AN: Thank you so much for the reviews, it really makes my day. Enjoy.
I can't get my leg to stop shaking. My nerves are shot, there's no way for me to hide it, and it's not until I feel a hand ln my bouncing leg that I finally look over at my coworker.
"You are shaking the entire desk. What's got you so shook?" Zeke asks.
I sigh and try to focus on the monitor in front of me, where I've been obsessively watching the internal cameras for any sign of Eric. He was scheduled for a meeting with leadership today, where I knew he was planning on having an honest discussion about returning to the job that almost cost him his life, and I'm worried.
"I'm fine." I lie and Zeke physically turns my chair towards him, forcing my eyes onto him instead of the cameras near the leadership hallway.
"You're not fine, and the last time we let you lie to us about being fine I had to stop you from jumping off a building," He replies harshly and I cringe, "I know you don't want to hear that shit, and I promise you I don't say it to throw it in your face, Tris. I treat you like family, and with my family relationship comes tough love. You're gonna talk to me about why you're obsessively looking for Eric. Is he regressing? Are you?"
"No."
"I need more than a no, Tris. I need to know what's got you like this." He presses.
"Zeke-"
"I'm not taking no for an answer. Talk, now, and if not to me then we'll get Myron on the phone." Zeke insists.
"Eric was involved in the war. I lost my entire family in that war." I reply nervously.
"Willingly?" He asks and I shrug, "Okay, let's say he was willingly planning the war, you suspected this before."
"I did." I nod.
"Okay, and with those suspicions you still fell in love with him in Milwaukee." He retorts.
"Because it wasn't him." I admit without thinking and Zeke sighs.
"Okay, we need to unpack that, Tris."
"Zeke, I didn't mean it..."
"No, that's not true, is it?" He looks at me sternly and I sigh, "You need to talk to me."
"It sounds worse than it is."
"Okay," He nods at me, "can you tell me what it means then?"
I take a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to reel all of the words I just said back, but meeting the brown eyes of the man who once saved my life makes me realize he deserves more.
I can do this.
"In Milwaukee, Eric didn't have the hard edges he has here. He was everything for me in there, Zeke, and yeah I knew the person he was before the wipe was likely involved with the war at some point, and I still fell for him."
"Okay... so you fell for the memory wiped version of him. It's not unusual, he's a good looking guy, who had no idea what an asshole he once was, and you needed something familiar to hold on to." Zeke reasons.
"He was so different in Milwaukee." I admit.
"And you're not sure you can love the person he is today?" Zeke asks.
"I know it seems like I shouldn't love him now, but I do. I've told him repeatedly that I still love him, and even though he's told me everything that he was involved with, I promised him I wouldn't stop loving him. Am I an idiot?"
"You and I both know that Eric has done some fucked up shit in his past, Tris, but he helped with the factionless situation we currently have. Maybe I had some doubts, thinking we were allowing the lion in with the lambs, but Eric jumping right in to stop Evelyn proved something to all of us." He replies.
"Does that mean that you trust him?"
Zeke shrugs, "I think so. He may still have asshole tendencies, but he's also different somehow. Not as closed off. I don't know Tris, I just don't get a bad feeling about someone who's tried so hard to do the right things once he realized he'd done some fucked up ones. I also may not trust Four when it comes to not stealing my woman, but as a leader he's solid. If Four can trust Eric, why can't we?"
"This is such a fucked up situation." I shake my head.
"You're the closest person to him in this faction. Should we not trust him?" Zeke asks and I massage the bridge of my nose with my forefinger and thumb.
"Zeke, I'm doing my best. Every part of me wants to believe that he'll be okay, and that he'll be able to fight any temptations that come along that would lead him down a bad path again. He's made me a promise that he'll never do anything to hurt me, and I'm trying to believe that."
"But you have reservations." Zeke adds and I meet his eyes.
"Yeah. Maybe." I nod.
"You're making good decisions. I trust you." Zeke tells me and I smile.
"That means a lot."
The badge reader for our door beeps and we watch as Tobias and Eric walk in. Tobias looks briefly between Zeke and me, but he turns to Zeke and asks him to alter Eric's security access and his badge. I smile briefly at him for choosing to work with Zeke instead of defaulting to me, and he smiles at me in return. They may never be as close as they were before, but I'm proud of both of them for trying.
"Hi Tris." Eric says as he sits next to me, wheeling his chair as close as he can get to me and pulling me to his lap.
"Eric!" I scold him quietly, but he just chuckles as I look around at our staff who all make an effort to pretend like they're not watching Eric and me, but fail miserably.
"When do you get a break?" He asks.
I shrug and he threads a hand in my hair and pulls my face closer to his, teasing me by barely brushing his lips over mine. I'm pleasantly surprised by his light mood, and when I nip at his lower lip I hear the slightest moan from him.
"Don't start something you can't finish." He says softly, "Have lunch with me?"
"I could probably do that." I reply and he kisses me again, before resting his forehead against mine, "I take it that the conversation went well."
"It was difficult, but yeah. Everything is out in the open." He replies quietly.
"Everything?" I ask and he nods once, "And?" I prompt.
"I can do light duty starting immediately, but nothing more until this comes off." He knocks at his air cast, "And you heard my physical therapist, I have a few more weeks at minimum."
"When have you ever listened to your physical therapist?" I smirk at him.
"I've not picked you up and fucked you against a wall like I've wanted to for weeks now." He rubs his nose against mine, "That qualifies as listening."
