Chapter 6: Experiments in Dating

In which Yamato finds he enjoys planning dates...and it gets him into trouble.

(Alternatively, Hana learns there's more to Yamato than meets the eye.)


The neighborhood was really coming along. Hana was keenly aware of the physical toll that building house after house took on Yamato, so the first thing she did was slow down the pace of the development. She assured the Hokage that this would come with a tradeoff in quality, and so Kakashi reluctantly increased the length of Yamato's mission. Although Yamato was a little insulted at first, in hindsight, extending the project from one month to three gave them time and space to really engage in the project, and he was having more fun than he ever dared hope.

Yamato still ended each day utterly exhausted, but working with Hana was mentally stimulating for him. She brought forth new and ingenious architecture that he had to grapple with in order to create. New layouts, multiple stories, and yet she left room for him to work with, to put his own stamp on the buildings. It was a perfect marriage of engineering, design, and architecture, and both he and she were very pleased with the result.

What's more, she asked if they could spend more effort on the overall layout of the neighborhood, and now that they had more time and different housing designs to work with, the northern sector of the village had a more organic appearance. The whole ordeal lifted Yamato's spirits, and it was one of the most fulfilling missions he had ever been assigned since the war ended. Working with Hana even gave him new ideas for his jutsu, and that was saying a lot.

Hana, meanwhile, really stepped out of her shell by taking on the role of project manager. She had a clear vision, and with Yamato's encouragement and support, she started to speak her mind more clearly and more regularly. No longer were the other men on the project waiting for Yamato to build houses, but they took an active role in other areas, such as painting, wiring, plumbing, and even landscaping.

As the project wound to a close, however, both Yamato and Hana were reluctant to see it end. The evening before the neighborhood unveiling, on their last day of work, they lingered behind after everyone else left, checking on final details and making sure no stone was left unturned.

Hana watched Yamato put some final touches on the arch that signaled the entrance to the neighborhood. It was beautiful, with crisscrossing lines and curves that could have been carved by a master woodworker. She walked up to the gate, running a hand over one of the ornate wooden gardenias that wove their way up the side of the arch.

"Yamato, would you like to do one last walk around the neighborhood, for old times' sake?"

Typically, at the end of the work week, they walked the large loop of the neighborhood and discussed the next week's plans. Without another week on the project, this was now unnecessary, but Hana was not yet ready to say goodbye to this habit. She found the regularity of it comforting.

"That sounds nice," Yamato replied.

The fading light of the day gave the street a tangerine glow. Large windows on the houses reflected the sunset colors, creating a rather inviting ambiance. A gentle breeze stirred, rustling leaves on the newly grown trees; fall would be upon them soon, but the warmth of Konoha summers would linger well into the new season.

"We did a good job," Hana reflected.

"Too good, actually," Yamato answered. "The officials considered raising the prices of these homes because they're so nice."

Hana frowned. "But we came in on budget. And I thought these were supposed to be affordable houses, for new families arriving in Konoha."

"That was before you came on the project. The problem is that those who already live here are displeased that incoming refugees will receive better housing than current residents."

"Oh…" Had she known, she could have done something different with the neighborhood.

"It's alright though. Kakashi-senpai made sure that wouldn't happen this time. But he might not be able to prevent it in the future."

"Do you think we'll be asked to build more neighborhoods like this?" she asked.

"Maybe we will, but there's only one of me, and I'm going to be sent on another mission soon. The regular type."

"Well…I've enjoyed working with you, Yamato." Hana looked up at the shinobi she was walking with. She would miss him, that was certain. The past few months had been an absolute dream. Never had she been able to share her passions with someone like this before, someone who just totally understood her. Even Tazuna and Inari, during her apprenticeship, had thought her designs a little funny. But not Yamato.

She suddenly giggled.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you remember when it rained, and some of the houses started leaking?"

Yamato turned red. What a mess that had been. For some reason, he hadn't read her blueprints the right way, and gaps in his structures caused five of them to flood. "No more than I remember your pillar home," he teased.

Hana laughed nervously. "I'm glad you never actually tried to build that one." She had sketched a new concept, but when Yamato saw the draft, he gently told her that it looked a little…well…phallic. She was mortified, and that design got thrown into Yuna's furnace after she showed it to her friends and they all had a good laugh.

They finished their walk and stood in the archway together, gazing out over the neighborhood.

