Chapter 11: Just a burden
Groaning, Uryu blinked a few times. His head spun and he had no idea where he was. There was dim light surrounding him, but his vision was too blurry to make a lot out of his surroundings. With trembling hands, he tried to reach for his glasses, but he wasn't in his own bed, but somewhere on a cold floor, and so his specs weren't where he'd hoped to find them.
On a soft moan, he turned over onto his belly, feeling nauseous and exhausted. He was cold and it was only now he realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes. What had happened again?
His hips hurt, his backside hurt, everything felt numb. As he pushed himself back on his knees, he noticed the bloody streaks on his thighs and that's when everything came back to him.
Ichigo and he had been forced to have sex.
In front of Szayelaporro. For reasons that were beyond him. Who knew what went on in that Espada's head.
Going about the room in the dim light on the touch, Uryu's fingers brushed up against some fabric and he brought the cloth towards him. It was his Quincy uniform. When he sought the spot using his hands again, he found his trusty glasses and quickly put them on.
Ichigo wasn't with him. That bastard Szayelaporro must be occupied with him again.
Wincing, Uryu struggled to put on his clothes. His movements were slow, whatever that Espada had injected him with wasn't fully out of his system yet.
Suddenly, the door opened and two guards dragged an unconscious Ichigo inside and dumped him on the floor at the other side of the room. The Quincy was immediately on guard and glared at the Fraccionés, but they didn't pay him a lot of attention. Before the door closed again, another one quickly dumped a tray with their rations inside.
When they were alone again, Uryu made haste towards Ichigo, but he could only manage to crawl on all fours. The wounds in his belly were stinging a lot. As did his backside. Of course, that insane freak had wanted Ichigo to sleep with him with wounds so fresh they would simply start to bleed and cause internal damage. Biting his lip to try and focus on something else, Uryu whimpered.
All of a sudden, Ichigo cried out and Uryu dragged himself towards him as fast as he could, feeling worried. The other teen must be having a nightmare and he wanted to try and rouse him from his frightful slumber.
After a few unfruitful attempts of shaking the Substitute's shoulders, the Quincy went to fetch their bowl of water and a few sheets of toilet paper. Then, he just let Ichigo's head rest on top of his lap and wiped the sweat of his brow. Suddenly, Ichigo screamed and opened his eyes, looking disoriented and panting heavily. Uryu studied him worriedly.
"Thank god, that wasn't real," Ichigo muttered.
The Substitute seemed to be alright, apart from the nightmare that had attacked him, and that brought instant relief to the Quincy's features. As he was still hovering over him, he dipped a few sheets of toilet paper in their water bowl and started cleaning Ichigo's forehead.
Suddenly, the lights went on and Uryu knew they were being watched…
What would Szayelaporro be up to now?
The last time they were both awake, he'd forced them to have sex. And although Uryu was still in pain because of his very raw abdominal injuries, he'd never believed something like that would actually happen between them. He knew Ichigo had done it for his sake, to prevent even worse, but still… That moment they had been connected, bodies entwined and heartbeats beating as one, he'd been so enrapt by Ichigo that he could momentarily let go of the pain. It had simply been overridden by everything else he he'd felt during that unexpectedly passionate moment.
The horrors that Szayelaporro had promised him if Ichigo had refused to sleep with him had been mortifying to say the least. Uryu was grateful towards Ichigo and as he was still unable to express any words, he couldn't help but beam while tending to him right now. The Substitute was a hero after all, a born protector, but Uryu hadn't thought he'd really go that far on his behalf.
With a small gurgle, Uryu gently caressed the Substitute's cheek while giving him a soft smile, still feeling a bit of that captivating connection they shared only hours before. Ichigo had kissed him. He knew he'd done it to get him through their ordeal, but still… he'd always wondered how that would feel like. Countless dreams and longing wishes hadn't done it any justice.
Carefully, Uryu helped the Substitute into a sitting position. On a soft gurgle, he brought their bowl of water towards the other boy's lips and smiled again as Ichigo started drinking.
All of a sudden, a blunt force hit the side of his face and made him fly backwards. The water bowl crashed to the floor in the process, splashing all of their precious liquid around. Uryu was completely taken by surprise when Ichigo marched towards him and snarled:
"You asshole! It's all your fault we're in this mess! You told that freak Espada you wanted me to fuck you!"
Uryu stared at him with incredulous eyes, fear of the Black Velvet mind control already creeping up on him. But that couldn't be… Ichigo'd been unconscious and he hadn't heard Szayelaporro give the command. It had to be the aggression meds…
The Quincy didn't get any time to dwell on that any longer, as Ichigo jumped up and punched him in the face again with everything he had, adding in a few blows to his upper body. Aghast at this unexpected turn of events, the Quincy tried to defend himself by blocking punches as best as he could, making startled grunts in the process.
A particularly violent punch had the archer flying onto the floor, flat on his back. Groaning, he managed to lift his torso from the floor with his elbows and looked at the Substitute with a shocked expression.
"You idiot! Why did you make me do that! I'm not gay! Like I really wanted to fuck you!" Ichigo screamed, looming over him intimidatingly. Panicked, Uryu tried to protect his head again from Ichigo's rage, but the latter kicked him violently in his unprotected lower stomach while shouting:
"You can't even jerk off by yourself! You gay freak!"
Uryu screamed a silent scream, and arched up while looking at him pleadingly. But the Substitute didn't stop and kicked him again. Feeling completely helpless, Uryu could only make highly distressed gurgling sounds as Ichigo stomped down on his wounded abdomen time after time. Ichigo wasn't susceptible to reason in this state, he'd already found that out the hard way. He could plead or beg all he wanted, Ichigo would stay invulnerable to his painful wails.
Those horrid aggression enhancers! Every time that Espada had used them on his guinea pig, the effects got worse. Ichigo seemed to lose more and more of himself. Szayelaporro must be having a blast watching them. That sudden, extreme change in behavior made Uryu completely distraught. That was probably what Szayelaporro had been aiming for, too. Just hours ago, they'd shared that intimate moment, and although it was really divergent from how something like that was supposed to happen, it had made him happy that his hero had actually gone through with all that for his sake. And now, that same hero seemed ready to kill him for it.
"You asshole! I wanted my first time to mean something! I wanted to get laid with a pretty girl like Orihime! Not with an ugly, scrawny abomination like you!"
Uryu felt his heart break. Yes, he'd been stupid and naïve to think something had changed between them because of what had happened. Ichigo hadn't been revolted by him, and although he knew the other boy didn't love him, he'd hoped that sharing a powerful moment like that would bring them a little closer together at least. But the opposite seemed to have happened…
The Quincy felt his eyes fill with tears as Ichigo kept shouting intimidating things at him while crushing the painful wounds under his foot. No, it hadn't been the first time from his dreams either, but at least it had been with the boy he loved. To have Ichigo spout his venom at him like this, while he'd had absolutely nothing to say on the matter of them sleeping together, was tearing him apart.
