Chapter 8: A friend in need

Uryu was fast asleep, when a sudden movement on top of him woke him up. Still sleepy, he yawned and started rubbing his eyes. Slowly his eyes adjusted to the dim light and as he looked up into that insane grin Ichigo was giving him right now, he immediately knew what was going on.

Szayelaporro had used Black Velvet! Ichigo was under his mind control again!

Uryu shrieked and his eyes shot open, shocked completely awake. But before his tired body could be willed into action, Ichigo had already grabbed both of his wrists and pinned him to the floor, making him gasp in horror. Uryu was in a lot of pain and wasn't up to a fight, but he had to try and get Ichigo's straddling form off of him before it was too late. The Substitute merely laughed mockingly at his efforts.

The Quincy struggled with all his might, struggled so hard, his barely cauterized wounds, that were sealed only a day or 2 prior, were put under a lot of pressure, but he had to take that risk. Making feral sounds, Uryu desperately tried kicking the Substitute off of him, his hands still pinned.

Ichigo threw him a dark smirk before his fist crashed into his cheek. Startled, Uryu tried regrouping his chaotic thoughts, but didn't give in. He managed to get one of his legs between him and Ichigo's chest and pushed and kicked with everything he had, while trying to wriggle his hands out of the Substitute's grasp. That made Ichigo laugh tauntingly, before his fist collided with his other cheek. More punches rained down on him, striking his sensitive, severely wounded abdomen, and his face, and he had no means to defend himself.

Exhausted, Uryu felt his body desert him, leaving fear and anxiety in its wake. Famished and wounded, he just lacked the strength to take on an opponent as strong as Ichigo. Panting hard, he just lay there, gazing up into the Substitute's glazed, dark eyes.

As Ichigo suddenly started to shrug his pants down, the Quincy didn't have to think twice about the orders the other boy had been given. As dread pooled in his gut, Uryu tried to fight Ichigo off of him once more. Desperation clenching his chest, for he knew all too well what was to follow…

It wasn't working… The Quincy ran out of breath and was overpowered again, crying out in frustration at his weak body. Ichigo grinned darkly before he suddenly started palming himself through his hakama to get hard fast. Uryu felt heat bring color to his too pale cheeks at that, still struggling to get free.

"Taunt him." Szayelaporro commanding voice echoed through the cell.

Ichigo complied on the spot and looked at the Quincy with absent eyes, still touching himself.

"You like this, don'tcha. You want to get fucked by me, I've heard you say it before. Want to feel me inside of you, you gay freak." He slapped Uryu hard across the face again.

Uryu made gurgling noises and tried to reason with the Substitute with the few sounds he could make, but Ichigo just proceeded to tear his boxers down. Fear shot through his every nerve! The Quincy trashed and struggled desperately, but had so little energy he could hardly make a difference. He cried out when Ichigo suddenly shoved his index finger inside of him.

The stress and terror made his body go rigid and with soft, distressed noises, he looked up at the Substitute with begging eyes, even though he already knew his plea wouldn't reach Ichigo.

Why did it have to be like this? He knew Szayelaporro had somehow figured out he was in love with Ichigo, and the Espada used that as a leverage between them. He didn't know how, but that bastard knew, while even Ichigo wasn't aware of his feelings. It had probably happened during that interrogation where his memories faltered.

"Impale him!" Shouted the Espada. "Take him quick and rough, as punishment!"

"Yes, master."

Without hesitation, Ichigo lined himself up, holding Uryu's wrists down with one hand, immobilizing his hips with the other. Uryu couldn't do anything. Paralyzed by fear and body trembling, he looked up into those vacant eyes of the person he loved and braced himself for what was to follow.

Uryu awoke with a shout. His heart was pounding in his chest and his breathing was labored. He pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around his shivering body, hugging tightly, as that was the only comfort he could give himself every time he woke up stressed-out after having a nightmare.

As he'd lost consciousness with his glasses on, he was staring at the entrance of the gazebo where he'd sought shelter, still feeling dazed. After he gave his body and mind some time to recover from the burst of panic, the memories of why he was sleeping in a place like that resurfaced again.

Uryu's arms tightened around his chest on a quivering breath, trying to soothe himself as best as he could, but… he couldn't prevent hot tears from spilling from his eyes. He was alone here, he didn't have to uphold any guards or be watchful for somebody else, so he allowed himself to cry over what had happened, as his broken heart couldn't contain all of his hurt anymore.

He felt sick to his core.

Defeated.

Weak.

What had he done? He'd slept with another man… He hadn't wanted to. He'd been played in the most dirtiest way.

Kazuma had tricked him into believing he was Ichigo, had played with his heart and soul. He had drugged him and had forced himself upon him, violating him. First while impersonating Ichigo, before Uryu'd seen through his charade, followed by a second time without the illusion.

He felt so filthy… stained. The scent of Kazuma still lingered on his skin and made him want to vomit again.

How did he get himself entangled in this mess again? Why had his landlord recommended that capsule hotel?

Wrecked by the grief over what had been taken from him, again, broken sobs started rolling from his lips. Uryu drew his knees in as close as he could and tried to console himself by hugging his body tightly.

He wasn't a sex toy… Why had this happened to him? He hadn't had any normal encounters with sex so far in his life. There must be something wrong with him…

Uryu felt like he betrayed Ichigo… Even though he knew all too well the Substitute didn't want him. He'd been so stupid and naïve to believe the cheap dream Kazuma had woven around him, with the help of his drugged booze, had been real. Or even better, the Quincy had so much wanted to believe he was holding Ichigo in his arms. Before everything came crashing down as he was coerced into opening his legs to prove his love.

It hurt so much… It was crushing him.

His salty tears started tasting coppery and he knew his lip had started bleeding again. Adding another layer of grief to his already damaged spirit as snippets of his previous assaults included into the mix.

He should've kicked the crap out of Kazuma. He should've fought harder. He should've struggled more. He should've told him to back off the moment he started coming on to him. He should've tried so much harder… Should've kept his guards up… Should've done so many things differently…

He felt so guilty. He'd been so stupid to trust that man, to open up to him. But… he'd been hurting so much, he'd been happy to just find a listening ear. How that vile man had tricked him… Taking advantage of him like that.

His fucked up life had been hard enough on him as it was. Completely on his own and homeless in the aftermath of his previous assaults from which he hadn't even recovered yet, he felt so lonely.

Tears were relentlessly rolling down his cheeks, while his sobs broke the silence in the little park. Uryu felt so lost right now. So lost. What had he done to be dealt so much misfortune?

