Chapter 85 - Whistle While Your Wife Works

It shows Lois playing the piano.

Lois

It seems today that all we see, is violence in movies and sex on TV.

Peter came on the scene

Peter

But where are those good, old-fashioned values.

10 people came to the scene. To the left are John, Tyler, Stewie, Frank and Meg and to the right are Emily, Persephone, Chris, Frank Jr and Brian

John, Tyler, Emily, Stewie, Chris, Persephone, Frank, Frank Jr, Meg and Brian

On which we use to rely.

The scenery changed and the main cast changed outfits.

Main cast

Lucky there's a Family Guy. Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you. All the things that makes us.

At this point, when Peter leans to the right on top of the podium, he falls over, flattening Lois, Persephone, Emily and Meg, and narrowly missing Frank and Brian who both moved out of the way.

As Peter falls down stairs.

"AAAH! Ow! Aaah! Aaah, ow, ow!" Peter said as he continues fall down the stair.

As he lands on dancer

"Dammit!" Peter said in pain while sitting on the dancer.

"Peter, are you all right?" Lois asking peter if he is alright.

"N-no. I think you should call somebody." Peter said as he feel that he is in pain.

That when Brian and Frank came down the stairs and look at the dance that peter was sitting on.

"Ma'am, are you all right?" Brian asking her if she is alright.

"I can't...breathe..." Dancer said as she tries to breath.

"Oh, God, I think she's punctured a lung!" Frank said as he look at her body and notice that there was something punctured in her lungs.

"Aw, dammit, look at my foot, it's already starting to swell up. I'm looking forward to this week. Friggin' swelled foot all week." Peter said as he complains that his foot is swell up for a week.

As Stewie and Frank Jr to the camera.

"You know we should, we should, you should probably go ahead and shut that off." Stewie said to the camera man with Frank Jr nodded in agreement.

As the scene fade to black, then we join the family in the house watching TV, as they have a new member of the family named Clara Lockhart Griffin.

Flashback

We see the whole Mallque family plus Chris is waiting at a train station after receiving a letter from Lana, who tells him that he has a five month-old daughter Clara.

As Chris is stunned to see a beautiful baby girl with Chris' eyes and her pretty hair color, who turns out to be Clara.

As Chris tries to be nice and takes her to school, but Clara shows an immediate dislike toward him.

Upstairs inside Stewie's room, he was finished building a giant death ray that was part of his plans for world domination with Frank Jr helping him because he was bored.

"Yes, Frank Jr, with this device, I can annihilate a dozen cities, Soon I will absolute ruler of the world! Victory shall be mine! Oh god, it feels good to be evil again!" Stewie said.

Just then, he hears the front door from downstairs open.

"We're home." Frank and Meg said.

"My baby's here!" Chris said as he once that he has his kid in his arms.

"What the deuce?" Stewie asked as he and Frank Jr hurriedly ran downstairs. Much to his horror, he saw in Chris's arms a baby girl wrapped in a pink blanket. She had Lana's face and Chris's blonde hair which was styled in the same layered style that Lana had when she first appeared in season 4.

"Oooh, she's so adorable!" Persephone said as she puts one finger near the baby and Clara grabs it. This made Persephone happy.

"Hello there. I'm your Aunt Emily." Emily said as she made faces for the news baby and Clara laughs.

"Oh, let me hold her!" Tyler said as Chris handed him baby Clara,

"She looks like Lana, only cute and not smoking hot," John said as he and Tyler then sniffed here.

"She just pooped." Tyler said.

As Frank then took back the baby and sniffed her.

"That's weird, Clara doesn't smell- EWWWWW! EMILY!" Frank said in disgust.

"I'm... gonna go change, now," said Emily embarrassed as she went upstairs to get new diaper.

"What the hell is going on?" asked Stewie, "And who the hell is that!?"

"Stewie, I want you to meet your niece, Clara," said Lois.

"Oh, yes, she's very fascinating," lied Stewie, "Anyway, I've just built a device capable of destroying a dozen cities so you might want to take your last moments of freedom and use them wisely."

Everyone ignored Stewie and Frank Jr as they was too busy paying attention to Clara.

"I said you should use these last moments of freedom before you become my bitches!" Stewie said as he has plan on taking over the world.

"Cause, you know, you'll be taking over the world soon... With... with the death ray? Yeah, you know, that thing? The thing that will make you overlord? You'll finally rule the world? You'll have enough power to make Bill Gates and Scrooge McDuck kiss each other? I'll be more invincible than Chuck Norris? Frank Jr said in a sarcastic tone.

"DAMMIT, PEOPLE! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Stewie shouted as he notice them not pay attention to him.

Instead everyone was still looking at how adorable Clara was.

"Oh! Oh! Let me hold her!" Peter said as Chris handed him Clara.

"Who's a cute baby? Yes you are! Yes you-" Peter said until he was then cut off when Clara spat up on him.

"Son of a bitch! She puked on me! Oh, you are so dead!" Peter said as Frank quickly grabbed Chris's daughter from Peter and blocked him with his foot, while the others held onto him.

"Hellooo? I'm going to conquer the world! Show some fear, dammit!" Stewie said as he tries to get everyone attention.

As everyone still ignored Stewie, He was getting frustrated. First the crib, then his room, and now just he's about to finally rule the world, she steals all the attention from him... again!

"Dammit, what's the fun in world domination if nobody's cowering in fear?!" Stewie asked in frustration.

"She's getting tired, we better put her in her new crib." Meg said as she notice that her niece was getting sleep and decide to take her to her crib.

Everyone then followed Chris upstairs to Clara's, Frank Jr's and what's-his-name's room to put her to sleep.

"Oh, now the author's forgetting who I am," Stewie said as he was almost name what's-his-name.

"Oh that baby's making me madder than the time I went to Colorado to take care of some business." Frank Jr said as set up a cutaway about South Park.

Cutaway

In a bus stop, 4 boys known as Stan, Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman were waiting for the school bus.

"Ey, guys, did you see Terrance and Phillip last night?" Cartman said to the boys.

"Yeah, it totally kicked ass! Did you see when Terrence farted on Phillip?" Stan said.

"Yeah, How about when Phillip farted on Terrence?" Kyle said.

"Yeah! Or how about when Terrence farted on Phillip?" Cartman said

"Yeah! And then Phillip farted on Terrence!" Stan said.