"Which one is your favorite?" Hana asked. "If you had to choose one to live in?"

"Hmm…I had something more unique in mind, if I ever get around to designing my own home. What about you?"

"Same. I've had a dream home since I was little, sketched out and everything."

This intrigued Yamato. If left up to her, he wondered what her mind would come up with. "Can I see it?"

Hana's face grew bright at his interest. "Yes! Do you have time? It's at home."

Yamato followed Hana through Konoha and back to her apartment. When she opened the door and let him in, he couldn't help but stare. The apartment layout was a simple two bedroom unit, looking anything but. She had turned one of the bedrooms into an office, where a large drafting table lay with sketches in various stages of completion. Pencils, rulers, and all sorts of measuring implements lay about. Hana rummaged there now, looking for her blueprint, but Yamato was distracted by the rest of the apartment.

Everything in it was unique, functional but beautiful, and nothing was extraneous. She obviously liked natural wood finishes and earthy tones. The furniture was simple, but modern, and her choice in art made him feel like he'd been brought to the future, but not in a bad way. The lines were clean, organic, and used materials he did not typically see in furniture. Some of the shapes were geometric and had pleasing, repeating patterns, and it captivated him. It contrasted with his own personal taste - he liked antiques and old things - but he was not put off by the way she decorated. He saw the model of the cloud scratcher that he'd made sitting on her bookshelf, and he thought it actually paired very nicely with the rest of her things.

"Okay! I found it," she said excited, coming from her studio and unfolding a sketch on the coffee table.

Yamato peered over it, smoothing the corners out to help lay it flat. The building was beautiful. Open floor plans, large windows, and a design that flowed and integrated into the landscape. The roof came together triangularly, but with a shallow pitch, and the outside was characterized by wood and stone.

"Wow…" he said.

"...What do you think?" she asked.

"It's different from anything I've ever seen before," he told her. "Much like the furniture and art in your apartment."

"...Do you like it? I designed and made most of it myself…"

"It makes me feel…warm…and welcome." He paused, looking around. "I think I do like it." It gave him a glimpse of Hana's mind, and that, certainly, he liked. "Maybe I'll have to have you design a home for me someday."

He caught her eye and held her gaze. Her eyes were a warm brown, and her irises had concentric rings that reminded him of annual growth rings in trees. He'd never noticed before, but her eyes were beautiful. Yamato thoroughly enjoyed this woman's company, and he considered he would like to extend their time together, if possible.

"Hana," he said in an inquisitive tone, "would you like to go on a date sometime?"

Her eyes widened, her lips parted ever so slightly, and her ears turned bright red. "A d-date?"

He smiled bashfully at her surprise. "Yes, if spending more time with me doesn't sound like too much trouble."

"N-n-no!" she stuttered. Her eyes lit up, and she added rather intensely, "I'd like to spend more time with you!"

He laughed at her enthusiasm, and her entire face flushed in mortification. "I'm very glad," he told her. "How does Thursday evening sound?"

"Cool," she said breathlessly, "I mean, yes! I mean, Thursday sounds great!" She silently reprimanded herself for acting so uncool. She was totally flustered, and hoped he wouldn't rescind his offer.

He laughed again. "Wonderful. Then I'll pick you up at seven."

"Great!" She didn't know what to do, so she stuck out her hand out of habit, and then felt her face grow even more red as her mind caught up with her action. He nearly laughed again, but he took her hand in his and shook it. His eyes were sparkling at her.

"Nice doing business with you," he joked. "I'll see you on Thursday, Hana."

He left her apartment, leaving her an awkward mess. She sat down in her favorite armchair in disbelief, both at what he just asked her and how she responded. She could not fully comprehend that a man like him would want to go on a date with someone like her. He was THE famed wood style user. And he asked HER on a date! And she quibbled about in her response like an utter fool.

What was the world coming to?


On Thursday, Hana nervously fidgeted with her dress as she waited for Yamato. She scrunched up the fabric and then released it, feeling comfort in running her fingers across the soft velvet pattern. She didn't know why she was so nervous. It wasn't like she didn't know him, but the formality and anticipation of the evening still made her heart race.

At five past seven, she heard a knock at the door. When she opened it, she found Yamato wearing a dark blue suit. He forewent his shinobi head protector. In his hand, he had a single flower delicately crafted of wood. It was a gardenia, just like the ones on the arch of the new neighborhood.