He felt utterly spent and just lay there for a long time. Trying to appease his mutilated psyche and his damaged body. He had difficulties just to think, feeling completely worthless and filthy like he did.

What was he going to do?

If he went to the police, they'd have a doctor see to him to search for evidence and injuries. That would send him straight to Karakura hospital, where his father was in charge. Even if Ryuuken wouldn't be there, word would reach him soon enough and he really didn't need that bastard's judgement and degrading behavior on top of everything else. As bad as it made him feel, he couldn't risk pressing charges against Kazuma. At least not for now…

Maybe that bastard had counted on that even, with the information he had about him. Just like he had only heard him out about Ichigo to use that against him. Uryu's arms tightened around him a little more.

He needed help!

Would he dare to turn to Ichigo?

The Substitute and he had gone through so much together, shared so many things, during and after their imprisonment. Surely, when Ichigo saw how shaken he was right now he wouldn't be so cold as to turn him down. Ichigo wouldn't do that. He was angry at him right now, and he was having a rough time dealing with all that had happened to them, but… Ichigo would still be willing to help a friend in need. Uryu was sure of it.

Trying to get himself together again, the Quincy wiped away his tears. Even though he felt vulnerable and broken, he couldn't afford to keep laying down in this gazebo any longer. He needed to find a place to stay before it got dark.

His captivity in Szayelaporro's lab had left him jumpy and scared, especially during the night. He didn't want to know how bad it would be to sleep out on the streets tonight. The thought alone made his blood run cold and his chest clench from anxiety.

Suddenly the thought that Kazuma's hotel wasn't all that far away and the creep might come looking for him manifested itself, and the Quincy jolted up into a sitting position. He groaned at the pain that shot through his hips and backside, and tried to push the ironic thought that he had almost become familiar to this sort of pain down. Wincing, he wavered a bit, and quickly reached for a water bottle inside his pack to help settle his blood pressure.

Okay, Kazuma was unpredictable to say the least, and he might or might not come looking for him, but better not take any chances. He couldn't stay here anyway. He was still a Quincy, and he had to be brave. It would be difficult today, as he felt miserable as hell, but he needed to try and get back on his feet for now.

After drinking some much needed liquid, Uryu took out his handkerchief from his jacket and poured a little water on it before dabbing his face to try and erase most of the traces of blood. That bastard must've done a real number on him. What was he going to say if somebody asked him questions about that?

The Quincy took a quivering breath again. His body reeked of Kazuma. His smell lingered everywhere on his skin and it made him sick to his core all over again. And even worse, certain areas of his body were still covered with dried semen and some mixed in blood. That thought alone made a sharp shiver run through him as he clutched his pajama pants hard between his fingers.

He felt filthy. So filthy and foul. Stained all over. He wanted to wash himself! Badly! He needed to get clean!

He couldn't stand this disgusting feeling that he was covered with that man's stench and fluids. The mere notion filled his mouth with bile. Coughing, he instantly tried to swallow it back down before he'd retched all the water back out. He had to calm down and get out of here.

Afraid there were visible stains on his pajama pants, Uryu took out a pair of spare pants from his small pack and put them on over the others, grunting and wincing at the pain he spread by doing so. He didn't dare to face Ichigo with visible blood or other residue on his backside. With his long-sleeved pajama top, it now looked like he was dressed casually. Ichigo probably wouldn't even notice he was actually wearing pajamas.

What was he going to tell the Substitute anyway? Depending on Ichigo's reaction, he wasn't even sure if he could tell him what had happened. He didn't know if he'd have the courage to tell him… What would Ichigo think of him? Would he judge him? Would he think he was trash, too?

But he couldn't even imagine talking about this sort of thing with anybody other than the Substitute…

Sighing, he tried to find his balance before he slowly started to walk in the direction of Ichigo's house, hoping what he wanted to say to him would come naturally when they actually met face-to-face.


Heart pounding, already sped up from anxiety and whatnot, Uryu rang the Kurosaki residence doorbell. He was very nervous about what he'd say to Ichigo. He didn't want to bring up the latest addition to his sexual assault list right away, but he was afraid the Substitute was going to send him away if he was kept in the dark. He didn't know what to do, he didn't want to use such a nasty story as a leverage, but the fact was that he needed help and he didn't know who else to turn to.

The door opened and Kurosaki Isshin, Ichigo's father, stood in the doorframe. Uryu tried to act as normal as possible by giving him a fake smile, cursing inwardly that Ichigo hadn't answered the door himself.

"Oh, it's you Ishida-kun," Isshin said in his usual cheerful tone. "It's been a while. How's your father doing?"

"Umm… He's fine and he sends his regards," Uryu lied and took a step forward into the light above the front door. The sun was already setting and the streetlights were just about to go on.

"Whoa! What happened to you?" The man suddenly exclaimed and the Quincy froze. Surely, it wasn't written on his features that something was wrong with him. "What are those nasty bruises on your face?"

Ah, yes. He'd been thoughtful about trying to get most of the blood from his face, but he couldn't do anything to hide the bruises. He didn't even know how he looked right now as he hadn't seen his reflection yet. His mind worked fast to concoct a believable answer. "Oh, right. I was trying to save this boy from a bunch of Hollows with Ichigo and the others, and-"

"Oh yeah! Ichigo mentioned something like that before! But without your powers, wasn't it better to stay on the sidelines, Ishida-kun?"

Uryu sighed. Yeah, he already knew that. Looking down, he answered: "I had no choice. Nobody but me had seen that boy. I had to help him."

"Oh well-"

While Isshin started ranting about his life, his daughters and Ichigo with his usual flair, Uryu mulled over the option to talk to Isshin. He couldn't go to the police, because they'd sent him to the hospital for evidence, but this man was also a doctor. And he was a good person.

But… only the thought of telling something so seriously degrading made him nauseous. How would Ichigo's father react? He'd want to examine him, and tell him to go to the police anyway.

Or worse, Isshin would call his father himself!

That thought chilled him to his very soul. Ryuuken had to stay unaware of this, at any cost! He couldn't stomach that man's belittling and demeaning arrogance any longer. Most of all not now.

No, talking to Ichigo's father definitely wasn't an option. The Quincy sighed and waited for the enthusiastically ranting man to finish his story.

"Any word on how to regain your powers by any chance?" Isshin suddenly blurted out, making Uryu gasp.

"N-no… not yet." The Quincy clenched his hands. It was painful for him to talk about this subject.

"Too bad." Isshin rubbed the back of his head, while the Quincy looked away. "Are you alright, Ishida-kun? You look pale."

