Chapter 88 - Barely Legal
As the scene show Frank Mallque Jr getting out of the refrigerator with a bag of peas on his head.
Frank Jr
I rock peas on my head,
but don't call me a pea head
Then next scene shows Peter Griffin with lots of bees on his head as the bees cover his hair like an afro.
Peter
Bees on my head
but don't call me a bee head
The next scene show John with a tiny Bruce lee figure on his head while the scene zoom out to show him doing a karate pose.
John
Bruce lee's on my head
but don't call me a lee head
Then next scene show Frank, Peter and Frank Jr in the Griffin bedroom as Frank is feed a bonsie tree with a milk bottle.
Frank, Peter and Frank Jr
Now excuse me please
we got's to get my tree fed
Then next scene shows the Griffin girls standing together as random scene pass by them and then it show Persephone using a sewing machine to make her own clothing
Meg, Persephone and Emily
You wear name brands
and I make my own clothing
Then the next scene shows Stewie with Brian on his lap with him having a loathing face.
Stewie
I hang out with an Dog
who loves self-loathing
"I hate myself!" Brian said at the people.
The next scene show Peter make pancakes until he puts on his face.
Peter
Pancake on my face makes me extra happy
Then next scene show Tyler with a shampoo bottle on his lap as he rubs like a baby.
Tyler
I like shampoo bottles that sit on my lappy
Then the scene show Frank telling the audience that they can't tell him what to do while a cartoon tells him to dance like a monkey. Then he has a lemon throw at him but used it in his beef stew.
Frank
Cuz it's my show you can't tell us whatta do
when life hands me lemons I make beef stew
Then the scene show the family wear burglar masks while they are rocking on a rocking chair couch. Then it show Peter putting a bologna in his left pocket while Lois put cream cheese in Frank's gold locket
Frank
So yo we gotta go it's time for us to rock it
Peter put bologna in his left pocket
Lois just smear some cream cheese in my gold locket
As the scene show Frank talking to the audience that it's his show. Then again with Frank with Frank Jr dancing behind him
Frank and Frank Jr
Cuz it's my show I'm Frank George Mallque
it's my show I'm shmanky jeews shmallques
it's my show I'm
Frank George Mallque.
As the scene ends with Frank Jr and Frank wearing hoody's while holding a sign that said Family Guy Mallque Chronicles Season 5 and it fade to black.
We now join Mayor Adam west at his mansion watching TV in his living room.
"And now back to Romancing the Stone." Announcer guy said as the scene shows Joan Wilder with Jack T. Colton in the jungle.
"The only way they're not going to kill my sister is if we give them the stone." Joan Wilder explain that they have to hide the stone and save her sister.
"Well, they're going to be looking everywhere. We'll have to hide it in my chin." Jack T. Colton said as he hides the stone within his chin.
"Uh-oh, here they come." Joan Wilder said with worried.
"You'd better get in there, too." Jack T. Colton said as Joan Wilder hides in Jack T. Colton's chin while peaking threw his chin hole.
Now back to the living room with Adam west.
"Good God, Joan Wilder's sister is being held hostage in Cartagena, and there's not a policeman in sight. I guess it's up to me." Adam west said as he takes it so seriously that he believes she's still missing.
The scene changes to channel 5 news with Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons.
"Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker." Tom Tucker said as he introduce himself to the audience.
"And I'm Diane Simmons." Diane Simmons said her name to the audience.
"Our top story: Mayor West has dispatched the entire Quahog police force to Cartagena, Columbia, to assist in the rescue of fictional 1984 movie character, Elaine Wilder." Diane Simmons said as she explains about Mayor West has dispatched the entire Quahog police force to Cartagena, Columbia, to assist in the rescue of fictional 1984 movie character, Elaine Wilder.
"More on that later. Now let's go to Ollie Williams' Cooking Corner. What are you making, Ollie?" Tom Tucker said as his move toward Ollie Williams with his cooking corner.
"Eggo!" Ollie Williams reply while shouting and hold a waffle in a cooking outfit.
"Thanks, Ollie. And now this." Tom Tucker said as the scene change to Lois in the living room with Meg and Emily.
Until peter calls them from outside.
"Lois, can you come out here for a second?" Peter said as he asked her to come outside.
As the girls come outside to see peter and Frank Jr riding a giraffe.
"Lois, can you run inside and get me some oranges or whatever it is these things eat?" Peter asked her on what does giraffe eat and get it from the kitchen because he doesn't even know right now.
"Dad, Frank Jr what the hell!" Meg shouted in shocked and in fear on what just happen.
"And how did you guys do this?" Emily asked in irritated tone.
"Peter, what is that?" Lois asked him on what he and her grandson were riding on.
"This would be a giraffe, Issac Newton." Frank Jr reply in snarky tone
"I stole it from the zoo. What with Mayor West sending all the cops away, everybody can do whatever they want." Peter explain that he and Frank Jr stole it from the zoo. What with Mayor West sending all the cops away, everybody can do whatever they want.
"Peter, I don't care what Mayor West has done. You can't just break the law." Lois explains that she doesn't care what Mayor West has done, they can't just break the law.
"Sure, I can. I've been doing it all week. Like yesterday, I and junior started a lovable gang of cockney pickpockets." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway about him and Frank Jr started a lovable gang of cockney pickpockets.
Cutaway
"All right, boys, the best targets are old, rich people." Peter explain to his gang of cockney pickpockets about their targets to pickpocket with.
There's one now. Go get him" Frank Jr ordered some boys as they pickpocket Herbert.
