A/N: Have you guys seen the Intergrade trailer? I was like "I don't need the definitive edition", but then Yuffie showed up. Ok, sure, fine Square Enix. Here, take my money


Rufus watches Tseng as he sleeps, running his fingers lightly through long, sweat-soaked hair. He can tell the exact moment the man stirs, the ever-attentive and observant Turk twitching under his touch, the man still half-sprawled across the desk, Rufus's jacket now draped over him. "Shh, Tseng." Rufus orders, even as the man's eyes start to flutter open. "We're safe. Rest now."

Tseng definitely deserves the rest, too – Rufus had not been gentle with him, he had adopted a rather unforgiving pace. But the Turk – his Turk – had taken his punishment well. Almost too well, if he was being honest, only soft, breathy moans and the occasional "Sir…!" passing the man's lips.

And he will admit it, he was rather disappointed that he hadn't managed to make Tseng beg… at least not verbally. Though, he had definitely relished the shudder that had wracked the man's body as he ended his call with Vincent and whispered hotly in Tseng's ear – "Now, where were we?" As they started back up, Rufus had wasted no time weaving their fingers together again, his free hand finding purchase back on Tseng's hip.

Still, he is rather surprised with himself, he won't lie. Raised in a world of ruthless backstabbers, he never thought he would ever trust somebody so completely. Or trust anybody at all, really. Trust was only for the weak. It would leave you dead in a ditch somewhere. Sure, he had expected his Turks to do their job, expected them to be loyal. But he had never trusted them.

Until now that is. After everything they had been through together, after everything they had done to keep him safe, he trusted all of them with his life. Even Vincent.

But even though he trusted them, he still never would have imagined that he would feel this way about anybody. Never expected he would bare his soul so completely to anybody. Then again, Tseng had always been special.

It had been obvious that something was growing between them, even before Rufus became President the first time, and not just mutual trust. The heated glances, the fleeting touches, the fact that Tseng was always by his side no matter the situation. Not to mention the reality that Rufus had stayed by Tseng's bedside and nursed him back to health after Sephiroth had carved him open.

But then the Ancient had died and Tseng grew distant.

Rufus had no time to dwell on it, though. Not with Meteorfall and the planet's Weapons attacking. Instead, he had declared war on it all – Sephiroth, Jenova, Meteor, the Weapons – had even moved the Sister Ray cannon to Midgar to help. But not to protect anybody, and certainly not to protect the planet. No. It was all to protect him, to protect his power, his control of Shinra Company.

It took nearly dying – more than once – for Rufus to realize the damage that his actions and those of his company as a whole had done. To discover that the people around him were more than just pawns in some elaborate game of chess.

But before he could rekindle whatever it was that had until then remained unspoken between him and Tseng, the Turk had the nerve to get himself abducted. And then Rufus had gone to deal with Kadaj alone – "A good son would have known."

When he finally saw Tseng again, the man had scolded him for the stunt he had pulled – Tseng was absolutely furious. Not that it made sense, though. Rufus knew that his Turks would catch him. He trusted that Tseng would catch him. But instead of pointing that out, instead of reminding Tseng that protecting Rufus was the man's job, he had scolded the Turk back. Had yelled at Tseng for being tortured, for letting somebody else put their hands on him. Sure, perhaps he wasn't exactly thinking straight – he had just fallen head-first from a high-rise – but he was the only one allowed to touch Tseng.

Everything after that was a blur. He definitely can't remember who started that first kiss, and he only vaguely recalls Tseng throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him off – he was far too distracted by the impressive display of strength. But he'll never forget the feeling of being so pleasantly sore in the morning, or the comforting weight of Tseng still draped protectively around him, like Rufus's jacket around Tseng now.

Sure, their relationship shouldn't come as that much of a shock, probably. He had flirted heavily with Tseng before they got together, of course. But that was mostly to see how the man reacted – he did so love to see what it took to break that mask of his. And Rufus prided himself on being rather skilled at it, too.

Tseng had caught on by now, naturally. Would narrow his eyes and call Rufus a tease when he had figured out what he was up to. But Rufus was always quick to remind Tseng that he wasn't the one who enjoyed tying Tseng up. Granted, he didn't need to anyway, Tseng would listen to anything he said (except when he was 'punishing' Rufus). But Tseng definitely had quite the kink for seeing Rufus all trussed up.

And Rufus had quite the kink for letting him.

…Gaia, he was fucked, wasn't he? Literally, figuratively, and oh so thoroughly.

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Well, he supposes he's stalled long enough. It was probably about time he called Lord Godo. He can't have the man believing whatever drivel was being hand-fed to the Midgar populace right about now. It definitely wouldn't help Midgar-Wutai relations.

Popping the headpiece for his phone in his ear, he uses his other hand to do up the fly of his pants. He's still trying to find his black button-up shirt when the call connects, Lord Godo's gruff voice answering. "President Rufus. It's always a pleasure to hear from you…" Rufus rolls his eyes at the formalities, they certainly had more important things to discuss. "But I'm afraid now really isn't the best time."

He doesn't miss the strain in Godo's voice – so he had noticed his daughter's disappearance already. The girl certainly would be disappointed that she hadn't managed to… 'bamboozle'? him for longer. "Oh? Are you missing something?" he drawls, just as he finds what he himself was missing… behind a potted plant, halfway across the room. When had that happened? Huh. Well, at least he had locked the door before advancing on Tseng. He knew they had gotten a little careless in their passion, but he hadn't realized the extent of it.

"You...!"

Going from the rage in the man's voice, perhaps he should have reigned the smugness in a bit. But Lord Godo's neglect was the entire reason they were in this mess in the first place. He wasn't about to get a pass just because he finally remembered to be an attentive father. "Please." He scoffs as he pulls on his shirt. "I had nothing to do with this. Though I did find out who your little assassin is. Do note the emphasis on 'little'."