Uryu was afraid to answer that question, out of fear of unraveling in front of Isshin, so he quickly changed the subject. "Could I speak to Ichigo? I have something urgent to tell him."

"Oh right!" Isshin said. "Why don't you come on in?"

"Thank you," he replied, still looking down as he slowly stepped over the threshold.

"Oh, don't be so shy, Ishida-kun, you're always welcome here." Isshin tried to put an arm around his shoulders, but Uryu instinctively flinched. Luckily, the man didn't really seem to notice, as he pushed Uryu inside. "He's up in his room. I'll go get him."

"I'll just wait in the hallway then," Uryu muttered. As he heard Ichigo's father yell from the stairway to his son, his heart started beating faster. Would Ichigo be able to see through the façade he tried to uphold? Would he be able to keep it together in front of him for now?

Suddenly, he heard the Substitute yell at his father from upstairs. It was so loud it was impossible not to listen in on their conversation.

"No! Tell him to go away! I don't wanna see him!"

"But, son, he's your friend, and he's looking kinda depressed, just come over to-"

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled angrily.

"But he says he has something urgent to tell you."

"I don't care, you old goat! Ishida, if you can hear me, just buzz off! I've already told you multiple times I want you to stay away from me! I have more important things to do!"

Shocked, Uryu hung his head so his raven hair fell in front of his face. Ichigo didn't even want to see him. He had expected him to be angry still, but he'd thought Ichigo would at least try to talk to him, even if only for a minute. The Substitute would see there was something terribly wrong with him, and he would be willing to help him out.

That's what he'd been telling himself the whole walk up to his house…

"Hey, Ishida!" A vaguely familiar voice said, coming from below, but Uryu wasn't paying attention to the stuffed animal at his feet and turned to face the front door again.

His eyes quickly filled with tears, while he could still hear Isshin and his son shouting at each other. The former was still urging Ichigo to come down, but the Substitute flatly refused and shouted at Uryu to just "fuck off and go annoy somebody else on Saturday eve". Completely taken aback, Uryu couldn't keep his emotions under control and tears started running down his face, making him tremble as he clenched his teeth hard as to not to start sobbing.

"Whoa!" A voice squeaked and he suddenly felt something crawl up his legs.

As Uryu refocused his gaze, he was staring down directly into the dark, lifeless eyes of Kon, who looked at him in awe while Uryu's tears rained down on him.

"Ishida? Are you alright?"

"K-kon?" He tried to wipe his tears away, but the mod-soul had already witnessed his distress. He'd lost all his motivation by what Ichigo had been yelling at him just now… He was barely managing from not having an emotional breakdown, but he couldn't stay here, that much was clear.

"Yeah, buddy, it's me. Why are you crying?" Kon climbed further up. In desperate need of a hug, Uryu acted on instinct and drew the stuffed animal against his chest. "Ishida?"

At that moment, he heard footsteps and gasped. Still holding Kon against him, Uryu quickly wiped his eyes again and pretended to clean his glasses to get rid of the moist on them, before turning towards Ichigo's father again and tried to act normal.

"You heard that, didn't you?" Isshin asked, visibly embarrassed by his son's behavior.

"Y-yeah…" the Quincy answered, looking down at Kon who looked confused in return. He tried to shield his face with his hair again, so Isshin wouldn't notice he'd been crying.

"I'm sorry, Ishida-kun, but it seems he's in one of his foul moods right now. You know how he can get sometimes." Ichigo's father made a forced smile. "Don't let it bother you, son. I'm sure he'll come around."

"I… I hope so," the Quincy managed, trying to keep himself together.

"You said it was something urgent. Is there something I can help you with?"

That startled Uryu and he tightened his grip on Kon again as he looked up at the Shinigami.

"N-no, I don't think-"

"Owww, come on, Ishida-kun. Why not join me for a nice cup of tea? You look like you could really use one. I'll even throw in my Yuzu-chan's famous lemon pie."

Uryu sighed regretfully as his stomach clenched at that. He hadn't eaten anything the whole day and only felt the needs of his body when food was mentioned. But still… He was too worked up to tell Isshin anything. It was awful and humiliating to say the least. And, he had to keep his bastard of a father out of this by all means.

"That's very nice of you, Kurosaki-san, but…"

"Oww, don't be so shy, Ishida-kun. It's only a drink. And maybe a talk if you're up to that. What harm could come from that?"

That remark hit Uryy like a cold shower and all the guilt he felt about being too trusting towards Kazuma resurfaced. He felt his defenses crumble and knew he had to get out before the other man saw his misery. If he lost it right here, it would become even more complicated.

"S-sorry… I really need to… get going," he stuttered as a shudder ran through his body, and quickly turned around towards the door again, so the man wouldn't see his face. "Some other time… maybe."

He heard Isshin whimper in disappointment as he stepped outside. Now, he knew this was Ichigo's father and the man could be trusted, but still, he'd been just that stupid the night before and was very much on guard right now.

"Alright then, Ishida-kun. But I'll hold you to that promise some other day."

"S-sure," Uryu answered, without turning towards Isshin.

As he heard the front door close a loud "Ichigo! You idiot!" resounded from inside.

With leaden shoes Uryu took a few steps forward, towards the closest street lantern that was now lit in the twilight that surrounded him. He could feel his throat close off from the emotions as tears pricked the back of his eyes once more, and leaned against the lantern for support.

He'd thought Ichigo would be willing to help him. Even if the boy had shouted to stay out of his life only a few days ago. He'd thought that when Ichigo saw the state he was in, he'd offer his support, just like he had during the time they'd tried healing together. But…

Uryu couldn't hold back a sob as a few fresh tears found their way out. He was so stupid. Ichigo had been very clear to him before. He had only wanted to help him out of pity and guilt over what he did, and yet he kept believing that… kept clinging to that ray of hope that Ichigo was still his friend… But right now, it seemed even that was too much for the other boy.

He needed help… It was almost completely dark, the streetlights were already lit, and he had nowhere to go. The thought of sleeping in a park somewhere made him almost nauseous from anxiety. Being afraid made him feel weak, but he couldn't help it. After everything he'd lived through, he was forever changed.

He gripped the street lantern hard as a shiver ran through him. Where could he go now? Who could he ask for help? Sado had explicitly told him to keep his distance, too. He couldn't even imagine talking about something like this to anyone but Ichigo…

Suddenly a voice said: "Umm, Ishida. You do know you're still holding me, right?"

Gasping, Uryu jumped. Looking down at the stuffed animal that was clinging to his long-sleeved pajama shirt, he quickly wiped his eyes. "S-sorry, Kon," he apologized.