"Oh, no, there's no police here to help me! I hope you don't find the money strapped to my thigh" Herbert said in a calm tone.
Cutaway Ends
Now back with Frank Jr, Peter and Lois with the giraffe in their backyard.
Peter and Frank Jr, you two take that thing back where it belongs immediately. Lois said as she tell them that they need to return the giraffe back where it belongs immediately.
"All right, Grandma Lois!" Frank Jr reply in sad tone.
"I guess we gotta go back to the zoo, Allison Janney. Allison Janney?" Peter said as he turn around to see his giraffe disappear from them.
As the scene changes to the giraffe's head is seen peeking into Quagmire's house.
"Mmm...good morning, honey. Oh, yeah, that feels so good." Quagmire said from inside the house.
Until he notice something was wrong in this room and the giraffe who is licking him.
"Wha-HEY HEY HEY! What the hell?! You're not the same giraffe from last night! Get outta here!" Quagmire shouted at the giraffe from inside the house.
As the giraffe runs backwards kicking its hind feet into Cleveland's house, Cleveland is, once again, taking a bath with his don Menma join him.
"What the hell?" Menma said in shocked of his house being destroyed again.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, ¡no!" Menma and Cleveland said as they crash down on the front yard.
"We gotta stop taking our baths during Peter and Frank Jr's shenanigans." Cleveland said to his sons about them stop taking our baths during Peter and Frank Jr's shenanigans.
Now we join frank and Meg in the living room until they heard the phone ring and they answer it.
"Hello." Frank and Meg said hello on the phone to hear who it is.
"Oh, hey, Jillian. What's up?" Meg said as she know it's their shared girlfriend Jillian calling from her apartment.
"Frank and Meg, are you coming over to watch Laguna Beach tonight?" Jillian asked her boyfriend and girlfriend are coming over to watch Laguna Beach tonight.
"Uh, what time does it start?" Frank asked her on what time does it start.
"10:00 Eastern and Specific time." Jillian said 10:00 Eastern and Specific time which confused both Frank and Meg.
"What? What did you say? Specific time? Don't you mean Pacific Time?" Meg asked her if she means Pacific Time.
"No. I think it's called Specific time. They mean it starts specifically at 10:00." Jillian explains that it mean it starts specifically at 10:00.
Until they heard someone laughing in their line, Frank recognized it was Stewie.
"Stewie, are you on the line?" Frank asked Stewie on the phone if is on their line.
"Yes." Stewie said yes.
"Jillian, I'll talk to you later." Meg said as she hangs up the phone.
That's when Persephone and the boys return from school as Persephone came inside crying.
"Uh... so... Persephone. How was school for you guys?" Frank asking his sister in law on how was her day.
"Horrible. There's a dance Friday night and no one wants to go with me. Even my backup guy had plans." Persephone said as she explain what happened to her back up guy in a cutaway.
Cutaway
"Hi, Jimmy. Um, I heard you didn't have a date to the dance, and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me" Persephone asked Jimmy.
"Oh, uh, I, uh... H-Hang on. I'd love to go, Persephone, but... I have to go to my little brother's funeral that night" Jimmy said as he faked his crying after killing his brother.
Cutaway Ends
Now back to Frank, Meg, Persephone and Frank Jr in the living.
"Aw, I'm sure you'll find someone to go with you." Meg said as she tries to calm down her sister with john help.
"No, I won't. I'm so fat and gross. I should just kill myself." Persephone said as she going into the kitchen to kill herself.
"That's... Come on." Frank said as he tries to stop Persephone
"I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna kill myself 'cause no one will go with me." Persephone said as she rush to the kitchen to get a knife as everyone was trying to stop her by said it in a complain tone.
"Persephone, stop it. Come on." John said it in a complain tone
"All right, all right, Persephone, look, what if I... what if I drove you and walked in with you or whatever?" John said as he tries to ask her to the dance as her date.
"John, will you go with me?!" Persephone asked in happy tone
"Are you going to kill yourself if I don't?" John asked her if she going to kill herself if he doesn't.
"Yeah." Persephone said yes to that response.
"Well, then my hands are pretty much tied." John said in laughing tone as he knew he should back off but it's too late.
That's when Persephone give john a big hug and all his thoughts were not about getting up in her pants and make it work.
"Oh, john, thank you, thank you, thank you. I have to buy a new dress. All the ones I have make me look fat." Persephone said as she explain she needs to a new dress. All the ones she have make her look fat.
"Ooooh, Persephone?!" John said as he like her in anything.
Now we turn back to the channel six news with Tricia Takanawa talking to people on the streets.
"The story on everyone's mind continues to be the absence of police officers in Quahog." Tricia said as she explains what is on everyone's mind continues to be the absence of police officers in Quahog.
"Sir, as a citizen, how has this affected you?" Tricia asked a random Persephone in town.
"The police are gone? Oh, my God, we're finally safe!" The citizen said as he unzips his clothes to reveal that it was a black man which cause everyone wear black people disgust
Black people in their underwear Freedom, you see, has got our hearts singing so joyfully
Just look about
You owe it to yourself to check it out
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
Can't you feel a brand new day?
We now join Frank and Peter plus the gang at the drunken clam as they notice Joe in cop inform rolling in. but he looks exhausted.
"Hey, Joe, where you been? We haven't seen you in days." Frank asked Joe on where was he for the last few days.
