AN: Hey! Back with chapter this the shortest chapter I've ever written. Not really much to say. Anyways, enjoy.
Guest: Persona V is great, loved it.
Third Person POV:
Darkness was the first to make it to Kazuma's room, Aqua was close behind. She carefully opened the door, careful not to make any noise incase the sleeping vail failed.
She tiptoed over to Kazuma's and found Chomosuke rolled into a ball on top of his blanket. With great ease she carefully picked her up.
"Reow?" Chomosuke was woken up. The cat wiggled out of her grip and landed on her feet.
Aqua came bursting into the room holding the pink choker. "Hey Darkness! Did the vial work?"
"HISSSS!" Chomusuke hissed at the intruder before walking out of the room, presumably to do more cat things. What a sassy cat.
"Who do you think you're hissing at like that you dirty feline?!" Aqua angrily shouted at the cat, waving an arm in the air like a madwoman. It seems the innermost psycho revealed itself for a moment there.
"Quiet down Aqua! You might wake up Kazuma!" Darkness urgently shushed her.
"Calm down! The vial is supposed to put him under a deep sleep, nothing will wake him up until at least morning." Aqua walked over to Kazuma and started poking his cheeks, then pinching, and finally giving them a firm tug. Kazuma didn't stir in the slightest. "See?"
"A-Alright then."
"Now one last thing… *Click!* Now let's get this show moving! Speed-Up!"
Meanwhile in the hallway, Megumin was finally catching up.
"Meow?" She just so happened to cross paths with her ex-familiar(pet).
"H-Hey Chomosuke, did you sleep well?" Megumin went to reach for her, bracing herself to get scratched or some sort of hostile response.
The cat pranced it's way over to the outstretched hand.
"Purrrrr~" And started nuzzling against it, emitting the same purrs of comfort she made when Kazuma pampered her.
"She didn't scratch me..?"
That's when it hit her. A cold feeling of shame and regret struck Megumin hard. Only one name came to mind:
"Kazuma…"
Kazuma POV:
It's so cold… Face itchy… Light too bright… Need, warm, comfy, blanket… Now!
I quickly turned my head to the side.
CLANG!
"OW! Fuck! Damn it!" I stood up and massaged my poor head. "The gate..?" I looked around. "-Huh?! What am I doing outside?!" I looked around my surroundings, it didn't take long to figure out that I was outside the mansion gate on the street, still in my tracksuit as well.
Wait a second..!
!
I'm going to kill those two!
With the speed of sound I got up and went to the gate.
CLANG!
Locked.
I went to the nearby bush and fished around for the secret key I kept just in case I needed to sneak in after a late night drink. I flipped a little rock around and found what I was looking for, the key to the gate, wrapped in a green cloth.
With great urgency I inserted the key to the gate.
Click! Creeeek!
The gate unlocked and I bolted straight to the front door.
I'll teach those two not to mess with me! I'll show them hell this time! Not even hell! Satan himself would be afraid of what I'm going to do with them! HAHAHAHAH! I CAN SEE IT ALREADY!
"Oh please Kazuma-san! I'm sorry! Just please stop this at once! I'll do anything you ask of me!" Imaginary Aqua cried out!
"I promise to never do such a thing again! I have learned my lesson!" Imaginary Darkness pleaded, not a single sign of arousal present!
They'll be begging for me to have mercy, but I won't! That'll teach them not to mess with the guy who fantasized about these extremely specific scenarios for entertainment back in Japan!
I reached the door and started banging on it.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
"OI! Get your asses out here! NOW!"
BANG!
"Quiet down already! It's too early for this!" Aqua's head popped out of the window above me.
"YOU!" I angrily shouted.
"What about me?" She sassily said.
"Why the hell did I wake up OUTSIDE!? WHERE THE HELL IS DARKNESS?!"
"Here I am." A head of blond hair popped out the same window.
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I was asleep the entire night." The blue haired bastard replied.
"I have the slightest clue as to what you're referring to Kazuma. Although it does seems like you woke up out here." The imposter of a maiden said.
Playing dumb are we?!
I took a couple of deep breaths to calm myself down.
"DON'T PLAY THE STUPID CARD!" It didn't work.
"LOOK WHAT I HAVE HERE!" I held up two strands of hair. A blue strand shining bright in the rays of the sun, and a golden strand glistening in the wind.
They both flinched a little! Honestly I'm surprised they could even see it.
"S-Stealing our hair now huh? You really are climbing the ranks of the 'Pedo-NEET' system."