Kon jumped out of his arms and went to stand on top of a wall so they could talk face to face. He quickly looked in every direction to guarantee his safety before talking to the Quincy again. "You look like shit."

"Yeah…" Uryu agreed, because it was undoubtably true. Quickly he swallowed his tears and gave the little mod-soul a faint smile.

"What's happened? Can I do something?"

Uryu gasped, swiftly wiping away the rest of his tears. It was kind of the mod-soul. He, at least, wanted to talk to him. The same went for Isshin. But he couldn't possibly tell the stuffed lion what was going on. "Unfortunately not, Kon… b-but thanks for asking."

"You said you needed to see Ichigo urgently? Just come back inside and I'll kick his ass for you. That asshole! In fact, I'll kick him for the both of us, as he treats me like shit all the time, too."

Uryu could relate to the way Kon felt, as he'd fixed him up multiple times, and the talkative plushie was always quick to tell him the latest news about how Ichigo and Rukia were treating him. He also knew neither of those Shinigami saw it as bullying but mere disciplining Kon's eccentric behavior sometimes, but still… Uryu understood it hurt the mod-soul.

"Thank you, Kon, but that's not going to help me right now."

"Maybe not, but it'll make me feel pretty darn good!" Uryu couldn't help but huff a soft laugh at the enthusiasm of the other, which was good as it helped to appease his overloaded nerves. Kon was throwing punches in the air and kicking viciously before he suddenly sighed deeply and admitted: "Who am I kidding. That fucking Ichigo will probably tape me to the back of the toilet again if I try to take him on…"

The Quincy patted the stuffed animal's head, still trying to smile a little. "Don't take any risks like that, Kon. Especially not on my behalf."

"But… You looked so miserable, Ishida. I just…" Kon looked at him with an array of emotions, mostly concern and confusion. "I know I'm only a stupid mod-soul, but I wished I could help you out somehow. We're friends, aren't we?"

The Quincy felt his broken heart warm a little at that and gave the small creature a bigger smile this time. "You already did, Kon." He grabbed him again and gave him a hug. "I just needed to talk to a friend and…"

Kon blushed at that and laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "You're a nice guy, Ishida."

"Thanks." Uryu tried to hide his embarrassment, as he rarely got any compliments like that. Kon laughed a hearty laugh and jumped back onto the wall. "But I really should get going now."

"Oh! I know!" Kon exclaimed. "Maybe you can go visit Orihime-chan. She's always nice to me! She can heal the wounds in your face, at least."

Uryu gave Kon a soft smile again, while he tried to regain his composure without the help of the light lantern. "That's a good idea of you, Kon." He gave him a pet on top of his head again. "Don't let Ichigo bring you down, you hear. You're a nice guy, you just get a little carried away sometimes."

"Thanks, Ishida," he purred. "Yeah, I can't help it. All those boobs I see everywhere, when I'm stuck in this body. It's hell I tell you!"

Uryu couldn't help but laugh at that, even though he knew the lion plushie desperately wanted a girlfriend. "Take care, Kon." And with that he started walking in the direction of Orihime's house. He was pretty slow, as his movements were still laced with pain.

He'd actually thought about visiting Orihime if for some reason Ichigo refused to help him, but… he hadn't thought it would come to this. Orihime was a sweet girl and she was always nice to him, but she was Ichigo's girlfriend now, and he knew for certain the Substitute wasn't going to like it if he stayed over at her house.

However, the Quincy felt stained to his core and he wanted to get clean, desperately. Having nowhere else to go, he decided he was going to be as bold and ask Orihime if he could at least take a shower at her place. She would undoubtedly find it strange, but… he really wanted, needed, to get out of his disgusting clothes. Uryu decided it was his best option right now.

With a heavy sigh he started walking in the direction of Orihime's house and hoped Ichigo wouldn't catch him there.


"Ishida-kun?" Orihime looked surprised to find the Quincy standing on her doorstep. Probably because he had never visited her before.

"Hi Inoue-san," Uryu said, shyly. "I'm sorry to bother you on Saturday eve, but there's something I wanted to ask you, and-"

"Oh! Really!" she cheerfully interrupted. "Is it something interesting? Is it something important?" The Quincy faintly smiled at her renowned enthusiasm. "Please come in and tell me all about it, Ishida-kun."

"Thanks." He quickly left his shoes and coat at the entrance and followed her in. He'd taken the small pack with him, as it held the change of clothes he desperately wanted to get into. As he stepped into the brightly lit center of her apartment, Orihime gasped.

"Ishida-kun, your face! What happened?"

Ah yes, his bruises. He had to lie again… Well, it wasn't a lie entirely. "A few days ago, I got mixed up in a Hollow fight when I saved this boy, and-"

"Oh yes! Ichigo told me about that!" she interrupted him. "He was really angry about that, too."

"Yeah…" Uryu, turned his eyes downwards. He didn't needed to be reminded of the way Ichigo had reacted just then. He still felt bad about that.

"Did you want me to heal you?"

"W-well… that too, but I also have another request."

"Oh, right! Sorry to interrupt you like that, Ishida-kun. Where are my manners? Please give me a sec."

Uryu looked around. This was the first time he was in Orihime's appartement and it seemed she was a bit of a chaotic type. He smiled as that fitted her. With an embarrassed giggle, she quickly dashed about the room to hide the dirty clothes that had been scattered across the floor mere seconds ago. Then, she swiftly tucked away the homework that had been waiting for her on the low table, to make room for them to sit.

"S-sorry…" she said while rubbing the back of her head. "I was gonna tidy up right about now, but… oh well."

"It's okay, Inoue-san." Uryu quickly reassured her.

"Please sit down, Ishida-kun." She gestured towards her low table framed with sitting cushions. "Would you like some tea?"

"Actually, that would be very nice."

While the girl wasn't looking, he went to sit down. His thighs and hips hurt, so he proceeded with care, but that was nothing compared to the pain he felt in his behind. He bit his lip as not to wince as he actually sank down on a cushion, but it seemed Orihime wasn't paying attention to him right now.

The girl came back with 2 mugs of steaming tea, and a platter of cookies, which she managed to gracefully set down in front of him on the low table.

"Try one," she said as she handed him a cookie ," I've just baked them this afternoon."

"O-okay." Uryu eyed the thing suspiciously, as Orihime's cooking was a bit… innovative at times. But when he put the cookie into his mouth, he felt his stomach growl in anticipation as he hadn't eaten anything all day and couldn't help himself from blushing at the loud sound his eager belly was making.