"Yuffie would never!"

"Oh? So you're saying your daughter wouldn't have it in her head that, and I quote, 'ugly Shinra SOLDIER dudes must be punished'?" Rufus can't help the unimpressed, almost bored tone to his voice – this phone call definitely wasn't the highlight of his day, though he supposes it is quite a few steps above the catastrophe that was Heidegger. But, still, he wishes he had taken his time pulling Tseng apart. He had only been teasing really, but spending all afternoon with Tseng under him did sound rather tempting right now. It's just a shame that neither of them had a SOLDIER's stamina.

"Uhh…" The audible gulp is all the sign Rufus needs to know that Yuffie hadn't come up with that phrase all by herself.

Rolling his eyes, Rufus works on the buttons of his shirt, staring out the windows at the city below. He doesn't miss the imagery of a king surveying his kingdom, from one smog-covered building to the next… "And you're saying that she wouldn't get aggravated by the lack of support in Wutai, become convinced that Sephiroth has everybody fooled, and then sail all the way to Midgar by herself? That she wouldn't sneak into the Tower – my Tower – and somehow manage to make it to the top floors undetected?" There's an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the line, but that's fine. Rufus wasn't finished. "And she wouldn't crawl her way into the air ducts, listen in on a confidential meeting, and then assault Sephiroth in a bid to avenge Wutai?"

"Assault…?"

"To be honest, I am rather impressed – her skill with that large shuriken alone is quite exceptional. But I will say, if she weren't a child, I would consider this a declaration of war."


Cloud will admit, he had been far too distracted with everything that had happened that day to remember that his roommates were still waiting for answers. After everything Yuffie had done, he had been too exasperated to think of anything else. Cause of course she would have given herself away somehow. Even though she swore up and down the church that she had been 'super careful' – "Ok, sure, maybe I scaled the walls, and may-beee I snuck in through the window (if they didn't want anybody coming in that way, they shouldn't have left it open…). But, stillllll, I avoided all the cameras!"

Well, apparently not all of them.

Luckily, it doesn't seem like Corneo's thugs know who the murderer is, not from what Biggs had overheard. Otherwise, they would have been scouring Wall Market for a tiny child rather than a giant shuriken… So at least they've got that going for them.

But, still. Damn Corneo and his cameras.

Cloud had been rather tempted to plaster himself to Yuffie's side and make sure she behaved, but he technically still had a job to do. And it wasn't like he could bring Yuffie back to his dorm, he drew enough attention as it was. So, instead, he had to leave her with Aerith. Which, honestly, was the plan from the beginning – Aerith was probably the best person to keep Yuffie in line – but it certainly didn't help his stress levels right now. Sure, he trusts Aerith completely and he knows Yuffie can handle herself even as a tinier child, but those thugs are nasty. But Aerith had promised to keep Yuffie safe. And Yuffie had pinky sworn that she would hide her oversized weapon in the church until it was time for her to leave.

But, honestly, as much as he loved Yuffie, that day couldn't come soon enough.

So, really, he couldn't be blamed for not paying attention to anything else. At least not until he (quite literally) runs into Garrett and finds himself being manhandled back to their dorm room, Logan and Colin already waiting inside. As the door swings shut behind them, Garrett crosses his arms over his chest and demands, "Ok, spill."

"What?" Cloud oh so eloquently responds. Apparently his well of quick thinking from this morning was all dried up.

Garrett sighs (as if he was the one suffering here) and pushes Cloud into the only chair in their room. Instead of moving back to his own bed, like Cloud would have thought, the teen remains in front of him, one eyebrow raised, Colin and Logan inching further up the foot of their beds. "You promised us answers," Garrett says. "I thought the complete 180 with your personality was strange enough, but now I hear you're off killing Directors too?"

"…Bastard had it coming," Cloud grumbles, still a little bothered about being caught so off-guard.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" Garrett throws his hands in the air. "What happened to you man?" But instead of waiting for a response, the teen veers suddenly and unconsciously off tangent, face all scrunched up as he mumbles, "I mean, I totally agree, no one will miss the bastard… He was one nasty piece of work… But – "

"Garrett, you're not helping," Colin cuts in, ignoring their roommate as he grunts his objection. "What we're asking is who are you and what have you done with the real Cloud Strife?"

Cloud blinks, confused. "Wait. What?"

But Colin doesn't get the chance to answer, Logan taking over this time, a crease set deep in his brow. "I hate to even ask this…" He grimaces, mouth twitching like he was struggling to find the best words. "But was the insecurity all a lie?"

"What? No! Of course it wasn't a lie!"

"We want to believe you, man," Garrett picks back up, sweeping a hand up and down in Cloud's direction. "But this is a bit much."

"You just gestured to all of me…"

"Please, Cloud – " Colin again… Cloud swears he's going to get whiplash " – we just want the truth."

"You won't believe me…" Cloud groans and pulls at his hair. "Actually, you'll probably think I'm crazy…"

Garrett just smirks, the teen not looking phased at all. "Just to be clear, crazier than not wanting to be Sephiroth's student?"

Cloud snorts – leave it to Garrett to insult him and lighten the mood at the same time. But as quickly as it came on, his amusement fades away, replaced once more with anxiety. He knows his roommates deserve an explanation (and an honest one at that), but he can't imagine it'll be an easy thing to swallow. Sighing, he runs a hand down his face. "Alright. I'll tell you guys the truth. But don't blame me if you don't believe any of it."

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Dead silence.

That's what greets him once he's finished his story. Which, sure, was better than any of the other alternatives that Cloud could come up with. Better than them calling him crazy or dragging him off to a psych ward. But it still didn't make things any less uncomfortable.