"Yeah, Terrence and Phillip kicks ass, Unlike Family Guys. That show sucks so much Donkey nuts it-." Cartman said

Cartman was then blown up by a flying grenade that left Cartman nothing more than guts, bones, blood, and winter clothing.

"What now?! What now?! Be-yotch!" Stewie and Frank Jr shouted with a grenade launcher.

"Oh my god! He killed Cartman!" Stan shouted in shocked in Cartman death.

"My savior!" Kyle shouted as he is glad by this moment.

Cutaway end

End Flashback

Back to the living room, as the doorbell rings and it was Quagmire who comes back from Florida.

"Oh, hey Quagmire, how was Florida?" Peter asked quagmire on how his trip to Florida.

"Oh, it was great! And guess what? I smuggled a whole bunch of fireworks back in my anus." Quagmire said as he brought a whole bunch of fireworks back in my anus

"Uh, Quagmire, fireworks aren't illegal here." Frank said as he is disgust by anus smelling fireworks.

"You could've just put 'em in your car and driven 'em up here." Peter said as he know that fireworks are not illegal.

"Huh, yeah, that's just as fun." Quagmire said as he roll his eyes sarcastically.

We now join the Mallque/Griffin family at their house with quagmire play with the fireworks that he brought from Florida.

"All right, Persephone, you be David Koresh, and I'll be a heavy-handed FBI agent. Go!" Chris said as he start throwing his fireworks at his sister.

As Persephone scream as she trying to dodge Chris fireworks. She made into the house and close the door but it didn't stop Chris.

"Hey, you, you're a crazy person, come out of there, you!" Chris said as he throw all of his fireworks at the door.

As Clara giggles by her father's antics

We turn to peter and quagmire.

"Quagmire, check it out. I took 10 M-80s and stuck them all together. I call it Peter Griffin's bunker-busting, mega-ultra super..." Peter said before he has enough time to tell Quagmire the very long name of the firework bomb he has made.

The fireworks explode, severing and scattering Peter's fingers.

"Holy crap!" Frank Jr said in shocked as he see Peter blows off his fingers

"Oh, my God! You blew off all your fingers!" Lois said in shocked in fear her husband losing his fingers.

That's when Joe and zeke rolled in.

"What happened? Oh, my God!" Joe said as he looks at peter hand without fingers.

"You know, no huge hurry, but I'm sort of out of juice over here." Stewie said as he complain about running out of juice from his sippy cup

As Stewie taps his sippy cup and Frank Jr taps his sippy cup as well.

"Bone-dry." Frank Jr said as he sippy cup is bone dry.

As Clara just sucked her thumb.

As everyone huddles up next to peter for support that when Emily notice something on the grass nest to her feet.

"There's one of Dad's fingers." Emily said as she raise hand with one of her father's fingers.

That's when Meg come in to the plate of the conversation.

"We have to hurry. I learned in biology, if you get them back soon enough, they can be reattached." Meg explain that Peter must then collect his fingers so that they can be reattached.

That's when Menma and Cleveland come in.

"What's all the commotion?" Cleveland said as he has one of peter's fingers in his curly hair.

Now we join Frank Jr, Peter and Joe walking around the street looking for peter's fingers.

"Hey, there's one of them." Peter said as he see one of his fingers in Herbert's front yard.

As He then run toward, he didn't notice the car coming his way but Frank Jr and Joe did.

"Peter, look out!" Joe shouted at peter to watch out as he jumps to tries to push peter away from the car but realized that he is cripple and fall half way.

Then the car crash into peter making him fly up then falls down into the street.

"Aaah!" Peter groans as he tries to get up.

That's when the front door opens as Herbert and his dog Jesse come out.

"Go on, Jesse. Make your peeps and poops." Herbert said to his dog as it goes out to do his business.

"MMM, That's gonna feel good for Jesse." Herbert said as he close the door.

Then it begins as Jesse notices the finger on the street and he gets hungry.

Then the men crawled toward the finger with Jesse in pursuit. As the men and the dog were closing in on the finger with dramatic music blasting in the background. A blue bird swept right in and took the finger.

"Damn it!" Frank Jr said as he was distracted by the crawling to not notice the bird.

Now we join the trio looking at the bird with the finger in his nest on top of a tree.

"Maybe if we make it mad, it will come down here, and we can catch it and get the finger." Peter said as he plan to make the bird mad with john and Tyler.

"Hey, bird! Your poop is white and green." John said to the bird that his poop is mix color and it's weird.

"You're the laughingstock of the poop world." Tyler said to the bird that it's the laughingstock of the poop world.

As peter then threw a rock at the bird but it hit the nest and it piss off the bird. Then the bird attack peter, Frank Jr, John and Tyler for revenge.

"Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I knew that would get you." John said as he tries to kill the bird.

"Yeah. Yeah. Come here, you little son of a bitch!" Tyler said as he insult the bird while tries to dodge the attack but fails.

"Come here! Stop it! Stop pecking me!" Frank Jr said as he pecks back on the bird to stun it.

Then suddenly Joe shoots a bird that has one of Peter's fingers.

"Ah, thanks, Joe." Peter said as he pick up his finger and give his thank to his cripple friend on save his kids.

As Joe puts a knife next to the dead bird

"Let's plant a knife on him just to be safe." Joe said as he place fake evidents so to throw off suspicion on their group.

"Eh... good thinking." Peter said in agreement with the fake evidents

"Yeah, I know how these things go down". Joe said as he knows how these thing go down.

We now join Brian, Frank Jr and Stewie in the kitchen as Jr's parent came

"Hey, there, we were supposed to have brunch this morning." Stewie said with Brian in agreement.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, we had a late night." Frank said as Meg nodded in agreement while fixing her shirt and skirt.

"Late night, huh?" Frank Jr said as he know they were fooling around with someone.

"What's her name, Frank? Stewie asked the name of the women who is hang out with Frank and Meg?

"What are you talking about?" Frank ask back to the babies on what are they talking about.

"Oh, spare me the theatrics. I see the signs, the excuses for why we can't hang out, the inside-out shirt." Frank Jr explain that he know that his parent are fooling around with someone new to keep the sex life amazing.