"H-Honestly I'm more ashamed of myself for not noticing such crude acts happening around us."
"Cut the crap already! YOU moved ME outside, DIDN'T YOU!? I DON'T EVEN SLEEPWALK!"
"You can't prove anything!" Aqua yelled.
"Maybe it's time we tell him already, Aqua?" Darkness said.
Finally!
"Ugh- Fine but you tell him."
"Gladly." Darkness cleared her throat. "You see, Kazuma, we decided to return the favor and give you a little ultimatum ourselves. We're kicking you out of the mansion until we decide we're satisfied. We're also going to be exploding all of your belongings as well, including those magazines you're so fond of."
Have fun trying to find those.
"That's right you tell him Darkness! Oh!- Don't even try to get in! We made sure it's impossible for you to break in. We replaced all the locks and I made an extra powerful barrier." Aqua pridefully said.
"Hey can you show me the keys real quick?" I asked.
"Huh?- I won't make a rookie mistake like that! These keys are always with me no matter what!"
Just what I needed to hear.
"Steal!" I yelled out, truly proud of my genius.
…
..?
Nothing happened. Not even a flash of light or anything.
"T-The hell!?"
"Fufufu~ it seems you've noticed what I've done. You see, even I can be helpful at times! Unlike that snowflake Eris, I can get my hands dirty when needed."
There was a faint red glow coming from my neck, the door infront of me had a red hue to it as well.
Th-The choker… Megumin… Explosion..! Darkness mentioned explosions… God… Damnit…
Dread enveloped my entire being in a cold sensation.
I put a finger to my neck and sure enough, the impossible to remove choker was on me. The lack of Megumin only fueling my nervousness.
"…How." Was the only word I can mutter.
"That's a secret!" She winked at me.
"Oh, and one last thing, Kazuma. I pulled a few strings and now this mansion is listed under my name, the police won't be of any use to you this time." Darkness giggled.
"I'm going to strangle you!"
i made a mad dash to the side of the mansion.
"You might want to stay there."
TSSSSSSS
"AGHHHH!-" I was stopped by an invisible barrier powerful to burn me!
"Told you."
I stood up from the ground after experiencing excruciating pain.
What the hell?!
"I said I set up a super strong barrier, didn't I? I made this one specifically to keep out devils and NEETs like you. No one but me, Megumin, and Darkness can get in here without my permission. Now get out of here and shoo! I don't have time to be talking to you NEETs like you when I should be finding your stash of magazines. Get out!" Aqua left the window.
"I'll be taking my leave as well. I'll see you in, hmmm, 2-3 months? Farewell Kazuma." Darkness left and closed the window.
"Screw you assholes! I'll teach you not to give me ultimatums!"
I'll make all three of those girls suffer.
Creeek!
Someone opened up a window.
Huh?
I looked up and saw my black cloak from yesterday get thrown from a different window.
Creeek!
The window was quickly closed.
I caught my cloak.
!
There's a note attached to it. It read; "Sorry I couldn't stop them, I grabbed your money for you, it's in the pocket. I'll be waiting for you, sorry I couldn't do anything else for you. Please be safe out there and try not to be too harsh on those two.
-Megumin"
I couldn't help but smile. I won't have to deal with explosions any time soon.
As expected of the woman I fell in love with.
I left the mansion, cloak on, note in hand, and with a new mission in mind; To make those two pay!
…Hmmm- Thisfeels strangely familiar. Anyways-
I'll make sure to engrave this lesson into their dumb brains! "Don't mess with the man who believes in gender equality!" If a female pulls something off like this, I won't hesitate to strike back!
First things first, this stupid choker.
At Wiz's(Vanir's) Shop
"Uh, are you all right?"
Standing behind the counter was a severely shattered Vanir, pieces of his earth body were crumbling and there was some smoke lingering around him.
"Yes Moi is quite fine indeed valued brat, thank you for noticing." He responded in a sarcastic manner.
I had successfully arrived at Wiz's Shop without getting manhunted. Turns out not having any blue haired individuals next to you makes you a whole lot less suspicious. Enough of that-
I approached the counter, the smell of burnt dirt getting stronger.
"Hey… can you get this choker off me? It backfired."
Vanir made an amused face and made a triangle with his fingers.
"Ohoho! It looks like the mighty Toilet Goddess managed to overwhelm the poor thing and it fell right off. Now it's on thou's neck, but fear not as Moi can get that pesky thing right off. But first dear customer, Moi will only take it off if you make a deal with me. Usually Moi is not the type of devil to pull things like this off, but Moi have an offer you simply can't refuse!"