He's tempted to fidget, he won't lie. Fidgeting does sound like a rather natural response to how awkward this unprompted staring contest is, but he knows that that could be seen as a sign of him lying. And as crazy as it must all sound, he's not lying. Everything he had told them was the truth.

And he had told them everything. Sephiroth, Nibelheim, Hojo. Everything. He wasn't planning on it at first – it was a lot of shit to spring on them – but once he had opened his mouth, the words just kept spilling out, without any concern for Cloud's earlier reservations.

He's a little shocked with himself to be honest. Shocked to find out that he actually wants his roommates to know the truth, wants them to believe him. Even though the cynic in him keeps warning that they never would. But he trusts his roommates. And he wants them to be able to trust him, too. Wants to be worthy of that trust. Lying to them certainly wouldn't help.

"Well, fuck..." Garrett rather accurately and succinctly surmises, the teen slumped at the foot of his bed, the same spot that he had stumbled to when Cloud had told them about the razing of Nibelheim. When he had described, in excruciating detail, exactly who had destroyed his hometown.

"Garrett, language," Logan scolds, most likely on auto-pilot.

"What? You were both thinking it, don't lie."

Logan doesn't answer the red-head, though he does look just about as overwhelmed as the rest of them, his entire face scrunched up as if in pain. Then again, Cloud supposes that hearing your idol went (would go?) on a deranged genocidal rampage must be rather distressing, even if you didn't exactly believe it. Logan is still the first to recover, though the pinched look remains on his face as he sounds out his words carefully. "Time… travel?"

"I know how it sounds…" Cloud mumbles, dejected – perhaps the silence was just the calm before the storm. There was still plenty of time for them to decide that he was nuttier than a fruitcake. On second thought, Garrett probably already thought he was a fruitcake for an entirely different reason…

But apparently, it's Logan's turn to shock Cloud. Instead of saying he's crazy, instead of telling him he's warking up the wrong tree, the teen sucks in a harsh breath, his eyes wide. "Is that why all this shit keeps happening to you?"

"Language…" Garrett scolds back, snickering when Logan tells him to shut up. "Testy, testy…"

"So this is why everybody kept asking if you remembered?"

"…You believe me?" Cloud asks, more hopefully than he was expecting or really ready to admit to.

"I'm not gonna lie, you were right earlier. This all sounds super insane. But I'd like to think that I know you, Cloud. And I want to believe you." Logan winces. "Actually, no, I don't want to believe you. I don't want to think that Sephiroth is some planet-destroying nightmare, that he hurt you… And for Gaia's sake… Hojo?" Logan chokes on his words, his fingers turning white from where they clutch at the legs of his pants. "I thought Johnson was bad enough, but human experimentation? Cloud… I-I… I mean, I've heard the rumors of what R&D used to do, of course, but… y-you…"

"It's much more painful when it's someone you know."

Logan nods, his voice strangled as he continues, the teen looking like he's one more Hojo-filled story away from throwing up. "I don't want to believe that that happened to you – it hurts so much." Colin is already crying, tears streaming silently down his face as his nails dig into the thin blanket on his bed, Garrett himself looking a little green around the gills. "But if it's true, then everything from the past couple months makes so much more sense now." As Logan continues his analysis, it would seem like he was convincing not only himself, but their other roommates of the truth to Cloud's words. As if everything making sense was all any of them needed to believe his (admittedly ridiculous-sounding) story.

"And, honestly – " Logan sighs, grief still plain in his eyes " – I can't imagine that the President, the Turks, and the 1sts would go through so much trouble to, what, trick 3 insignificant cadets?" If Cloud wasn't so overwhelmed by all the attention, by the fact that his roommates might actually believe him, then he might think that Logan would make a good Turk with how quickly he had put the pieces together. "Besides – " Logan offers him a half-smile, half-grimace " – it would mean that you weren't lying all this time about who you are."

"Wait, wait!" Garrett jerks violently from whatever realization he had just had, the teen nearly falling from the edge of his bed. "Whoa! Ok, I'm good…" Holding his arms out as if to find his balance, he waits a couple seconds to make sure he won't actually tumble to the floor before turning his attention back to Cloud. "Is that why Sephiroth is training you now, because he remembers too?"

Cloud nods, short and stiff, not entirely trusting his voice just yet.

"B-But, you s-said…" Colin swallows hard, tears still sliding down his face. "S-Sephiroth burned… Nibelheim to the ground?" The end of his sentence is almost a whisper, as if a softer voice would make it any less real.

Cloud's answering laugh sounds painful even to him, but that doesn't stop his flippant response. "To be fair, he tried to kill everybody." Humor has always helped with the pain… Or at least he's always pretended that it has.

But humor doesn't help his roommates, the three of them cringing at his poorly-timed joke. Well, crap. He hadn't meant to make things worse. So, he tries to backtrack. Wringing his hands together, he says slowly, delicately, "Apparently, he was possessed… His actions weren't his own."

"Do you believe him?" Logan asks.

Cloud nearly scoffs, cause of course he doesn't believe him. This was Sephiroth they were talking about. The man destroyed everything he touched… including Cloud's confidence in his own feelings. But… at the same time, he feels bad enough for ruining their idol for them (he definitely knew what that was like). So he can't help himself when he offers a slightly hesitant "I… don't know." He doesn't miss the sadness in Logan's eyes, though, as if the teen knows exactly what he had been thinking. And he doesn't dare look at Colin or Garrett to see if that same look was mirrored there.

"W-What are you g-going to do?" Colin asks, the teen thankfully not calling him out on his fib. "Do you still have to t-train with him?"

"I don't know… And probably," Cloud admits, letting out a bitter laugh. It certainly didn't sound like he was going to get an indefinite raincheck on Sephiroth's mentoring. "I can't promise I won't try to kill him, though." Colin squeaks, so Cloud holds his hands out in front of him (as if the boy was a spooked Chocobo) and hastily tacks on, "Don't worry. It's not like I'd actually be able to kill him. Not permanently at least." And he had tried, too – three times!

