Family Dispute Chapter Two
The next morning, Jeremy was awakened by the smells of coffee and bacon. He had managed to get a little sleep after a second dose of Laudanum. He tried hard to go to sleep without a second dose, but the voice just wouldn't stop.
Joshua cooked some biscuits along with the bacon. Both brothers demanded that Jeremy eat at least a few bites of breakfast. Jeremy had no appetite, but it was easier to go along with them rather than argue.
When they finished breakfast, they packed their gear and headed home to Seattle. Jason and Joshua talked about the logging camp, the weather and a real upcoming buying trip. Jeremy didn't have much to say.
"How are you feeling today, Jeremy? You are not talking very much." Jason asked.
"I'm not feeling too good. It was hard for me to sleep last night. I had to take two doses of Laudanum to fall asleep." Jeremy answered.
"Did you have nightmares?" asked Josh.
"No, but…" Jeremy stopped talking.
"But, what, Jeremy? You need to tell us." Jason encouraged.
"Yeah, Jeremy, the three of us shouldn't have any more secrets." Joshua added.
"Well, I heard yelling at me like he did when he was hunting me. It frightened me and made it hard for me to sleep." Jeremy answered.
Jason and Joshua brought their horses to a halt. Jeremy stopped too.
"Jeremy, that is very serious. Has this happened before?" Jason frowned.
"Yes, a few times. I asked Dr. Wright about it. She said it happens sometimes when people are trying to stop using Laudanum. She called it a hallucination."
"Do you always hear him saying the same thing?" Joshua wondered.
"No, at times, the old man says you can't pay me back! Get that through your head!" Jeremy told his brothers. "Other times, he says S-S-Seattle's that w-w-way! You c-c-could make it in t-t-two d-d-days! But you w-w-won't!"
Jason gritted his teeth. A low guttural sound came from his throat. He despised that Sargent for causing Jeremy so much pain. Joshua reached over putting his hand on Jeremy's arm.
When the Bolts got home, they put up their gear. Jeremy told his brothers he was going to talk to Candy.
"Aren't you going to get cleaned up first, brother?" Josh asked.
"No, Josh, I just want to talk to her right now. I missed her and I have a lot to tell her." Jeremy replied.
Jeremy walked to the dormitory. Biddie answered the door. She looked a bit surprised at his disheveled appearance, but she didn't comment. She went upstairs to tell Candy Jeremy was there to see her.
Candy came downstairs in a few minutes. They went out on to the porch. Candy reached to hug him.
Jeremy backed away from her. "I don't want to get your dress dirty."
Candy was surprised at his reaction. "Jeremy! I don't care about my dress. I love you and I want a hug. Besides, you look like you need a hug."
"I sure do." He stepped forward opening his arms wide. They locked arms in a tight embrace. Candy felt the tension draining from his body. Jeremy's breathing slowed for a few moments. Then he was wracked with sobs. Candy felt his tears pouring down her shoulder.
Candy clutched Jeremy as tightly as she could while she whispered in his ear. "It's alright, sweetheart. Whatever it is, it's alright. I love you."
Jeremy cried for a few minutes. When his tears were ending, his breathing became ragged, and his body still trembled. He tried to pull away from Candy.
"She whispered "No, let me hold you while you are shaking."
Jeremy leaned into Candy laying his head on her shoulder again. Her warmth and her sweet scent helped him to calm down. Soon he stopped trembling, and his breathing was normal.
Candy guided him to the bench, and they sat down. Very quickly and very quietly, Biddie stepped out and handed Candy a light blanket. Biddie went back inside.
Candy spread the blanket over herself and Jeremy. They sat for a few minutes without talking. He had his head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through his hair.
"Candy, I need to talk to you. It's important." Jeremy said in a low voice. His head was still on her shoulder. He clasped her hand in his.
"Okay, Jeremy." Candy drew a deep breath. She was worried. "Do you want to take a walk and talk as we go?"