"You look lovely," he said.

"Thank you," she replied, feeling butterflies swirling around in her stomach. He looked so handsome all dressed up. She felt like the luckiest woman alive.

She placed the wooden flower delicately on the table and grabbed her purse, and then followed Yamato out the door.

It was mid-September, and the sun was sitting just above the horizon, ready to dip below the earth. Yamato made small talk, which kept her comfortable by his side, and they walked towards one of the village gates.

"We're leaving the village?" she asked when he kept walking towards the guard station.

"Not going far," he replied. "I promise, you'll be quite safe."

She slowed down. Tales of raiders on the roads outside the village were common. It was part of the reason why Hana had not ventured to see her grandmother since she moved south…Hana would not go unless she was traveling with a group, and even then, she would prefer a group that contained shinobi. The owner of the grocery store by her apartment had lost three shipments to raiders, one of which was stolen directly from him. They ransacked his cart and left the pieces smashed and broken, and he had been lucky to escape with his life. Even shinobi traveling alone fought hard battles. She remembered seeing Seika with a cut across her face the last time she came back from one of her supply runs.

"I just hear so many stories…"

"What can I do to put you at ease?" he asked, coming back towards her. "Would you prefer to stay in the village tonight?"

The sincerity in Yamato's voice moved her. He was genuinely concerned about working within the limits of her comfort.

"No," she said, reaching for his hand. She felt strength and warmth when he responded by intertwining his fingers with hers, and her stomach did a backflip. "I feel safe with you," she told him.

"Good," he replied. "I think you'll enjoy what I have planned. And if anything happens, I will protect you with my life."

Well, there was a statement. Hana wasn't stupid…logically she knew it was just his duty as a Konoha shinobi, but still, his chivalry made her already acrobatic stomach feel very warm and fuzzy.

They walked hand-in-hand outside the village gates, and soon the village was out of view.

"I'm sorry I'm making you walk so far in your dress."

Hana laughed. "It's not like what you're wearing is any more suited for traveling down dirt roads."

"I suppose not," he smiled. "We're nearly there."

He pulled her from the main road and through a copse of trees, until she heard a waterfall and saw a large field come into view. It was twilight now, but in the fading light she could see a fire flickering in a tall structure.

"What is that?" she asked.

"Come see for yourself."

Hana gasped as she stepped up towards the structure. It was at least seven stories tall, built from a cluster of rectangles that rose high to form a single, sturdy tower.

"It's not as high as your cloud scratchers, but I wanted to show you what your designs could look like. I was surprised how sturdy it was, given it's made of wood."

Hana couldn't respond, lost for words. She walked around the entire base of the building, noticing once again the little details that only Yamato would care to add. She was in shock…he built her a cloud scratcher for their first date. In the middle of a field. A temporary structure, but one that showed he believed in her…and that gesture alone spoke volumes.

"Come." He opened the door and waved her inside, where an oil lamp cast a warm flicker about the interior. "I hope you're not opposed to stairs…"

"Of course not," she said excitedly, beginning the first flight. "That's one of the things I'm worried about…anything above ten stories needs a people mover, for those of us who aren't gifted with abilities."

When they reached the top, Hana once again was struck speechless. The room was lit with candles and lanterns, and a table with two chairs was spread with a variety of cured meats, cheeses, fruit, and a bottle of wine. Windows gave views from every vantage point, and she could see the lights of Konoha in the distance. They sparkled.

"I'm sorry it's not a warm meal," he said, "but I thought you might prefer the view to a fancier dinner."

"Yamato!" she exclaimed, walking towards the window and looking out over Konoha. "This is more than I could have imagined!"

He blushed and scratched the side of his head with a finger.

"How long did this take to build?"

"Not as long as you'd think. I learned quite a bit from you on the job site, but it still took more chakra than I anticipated."

She sighed in gratitude for this man. His thoughtfulness blew her away. "Thank you. This is quite the gesture for a first date."

"Well," he said softly, pulling out a chair for her, "you're quite the woman."

And at that, her stomach decided that acrobatics weren't performed alone, and her heart got involved as well.

Over a very intimate dinner, they got to know one another a little more. Hana shared about growing up with her grandmother. She had seven lucky years with her parents before they passed. Her father was a woodworker from the Land of Waves who emigrated to Konoha when he was in his twenties. He met Hana's mother there and fell in love. Late summer of Hana's seventh year, they made a trip to the Land of Waves to visit friends and family. That was long before the bridge was built. During the boat crossing, the water was particularly rough, and the boat capsized. She was somehow the only survivor, washed up on shore alone. Her grandmother had cared for her ever since.

