Chapter 3: Bad day
Panting, Uryu splashed cold water over his face and tried to let the cool liquid fight the hot sweat that was plaguing him. It was the first day of the new school semester, and in keeping with his recently picked up habit, he'd woken up from a nightmare, freaked out and sweaty. He quickly tended to himself, cleaning himself up, but looking in the mirror, he couldn't deny that he looked tired still.
Uryu changed into his freshly washed and ironed school uniform, complete with tie and all, before starting the modest breakfast he'd prepared for himself. As he ate in silence, he tried rehearsing some of the dialogues he'd thought up about how to talk to Ichigo today. He wanted their talk to go as smoothly as possible, without coming across desperate or needy as to not make the other boy feel guilty or obliged again.
He'd wanted to text him so many times during these last 3 weeks, but had always changed his mind at the last moment. Ichigo'd needed time by himself, so if he was 'bothering' him like that, he would only make things worse. Besides, he didn't want to give the impression he was a pitiable fool who couldn't manage 3 weeks on his own.
The Quincy smiled a little at the simple cake he'd made for Orihime, before packing it in a carton box and tying it with strong strings, so he could easily carry it to school. It was almost her birthday after all, and he'd wanted to surprise her by giving it a few days early.
He couldn't deny these last few weeks had been hard on him. Coping all by himself without a single person checking in on him hadn't exactly been easy. Had Ichigo asked Orihime and Sado to keep their distance, too, or did they just think he was better off recovering by himself, he didn't know. Although, he'd always lived a solitary existence before he even knew Ichigo, his mental state was different from before and his singular life hadn't been that simple this time around.
After grabbing his bento and bag, Uryu leisurely started walking towards school. It was a wonderful morning, with nice weather, but it didn't reflect the conflict in his mind. He wanted to see Ichigo and the others again, but he was anxious of how it would turn out.
Huffing a soft laugh as a gentle breeze made his fringe caress his face, the Quincy tried to let the soothing feeling calm him. It felt a bit surreal to go to school again, as he'd missed some weeks during and after their imprisonment in Szayelaporro's lab. His grades wouldn't be a problem, but it felt like a dream, picking up his life like this.
Uryu made it to class a little early, as was his habit. He sat down at his desk in the back and took out the book he was currently reading, sighing at how normal this all felt and how much he'd missed it.
As time went by, more and more students started entering the room, preparing for class. Most of them didn't even glance in his direction, him having the reputation of being the solitary, unapproachable genius and all.
Suddenly, someone drew his attention and he looked up from his book.
"Hey, Ichigo! So good to see you!" Asano Keigo shouted as the boy in question entered, flanked by Inoue Orihime. Without feeling ashamed Keigo jumped the Substitute, making Ichigo grunt in annoyance, while the girl couldn't help but chuckle before going over to greet some of her friends.
"You only saw me a week ago, Keigo." Ichigo said with exasperation, as he tried to pry his arms off of him.
Uryu felt a flutter in his chest. He wanted to stand up and greet the Substitute, too, but he didn't want to come on too strong right from the start. Better to ease into this. If he pushed Ichigo too hard, it might trigger an undesired reaction.
For a brief moment, their gazes met. Uryu gave him a small smile, while Ichigo just looked at him for a second before giving him a courtesy nod. Okay, there was nothing wrong with that, the Quincy thought. Before all of this, they hadn't exactly greeted each other warmly either. And before that even, they'd been in the same class without Ichigo even knowing about his existence.
"Yeah, but still I've missed you!" Keigo's blaring quickly cut Uryu's thoughts. "That weekend at the ocean is still fresh in my mind. It must've been one of the greatest moments of my life."
"I second that. It was a wonderful time, but…" Mizuiro Kojima trailed off as he tried to pry Keigo from a grunting and annoyed Substitute, and succeeded. "Come on, Keigo, act normal for once."