Uryu was panting hard from pain and stress and tried to get away from Ichigo. Groaning, he used his elbows to turn over onto his side, keeping his eyes on the Substitute continuously, scared he might want to try a different attack.
Ichigo gave a nasty, bruising kick to Uryu's hips and screamed: "Yeah, you get away from me, you coward!" Fuming, the Substitute stopped attacking and howled in frustration, balling his fists.
Uryu slowly dragged himself to a corner of the room. Shivering and moaning from the effort.
"Don't look at me, you gay freak!" Ichigo shouted after him.
Trembling heavily, the Quincy tried to get into a sitting position, slouched against the wall while taking shallow breaths. He faced the wall, as Ichigo had commanded, and with trembling hands he tried to take a look at his injuries. A wavering breath escaped his lips as he realized how serious this was.
This was insane. Ichigo went from holding him, to brutally turning on him.
Szayelaporro was testing his feelings for the other boy. He was sure of it. He still didn't know why, but so much at least was clear to him.
With muffled groans, Uryu tried to tear of his cape. He needed something to staunch this bleeding, fast or… this hemorrhage could be the end of him.
"What the hell are you doing, you gay fruitcake?" Ichigo sneered all of a sudden. "Keep your clothes on! I don't wanna see your scrawny ass ever again!"
Uryu's eyes flew open on a startled shout. Panting hard, he wrapped his arms around himself and tried to refocus his eyes. It was only a memory, he tried chanting to himself. None of that would happen again. They were free of that blasted Espada.
Reaching for his glasses, Uryu held on tight to his blanket and gave himself a few more minutes to shake of the nasty feelings his nightmares brought in their wake. His blanket was his only comfort in his hideout under the bridge, as well as the only thing to keep him warm. The morning air was crisp and thick fog hung over the river.
Turning over on his belly on a grunt, Uryu pushed himself into a sitting position. Thankfully that he'd had the presence of mind to build some sort of sleeping cot with big pieces of cardboard he'd found, so the coldness of the concrete couldn't get to him. Still, it was chilly to sleep under a bridge…
Uryu sighed. It was almost mid-October. What was he going to do when it would get even colder during the night?
As had become his habit lately, he quickly tried to push those discouraging thoughts away. He had to keep hoping his friends would help him out eventually. He had to… it filled him with grief to think otherwise. And given the circumstances were already so hard on him, he couldn't handle that thought right now.
But… Ichigo and Sado hadn't talked to him in weeks. He couldn't even explain his current situation to either of them.
With another sigh, he started his morning routine. It was Saturday and he had a long day ahead of him. He quickly freshened up by wiping his face with a damp handkerchief and put on some fresh clothes. Because of the fog in the morning, it became more and more difficult to wash his clothes and let them dry, but he had no other choice. He'd found some rope inside the storage room at school which he'd put to good use as a laundry line.
It'd be 2 weeks since he'd gotten fired at restaurant Bisque this evening. Of course, Keigo had spread nasty gossip about him and Jacques among their classmates, and he counted on Shingo to have done the same thing. He'd gotten used to all the snickering and whispering behind his back, and the nasty stares, too. Those 2 dorks could tell all they want, their story would leave out the part that their stupid plan backfired anyway.
Uryu felt his stomach growl loudly, but he had to follow a strict diet to make do with his finances. So he reached for the 2 crackers he would have for breakfast. Just the sight of the small and very light meal, not even the size of his palm, made him sigh in desperation.
He had tried to find another job almost every day, but it wasn't easy. His clothes were un-ironed and he had to wash himself in the cold river among other things. He didn't look as well-groomed as he used to, but he couldn't help it. Hardship was a cruel thing…
Uryu couldn't afford to give up his search, but today would be different. As he really needed more food and would soon run out of money, he decided to visit an old shrine a little out of Karakura town to gather chestnuts. It would be an all-day event, as he couldn't use Hirenkyaku and would have to walk all the way there and back. It was almost the end of the season and it was the only place he knew of where he could find chestnuts. The usual shops were obviously selling them, and there was a chestnut farm on the other side Karakura town where you could gather as many chestnuts as you wanted for an entry fee, but… he didn't have money for that. So even if he'd have to take on this long hike all the way to the shrine he knew off, he had no other choice. He had to scrounge every yen for it's worth.
Fully motivated, but with his small pack that only contained two bottles of water, the Quincy got ready for the long walk there.
Panting and groaning, Uryu was almost at the top of a flight of old, stone stairs, that led the way up the mountain to the shrine. It had been years since the Quincy had visited this place, and it seemed like last time, he had either far more energy, or way less difficulties to conquer these steps. That thought pained him. Had he already become so weak after only a few weeks of malnourishment?
Cutting himself some slack when he finally reached the top, he promptly sat down on the final step, breathing hard. Looking down towards the bottom of the stairs, his vision spun from the effort it had taken him to get here and he let himself fall on his back to try and catch his breath. Yes, it was definitely because a lack of food, but he didn't have a solution for that. He reached for one of his water bottles and gulped the whole content down. That should at least help with his blood pressure.
After he'd rested for a while, he sat back up and could only now take in his surroundings. Even though he'd started his hike as fast as possible that morning, it was already passed noon and he hadn't even accomplished anything yet. The rays of sun fell over the lush forest all around him and besides numerous birds, it was a really quiet place. As the traditional shrine was built on top of a mountain outside of town, few people came here nowadays.
A soft breeze rustled Uryu's clothes and hair and he took a moment to gaze around. It had been years, but… this was one of the places where he used to train with his dear departed grandfather. Closing his eyes, a few heartwarming memories of Ishida Souken invaded his mind and made him smile. His grandfather's Quincy training sessions were the reason he knew of this place. And of the chestnut trees here.
With those happy memories encouraging him on, he was eager to start and walked towards the little meadow not far from the shrine.
After a few hours had passed, Uryu wiped his brow from the hard work he'd been doing. He was really hungry and longed for a hot cup of tea and a relaxing bath. Straitening his back on a low groan, he rubbed his stiff shoulders. He'd filled some plastic bags with chestnuts, enough to use them as snacks for a while, besides his daily crackers and senbei. Crouching, he put all the bags into his pack and smiled when the thing was so full he could just zip it up. It was probably going to kill his back on the long walk back to the bridge.
As he was about to hoist the heavy pack onto his back, a loud roar resounded from the direction of the shrine. Uryu swiftly jumped up and looked from between the trees towards the old building. It was a Hollow! And a big one at that, too.
'Damn, not now, not here.'
Those blasted creatures could of course spawn everywhere, but the Quincy hadn't expected one here. Had he still had his powers, he would've been able to sense it coming from a mile away.
All of a sudden a girl clad in a black Shihakusho jumped up from the edge of the staircase and promptly charged the thing, whooshing her Zanpakuto in her small hands as her battle cry cut the silence in the quiet place and made crows and other birds swiftly fly up. Uryu got a little closer and watched from between the trees and immediately recognized Kuchiki Rukia. He had no intention to meddle with her fight, but he couldn't try to get away from the shrine either in case the Hollow would make him a target, and thus an inconvenience.