"They can hear us." I remind him.
"I don't care." He replies before kissing me again. We've not had sex since being back in Dauntless, but right now it's everything I can do not to drag him home and throw him down in bed.
But, we still need to talk.
"Is that the only limitation?" I ask.
"No." He replies softly, "All of the surgeons need to release me, both the chest and the leg. I also will need Myron's sign off, especially since they now have additional details about my initial cooperation."
"Do they know everything?" I ask.
"Everything," He replies, "just like you. No more secrets."
"Eric, here's your badge." Tobias says and Eric simply holds his hand out without moving away from me at all, "I'm sure you already know how it works."
"Mmmhmm." Eric hums in the affirmative while kissing my neck and I can hear Zeke's low chuckle. Eric leans back only slightly and glances over at Tobias, "We done here, Four?"
"Yeah, unless you want to come back and shadow for a bit."
"I will later. Right now I'd like to take my girlfriend to lunch. You good with that, Zeke?" Eric asks.
My stomach flutters nervously at hearing him call me his girlfriend, and Zeke smiles at us, "Yeah, all good here boss. You two take the time you need."
I move off of his lap and reach out to him, helping him off the chair while staying out of the way of his clunky air cast. Eric doesn't drop my hand, instead saying his goodbyes as he walks with me out of the room. His thumb traces lightly on the back of my hand and he glances over at me.
"Feel like an apple fritter?" He asks.
"You liked that place." I raise my eyebrows at him and he smiles.
"The salad was good. The coffee too. Do you want it or not?" He asks and I laugh as I nod my head, "Don't gloat, Tris. It's not becoming."
"Noted." I grin at him and he shakes his head but grins back.
We placed our order and found a booth with a little privacy. Eric slid in next to me, and he's spent most of the time peppering my face, neck and lips with kisses.
"I'm not going to take the head leader spot." He whispers before he drags his lips to the sensitive spot behind my ear.
"What? Why?" I ask.
"Four's doing a good job. We still need to find Evelyn herself, and I don't want to stop the momentum he and the team have already built." He replies, "Besides, I'm not ready for the responsibility."
"Was that your decision or theirs?" I ask as I pull away from him slightly and he sighs.
"Mine. I need to make peace with who I was before, and to do that I also need to ensure that I won't make some of the poor decisions I did in the past. You were right to be concerned, because in putting unnecessary pressure on myself I was heading into dangerous territory." He admits.
I thread my fingers through the messy curls he's allowing to grow out again, "I'm so proud of you."
"I want you to be. The memory wipe let me be someone different, and from what you, Myron and my own journal have told me I'm capable of being that again." He replies as he twirls my hair around his fingers.
Our order arriving interrupts our conversation, and we move onto lighter subjects as we eat. He tells me he'll take over his old office, even though he was given a choice to move into one of the bigger ones, he just wants the privacy and familiarity it brings him. He asks me about my recent promotion in the control room, and I ease into a good conversation about my career path.
When he's walking me back to the control room, he tells me he'll go shadow Tobias until I'm off work, and when he presses his lips to mine I feel his tongue teasing until I allow him entrance. We continue kissing until one of my employees walks down the hall clearing their throat but Eric doesn't move away from me.
"When we're off work will you come with me to look at apartments?" He asks me and I'm caught off guard by his question. His silver eyes don't leave mine and he moves one hand from my waist to cup my cheek before he kisses me softly again, "They have a few of the leadership apartments left since there are some people who were just holding the position temporarily. I wanted to make sure you liked whichever one we end up with so Four's going to give us first dibs before he fills any of the others."
"Us?" I ask and he frowns at me.
"Yeah, us. We're together, right?" He asks.
"Eric, we've not had that conversation at all." I remind him and he furrows his brow.
"You don't want to be my girlfriend? You don't want to live with me?" He asks.
"We've not talked about any of that." I argue.
"We've been living together ever since I was shot." He retorts and he backs away from me a bit, "You don't want to be with me?"
"I didn't say that. I just feel like we need to have a conversation before we jump into this. I've lived with you to help with your recovery-"
"You sleep in my bed. You kiss me, you touch me, we go on dates... I get that we've not had sex since coming back but I was giving you time and space to be ready for that again-"
"So you don't think I'm ready for sex yet but you think I'm ready to move in with you?" I ask.
"We already live together, this isn't you moving in with me. You already did." He replies and I cringe at his tone.
"Eric, I need to get back to work. I'll come with you to look at apartments, and maybe we can talk more then?" I ask and I can tell he's frustrated with me, but he surprises me by taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly instead of reacting.
"I'll pick you up at six." He says and leans towards me for a kiss, which I easily give him.
I move my hands to his cheeks and hold his face close to mine when we break apart, "I'm not saying no."
"You're not saying yes, either." He replies and I wrap my arms around him.
"I just want to be sure that we're on the same page before we take that step." I offer hesitantly. "We've not really talked about what we're doing here." I remind him.
"I love you." He says quickly and I gape at him. Before I can say anything else, the door opens and Zeke pops his head out.
"Sorry for the interruption, Four is looking for you Eric. He says it's important." Zeke says and Eric nods once before pressing his lips quickly to mine and then making a hasty retreat.
I stand in the hallway, watching him walk away, and he glances back over his shoulder and smiles briefly before he's gone.
"You okay?" Zeke asks and I nod.
"I am, yeah." I smile at him and he grins back before holding the door open for me to enter.