Uryu didn't want to eavesdrop, but couldn't help it. He was trying to keep himself in check, as he was happy to see Ichigo, too. Picking up his book and feigning reading as to not get caught. With all those students flocking around Ichigo, he wouldn't be able to talk to him anyway.
"I know it was a great time, Keigo, but-"
"Ichigo." Came the low voice of Sado Yasutora, and was countered by an enthusiastic exclamation of 'Chad!' Smiling, the large teen continued: "It's so good to have you back. It's been a while since you came to school."
"Yeah, thanks." Ichigo rubbed the back of his head, a little embarrassed. "It's good to be back."
Yes, how many weeks had it been again since they both attended school? They had been imprisoned in that dreadful lab for 3 weeks, but it felt like a much longer time for Uryu. They had both needed time to heal after their rescue, and then summer break came and went. It had been over 2 months since he last attended school, probably longer. Of course, nobody would act cheerful like that towards him. It had always been like that. Feeling his thoughts head into the wrong direction, he pushed them away.
"Hey Ichigo, have you recovered from our trip to the sea, yet?" Uryu identified that voice as Ichigo's childhood friend, Tatsuki, who went up to him with a broad smile. She gave him a pat on the back before continuing. "So you are finally coming back to classes, eh."
"Yeah, I'm back." The Substitute's cheeks redden a little. "But don't mention that weekend again, or Keigo'll go crazy."
"Come on, Ichigo! Admit it was the most fun we had in years!" The latter countered, and Ichigo laughed.
"It sure was, Keigo. Except for that part when you got really drunk and-"
Keigo quickly smothered the Substitute, blushing furiously. "Yeah, I'd hoped you wouldn't bring that up." He trailed off whispering, probably mentioning other things they couldn't talk about in public. Sado and Tatsumi laughed at that.
What was this seaside trip they were all talking about?
"Good morning, Ishida-kun." A cheerful voice suddenly chirped from behind him, squeezing his shoulder. Although he knew for certain who that voice belonged to, Uryu jumped a little as he was taken by surprise. He was a lot more jumpier than he used to be, too. The girl chuckled and the sound he had made had drawn both Ichigo's and Sado's eyes towards them. Sado gave him a nod, finally acknowledging he was even there, while Ichigo looked away again. "Oh sorry, did I startle you?"
Laying his book down, Uryu said: "Good morning Inoue-san." Leaving out the part that she'd indeed managed to surprise him.
"So good to finally have you back in class." She smiled a broad smile.
"Thank you, Inoue-san. It's good to be back." Although he hadn't seen her for a while, he knew she meant it. Orihime had always been one of the few classmates that treated him like an actual person instead of a high grades machine.
"You haven't missed all that much in class, though." She continued. "I'm sure you'll get back up to speed in no time."
"Thanks Inoue-san. I'm sure I will." Uryu pushed his glasses back up in his usual manner.
"Did you have a nice summer break?" She asked with a broad smiling face.
Looking down, he nodded, but she didn't catch his blatant lie.
No, summer break hadn't been nice. He'd been broken in mind and body in ways she couldn't even imagine and it had been so hard to pull some of his pieces back together…
But of course, he couldn't tell her that. Orihime was an angel, but she was too innocent sometimes. However, the girl didn't know anything about what had really happened in that prison, and he wanted to keep it that way.
Thankfully, Ichigo had helped him with his trauma those first few weeks or he might not even be here today. Sighing his mind started wandering towards the Substitute again. Hopefully, the boy had thought everything that happened between them over. The conversation he wanted to have with him was probably not going to happen before lunch break, or until after school even. He could only hope for a positive turn of events.
Absentmindedly, his gaze fell on Ichigo who looked happy and healthy, and was chit-chatting with Sado and his other friends. Seeing him so lively made his heart flutter again.
"It was so great!" Orihime suddenly exclaimed.
Uryu snapped out of his thoughts. He had heard her ramble from the back of his mind, but hadn't grasped the content of her story. "What was so great?" He asked a little shyly.