"You must miss her," Yamato said.

"I do, but we write quite often."

"How often do you get to visit?"

She shared about her hesitancies traveling alone. "I haven't been to see her yet, but I'd like to go soon."

Yamato then shared that he was an orphan himself, with no memory of his family or even his childhood before the age of five. He'd become a chunin at age six and only knew the life of a shinobi. He'd been mentored by a number of people, but most impactfully by Kakashi.

"I'm still embarrassed I hit him over the head…" Hana said at the mention of their village leader.

Yamato chuckled. "Don't worry…he can take it, and there are some times when I think he deserves it, too."

Yamato told her some stories about particular missions he had been on with Kakashi, where the man grated on Yamato's every last nerve. Kakashi was a considerate team member, led by example, and was brilliant in his every calculation, but there were times when he could be an absolute asshole. His compassion grew when he became the sensei of Team Seven. Yamato's own time captaining this team changed him, too. "One day I hope to be as deserving of respect as Kakashi-senpai," he told her.

I think you already are… she thought to herself.

Hana and Yamato talked for the next few hours about everything. Favorite parts about their jobs, experiences during traveling, favorite foods, daily habits and preferences, and circles of friends. They delved into deeper topics of personal priorities, philosophy and religion, and their outlooks on relationships. They were both the type to be intentional. Hana was glad to find that they shared many of the same perspectives. They weren't even close to exhausting all the things they could talk about when the candle at their table finally burned out.

"It's quite late," Yamato said, "I should get you home."

"Already? It feels as if we just started talking."

When they left the tall building and stepped back into the open field, Hana shivered. The evenings were growing cooler now that fall was around the corner.

"Here, take this." Yamato slipped off his suit jacket and draped it around her. It was warm and smelled like freshly cut wood. She almost laughed…it seemed impossible that someone's natural scent should be just like a woodshop, but here he was. She wondered if it was because of his jutsu, or if perhaps it was in his DNA. Either way, it was familiar to her. Pleasant. Comforting.

The night guards at the village gate waved them in, and Yamato walked her back to her apartment. She took off his jacket at the door and gave it back to him.

"I really enjoyed spending this time with you," she told him timidly. "Thank you for such a wonderful evening." Her stomach was once again doing backflips. The end of dates always made her nervous.

"It was my pleasure." He took her hand in his and lifted it to his mouth, closing his eyes and placing a single kiss upon it. "Goodnight, Hana." Then, he was gone, walking down the hallway and out of sight.

Hana stepped inside her apartment and closed the door, holding her hand and feeling the lingering sensation of his lips upon her skin. The butterflies were fluttering around her heart, and she was having a hard time believing that what just happened was actually real. Who in the world had just gone on a date with? He was perfect. She smiled, shaking her head. That was wrong. He wasn't perfect…no man could be. He was just perfect for her.

She was already head over heels.


"So? How was it?!"

Ayame and Yuna were in Hana's apartment for their next girls' night, and both were eager to hear about her first date with Yamato.

"Amazing!" Hana cried, and she described everything that he had done for her. "We're going out again next week."

"How chivalrous," Ayame said, shimmying her shoulders, "a kiss on the hand!"

"I can't believe he built you a tower! What a gesture. Do you think it's still in the field? Can we go see it?" Yuna asked.

"I'm not sure," she said. "He told me that his team usually uses that field for training, so I would imagine it's cleared."

"In any case, he's certainly more romantic than Genma," Ayame teased, poking fun at Yuna. "He doesn't even share his snacks with you."

"Hmph." Yuna crossed her arms, her face twisting with a frown. "That wasn't a date."

Hana giggled. Genma apparently pushed Yuna really hard during one of their training sessions, making her run laps before practicing her throwing techniques on a moving target, all while he stood by consuming a handful of taro mochi balls and a bag of sweet potato chips and commenting lazily on her form. She ended the day tired, sore, and hungry, while he hadn't even broken a sweat. It was totally unfair.

"I'm not sure he would share his snacks with you even if it was a date…" Ayame muttered, earning herself a pillow to the head from Yuna. Hana's pillows got thrown quite often during girls' nights.