"If we didn't recognize what was going on here, we would have to be as dim as those retirees I entertain every Thursday." Stewie said as he sets up a cutaway about him sings to the old folk's home.

Cutaway

Stewie sings to the old folk's home.

Stewie: Oh, there's a hole in the bottom of the sea,
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea,
There's a hole, there's a hole,
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea.

(starts strumming faster) "Oh-ho-ho, all right, we're getting a little faster here now, and you know what? I think there's something else down there in the bottom of the sea. Something you'll be able to relate to."
Oh, there's a tube in the throat of the elderly man in the hospital bed on the frog in the log in the hole of the bottom of the sea.
There's a tube in the throat of the elderly man in the hospital bed on the frog in the log in the hole of the bottom of the sea.
There's a hole, there's a hole,
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea.

(strums much slower as a nurse comes in with a birthday cake) "Oh, what is this?"
Oh, there's a birthday cake for Mr. Cohen on the frog on the log in the hole of the bottom of the sea.
Oh, there's a birthday cake for Mr. Cohen in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

"Get a nurse."
There's a hole, there's a hole,
There's a hole in the bottom of the sea.

Cutaway Ends

"Look, guys, I think it's wonderful you two found a young lady willing to stoop to your levels." Frank Jr said to his parents that he is happy and is glad they made a new friend.

"When do I get to meet her?" Stewie asked them on when are they gonna meet the new girl.

"No, no. No way." Meg said as she didn't want them to know about her at all.

"Oh, I see, I get it, she's hideous." Brian said as he notice that the girl must be ugly is whole hell.

"She's not hideous." Frank argues as he know that the girl is not ugly.

"Oh, well, let me ask you two something. Does she have an alibi?" Stewie asked Frank and Meg if the girl has an alibi.

"For what, why would she need an alibi?" Frank question Stewie on why she needs an alibi.

"So, you're saying she does not have an alibi." Stewie asked them on she does not have an alibi.

"Well, no." Meg reply no.

"Ok, so we've established she ain't got no alibi, she ugly, she ugly." Frank Jr sang the ugly song.

"U-G-L-Y, she ain't got no alibi, she ugly." Stewie chants the song with Frank Jr.

"Screw off." Frank and Meg said as they stormed off the kitchen.

"M, she major ugly, O, she fat and pugly, O my God, no, the cow says moo!" Frank Jr and Stewie sang the chant as the parents leave the kitchen.

Now we join the adult gang at the drunken clam as they celebrate peter getting his fingers back.

"Here's to Peter getting his fingers back." Joe said as he raise his mung to cheer on peter getting his fingers back.

"Thanks, Joe. Oh, boy, I tell you I haven't felt this good since I came up with that new place to hide my porn." Peter said as he tell the gang about his new place to hide his porn from Lois in a cutaway.

Cutaway

"Have a good day sweetie" Lois said as she kissed Peter as she heads off to grocery shop. Peter sighs and runs off to put down a photo of Chris and he enters a code. The wall opens and creates an elevator as Peter goes inside. He goes through security.

"Hey Greg" Peter said.

"Afternoon Mr. Griffin. Mrs. Griffin out today?" the guard asked.

"Shopping" Peter answered.

"Ah" the guard responded.

Peter goes through more security and doors and someone opens the last door as both walked towards a locked device. They open it with keys and it reveals to be a dirty magazine.

"Wow, she's hot!" Peter reads it.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the bar with the gang.

"All right, last call, fellows. It's closing time." Horace said to the gang as its closing time at The Drunken Clam

Oh, crap! I'm not even half-buzzed. Peter said as he and crew are not ready to stop drinking yet.

Hey, what do you guys say we take this party on the road? Frank said as he decide with the gang continue the alcohol consumption at the Pawtucket Brewery.

"Fine by me. Skinemax doesn't kick in with the really dirty stuff till about 3:00 anyway." Quagmire said as he explains that Skinemax doesn't kick in with the really dirty stuff till about 3:00.

"Gross Quagmire, just gross!" the younger members of the crew said.

"I saw one last night where this girl had a butt face but her breasts were immaculate." Cleveland said as he explains that last night where this girl had a butt face but her breasts were immaculate.

"Cool!" Frank Jr said as he join them on the walk to the Pawtucket Brewery.

As the gang went inside some of the group were nervous, meaning Joe and zeke.

"Peter, you sure it's okay to be at the brewery after hours?" Joe asked peter if this is okay to be at the brewery after hours.

"Relax, Joe, this is where we work." Frank said as he calm Joe down because he and peter work here.

"Besides, it sure beats the hell out of last Saturday when we partied with that big-horned guy from Legend." Peter said as he set up a cutaway about them partying with that big-horned guy from Legend.

Cutaway

"Hey you guys want to go to IHOP to get some breakfast or something?" Big Horn Guy asked.

"Oh God I don't know know, Big Horn Guy, it's like 3am" Peter refused.

"Oh, that sucks man. I'm wide awake. Hey Quagmire you want to..." Big Horn Guy said as he pulled Quagmire's eye. Quagmire screams

"Oh God I'm sorry! I'm sorry man! Are you okay?" Big Horn Guy apologized.

"No!" Quagmire shouted.

"Oh man, I didn't see you there" Big Horn Guy does the same to Cleveland.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the gang as meanwhile Frank, Negi, Zeke, Rage, Menma, Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland are drunk in a beer tank at the Pawtucket Brewery.

"Okay, okay, guys, here's one. If you were God, who would you strike down first?" Peter asked them if they were god, who you would strike down first.

"Debra Messing. I find her insufferable." Joe answered with Debra messing.

"French Stewart. What are you squinting about? It's not even that bright." Cleveland said French Stewart cause he squinting at everything.

"Yeah, he is terrible." Negi said in agreement with his adopted father.

"What we need out there now is another Tim Daly." Quagmire said that the world needs another Tim Daly.

"Who's Tim Daly?" Frank asked quagmire on this person since he doesn't know who he is.

"I don't even know who that is." Rage said agreement since he also doesn't know who Tim Daly is either.

"From Wings." Quagmire reply's the movie that Tim Daly was in

"Nope." Zeke said his reply since he doesn't know this movie.

"Tim Daly, he was on Wings. What, nobody here watched Wings?" Quagmire talks about the TV series Wings at the Pawtucket Brewery when they are bathing in the beer.