"Well, our seaside trip, of course!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Inoue-san. I was just thinking about something important and I didn't quite get all that."
She laughed at that. "That's a new one!" Uryu blushed a little, but she cheerfully continued. "Oh, don't worry about it Ishida-kun. I know you had a lot on your mind lately and all. Well, it was not all that important, but the gist of it was that Kurosaki-kun invited all of his friends to a weekend at the ocean. Turns out that an old friend of his dad owns a hotel there and let us stay almost for free. We all had a wonderful time there!"
"A-all of his friends?" Uryu looked over at Ichigo again, who was still laughing heartily with whatever the others were telling him.
Orihime didn't catch his sad expression, nor the feelings that information had stirred inside him and merrily answered: "Oh yes! I was there, and Tatsuki-chan. And Sado-kun and Asano-kun and Mizuiro-kun. Oh! And the 2nd day, even Kuchiki-san and Abarai-kun showed up! We all went swimming and had a wonderful picknick on the beach and stuff!"
"I… I see." Uryu said, trying not to let it get to him that he was the only one that had been left out. "That sure sounds wonderful."
Then she suddenly put her finger to her chin and seemed in deep thought. Absentmindedly, she said: "Wait… I have the feeling I'm missing something here… Hmmm… Oh!" She made a face as though she had suddenly lit up a lightbulb inside her head. "Why didn't you come with us during that trip, Ishida-kun?"
"Umm…" His mind was working fast to make up a believable lie, as he didn't want to admit to her that the person she had a crush on had obviously voluntarily not invited him. Running a hand through his hair, he reminded himself that Ichigo had asked to let him be for the end of the summer. That had to be the reason. "I was already committed to giving sewing lessons at the library that weekend. Kurosaki knew of this, so…"
"Ah, I see…" Orihime snickered. "You couldn't leave all those pretty girls struggling with their projects by themselves, huh?"
That brought a little color to Uryu's pale features as he didn't miss her implication. "N-no, you got it all wrong." He sputtered and waved with his hands, but he only succeeded in making her laugh harder. If only she knew they were actually both in love with the same person…
Orihime then gave him a sweet smile. "I'm just teasing you, Ishida-kun.
Before Uryu could answered anything to that, his gaze fell on the clock in front of him and noticed it was about time for class to start. "Class is about to start, Inoue-san, so I'll make this quick." Pulling out the carton box from his bag and placing it in front of her, he continued: "I've brought you something!"
"Oh really? What is it?" Her eyes got a bright glow as the Quincy produced his self-made and neatly wrapped cake. The girl immediately pulled the strings to open her present. "Oh! It looks so tasty! Is all of this for me? How did you know apple is my favorite?"
Uryu couldn't help but smile at her cheerfulness, as she immediately tore a small piece out of the cake to taste it. "I know I'm a few days early, but I just wanted to surprise you, Inoue-san. Happy birthday."
"Oh! Thank you so much, Ishida-kun!" She gave him a broad smile. "It tastes great! I can share it with my friends during lunch time." Then she put her finger to her cheek and looked like she was talking to herself as she admitted: "Or I can just eat the whole thing myself!"
Uryu snickered. He could vividly imagine her doing just that.
The bell sounded and all students quickly resumed their places. Orihime retied the strings of her freshly made cake and whispered. "I have some other great news, too, Ishida-kun. But you'll have to wait until class is finished today, as it will be a big surprise."
"Okay." Uryu quickly answered before she happily trotted off. What great news was so important it had to wait until the end of the day, he wondered.
The teacher came in and he swiftly swapped his novel for the needed textbook.
It was almost time for lunch and Uryu was getting a little anxious. During the last few classes, he'd caught Ichigo looking at him a few times. He'd given him a little smile or a nod in return, but the Substitute hadn't really given him a reaction, he'd just looked away after getting caught.
As the chime announcing their break finally sounded, Uryu glanced over towards Ichigo again. The boy in question was staring at him, too, and stood up before walking into his direction.