They lapse into a terribly uncomfortable silence at that, his addition doing nothing to reassure his roommates, all three of them still tense in front of him. Well, apparently, he hasn't learned to stop making bad jokes yet. But before he can figure out a way to lighten the mood, before he can alleviate anything – though, honestly, how could he after telling them all about Sephiroth's god (and mother) complex? – Garrett is coughing awkwardly into a fist, the teen uncharacteristically uncomfortable and reserved as he asks, "And you're saying that Zack… died protecting you?"

"…Yeah," Cloud answers, a far-off look in his eyes, the usual heartache returning at the thought of Zack's premature death.

"So, that's why Zack never leaves your side… not because he wants to kiss you senseless."

The end of his sentence is mumbled mainly to himself, but that doesn't stop Cloud from hearing him. Nor does it stop him from blushing all the way to the roots of his hair, all thoughts of Zack's death forgotten. "Y-Yeah, I guess s-so," he squeaks in response. He is so not telling anybody about Zack's and Aerith's proposal. There's no way he would ever hear the end of that.

But Cloud doesn't have to worry about letting anything embarrassing slip, what with Colin fidgeting nervously in front of him, the boy turning greener if at all possible. "J-Johnson… – " Cloud winces again, and he really wishes he could stop this kneejerk reaction in response to the bully's name " – Did he… you know, before?"

Colin motions stiffly and unhelpfully to Cloud's body, but Cloud thinks he understands what he's asking anyway. "I don't remember everything from my infantry days the first time around – mako poisoning is great – but I'm pretty sure I was never assaulted. I certainly don't remember it happening, and I think at least the trauma would have stuck with me." And Cloud has enough trauma to prove that claim. "Besides, I was stationed in Junon the first time, I'm pretty sure I never met him." He falls silent for a moment, racking his brain for any memories that might help, his eyes glued to the floor in front of his feet. "I… know I had bullies in Junon, but I don't remember being terrified of them like I was with Johnson. I don't remember anybody being as persistent… as relentless in their attentions as he was." Cloud chuckles bitterly, not daring to look at any of his roommates as he admits, "He really messed me up. I know I was self-conscious before, but it was nowhere near this bad. Even now… even with all my memories back, I'm still somewhat afraid of him and what he tried to do."

"Trauma's nothing to laugh at," Logan provides sagely (sorrowfully?).

"Wait. Why aren't we beating him up again?"

The indignation in Garrett's voice is enough to snap Cloud's attention back to the teen, and he finds he can't help but laugh – hard – at the disgruntled look on his friend's face. "You don't even need to worry about that. Vincent already took care of it."

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It took some time, and a lot of consoling on Cloud's part that, yes, he really was fine, but Colin's crying had eventually stopped and the tension in Logan's body had eventually smoothed itself out until only a small crease around his eyes was visible. This was, of course, after Garrett had finished cackling, gleefully and rather sadistically, at the news of Johnson's maiming – "What? That asshole deserved it."

"Do you think we'll remember, too?" Garrett asks, rather unexpectedly, and Cloud can't decide whether his expression is hopeful or apprehensive. On one hand, he can imagine the idea of remembering might seem like being part of the cool kids' club. But on the other, remembering definitely was not all it was cracked up to be. Cloud certainly knows he could do without all the extra trauma that remembering brought with it.

"I don't think so. Aerith said something about it only being those who tried to save the planet the first time… Except for Sephiroth, that is."

Garrett groans, disappointed – so it was hope that Cloud saw. "Dangit. Relegated to the role of NPC."

Cloud snorts, but is distracted once more as Colin pipes up, "So, we didn't know each other the first time around?"

"Nah, I was in Junon, remember…" But Cloud trails off as flashes of a cramped vessel come back to him. "Wait… Colin, say something else."

"U-Uh… W-Why?"

"We don't have much time left! I don't want to die!"

Cloud can't help his laughter – now he knows why the boy's voice sounds so familiar. "Sorry, Col, I'm pretty sure I had a run in with your older self when I was still technically a terrorist."

Colin gulps, his eyes wide. Understandable, though – Cloud probably could have phrased his sentence better. "Y-You mean…?"

"Don't worry. I never killed you or anything. My friends and I commandeered a submarine, and I think you were one of the troopers we took hostage."

"One of the troopers…?" Colin sniffles, and Cloud very nearly apologizes – for exactly what, he's not sure – but then words he wasn't expecting to hear come out of Colin's mouth. "…You're saying I w-won't become a SOLDIER?"

Oh. He's not sure what he was expecting, but that definitely wasn't it. "For what it's worth, I never made SOLDIER, either." But his words don't do the trick, Colin picking at the fabric of his pants miserably. Cloud sighs, a sort of gloomy mood nestling its way into his chest. Being a SOLDIER wasn't all it was hyped up to be, especially with all the metaphorical and literal skeletons under the rug that was Research and Development. But, at the same time, he can't stand to see that look on Colin's face. He didn't care for it when Colin was a nameless and faceless stranger afraid to die, but it's so much worse now that he knows the kid, now that he likes the kid. "Ok. We need to have a long talk about the SOLDIER serum and what it's really made of… But if you still want to be a SOLDIER afterwards, I'll train you."


He had gone to bed that night unhappy. Sure, it was nice to finally be back in the loop on everything. It was wonderful to finally remember all of his friends, to remember that he actually has friends. But all of that, all of the joy at seeing Zack and Aerith alive, the relief at hearing his friends' voices again, it was all overshadowed by this looming threat of Sephiroth back once more.