"He paid for your dinner that one time, though," Hana said, trying to ease the peace.

"That wasn't a real date, either," Yuna contested.

"Yeah," Ayame teased, "he was just being polite. Genma's the type to go in for a kiss on the first date. Maybe a full on make-out sesh. Actually, my guess is you'll make out with him before he ever asks you on a date."

Yuna turned bright red. "I'm not opposed to that…" she said under her breath.

"What was that?" Hana asked, but Ayame abruptly cut them both off.

"On the other hand, I'd bet money that Yamato doesn't try anything until at least the fifth date."

"Why the fifth?!" Hana exclaimed.

"Because last girls' night, you said the fifth date! And I think he'll wait patiently until you give him the sign that you're ready. That's how you know he's a keeper."

As months went by, Hana considered that Ayame might be right. She went on date #2 with Yamato…and date #3…and date #4…and the most he ever did was kiss her hand, gently and tenderly, at the end of each night.

Their second date, prompted by their shared love of nature, was a hike in the hills outside of Konoha. He showed her his favorite spots and overlooks around the village, and she took him to a hidden glen where she and her grandmother had picnics when she was a child. Their third was a painting night, where they attempted portraits of each other over a bottle of wine. That particular evening had been filled with laughter as they both teased each other relentlessly over the fact that neither of them could paint very well. Surprising, since both of them were fairly artistic people. Their fourth date, too, was private. Yamato had a love for old, classic films, and they watched one of his favorites that Hana had never seen. It was a comedic murder mystery, and they had a lively discussion about it afterwards.

On date #5, he invited her to a sake tasting at the grand re-opening of the sake bar in town. Rebuilding the brewery had taken its sweet time, but now the bar had its first brews ready to taste, and it promised to be a popular event. It would also be their first date in a public setting, and she was both nervous and excited to be out with him in front of other people. It felt like a big step, and by the end, she knew she would be ready for more than just a kiss on the hand.


Yamato knocked at Hana's door with a single wooden flower in hand. Today, he opted for a chrysanthemum. He grew a different one for each date. Gardenia, lily, daffodil, peony, and chrysanthemum. Hana had a growing collection in a vase on her table, and when she answered the door, she took the flower and added to it, gently arranging the delicate wooden blooms.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

She nodded, reaching out her hand immediately for his. He liked the feeling of their fingers comfortably intertwining. He never anticipated how much he would enjoy simply holding someone's hand.

They walked through Konoha together, hearing music as they neared the sake bar. The line to get in was out the door, but Yamato waved to the man at the entrance and they were let in at the front of the line without any problems.

"I know the owner," he whispered, guiding her to a table in a private corner of the restaurant. This was only partially true…he helped expand the brewery and rebuild the back half of the restaurant. The owner told him he was welcome any time. Yamato also happened to like sake, so the perks were definitely to his benefit.

They ordered some small plates and a flight of sake and made small talk as they waited. Yamato told her about his recent mission, and she updated him about new things she was designing.

"Oh! That reminds me…I made you something," she said. She pulled out a small box and pushed it across the table, blushing as she did so.

Yamato took it in his hands and turned it over and around. It was beautifully made, with different colors of polished wood that created the pattern of a tree on the top. Inlay of mother of pearl highlighted tiny blossoms on the tree. He tried to pull off the lid, but it wouldn't budge.

"Have you ever seen a puzzle box before?" she asked him.

"I've heard of them," he said, his attention still occupied by the box, "but I've never seen one before."

She reached across the table and took the box in her hands, rotating it to reveal a small hole in the bottom corner. "Every puzzle box requires a key."

He frowned. She had not given him the key. And then, it dawned on him. He was the key. He took the box back, and then carefully extended a small plug of wood from his pointer finger, placing it into the hole in the box. He heard a 'click,' and another compartment slid out. When he removed the small tray, the rest of the box followed in a series of pieces, until finally, he was able to lift the lid and see the compartment at the box's center. Inside was a walnut, still encased within its shell.

He grinned, his smile growing wide. The box was ingenious, and the walnut…well, it reminded him of the day they first met, and he gathered that was her intention. "It's wonderful," he told her. "Thank you."

"It's the best way I could describe how you make me feel," she told him, and then she explained. "Yamato, I'm a plain person. I'm not a shinobi, and most people think I'm pretty boring. I'm just…I'm common, just like that walnut. I'm surrounded by really special, beautiful, one-of-a-kind things all the time, but when I'm with you, you make me feel like I'm the treasure."