Okay, so their talk was going to happen now.
"Hey, Ishida." Ichigo didn't smile or give any other reaction. Uryu was a bit astonished as to why he'd used his family name to address him, since he'd been calling him by his first name for weeks now. He pushed that thought away, thinking it must be because they were in class.
"H-hey, Kurosaki." He played along. "You seem lively this morning. How have you been?"
"I need to talk to you." The tone he spoke with was rather cold, and a bit of anxiousness was already starting to blossom in Uryu's chest. "Come with me to the roof."
Standing up, the Quincy answered: "Alright, but maybe the roof's not such a good place for us to talk right now. Other students are bound to go there to have lunch."
Ichigo looked around, but most of the students were already leaving. He gave a quick wave to Orihime who was leaving with her friends. "You're right." He answered. "We need a place where we can talk in private."
Uryu's heart fluttered a bit at that and he gave Ichigo a soft smile again. He wanted to talk to him in private. Did that mean that during the time they didn't see each other, he had sorted out his feelings?
Pushing up his glasses, the Quincy said: "I know an empty classroom that is only used for storage right now."
"Let's go." Ichigo was quick to counter, while sliding his hands into his pockets.
"Follow me."
Sado gave a hum to the both of them as they passed him on the way outside the classroom. Rounding a few corners, then going down a flight of stairs, they passed the infirmary. Uryu went straight towards the room he mentioned and guided the Substitute inside, before closing the door.
"Here we can talk without getting disturbed. Few people know of this room."
He wanted to tell Ichigo so many things. He'd missed him, missed talking to him, missed his soothing presence. But he knew he had to stay calm. Better to hear what Ichigo had to say first.
The Substitute looked around at the various items that were stored inside the room. There was a collection of old textbooks, furniture and decoration. "How do you know off this place?" Still holding his hands inside his pockets, he turned around towards Uryu.
The Quincy huffed a soft laugh and readjusted his glasses. "I'm allowed to store part of the needlework club utensils in here, and-"
"Right. Let's get to the point." The Substitute cut him off. Ichigo's eyes locked with his and he fell silent. His anxiety was rising again, not knowing if he could hope for a positive outcome or not, but wishing for it with his whole being. Sighing, Ichigo then continued: "I don't want you to join in on our fights anymore."
An eerie silence fell over the storage room and for a long loaded moment, neither of the boys reacted.
"W-what?" Startled, Uryu blinked a few times. "That's… why you wanted to talk to me?"
Ichigo retrieved his hands from his pockets and put them on his hips. "Yes, Ishida, that was it."
There it was again. He was using his family name instead of his given name, and this time, they were alone. That foreboded nothing good.
"But, I…" Flabbergasted, Uryu just stood there for a while, staring at the Substitute, unable to react.
"You don't have any powers anymore, Ishida. I don't want you to get hurt again. I want to keep you safe." He walked up to the Quincy and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Do you understand?"
Looking up at the other boy, he tried not to sound hurt as he answered: "Yes, Ichigo, I understand, but… what am I supposed to do then?" This was not at all what he had thought this conversation would be about. With everything he had already going on at the moment, he hadn't exactly given it much thought about how he'd assist his cherished Substitute and his friends during their Hollow hunting.
"Nothing." Ichigo answered flatly. "I want to you to stay out of our fights and do nothing. You're always nagging about how little time you have to study. Well, here's your chance."
"But…" All those dialogues he'd rehearsed so this talk would go as smoothly as possible, hadn't taken this into account. "Ichigo… I… I am trying hard to pick up my life again and-"
"Okay, I will spell it out for you. You don't have any powers. You cannot help us anymore."
Feeling anxiety tighten his chest, Uryu clenched his fists as he started to ramble: "I-I can't use my bow anymore, that's true, but I can still be useful to you. I can think up strategies or-"
"Ishida!" The Substitute yelled and gripped his shoulders hard. "I said no! Surely you must've figured this out already."