Uryu watched how Rukia deftly flung her blade around and made the dwindling daylight glitter on the old flagstone floor as she guarded and attacked in sequence. Then, another battle roar broke the silence of the ancient, holy place as another Shinigami joined the battle, wielding an broad Zanpakuto. He'd recognize that voice everywhere.
"Ichigo…" Uryu whispered. He put his righthand on the nearest tree and just watched the fight play out. Rukia yelled something at the Substitute and he changed direction. The Hollow bawled and fired a cero at Ichigo. Smirking, the teen skillfully dodged it before taking on a defensive stance. There wasn't a doubt in the archer's mind that the other boy could take down this Hollow, but it seemed Ichigo was indulging himself a little, visibly annoying Rukia in the process.
Uryu's lips curved into a soft smile as he gently gazed upon the boy he loved. Ichigo hadn't talked to him in weeks and knew nothing of the mess he found himself in. Every time their eyes met at school, he was promptly shot down. That behavior hurt him a lot. Especially in his time of need. But right now, on this sacred ground, Ichigo didn't know he was secretly watching him and the Quincy felt his fluttering heart fill with longing again, taking ample time to just admire the boy. Ichigo's air of a champion, the way he carried himself, but still remained humble, was one of Uryu's favorite characteristics about him.
As the last sunlight of that afternoon gave the Substitute's hair a gorgeous, golden hue, Uryu sighed as his sentiments turned into regret. He wanted to join Ichigo. He wanted to take out that Hollow together like they used to, and make himself useful. His fingers against the tree bark curled into a fist as his aching heart tried to convince him he should let it go, that he had to find his place in this world without his Quincy powers.
But above anything else, he simply yearned for the Substitute… While in Szayelaporro's prison, they'd become so close. It was difficult to go back to being alone all the time. Uryu knew the situation between them was hopeless. Ichigo was never going to return his feelings, but… Although Ichigo had claimed those secret moments they'd shared had all been a lie, he couldn't help but hang on to that little shred of hope that not all of it had been deceit.
He closed his eyes on a desperate sound. "I miss you, Ichigo…" He wasn't going to do anything, though. The Substitute had made himself perfectly clear that night in Orihime's bathroom. He wanted Uryu to stay away from him. Ichigo still hadn't forgiven himself for what had happened to them in Szayelaporro's lab and had a lot of trouble dealing with the aftermath. And out of fear of never gaining Ichigo's friendship back, that was precisely what the Quincy was going to do. Even though he was lonely and was in dire need right now. Even though it hurt him a lot.
Ichigo dealt the enemy a mortal blow and it roared so loudly a few critters in the trees where Uryu took cover viciously jumped and scattered around. As both Shinigami's were wrapping things up, Uryu sighed and hoisted his pack onto his back. He'd follow the dirt trail that walked just behind the tree line alongside the main path of the shrine. He knew a little along that path was a small spring with a stone basin where lone visitors could wash their hands and rest. That small meadow reconnected with the main stairs a little lower on the mountain. He'd wait there until his friends would Shunpo out of there, then take the main staircase down again. They wouldn't see him and it would buy him some time as opposed to just waiting here until Rukia and Ichigo were finished.
Suddenly, he heard the sound of a few branches snapping from behind him and he quickly turned around. After staring at the forest for some time, he sighed in relief. There was nothing. Was he getting paranoid?
Groaning as he readjusted the heavy load on his back, the Quincy glanced one final time in the direction of the Shinigami before he started following the trail to the source. Uryu didn't want to waste any time to get back down the mountain, as he absolutely didn't want to be stuck in this forest after dusk.
When he'd walked for only a minute or two, all of a sudden he heard some snapping sounds behind him again. With a growing sense of unease he stopped. Swallowing, the hairs on his neck stood up, immediately alarming him. No, he definitely wasn't paranoid! Cautiously, he turned around to the loud breathing that came from behind him and stood face to face with another Hollow.
'Shit!'
Nothing had ever been able to sneak up on him like that before. He still wasn't used to the painful fact that without his powers he just couldn't sense anything anymore. He still relied on abilities he no longer possessed!
The Hollow wasn't as big as the one his Shinigami friends were taking care of, but he would be helpless against it either way. Unable to summon his bow, there was nothing he could do to fight this creature.
Swallowing again, Uryu took a step back amidst the trees. What was he going to do now? That time when he had saved that boy, Takeshi, he hadn't even attempted to take one of those Hollow down and he still had gotten hurt. He knew all too well that if Ichigo caught him here, he was going to kill him.
When the Hollow hollered and readied itself to fire a cero, Uryu made a run for it. Although he didn't have his Quincy speed, he was still fast and hoped to outrun the creature on his way to the spring.
Roaring, the Hollow hit a few trees with its searing attack, but Uryu had managed to avoid it by jumping sideways. His movements were a little slower than usual because of the heavy burden on his back, but after all that trouble, he couldn't just leave his precious food here. The Hollow balked and when he looked over his shoulder, he couldn't help but make an alarmed shriek as he saw it dashing after him, working up to fire a cero again.
'Dammit!'
The Hollow fired and Uryu managed to duck in the nick of time before sprinting away again. Birds flew out of the trees, branches crashed about and the creature roared loudly. Okay, there was no way Ichigo and Rukia wouldn't hear this!
The Quincy's breath picked up as he tried to shake off his enemy, but he'd been tired from the start and clearly felt the strain on his body. Suddenly, Uryu's foot hit a long root that had been growing over the trail and made him trip. On a startled shout, he crashed down, hard, and the velocity made him tumble down a few meters before he made an abrupt halt against the wooden post of an old, red tori gate at the entrance of the spring meadow.
Cursing, the Quincy readjusted his glasses and tried to get back onto his feet on a low groan, feeling dazed from the impact. As he willed himself back into action, he made a startled sound as his right leg was suddenly grasped in a crushing hold. Quickly, he looked back over his shoulder and stared into the ugly face of the Hollow. The creature roared menacingly and Uryu couldn't help but cry out in fear as it hauled him off the ground, heavy pack on his back and all.
Uryu helplessly dangled in the air, upside down. The Hollow's sharp claws around his leg, piercing his skin. The heavy backpack painfully pulled his body down and made for a very uncomfortable situation. Uryu tried to get his arms out of it, so he could move better, but right then the Hollow shook him so hard, his glasses dropped from his nose. Then, it reeled him in so close Uryu could smell it's breath as it howled into his face.
His mind immediately jumped back to that one moment the Vasto Lorde had snapped his wrist and held him in the air. And more horrific parts, too. Panic started to spread from his chest and shivers started running up his spine.
Fucking hell! What was going to do now?