"Is that the one where there is a guy and he's like...He's a pilot or something?" Menma asked if Tim was in a movie with one guy and he is pilot or something.

"No, it's two guys, they are brothers, and they are both pilots." Quagmire said as he explains about the characters to Menma.

"Hey, wasn't there a fat guy with a mustache?" Frank asked quagmire about a fat guy with a mustache.

"That was Roy, he's hilarious." Quagmire explain the name of the character to frank and he is hilarious.

"Was this a cartoon?" Negi asked if this show is a cartoon.

"No... Oh, my God! No! No! It took place in an airport! The thing was on for 10 years! And the funny repair guy was Lowell. It made Tony Shalhoub's career!" Quagmire explains in anger that it takes place in an airport and it's was on for 10 years and the funny repair guy was Lowell. It made Tony Shalhoub's career!

"Who?" Frank asked on who is tony Shalhoob.

"The tennis player?" Quagmire explain that Tony Shalhoob was a tennis player.

And for that last question made quagmire piss off.

"You know what, screw you guys. I don't even know you." Quagmire said as he leave the beer tank at the Pawtucket Brewery.

As the other men say they haven't heard of the show, he storms out of the brewery, naked and very angry.

"Crazy people, living under a rock, don't know Wings. I love Wings." Quagmire said as he is very naked and very angry.

We now join Frank, Emily, Brian, Stewie and Frank Jr inside an apartment build, as Frank finally introduces the trio to Jillian and prove that she is actually attractive. so they wait for Frank and Meg's new girlfriend to open the door for them.

"All right, I want to be very clear about this. You two can meet her, chat for a minute, and that's it. In and out." Frank explain the rules to the gang.

"Don't worry, Frank, if she is as ugly as I think she is, I'll look at her once, and then we'll go..." Stewie explain that if his and meg new love interest is as ugly as he think she is, he'll look at her once, then he and Frank Jr will go... Blargh, All over the place.

"Blargh, Blargh!" Frank Jr said as he make vomiting noises.

"All over the place. Then you'll wipe it up, and then we will go." Stewie then continues the explanation and when they all leave.

As Frank Jr nodded in agreement.

As the door opens to reveal Jillian Russel, she is a Swedish adult woman in her 30's with a smokin' hot bod and long flaxen hair. She has white eyes with black pupils and wears a light blue tank top with brown pants and chunky red high heel shoes.

"Hi, Frank. Oh, my God! Who is your cute little friend?" Jillian said as she said hi to her boyfriend.

"Oh, my! Hello. Stewie and this is Frank and Meg sons, Frank Jr. Charmed." Stewie introduce himself and Frank Jr to Frank and Meg's new squeeze.

"I'm Jillian, come on in. Who wants a drink?" Jillian said as she lets them inside her apartment.

As Emily was going to sit on Jillian's couch, Jillian would hear Emily's adult diaper crinkle and thought she stuffed newspapers in her pockets

"Do you keep your newspapers in your dress pockets?" Jillian ask Emily if she keeps her newspapers in your dress pockets.

This making Emily feel confused and awkwardly.

"I… don't have pockets…" Emily replied as she tell her she is wearing dress while distracting her from her problem.

"Oh… I swear I heard something rustle…"Jillian said as she thought she heard something.

"But you did. She is-" Stewie said as he would say the truth but then Emily covered Stewie's mouth before he could say anything else.

"So, are you gonna take back what you said?" Frank asked the babies about take what they said about her being ugly.

"Frank, she's stunning." Stewie said as he thinks she is beautiful.

"Okay, you met her. You can scram now." Frank said as he want them to get out now.

"I shall do no such thing." Stewie said as he want know about Frank tone of wanting them to leave.

"Now, why in the world would you and mom be embarrassed about dating her?" Frank Jr asked his father on why would he and his mom be embarrassed about dating her.

"Oh my God, Frank. I was watching something on TV about this guy named Hitler. Somebody should stop him!" Jillian said about Hitler from TV program and it was stupid when she said it.

This comment made the babies and the dog question her by that statement.

"Is she retarded?" Stewie asked frank if she was retarded.

"Can you please leave now?" Frank asked them if they can leave.

The trio then soon discovers that the real reason Frank didn't want them to meet Jillian is because she is a stereotypical "dumb blonde".

"Oh, now I get it, she's a moron." Brian said as he realized that Jillian is a moron.

"But a moron with large breasts, you can use as mountains for your Matchbox cars or whatever it is grown-ups do with large breasts." Frank Jr said as he knows that his dad and mom are dating her cause of her body and large breast.

"Shut up, that's not it at all." Frank tells them to shut up and what they said isn't true.

"Say, Jillian, I love what you've done with the place. What is it, one bedroom, one bath?" Stewie asked her about the place she is living in and how many rooms does it have.

"No, it's a whole apartment." Jillian answer with a whole apartment.

"Oh, God, outstanding!" Frank Jr said with a smug smile

"So, Stewie, Brian and Frank Jr, do you guys work with Frank at the detective agency?' Jillian asked the trio if they work with Frank at the detective agency.

"Why, yes, as a matter of fact, we do. At the detective agency." Stewie said in smug tone.

"That's got to be a tough job. I know Frank's work has him coming and going at all hours of the night." Jillian said it must be a hard job because Frank's work has him coming and going at all hours of the night.

"I bet it does, I bet it does." Stewie said in agreement as Frank Jr and Brian nodded in agreement.

This set off frank as he tries something to get out of this situation.

"Okay, well, Stewie has to go now." Frank said as he tell Jillian they have to go.

"What are you talking about? We want to taste more of Jillian's lemonade." Frank Jr said as he want more of Jillian's lemonade.

"I say, Jillian, this lemonade is delicious." Stewie said as he like her lemonade.

"I know! It's good, right? I just wish they didn't have to kill so many lemons to make it." Jillian said in sad tone as she wish people didn't have to kill so many lemons to make it.

As this made frank sad about this while Stewie and Brian were so smug about.

"Oh, this is fun, huh?" Frank Jr said as he pat his dad on the lap.

Now we join Peter and Frank at the Pawtucket brewery working in their office but peter was on the phone.

"So, wait, Dupree moves in with Kate Hudson and Matt Dillon? But they're newlyweds, right?" peter said on the phone as he talking about Kate Hudson and Matt Dillon.