Uryu's voice wavered as he felt desperation grip around his throat: "My whole life is in shambles... What do I have left?"
Ichigo watched him coldly. "You'll only get in our way if you try to fight without your powers. The others are already aware of this. Why do you have to be so stubborn? I just want to keep you safe, goddamit."
Uryu's shoulders slouched. His composure started to crumble, and this time he was at school, hours before he got to go home. This was not going to end well…. He understood that Ichigo wanted to protect him after everything that had already happened, and the Substitute had been traumatized by him almost dying, but it was not like he was completely useless. Was he?
Feeling the anxiety reel through his blood he whispered: "W-why are you calling me 'Ishida'? We're alone here, so there's no reason for you to-"
"Because I want you to keep your distance." Ichigo interrupted with an icy voice.
Those words cut deep and Uryu took it like a blow. This was the outcome he had feared for weeks and he felt his heart drop. Emotions started surging through him and he didn't know what to do anymore. After they came back from that awful prison, he felt like his mind and body had been broken in a way that made him lose control over them.
For a few weeks, Ichigo had made him believe they could be together. He'd been happy. Even after everything that had happened, Ichigo had made him happy. He'd believed the other boy felt something for him, too. Only to have his hopes and heart brutally crushed again.
"B-but I gave you time… I…" All those dialogues he'd practiced so he wouldn't come across desperate, all for nothing. His heart started pounding and he couldn't hide the distress in his voice any longer. "I-I tried so hard, Ichigo… It was difficult on my own." With every ounce of strength in his body, the Quincy tried to keep it together. He knew that if he fell apart right now, Ichigo would walk away again. His eyes were half lidded as he looked into Ichigo's cold, brown ones and pleaded: "Please… I… I can't do this without you."
Then suddenly, Ichigo pushed him up against the wall and the Quincy made a startled sound. "I told you I needed to think about it, didn't I? I told you we can't heal each other, we're bad for each other, didn't I? Well, I'll make it crystal clear for you: It ends here. I want you to back off." Ichigo was clearly upset, but why was he so angry? "I told you before, I considered it my duty to help you, but I got in over my head and I'm done."
The emotional outburst silenced the Quincy completely. His hands started trembling and he swallowed hard, afraid he was going to lose it right here and now. His self-esteem got another crack. A year ago, they'd always been bickering, always snarking at each other and he'd been used to it. At that time, Uryu had been very good at hiding his feelings, suppressing them even, but now… After living through all those horrors, he felt like an emotional wreck and he couldn't hide the hurt on his face.
"Don't do this…" The Quincy whispered. Hands trembling, he touched Ichigo's cheek, like he'd done many times before. "I-I need you…"
Ichigo slapped his hand away and Uryu felt his knees grow weak. He had promised himself he wouldn't act forlorn, but that was exactly what he was doing right now. He was fully aware of that, but he couldn't stop it.
"Don't fucking lose it at school!" Ichigo snarled.
Uryu made a destressed sound. "I'm… trying… You're not… helping." As he couldn't help but let out a whimper, Ichigo sniped him down.
"Dammit, Ishida, pull yourself together, you dork."
That stung, again. It wasn't like he was in control of these attacks. He was doing his very best to stop this one, but the way Ichigo was acting had him completely distraught. He felt trapped in that cell again, remembering those moments the Substitute would go all violent on him.
"Ichigo, please… I have no one to turn to… It's so hard to pick up the pieces." His voice broke as he clutched Ichigo's shirt. He felt tears burn in his eyes, but with the little Quincy pride he had left, he managed to hold them back.
"Just breathe, Ishida, and try to calm down." The Substitute's voice had softened down and he'd released his shoulders. Instead he now offered support so he wouldn't tumble over by steadying him around his waist. Biting his lip, Uryu realized he'd probably just taken pity on him again. Nevertheless, he took the other boy's advice and tried to regulate his breathing. Having a panic attack right now would only make this harder on him. "That's better." Ichigo said and let him stand on his own again.