As a battle shout escaped his trembling lips, he kicked the thing with everything he had, straight into its face. Again and again. Even when he saw it bring up a dark claw, aiming to strike. Shit. Uryu quickly guarded his face with his arms and closed his eyes for the impact, kicking the monster with all he had left to swing a little sideways and avoid its strike. As he felt a cutting pain flare through his chest, he cried out again. The Hollow had made a few bloody gashes on his upper body, but thanks to his quick thinking, the cuts weren't too deep.
Then, before he had time to think or act, the Hollow brought him closer towards its face and started sniffing him. Uryu froze and panic shot through his body. It now grabbed him with both its claws and smelled his lower abdomen and legs. What was the Hollow doing? He probably smelled different because he was a Quincy without any spiritual pressure.
Or could this Hollow smell residual traces of the spiritual energy of a Vasto Lorde on him?
Uryu trembled in horror as snippets of his fight with Ichigo's Hollow were projected into his mind. He wanted to kick that thing so hard it'd let him go, but it was pushing all the wrong buttons. And when he felt his groin being investigated by the sniffing creature, he couldn't take it anymore.
"Mate! You whore!" the Vasto Lorde started shouting inside his mind.
Uryu screamed.
Helplessly dangling into the air, being smelled like this, his eyes lost their focus and the panic started paralyzing him. "D-don't…" he stammered, but he realized talking to a Hollow wouldn't accomplish anything. He was powerless against it and felt like a coward, shivering like that. Should he scream for help? For Ichigo? How humiliating this whole thing was. In all his life, he never expected something like this to happen. A Quincy being held into the air by a Hollow, like a defenseless puppet. There wasn't a Shinigami alive that wouldn't mock him for this…
He really was beyond all hope…
"Fuck hard! Whore!"
Shivering and petrified he could only watch how the Hollow brought up his claws again, ready for the kill. He closed his eyes, unable to form any more words, unable to do anything. This was it… His friends didn't know he was there. They couldn't even sense him anymore. He would be killed by a mere Hollow and when Ichigo found out he'd been slain mere meters away from him, on his watch, it would devastate him…
"Roar! Zabimaru!"
A familiar voice suddenly yelled and a blade skewered the Hollow through the head. It hollered loudly and released Uryu whom crashed onto the ground, whimpering. He quickly managed to push himself away from the monster a little. And as his eyes tried to refocus, he caught glimpses of the Hollow dissolving into dust, while the long, flailing weapon was retracted.
"You whore! Fuck hard, whore!"
Still very much shaken and terrorized, Uryu collapsed onto his side and tried embracing himself with the hope to make the panic attack subside more quickly. Taking shallow breaths, he had difficulties to try and calm down his pounding heart.
"God fucking dammit, Ishida. That was a close one!" He heard from behind him. Given the name of the Zanpakuto that had just been used, he didn't have to think twice about the identity of his rescuer.
Uryu's voice quivered while he managed: "T-thank y-you, Abarai."
"Are you injured?" Renji crouched beside him, but without his glasses, he couldn't make out the look on the other's face.
"I-it's not that b-bad," Uryu stammered, his speech still slurred. "It just g-grazed me."
Renji let out an exasperated sigh before Uryu felt his hands on him, checking his wounds for himself. A hard shiver rocked Uryu's body on a startled shriek, his nerves still overloaded with panic.
"You idiot…" the Shinigami muttered. "You're lucky these wounds aren't too deep. Here." Suddenly, Renji pressed a piece of cloth against his gashes, making Uryu groan. "I'm not good with Kaido spells, better get Rukia down here."
"N-no…" Uryu tried. "I need to get g-going." His trembling hands searched his surroundings for his glasses, but without success. He needed to get out of here before Ichigo would get worked up over this. Like that other time.
"What the hell are you doing here anyway, you moron? Do you have a death wish?" Renji passed something in his hands while still managing to maintain the pressure on his wound.
On another groan, Uryu put his glasses back on, still trying to shake the panic off. But when his vision cleared and he stared right into the angry look the Shinigami gave him, complete with his fiery glare and disdainful attitude, he felt a little Quincy pride bloom inside him as he countered: "Couldn't you tell? I was playing tag with a Hollow."
He should've known Renji wouldn't care about the state he was in. Besides Ichigo and his ex-father, the red-head was the only one who knew what had really transpired in Szayelaporro's lab, but he seemed to understand as little as Ryuuken had about how those few weeks had ruined him. Instead of trying to help him with his attack, Uryu was sure the Shinigami would give him a lecture.
Renji scoffed. "Have you completely lost it Ishida? You should be grateful that I came to save your sorry ass. Are you suicidal or are you just that dumb to get caught like that by a Hollow?"
'Yep. There it was.'
Pushing up his glasses, he tried to pull himself together as he retorted: "I thanked you, didn't I. Or had you preferred a hug and kiss?"
That look on Renji's face was totally worth it and it calmed his overloaded nerves a little so he attempted to sit back up on a groan, his back against a large stone.
"Shut up, Ishida. I'm not joking around," the Shinigami sneered with an icy glare and deemed it alright to let Uryu's wounds be. "Thank god you were screaming like a girl, or I wouldn't even have heard you."
"Whatever, Abarai."
"I thought I told you last time that you were ruining Ichigo with your reckless behavior. Do you know how he'd react if I'd been too late to save your pathetic ex-Quincy ass?" Renji stood up and sheathed Zabimaru, while giving him a murderous glare.
Of course, Uryu had come to that conclusion himself, but he couldn't help but feel very irritated by all this judgement again. "That thing came after me! I had no intention to-"
"Yeah, sure. You wanted to play the audacious fool again to impress Ichigo. Just like that other time."
"No, I wasn't!"
"Then why on earth would you even be here, in such a desolate place?" Renji looked him over with an icy glare before he suddenly gasped. "Don't tell me you've been following us?"
"What? How could I?" Anger fueled Uryu's legs and he tried to stand back up, with the heavy weight still on his back. Grunting as he swayed, he quickly took hold of the post of the tori gate for support. "You know I can't use Hirenkyaku!"
"Then why are you here if not for Ichigo?"
Uryu knew telling him the truth wasn't going to sound very convincing, but still, he wanted to try. "I was gathering chestnuts." He looked away, unable to face the other's scrutiny.
"Oh, really?" The Shinigami laughed mockingly. "So I am to believe you have nothing better to do than come all the way up here to find nuts? How stupid do you think I am, Ishida?"
The Quincy howled in frustration. "It doesn't even matter what I tell you, you won't believe me either way. Besides, it's none of your business what I'm doing here."
Renji growled. "Oh, is that the way you're gonna play, huh? Alright then."
Pushing himself off on the wooden post after readjusting his heavy backpack, Uryu wanted to get away from there before he lost the last daylight on his way back. He tested his footing cautiously, as his legs felt still weak. "Just leave me alone, Abarai. Think whatever you want."