He had tossed and turned most of the night, his mind torturing him with the nearly endless possibilities for Sephiroth's intentions. Yes, he knows that he's supposedly there to stop Sephiroth from losing himself. But why him? Why was it always him? Hadn't he done enough?

Besides, there was no dearth of fully-fledged SOLDIERS, especially now that Rhapsodos and Hewley hadn't deserted this time. Surely one of them was more suited to this. If he could be trained by Sephiroth, then why couldn't they? He had only ever played make-believe. True, he's the only one who's ever killed Sephiroth, but the first time was just a fluke.

And if for some reason it had to be him – and that in and of itself seemed silly with Rhapsodos, Hewley, and Zack all alive and well again – if he was honestly the only person who could handle Sephiroth, why did he have to be trained by him? Rhapsodos and Hewley were practically on par with the man, certainly they would be reasonable replacements. If he was supposed to fight Sephiroth again, if he needed the resolve to potentially kill him again, then it seemed like a pretty shitty idea to allow Cloud to develop an emotional attachment to him.

And speaking of emotional attachments, what were they planning to do if he never remembered? Would they have just stuck him with a needle and gone Woohoo, you're enhanced. Now go kill Sephiroth? Seriously, what the hell? Did they honestly believe that he would have the resolve to murder his mentor, his idol without the support of all those terrible memories? Without the encouragement of fire and blood behind his eyelids? And would they have ever told him the truth? Sure, he couldn't exactly claim to have the best track record when it came to finding out the truth, but that's beside the point.

Plagued with his turbulent thoughts as he was, he's not entirely sure when he had fallen asleep. He just knows that he was still absolutely exhausted when he had startled awake at 4 in the morning, Hojo's cackling still ringing throughout his head.

He had tried to will himself back to sleep – training was already going to suck today, he didn't need to throw physical and mental fatigue into the mix – but the moment he closed his eyes again was the moment he found slitted green staring back at him. His shock was so bad, that he had sent himself clattering to the floor once more, dread tearing through his veins like the echoes of mako this morning.

He had stayed like that, braced on his hands and knees on the floor, eyes wide and probably bloodshot for Gaia knows how long. It wasn't like he was keeping track. No, he had been far too focused on the trembling that was wracking his body and the almost compulsive urge to never close his eyes again. Sure, he knows he had acted strong and masterfully composed in Rufus's office. But that's all it was – an act. It was just posturing, false bravado. He wasn't ready to do this. To face Sephiroth again. Heck, wasn't the third time supposed to be the charm anyway?

It wasn't until the terror had subsided – well, until Cloud had bottled the terror back up, really – and pushed himself back to wobbly legs, that he realized he wasn't exactly alone for this breakdown. His roommates were still in the room. Naturally, he had frozen in place, his breathing coming to a stop in an attempt to make as little noise as possible. It was entirely too late, of course, to do any good, but it was instinctual. Yet, the slow, even breathing that met him, that was in direct disagreement to his still pounding heart, was enough to tell him that his roommates were still asleep. Then again, if the sonorous grumble that was Garrett's snoring wasn't enough to wake them, then nothing was.


After that spectacularly botched attempt at trying to get back to sleep, Cloud was too afraid to try again (or to close his eyes again, really). Instead, he had snuck through the Tower once more – so much easier now that everybody else was asleep – and claimed the Combat Simulator for himself. If he had to deal with demons haunting him, then he knew just the remedy.

So what if he hadn't had any sleep or if he had skipped breakfast? And what does it matter if the monsters he was fighting had started to look like Sephiroth? If they had started adopting his mannerisms, if they were taunting him the same way Sephiroth used to – "You are too weak to save anyone. Not even yourself." It made no difference to him. He had survived worse.

And so what if he had started stumbling 10 Wererats, 7 Blugus, 5 Kalm Fangs, and 3 Nibel Wolves into his impromptu training? So what if he had narrowly avoided the harsh embrace of 5 sets of teeth, 3 tail fins, and 1 masterfully-aimed trident? He had cast Shield on himself for a reason.

Tifa would probably scold him for his 'unhealthy' coping mechanisms if she was here. Beg him to talk to somebody, or 'have his head shrunk' as Yuffie liked to put it. But Tifa wasn't there to stop him. Nobody was. Besides, he was a grown-ass man, regardless of the tiny body he was currently in. He'll do what he wants.

"I heard that I would find you here."

Whirling around, hackles raised, Cloud comes face-to-face with another monster wearing Sephiroth's skin. How had it snuck up on him? More importantly, when had Cloud summoned another one to fight? Gaia, he was too tired to remember... Well, whatever, he doesn't have time for that now. Not with the creature watching him from the other end of the cliffside.

Sure, perhaps the Midgar Wasteland wasn't the best choice of scenery for him, especially in his sleep-deprived state. And not with the ghost of Zack always a turn away. But if it distracted him from the remnants of Hojo's experimentation, then so be it.

Yet, distracted as he is, he doesn't miss the calculating look the still-disguised monster sends his way. It doesn't deserve more than a passing thought, though. Sure, it was almost impressively accurate, laughably so when compared to the monsters he fought earlier, but perhaps his inner demons were just adapting to his defenses. So much so that the creature almost sounded concerned. He won't fall for it, though. He's had enough of the real Sephiroth's mind games to last him two lifetimes.

Besides, he knows just how to deal with Sephiroth – imagined or not.

Unfortunately, in his weary state, it takes far too long to be considered good reflexes for the signal from his brain to reach the rest of his body. But the monster across the room is still surprisingly stationary by the time he manages to launch himself at it with a loud "HYA!"

It's only when his wrist is enclosed, a flick of the demon's own sending his borrowed sword clanging to the floor, that he realizes his mistake. This was the real Sephiroth.

