TESTING

Izuku stood in an empty white room. A hole opened overhead, and the latest IPhone was lowered down on a rope. The moment it came within ten feet of him, the phone exploded into a million pieces.

"Perfect!" the phone engineer said.

"Can I eat the pieces?" Izuku asked.

"After testing."

One wall rolled up, and the latest Toyota design barreled towards Izuku at highway speeds. The front crumpled like an accordion, but Izuku didn't budge an inch. The test dummy inside was bent at a sharp angle, but sensors indicated it was still alive.

The car engineer and hospital supervisor both shook hands.

An intern wheeled in an inkjet printer. He plugged it into the wall, waited impatiently as the machine warmed up and demanded a fresh cartridge of cyan ink. After making sacrifices to the gluttonous deity of printing, the intern sent it a document and sprinted out of the room.

The printer dutifully spat out half a page, then flashed warnings for low magenta ink and left the rest blank. The printer sputtered, and sparks flew from it. It groaned and wheezed as a second, unbidden page burst forth from it, ink dripping red and saying in scrawled text, "Kill me."

Once the page fluttered to the floor, the printer violently heaved, belched crimson ink from every nook and cranny, and fell in a heap of warped plastic and shattered metal.

The printer's designer checked the readouts on ink usage. "Only a forty-two percent increase. Back to the drawing board."

"And lastly," the facility's director called out, "Two new wall materials for the government's underground bunkers. Please give them a full work-up."

"Understood," Izuku said.

Two walls rose from the floor. As Izuku approached the first, chips flew off its surface, and cracks ran down its length. When he touched it with a single finger, it crumbled to dust.

The second wall didn't twitch when Izuku looked at it. He ran a finger along its surface, and not a single atom moved out of place. He gave it a light punch. It didn't make a sound. Izuku tried biting it, and shattered teeth tumbled from his mouth.

Izuku shot plasma at it. As the plasma scattered and faded away, a single spot on the wall glowed slightly.

Cracking his knuckles, Izuku said, "Initiating maximum destructive capabilities."

The director called for an immediate evacuation. Scientists and engineers ran screaming from the building, and air raid sirens blared across the city.

From the facility came a muffled *whump*. The ground shook. Birds took off squawking, and dogs howled across the country.

When the researchers finally worked up the nerve to return, they beheld a flat patch of scorched earth. At its center, the only two things still standing were Izuku and the bunker wall.

"What the heck did you make that thing out of?" the facility director asked the materials engineer.

The engineer smirked and said, "Old Nokia phones."

Izuku bit into the softened bunker wall. "Mmm… tasty."

499

All for One: *punches Izuku with everything he has* Why. Won't. You. Die?!

Izuku: mmm… phone tasty