Orihime laughed as he tried in vain to hide his embarrassment. "You seem hungry, Ishida-kun. Please eat as many as you want."

"Thank you, Inoue-san." The cookies were a bit strange, as to be expected from her, but he was gratefully accepting them. Hunger made for the best spice after all.

As Orihime was cheerfully explaining which ingredients she had mixed together to make for a rather weird, although edible, product, Uryu was considering his chances if he could ask her to let him stay over for a few days after all. Just until he had found another solution. But… when Ichigo found out he was staying at his girlfriend's place, things would turn nasty really quick. He was sure of that.

"So," she asked with a big smile, "what did you want to ask me?"

Uryu felt nervous asking such a strange request, so he tried to come up with a believable reason while looking at his knees. "There was a leak in my apartment complex yesterday, and to fix that they had to close off the entire building's water supply." Uryu clutched the fabric of his pants between his fingers, forcing his next sentence out. "I don't want to impose but… would you… would you mind if I took a shower here?" His eyes stared a hole through his legs, but he didn't dare to look up to see the look on her face. He knew it was a weird thing to ask, which was only confirmed by her surprised sigh. "S-sorry to disappoint you, Inoue-san. It isn't an interesting thing to ask you, but…I… I really want to clean myself up." Uryu swallowed hard to keep his emotions in check.

"S-sure," the girl answered a bit amazed. "That wasn't anything I was expecting, but if I can help you out that way, why not."

The Quincy sighed in relief and felt some of his tension ebb away. "Thank you, Inoue-san."

She stood up and gestured for him to follow her. Very slowly he stood up, wincing, and this time, she did notice. "Are you feeling alright, Ishida-kun? You seem to be in pain. Is that also because of that Hollow fight?"

"Ah… um, yes, I got hurt there, and I haven't been feeling well since," Uryu lied.

Although he really needed somebody to listen right now, he froze at the thought of telling Ichigo's girlfriend. He was sure he was going to lose his calm if he started talking about how he ended up in all of this mess. Afraid to be judged again, he didn't dare to broach a subject as painful as this. Maybe he'd involuntarily slip his and Ichigo's dirty secret while he was at it. He didn't want to hurt him like that…

No, he couldn't let her in on all of this…

"Let me take a look," Orihime said, determined. "Here, sit down on this chair." Before he had the chance to say anything, she had already pushed him down, unknowing of his pain. The movement was so fast Uryu couldn't contain a moan. His face flushed when he saw her staring at him.

"S-sorry," he excused himself, "you just startled me."

"I'm going to heal you now, Ishida-kun." He nodded slowly. "You can shower after, and then maybe you can have something to eat with Ichigo and me when he gets here." She smiled.

Uryu's gasped when her words got through to him. "When he… gets here?"

Crap!

Ichigo was coming over!

He had to make haste, because they would definitely have an argument if the Substitute found him in his girlfriend's house and he was not feeling up to that right now. But before he could say anything more, Orihime took him off-guard.

"Well, yeah." She smiled broadly. "He phoned me a little while ago that he would come over to snuggle. It's Saturday's eve and all." Blushing, she started lacing her fingers and couldn't hide her happiness. "He's such a great kisser, and all!"

"I… I see…" was all Uryu could answer to that. Although the girl wasn't doing anything wrong, he was already feeling more than depressed today and had difficulties to take that information. Looking down, so his raven-black hair shielded his face again, he closed his eyes and tried to swallow the flash of hurt that had wounded his broken heart a little more.

Then, Orihime must've realized her mistake as he could hear her take a sharp breath. He'd probably been unable to hide the hurt on his face. Her blatant delight had ebbed away when she answered: "Oh! I'm so sorry, Ishida-kun. I didn't want to hurt you with that, it's just… I'm still not used to the idea that… you know… you like Ichigo, too, and so, I keep forgetting."

Uryu sighed. Although it had pained him to hear her talk like that, he said: "It's okay, Inoue-san. I can't blame you for loving Ichigo." He looked up again and gave her a faint smile. "I've known for a long time that you were in love with him."

Orihime gave an embarrassed chuckle and rubbed the back of her head. "Yeah, it was pretty obvious, right? But still… I can imagine it's difficult for you to see him with me." Uryu couldn't reply anything to that. "Come on," she smiled, "let me heal you before he gets here."

Crap! He'd almost forgotten already. Ichigo would come over tonight! Anxiety was already spreading through his veins. He didn't have time for this chit-chat anymore. Het needed to get himself clean and get out of here, fast, as he wanted to avoid another confrontation right now.

"S-sorry, Inoue-san, but can I first use your shower, please? I really want to get clean."

She pouted and tilted her head sideways. "But… don't you want me to heal you?"

"Yes, I do, but I really want to get out of these dirty clothes first. You can heal my wounds afterwards." He had to make sure she didn't actually see any of the evidence of what had happened, but considering the locations, that was most unlikely…

Orihime stared at him for a few seconds, appraising him , before replying: "Alright then. Follow me, I'll give you some fresh towels."

Hoisting the small pack over his shoulder again, Uryu thanked her and followed her into the small bathroom. Unlike most Japanese bathrooms, hers held a shower as there was no room for a bath. The tiles were traditionally white and stood in pure contrast with all the brightly colored toiletries the girl had scattered about the room. Uryu placed his bag on the floor and grabbed the soft linens Orihime offered him.

"Thank you, Inoue-san."

"Take all the time you need, Ishida-kun." Then she stepped outside.

Uryu needed to hurry. He wanted to get going before Ichigo found him here, but he still felt discomfort and sore and that pain made his movements slow. After he'd removed both his pajama pants and the extra pair he'd worn on top, his eye fell on his reflection in the mirror and he gasped. This was the first time he actually had a look at the evidence of his assault and it made him feel lost again. He looked even paler than usual, which made the black and blue bruises on his face stand out really bad. At least his nose and split lip had stopped bleeding a while ago.

When he removed his long-sleeved shirt, his eyes glided towards his underwear. As he saw a few bruises above the hem of his boxers, a hard shiver ran through his body and the smell of that vile bastard, Kazuma, flooded his nostrils again. He put one hand against the wall to brace himself, while his fingers tried to calm down his coiling stomach. Unfortunately, his fingers involuntary found a patch of dried semen on his low abdomen and that instantly made him sick. Quickly, he made it to the toilet and threw up. Several times. Orihime's tea and cookies. Before only bile remained.

