Chapter 3 - In tomorrow i see no promise (And yesterday was like today)
"Be grateful that for the first time, you see your life clearly."
"Sure." His hand rubbed his chin absentmindedly as his gaze tried to see something far away.
"Perhaps you could help somebody? Helping, makes you really happy." A hint of desperation tinted the woman's words. It touched him that she was trying too hard to help.
A weary sigh escaped him. "But I still don't believe in nothing'."
"Often, neither do I." His eyes turned to the woman with surprise. "But then… I meet someone like you. And everything makes sense!"
A rasping laugh escaped him, quickly turning into painful coughs. "You're too smart for me, sister!" His body sagged back into the seat, shoulders slouching with weight. "I guess I…"
Soulful eyes, shining like the glass to his aching heart, turned to the woman.
"I'm afraid."
With eyes snapping open, Nathan woke up instantly but unaware of his surroundings. His blurry eyes flitted around, trying to recognize anything. He blinked to clear his vision, and a tear fell down his face. There was a wall in front of him. That 's a curtain. He pulled it open, and recognition of the area came to him.
He lay still in his bed, head feeling heavy even with the pillow supporting it. He took deep breaths to try and calm himself. So many feelings were swirling inside his chest. Tiredness. Resignation. Sorrow. Fear.
With a jolt at the thought, he jumped out of bed, heading for the exit. The room was stifling, the walls seeming to close around him. He needed to get out now!
His feet stomped in the steps, but he spared no thought to the loud noises he must be making. At the ground floor, the exit greets him, the only clear thing in the blurry room to him.
He started running, letting his body take him where it needed to go. He couldn't see his surroundings, with everything blurry and looking the same. Thoughts raced slowly in his mind, questions forming at paradoxical speeds, making him nauseous.
Grey gave way to green and blue, and he stopped moving. His chest felt like it was burning from the exertion, and he braced his arms on his knees, trying to catch his breath. With his gaze focusing slowly, all the sensations made the ground he was looking at appear more and more like a good place to throw up.
His mind stayed quiet during his recuperation, the extreme exertion making it difficult to think of anything, and for that he was grateful. It took some time, but finally he could stand upright without the urge to vomit. His questions came back with a vengeance.
This was the third time now he'd had these strange dreams, and that clearly made a pattern. Why was he seeing these things? He could understand nothing about them. And yet, they felt so significant. So real. He felt like a part of him understood, and that confused him even more.
He started pacing, the action grounding him in reality, making it marginally easier to think.
Did he know these people, and he was remembering them through dreams? But that wouldn't explain how he felt what the man had. His pacing increased in speed, trampled grass marking his path.
What was it that he was even seeing? An image of the dream flitted through his mind with astonishing clarity. The station. The railroad. The nun and the cowboy. The fear.
His pacing stopped abruptly, head falling to his hands as whispers assaulted him. Information filled his brain from everywhere, all at once. and he suddenly remembered. About cowboys, and their roles in movies. About guns. About religions. The sickness returned, and he braced himself in a tree, afraid of falling with his head to the ground.
How did he know these things? They aren't a part of magical culture. Did he like learning about the other parts of humanity before the memory loss? Was he a part of that world before coming to this school? What about his parents then? Were they-
The train of thought crashed violently, and he almost fell face first into the ground. His muscles were tensed in the effort to stop the thought, but it was too late..
"Who are my parents?" The words left his lips on their own, a soft whisper carried in the silence of the clearing. No response came from the world. And as he tried to remember, no response came from himself.
He could remember nothing of them. No faces came to him. No syllables to their names. Not a single thing came to mind.
His stomach churned violently, and he bent over on reflex. Too much, it was all too much. Nathan took out in a sprint, willing the winds rushing through his ears to take the thoughts away with them. And if that didn't work he would run until he couldn't think anymore.
With desperation moving his legs, he ran aimlessly. His mind was getting sluggish, but he didn't slow down. His feet were starting to hurt, but he did not stop. His chest felt like it was about to implode. His body gave out before his will did.
He stumbled to a halt, rolling a little in the ground and falling to his back. His lungs greedily took in air, his legs started burning horrifically. But he still felt better than before, his mind quiet with lack of oxygen.
He didn't move from his position, on his back, watching the clouds roll by. Sky gazing lost its appeal, and Nathan sat up, eyes falling to the enormous lake.
It was beautiful.
The light reflected on the water, making it shine and shimmer. Part of the castle was reflected upon its surface. He closed his eyes and inhaled. It smelled like rain and the sea. In his ears, the soft waves continued to move, lazily bobbing up and-
His eyes opened to look back to the lake. There were no waves to be seen. But there was sand. Flying and floating in his vision, permanently stuck in front of his eyes. He could hear a buzzing in his ears now. A strange high pitched noise, that seemed to have no end. Very faintly he could hear the ocean behind that sound.
Numbness fell around him like a blanket, a strange melancholy sitting beside him in the space created. He closed his eyes and listened to the waves, the heavy feeling his only company.
The sound slowly faded, and the numbness went with it. Opening his eyes, there were no more grains in them. His stomach grumbled painfully, begging for some sustenance. With a sigh, Nathan got up and headed back.