"No, Candy, this is serious, and I don't think we could focus enough if we took a walk. Let's go to the cabin. My brothers will give us some privacy. Besides, they already know all about it." Jeremy explained.
"Oh, dear God, Jeremy! You are sick, aren't you? I have noticed that you have gone to Dr. Wright's office a lot lately. I haven't said anything before now because I knew you would tell me if there was something to tell. That's what this is about, isn't it?" Candy was scared.
Jeremy sat up. He looked into Candy's eyes. "I'm not exactly sick, but I have been seeing Dr. Wright for the past few months."
"Months?! Why would you see the doctor for months if you are not sick? Jeremy, please tell me the truth!" Candy exclaimed.
Jeremy stood up from the bench. "Candy, I'm telling you the truth. Come on, let's go to the cabin where we can talk in private. I don't want to discuss this on the street."
Jeremy offered his hand to Candy. She took his hand and got up.
Candy looked at him. "Does your losing weight have anything to do with this?"
"Yes, it does. That's part of the reason I have been going to the doctor." He answered.
"Okay." Candy whimpered. She put her arm around his waist.
Jeremy placed his arm around her shoulder, and they walked to the cabin.
When they got there, Jason and Joshua agreed to give them some privacy. Jason said they would go to Lottie's for an hour. Jason saw the look of fear in Candy's eyes and the exhaustion that was written all over Jeremy. He was concerned about them being alone too long right now.
Before the two brothers left, Josh gave Jeremy a hug and patted Candy's hand.
"Would you like some coffee?" Jeremy asked nervously.
"Yes, let me make it, please." Candy replied.
After she got the coffee on, Candy sat at the table next to Jeremy.
Jeremy looked her in the eye. Dear God, he dreaded for her to hear all of this.
"Candy, this is going to be hard for you to hear. But we love each other so you need to know." Jeremy said.
"I want to know, Jeremy. I want to help you. It's important that we share everything not just the pleasant parts of our lives." Candy replied.
"I agree." He said.
Jeremy told her everything beginning with how Sgt. Todd hunted him like an animal. Candy cried and shouted angry words about Todd. Jeremy told her about the nightmares and his being unable to sleep which led him to go to the doctor and to begin taking Laudanum. She was frightened when he told her about him taking too much medication and about some people dying from taking too much. Jeremy told her about working with Dr. Wright to taper off the Laudanum. He explained about hearing Todd's voice.
Candy told Jeremy about the nightmare she had where it was very dark, and she could hear him calling her. She said that in the bad dream, she knew someone was going to kill him, and she was trying desperately to find him and save him. Candy told him when she found him in the nightmare, someone was about to shoot him, and she woke up screaming begging the man not to kill him. She told Jeremy that she knew now the night she had the awful dream was the night he was handcuffed to the wagon wheel. Jeremy said he was sorry that she had the nightmare. Candy told him she could understand why he went to the doctor and took medication to try to stop his nightmares.
Finally, Jeremy told Candy that he had gone to talk to about what happened in hopes of that helping him to make peace with it. But instead, he ended up killing Sgt. Todd in self-defense.
When Jeremy stopped talking, they were quiet for several minutes. Candy got up from the table. She checked the coffee and found that it was ready. She got the cups and the sugar. Candy poured a cup of coffee for each of them and set them on the table.
Candy sat down again. "Jeremy, I'm sorry that you have been through so much. I'm trying hard to be calm. However, I am so upset and frightened. Now let me make it clear that I am not upset with you. I love you and I will help you. I just wish you had told me sooner and not tried to cope with all of this alone."
"I was hoping that it wouldn't be difficult to stop using the medication and I wouldn't have to bother you with all of this." Jeremy replied.
"Jeremy! You are not bothering me when you tell me about your troubles. I want to know if you are upset or frightened or sick. I love you and want to help you. How can I help you if I am unaware that you need help?" Candy inquired.
"That's true. I guess I just want to be the one to help you and to protect you from the bad things in life." Jeremy looked at her sadly.