Standing on wobbly legs, Uryu wiped his mouth. He needed water, his blood pressure was dropping. Not to mention to get the vile taste out of his mouth. As he swiftly rinsed his mouth and drank from the sink, he hoped Orihime hadn't picked up any of that.

He didn't have time for any of this! He needed to get out of here before the Substitute arrived.

What would he find when he removed his boxers? It made him shudder harshly, disgusted by what had happened. Disgusted by how easily he had given that man the power to take advantage of him. Disgusted by himself…

Uryu was just about to lay his glasses aside an put the shower on, when he heard a lot of commotion. His attention was immediately drawn towards the door He froze. Maybe this hadn't been a good idea after all…

"No, you can't go in there, Ichigo. Ishida-kun is taking a shower."

Shit!

"What?" Ichigo's voice rang through the small apartment.

Uryu's heartbeat shot up, fueled by anxiety. Quickly, he grabbed his shirt again and tried to put it back on, to cover the evidence on his hips and belly. He'd just managed to get his arms in the sleeves when Ichigo crashed into the small bathroom, looking furious. Before the Quincy could say anything, Ichigo roughly shoved him against the tiled wall. Startled, Uryu made a distressed sound.

"What the hell, Ishida? Why are you taking a shower in my girlfriend's bathroom?" The substitute's eyes were full of fire, scanning Uryu angrily, holding him in place by his shoulders.

Uryu had feared this would happen. Especially after the way the Substitute had shouted at him when he visited his house. Hence he'd wanted to go before Ichigo got here.

"I-Ichigo, I-"

"Stop using my first name, dammit!"

Uryu's already damaged confidence was in tatters due to the brutal treatment he'd just lived through, and he currently didn't have the strength to fight Ichigo, neither physically nor mentally. It stung that Ichigo didn't want him to use his given name anymore, as it hammered home the distance the substitute wanted to put between them.

What would he tell Ichigo now? The boy was clearly pissed. He hadn't even noticed the way he looked. Or he didn't care.

"Kurosaki…" Uryu tried again. "I went to your house first, but-"

"Yeah, and I told you to buzz off!"

"I-I only wanted… to talk…" Uryu averted his gaze. "But… since you didn't want to see me… I-I thought that… Inoue-san might-" Ichigo shot him down with a lethal glare and that shut him up.

Uryu was in for it now. He'd already felt so miserable, he was but a hairs breath away from a breakdown. This argument was not going to end well…

The Substitute gripped his shoulders hard, including the shoulder that hadn't completely been healed by Rukia's spell and made Uryu wince.

"Goddamit, Ishida! How many times have I told you to stay away from me! You aren't safe around me!" Ichigo shouted, furious. "Is that why you're here? So you can bother my girlfriend instead?"

When Uryu looked down and didn't answer immediately, Ichigo shook him, making his glasses almost tumble off. What was he going to say? Ichigo was angry and he felt very vulnerable right now. To top that, he still felt like he betrayed Ichigo by having sex with that creep Kazuma. Even if he hadn't wanted to. Even if it hadn't been his fault. Even if the Substitute had a relationship with Orihime now.

"Ichigo!" Orihime barged in. "What the heck are you doing? Ishida-kun is my guest!" The girl promptly blushed when she saw Uryu was only clad in his boxers and his unbuttoned shirt, and quickly averted her gaze.

"Oh yeah?" Ichigo addressed her. "Isn't it a coincidence that's he's never visited you before, but now that I've told him to fuck off, he is here?" He looked back at Uryu, who was trying to keep it together, standing on shaky legs. Panic was spreading through his body. He was so shocked by the way the Substitute was treating him that he had difficulties to get any words out.

"Just leave him alone!" Orihime yelled. "He hasn't done anything wrong! The water supply in his appartement has been shut of, and-"

"Orihime, stop interfering!" Ichigo snapped at the girl. "I need to hear it from him!"

Orihime crossed her arms huffed angrily: "I'm not happy with you right now."

Struck speechless, the archer watched how Ichigo ignored her and returned his attention to him again, pressing him against the wall with renewed vigor. Hurting him.

"Are you gonna tell me what the hell you're doing here or do I have to beat it out of you?" the Substitute spat.

Uryu started feeling weak in the knees and was just barely managing not to sink to the floor. Ichigo removed his gripping fingers, and instead pushed the Quincy to the wall with the length of his forearm.

"I-I just wanted to take a shower…" Uryu tried. He felt the emotions inside him wreak havoc, and he was losing the battle to keep them under control. He was quieter than usual and the Substitute noticed this too.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ichigo snarled, while shaking him a bit more.

"I… I just…" His nerves were saturated with anxiety. If Ichigo pushed his buttons a little more and triggered his trauma, he was going to scream.

"Fuck, Ishida! I understand everything we went through isn't easy on you! But can't you consider how I feel for once?" Ichigo sounded exasperated. "I've told you I want you to back off, but you keep getting in my way no matter what I say."

Uryu's eyes went wide at that. It stung… Wasn't he considering Ichigo's feelings all the time? He was doing everything he could not to let the others know about what happened in the lab, but… he really needed help right now. "I-Ichigo, I…"

"Stop calling me that! And stop harassing me, goddamit!"

The Quincy took that as a blow. Instead of his trauma being triggered, Ichigo had stunned him silent again. The Substitute wasn't going to listen to him. He wasn't considering the way he felt at all. But still, Uryu was going to try. He didn't have any other options and was in dire need.

"I'm not… But I-I need… help-"

"I don't care!" Ichigo snarled into his face, looking absolutely fuming. "I have my share of problems, too! I'm in over my head, but you keep reminding me of what has happened to us! Yes, I failed to protect you! And now you can't stop to make me feel utterly worthless!"

"Ichigo!" Orihime snapped. "Ishida-kun hasn't done anything wrong! Why are you so mean to him?"

Ichigo yelled something back at her, but the Quincy didn't hear those words. Uryu's face had fallen and for a moment he went completely still. Another crack formed in his broken heart and he felt his eyes fill with tears again. Still looking down, he lacked the courage to face the person he loved. He'd felt so lost already, but Ichigo had just dealt him the finishing blow. The hurt and pain were taking over, he could no longer hold them in.

"I-I just… need… a friend…." Tears started spilling from his sapphire eyes and his lower lip trembled as he tried to suck in a sob, but failed. "A friend… K-kurosaki…"

Orihime gasped harshly. "Leave him alone, Ichigo! Can't you see he's not feeling well!"

Ichigo shook Uryu again. "Stop being such a fucking drama queen, Ishida! I can't stand to see you like this! Haven't you heard a word I just said?"