Jerking back from the man's confusingly gentle grip, Cloud finds himself toppling to the floor, sparks already radiating outwards from his wrist. "Uhh… Sorry," he apologizes, entirely instinctually, unable to think straight with Sephiroth's (shocked?) eyes pinning him to the floor.

"…It's ok."

He stays sprawled like that for a heart-stopping eternity, entirely too startled by the man's appearance and his own appalling mistake to do more than blink stupidly at the man towering above him. That is, until Sephiroth holds a hand out to him, and Cloud finds a way to pull himself out of his stupor. Scrambling away, he drags himself back to his feet, far more unsteadily than he cares to admit, but he can handle himself. He doesn't need any help.

"How did you know where to find me?" he asks, suddenly far more interested in studying the floor he had just left rather than the man he had power-crawled away from.

"Tseng owed me a favor."

"Oh, right… cameras."

Cloud knows he's swaying. He tries to hide it, he really does. But Sephiroth hadn't been promoted to General for nothing. Not to mention that the man had always been terrifyingly hyperfocused when it came to him. "Have you gotten any sleep, Cloud?"

He absolutely hates the way his name sounds coming from Sephiroth's lips. Not that he would tell him. Not that he would give the man any more ammunition to use against him. But while he's at least moderately successful at hiding his reflexive twitch, he still can't help his curt tone when he replies, "I got enough."

Sephiroth pauses, Cloud can feel it. But he's so not ready for the concern staring back at him when he finally looks up. Had he said he was used to the man's mind games? He doesn't think he really was… Not if the unease building inside of him was anything to go by. But, before he can devolve further into his unnerved, fidgety state, Sephiroth sighs. "You should get some rest, Cloud. We'll continue your training tomorrow."

"No, I'm fine. I can do this." Theoretically, judging from the tingling in his limbs and the gnawing in his stomach, he probably isn't fine. But he doesn't need pity from Sephiroth of all people. And honestly, he's a little offended at the implication that he looks like he needs rest. He doesn't look that bad, does he?

"Cloud, you're in no state – "

"I said I'm fine."

There's another lengthy pause and a far more resigned sigh before Sephiroth gives in this time. "…Very well." The man presses a button on the control panel, and the Wasteland dissolves in front of them.

.

.

.

Up, down, feint left, slash right. It's all the same. Nothing makes a difference. Nothing he does is enough to break through that mask of Sephiroth's. It doesn't matter how he thrusts, lunges, swings (sways?), Sephiroth remains practically motionless, the man sparing only the barest effort to block those hits that Cloud lands, and providing no acknowledgement to the ones that don't even graze the air in front of him. No scolding, no mocking, no taunting smirk.

And that pisses Cloud off. Had it always been this difficult? He doesn't think so. Then again, he can't think of much right now. Not with the way his limbs (and head) ache and his stomach growls. But he doesn't need to think, just act. He can do this.

Jumping back, he takes a deep breath to prepare himself for his next move (and not to make sure that his legs hadn't completely turned to jelly, thank you). But that's when he sees it. Sees Sephiroth break his statue-esque pose and rush him, Masamune raised in front of him.

"Tell me what you cherish most. Give me the pleasure of taking it away."

Gritting his teeth, Cloud steels himself and leaps to meet his living nightmare. He's not sure why those words are enough to unnerve him so. It's not like it's the first time he's heard them. And it certainly wasn't the first time Sephiroth had charged at him, either. Besides, he knew the man would drop the harmless act sooner or later. It was only a matter of time.

With a harsh grunt, he brings his sword down in a violent arc, slicing clean through man and Masamune alike. But his victory is short-lived, and Cloud is left to watch, stunned, as the Sephiroth in front of him disappears, dissolving into thin air like the simulated monsters from before. Not even daring to blink, he drags his eyes upwards to where the real Sephiroth is, the man unmoved from his spot in the center of the room, an unreadable look on his face.

"You have failed again, I see."

Cloud can't help his scowl as he lunges at the real Sephiroth this time. Who was Sephiroth to judge him? Who cares if Cloud was hallucinating? He wasn't the only one who had failed. Cloud had been through hell and back, had been tempered over and over and over again because of Sephiroth's own failures.

Their charade continues like this for another 10 or so strokes, but when Cloud stops to catch his breath once more, Sephiroth sighs and sheathes his sword. "That's all for today, Cloud."

"No, I'm not done yet!" Cloud growls and lunges at the man once more.

He's not entirely sure what he was expecting, but Sephiroth batting his sword out of his hand as if it were no more than a twig and holding the sheathed end of Masamune up against his throat definitely wasn't it. "Cloud, that is enough." The man's voice brooks no argument, the end of his sword tilting Cloud's chin up to meet his eyes. Cloud scowls back, but he can't deny the shiver that goes down his spine. "You're in no condition to keep fighting."

"But, I – "

"No, Cloud. And that's final." Before Cloud can entirely process that the man's katana is no longer pressed to his throat, before he can register that he can move his head again, Sephiroth has collected Cloud's own discarded sword, keeping the overused weapon safely out of Cloud's reach. "…You know, If I didn't know any better, I would think you were actually trying to kill me."

"The thought never would have crossed my mind," Cloud responds, his eyes as dead as his mother's all those years ago.


"Oh, Sephiroth, darling! There you are!"

Cloud finds he can't help the scowl that slides over his face. Not at the sight of the red-clad woman throwing herself all over Sephiroth. But he swears it's because he can't stand Scarlet, regardless of how she was cradling Sephiroth's arm to her oversized bosom.

At least Tifa's was real.

"Scarlet, did you need something?" Sephiroth asks, unimpressed, the man delicately prying his arm from her clutches. Cloud is only slightly disappointed that Sephiroth wasn't rougher while freeing himself. He definitely wouldn't have minded seeing the man fling Scarlet across the room – Ding dong! The witch is dead!

