker questioned.

"I want to build a giant space station that can destroy a planet" Darth explained.

"I don't know that would be a good investment on our end" the banker wondered.

"I mean, I want to open a sports bar!" Darth changed his mind.

Cutaway Ends

We join ourselves at WQHG-FM (97.1 MHz.) the local talk radio station in Quahog, Rhode Island. However, Brian decides to play along with Stewie's idea to have fun on his show.

"Good morning, Quahog! You're here with Dingo..." Brian said as he wearing sun glasses and a Hawaii shirt with a green stripes tie.

As stewie press the dog growling sound button to make the noise.

"The saiyan…." Frank Jr said as he press the Ozaru roar button to make the sound.

"And the Baby..." stewie said as he press the baby gurgles button to make the sound.

"And if you're thinking about changing the station..." Frank Jr signal stewie to press a wacky sound button.

"Don't... you do it!" The man on the tape said.

"Today, we got Homeless Hank from the Dumpster out back with us." Stewie explain that today show that they got Homeless Hank from the Dumpster out back with them.

Until Brian gets an idea.

"Hey, I got an idea, How about the first three women willing to come down and have sex with Hank get free boob jobs courtesy of Dr. John Viener?" Brian asked if the first three women willing to come down and have sex with Hank get free boob jobs courtesy of Dr. John Viener.

"Are you reading my mind, dudes?" Frank Jr asked Brian if he was reading his mind on that idea.

"Let's go to the phones." Stewie said as point to Brian to go to the phones.

"Go ahead caller, you're on with Dingo, the Saiyan and The Baby." Brian said as his press the baby gurgles button to make the sound while he talks to his caller.

"Is this Dingo?" The female asked him if he is dingo.

"Yes, honey, what's your name?" Brian reply with yeas and he asked her for her name.

"Sindy, with an "S."!" Sindy reply her name with a slutty tone.

"Ooh, hot." Brian reply that she sound hot on the phone.

"Oh, yeah, that's hot, that is hot." Frank Jr said as he agrees on the caller being hot.

"Tell me something, Sindy, how'd you like to come down here and get naked for us?" Stewie asked her if she could some down to the station and get naked for them.

"Hahaha! Sure." Sindy said yes while she chuckles

"Whoaaa!" Brian, Frank Jr and Stewie said as they all whooping.

"I think we got a show." Brian asked his crew if they have a show.

"Oh yeah, we got a show!" Frank Jr said in agreement.

"We definitely got a show!" Brian said also in agreement.

"Oh, yeah, there's a show!" Stewie said in agreement.

Until something went wrong as Stewie presses the wrong button.

"After all, AIDS is a deadly, incurable disease. But no matter how you come to judge, Charles Wheeler and his partners' unethical, moral, and inhuman terms, the fact of the matter is, when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law." Denzel Washington said as he explain about aids.

"My God, what is wrong with you?" Brian asked stewie in disgust.

With Frank Jr nodded in agreement.

"I swear to God that was supposed to be "Food Fight!"." Stewie explain that it was supposed to be food fight sound effect.

We now join the family plus tom at the dinner table for dinner.

"I want some ice cream." Peter complain as he wants ice cream.

"No, Peter, you finish your food." Tom Tucker replies no.

As Peter gets up from the dinner table.

"You... Hey. You... You get back here right now, mister." Tom Tucker said to peter to get back to his chair.

But Peter gets up on the chair.

"Don't... Don't You... Get down from that chair or you're in big trouble." Tom Tucker said to get down from his chair.

But Peter opens the freezer door, getting out the ice cream.

"You... You put that ice cream back right now." Tom Tucker demands peter to put the ice cream away.

But Peter gets down from the chair, with the ice cream.

"I mean it. I'm not kidding around." Tom Tucker said that he mean it and he not kidding around.

But Peter sits back down.

"I'm not gonna say it again." Tom Tucker said he not gonna say it again.

But Peter opens the box of ice cream and the kids look at peter in awe.

"Uh..." Tom Tucker said as he tries to change the situation.

But Peter is about to put the ice cream in his mouth and Frank Jr eyes grew big at the awesomeness of his grandpa's new attitude.

"If you put that ice cream in your mouth, you're gonna be in big trouble, young man. Don't... You... uh... uh..." Tom Tucker said as he struggles calm down peter.

But Peter puts the ice cream in his mouth, and Tom gets up from his chair to spank him.

"AAAAAhahahahaha, I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Peter cries as he is getting spank by tom tucker.

"WELL, I'M THE BEST YOU'VE GOT!" Tom Tucker said as he drags peter out of the kitchen.

The scene now show Frank Jr puts the ice cream in his mouth, and Meg gets up from her chair to spank him.

"Waaaaaa! But mom, grandpa get to do what he wants?" Frank Jr sobs as he too gets spank by his mom.

"Yeah, but you should know better than to follow my father's path!" Meg reply as she too drags Frank Jr out of the kitchen.

We now join the trio at quahog's radio station as they begin their contest with sindy with & "s!"

"All right, so you know the drill." Stewie said as he tell sindy about the contest.