Yamato was taken in by this sweet gesture and all that it meant. Hana was hardly as plain as a walnut, and even if she were, she underestimated how wonderfully complex a small walnut could be. Walnuts were quite dense in nutrients, powerful despite their size. The analogy is apt, actually.

When the sake arrived at the table, they both took their first sips. It was earthy and floral on his tongue, burning just slightly as he swallowed, yet balanced in both sweetness and acidity.

"So…my grandmother is going to be visiting in a few weeks," she began. "A group from her town is traveling together to Konoha. I wondered…if you might be interested in meeting her?"

Yamato hesitated. "You…want me to meet your grandmother?"

"Only if you'd like to…but yes. I want you to meet her."

Yamato did wish to meet the woman who raised Hana, but the prospect of meeting Hana's family gave him a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach. There were things she did not know about him. Things that she would need to know, if they were to continue pursuing each other.

"I'd like to, but Hana…there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about." He hoped the sake would give him a little more courage to broach the topic. "How much do you know about wood release?"

Her head tilted sideways. "Your ability to control wood? It's a kekkei genkai, right? I just know that they are blood abilities and inherited, so it's a genetic trait through your family."

"It is," he said carefully, "but it wasn't from my family. Wood release is extremely rare…sought after, even. The First Hokage had the ability, but the trait was not passed down to his descendents, or else Tsunade-sama or her other family members would have manifested the ability."

"Hm!" she said with interest, taking another sip of her sake. "It's pretty neat that you share abilities with the First Hokage. So then, how did you manifest this chakra?"

Yamato paused. How could he share this next part with her? What happened to him was so well known among his fellow ninja that he didn't have to explain himself. Only now though, on the verge of describing it all to Hana, did he realize how much he struggled with this particular part of his story.

Hana was sweet and kind and caring, and her innocence was endearing. Still, she wasn't naive. Her mind was much too analytical for that. She understood what was realistic and yet kept her standards for morality and goodness high. And yet, she didn't know about him…about the realities that came with him.

He questioned whether he was ready to share these things with her, but he'd gotten carried away enjoying her company, and now they were on their fifth date. They'd spent hours upon hours with one another. She wanted him to meet her family. If he didn't tell her now, it would feel like he was holding onto a lie. He took a deep breath.

"Tell me, Hana, do you want children?"

She nearly spit out her sake, and Yamato immediately felt bad for his non-sequitur. She had clearly not been anticipating the topic of kids, but this question got to the heart of his concern about himself and the future of their relationship.

She considered for a moment before answering him. "I've always dreamed of having kids of my own, and I would love a family someday, but that's not a decision that's totally up to me, is it?"

Yamato's heart softened at her thoughtful answer. "No, I suppose not. If it were up to you though…" he treaded slowly, "how many would you want?"

Her smile shifted towards something like longing as she wondered what exactly this line of questioning was leading towards. "Maybe two, a boy and a girl. You?"

He hesitated, taking another sip of sake. Here came the hard part. "I don't know if I'll be able to have them."

Hana frowned, her mind whirring. It didn't take her long. "You mean…infertility?" she prompted.

He just nodded.

Clarity dawned on her face, and she stared at him with pity. "Yamato…it's linked to your abilities?"

She was sharp. "My abilities aren't natural, because I'm not natural," he began, and then he told her how he came to be and what it might mean for the future. Orochimaru's manipulation of his DNA was both a blessing and a curse. Yes, it led to his incredible and unique abilities, but Tsunade told him that it was likely his DNA would cause long-term health issues, since his abilities did stem from a mutation planted by Orochimaru's ambitions. On the long list of possible future maladies, infertility was one that Konoha's medical team likely wouldn't be able to cure. It was only a possibility, but there was a non-zero chance that this affected him.

And if he could have kids, who knew what genetic roulette he might be playing with his offspring, or with his wife's ability to carry his child? He would be passing on his own DNA, but also the First Hokage's, forever spliced and interwoven in every cell of his body. The First Hokage's DNA might have been compatible with his, but the odd mixture of chromosomes he now possessed may not be compatible with someone else. There was a reason no other children had survived the experiments. Playing with genetic recombination was a dangerous game, and Yamato's very existence was one great unknown.