This damn devil!
"…What exactly do you want?"
"Come now, no need for such hostility! Have a seat, the shopkeep prepared some tea before leaving, hopefully it's not expired by now."
"…fine." I took a seat by the window and Vanir joined me and served some tea.
"You see boy, I have been struggling to feast on negativity ever since the shopkeep left as she is Moi's main and favorite source." He did a pained pose, raising one arm up and the other covering his mask. "Moi has looked everywhere for something or someone to produce the right type of negativity Moi desires; Shame, Embarrassment, and Frustration."
"Great, so what do you want from me?"
"Hohoho! Patience brat! Moi is getting to it. Moi has been experimenting with negative food sources and have found myself the perfect person to use! Can thou take a guess at who?"
"-Uh, is it-"
"Wrong!" He rudely cut me off! What a bastard!
"It's none other than that blue haired Goddess you live with. You see, every day, usually in the early hours of the morning, Moi would head off to that household of yours and break in! I would cause slight inconveniences to her daily life. You yourself might've noticed these things, for example, the toilet always breaking in the most inconvenient times! Every time she would go and fix it, I would break it again the next day! Every day the moniker of "Goddess of Toilets" gets closer and closer to becoming a reality!" Vanir laughed wildly like a madman!
"Wait a damn minute! It was you who clogged the toilet!?"
"Yes! And the emotions produced by all your party members were simply divine! Literally! Moi would hide one of my spy dolls in places not even that hound could reach and simply wait outside, waiting for the moment that they fall prey to my trap!" Vanir joyfully giggled.
I don't know how I should react to seeing Vanir act like this…
"Once they have fallen prey, the negative emotions they release were exquisite! I have come to enjoy their emotions the best out of everyone I've tasted so far!"
"Again, what does this have to do with me, other than the- Hey! How'd you get in the mansion!? Aqua put a barrier to keep devils out!"
"Oh that fragile thing?" He chuckled. "Moi just went through the weakest point of it, it was extremely easy to pinpoint. Moi would get in, do what was needed, leave the barrier, and wait outside to feast on the emotions." He pridefully laughed. "Did you really think that an amateur can make a barrier to keep me out?"
This guy literally trolls for a living! I'm even getting internet troll vibes from him! Scary! Too scary!
"So… what did you need me for?"
Vanir cleared his throat, "Unfortunately that amateur gained a massive surge of power after the fall of my old employer. She used that power to create a new, more powerful barrier. Unfortunately I hadn't foreseen this and attempted to enter with only my earth body. You can see the results for yourself." As if on queue, multiple shards of dirt fell off his suit.
"Moi has effectively been cut off from my food source, and any other source won't do. Moi has been getting cravings lately. Maybe that lich is rubbing off me more than I like it to."
?
As if sensing my confusion, Vanir continued. "Moi will put it bluntly as your impatience is bothering me, brat. Moi will need your aid to help Moi satiate this bothersome craving."
My help? Why?
"Wh-" He cut me off again.
"Your crusader and arch priest have thrown you to the curb this morning and ever since then Moi has been sensing your desire for revenge. A strong one at that. Our goals align quite nicely, don't you say? Thou get to have your revenge on those who wronged you and Moi gets to be satisfied. Worry not, Moi will provide you with special aid that'll certainly help thee. Moi will throw in a bonus since Moi is feeling extra generous this time; Moi will house you in the back room. Thou can take Wiz's room. So what does thou say, boy who daydreams about niche and unlikely scenarios like this?"
W-WIZ'S ROOM?! OH MY GOD. HELL YEAHHHHH!
"You drive a good bargain devil. O-Out of curiosity, what other benefits will I gain?"
"Moi can sense your excitement, brat. I'll just throw in a 5% discount on all purchases made for the duration of the deal. Is that enough?"
I get to have my revenge and teach those girls a lesson, all the while living in Wiz's room! Who knows what kind of stuff is in there! But a 5% discount is just lame.
"We have ourselves a deal!"
Me and Vanir shook our hands.
"We have ourselves a contract by proxy. Thou can trust Moi, us devils keep our promises. But thou didn't need to be told that again, right?"
"…Right. Can you get this choker off me? My neck is starting to itch."
"Don't be an impatient brat, it- ohoho! Well! I'm sensing an overwhelming amount of holy energy! Give it here will you?"
Vanir tapped the choker twice.
Click!
And it unlatched and fell right into his palm.