"T-thanks." The archer mumbled and tried to keep steady on his legs.
Sighing, Ichigo ran a hand through his hair and said: "Look. I get that this is not easy on you, but I really need to get my life back in order and it won't work this way. You can't help us out anymore, and I can't help you heal. If you're around me, you won't be safe from Hollows and other threats. Don't you understand?"
The Quincy said nothing. Yes, he understood that the Substitute didn't want him to get hurt anymore, seeing the trauma that had given the other boy, but just telling him to back off like that…. He slouched against the wall and just looked at Ichigo, trying to get his emotions back under control.
The latter sighed again. "You obviously need support to get your own life back on track, so why don't you try talking to somebody you trust?"
"I can't."
The Substitute snorted. "You haven't even tried."
"There is no one I can trust with something like this. I've told you so."
"You're just going to have to! Just forget about me! I don't feel that way about you!"
That made Uryu look up. "F-forget about you? You think it's that easy? You think I can control the stupid desires of my heart?"
"I don't care!" The Substitute snarled. "I'm not gay! And forcing me to fuck you isn't going to change that!"
Uryu felt like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest.
Before he even realized what he was doing, he reacted as quickly as he would've done with his Quincy speed. His fist collided with Ichigo's cheek, whom was completely taken by surprise. Taking a step back and cradling his painful cheek on a grunt, the Substitute just gaped at him.
Uryu felt devastated, and knew that had to be clearly visible on his face as he saw Ichigo's guilty look. He did not know with what mind power he formulated his next words, as inside he was dying.
"I didn't force you to do anything." Once again, tears stung his eyes, but he did everything in his power to swallow them down. With blazing eyes and strained voice, he rasped: "H-how could I've known what that bastard Espada would do? I never wanted any of that to happen…" Ichigo had shut his brash mouth and was just looking at him. "I wish I could turn back time as much as you do, but…"
Uryu bit his trembling lip and averted his gaze. Swallowing hard against the emotions that roared through his body, he closed his eyes. He bit back the tears, bit back the sobs that were on the verge of rolling from his lips, and with steeled willpower he tried to pull himself together.
Ichigo had just hurt him so much. His blood pressure was dropping and he needed to sit down, but he felt cornered right now. His feelings were genuine. It wasn't a stupid fling. He couldn't just make them disappear. He'd tried all of that a long time ago already. Nor had he wanted any of the atrocities Szayelaporro had put them through to happen.
"You've taken so much from me… Our imprisonment there just… ruined me."
The Quincy heard Ichigo take a long inhale and exhale. Realizing too late what he'd said after he'd blurted that out. Gasping, he locked eyes with the Substitute.
Ichigo glared daggers at him.
"I've taken…" The Substitute growled angry. "You… How dare you!"
Uryu wanted to apologize, even though the other boy had just verbally mangled him first, but it was too late. Ichigo was furious.
"I-I didn't mean it like that!" He tried, but the Substitute gripped his shoulders tight and hollered:
"Ok, Ishida. If you don't want to listen to me, we'll do this the hard way. I'll make you stay away from me." Growling, he turned around and started exiting the room.
"Ichigo… please…"
The heartbroken Quincy swayed and clutched his forehead. He needed to sit down, now. Feeling vulnerable and defeated, he just slid down the wall in the storage room.
He couldn't return to class right away, as everybody would see the misery on his face. It would take him a moment to calm down. Lunch break was only midway, and that would hopefully give him the respite he needed right now. Sighing, he let his head rest in his hands.
After he felt composed enough to face his classmates, he went back to class to sit behind his desk. His bento remained untouched in his bag, as he'd lost his appetite. As the sound of the chime went off once more, the other students quickly took their places again. Orihime walked in very cheerfully, while Ichigo took one look at him and sniped him down again.