For this very reason, he had sworn off women. He did not desire to saddle someone else with the curse of his future line. His chosen and found family were his teammates…Naruto, Sakura, Sai, and Kakashi. He never had to worry about disappointing them the way he would a partner.

But then, over the past five or six months, he became enthralled with Hana's mind, the way she thought, and all that she was. He desired to add her to his found family as well. He liked her. Her intelligence, their level of conversation, it was so freeing to him. She managed to unlock a part of him that he didn't often get to be, and it was a welcome reminder that he was more than just his abilities.

He found great satisfaction in meticulously planning their dates, thinking through all the things she might like, and reveling in the pleasure of watching her enjoyment. It was almost too easy. And here he was, taking her on a fifth date, because he couldn't help himself. He prided himself with his cautious nature, but with her, he had thrown it all to the wind, and now they were at a crossroads.

She nodded when he was finished, the crease of a frown forming between her eyebrows. He knew it was a lot to take in.

"If infertility weren't a possibility," she asked, "would you want kids?"

He took a deep breath. He wondered whether she could still see him as a worthy partner if he said no. In reality, he had never considered a family for the very reason of his DNA. But now he was overcome with doubt over what he wanted. Hana changed everything about how he imagined his future. "I don't know," he said instead. It was true. He didn't know. He had not been confronted by the idea of a wife and kids until now. Until her.

Her eyes grew downcast, and he realized she had downplayed just how much a future family meant to her. Clearly, she had not wanted to hurt him if he said he wanted something different, but in doing so she took all the hurt upon herself.

The rest of their evening was clouded by this disagreement. Even though they both tried to move past it, there it stood, like a giant sign pointing them in two different directions.

When he walked her home, he wondered if he should have saved the conversation for a different date. He thought the alcohol might help him be more courageous in sharing, but now he felt that it depressed both of their moods.

"Goodnight, Hana," he said gently. He leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. He saw longing in her eyes, and knew that she wanted more, but he couldn't. Not with the way the night had gone. He was not willing to cross more of a physical line and complicate things until he figured himself out. She didn't deserve that confusion.

"Yamato…" she hesitated, "...if you really don't want kids, it's okay. I could come around to–"

"Stop, Hana," he said, cutting her off. "Tonight's not the night to make that kind of decision. Get some rest, and don't worry about it."

Walking home though, it was all that Yamato could worry about. What did he expect? He had secretly held out hope that Hana wouldn't want kids, which would have made all of this easier, but of course that wasn't the case. She would be an excellent mother, and he didn't want to deprive her of that. He pulled out the box she had given him and opened it up again. If not him, someone else would surely be able to make her feel special, right? Because she was special. Just like the little walnut in his box.

But what if…

What if he was totally capable of having healthy offspring? They wouldn't know unless they tried, but by then their commitment to each other would be far too deep.

And then, what if he wasn't capable of having children? What kind of pain would she go through if they tried and tried and she never conceived?

Even worse, what if she did conceive…and suffered miscarriage after miscarriage because his DNA was incapable of carrying viable life forward? He could not fathom putting her through that kind of grief. He could not fathom putting her at that kind of risk.

But what if that worst case scenario was unfounded, and his body was perfectly capable of children?

The 'what ifs' circled around and around in his mind until they were overwhelming and he felt lost. He knew he needed someone else to talk to.

He thought about paying a call on Kakashi. The man was no good at giving dating advice, but when needed, he was an excellent listener and had the type of wisdom Yamato could use about now. He could also talk to Sakura. She might be able to run some tests on him and tell him just how founded or unfounded his fears were.

He paused. A bird was fluttering overhead. Speak of the devil. He heeded the call, hoping that he might have a chance to talk privately with Kakashi before he got sent off to who knows where for his next mission. Then, he could talk to Sakura on the way to wherever they were being sent.


The next morning, Hana awoke from a poor night's sleep to find a piece of paper slipped under her door. It was from Yamato.

'I'm going on a mission. It doesn't look like I'll be back in time to meet your grandmother. I'm sorry, Hana. We'll talk again when I'm back.'

She sat down on the couch in her robe and stared at the letter. Hana had spent a long night processing all that Yamato shared with her, and now, holding his letter in her hands, she began to cry. First, she cried because he was gone. Then, she cried for all the pain that he'd lived through. But most of all, she cried for the heavy burdens this kind and thoughtful man carried...burdens he carried alone.