A small group of people loitered around the common room when he entered. Time must've passed faster than he noticed, but keeping track of time was not his priority when he woke up today.
Some people turned to him at his entrance, their faces screwing in confusion at his dirty and soaked pajamas. Making good impressions here Nathan. He forced himself to ignore them as he went to the stairs.
The same boy from the previous days was still sitting on his customary table by the stairs, his hand blurring from his writing. Unlike the other times, Nathan felt deep compassion for the student. Thoughts of his still due homework accompanied him upstairs.
Half the people in the dorm still seemed to be asleep, with their curtains drawn around their beds. Being more mindful than he had been earlier, Nathan gathered his things and went to the bathroom.
Checking his watch after a shower brought a bout of panic that made him rush to get ready and out the door. Thankfully, when he reached the great hall, breakfast was still being served.
Pulling out his timetable, he checked the next classes he would have. Herbology and arithmancy. The second one sounded complicated. With a sight, he put the paper back into his bag and kept eating. His gaze roved over the few other students around, both from Hogwarts and the international schools. It was easier to see now, with the few students, something he thought he'd noticed other times. They didn't mingle, like water and oil.
A faint memory came to him, a whispered speech about 'international cooperation', and he couldn't stop the derisive chuckle from escaping. Great work people, its working wonders. He stood from his seat with a bit of toast on hand, and headed out to the library.
He walked distractedly, as he rummaged through his full bag for a notebook he had found, filled with past homework assignments.
Suddenly, he bumped into someone. He managed to regain his footing before toppling over, but his victim wasn't so lucky. "Shit." He uttered softly, leaning over and offering the girl a hand. "Im so sorry. You okay?" He asked as he helped her up, glancing over her body to see any injuries.
Her blonde hair was so light in tone it almost looked like white. Around her neck was a strange necklace made of what seemed like bottle caps. She was barefoot for some reason. His earlier run on pajamas and with no shoes came back to him, and he bent over to grab her scattered things to stop thinking about it.
She was patting her ass to get rid of the dirt as Nathan stood straight with her things in his hands. "It's okay, I wasn't paying attention either." He could now see her face properly, noting she looked pretty, even with the weird earrings she had on- Are those vegetables?
Her attention went to his hand offering her possession back. "Thank you-" she paused as her gaze went to his face, light blue eyes widening slightly.
Feeling awkward and bewildered at the unnerving stare, Nathan tried to think of what to say, before the girl surprised him by curtsying, "It's very nice meeting you, Mr Wanderer!".
A bewildered look crossed his face, but he decided to humor the strange girl, bowing back to her. "You too, Miss…?"
"Luna Lovegood!" The girl answered, voice airy and dreamy.
"I'm Nathan Winters." She was still staring with unnervingly wide eyes at him. He kept talking, trying to make her attention waver to someplace else. "Why did you call me, uh, 'Mr. wanderer'?"
The petite girl's head cocked to the side, in an admittedly cute manner, and her face became confused. The impression he got was that she thought that was a stupid question.
"Are you not lost?"
A chill ran up his body, all the hair in his body standing on end all at once. "What?" The question came out in a whisper of shock.
The girls smiled softened. "I wish you luck on finding your way!" With a parting bow of her head, she skipped off. He followed the odd girl with his eyes, until she took a corner and disappeared.
He stood frozen on his spot, heart racing for a while. His chest stopped hurting and he resumed his walk with a tired sigh. In some minutes he would be developing a migraine. No need to add to it by trying to understand the conversation that just happened.
With those encouraging thoughts, he proceeded on his path to his torture in the library.
With a tired mind, Nathan walked out of the library, finally done with his studying. His hand ached, his eyes were burning, and his head was ready to explode. But he was finally done with his homework. The ones due the next day.
He left the dreaded potions essay untouched. Problem for future him.
He stepped out with a notebook in hand, the one where his previous assignments had been noted down. Some pages were now filled with drawings for when he needed a break. Most were simple doodles. Others were full of sketches.
A strange bike. A cowboy. A flower. A bird. A little girl. All things that seemed distantly familiar. All things he did not recognize.
He only noticed the darkness when he passed a window, the light of the moon illuminating the ground. He paused beside it, looking out into the darkness. When his brain finally processed what he was seeing he reached into his pocket and retrieved it.
It was almost ten pm.
His body lost its strength, falling to the wall beside him. Twelve hours. Just for two pieces of subpar homework. His hurting hands gripped the wall with all he had, the realization of how truly bad the situation he was in trying to floor him with all it had.
He forced himself to bend over, taking off his boots and holding them with one hand, while the other held his bag steady as he started lightly jogging. "Probably ran the equivalent of a marathon today." His bitter voice carried the words to the empty space.
He found one or two professors in some of the turns he didn't need to take, and was able to simply pass without making a sound when they turned their backs.
Finally he reached the end of the maze of corridors, when a couple turned in his direction. Before he could panic completely, his head turned to the window next to him, and he jumped up to it without hesitation.