He needed to walk a little towards Renji to take a smaller, stone path that reconnected a little lower to the main stairs. Suddenly, a vivid flash of light blinded him for a second and he quickly shut his eyes on a startled gasp. The backpack fell from his shoulders and landed on the stones with a thud.
"W-what happened?" he asked himself more than Renji, and swiftly crouched down to investigate his pack. The shoulder straps had been cleanly cut. He didn't need to think twice about what happened. Renji had just used Zabimaru on him. Although with a very targeted aim. Glaring angrily, Uryu spat: "Are you crazy? What if you'd hit me?"
Renji scoffed. "Yeah, like I can't aim well. I'm not done with you, specs. You still need to admit that you've been stalking Ichigo, just like Sado thought."
'What? Not that again.'
"I don't have to answer to you, Shinigami!" the Quincy snapped as he stood back up, his backpack now nestled in his arms. "I'm getting outta here. Find somebody else to harass!"
Uryu walked under the tori gate, determined to leave Renji hanging there. He had no time for this and needed to go before Ichigo found him here. Sighing, he now had to drag that heavy backpack filled with his harvest of today between his arms all the way to the bridge. He was already so tired, why was everything in his life complicated?
Just as Uryu was about to step down a 3-steps staircase, the redhead appeared right in front of his face. He'd used Shunpo.
"Ichigo's wrecked because of you!" Renji shouted. "For the love of god, give him time to recover, man!"
Startled, Uryu took a hesitant step back before his anger flared up again. "I haven't talked to him in weeks! I have done nothing wrong, dammit! I don't have to take this from a biased Shinigami with his head up his-"
On a furious growl Renji tackled him to the ground. The backpack fell to the side and to add power to his actions, the Shinigami deftly planted Zabimaru through it, spearing some of the chestnuts inside.
"You stupid, stuck-up excuse of a wannabe-Quincy! Can't you listen to reason for once?" The red-head promptly grabbed his collar and shook him. "I know you've had your share of shit too in that Sizzel-A-Porn's place, but, come on, man, cut Ichigo some slack. I already told you he can't handle your shit right now. You're gonna ruin him again, if he catches you here, wounded and playing the reckless fool!"
Uryu heard Renji yelling at him, but his words didn't register properly. The man was straddling him while holding his wrists down besides his body and he felt his control slipping fast. His previous panic attack wasn't completely out of his system yet and now came back to assault him in full force. With dilated pupils and overloaded nerves, he felt his body freeze up.
"D-don't…" he stammered, but his words were barely audible under Renji's criticizing lecture. Uryu made distressed sounds and felt cold sweat break out on his forehead while his heart started hammering away. He tried to keep the memories of the assault of the Vasto Lorde, and the recent rape he'd suffered at Kazuma's hands, at bay, but failed miserably.
"If I ever find you trying to take on a Hollow again, I swear I'll-"
Renji continued while Uryu's eyes lost their focus and terror spread from his chest. Suddenly he felt the other guy's groin brush up against him accidentally. He couldn't control himself and screamed! His frozen body started to tremble and his head lolled to the side.
"Fuck hard! Whore!" and "You like that, don't you, little bitch!" started echoing in his brain. Scared out of his mind, Uryu screamed again, unable to form any words.
"The hell is wrong with you, man?" Renji interjected. "Stop this, you're making a total ass out of yourself."
Did that stupid Shinigami seriously not understand what he was doing to him? He had witnessed what Ichigo had done to him, and still…
"P-please…" the Quincy managed to stammer. His tongue felt thick and lifeless and the panic was saturating all his senses in unfiltered fear, as he heard, smelled and sensed the worst of his molestations.
"Gee, I didn't take you for such a wimp, Ishida." Renji's voice sounded from somewhere, but Uryu couldn't see him nor lift a finger against him. The battle in his mind had him completely paralyzed. Even as the Shinigami started to shake him again to force a reaction out of him. "Say something, you asshole!"
"Mate! You whore!" and "You're my boyfriend now." reverberated in Uryu's mind and he was powerless against it.
"Please…" he pleaded again, as he tried holding on to the edge of sanity. Oh, this was so humiliating. He was begging a Shinigami while he was being made fun off, but the desire to get out from under this man was overriding all coherent thought. He could hear Renji, but at the same time he was experiencing too much all at once. Mind controlled Ichigo's threats, the Vasto Lorde's torture, Kazuma's taunts. It was too much to take. Terrified, and still held prisoner by a Shinigami, Uryu screamed once more.
"Man, you are so pathetic, Ishida!" The redhead shook him again, urging him to say something, to react, but he just couldn't. His mind was going to snap under the heavy stress and the hellish nightmares he was reliving. He couldn't get any words out, he just lay there, helpless and terrorized. "Why do I even bother trying to knock some sense into you?"
"Fuck hard! Whore!"
Renji was right. He was probably looking pathetic right now. He didn't get any of the support Ichigo was getting. Nobody cared about trash like him. Nobody understood the way he was suffering. He wasn't even a Quincy anymore. He was nothing. Renji had said those things before.
He couldn't take this anymore…
He was just a desperate, homeless boy that had endured too much in too little time.
Uryu felt his eyes fill with tears he couldn't hold back and as they streamed down his face, sobs started rolling from his lips.
"Ishida, what the…" He heard Renji gasp in surprise.
Feeling forlorn as he was, he didn't care that it was humiliating and shameful to cry in front of this Shinigami. His heart was about to burst and he had no other way to relieve himself of some of the heavy sorrow that attacked him.
"Renji!" A female voice suddenly pierced the loaded moment. "Get off of him right now!"
The Shinigami did as the girl commanded with a startled sound. Although Uryu sensed he was no longer being straddled or held down, the panic was still raging through his body and petrified him while tears continued to spill from his eyes.
"What the hell did you do to him?" the girl asked, angrily.
Renji scoffed. "Nothing really. I was just messin' with him a little, then he completely lost it. Auch! What did you hit me for?"
"For being a total ass, Renji! Can't you see this boy is completely distraught? For someone like Ishida to react like this… I oughtta smack you again!"
"Hey! Stop it, you goof!"
Uryu groaned. He was disorientated and tired and just wanted to sleep. But the demons were still hurling around inside his head. Hurting him. Defiling him. Suddenly, he felt 2 warm hands gently touch his face and wipe the hair out of his eyes.
"Ishida?" the female voice asked him. "Ishida, can you hear me? It's Rukia."
Uryu tried to focus on her and blinked a few times, but the tremors still rocked his body and he was unable to form any words.
"When I got here, he was fucking held upside down by a Hollow! I saved his sorry ass!"
"Be quiet, Renji!" the girl commanded firmly before addressing the Quincy again. "You're injured," she drily stated as her hands slid over his torn clothes and the gashes underneath them. The Quincy couldn't help but shiver at her touch. "Don't be afraid. I'll heal you now, alright?"
Uryu knew this voice, but he still couldn't answer right away, feeling completely dazed. The girl's soft touch started getting warm while she closed his superficial injuries. Trying to refocus, he could make out her petite form and her black Shihakusho from behind a veil of tears.