"You help me and protect me, sweetheart. You really do. But you shouldn't do that to the point of going without help when you need it." She told him.
They were quiet for a little while. They finished their coffee and went to sit on the sofa.
"Jeremy, I have an idea. May I discuss it with you, please? Will you hear me out without getting angry and without saying no right off?" Candy said somberly.
"Alright, Candy, I will listen to your idea." Jeremy was worried.
"Thank you. I want us to get married right away. We could get Rev. Adams to marry us if you want. What I thought would be nice would be for us to let Clancy marry us on his ship since that's where we met and fell in love." Candy's eyes were shining. "We don't need to have a big wedding. Just your brothers and our close friends. We could live in your parents' old cabin. I just think it would be a good idea for us to get married soon."
"Candy…..." Jeremy spoke very softly. "You're afraid I'm dying, aren't you?"
She hung her head for a minute. When she raised her head, tears flowed from her eyes. "I'm sorry to say so, but, yes, I am. Look at yourself, sweetheart! You are horribly thin. You can't sleep. You have a problem with a dangerous medicine that has killed people. You think you hear the voice of a dead man. When I was a teenager, I used to hear my mother and her friends talk about people they knew who had some type of wasting away disease that the doctor couldn't treat. They would say poor Frances is wasting away to nothing or isn't it awful about Mabel, she is suffering so and there's not a thing the doctor can do!"
"And you think poor Jeremy is on that list now." Jeremy tried to suppress a smile.
"Jeremy, please don't make fun of me. The way I'm saying this might sound silly, but I'm worried about you! I was thinking that if we got married, that would give us a stronger bond and give me a tighter hold on you. I don't mean that in a bad way. I feel like this medication is some kind of disease causing you to waste away. It's taking you away from me and I won't let it! I'm going to hold on to you as tight as I possibly can!" Candy sighed as she wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
"Sweetheart…" Jeremy was cut off.
"And another thing, if we got married, we could make love. Some of my married friends in New Bedford used to talk about how relaxing sex is. I was thinking if we had sex every night and it helped you relax, maybe you wouldn't have those nightmares anymore. That could make it easier for you to stop taking Laudanum." She blushed a little.
"You seem to have developed this plan very fast. I just told you about everything that's happened or that's going on." Jeremy told her.
"I didn't come up with my plan today. I started thinking about it when I realized you were going to see Doctor Wright a lot and I got scared that you were seriously sick. There's something else too. If we were married, I would be with you at night and I could help you if you had a nightmare. I could comfort you and help you not be frightened." Candy explained. "Another good thing is with all that sex; we would probably have a baby before too long."
Jeremy grinned. "Probably."
Jeremy got up from the sofa and stretched his arms over his head. He went to the stove and got Candy another cup of coffee. He took it to her and sat down on the sofa again.
"Sweetheart, I love you. I want to marry you and make love to you and have babies with you. But I want us to do those things because we love each other not because we are afraid." He told her.
"Jeremy, the reason I'm scared is because I love you so much. The thought of losing you terrifies me." Candy said sadly.
"I understand, Candy. But Dr. Wright is helping me, and my brothers are demanding that I eat. Plus, I know a beautiful woman who wants to make love to me, so I have great incentive for getting well." Jeremy smiled.
Candy smiled at her sweet fiancé. "Speaking of making love, if you want to, we can go ahead with the love making. I'm serious, Jeremy. We are certain that we want to marry and spend the rest of our lives together. So, I see no reason to wait."
"Candy, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I want you so much. I also want to treat you right and I want other people to treat you right as well. What if you got pregnant? Some people would say cruel things. It would break my heart for you to be hurt like that." Jeremy put his arm around her.
"That's very gentlemanly of you and I love you for it. However, I care more about you and about us than I do about the opinions of two old crones. Not only am I willing to have sex with you before we marry, I want too. Will you consider it and let me know, please?" Candy gazed into his eyes.