"Ever since Mayor West deployed the police to Cartagena, I've been working nonstop. The only reason I didn't have to go myself is that South America isn't wheelchair accessible." Joe said as he explain that Ever since Mayor West deployed the police to Cartagena, he has been working nonstop. The only reason he didn't have to go himself is that South America isn't wheelchair accessible.
"Hey, you guys, we should help Joe out." Peter asked the group that they should help Joe on this problem with less cop thing.
"We could be cops, right, Joe?" Frank asking Joe if they can be cops.
"Well, we have started an emergency training program at the Police Academy, but I'm not sure that you're cut out for the job." Joe said as he explain that the cops have started an emergency training program at the Police Academy, but he is not sure that they're cut out for the job.
"Come on, we'll be great cops. Besides, it's bound to go better than my deep-sea training." Peter said as he set up a cutaway about his deep-sea training
Cutaway
"Well, we've got long time in this decompression chamber. You guys mind if I turn on the radio?" Peter asked as he turns on a device.
"Peter, don't!" one crew member refused but everyone's eyeballs popped out.
"Oh, nice going, jackass." The second crew member said to peter by calling him a jackass.
"Look what you did." The third crew member said as he know what he did.
"Excuse the hell out of me for trying to brighten your day with music, all right?" Peter argued.
"You idiot, use your brain." The third crew member said to peter about using his brain for once.
"You're an idiot." As Peter and the crew members argued, their eyeballs got tangled up.
"Stop, stop, stop. Oh, man, we're going to need some butter or something" Peter suggested.
Cutaway Ends
We now join john and frank dress for the dance as they wait for the Griffin twins.
"Oh, John, it is so nice of you to take Persephone to this dance. It really mean a lot to her." Lois said as she is happy for her daughter having a date for the dance.
"You got any soda?" John asked if she has any soda from his last fiasco.
"I put it in your coat pocket." Frank said as he fix john's tie.
That's when Stewie and Tyler come down from upstairs with announcement.
"Here she is. John, I present to you your polished turd for the evening." Stewie said as both twins come down in dress. Meg is wearing a dress similar to Jessica rabbit while Persephone has Sunset's Crystal Gala Assortment from My Little Pony Equestria Girls: Legend of Everfree.
"How do I look, john?" Persephone asked him while blushing.
"You sure do look pretty, Persephone." John said as he look star stuck by her beauty.
"FYI, the carpet matches the drapes in color and length." Tyler said to john which cause him to bitch slap for that comment.
Now we join Frank, Meg, John and Persephone at the James woods high school gymnasium for the dance. It was pack with teenagers far as the eye could see.
"Well, john, here we go. Oh, this is going to be so much fun." Persephone said as she and her sister are excited for this dance.
"God, this is going to be a long night." John said as he opens up a Pawtucket soda.
"Oh, john, let's dance. This song kicks ass." Persephone said as she grabs johns hand and rush towards the dance floor.
As everyone was slow dance in dance floor while the song being played during the dance scene are "Hold on to the Nights" by Richard Marx.
Richard Marx. Hold on to the nights
Hold on to the memories
As john slow dance while hug close to Persephone, he went for a drink of his soda while squeeze her cheeks.
Then the next scene show john and Persephone on the bleachers with the song, "Why" by Annie Lennox.
"Man, I got to tell ya, I can see why you'd be insecure along with your twin, Persephone. Some of these chicks are unbelievable." John said as he finally realize how the twin were so insecure being here because some of these chicks are unbelievable hot.
"John, can I ask you something? Are you drinking so much because you don't want to be here?" Persephone asked him if he is drinking so much because he doesn't want to be here.
"No, no, Persephone. It's-that's... My... God, look at these chicks. You know, the best thing about these girls is, even if you're terrible, they don't know the difference." John said as he tells her no while looking at the girls in this school are way too hot.
That's when Connie D'Amico come in with her crew.
"You know, Persephone and Meg, we don't allow dogs here, so you two gonna have to leave but john can stay." Connie said as she embarrassed Meg and Persephone at the dance.
"You know, Connie, I think I have a theory about why you're such a bitch." John said as he defends the twins by insulting Connie D'Amico about her inevitable future.
"Excuse me?" Connie said in shocked and anger.
"John, let's just go." Persephone said as she want to leave
"No, no, no, no, no, just hold on a second. You see, Connie, you're popular because you developed early and started giving hand jobs when you were twelve, but now you can't bear to look at yourself in a mirror because all you see is a whore." Frank said defends twins manages to bring Connie D'Amico down a level by telling her she developed early and put out at age 12, and now she was afraid that her body would be so worn out at age 19 that even her step-dad wouldn't want her.
"So you pick on Meg and Persephone to avoid the inevitable realization that by the time your body's used up by age nineteen, you'll be a worn out chalky-skinned burlap sack that even your stepdad won't want, how's that, am I in the ball park?" John said as he by insulting Connie D'Amico about her inevitable future.
This cause her to run in tears as they amazed the twins by their date's courage.
"Guys, that was amazing. No one's ever stood up for me like that." Persephone said as she was impress by that showmen ship.
"Hey, no problem. She's a... she's a skank. You know, you don't deserve all the crap you two get, Meg and Persephone, you know that?" Frank said as he tell the girls that they don't deserve all the crap they get.
"Thanks, guys." Persephone said as she thanks her friends for being there for her.
Almost immediately following this, john and Persephone make out. Then Frank and Meg make out as well, until john vomited on the floor.
"Sorry, that was the soda, not you." Frank said as he explain why john vomited and claims that it's from the booze, not Persephone.
"You gonna eat that?" John asked Persephone if she gonna get her chips.