"We're going to turn on the hot dog cannon, and for every hot dog that you catch in your mouth, you get a $100 toward a boob job that you desperately need." Frank Jr explains to sindy when they turn on the hot dog cannon, and for every hot dog that she catch in her mouth, she will get a $100 toward a boob job that she desperately needs.

"I know." Sindy reply with slutty sad tone.

"Okay, here we go." Brian said as he turn on the machine and Sindy miss a hot dog.

"Oh, a miss!" Stewie said as the machine continues to shoot hot dog and it hits Sindy in the eye.

"Aw, you got her in the eye with that one." Frank Jr said as another hot dog was launch and it hit right between her tits.

"Whoa, that one was a teat-seeking missile!" Stewie reply as his notice the action.

However, when author Gore Vidal, whom Brian had contacted for an interview on his original show, walks into one of his "Dingo and the Baby" broadcasts

"I'm looking for Brian Griffin." Gore Vidal asked them about the host Brian griffin.

Gore Vidal! Brian said in shocked about him being here.

"I was supposed to do The Lunch Hour?" Gore Vidal asked them that he was supposed to do the lunch hour.

"Uh... this is The Lunch Hour." Brian said in embarrassment.

As one hot dog hit Sindy in the face.

"That one felt like my dad." Sindy said that the hot dog felt like her dads dong.

"Incest in the morning." Woman said about incest in the morning

"Suppressed memories." Man said about suppressed memories in a low tone.

"Ninety-seven point one!" The cheer jingle reply the shows events.

"I think I may have made a mistake." Gore Vidal reply that he made a mistake.

This cause Brian to panic and he asked gore to stay.

"No, no, no, no, this is it. You're-you're in the right place. Uh, listen, uh, why-why don't you stick around and talk for a while. My listeners would love to hear about your new book." Brian asked him if he tells his viewers about his new book.

Until a hot dog hit gore in the mouth and he was eating it.

"Hundred dollars, boob job!" Frank Jr and Stewie

"I'm, uh, going to go." Gore Vidal said as he leaves in disgust, while eating the hot dog.

"Oh, my God, what have I done?" Brian said as he realized that he just a sellout.

"Hey, it's all about ratings, baby, and we got 'em." Frank Jr said it all bout the ratings while he put on sunglasses to look cool.

"No, it wasn't worth it. I'm sorry, Stewie, I can't do this anymore. I'm more of a sell-out than you were when you did those Butterfinger commercials." Brian said as he quits his job in shame.

Cutaway

We see Stewie opening a Butterfingers wrapper.

"Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger. D'oh!" Stewie shouted as he made a stupid look.

Cutaway Ends

We now join peter and Frank sitting in front yard near the door as jake tucker comes by.

"What's your problem?" Jake Tucker asked peter about his problem.

"Papa Tom's being a jerk." Peter replies that tom being a jerky father.

"At least he talks to you. He's my dad and he hasn't paid attention to me in weeks!" Jake Tucker said as he tells him that tom was neglecting him for peter.

"Well, all in all, you should be thankful. I think the Kennedys had a kid like you and they had it put to sleep." Peter said as he thinks the kennedys had a kid like jake and they had to put him to sleep.

"Hey, Peter, I'm sorry about that business with the ice cream, I guess I'm just still a little torn up about your mom. But hey, I'll make it up to you, let's play catch." Tom Tucker apologies to peter about the ice cream and asked him if he wants to play catch.

"Okay!" Peter said until he looks at Jake and then at Frank as he remember what jake said.

As Frank gives him a nodded of approval.

"Wait a minute. You know what? I think you should play catch with Jake." Peter tells Tom he should be spending his time with Jake.

"Really?" Tom Tucker said.

"Yeah. I had a taste of what it was like to have a real father. I can't make him share his." Peter said as he learns that it is important for fathers and sons to spend time together.

"Well, alright, Peter. Come on, Jake." Tom agrees and leaves Peter to play catch with Jake.

"I guess I've learned a little something about what it means to be a good dad." Peter said as he learn something about being a good dad to his kids.

Until Chris, Emily and Persephone walk towards him.

"Hey, dad, do you want to play baseball?" Chris asked him about playing baseball with him.

"Oh my God, could you guys leave me alone?! You guys are the neediest kids!" Peter said in whine tone that he doesn't want to do that.

Until Frank slap his head, this cause peter to change his mind.

"I mean come Chris, let's play ball." Peter said as he and Chris watch towards the sandlot.

"I can't believe you gave up our show." Stewie complain to Brian for giving up their show like that.

"Yeah, sorry." Brian apologies to them.

"Haa, I wonder who they got to replace us." Frank Jr asked them on hwo replace them for the show.

The show is soon replaced by one featuring John and Tyler, entitled "Super Johnney-O and The Fox-Hog".

"It's Magic Hour with Super Johnney-O..." John tells his title name.

"And The Fox-Hog." Tyler said his title as well.

"In Rod we trust. Ninety-seven point one! WHAA WHOO!" Announcement jingle said as the show fade to black.

Chapter End

Well that's the second chapter of season 5, I hope you guys enjoy it. This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for the cutaway, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts and with that. See you next chapter my friends.