Sighing, Uryu tried to keep his mind on the classes for the rest of the afternoon, but it was difficult.
Classes were over for the day, and Uryu started sorting his textbooks. They didn't have homework that day, so he didn't have to drag them all back with them. He just wanted to go home and lay down for a while.
Suddenly a cheerful voice said: "And now the event you've all been waiting for."
Looking up, the Quincy saw Orihime stand in front of the class. Most of his classmates stopped with what they were doing and looked at her in wonder.
"I've told some of you that I have big news, and so…. " She happily clasped her hands together and made a big smile. "Kurosaki-kun, could you join me."
Ichigo snickered and did as she asked. Without hesitation, he put an arm around her waist and made the girl blush. Various sounds echoed through the classroom and Uryu felt his heart pick up its pace. He didn't like where this was going at all.
Entwining their hands, Orihime blushed furiously as she continued: "As of last week, Kurosaki-kun and I are now officially dating."
The Quincy felt like a lightning bolt had just struck him down.
That, or Szayelaporro's collar.
He felt anxiety spread from his chest again. His lower lip trembled as his eyes widened in stupor. He had to remain calm. He had to! Looking up, he saw Ichigo grinning directly at him, before he pulled Orihime into his arms and made a theatrical show of it to kiss her in front of everyone, under applause and cheering of some of the others.
Uryu took is as a Zanpakuto through his gut again and felt his already broken heart fracture a little more.
Quickly, he started wrapping up his things again, so he could leave, but as he stood up, a warmly smiling Orihime came up to him.
"Told you it was gonna be big a surprise." She said.
It took a lot of effort for his still shocked mind to get any words out, but he tried to fake a smile as he stuttered: "I-indeed, Inoue-san. T-that was… great news. C-congratulations."
Blushing, she chuckled. "Thank you, Ishida-kun. You knew about my feelings for Kurosaki-kun for a long time, didn't you. Well, during that wonderful weekend at the ocean I told you about, he finally asked me out, and then we kissed. It was like a fairy tale." She chuckled again.
"Yes, I can… imagine. You've finally won him over. You must be thrilled." Uryu answered bleakly. As he averted his gaze from her, and she started rambling again, he looked over at Ichigo. He'd been occupied with disentangling a crying Keigo from his lower body, while lively chit-chatting with Sado and some of his other friends. Suddenly, their gazes met and the Substitute smirked at him again. Uryu looked away, and interrupted the swooning girl in front of his desk. "I-I'm sorry, Inoue-san, but… I really must go now."
"Oh? Are you alright, Ishida-kun?" She touched his shoulder, looking a little worried. "You look so pale all of a sudden."
"Y-yeah, I just need to get some fresh air. It'll be okay."
"But, we wanted to go for a drink with all of our friends. To celebrate, you know?"
Still trying to hold his anxiety under control, Uryu answered: "I'm sorry, Inoue-san. I'm not feeling up to that right now. Another time maybe."
As the Quincy reached for his bag under a disappointed huff of the broad chested girl and turned his back towards his classmates, he suddenly heard a very familiar voice say:
"Oh, but that's not all for the surprises of the day, folks. I have another big revelation to announce."
Uryu didn't feel up to more of Ichigo's news right now and slowly started to walk towards the door, with his bag hoisted up his shoulder.
"Actually, I'm a little embarrassed to tell all of you this, but… someone else had already given me a declaration of love before Inoue did."
Uryu could hear shocked gasps among other sounds. He could clearly distinguish Orihime's startled voice. He was almost at the door, then he'd walk outside and…
"Now, I would never trample on someone's trust by just spilling delicate information like that to the whole class, but… I was so shocked by his confession that I just can't keep quiet."
Uryu stopped dead in his tracks. He wouldn't… Ichigo wouldn't do that to him. With anxiety gripping around his throat and an already weakened mental state, he slowly turned around. As he locked eyes with the Substitute, the latter continued:
"Isn't it about time you told everyone you're gay, Ishida?"