…Well, he can dream at least.

"I wanted to finally meet your little pet, dearest, but I don't think he likes me that much! Kya ha ha!"

Cloud bites back his groan even as he looks up to find Scarlet regarding him like a cat would a mouse. Gaia, he already had to deal with Gya ha ha yesterday, did he really have to put up with Kya ha ha, too?

"You'll have to forgive him, he had a rough night," Sephiroth answers for him. Which, fine, whatever. It's not like he was doing that great a job of thinking straight today anyway.

"Oh, did he now?" Scarlet raises an eyebrow, her eyes roving over Cloud as if she was trying to find any chinks in his armor that she could exploit. There's something of a suggestive look on her face as she eyes him up, but Cloud's honestly in no state to be putting two and two together right now to figure out what she's thinking. "Well, I'm sure your little kitten can speak for himself."

"My apologies, miss. I didn't mean any disrespect," Cloud replies, doing his best to school his face into a mask of indifference. He thinks he's only successful at reducing his scowl to a slight wince, though. "I didn't get much sleep last night."

The trooper escorting Scarlet jolts at his words, but Scarlet only spares a quick quirk of her brow his way. "It would seem that a lot of people had trouble sleeping last night. Especially with what that idiot Heidegger tried to do."

Cloud blinks, uncomprehending, at the flashy woman. He doesn't remember Scarlet ever being this understanding, or even being known to be understanding… But, whatever, he's too tired to focus on that now. Not that he even has the time to focus on anything, not with the way Scarlet is smirking at him. "You know, Sephiroth. Your little kitten is absolutely adorable. You should be careful or somebody might snatch him right out from underneath you."

Brain still failing him, Cloud remains entirely frozen to the spot, watching helplessly as Scarlet reaches out to grab him. He had never learned how to (appropriately) handle an older woman making a move on him.

But it turns out Cloud doesn't need to know what to do, Sephiroth swatting the woman's straying hand away and stepping in front of him, a surprising amount of anger in the man's voice as he warns, "I'm in no mood for your games today, Scarlet."

"Touchy."

Cloud peers, baffled, around his temporary and unexpected shield as Scarlet strides off, the woman not appearing intimidated in the slightest, a smirk still on her lips. What just happened?

"Come along, Cloud."

"…Right."


"If I'm being honest, Cloud, I should probably discipline you for going to the Simulator alone without telling anybody of your whereabouts," Sephiroth informs him after they've returned to the man's office. Well, after Sephiroth ordered him back to his office, really. Cloud still wasn't entirely ready to talk to him just yet. Or ever. But Sephiroth never did care for what he wanted. "But I know how hard this must be for you."

Cloud shoots out of his chair – the one he had only taken cause Sephiroth insisted he sit down – as anger swells in him. What did Sephiroth know? Crossing his arms indignantly (not defensively and certainly not self-consciously) in front of him, he snaps back, "No, you don't! You don't know a damn thing about me!"

All emotion drains from Sephiroth's face, that unreadable mask back once more, as the man regards him from the other side of his desk. After a brief, tense pause, Sephiroth nods slowly and concedes, "…Very well. But still, there are rules in place for a reason. You can't go breaking them just because you're my student." Cloud pulls a face at the reminder of his 'lofty' position. "From here on out, you'll need to be accompanied by either me or one of the other 1sts if you wish to go any higher than the 59th floor."

Cloud sneers at the man in front of him, his hands falling from his chest to ball up at his sides. "I'm supposed to save the world from you – again – and I need a fucking chaperone?"

"Cloud, please watch your language."

"You're not my mother! You wanna know how I know that?! You killed her!"

"Good, Cloud. Very good. Hold on to that hatred."

"…My apologies."

Cloud's almost won over by the regretful look on Sephiroth's face, but he knows better. He knows who the real Sephiroth is, and this wasn't it. The damn voices in his head that won't. shut. up. are proof enough of that. "Apologies don't change a damn thing!" Sephiroth flinches, but really, he has no right to. Absolutely no right. "You can't honestly have expected me to be happy about this," he gestures at Sephiroth like Garrett had him last night. "What was the point of you training me anyway? Surely, Rhapsodos or Hewley would have been enough."

"You're the only one capable of stopping me."

The words in his head certainly don't explain anything. But he ignores them in favor of picking apart whatever flimsy excuse Sephiroth has come up with this time. "Angeal and Genesis are certainly very strong, but they've never bested me. And I'm not willing to take any chances, Cloud. If I lose the fight to Jenova again, I need to know that I can be stopped. My training you was the only logical solution."

"Why couldn't one of the other SOLDIERs be trained, then? Surely, they would have been a better option, especially with my track record with mako poisoning."

But Sephiroth just shakes his head, sad slitted eyes holding Cloud's own. "…It has to be you, Cloud."

"Oh?" Cloud's sure the sneer is still on his face. He's so not impressed right now.

"You are the only one that has ever defeated me, the only one who has ever matched me." Sephiroth looks embarrassed, but Cloud knows that can't be right. It must be the sleep-deprivation again. "…And you're the only one I've ever dropped my guard around." Cloud bristles at the implication that he could only ever match Sephiroth because the man underestimated him. He almost tells Sephiroth that the man can take his guard and shove it, but Sephiroth apparently isn't finished listing Cloud's 'virtues'. "You're resourceful, Cloud. You recognize your shortcomings and you know how to compensate for them." Cloud doesn't care if he's unenhanced. If Sephiroth says anything about his height, he'll punch him. "And you know how to use your enemy's strength to your advantage. That might not seem important, but I can say for a fact that most of the SOLDIERs currently on the roster aren't even capable of admitting that their opponent is stronger than they are, much less using it to their advantage."