That's until Angela, their boss come in and Frank signals peter to end the call.

"Well, that's no time to have a house guest. Got to go." Peter said as he hang up the phone to talk to his boss with Frank.

"Sorry, Angela, every Tuesday morning Pops call Cleveland, and he describes every scene from You, Me and Dupree." Frank explain that peter gets a call from Cleveland every Tuesday, as Cleveland describes every scene from You, Me and Dupree.

"Mallque, your work output this week is still the best than usual. But you Griffin, your work output this week is even worse than usual. Where the hell are those purchase orders?" Angela tells peter of his work output this week is even worse than usual while frank's was the best as usual.

"Yeah, it's this bum hand. I can't type with it." Peter explains that his injured hand is to blame.

"Well, that's not my problem. I need to see some improvement by the end of the week, or you're finished." Angela still says he has to improve or he will be fired.

"Don't worry, we'll figure something out." Frank said as he promise that they will find a way to finish their work.

Then the phone rings as peter takes the phone.

"Oh, that's going to be Quagmire with Along Came Polly. I got to take that." Peter explain to Angela that its quagmire on the phone as glen will explain Along Came Polly.

"All right, so as you know, by this point in the story, Ben Stiller doesn't like spicy food. Well, guess what's for dinner!" Quagmire explains what's happing in the story, Ben Stiller doesn't like spicy food. Well, guess what's for dinner.

"No way." Peter said in shocked.

Now the next day as Lois comes to the brewery to help Peter get caught up at work by typing for him while his hand heals.

"Boy, Mom, thanks so much for coming in and helping me get my work done." Frank said his thank to Lois for coming to work with them.

"Without you, Angela would have been all over my case." Peter said thank for Lois so much for coming in and helping him get my work done. Without her, Angela would have been all over his case.

"Oh, it's all right, Frank and Peter, I know it's tough for him to work with his hand injury." Lois said her welcome to the boys while realized that peter shouldn't work until his hand heals.

"Hey, you know, with you sitting there, it's kind of like you're my secretary." Peter said as he realize he can have some fun with Lois at work.

"Well, let's not get carried away, Peter. Now please, I'm trying to finish your work." Lois tell peter that she in no mood for games.

But peter didn't listen to her.

"You know, Lois, if I'm your boss, I got to look like a boss." Peter said as he get ready to play his game with Lois.

"Finally, I have a reason to wear this big bow tie and cigar I bought at the Dress for Success store." Peter said as he takes out from his desk was a big bow tie and cigar that he bought at the Dress for Success store.

"Pops, if you want this work to get done... Frank said as he tries to get Lois back to work but peter interrupt him.

"Lois, take a letter. "Dear Life Cereal, Where do you get off? Part of a balanced breakfast and delicious? Who do you think you are? By now, you may have guessed I'm speaking ironically and have nothing but good things to say about what you do. Life Cereal, do not change a thing. Signed, Peter Griffin. Dictated but not read." Lois, read that back to me." Peter said as he make Lois take a letter on the computer to life cereal.

Now back to the house frank return to the guest room aka Emily room as Brian and Stewie notice frank return.

"Oh, hey, Frank. Back from a hot booty call with your idiot girlfriend?" Brian asked frank on his return from his hot booty call with his and Meg's idiot girlfriend.

"You know, think what you want, but you don't see the side of Jillian that me and Meg do." Frank said to them that they don't see the side of Jillian that he see.

"Face it, Frank, she's dumber than a Boston-area book report." Stewie said that Jillian is dumber than a Boston-area book report in cutaway.

Cutaway

We join a Boston-Area Student presents a book report to his class

"The novel I chose to address is Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens. Queer name right? The book was actually not bad" Boston-Area Student said as he presents a book report.

Cutaway Ends

Back with the trio plus frank.

"For your information, Jillian is very bright, and she happens to be a very talented photographer." Frank explain that Jillian is very bright, and happens to be a very talented photographer.

"Oh, that is so lame every girl who can aim a camera thinks she is a photographer. Oooh, you took a black and white picture of a lawn chair and it's shadow and developed it at Sav-On. You must be so brooding and deep." Brian tells frank about every girl who can aim a camera thinks she is a photographer and Jillian is not different.

"Knock it off." Frank shouted Brian to knock it off.

"No, I want to know, Frank. What specifically do you talk about?" Stewie asked him on what they talk about Jillian when he and Brian are not around.

"Uh, a lot of things. Um...food, um...the new seat covers she just got for her Jetta. Um..."Real World/Road Rules Challenge." Frank explain that he, Meg and Jillian talk about food, the new seat covers she just got for her Jetta and "Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

"You hate MTV." Brian said as he know that he hates MTV shows.

"Meditation helps." Frank said as he take pills form watch MTV shows.

"Hey are you guys talk shit about mine and Frank's new Girlfriend." Someone shout in the hallway.

That when Meg comes in with food for frank and she heard everything.

"Look, you know, I don't have to justify anything to you three, all right? All that matters, is Jillian, Meg and I have a great time together, we make each other laugh." Frank said as he tells them that he doesn't justify anything to them, all right? All that matters, is Jillian, Meg and Frank have a great time together.

"Fine, but just tell me this, Frank, does she laugh on her own or does she laugh only when you two laugh?" Brian asked Frank and Meg if Jillian laugh on her own or does she laugh only when they laugh.

They didn't responded as the silence was their answer.

"I thought so." Stewie said as he final know what they think.

That when Meg's cellphone rings and she answer.

"Hey, yeah. You got to hit DVD and then menu and then select. Yeah. Yeah, the DVD needs to be face up when you put it in. You should be able to see the words Mr. 3000... Yeah."Meg said as she pass the phone to frank.

"Still nothing? Is it plugged in? Okay, so plug it in. Okay, you got it? Okay, all right. No problem, all right. All right. We Love you, too, Jilly bean. Okay." Frank said as he gives Jillian instructions to work on her DVD player.

That's when Meg and frank notice the trio smug looks.

"What?" Frank shouted on them on what they want now.

"Nothing, I didn't say anything." Stewie said as he and turn away from their stares.

"I need a drink." Frank said as he and Meg Leave the room but they forgotten the cellphone.

That's when Stewie grab the phone and called Jillian.

