Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 25
Hermione stared down at the Head Girl badge in her hands, the letter Professor McGonagall had sent her offering her the position now tucked away in her bag. If the war hadn't happened, Hermione would have said she expected this. She had spent her years at Hogwarts doing her best to be top of her class so that she could secure herself a position as prestigious as Head Girl.
However, now Hermione didn't know if she deserved it. She had aided Draco Malfoy in the assination of Hogwarts' greatest Headmaster which had also allowed the school to be infiltrated by Death Eaters. Was she really the best person to represent the students of Hogwarts?
"What have you got there, Mione?" asked Harry as he and Ron strolled into the living room of the Burrow.
She looked up at them from her seat on the couch, a slight frown on her face. "Professor McGonagall's offered me the Head Girl position." she said shortly.
"That's brilliant!" exclaimed Harry, a grin spreading across his face.
"We all knew it'd be you, Mione. Mum will want to throw a big party now." Ron beamed as the boys sat next to her, looking down at the shiny badge.
She bit her lip with a small shrug. "Yeah…"
"You don't seem too excited." Harry pointed out as Ron took the badge from her hands, inspecting it.
"It's just… I don't know." she sighed, unsure of how to explain her thoughts to them. "Do I really deserve it? After everything?" She didn't have to explain what "everything" was. They all knew.
"Of course you deserve it." Ron said after a few moments of silence. "You've worked for it, Mione. If anyone deserves it, it's you."
"Yeah. None of that matters anymore, you helped defeat Voldemort. You saved our necks countless times. You fought hard in the war…" Harry trailed off. He didn't talk about the war often, especially since he hated the way his victory had increased his popularity in the Wizarding world tenfold. "You've got to forgive yourself, Hermione."
She offered him a tight smile before nodding slightly. "I know it's just… I don't know how I feel about representing Hogwarts as Head Girl after-"
"No one blames you for that. Not anymore." Ron cut her off and she stared at him in slight shock. Ron had been the first person to blame her the night of Dumbeldore's death. "Look… we know you didn't mean it. You were tricked by him. You've learned your lesson and now you know better than trusting those snakes." he continued, patting her shoulder.
She felt her stomach drop. She knew she could never forgive Draco, but hearing Ron's words really set it in stone. "Yeah, you guys are right." she said quickly, tucking the badge into her bag. "I'll let Professor Mcgonagall know I've accepted the position. Have either of you got the position of Head Boy?" she stared at them hopefully.
Harry let out a chuckle. "Nope. McGonagall had to force me to even come back for my seventh year, there's no way I'm taking on anymore responsibilities this year. Except Quidditch captain. I'll take that." he grinned.
She understood where he was coming from. After all that Harry had had thrust upon him over the last year, he really did deserve a peaceful year at Hogwarts. "Ron?" she asked, turning to him.
Ron shook his head. "As if McGonagall would appoint me as Head Boy. I still don't know how I became a prefect." he grinned.
She cracked a small smile back as she thought back to her surprise at finding out Ron had been made a prefect in their fifth year. "I wonder who it'll be." she mused aloud before the trio dove into conversation on what was to come this year at Hogwarts.
September 1998
Hermione made her way up to the Headmaster's office, her shiny new Head Girl badge pinned to her robes. She had been instructed by Professor McGonagall to come to school on their first day back a bit early so that she could introduce her to the Head Boy and give her a brief run down of their duties.
Her first thought on who her partner might be would've been Harry, but she knew he wasn't offered the position. Nor was Ron. Perhaps it was Michael Corner? He was a well rounded student who had been a prefect as well.
She spoke the password leading up to the office and watched as the staircase began to move, granting her access. She smoothened out her robes and took a deep breath before pushing open the door to the office. The smile on her face quickly dropped as she took in the sight of a certain platinum haired Slytherin sitting in the chair across the Headmaster's desk.
He looked much better than she had seen him in the papers. His hair had been cut and now sat clean and short on the top of his head. It was a bit messier than he had kept it during his years at Hogwarts and she could tell he didn't bother with any products to keep it slicked back anymore. The light stubble on his jaw was gone and he had gained most of his weight back. His long legs were stretched out in front of him and her breath hitched as he glanced over his shoulder at her as she entered the room. His beautiful silver eyes had purple eye bags under them and she froze as his eyes bore into her own.
"Ms. Granger. Have a seat." said Professor McGonagall, breaking the tense silence in the room as she gestured to the seat next to Draco.
It couldn't be. Draco Malfoy couldn't be the Head Boy. This had to be a big misunderstanding. She forced her eyes away from him, choosing to stare at the Headmaster as she made her way over to the chair. She took her seat without a word, trying to ignore the silver orbs she felt staring next to her.