The morning after Meg and Persephone's dance, Stewie, Tyler and Brian is sitting at the kitchen, as both Frank and John walks in hungover.
"Oh yes, the day can begin, good morning Frank and John." Brian said as he is excited by their appearance as he get ready to bust their ball about last night.
"Now we can do this one of two ways, I can bust your balls to pieces right now, or we could spread it out over the course of the day." Stewie explains they can do this one of two ways, Stewie can bust their balls to pieces right now, or they could spread it out over the course of the day.
"I don't want to talk about it." John reply with not talk about it.
"Well we do, so tell us everything that happened at the dance." Tyler beg them to tell them about what happed at that dance.
That's when the twins come into the kitchen all glowing with happiness.
"Morning, hubby." Meg said to her husband while giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Morning, cutie." Persephone said as she rubs John hair with affection as she and Meg went to get a glass of orange juice.
"H...h...hey." John said it in cranky tone while blushing at her affection.
"We all had so much fun last night, Frank." Meg said as she enjoy the dance with everyone.
"Hey, I thought maybe we could go get some coffee later." Persephone asked john if they can get some coffee latter on the day.
"Uh..I..I don't think so." John reply no as he tries to change the conversation.
"Oh come on, who's a good boy? Who's a good boy huh? Who's a good boy?" Persephone said as she tries to praise him while make him say yes.
"Me..." John reply with a grin.
"Oh yes, yes, yes who's a good boy?" Persephone said as she continues to praise him while make him say yes.
"I am, I'm a good boy...uh...no no no...look..I..I..I..I got stuff to do today. Alright? Sorry." John said to her that he got stuff to do.
"All right? Sorry. We should hook up anyway. I'll bug you later." Persephone said as she and her twin leave the kitchen.
This cause both Frank and John turn to Tyler, Brian and Stewie, they see their smug face which piss both boys out.
"Well, she seems to have taken a shine to you, John." Tyler said in a smug tone.
"With a little encouragement, you might get her to put her cankles behind her ears." Stewie said to john that he might have sex with her in some point in time.
"Stewie, shut up." Frank tells Stewie to shut his cake hole.
"Who the hell is texting me at 8:00 a.m.?" John said as he notice who text him and it was Persephone, who wrote a very sexual text.
This cause both Stewie, Tyler and Brian to realize something is wrong.
"Wait a minute. Something did happen last night." Stewie said as he realized that's something happen to john in that dance.
"Look, it's not that big a deal, all right? We just... we just... made out a little." John explain that he and Persephone made out a little.
"Tell me about it! Go." Brian said as he get excited by this news.
"It didn't mean anything. I had a few too many sodas and... It's not even worth going into." John said as he tells them that it's not a big deal.
"Dude, j-man, you just hit first base." Tyler exclaim that he is in the league of get his first girlfriend.
"This is even a bigger jackpot than when the Emperor figured out the formula for great Star Wars dialogue." Stewie said as he set up a cutaway about the Emperor figured out the formula for great Star Wars dialogue.
Cutaway
"Something something something dark side. Something something dark complete" Emperor Palpatine said to a rebel knight.
Cutaway Ends
As The music playing when Peter, Frank and the gang arrive at the Quahog Police Academy bears similarities to the theme song from the Police Academy movies. Frank specifically also wears a T-shirt that says "ONE IN THE OVEN" as worn by Mahoney.
"Well, this is it. Our first day of Police Academy IV." Frank said as he mentions that "it is our first day at Police Academy 4," in which ordinary civilians are trained as police officers.
"Welcome to the Police Academy. We're going to start by learning how to do a cavity search. Peter, you will be the police officer and Quagmire, you will be the suspect. Begin." Joe said as he explains that the group is gonna start by learning how to do a cavity search.
As peter will be the police officer and Quagmire will be the suspect, they begin the cavity search.
"Sir, I suspect you are in possession of drugs, and I'm going to have to give you a full cavity search. Drop your pants." Peter explain to quagmire that he suspect him in possession of drugs, and he is going to have to give him a full cavity search. He also asked him to drop his pants.
While quagmire drop his pants, peter then also drop his pants.
"Uh, Peter, you don't have to pull your pants down." Joe tell peter that he doesn't have to drop his pants as well.
"Oh, sorry. I'm still learning." Peter said as he pull up his pants.
"All right, start the search." Joe said as he commands peter to begin his cavity search.
As Peter does his cavity inspection of Quagmire, he finds a cell phone, a door knob, a piece of cheese, a wind-up racecar, a live fish, a DVD of the 1997 Nickelodeon film Good Burger, a xylophone, and a mallet.
"I think that's everything." Peter said as he took everything from inside quagmire ass.
"You want me to double-check?" Frank asked him if he wants him to double check the ass. While Bruce nods in agreement.
Now we join john and Frank Jr in the living room as Persephone by.
"Hi, honey." Persephone said hello to her lover.
"What?" John said in shocked.
"I was thinking about our kiss last night. I never knew how flat and wide your tongue was. Yeah... You know, I thought about how you stood up for me at the dance, and all the nice things you said. We should totally be boyfriend and girlfriend." Persephone asked as she becomes obsessed with John and begins to make bizarre advances at him.
"Well, Persephone, uh, you know what's strange? "I-I-I think I might be gay. Um I saw this penis on the internet today, and thought to myself "Well, that's just fine!" john said as he make an excuses to pretend to be gay to get out of this situation.
"I'm going to the mall later. Maybe you can come and help me pick out some underwear." Persephone asked john if he wants to come to the mall with her and pick some underwear.