That hurt so much. The last thing Uryu wanted was to break down in front of Ichigo right now, especially because of the way he was treating him. The Substitute didn't even want to listen to him. He didn't know anything of his completely fucked up life. Ichigo had seen there was something wrong with him, but he just pushed his own judgement onto him. Just like his father had done.

And Uryu still felt so foul and disgusting and desperately wanted to shower…

More tears ran down his cheeks as he finally locked eyes with Ichigo. He knew he must look utterly devastated right now, but he couldn't mask the way he felt. Sobbing, he whispered: "I'll… leave you alone… Kurosaki… but please… let me take… a shower here."

Ichigo's ferocious look softened at his plea, and he released his hold over the Quincy. Without the Substitute's arm holding him in place, Uryu couldn't stand up any longer, drained by the emotions. When he sank down to his knees, Ichigo was visibly startled.

"Ishida, what the…"

Ashamed and desperate, Uryu sat on his hands and knees and bowed down to Ichigo. "I… I just want to… clean myself up… Then I'll be on my way." Uryu's voice broke, making him sound as miserable as he felt. "So please… Kurosaki… I need to get clean…"

A year ago, he would've never, ever begged a Shinigami like this. He would never have disgraced himself in such a way. He wasn't a lesser being than a Shinigami, after all. But now... hurt and vulnerable, humiliated too many times, he was feeling so forlorn that none of that mattered anymore. He just wanted Ichigo to stop shouting at him before he lost it completely. He wanted to get Kazuma's stench off him before he had to throw up again.

Uryu heard Orihime gasp again, but didn't dare to look up to face their judgement over his scandalous behavior. A proud Quincy, on his knees before a Shinigami. He tried to reign in his emotions and could at least stop sobbing by biting his lip hard.

"That's more than enough, Ichigo." Orihime said firmly. Then, the archer felt a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Ishida-kun, don't mind my stupid boyfriend. Of course you can take a shower here. And afterwards, I'll heal you, as you obviously are hurt far more than you want to tell us."

"T-thank you… Inoue-san." After those encouraging words, Uryu slowly changed positions and now sat back on his knees. Orihime gave him a soft smile and he quickly wiped his tears away. For a brief moment, his gaze crossed Ichigo's, who was looking at him completely shocked and silent.

Uryu didn't even dare to tell him what had happened to him anymore. Not after all that verbal chastisement. And they didn't even know his foul secret yet…

Ichigo was appraising him head to bottom, and Uryu quickly closed his open shirt so his eyes wouldn't linger on the wrong places. "Ishida, what-" He could only guess what the Substitute had wanted to say, as Orihime took him by the arm and cut him off.

"You're coming with me, now."

"But-"

"But, you're helping me make something to eat." With that, she dragged the Substitute out of her bathroom, giving the other boy the privacy he desperately needed.

Uryu let his head hang, feeling utterly wasted and cheap. Wincing at the pain in his hips, he managed to change positions again and was now hugging his knees. Even if it hurt to sit down like this, it was the only comfort he could give himself right now.

It didn't take long before fresh tears started running down his cheeks, and he just let them fall freely this time. Why did it have to be like this? He'd only wanted to talk... He hadn't been able to tell Ichigo anything; he didn't even have the chance. Ichigo urged him to stay away again, despite his desperate need for a friend. The Substitute didn't even have to return his feelings; he knew that was utterly hopeless. His mere friendship would suffice.

A hard shudder rocked his body as a painful sob broke free. He'd honestly believed Ichigo would help him. Did that make him stupid or naïve? Hadn't they been friends for long enough? Hadn't he always had the other boy's back? He'd known coming to Orihime's house had been a risky gamble, as it seemed Ichigo couldn't even stand him right now. But, he'd only come to Orihime because he had nowhere else to go.

Why was he treated this way? Ichigo's reaction had made the whole ordeal even harder to bear.

What was he supposed to do now? Sure, Orihime had given him permission to use her bathroom, but after that… he'd be out on the streets again, having to confront the night all by himself. It chilled him to the bone, but there really was no place he could go. Sado was certainly going to be displeased if he showed up. Renji would kick his ass if he went to Urahara's again.

Lost and lonely, he felt a little bit of Quincy pride bloom in his chest as he promised himself he'd be able to face the night alone. As he tried to encourage himself a little before having a complete meltdown right here and now.

After Uryu'd calmed himself down enough so he could stand back up, he finally turned on the hot spray. Laying his glasses aside, he quickly discarded his shirt and boxers without looking down, as he was certain that would make him sick again.

Uryu stepped into the shower and let the hot water run over his body. He borrowed some soap from Orihime and started scrubbing everywhere, thoroughly. So hard he made red scratches on his skin. He felt so dirty. So very soiled. He needed to get the smell of Kazuma off of him. How he wished that washing away the contaminated stains of that man would also relieve him of his sins…

He loved Ichigo, but besides that one time in Szayelaporro's lab where they both had managed to get lost in each other, he hadn't climaxed once during any of the times Ichigo had unwillingly sexually assaulted him. All those times had been nothing but pain and suffering. So why… why did that freak of a Kazuma wanted to give him an orgasm? That thought alone brought fresh tears to his eyes. That was something even the Hollow hadn't done, and he felt repulsed by his own body. It made him feel so vile. So utterly disgusting. There had to be something wrong with him…

After he'd been in the shower for a while, and his skin had become red on various places, Uryu tried to gain some of his composure back. After he'd washed his hair, he just let the warm water sooth him for a while as he tried not to get heavily discouraged again by all his chaotic thoughts. That was easier said than done, but he gave it his all. He needed to come out of this room sooner or later anyway. Ichigo would still be there, and as he lacked the energy to argue with him, he'd just try to get out of Orihime's apartment as fast as possible.

He proceeded to towel himself down and put on some fresh clothes he'd taken from his pack. He put everything in Orihime's bathroom the way it was before he entered it, and took a deep breath in and out before he opened the door to the small living area.

Uryu's timing was bad.

He couldn't hold back a sharp gasp as he witnessed Ichigo sitting in the sofa, with Orihime in his lap, entangled in a passionate kiss. They both had their eyes closed and their arms wrapped around each other. One of Ichigo's hands was playing with the girl's long, auburn hair, making her hum contently. Their kiss had nothing to do with one of the chaste kisses he'd shared with Ichigo, this was something completely different altogether.

They were so enrapt in each other's arms, they hadn't even seen or heard him yet. The Quincy felt a tug at his heart again and looked away, sadly. He barely managed to keep it together at this point, feeling spent and hurt, and knew he couldn't take much more before he'd have an emotional breakdown right here and now. He cleared his throat to make his presence known.