Breathing as softly as possible, he watched the duo pass, their heads level with his shins, talking about finding a 'private place'. He jumped down after they were far enough. "Really smart decision to put teenagers in positions of power."
Finally arriving at the entrance, he gave the password to the woman looking through narrowed eyes at him. "Lost track of time in the library, sorry." He said with a small sheepish grin, in hopes of placating her.
"Try not to let it happen again." She said before getting out of his way.
The common room was barren, except for one figure, sitting on the sofa. The curly haired girl, balls of yarn around her, and long sticks in her hands.
The girl turned to him as she noticed his presence, her hands stopping briefly in their task so she could focus on him. Her eyes widened when she recognized him, their iris a deep brown that glowed golden in the light of the fire. He couldn't look away. I need to rest.
"Oh, Hello!" A small warm smile grew on her face, but he felt no energy be drained from him. He probably had nothing left in the tank for the girl to sap from him. Or he was starting to like her smiles.. "What were you doing after curfew?" Her gaze traveled to his boots on his hand, and then his bare feet, as she asked the question.
"I was doin' homework. I, ah, lost track a time." A stifled giggle escaped her, and he felt his lips twitch.
"I used to do that too. Is it the same homework from yesterday?"
"Nah, gave up on that one.. Was doin' arithmancy." Only now he noticed the small slurring of his words.
"Oh, did you think it was hard? I thought question 3 and 7 were a little complicated- I mean, the professor said we only needed to- I tried other solutions but it didn't- Then i tried exchanging the values of- That way it worked, so i will probably ask-"
The girl just kept excitedly rambling on, deja vu hitting his sluggish brain like a slap. In his state he didn't even try following the girl's speech. In one ear, out the other.
The girl stopped herself abruptly, seeming to finally realize what she had been doing. "Oh, I'm sorry, I think I got a little too excited." Her shoulder dropped a little, and her head tilted downwards slightly, a sheepish smile on her face.
"No, s'okay. My brain's jus' kinda fried." Amusement became clear on her face once more, and he was sure he should be insulted.
Awkward silence, that even Nathan noticed, filled the room."So. What you knitting?" He asked. Her gaze fell to her hands, as if she'd forgotten what she had been doing before he walked in.
"Oh. I'm knitting for the house elves!"
.
…
…..
The what?
His expression must have conveyed his confusion, as the girl answered his unvoiced questions.
"I'm knitting so I can free the house elves. They shouldn't be forced to work, even more so in a very demanding environment such as this castle!"
That explanation helped in absolutely no way whatsoever. She probably noticed that, as she scooted over in the couch, and gestured for him to take a seat. As he fell into the sofa soft whispers filled his ears, and the dull throbbing in his brain spiked for a moment before settling again.
"Are you a muggleborn?" He simply nodded absentmindedly, and more information came to him. The girl simply continued her now unneeded explanation.
"So, there are these beings, called house elves. They are these small creatures that are enslaved by wizardkind, and forced to work without rest. Else they suffer severe punishment."
"The fuck?!" The words escaped his lips with disbelief. That information has not come to him. The girl shot him a reproachful look, and he duly noted not to curse in front of her.
Her look softened as she turned her eyes to the fireplace. "Yes, it's very horrifying. The only way to free the house elves is to give them clothes, so I'm knitting them these so they can all be free."
Nothing more was said, as Nathan sat, trying to understand what he'd just been told, and the girl was lost to her own thoughts. One more thing for me to research.
He came out of his funk to see the girl effortlessly knitting what looked like a beanie. He went to get up, but was stopped by her voice. "Would… Would you like to try?"
She was looking at him with big hopeful eyes that were almost enough to convince him. But he was tired, and the next day would be a long day. Right now, he just wanted to go up to his bed and get some rest and relaxation.
.
…
…..
I'm not gonna find that in my sleep.
"Sure" His voice still sounded tired, nonetheless he offered his hand. The girl beamed at him, exuberance returning along with her smile as she gave him two big needles and some yarn. This time he smiled back.
The girl was patient with her teaching, never getting mad when he made an error, a smile glued to her face.
He was truly horrible at this, the needles feeling awkward in his hands. How he could draw well but not hold the things properly was a mystery to him. He constantly had to restart because he had skipped a step to the process. Or done a step in the wrong manner. The girl kept smiling, correcting his mistakes.
The task was frustrating, and he wanted to stop. But the girl kept encouraging him, and making small talk. So he kept going.
He only stopped when the girl shot to her feet in panic. "It's so late!" She started piling her things into her bag, and he helped her retrieve her things. He took a look at the clock on the wall. It was already past 11.
The girl turned to him, her smile still in place. "Thank you for helping me with this. Would you-" She cut her sentence short, and started worrying at her lip as he waited for her to gather herself, "Would you like to help me again another day?"
"Yeah, I would like that." A beaming smile grew in her face. He finally noticed the relaxed smile on his own lips.
"Goodnight, Nathan." With a wave she departed, going up the stairs as fast as she could. He stood by the fireplace for a while, basking in the warmth in his chest.
As he laid in his bed, he slowly drifted to sleep, a relaxed smile and hope for tomorrow making him company.