As john gets Horney, but he thinks of something else while getting out of this situation. It came in the form of Chris as he enters the living room.
"I don't think that's gonna be a possibility. I have... plans, um... with Chris. Chris and I have plans this afternoon." John said as he tells her he has plans with Chris.
"We do?" Chris said in confusion
"Yeah, we're doing that thing. We're doing... what you usually do on a Thursday afternoon." John said as he hope Chris has plans today.
"Masturbate?" Chris said to masturbate.
"That's it. That's what we're going to do together." John said as he has plans with Chris to masturbate together today.
"Well, maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you I'm not 100% on this." Chris said as his not100% on this with john.
That's when Lois came into the living room.
"Oh, there's the cute prom couple." Lois said as she happy that her daughter is dating someone.
"Hi, Mom. Is it cool if John and I go to the mall this afternoon?" Persephone said as she tell her mother that she and john are going to the mall.
"Actually, I thought I was pretty clear..." john said as he tries to tell the truth but lois interrupts.
"Oh, of course it's okay. Ever since that dance, you two have become such good friends." Lois said as she is happy that they became such a good couple.
"Who would have thought? Oh, we're more than friends, Mom. Last night at the dance, John..." Persephone said as she tries to explain what happed last night.
This alerted Brian to take action for his friend.
"Last night, they decided to be best friends." Brian said as john nodded in agreement which made Persephone put cutie and made john more Horney.
"Right, Persephone? Come on. Let's go to the mall. We'll get ya... get ya a big ol' pretzel." John said as he takes Persephone hand and drag her out the door.
"I want a pretzel, too!" Stewie and Frank Jr said as they both race toward the exist with Brian followed them.
"John, I'm ready? You in or out?" Chris said as he shout off screen.
We now join John, Persephone, Brian and Stewie going to the mall as Persephone is trying to hold hand while john is trying to get out of holding hands. Then they made it to the food court, where they meet Meg and Persephone's friends, Esther, Ruth, Beth and patty.
"Everyone, this is john watts." Persephone said as she introduce her friend to john.
"Oh, this is John." Esther said in happiness.
"He does look like Ben Affleck." Ruth said as she thinks john looks like ben Affleck.
"He looks just like Ben Affleck." Beth said as she also thinks john looks like ben Affleck.
"Is that Ben Affleck?" Patty said as she feels that john is ben Affleck.
"Hey." John said hello like a cool dude.
"So, how did you guys meet?" Patty asked Persephone and john on how they met.
"I'm, uh, a friend of her dad's and friend of her brother in law." John said as he explain to the girls that he is friends with Meg's husband.
"Ooh, he's older." Beth said in excitement for john being an older man.
"He's cute." Ester said john is very cute.
"Do you have a brother?" Ruth asked if john has a brother.
"Makeup and stickers and ponies and ." Patty said random girls shit.
"John's the first serious boyfriend I've ever had." Persephone said to her home girls that John is the first serious boyfriend she ever had.
"Uh, Persephone, can I talk to you for a second?" John said as he take Persephone ot another table so they can talk to each other alone.
"Look, this has gone a little too far. I like you. I think you're great, but what happened at the dance was... I mean, that dating was just a mistake." John explain that this this has gone a little too far. He like her. He think she is great, but what happened at the dance was just a mistake.
"Oh no! Did I do something wrong? Was it because I didn't give your blow job first?" Persephone said as she tries to think on what she did wrong.
"What? No! I mean yes, that's how I know you were interested, but Persephone, the fact is that you and I are friends, and that's the way it needs to stay for now. Besides, I have no luck with girlfriend since that accident. John said as he still remembers what happened to his last girlfriend.
"All right, John. I understand." Persephone said in a sad tone that she understands that john needs his space.
"Good. I'm gonna grab Frank Jr, Brian and Stewie, then we can go." John said as he went to find the trio before they leave the mall.
"What's that, John? Oh, you were just kidding. I know you were. I love you, too, John. And you love me. You do love me, John." Persephone said Because of this, Persephone becomes obsessed with John.
Now we join john in the living room as Persephone come in with a pie she make.
"Hey, John." Persephone said hello to john.
"Oh, Persephone, hey. Hey, listen, I hope you're feeling all right about out little talk the other day. You know, about us being just friends and all." John said as he tries to tell Persephone if she is okay after what happened yesterday.
"Oh. Yeah. No, I'm fine, I'm fine. And... Hey, look, I wanted to thank you for being so great to me. So, I baked you a pie." Persephone said she is fine and she want to give john a piece of pie.
"Oh, wow. Hey, that looks delicious. Mmm, oh, this is good. What's in there?" John said as he likes the pie and he asked Persephone what in the pie.
"Well, there's some apples and some cinnamon and my hair." Persephone said the ingredients and one of them was her hair.
"What?" John said in shocked while he stop eating the pie.
"My hair's in the pie, John. And now it's inside of you. Part of me is inside of you, John. Do you feel me, John? Do you feel me inside of you?" Persephone explain that her hair's in the pie and now it's inside of john. Part of her is inside of john. Do john feel her? Do he feel her inside of him?
As she rub his cheek and she leave the living room while john still look shocked. That's when Stewie and Brian come in to the living room.
"Oh, you got some pie, uh? Can I have a piece?" Stewie asked him for his slice of pie to eat.
"Uh, sure." John said as he past his slice of pie to Stewie.
"Ooh, let me have some of that Cool Hwhip." Stewie asked john some cool whip for his pie.
"What'd you say?" John asked him on what he said.