"You really mean that, don't you?" Jeremy's eyes were shining with tears.
"Yes, I mean it. I love you Jeremy and I don't want to wait any longer to show you how much I love you. If in the course of us expressing our love for each other, we are blessed with a child, I will consider myself the most fortunate woman in the world." She whispered softly.
Jeremy got up from the sofa. He took Candy's hand, and she stood up.
"Come here." He said in a husky voice. She put her arms around his neck. Their lips touched in a deep passionate kiss. When their kiss ended, both of them were breathing hard. Candy's body was covered with goosebumps.
Jeremy whispered sweetly in her ear, "I will think about it."
Candy sighed and shook her head. "Jeremy!"
"I love you, Candy." He grinned.
Jeremy walked Candy home to the dormitory. They agreed to see each other tomorrow.
After he left the dormitory, Jeremy went to Lottie's. Jason and Josh were getting ready to leave. Jeremy walked back to the cabin with them. When they got home, he told his brothers that Candy had wanted them to marry right away when he told her what was going on regarding Todd and the Laudanum. Jeremy did not tell them that Candy wanted to start sleeping with him.
Jeremy went into his bedroom to take a nap. He took a small dose of Laudanum. He fell asleep in just a few minutes and slept without having nightmares. Jeremy slept for several hours. When he woke up, it was almost time for supper.
"Jeremy! Come eat supper! Candy brought your favorite fried chicken." Josh called to him.
"I'll be there in a minute, Josh!" Jeremy answered.
Jeremy went to the washroom where he washed his face and hands. He put on a clean shirt and combed his hair.
He joined Jason and Joshua at the supper table. The fried chicken smelled delicious. Jeremy ate a drumstick. He couldn't eat anymore.
Jeremy propped his elbow on the table and put his face in his hand. As he began crying, he said, "Maybe Candy is right."
Jason and Joshua stopped eating. "Right about what,Jeremy?" asked Jason.
Jeremy looked up at his brothers. "Candy is scared that I'm dying. Maybe she is right."
"No, Jeremy. You aren't dying. Candy is worried because she loves you. Sometimes women's emotions get, you know, sort of mixed up and they say stuff like that. It doesn't mean it's true." Josh told him.
"I know you're right, Josh. I guess since I slept better this afternoon, I thought my appetite would be better too." Jeremy replied.
"Recovery is a gradual process, Jeremy. At times, it is one step forward and two steps back." Jason reminded him. "Try not to get discouraged."
"I will try, Jason." The youngest Bolt answered.
After supper, Jason was reading some Shakespeare. Jeremy asked him to read it aloud. Joshua rolled his eyes. Jason commented that it was nice to have one brother who was beginning to appreciate the finer things in life. Joshua teased that Jeremy probably thought it would help him sleep.
"Okay, baby brother, confess. Why do you want to hear Shakespeare tonight?" Jason smiled.
"Well, I want to hear it because the sound of my oldest brother's booming voice makes me feel safe and loved. And because irritating my next oldest brother just makes me happy." Jeremy said quietly.
Joshua got up from the table where he had been reading the newspaper. He sat down with his brothers on the sofa. Jeremy was in the middle. Joshua put his arm around Jeremy. "I love you, brother."
"I love you too, Josh." Jeremy replied.
"A man couldn't ask for better brothers. I love you both." Jason said.
"We feel the same about you, Jason. We love you, brother." Joshua said.
"Yeah, what Josh said." Jeremy added.
Jason began reading Macbeth.
Later that night, Jeremy woke up in his bed. He had fallen asleep on the sofa and Jason had put him in his bed.
Jeremy got out of bed. He undressed down to his long johns. He took a small amount of Laudanum.
Jeremy got back into his bed. He tried to go back to sleep. When he still awake a half hour later, he began singing softly.
Suddenly, Jeremy heard that awful voice. Sgt. Todd said, "Kill the red-haired girl."
Jeremy broke out in a cold sweat.