All at once, Orihime's eyes shot open and she instantly broke the kiss to stand up, blushing crimson. "Are you alright, Ishida-kun?"

Uryu didn't miss how the Substitute smirked at him from behind Orihime. He obviously wanted to rub it in his face again that he was with her now. "Yes, I feel much better. Thanks," he lied.

"Come sit over here, Ishida-kun. I'll heal you now." Orihime pointed to a chair.

Although he didn't want to impose on her for much longer, and go away before things got heated between him and Ichigo again, the prospect of having his body healed was too good an offer to pass up. Ichigo was watching him closely as he went to sit down, so he did everything in his power to walk those few steps without showing pain, and to sit down without wincing.

"Since I only have to heal your wounds, and not your spiritual pressure, it won't take long," Orihime said cheerfully. Ichigo snickered, but the girl had no idea she'd said something painful to the Quincy.

"Sōten Kisshun." A warm, glowing light surrounded Uryu and he closed his eyes on a soft grunt. Her technique was as beautiful as it was effective, and the Quincy was truly grateful to her. He felt the pain in his rear fade first, as that was the place that hurt the most right now, followed by the pain in his hips and thighs, until the warm glow could be felt through his entire body. Uryu sighed when he felt how the warmth erased all traces of pain. When he opened his eyes again, his body was fully healed, and he looked into the beaming face or Orihime.

"Better?" she asked.

"Thank you, Inoue-san," Uryu said softly, while pushing up his glasses. If only she could help him deal with his trauma, or restore his confidence or heal his broken heart… But still, Orihime had made him a little happier.

"We've made some snacks while you were in the shower and I'm counting on you to join us, Ishida-kun."

Uryu felt his stomach clench and was about to admit that it would be nice to eat something, when his gaze fell upon Ichigo's piercing stare. For a moment, Orihime had almost made him forget the Substitute was there. "Um… No, thanks, Inoue-san, you've already helped me out so much. I really don't want to impose." The girl shot a glance between him and Ichigo and was probably quick to guess there was too much tension between the boys for Uryu the accept her offer.

"Oh! I know!" she said cheerfully "I'll wrap some for you. Just wait a minute."

Before he could answer anything to that, she was gone. Uryu had just wanted to go, but it would be very rude to just leave like that. He felt Ichigo's eyes on him again and tried to ignore him.

"My girlfriend's healed you now, and I want you to stay away from our Hollow fights from now on, Ishida, in case that wasn't clear yet." Uryu looked at him, but kept his mouth shut, trying to avoid another conflict. "I'll ask you one more time to keep your distance, and I hope you'll be reasonable this time, Ishida. It isn't safe for you around us anymore. Especially not since you don't have any powers, and-"

Uryu clenched his fists tight and could no longer stay quiet as Ichigo had hit him precisely where it hurt. "Yes, I heard you the 1st time, Kurosaki! I'll make sure to keep to myself so everybody can go on with their lives and won't have to deal with powerless trash like me."

"Good. Keep to yourself. I like the sound of that." Ichigo stood up, and Uryu instinctively took a step back, which made the former glare at him again. "Now I want you out of here, so Orihime and I can have some sweet time together."

Uryu averted his gaze again. Ichigo was deliberately aiming to hurt him, he got that, but he didn't have the willpower to fight back right now. "Why are you doing this to me?" the Quincy asked, uncertain. "I understand that you want to keep me safe from Hollows, but…" His voice wavered from emotion as he continued: "why can't we be friends anymore?"

"Friends? Seriously, Ishida? Weren't you always claiming we were enemies?" Ichigo sneered.

Uryu sighed. Yes, he had said that a lot, there was no denying that. But… all of that had been a way for him to hide his real feelings for the other boy. And so he kept claiming they were enemies while his sentiments grew stronger and stronger. "Surely you realized that was just my Quincy pride speaking. You know how I truly feel." His gaze lingered on the other's face as he tried to keep himself in control.

Ichigo scoffed. "There was never any friendship between us, Ishida. Don't flatter yourself to think otherwise. We were useful to each other for a while, but that's over now."

Those words hit Uryu like an A-bomb and he couldn't hide the hurt on his face as he stared into that sarcastic smirk Ichigo gave him. He knew it wasn't true. It wasn't. Ichigo had done too much during their imprisonment that proved otherwise, but…

"I told you I'd make you stay away from me, didn't I? So for the love of god, just get the fucking message already, Ishida."

"Ichigo!" Orihime shouted, while appearing with a bag in her arms. "Why are you being so mean to Ishida-kun? What's happened between you two?" Orihime looked from Ichigo to Uryu and back but neither of them wanted to give her an answer to that.

Uryu sighed, doubt weighing heavily on his heart. "I really need to go now, Inoue-san. Thank you for everything." He bowed to her, before turning around to put on his shoes and coat, hoisting his small pack over his shoulder again.

"Here, Ishida-kun, I've packed some snacks for you. We made far too many anyway." She smiled at him. "Oh and pay Ichigo no heed. I know he's worried about you, even if he puts on that show of his."

Uryu didn't have an answer to that, but the way Ichigo scoffed at that urged him to go, fast. He couldn't take this tension any longer. With a murmur of apology, he closed the door to her appartement and found himself outside.

With leaden shoes, the Quincy sauntered away. He couldn't ask Orihime for such a favor again. Not now she was with the Substitute. Why did Ichigo treat him like that? All because he loved that stupid prick? Or… because Ichigo hated the way he'd been manipulated during their ordeal? He didn't understand. They'd bonded so much during their imprisonment, then why…

Ichigo'd told him he was making him feel worthless? How? He hadn't wanted any of those things to happen to them… Wasn't he as much a victim as Ichigo was? He could understand that Ichigo felt like he failed him, but he could not turn any of those horrid events back. He had forgiven the Substitute, but he could see Ichigo needed a lot more time to heal, and he wished with all his heart the other boy would find a way to forgive himself.

And he hadn't even told Ichigo he knew the other boy was aware of everything that had happened…

He'd been so naïve to believe the Substitute would be willing to help him. Such a stupid fool he was… Ichigo had relisted his terms again, he definitely wanted him to stay away from him from now on. He was completely on his own. What was he going to do?

Sighing in defeat, Uryu looked around him. Besides the occasional light of a street lantern, there was only darkness surrounding him. Where was he going to sleep tonight? Anxiety was already numbing his thoughts again, but it didn't make the desperation in his aching heart any less bearable…