"I'm sure you two can guess why you are here tonight. After careful consideration, we have decided that you two would make the best Heads this year at Hogwarts. I expect both of you to remain civil and professional while you work together throughout the year." Professor McGonagall said, looking pointedly at Draco. He stared back at her without a word.
"Professor," Hermione finally spoke, trying to sound cool and collected. "I don't understand. He… how could you make him the Head Boy? He's a Death Eater! He… he's the reason Professor Dumbledore is dead!" she exclaimed, no longer caring if she sounded rude. It was absurd.
"Ms. Granger, please." McGonagall looked at her disapprovingly. "Mr. Malfoy has been cleared of all crimes by the Ministry. Albus had always planned for you two to take on these positions, and I am honouring his wishes. We've all fought bravely in this war, and it is now time to move forward. We must progress as a society and put our pasts behind us."
Hermione stared at her, at a loss for words. How could this be happening? "I've already explained my choice to Mr. Malfoy when he tried to refuse the position last month. I am confident in this decision and I am aware that you two come from very different pasts, however we need to show our students that we are united as one. You two as a pair will perfectly represent this." McGonagall explained in a tone that told Hermione she was not up for arguments.
Hermione stared at her favourite professor for a minute, debating whether or not she should push the woman further. With a sigh she decided not to and leaned back in ehr seat, arms crossed over her chest.
"Well," McGonagall said in a pleased tone. "You two will have your own private wing on the sixth floor. You will share a living space, kitchen and bathroom. You will have your own private bedrooms within this dorm. Do keep in mind that this private dorm is a privilege, not a right. It can be easily revoked along with your Head title. The password is 'unified'." she explained, handing them each a parchment with all the information they needed as new Heads.
Hermione felt her stomach drop impossibly further into her stomach. She would have to share a wing with him? Sharing the Heads title wasn't enough? She couldn't even avoid him now if she wanted to! She bit her lip to keep herself from protesting as Mcgonagall continued her speech outlining their duties.
It was going to be a long year.
Hermione left the Gryffindor tower, making her way to the Heads dorm. She had come to the Gryffindor common room following dinner after completing her duties to discuss the Head Boy with her friends. She had wanted to explain to them that she had had no idea what Mcgonagall had planned and that they had nothing to worry about on her end. She had also wanted to avoid going back to the dorm where she knew Draco was.
It was now nearing midnight and she prayed he was asleep or locked away in his room as she muttered the dorm password. "Unified," she said, watching as the portrait of a little girl carrying a basket of flowers flew open, revealing her new living space to her.
She gasped as she took it all in. The living area was a beautiful mix of Gryffindor red and Slytherin green with two plush couches, two arm chairs, a cozy rug and a crackling fireplace. The kitchen was small, but just enough for two students. The far right wall had two staircases leading up to two separate bedrooms. The first bedroom door sported the Gryffindor emblem, while the second sported the Slytherin.
She headed towards the kitchen, interested in seeing how Hogwarts had adapted a pretty modern looking kitchen into the old castle. She didn't hear the footsteps making their way down the stairs and towards her.
"You decided to come after all," she heard an all too familiar drawl behind her and her knees nearly buckled as she froze in the spot.
She slowly turned to face Draco, lips parted in surprise. She wasn't ready to see him yet. Not so closely. Not so personally. "It is my dorm." she finally said after a few seconds of silence, hoping she sounded nonchalant.
Draco's lip turned up into a tiny smile at her response and she felt her heart ache at the sight. Oh how long it'd been since she'd seen that smile.
"Can we… can we talk?" he asked, staring down at her expectantly.
She looked away, shaking her head. "I don't think that's a good idea." she said shortly, moving to pick up her bag and make her way to her room. As she moved to brush past him, she felt a cool hand grip her elbow through her thin school shirt. She froze, sparks shooting up her arm from where he touched her.
"I'm sorry." he said, so quietly she was almost unsure if she had heard him correctly. He used his grip on her arm to turn her back around to face him, his hand never dropped from her arm. "For everything. Using you to fix the cabinet. Lying about it. Letting the Death Eaters in. Dumbledore's death. Everything that happened at the Manor…" he trailed off, swallowing hard.
She stared at him in shock. He was apologizing? She didn't know what to say.
"I hurt you. I betrayed you. I… I lied to you. It was wrong, all of it. Everything's gone to shit and you're still the only person I think about. The last few months… while I was… away… the thought of seeing you again was the only thing keeping me sane." he used his hold on her to pull her closer until they stood nearly chest to chest. "I know I don't deserve you, but I'm begging you. Give me another chance." he pleaded.