Cloud's almost tempted to blush at or even thank the man for the praise (was it praise?). But he hadn't gotten this far by being agreeable. Raising an eyebrow, unimpressed, he drawls, "Oh? And you think that makes me the best candidate?" He would have given anything to hear those words when he was a kid. Heck, he was still dreaming of being Sephiroth's equal not even two days ago. But now? Now he just feels so empty inside… Though, that might just be the hunger talking.

"I know it does." Cloud scoffs, but Sephiroth pays him no mind. "Besides, you already know what would happen if I fail again. You have those memories fueling you. You are the only candidate."

"What of Zack? He was there that day, too. And he's stronger than me. Surely, he should be trained, too." Even as the words fall from his mouth, Cloud hates himself for them. Hates himself for so callously offering Zack to the god of death in front of him.

But before he has a chance to walk back his words, to take back his unfair sacrifice, Sephiroth sighs. The man leans back in his chair, even while Cloud still stands tense in front of him, and crosses his arms over his almost bare chest … Not that Cloud was looking. "Angeal and Genesis were enhanced the same way as I, and are both therefore susceptible to Jenova's influence. Zack will already have his hands full if either of them turn."

Ok, fine. Cloud will give Sephiroth that point. He hadn't even thought of that. Doesn't mean he's happy, though. "So, I'm just a failsafe? Is that why you spent so much time looking for me the other day? Because I'm the only one who can 'match' you?"

"I'm glad you're safe."

Cloud shakes his head in a vain attempt to block out the voices, to ignore the feeling of strong arms wrapped protectively around him, of warm hands branding his body. He's disgusted that he actually wants Sephiroth to touch him, to hold him again, to tell him that he's safe. Hates that he yearns to be on the receiving end of the man's dry humor – I found him first, Gen – and rumbling laughter again. That he craves the feeling of sparks tingling throughout his body as his hands are encased in Sephiroth's once more.

"No, Cloud! Of course not!" The alarm in the man's voice is enough to pull Cloud from his head, and he finds that Sephiroth had risen from his seat, his hands now braced against his desk. Wow, the man certainly was going to a lot of effort to convince Cloud of his sincerity… Then again, he didn't exactly have the puppet thing going for him this time. But, still, Cloud will admit that the concern written all across that deceptively handsome face was rather impressive. "I would never…"

Cloud snorts derisively – he would never what? Use him? Hurt him? Yeah, right. "What would you have done if I never remembered? Would you have told me anything? I'm not strong like Zack! I wouldn't have had the resolve to k-kill you…" Even as he chokes on his words, the voices are back, berating him again.

"Don't pretend you're sad. Why tremble with anger that's not even there?"

"Cloud…"

There are tears rolling down his cheeks now – maybe that was why Sephiroth looked so bothered by this talk – but Cloud's too far gone to care. "You've seen first-hand how crappy my self-confidence is! What the hell were you going to do if I never remembered?"

"We were trying to build up your self-confidence."

"Really? And how was that going for you?" Sephiroth winces, but Cloud doesn't give him time to answer. It was a rhetorical question anyway. "And what if I never remembered? You know what happened the last time I was bathed in mako. Would you have just stuck me with a needle and hoped for the best? Would you have cackled like Hojo, too, while you were at it? While I writhed as the mako tore through me?"

"But through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?"

"No! Of course not!"

Cloud doesn't even have it in him to process the horror on Sephiroth's face. "Was everything a lie? Was this all a trick just so you could get me to do what you wanted?" Sephiroth opens his mouth, but Cloud doesn't give him the chance to talk. He doesn't want to hear it. "Were you just going to pump me full of Jenova cells without telling me anything?!"

"Face it, Cloud. All you are is an empty puppet."

Groaning, Cloud grabs his head as he's assaulted by these warring memories of Sephiroth. Gaia, he's crazy. Crazier than when Sephiroth was still pulling his little puppet strings. If he wasn't already positive that he no longer had any S-cells in him – his eyes certainly don't glow anymore – then he might be convinced that the man was playing with his head again.

"Cloud! Are you ok?!"

He looks up just in time to see Sephiroth reaching for him, the man on Cloud's side of the table now. Eyes widening in fear, he jerks back, his hand reaching subconsciously for Tsurugi, panic setting in when all he finds is thin air. "DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Sephiroth stands frozen in front of him, his hand still dangling in the air, the man barely breathing. "…Cloud."

"Haven't you ruined my life enough?"

"Please, Cloud…"

"I thought – " Cloud chokes on his words again, stopping himself from saying something pathetic like 'I thought you cared about me'. As if he would actually say anything like that. As if he would show any more weakness in front of Sephiroth.

"Cloud, please, let me – "

"Just leave me alone!" is all Cloud manages before he practically flees from Sephiroth's office.

"Run, Cloud… Run away."


A/N:

- First off, I am sorry. I know some of you probably expected that talk to go better, but I figure things have to get worse for before they get better.

- Sake, I found a use for Scarlet! Just a hint for now, though.

- I was thinking of How to Train Your Dragon ("You just gestured to all of me") while writing this chapter, and then my friend said "Ding dong the witch is dead" in reference to something this week, which is how those two phrases made their way into this chapter.

- I meant to cover Cloud's self-confidence issues several chapters ago, but I kept thinking of new things to add to the fic and it kept getting pushed back. But, anyway, part of the reason his self-confidence was worse this time around was because he never knew Johnson the first time (and Johnson's a nasty piece of work).

- Also, I have been waiting since like Chapter 1 to make that "Relegated to the role of NPC" joke!

- My brother sent me this joke. Excuse me while I go cry in a corner 😭

Patient: "Doc, I feel like I'm getting old."

Doc: "Hmm... Tell me, did you play Final Fantasy VII when it first came out?"

Patient: "Yeah I played it as a kid. It's my favorite game."

Doc: *writes in chart* Patient is basically dead.