"You can't have a pie without Cool Hwhip." Stewie said you can't have a pie without Cool Hwhip.
"Cool Hwhip?" John said in confusion by the word Cool Hwhip.
"Cool Hwhip, ya." Stewie said the name wrong.
"You mean Cool Whip?" John asked him if he means cool whip.
"Ya, Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong.
"Cool Whip." John said Cool Whip
"Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong.
"Cool Whip." John said Cool Whip
"Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong.
That's when Brain and Frank Jr came into the living room and they hear this argument and they agree with john on this plus Brian join in the conversation
"You're saying it weird, why are you putting so much emphasis on the H?" Brian asking Stewie on why he is saying it weird, why are he putting so much emphasis on the H?
"What are you talking about? I'm just saying it, Cool Hwhip. You put Cool Hwhip on pie. Pie tastes better with Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong while defend that he is saying it right.
"Say Whip." John said to Stewie repeat the word whip
"Whip." Stewie said whip
"Now say Cool Whip." Brian said to Stewie to say cool whip.
"Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong.
"Cool Whip." John said Cool Whip.
"Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong.
"Cool Whip." Brian said Cool Whip.
"Cool Hwhip." Stewie said the name wrong.
"You're eating hair!" John and Brian said as they were piss and they decided to tell Stewie that he is eating hair from the pie just to spite him.
"PPFFTT!" Stewie spits out the pie.
Now we turn to Lois and Meg at the kitchen making breakfast as both Frank and Peter arrive at the kitchen in police uniforms.
"Well, Lois and Meg, me and Frank are now graduates of the Quahog Police Academy. And an official on-duty cop." Peter explain to his wife and daughter that he and Frank are now graduates of the Quahog Police Academy.
"I can't believe I'm married to a big, scary police officer." Meg said as she is excited and turn on by Frank being on the police force.
"Just keep your eyes on the eggs, ma'am." Frank said as he shot his gun in the frying pan.
"Yes, officer! You are such a dirty cop." Meg said as she get more turn on.
"Don't break those yolks, ma'am." Frank said as he shot his gun in the frying pan again but it hit Meg on the shoulder.
"Oh, my God, Meg, I hit you!" Frank said in panic as he checks his wife if she is okay.
"I know. Now stick your finger in there and twist it!" Meg said as she dare him to go into her wound, then stick his finger in there and twist it!
That's when john came into the kitchen with Frank Jr with worried looks.
"Hey, uh, Lois, can I talk to you for a second?" John asked Lois if she can talk to him for a second.
"I think we may have a problem with Persephone." Frank Jr explains to Lois that john is having problems with Persephone.
"You're telling me. She's been locked in her room all day. Who knows what she's doing up there." Lois said as she set up a cutaway about Persephone being locked in her room.
Cutaway
As we see Persephone spins a medallion while wearing john's shirt, she then turns the lights on and off, while listening to opera.
Cutaway Ends
We now join John, Frank Jr and Lois at the living room.
"Yeah, well, the thing is, Persephone is becoming a little enamored with me, and I'm kind of losing control of the situation." John explains that Persephone is becoming a little enamored with him, and he is kind of losing control of the situation.
"Oh, she's just grateful you took her to the dance." Lois said as she tells John that Persephone just grateful to him took her to the dance.
"Well, uh, I think it's more than that. Uh... So, here's the thing, and don't get mad. And that part I can't stress enough. That's a great shirt, by the way. Um, I may have made out with Persephone." John explains that he may have made out with Persephone.
You did what? Lois said in shocked while Frank Jr face palms himself.
"I may have made out with Persephone." John said it again while Frank Jr just hit himself on the couch for how stupid John is by say that to Lois who is starting to get piss off.
As Lois pauses and then punches John in the face.
"Whoa, that's got to hurt a lot!" Frank Jr said in shocked and being surprised by that blow.
"OK, I had that coming." John said as he was fine since he is immortal and has a healing factor.
"What the hell is wrong with you, you sick bastard?!" Lois said
"Look I was drinking." John said as he explain that he was drink his soda.
"Ohhh, what a shock!" Lois said in a sarcastic tone.
"Hahahahaha, you gave him the stuff, you idiot!" Frank Jr said while he sarcastically laughs.
"Look the short version is, this morning she made me eat the hair in her pie." John said as he explain that Persephone made him eat hair that make into a pie but Lois thought of something perverted.
As Lois punches John again.
"No, it's not what you think. Stewie had some too." John said as he explain that Stewie ate some of that hair pie as well but it didn't turn out good.
As Lois punches John again
"Stop punching me!" John shouted as Lois is start hut her hand since John is not getting hurt but her hand is.
"Look, John, I don't know what the hell happened between you two, but you'd better go upstairs and straighten it out right now. This is even worse than when Brian ate that bubblegum out of the garbage." Lois said as set up a cutaway about Brian eating that bubblegum out of the garbage.
Cutaway
"Brian, did you get into the garbage last night?" Lois asked.
"Uh, no. Why?" Brian answered.
"Don't lie to me, Brian" Lois frowned.
"I'm not lying" Brian said as he farts bubblegum out of his butt.
Cutaway Ends
As we join John goes up to Twins' room and tells her he is not attracted to her.
"Uh, Persephone, you got a minute?" John said as he didn't get an answer as he enter their room.
What he saw in the room shocked him as it had lots a pictures of him cover all the wall and mirrors.
"What the hell?" John said in shocked.
As Persephone appears behind the door.
"I made that for you, John." Persephone said in a spooky tone.