"Hey, Jilly bean. Hey, it's Frank again. So, yeah. So I figured we could get together tonight and maybe do all those things sexually that we usually do. What were those again?" Stewie asked her in frank voice if she could get together tonight and maybe do all those things sexually that we usually do.

As he and frank hear all the nasty stuff that Frank and Meg did with this woman.

"No way, gross. I mean... No. Yeah, I totally love how that feels." Frank Jr said as he and Stewie tricks her into coming over to the house for dinner.

Now back to the brewery with Lois type Peter's work on his office computer. Until peter come in behind her to touch her shoulders.

"Hi. You know, I've been noticing you around the steno pool. You look good enough for a promotion." Peter said to Lois in a sexy tone.

"Peter, cut it out." Lois said as she tries to push peter off to finish his work.

"Hey, that's no way to talk to your boss." Peter said to Lois as he take the roll of her boss for his fun until Lois smell something on peter.

"Is that Pert?" Lois asked peter if he is wear perfume.

"You know it is. Smell my Speed Stick." Peter said as he tell something dirty to Lois.

"Peter, what the hell are you doing?" Lois asking on why he is acting this way.

"Lois, I'm going to come right out with it. I think it would be so hot for you and me to have sex in my office." Peter said as he begins to sexually harass her in an attempt to convince her to have sex with him in the office.

"Oh, my God! There is no way that is going to happen. You know, it's no wonder you are so far behind in your work if this is the way you behave at the office." Lois said no to his advances and thinks this behavior is the reason he is so far behind in your work.

"Come on, just touch it. Touch yours." Peter said as he asked to touch him in his naughty parts.

"Peter, no. I have work to do so you can keep your job." Lois said as she tell him that she needs to work to do so peter can keep his job.

"Oh, look at me, I'm Lois, I'm a worker, I make stuff on things. Oh, I'll file these later. Oh, I got a phone. Nope, that's it. Jeez, Lois, I thought having you here was going to be fun, but so far you are a bigger buzz kill than Buzz Killington." Peter said to Lois that she is a bigger buzz kill than Buzz Killington as the cutaway starts.

Cutaway

As Frank and Peter is partying with his friends

"Oh man this is the best party I've ever went to!" he cheered as someone enters.

"Evening, everyone. I thought it would be very droll if we all sat down and looked at etchings. Would you like to join me, Peter?" Buzz Killington asked.

"Uh, well, we-we're kinda partying here" Peter explained.

"Good! Hold this up." Buzz asked.

As he gives Peter a sketchbook with a picture on it

"Now here's a fellow attempting to ride a bicycle. But he's having some trouble, isn't he? Would you like to know why?" Buzz asked.

"Sigh, Why?" Peter sighs and wondered.

"Because he's a Scot! (Chuckles) Now, who here likes a good story about a bridge?" Buzz asked as Peter groans while wiping his eyes.

Cutaway Ends

Now we join Frank and Brian at the house outside as they did something to calm frank down. Then they arrive at the front door and open it to see Jillian in the house with his family with Meg looking really nervous.

"What the hell? Jillian, what are you doing here?" Frank asking her on why is she here.

"Oh! Hi, Frank. It was so nice of you to invite your girlfriend over for dinner." Jillian said to him that he invited her over for dinner.

"I invited her for dinner?" Frank asked himself on why he invited Jillian for dinner.

"Yes, you did. You wanted her to meet the family." Frank Jr answer his Father's question.

That when Frank realized that it was either Stewie or Frank Jr tricks Jillian into coming over to the house for dinner.

"Now, come here, Frank. Come sit by your baby brother Stewie." Stewie said as he signal Frank to come sit next to his girlfriend and himself.

"And then, think about this. Have you ever seen the sun and the moon in the same place at the same time?" Jillian said about seen the sun and the moon in the same place at the same time.

"Huuuh!" Frank Jr and Peter gasps by the question.

"They're the same person!' Peter said that the sun and the moon are the same thing.

"I know, right?!" Jillian said as she cheers on peter and Frank Jr.

"You're brilliant!" Chris said as his daughter giggles by that response.

As Jillian then notice Frank sitting next to her with Meg holding Frank Jr.

"Hey, Oogy and Meggie!" Jillian said hello to her lovers.

"So tell us, Oogy and Meggie, where did you two find this one, huh? You three meet at a Mensa meeting?' Lois asked Frank and Meg on where the two found Jillian.

"No, at a Quiznos. We all both ordered the Turkey Ranch and Swiss, no onions. Can you believe that?" Jillian said that she and the duo meet at a Quiznos and they all ordered the Turkey Ranch and Swiss, no onions

"No. Wow! What are the odds?" Lois said as she tries to hold on to her laughter.

"Well, hey, what are the odds of finding true love anywhere in the world, says this observer." Stewie said about the odds of finding true love anywhere in the world.

"Hey, you want to know something cool? I threw up a lot in high school, so I don't get my period anymore." Jillian remarked upon the fact that she threw up a lot in high school and no longer experiences her menstrual period.

This kids question themselves on when they are in high school. As Persephone think this might make her skinny. Emily is disgusted by that statement.

"Damn dog that gross!" John and Tyler said together as this gross them out.

"Wow, this is the one you have been waiting for, huh, Frank and Meg?" Emily said as she question on why they are date this women when they are married.

This cause Lois to laugh at them.

"Are you serious? Are you serious, you two?" Lois said as frank and Meg is teased by her for dating someone so dense.

"You know what, mom and Emily, don't judge, because you don't know what three people are like when they are alone." Frank said as he set up a cutaway about what he and Meg do with Jillian when they are alone.

Cutaway

As we join Frank and Meg on Jillian Bed as Jillian get dress for something.

"Come on. Let's go dancing" Jillian begged as she's getting ready to go out.

"I don't know, we feeling kinda cozy tonight. Kinda mellow" Frank refused with Meg nodded in agreement.

"I just really want to go dance... Jillian gasps as she notice something on the wall.

As Jillian saw a light hole which is coming from Frank and Meg

"There it is again! What is what!?" Jillian said as she chases it around.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the family plus Jillian in the living room as stewie begins to ask her something.

"So, Jillian, what are your views regarding Homeland Security? Do you think we should support what the President is doing?" Stewie asked Jillian on her views regarding Homeland Security? Does she think we should support what the President is doing?