"Ku-Kuchiki-san?" he asked, uncertain. His eyes were half closed and he was breathing hard.
"Yes, it's me, Ishida. Are you alright?" She gently took one of his hands in hers and squeezed it reassuringly as her other hand glided through his hair, offering the Quincy a beam of much needed support.
Still very much shaken, Uryu felt relief spread through his exhausted body. He still couldn't move for a moment, but Rukia slowly let him get to his senses, while she whispered encouragements to him. The images in his mind were slowly ebbing away.
"What happened, Ishida? Can you tell me?"
"Rukia, I told you he was held in the air by a Hollow!"
"You're not helping here, Renji!" the girl snapped. "Go find out what Ichigo is doing."
Under muttering curses, the red-head retrieved Zabimaru from where he'd pierced Uryu's backpack and dashed away.
The Quincy started to feel like a person again, still basking in the support he was given for once. "…w-was gathering… c-chestnuts…"
"Chestnuts?" Rukia asked. Uryu's eyes glided towards his backpack and she followed them. As she saw the state of his poor belongings, she sighed in exasperation. "Did Renji do this?" Uryu nodded slowly. "Oh, he's such an oaf sometimes!"
He was grateful to Rukia, for she took the time to listen to him and encourage him right now. Even if it was only for a moment, he needed that so much. His limbs started to regain their feeling and Uryu wiped his tears away, embarrassed. "S-suddenly… a Hollow a-attacked me…"
"Then Renji found you?" He nodded to that and tried to get himself into a sitting position. The petite Shinigami let go of his hand and assisted him. "But, tell me, Ishida, why were you gathering chestnuts all the way out here?"
Still feeling lightheaded, he gasped at that question. Having had a complete panic episode in front of 2 Shinigami hadn't actually done wonders for his self-esteem. The way Renji had manhandled him, had delivered a few blows to his confidence to say the least.
But before Uryu could even think about answering that question or make up a believable excuse, he heard:
"What are you doing here, Ishida?"
The cold tone of Ichigo's voice made him tense up in anticipation already. Ichigo was walking towards them, with Renji in pursuit. He inwardly cursed for meeting the Substitute here, as he'd rather not confronted him right now. As tormented as he was right now, he didn't wanted to add anything to Ichigo's trauma. He quickly wiped his eyes again and hoped the other boy wouldn't see the streaks on his face.
"Dammit, Renji," Rukia scolded. "Why did you lead him here after what happened last time? You're so stupid sometimes." Uryu was attempting to get back on his feet with her help.
"Hey! He's just that smart, ya know. He could see right through me."
Ichigo marched over to Uryu, still assisted by Rukia, standing on wobbly legs, and looked him over. When his angry eyes glided over his torn clothes, he cursed before asking: "So, you were taking on a Hollow again? Have you been following us?"
"Okay, I might've spilled some minor details to him," Renji blurted. Rukia growled at that and made the Shinigami shriek.
Frustrated that the Substitute obviously believed Renji before even hearing him out, the Quincy countered: "That's not true! How on earth could I even follow you? You know I can't use… my powers." It wasn't easy for him to admit that last part, but that was just the way things were now.
"Renji said a Hollow had you in his clutches, ready for the final strike. So that didn't happen?"
Uryu hesitated at that. Ichigo wasn't going to believe him, he could already predict that. "Well… no, that did happen, but-"
"I see." Ichigo shot him a furious look. "I thought I told you to stop interfering with our Hollow fights."
"That thing came out of nowhere and attacked me! It could sense I wasn't a normal human being and-"
"More like an idiot," Renji intervened.
"Shut up, pineapple!" Uryu howled, backed by Rukia's evil glare.
"Alright then, Ishida." Ichigo crossed his arms and stared him down. "I'll give you a chance to explain all of this. What are you doing here?"
Uryu's confidence faltered as the icy eyes of the person he loved bore through him. Ichigo wanted him to keep his distance, believing that that would benefit his own recovery. He'd wanted to do just that, even if he could really use a friend right now. Unfortunately, luck was never on his side and now all of those circumstances had led to this face-off. If Rukia was in the world of the living, she must already be staying at Ichigo's house, and there probably wasn't even room for him now. Besides… the way Ichigo acted towards him foretold he would not be willing to listen and this encounter was probably not going to end well. The way he was treated like a pariah, had him hesitating to even bring up his homelessness now. He didn't want to use it as a leverage to force Ichigo. Nor did he aspire to be ridiculed again. If they even believed him…
Feeling disheartened by all of this, Uryu looked away while he said: "I was gathering… chestnuts."
"See?" Renji jeered. "Told ya he was playing it like that."
"Shut up, Abarai! I'm telling the truth!"
Suddenly, Ichigo closed the distance between them and grabbed him by the collar, making the Quincy gasp as his legs chose that moment to desert him and he partially sank down again.
"Ichigo!" Rukia tried to appeal to him. "Don't treat him so roughly, I just healed him."
Unfortunately, Uryu watched in horror how that remark only made the Substitute even angrier.
"I-Ichigo, I…" Ichigo growled at that and Uryu cursed inwardly for using the other boy's given name out of habit. "Kurosaki, I-"
"So, you'll have us believe you came all the way out here to find… chestnuts?"
"Yes!"
"How stupid do you think we are, Ishida?" Ichigo shook him. "You can buy fucking chestnuts all over town right now. Or if you want to gather them yourself that much, you can go to Karakura's chestnut farm. So stop lying to me and-"
"I'm not lying!" Uryu shouted, pushing Ichigo's hands away from his collar and standing on anger fueled legs. "Just look at my backpack over there!"
"Shut up!" Ichigo snarled. "You are just so damn stubborn. You don't want to listen to reason. When is it going to sink into that thick skull of yours that your powers are gone?"
"Why don't you believe me?" Uryu spat back. "I'm not hunting Hollows! It's a coincidence that we're both here! I haven't done anything wrong!"
Suddenly, Ichigo hit him. "Liar! What if one of us isn't around to help you next time? You think I want that? You think I…" Ichigo's face crumbled and he let it drop into his hands.
Stunned silent, Uryu couldn't help but feel helpless at Ichigo's display. This was exactly the kind of reaction he'd wanted to prevent. He knew the other boy wasn't going to take this lightly, but he was telling the truth.
"Ichigo, maybe you should sit down for a minute," Rukia tried, trying to cut through the tension between them.
"She's right, Ichigo. Try to let it go." Renji placed a hand on the Substitute's shoulder, a gesture of his support again, while Uryu had to make do with a resentful scowl. "I already lectured him, but he's just so stubborn. As prideful as a Quincy no less."
"Gee, thanks for throwing me a life-line here, Abarai," Uryu retorted, frustrated. For someone who seemed to constantly tell him to spare Ichigo, he was only making this whole situation even worse.