"Whoa that was scary beyond belief!" Brian said in shocked by the jump scared by Persephone.
"Persephone! Look, you obviously didn't hear me yesterday so I'll explain it again." John said as he tells her that they are not date so he explain it again.
"And here to assist John is the headmaster for the New York School for the Hard of Hearing, Mr. Garret Morris." Frank Jr said as he introduce the headmaster for the New York School for the Hard of Hearing, Mr. Garret Morris.
As Garret Morris appears in as the head of the New York School for Deaf People where he would simply shout the top story read by Weekend Update reader, Chevy Chase. But now he is here to help John, Brian and Frank Jr.
"Persephone, we're not boyfriend and girlfriend!" John said to her that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend.
"WE'RE NOT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND!" Garret Morris repeats what john said.
"I will never be attracted to you." John tells her he is not attracted to her.
"I WILL NEVER BE ATTRACTED TO YOU!" Garret Morris repeats what john said again.
"You're acting like a psycho bitch." Brian said that Persephone is acting like a psycho bitch
"YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A PSYCHO BITCH!" Garret Morris repeats what Brian said.
"Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow." Frank Jr says "Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow," which was the closing line during Chevy Chase's tenure on Weekend Update.
"GOOD NIGHT, AND HAVE A PLEASANT TOMORROW!" Garret Morris repeats what Frank Jr said.
As Frank Jr, John and Brian walks out the door of the twin's room, Garret Morris disappears.
As Persephone grinds her teeth in anger.
"I won't be ignored, John!" Persephone said as she will not be ignored.
As Garret Morris reappears right next to her.
"Ooh, I like your ass." Garret Morris tells Persephone that she has a nice ass.
Later that night, Persephone is in the kitchen and she shakes a bag of video game, this cause John to run into the kitchen. But she knocks John out, puts him in the trunk of his car and drives away.
In the scene where the guys are sitting in Peter's living room after becoming cops as Emily is pass off drinks to the crew.
"Joe, I gotta tell you, this whole cop thing ain't as exciting as I thought it was gonna be. When do we get to shoot some bad guys?" Peter said as he complain about the cop job isn't exciting as I thought it was gonna be. He asked on when they get to shoot some bad guys.
"Guys, it's not all about action. It's about staying vigilant until you're needed." Joe explain that the job it's not all about action. It's about staying vigilant until you're needed.
"What are you doing?" Quagmire asked him on what he is doing.
As Joe is looking out the window, allegedly watching his wife Bonnie undress.
"I'm watching Bonnie undress." Joe admits he likes watching his wife Bonnie undress from afar.
"Bonnie's your wife." Cleveland said in confusion on why Joe watching his wife undress.
"I know, I like to watch her strip and pretend she's a woman who I've never met but who looks just like Bonnie and lives in my house. GET NAKED, YOU STRANGE WHORE!" Joe said as he explain that he like to watch her undress while imagining she is a strange woman who lives in his house.
That's when Lois and Meg came into the living room as she has a worried look on her face.
"Peter and Frank, I haven't seen Persephone or John since last night. I think something may have happened." Lois asked if they see Persephone as something bad may have happened.
"Mom, is it bad if I saw Persephone tie up John last night, put 'em in the truck of his car and drive away?" Chris tells Lois about what Persephone did.
"What?! Chris, why didn't you say anything?" Meg asked in shocked
"I dropped a ball, I'm sorry. I have just been buried in paperwork for the past 72 hours." Chris explain that he busted a nut and he had to clean his mess up.
"Gross, Chris just gross!" Emily said in disgust.
This cause Lois to into a shocked worried mood.
"Oh my god, John and Frank Jr was right!" Lois said in worried tone.
"My sister, Persephone really must be obsessed with him!" Meg said as she worried about her sister mental health.
"Oh Peter, we gotta find them!" Lois said as she asked peter to help find her daughter and their adopted child.
Before peter can say anything, Frank interrupts him.
"Don't worry, Mom, we're the police. And we'll do our very best to find john and Persephone." Frank said as he promised that he and his crew will find them.
We now join ourselves at the Barrington Hotel, where they see Persephone has tied John up with packaging tape. As they are having dinner at best suit in the hotel.
"I'm really having a great time tonight, john. I can't believe you went to all this trouble." Persephone said as she is havng a good time with this force dinner they are having.
"Well, you know me." John said in nervous tone
"Oh, I do, john. I know you so well. So, are you ready?" Persephone said as she begins to undress.
"For what?" John said as he starting to get turn on by Persephone getting nude.
"For the fun we're gonna have, john. We're gonna have fun tonight. Good, old-fashioned, all-American fun." Persephone said as she in her undies and bra while looking skinning and hot as she climb on top of john.
As she is about to rape him while dragging her finger on his tape body, John distract her.
"Listen, Persephone, I'm not gonna lie to you here. I'm a little uncomfortable." John said as he feels very uncomfortable and horney.
"Oh, just relax. We're going to be here for a hwhile." Persephone said tells John that they're going to be at the hotel for a "whhile"
"Well, I don't know if... Wait. What?" John asked him on what she said.
"We're going to be here for a hwhile." Persephone said the name wrong.
"A hwhile?" John said in question of the word.
"Yeah, a hwhile." Persephone said the name wrong.
"You mean a while." John asked him if he means a while.
"A hwhile." Persephone said the name wrong.
"A while." John said the word, a while right.
"A hwhile." Persephone said the name wrong.
"A while. John said the word, a while right.
"A hwhile." Persephone said the name wrong.