"Well, I just think, for starters, that sometimes the government has things they can't tell us. And truthishly, we should just accept that." Jillian answer the question with a dumb answer.

"Okay, good night, everyone." Frank said as he drag Jillian so they can go to her apartment.

"Hey Jillian, before you go, I forget, do you know what the capital of this state is?" Stewie asked Jillian about knowing what the capital of this state is.

"Um, Rhode Island City?" Jillian answered it as they left and slam the door.

"Ha-ha-ha! It's like she's fucking five!" Stewie said as he laughs at her being like a five year old.

Now we join Frank and Jillian and her friend at a Dennis.

"Thanks for hanging out with my friends, Frank." Jillian thank him for coming to hang out with her and her friends.

"Hey, come on, we're a legitimate couple, right? I-I should be able to talk with your friends." Frank said that they are a legitimate couple, right! He should be able to talk with her friends.

"So, then the valet pulls up, and I'm all, "That is so not my car," But then it totally was." Jillian's Friend 1 said about valet pulls up her car and she said that its not her car. Even when it was her car.

"That's happened to me." Jillian said in agreement.

"Me, too." Jillian's Friend 2said in agreement as well.

"Cars go fast." Jillian's Friend 3 said about car going fast.

This cause Frank to laugh and the girls turn to him.

"Ha-ha-ha-ha! Oh, God, yeah, I'll tell you, if I had a nickel for every time that happened." Frank said as he explain if he had a nickel for every time that happened.

"Yeah?" Jillian's Friend 1 said to frank in agreement.

"What?" Frank said in confusion

"What if you had a nickel for every time that happened?" Jillian's Friend 1 asked him about him having a nickel for every time that happened.

"No, nothing, it's just an expression." Frank explain to her that it's just an expression

"A what?" Jillian's Friend 2said in confusion.

"Well, I was just saying, I do my share of dopey stuff, like... Oh, this... This one time I attended a speaker's colloquium on federal judgeships, and without realizing it, I kept calling William Rehnquist "William Rinequist." God! I mean..." Frank said as he explain about William Rehnquist and he calls him "William Rinequist."

Then everyone gotten quite until Jillian started to talk again.

"Anyone else have to go to the little girl's room? I have new gloss." Jillian asked her friend if Anyone else have to go to the little girl's room.

"I love gloss!" Jillian's Friend 1 said as she love gloss.

"Oh, that rocks!" Jillian's Friend 2 said it rocks.

"Gloss rhymes with hair!" Jillian's Friend 3 said something stupid.

As the girls all leave to the woman restroom and Frank groans by his own mistakes.

"Dude, that was painful." Stewie said as he, Brian and Frank Jr were sit next to Frank booth.

"What you doing here? Did you followed us?" Frank asking them in anger on why they are here.

"Frank, why can't you just admit what's going on here?" Stewie asked frank on why can't he just admit what's going on here.

"Fine. I'm gonna have to break it off. But boy, it's gonna be tougher than the reviews for Our American Cousin." Frank said as he later admits that the relationship is based on sex and that he should end it soon as he set up a cutaway about the reviews for Our American Cousin.

Cutaway

Meanwhile at Ford's Theater, someone reads the review of their play.

"Blah, blah, blah, "Lincoln assassinated," blah, blah, blah, "tragedy for our Republic. " Uh... oh, look! "Ably performed by the entire ensemble. " That's us! That's all of us!" someone said as he reads the review of their play as everyone around them cheered.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the Pawtucket brewery as Lois is still working on the computer to finish peter's statements. Until peter come in with piles of paper.

"Morning, Lois, I need you to proofread this and collate it for me." Peter asked her to proofread this piles and collate it for him.

As Lois reviews the papers until she notice something naughty on them.

"Peter, did you Xerox your penis?" Lois asked him on why he Xerox his penis on these papers.

"Three-hundred times. It's a flip book. Flip through it or you're fired." Peter explain he did it Three-hundred times and it's a flip book. He orders her Flip through it or she is fired.

"Oh, my God! This is disgusting. Peter, for the last time, I'm not having sex with you in this office. Why the hell are you pushing this so hard?" Lois said as she is piss off and she asked him on why he is pushing this so hard on her.

"Because, Lois, I already wrote the letter to Penthouse Forum, and I don't want to be made a liar in the nudie magazine of reckon." Peter reply with he already wrote the letter to Penthouse Forum, and he doesn't want to be made a liar in the nudie magazine of reckon.

That's when Lois finally gives up on resisting peter request.

"All right, if I give you 30 seconds of making out, will that shut you up?" Lois said as she eventually complies

"Let's see where it goes." Peter said as they begin to kiss each other on the lips.

"Oh, God! You know this is pretty hot." Lois said as she unexpectedly enjoys it.

"Yeah, what did I tell you, huh?" Peter said as he pushed their kiss on the floor as they take off their clothes.

"Oh, God, Peter, let's do it. Let's do it right here, right now." Lois said as she wants to have sex with him on the floor now.

Until peter notice someone was in the room with them.

"Lois. Lois, wait. Wait! Opie's right there." Peter

I want him to look, Peter. Lois said as she goes back to making out with peter.

This cause Opie to freak out as they started to take of their underwear and bras.

"Walooo...walooo...walooo!" Opie shouted Gibberish as he run out of the office.

As Peter and Lois were done with his work after having sex with her in his office.

Well, that is the last of it. You are now all caught up with your work. Lois said as she tell peter that he is now all caught up with his work.

"Lois, I really appreciate you helping me out this week, and I really appreciate you having sex with me in my office." Peter said that he really appreciate Lois on helping him out this week, and he really appreciate her for having sex with him in his office.

"Well, that was my pleasure, too, Peter." Lois said as she enjoyed it too as she hug peter while text someone on her phone in secret to come to office later on for their secret love time.

Foreshadowing event hint hint!

"Ha, I knew I'd get you just like Danny DeVito got Rhea Perlman." Peter said as he set up a cutaway about Danny DeVito getting Rhea Perlman to marry him.

Cutaway

As the scene shows DeVito and Perlman appear.

"I don't know Danny" Rhea said.

"Look it's either me or nobody" Danny proposed that it's either me or nobody.

"Sold" Rhea agreed with Faced with no other choice, she accepts.