"Seriously? That's it? That was anticlimactic as hell! Why do you guys sell the lamest crap ever!?"
"Moi has no intention of ever buying useless things like this, please blame that lich and her atrocious financial management."
Vanir inspected the choker at eye level and deviously grinned.
"My, this is quite unexpected but this would be an immense help."
"Did something cool happen?"
"Yes, something "cool" happened. But I'm afraid thou is going to have to wait to see. …Hmm? Oi, brat. Do you still have that limited edition Vanir mask I gave you? The one thou has used to charade as the 'Masked Thief'? Moi has an idea." He said in the most casual tone ever.
-Crap!
"How the hell do you know that I'm the- actually I shouldn't be surprised." I sighed. "You are the 'All-Seeing Devil', if anything it's on me for not figuring it out earlier."
"No need to worry, Moi has no interest in exposing your identity, it would be bad for business if thou were to get executed. As for your accomplice, Moi wasn't able to use foresight on him. It seems he truly is a deadly force to be reckoned with if he can block my foresight."
Right, Vanir can't use foresight on anyone stronger than him, or Goddesses.
"Now, follow me brat, it's time to show you thou's living quarters." Vanir walked into the back. "Hurry it along."
Wiz's room… Fuck yeah. I'm going to have such a fun time living here… Hehe. My mind couldn't stop itself from going into the gutter.
I walked past the counter and into the back of the store. It was surprisingly well lit, there were boxes all around the floor, all in an organized manner. On one side of the room were the boxes, on the opposite side was a table with alchemy equipment. Directly in front of me was Vanir, with a table on one side of him and a sink on the other. Behind Vanir was a short hallway, he descended into it and I followed suit.
The hallway made a left, on the right was a door which was labeled "Exit".
"We use that door to get quick access to the alleyway dumpster in case one of Wiz's products go awry." Vanir explained.
"Can you guys do anything right?"
Vanir ignored my comment and continued down the short hallway. We stopped, there were two separate rooms on the side of us and two doors in front of us. The room to the left was a small space with a sink, fridge, and a small table in the center. A small window let light into the room. There was a candle, the only candle in the room on the table.
Maybe I should only pay Vanir from now on.
"Do you guys eat in the dark?"
"No, Moi and the shopkeep can see very well in the dark. Instead the shopkeep uses that candle to heat up her food and other appliances that need fire."
"Please manage your finances better."
The other room to the right of us was smaller than it's counterpart. It was a workshop of some sorts, various gadgets being present on a table.
"This is Moi's workspace, do not go near it unless thou wants to be slowly deatomized." Vanir warned, his voice lacked any sign indicating that he was joking!
Vanir continued and stopped in front of the twin doors. One of them had a picture of a cutesy ghost wearing a flower on its head. Safe to say that room belonged to Wiz. The other one had no labeling or picture on it, presumably Vanir's room.
"Thou will be staying in this room." He pointed at the ghost room. "If thou has a need to use the restroom, it is right there." He pointed at the blank door. "Thou has no reason to worry as I have not tampered with the toilet here! Hoho!" He laughed.
That laugh isn't helping at all.
The thought of Vanir wrapping plastic wrap around the toilet pops into my head.
"Hohoho! These negative emotions upon sitting down on the toilet and finding yourself in a trap will be exquisite!" Imaginary Vanir gleefully laughed.
I shivered at the thought of me falling victim to Vanir's toilet prank.
This guy is a real life troll! It totally falls into his character too! An Archduke of Hell is a troll for a living! This world never seems to stop subverting my expectations and I hate it! Please give me back my fantasy life!
"Moi has a lot of work to do regarding this…thing. Thou hasn't eaten anything yet, correct? Thou should probably go out and stay out of sight when venturing into the town. Moi will inform you when our time to strike has come."
With that, Vanir left to his work station. He could be heard excitedly laughing to himself.
I turned to Wiz's room.
The time has come, the time for me to invade Wiz's private living space!
I turned the handle.
*Rattle*
…No, it can't be…
*Rattle*
…NoOooO
The door was locked!
Oh well.
"Unlock."
*Rattle*
…
NOooO!
Anguish and despair washed over me.
"HAHAH!" Vanir's laugh can be heard from here!
Damn that devil!
AN: It's done, next chapter is when some real action starts, look forward to that releasing in the coming weeks. Vanir saying "Moi" every sentence was odd to write, Im considering just making him talk like everyone else. I tried a new writing style but tried not to change much. Once again, feedback is welcome. Until next time.