"A while." John said the word, a while right.
"John, you're acting hweird." Persephone saying he's acting "whheird"
"Oh, come on. That one doesn't even have an H in it." John said in a piss off tone while that word doesn't even have an h in it.
As Lois, Meg, Frank, Tyler, Stewie, Brian, Zeke, Rage, Menma, Negi and Emily, Peter, Cleveland, Joe and Quagmire track them down at the room of the Barrington Hotel
"Don't move, dirtbag!" Menma and Cleveland yells "Don't move, dirtbag!" a line that was said by Sgt. Hooks from Police Academy.
As everyone look at Persephone in shocked and disgust.
"Holy crap, what the hell is this?" Negi said in shocked on what he is seeing right now.
"John, she's a teenager." Zeke said in anger that Persephone is a teenager.
"Yeah, John. You're doing the same thing that Mia Farrow did to that Chinaman that Woody Allen brought home from the circus." Peter tells John that what he's doing to Persephone is worse than what Mia Farrow did to that Oriental guy that Woody Allen brought home from the circus.
This cause both Tyler and Frank Jr look at peter in a confusion.
"Dad, hold on to that thought because I'm gonna explain to you when we get home all the things that are wrong with that statement." Emily said to peter that hold on to that thought because she is gonna explain to him when they all get home all the things that are wrong with that statement.
"But first, Persephone, you need to let john go." Lois said to her daughter to let john go.
"But, Mom, I love him!" Persephone said out loud.
"Honey, you're just confused." Lois tells Persephone that she is not thinking right
"I'm not confused! I've never been more certain about anything in my life! I need him!" Persephone insists that she has never been surer of anything in her life.
"Persephone, I know that's what you think right now, but you're... Oh, God, I wish I could make you understand. You don't know what you need." Emily struggles to explain and says Persephone does not know what she needs.
"I know what she needs." Frank said out loud with quagmire agreement with him
"You do?" Meg said in question.
"You bet. Bring her by quagmire's house around 8:30 tonight. I'll take care of her." Frank said as he and Quagmire offers his services to straighten Persephone out.
We now join Persephone as she arrives at quagmire's house next door to their house as the door opens and reveals both Frank and Quagmire.
"Hi, Frank and Mr. Quagmire. Mom said I should come over here." Persephone
"Have a seat, Persephone. Soon it'll all become clear." Frank said as the tone implies that he will try to take advantage of Persephone.
"Excuse me, while I get a little more comfortable." Quagmire said it seems even more likely when he puts on seductive music, dims the lights, strips down to a speedo and sits down beside her.
But instead of sleeping with her as expected, he has a heart-to-heart talk with her.
"Persephone, I've watched you grow up from a playful little girl into a very special young woman. Now you probably just think of me as square old Mr. Quagmire from next door, but I've been around the block a few times, learned a couple things, and I can tell you this, there's no reason to grow up too fast. Teenage girls are exposed to so much these days. I can see why a relationship looks glamorous, but you've got all the time in the world and a lot of wonderful experiences ahead of ya." Quagmire explaining that she doesn't need to have a boyfriend to have fun as a teenager.
This cause Frank to make a confession to Persephone about john's problem.
"Also John was date while you two were your break from the band since Saturday night live, he ended up dating Brooke from "The Bachelorette" comes to Quahog during season 4. They end up having some sex, but then the girl became pregnant, it should have been a great day but it went wrong. As she her tummy expanded to such levels until she exploded. That's why he doesn't want to date yet, it wasn't natural. He need to find out who caused this." Frank telling her that her entire life is still ahead of her and she should not be in such a hurry to grow up with john yet before assuring her that she and john will have right one day
"Hang on. I want to give you something." Quagmire said as he turn to his bookshelf to get one book that's important to him.
"This book helped me when I was about your age. It let me know that as long as I kept on rolling, I'd find that one person who would make me whole." Quagmire said as he gives her a book, Shel Silverstein's The Missing Piece, to guide her.
"Thanks, Frank and Mr. Quagmire." Persephone said as she hug the book while thanking her friends for their advice.
"You don't have to thank me. Now get on out of here, you little scamps." Quagmire said as lets them leave his house with assurance that Persephone gonna be okay now.
He then walks into his bedroom, where two of his one-night stands await with an array of sex toys, and it turns out that all of Quagmire's seemingly erotic antics were actually in preparation for this tryst. As Quagmire goes into his bedroom to have sex with two hookers.
"Alright, ladies, you ready for action?" Quagmire asked them if they are ready for some awesome sex tonight.
We sure are, Glenn. Do you have the hwhip? Girl Said as she put off by how one of them pronounces the word "whip".
"Got it right he...Wait, what?" Quagmire responds with disbelief.
As the scen turn to black and then it show the credits, Tom Tucker reports at channel 5 news.
"Hello, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up at 11:00, Quahog police return to active duty after giving up the search for fictitious Romancing the Stone character Elaine Wilder. Plus, in national news, America's scoutmasters are asking: "Why are the kids so shy in the shower?" And in entertainment, is Annette Benning made of leather? A local tanner has a surprising revelation. We'll have all this and what else, Ollie?" Tom Tucker reports that the Quahog Police have called off the search for Elaine Wilder and are heading back to Quahog.
"Sports!" Ollie shouted spots offscreen.
"And sports join us at 11:00." Tom tucker said as the chapter ends.
Chapter Ended
Well that's the eighth chapter of season 5, I hope you guys enjoy it. This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for the cutaway, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts and with that. See you next chapter my friends.