Suddenly, Ichigo looked up at him and sighed deeply. He stood only an arm's length away from the archer, but came even closer, their noses almost touching. To punctuate what he was going to say, Ichigo took hold of his face with both hands, immediately gaining Uryu's full attention. A powerful longing for the other boy made his chest constrict and the Quincy blushed involuntarily on a wavering breath, remembering different moments when the Substitute had been this close to him.
Unfortunately, Ichigo snapped him out of his reverie with his freezing-cold, brown eyes, that bore directly into his with an intent stare.
"Ishida, I will only say this one more time. I want to keep you safe. I'm trying to keep you out of harm's way, but you can't expect us to protect you every time you do something rash."
"But, Kurosaki, I-"
"Stop being such a burden to me! To all of us! Just stop!"
Ichigo's words cut deep, as they were intended, making Uryu gasp in shock. Ichigo'd hit him directly where it hurt, knowing fully well how someone like him, nurturing the responsibility of a Quincy pride, would react to something like that.
He'd tried so hard to give the Substitute the space he'd hardhandedly asked for, and yet…
A new crack formed in his broken heart and he couldn't hide the hurt on his face. As he turned his eyes downwards and looked away, he felt Ichigo retrieve his hands from his face and take a step back.
"Ichigo! I don't think Ishida is lying!" Rukia snapped. She turned to Uryu and obviously tried to mend the situation by adding: "What he means is that we don't want you to get hurt."
Yeah, that was kind of ironic, as these last few weeks, it had been Ichigo that had hurt him the most. He had tried to avoid him as he requested, hadn't spoken a single word to him before today, but… Uryu felt a whirlwind of emotions surge through him and he had to let some of the steam of the kettle before his heart would explode.
Feeling devoid of any confidence and still looking down, the Quincy stammered: "I-I've tried… to keep my distance, Kurosaki… I did what you wanted but… So much has happened to me and… I can't even talk to you-"
"He's talking to you right now, isn't he?" Renji cut him off, bruising his confidence even more.
"Ishida, stop! Not this again!" Ichigo snarled, having turned away from the other boy. "I know you have a lot on your mind, but I can't help you. I have enough problems of my own to think about. I can't handle your drama!"
Drama? Uryu laughed bitterly. After all that he's been through and he couldn't even say a word about it to his closest friend. The one who'd promised to get him through this. Ichigo didn't even want to listen to him and treated him like crap.
Feeling his desperation stir up anger in his heart, Uryu made fists of his hands, still looking at the ground. He was tired of Ichigo's judgmental behavior. Of all of their criticism. Ichigo was being an asshole and he couldn't be silent any longer!
"You know nothing about my problems, Kurosaki! So don't act so high and mighty!" Growling, Ichigo turned around and shot him down, but this time, the Quincy held his ground, looking equally fuming. "I have been nothing but a friend to you! I offered to help you with what's been haunting you so many times, as I, of all people, am the only one who can truly understand. But you won't even let me near you! I forgave you, dammit! And I know you feel like you failed me, but still-"
"Shut up!" The Substitute howled. "I don't want to listen to this!"
Of course not. That was the whole problem. Ichigo was probably hurting as much as he was, but he masked it with anger.
"No, I won't, Kurosaki! I know you're still very upset about what happened to us, but it's so unfair of you to take it all out on me! I'm suffering too! My life is in shambles-"
"SHUT UP!" Ichigo screamed. Lightning fast, the Shinigami Substitute dashed forward and punched him square in the face and knocked him back so hard he flew down the 3-steps staircase on a startled yelp.
"Ichigo!" Rukia shouted, and rushed to Uryu's side. "Stop this right now!"
Dazed and hurting in various places, Uryu coughed a few times, before he felt the coppery tang of blood in his mouth. As he rolled over on his stomach to try and push himself into a sitting position, a few crimson drops fell onto the stones beneath him. Groaning, he tended to his bloody nose while witnessing how Renji was holding Ichigo back by his wrists before he could do even more damage.
After having a full-fledged panic attack in front of Shinigami, a violent Substitute was the only thing that had been missing from this perfect day.
Ichigo's eyes were positively ablaze and the red-head had to use force to keep him in check. His jaws were clenched tightly and his fists were ready to strike. "You asshole! You don't know anything!"
"Don't let him get to ya, pal." Renji closed his arms around Ichigo, holding him in place while he cursed and fought for his freedom. Another gesture of support Uryu could only dream off.
Rukia helped the Quincy back on his feet and immediately started healing one of his bloody elbows with a Kaido spell. Uryu hadn't even noticed that pain yet, adrenaline from Ichigo's violent punch coursing through his veins. Silent, he took care of his nose, smearing some of the blood on his face in the process.
"Kurosaki," Uryu was unyielding this time, "why are you so dead-set on freezing me out? Keeping me safe, like this, is nothing but torment for me."
"Fuck you, Ishida!" Ichigo screamed again, and Renji had to detain him even harder. "If you hadn't told that fucking Espada how you felt about me, then maybe none of all that would've happened!"
"Ah yes. It's all my fault. Of course!" Uryu glared at Ichigo. "Is coping for you easier this way? By taking everything out on me?"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The Substitute Shinigami was furious, and Renji had to grab hold of him tightly, lest he'd attack Uryu again. "You're so toxic! You just make everything worse! I fucking hate you!"
Uryu sucked in a quivering breath at that verbal blow, while his broken heart took another beating. Ichigo had just completely disarmed him and he was ready to throw in the towel right now.
Rukia went to stand in front of the Quincy. "Ichigo, I don't understand what this is all about, but Ishida is not your enemy." She said. "Try to calm down and focus your frustration on Hollows instead."
"She's right, Ichigo. You've gotta calm down, pal," Renji said. "He's just a pathetic ex-Quincy." The red-head glared at Uryu while stressing the word pathetic. "Let it go. He's not worth it."
Ichigo screamed out of frustration again and because he couldn't get free, he kicked Uryu's backpack in the air. The poor thing started spilling chestnuts all around them as it came crashing down, much to Uryu's chagrin. Then the boy managed to get free and immediately took off in the direction of Karakura town.
Uryu's eyes were locked on his poor backpack and he felt his heart sink. If only Renji hadn't pierced it… he wouldn't have lost a great deal of his gatherings. He sighed as he felt his knees grow weak, but before he had time to sink down, the Shinigami was in front of him and grabbed his collar, as everybody seemed to enjoy doing these days.
"Ishida, for the love of god, man. Have you completely lost your mind? What you did to Ichigo was just… awful!"
"Renji!" Rukia butted in, but Uryu couldn't stay quiet.
"What I did was awful? I just tried talking to him! You all fucking accuse me of lying, of stalking him, of doing whatever, but he's treating me like shit because he can't cope with what he did!"
A sharp sting coming from his blood-smeared cheek told him Renji had just slapped him. "Don't be such a drama-queen, Ishida! I've told you more than once that Ichigo is feeling completely fucked up about what he did and he's right about how you're only making it worse."