Cutaway Ends

Now back to the Frank and the gang as they arrive to Jillian's apartment.

All right, Frank, you can do this. You can dump her, because once it's done, never again will you have to listen to her talk like this? Stewie encourages Frank to break up with her because once it's done, never again will he have to listen to her talk like this.

That when Frank Jr take over the conversation.

"You know, where everything has a question mark at the end of it?" Frank Jr said in a Jillian tone where everything has a question mark at the end of it.

That when Emily take over the conversation.

"With an upward inflection? At the end of every sentence?" Emily said in jillian tone with an upward inflection and at the end of every sentence.

"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking? Oh, dammit, now I'm doing it too!" Frank said as he complain that he now doing the Jillian tone too.

We now join Frank as he was in the hallway, he walking toward the door and rang the doorbell and Jillian answers and open the door. Then Frank was shocked to see her nothing but a towel cover her body.

Oh, hey, Oogy! Oh, you look tense. Jillian said hi to frank until she notice Frank's expression.

"Well, Jillian, there is something we need to talk about." Frank said as he tries to break it off until something happened.

"What is it?" Jillian asked as she take her towel off her body and it's espouse her naked body.

"I just wanted to spend some time with you." Frank said as he is distracted by her nudity.

That's when Frank takes a long time talking to Jillian and ends up having sex with her instead. Tonight, his conquest was...the bedroom.

The one-sided couple wasted no time in making out a few minutes into their time alone. Frank's lips practically gnawing on Jill's plump and juicy ones. The two held on to one another and engaged in a sort of wrestle as they tried to assume a comfortable position on the futon.

Eventually, they found it; and without releasing their intimate lip lock. Frank towered over the blonde, straddling her hips in between his legs. She was pinned down from this angle, the back ends of her sandaled feet resting against the far arm of the couch. As Jillian's hands roamed aimlessly around Frank's body, the saiyan himself was busy feeling Jillian up and trying to rid her of her signature sky blue top.

Unsurprisingly, Jillian's braless C-cup breasts were exposed, jiggling as they were released from the restraint of fabric. Frank stopped the intense make out session long enough to carelessly toss the top aside, landing in a heap where the other clothes would soon join it. The make out session continued, and Frank's hands wandered down to cop a feel at Jillian's bare breasts, his erection growing as his intimate partner let out gasps of approval from his strong groping.

Jill's hips began to buck up as she too began to feel the sexual pleasure arise within her. With a final tug at her nipples, and a satisfied shriek from Jillian, Frank moved onto his next task; her pants. Jillian helped through this part by pulling her legs out of the khaki pant holes as Frank seductively tugged them off, stopping long enough to brush her clit through her panties making Jillian shiver in ecstasy.

The khaki's joined the top in the discard pile. Jillian's panties were soaked in pre-cum, and Frank was going to make her flow like a river. His lips grazed her exposed midsection and stopped at her clothed crotch. He then pressed his tongue to her soaked panties and licked upward once. Jillian shuddered and moaned.

"Frank, don't tease me like that!" She shrieked, arching her back and bucking her hips towards her alien boyfriend. Frank chuckled sadistically at the reaction and removed his girlfriend's remaining article of clothing, leaving her completely naked and ready. Frank stroked his shaft as he prepared to enter Jillian; spitting on his cock for lubrication and sliding his finger absentmindedly against Jillian's clit to keep her interested.

Frank delivered the final blow to the sexually impatient blonde by shoving his entire length into her entrance, earning himself the reward of hearing the sound of his girlfriend moan and shriek in pleasure.

Jillian dug her fingernails into her boyfriend's back, earning her a sexually pleasured growl in return. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she rode the pleasure train as Frank thrusted in and out of her.

"Frank...oh, I'm close!" Jillian exclaimed suddenly a few minutes later.

"Me too!" Frank replied, speeding up his actions. Jillian panted from the increase in speed and she rubbed her clit to edge her closer to her climax. It was a race to the big finish. If Frank finished first, it would mean pregnancy for Jillian. If Jillian finished first, it would mean Frank could pull out.

"Frank!" Jillian cried out, reaching her climax. Frank screamed in ecstasy as he felt himself build up from Jillian's vaginal muscles clenching around his cock from her climax. He quickly pulled out just in time to release his saiyan jizz on Jillian's bare stomach. The two panted and Frank collapsed next to his girlfriend on the futon. He pressed his face into the side of her breast and lay there catching his breath.

"Hey, Frank!" Jillian said in between puffs of air.

"Yeah?" Frank replied in a gasp of breath.

"I love you" Jillian stated that she is in love with him.

"I know, I love you too!" Frank replied as he still in love with her and he can't do it, knowing to the dangers of one-sided attraction.

As Stewie, Frank Jr and Emily is asleep in his car seat and Frank comes back. He slam his door and this cause Stewie, Brian, Frank Jr and Emily wakes up.

"What the hell? It took you 3 hours to break up with her?" Stewie question him on why it took 3 hours to break up with her.

"Uh, not exactly." Frank said in a nervous tone.

This caused Brian and Emily to look at him with questionable look.

"Well, what were you doing in there? What's that smell? Smells like sweat and anger and shame." Emily asked him on what was he doing in there and she asked on what's that smell of sweat anger and shame.

"Yep." Frank said as he nodded to Emily question.

As Frank Jr realized that his dad did break it off and now Jillian is a part of their family for now on.

"So she part of the family huh?" Brian and Frank Jr asked him with Frank nodded in agreement to that question.

"Life's confusing when you grow up, isn't it Frank?" Stewie asked Frank if Life's confusing when you grow up.

"It is." Frank answer with yes to Stewie's question with everyone nodded in agreement.

"Can we play my mixtape?" Stewie asked him if he can play his mixtape.

"Yeah, go ahead." Frank said as he allowed it.

As Stewie puts in the mixtape and "Cars" by Gary Numan begins to play. Stewie sings to the beat.

Stewie: Frank had sex...

with a really dumb girl...

now he's taking his friend Stewie...

to get some ice cream in his car.

But Frank, Frank Jr, Brian and Emily turns off the song

"Ohh, you're a poor sport." Stewie said as he didn't finish his song.

Chapter Ended

Well that's the fifth chapter of season 5, I hope you guys enjoy it. This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for the cutaway, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts and with that. See you next chapter my friends.