As Ichigo gave him a devilish smirk, Uryu felt like the floor had just dropped from under his feet. His eyes widened in shock and he had to grip the doorframe for support.
He'd just been outed in front of the whole class!
"Yes, people. The smartass of this class, the great Ishida Uryu, has confessed his love to me weeks ago. Since he doesn't want to keep his distance with me and is rather pushy about it, too, I thought this was the perfect way to put a stop to all of that."
All eyes were on him right now. From Orihime's surprised ones, to Sado's shocked ones, to Ichigo's icy grin. Several students burst into laughter and pointed at him, like Keigo. Some of the girls giggled and promptly started gossiping. Others just kept a blank face, like Mizuiro.
A year ago, he would've dealt with the situation at hand. It was not like nobody was allowed to know of his preference, but… after all that had happened now, with his fragile self-esteem and confidence, this was miles away from the right moment. He hadn't been ready to tell something like this himself and now it felt like his soul has been laid bare. Besides, Ichigo had clearly done this to ridicule him in front of everyone.
What was he going to say? Seconds ticked away while anxiety silenced him and his knees grew weaker and weaker. Uryu wanted to get angry and throw insults at the stupid prick that had somehow captivated him, but… worse than the fact that Ichigo had just spilled his secret in front of everybody, was the notion that the Substitute had done it just to hurt him. He felt the urge to shout at Ichigo drain away as he felt another crack form in his heart.
"K-Kurosaki, you… you idiot!" He tried to act normal, and shot Ichigo down with a lethal glare. He knew it was a lame counter, but everything was going to his head right now and it was the best he could do. His eyes searched for any kind of empathy, for a sign that Ichigo cared, but he only met his cold, hard gaze.
"They would have found out sooner or later." The substitute shrugged. "Personally, I don't see what gets you upset over this."
He'd trusted Ichigo, and yet…
Uryu clenched his jaw and balled his fists. With every scrap of Quincy pride left in his body, he quickly put up a façade so nobody would see the hurt on his face. He managed to sound icily calm as usual while sneering:
"Thanks for ruining yet another aspect of my life, Kurosaki."
He swiftly turned around, afraid his knees would desert him. He heard Ichigo shout an insult after him, and knew his last comment hadn't missed its mark. He tried to block all the voices out. Especially the laughter and other sounds coming from his peers.
On automatic pilot, his legs carried him home as fast as he could. He slid down the wall as soon as he was inside. Turmoil was roaring inside his head, from all the emotions of the day. First, Ichigo had told him to stay away from him. Then, he'd kissed Orihime right in front of him, fully aware of how that'd make him feel. And to top that, the Substitute'd told everyone he was in love with him.
Great day.
He wished he'd kept his mouth shut about how he felt… He knew it had been stupid of him to hope that Ichigo could return his feelings one day. But after those few stolen moments spent in his appartement, where Ichigo had always been gentle to him, he'd believed that… the other boy was starting to love him back.
For weeks, he'd hoped Ichigo could sort out his feelings. It had been so cruel of him to make him believe he cared about him when he did all of that out of guilt and obligation. Now, he was dating Orihime… She was a nice, curvy girl. How could he compete with that? Besides, Orihime was one of the few persons that treated him like a human being. He didn't want to stand in her way. But… he couldn't just kill off this longing for Ichigo in his aching, broken heart.
What was he going to do? His mess of a life had just become even more complicated…
Feeling drained, Uryu managed to drag himself towards his couch and just lay there for a long time. He didn't even make dinner for himself, he felt pithless. Ichigo would become distant of him again, acting just like he did before they were captured together. And Uryu would be forced to forget the softness of his kiss and the tenderness behind his embraces. Having to face the aftermath of those horrid events in that godforsaken place… alone.
Sighing, he decided he'd just see what would cross his path after all of this. He was just going to have to face it, and hope he was strong enough to cope with all of it on his own.