"Renji! Put him down, you oaf!" Rukia tried to get a word in between, but it was useless. The red-head was obviously standing up for his wounded brother and wasn't letting up.
The Quincy took another wavering breath, while staring in his angry face. Yes, apparently, he was always acting like a drama-queen. He was trying so hard to get back on his feet after what happened. To survive on his own. He didn't even have a place to stay, nor a friend he could talk to. His whole life was just one fucking disaster, but he couldn't even find just a tiny bit of support. His knees surrendered, however, Renji's firm hold kept him in mid-air.
Feeling the knife of desperation being held at his throat, Uryu's voice broke as he spilled: "Abarai, you know… you've seen… and yet, still… you treat me like this?"
That startled Renji for a second and his angry look slowly ebbed away. Then he sighed and said: "Look Ishida, I get that you're troubled, but Ichigo is my friend. He needs my help."
Uryu's eyes went wide at the unspoken implications and he felt yet another crack damage his broken heart. Yes, that just about summed the whole situation up in 1 sentence, didn't it?
Ichigo was Renji's friend. Their friend. He was not.
He was just a burden.
A mistake Ichigo wanted to leave behind to forget about his darkest of sins.
Feeling emotionally completely spent, Uryu looked away and missed the puzzled look Renji gave him before he let him sink to the ground.
The Shinigami sighed again. "One word of advice, man. If you love him, if you really love him, this is the time where you let him go."
That was just about the only thing Uryu needed to hear that made everything even worse. He just sat there, trying to cope with the drop of his blood pressure, while his emotions wreaked havoc in his mind and heart.
Like he hadn't figured that one out for himself…
He'd tried. Tried to shut Ichigo out. Tried to give up on him as this stupid thing called love had been hopeless from the start. He knew, but… the heart wants what the heart wants. And his heart still yearned for Ichigo…
"Rukia, I'm going after him."
Renji took off and just left him there, suffering, on the verge of another breakdown. Feeling more alone than he ever had. Uryu felt his eyes fill rapidly with tears, the heartache he had to sustain had just become unbearable. He knew he had to get down the mountain, knew he wouldn't be able to make it back before it got dark, but his body felt lifeless and his mind was going to explode. Soft sobs found their way out from between his trembling lips and he couldn't prevent the hot tears from spilling from his eyes.
Why did it have to be like this? What had he done to deserve all of this? He was just looking for his place in this world. He just wanted to belong somewhere, to somebody…
A year ago, he would have just punched Ichigo equally into the ground. He would've kicked Renji's ass for acting like a moron. He wouldn't have let their name-calling and criticism get to him. But… what was left of all that Quincy pride now? What was left of him?
Suddenly, he felt a gentle squeeze in his shoulder and gasped in surprise as he looked up into the compassionate eyes of Rukia. He'd completely forgotten about her. Embarrassed she had to see him like this, twice, he quickly tried to wipe his tears away.
"Are you alright, Ishida?" Well, obviously, he was not, but she was only trying to get the conversation going, that much he understood. Uryu turned his eyes down again, unknowing what to say to her. "I still don't know what's happened between Ichigo and you while you were imprisoned, and I won't press you to tell me either, but I can see it is making you suffer a lot…" She squeezed his shoulder again in reassurance, while he was still wiping his eyes. "I'm probably not the right person, but… if I can help you with something, or if you ever need a listening ear, know that you can come to me."
That surprised the Quincy. Especially after everything that went on today. And he was grateful to her, but there was little Rukia could do for him without involving those two oaf brothers.
"T-thank you, Kuchiki-san. That's kind of you, but… I don't think your boyfriend will like that idea. Just like Kurosaki doesn't want me to talk to Inoue-san," he answered wearily, still looking down.
Yes, he needed help. He needed a place to stay. He needed someone to help with his trauma. He needed to hear that someone cared, but… he couldn't possibly tell her what happened in Szayelaporro's lab. What would she think of him? What would she think of Ichigo? The substitute was one of the persons she cared for the most, as did he. And that was if she would even believe him…
"B-boyfriend?" the girl suddenly squeaked and got so red steam was almost coming out of her ears.
"Well, yeah… Aren't you and Abarai… umm…" At the look she threw him, Uryu promptly shut up. If he'd not been feeling as bad as he was, he'd have chuckled at the sight. Those 2 acted almost like a married couple sometimes, so he'd just assumed they were together.
Rukia cleared her throat. "R-right. But anyway, you really were here to gather chestnuts, weren't you."
Uryu sighed as his eyes glided over his backpack again. "Yes, I was, Kuchiki-san. I really did not follow Ichigo. Nor did I want to take on a Hollow."
"Yeah, that already sounded far-fetched, but those 2 can be so thick headed sometimes."
"Tell me about it…"
"Is there really nothing I can help you with, Ishida?"
"Well, it would've really helped if you could use Shunpo to get me back to Karakura town, but…"
She blushed vividly again at that and muttered: "Sorry for being so small. I can't carry you."
That made Uryu smile a little, which was good for his overloaded nerves. "It's alright. I'll manage."
Seeing him smile brought on a smile to her own face. "Oh! I know!" She suddenly exclaimed and started Shunpo-ing all around him.
"Kuchiki-san?" Uryu asked, a little bewildered.
"Here." Her smile had gotten even bigger when she showed him her arms full of chestnuts. "Ichigo had kicked these around. I got as many as I could."
"Oh! You're wonderful, Kuchiki-san!" Uryu smiled. "At least, this whole day hasn't been for nothing thanks to you." She'd just warmed his heart a little and they gave each other a genuine smile as he helped her put the chestnuts in his torn bag.
"I have to go now," she said. "I have to make sure Ichigo and Renji are behaving. But remember what I said, Ishida. You can talk to me if you need to." With that she turned around and dashed in the opposite direction with a word of goodbye.
Uryu sighed. He took a bottle of water from his backpack and drank it to help with his blood pressure. With the holes in his pack it was going to be very annoying to carry it down all those stairs, especially in the dark. He was starving, but he didn't have anything with him except for raw chestnuts…
Taking the stone path back towards the endless staircase in front of the shrine, he sighed again. He didn't dare to linger here any longer. He'd already wasted so much time playing around with those Shinigami. He was not going to make it back before nightfall… That thought already made him anxious, as he wasn't that familiar with this location and the poor light would definitely play tricks on his eyes.
As he started descending the stairs as fast as he could, carrying a load of chestnuts, his shoulders slouched at the sight of the setting sun, making the sky all shades of red. It was a view he used to enjoy, but feeling the way he did right now, there wasn't much left to appreciate. He needed to make haste, hoping he could still make it to the base of the stairs before it was completely dark. Praying there weren't any Hollows around anymore…
Uryu was thankful tomorrow was Sunday and he wouldn't have to get up early. After an exhausting day like this, he could really do with some extra rest.
Carrying his burden as well as he could, he started the long descent home…