Her heart ached terribly. He sounded so honest, so genuinely sorry. She couldn't detect a hint of deceit in his tone, and she knew how difficult it was for Draco to put his pride aside and say all of this to her. The mention of his time in Azkaban… she wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them and hug him…
But she couldn't. He had deceived her before, made her fall head over heels in love with him only to stab her in the back. He was like a beautiful angel on the outside and a sly devil deep within.
"I… I can't." she shook her head, pulling her arm from his grasp. "Just leave me alone, okay? We can talk about our Heads duties if we need to, but I need you to stay out of my way."
"Well I can't do that." he stepped forward until he stood in front of her, cutting off her path to her bedroom.
She stared at him in shock, before trying to push him out of her way. He firmly held his ground, not budging. "Move!" she hissed.
He shook his head stubbornly. "No." he challenged.
She glared up at him and the two stared intensely at each other, both daring the other to do something. "I hate you." she hissed the phrase that hit him where it hurt. "You ruined my life. You made me hate myself. You took advantage of me. You're a coward. You're a horrible, cold human being and I don't know how I saw anything good in you. I pity you, Draco Malfoy. I really do. And I will never see you in any sort of positive way ever again." she spat.
She didn't know how much of what she was saying she actually meant, but she wanted to hurt him. She wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her. The way he stared at her, a shocked expression on his face as a result of her words gave her a dark twinge of satisfaction deep within her.
"I hope it keeps you up at night, Draco. The amount of nights I cried myself to sleep because of you. The fact that Dumbledore is dead because of you. The sounds of my screams while you watched your Aunt Bellatrix torture me." she felt a fire burst within her, the anguish she constantly felt pouring out. "I hope you feel as terrible as you've made me feel. I hope it kills you inside to know what your decisions have caused." she continued, watching his jaw twitch in response.
"Remember the necklace?" she continued before he could open his mouth to speak. She reached down into her bag, reaching for the small pocket inside and pulling out the thin gold chain from which the dragon pendant hung. His face hardened as his eyes flickered between her neck and the beautiful jewelry, realizing she had taken it off. "You told me as long as I was wearing it, it'd mean I was yours. Well, you can have it back." she shoved the necklace into his palm which hung at his side.
"Like I told you before. I never want to speak to you again. Leave me alone." she said firmly, shoving back him as he stood frozen in the spot.
She ignored the ache in her chest as the adrenaline she had been feeling died down and the guilt crept in. Had she really said all that? And had she really meant it?
Draco stood there for a minute, replaying her words over and over in his head. They were done. She truly and utterly hated him. She was finished with him; she saw him as nothing more than dirt on the bottom of his shoe.
An unfamiliar feeling crept into his chest and he raised his hand to clutch at his beating heart, only to realize a cool chain was still hanging from his fingers. He stared down at the first and only gift he had given her. The gift that symbolized the solidity of their relationship. The gift that showed him her heart belonged to him.
But none of that mattered anymore. The necklace sitting in the palm of his hand didn't mean anything anymore except that Hermione Granger was completely done with him. She hated every fibre of his being. He felt frustration rise within him and his jaw tightened as he closed his hand around the chain.
"I hope it keeps you up at night, Draco. The amount of nights I cried myself to sleep because of you. The fact that Dumbledore is dead because of you. The sounds of my screams while you watched your Aunt Bellatrix torture me…" Her words replayed in his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut. It did keep him up at night. All of it. The guilt. The anger. The feeling of hopelessness. It all fucked him up.
"You're a horrible, cold human being and I don't know how I saw anything good in you. I pity you, Draco Malfoy. I really do. And I will never see you in any sort of positive way ever again."
Her words echoed in his mind and he snarled, rearing back his fist and tossing the necklace as far off into the living area as he could. He watched as the priceless beauty hit the far wall and slid down to lay abandoned on the stone floor.
He turned to pace in his spot before he noticed the mirror hanging from the wall next to him. He glared at himself through his reflection. He was disgusted with himself.
"Fuck!" he cried out, not caring if Hermione could hear him. He clenched his fist, before rearing that back too and smashing it into the mirror, ignoring the ache in his fists as he watched the glass shatter and fall to the floor.
He felt blood leak from his cut open knuckles and down into the sleeve of his shirt. He hated this feeling. Feeling like nothing was good in the world. Feeling like there was nothing here for him. Feeling like a hopeless, cowardly failure. He'd take another 3 months in Azkaban to forget the words Hermione had just spoken to him just a few minutes ago.
A/N: Phew! The confrontation we've all been waiting for! What do you guys think about cold, hurt Hermione?
