The Wild Wild West
The Night of the Magician
By Lucky_Ladybug
Notes: The characters from shows are not mine. The other characters and the story are! I have wanted to tell this story for years, but always hesitated. The plot never felt fully fleshed-out. Then I re-watched the Mannix episode The Playground and the rest of it all fell into place. This takes place in my time-travel verse, where there's a portal connecting the Old West with the present-day and Jim and Arte can pass freely back and forth. Characters from the Poisonous Posey and Sudden Plague episodes are also around and some of them are allies of Jim and Arte's. Also, favorite old shows of mine that do not need to be period pieces will mildly cross over. Ray Norman is from the Cannon episode Hear No Evil. Mitch Cantrell is Robert Conrad's character in The Playground, so of course there will be in-jokes about him and Jim.
Chapter One
Los Angeles, present-day
Jim West folded his arms and watched as Artemus Gordon leaned forward at the table in Ray Norman's recreation room at the Oak Bridge Golf Club, making notes and working on charts. He had been hard at work on that ever since the disaster with Dr. Loveless and Tycho had ended. Even though it had had a favorable outcome, Artemus wasn't willing to chance that another episode with a supervillain coming through the portal would end just as favorably. He wanted to close it off to all but a few before it could happen again.
"So, Arte, are you any closer to figuring out that special door and key you were talking about?" Jim spoke at last.
"Just about," Arte said with distracted pleasure. "Once I fix up that portal, only a select number of people will possess the keys to make it open. Then we won't have to worry about Dr. Loveless or Tycho or anyone else coming through and terrorizing the people living here."
"Unless they're already here," Jim remarked.
That brought Arte's attention up with a start and a scowl. "James, don't say things like that!" he scolded. "You'll have me in nightmares for weeks!"
Jim shrugged as he turned to walk away. "I just thought it was something we should be thinking about."
"You think about it, Jim. I've got other things on my mind." Arte immediately went back to his charts.
Jim left him alone and headed into the corridor. While he had encouraged Arte in figuring out how to close off the portal, Arte had thrown himself full-force into the task. He had been very disinterested in everything else ever since, even the continuing exploration of the modern world. Knowing how Arte got whenever he was inventing something, Jim had accepted that he would largely be on his own for a while.
Jim and Arte had experienced the strangest things all throughout their tenure as President Grant's trusted Secret Service agents. They had witnessed, among other things, mad scientists bringing people back from the dead, the philosopher's stone turning objects and people into gold, and bitter Confederate soldiers mastering time-travel. But when Dr. Faustina had decided to revive Lucrece Posey's entire gang, the immense energy involved had eventually torn a hole through space and time and connected Justice, Nevada circa 1874 with Los, Angeles, California circa 2012. Ever since then, Jim and Arte had been having strange adventures in both time periods, not the least of which had been stopping Dr. Loveless and Tycho from decimating the modern city.
It was also strange, Jim reflected, that some of their old enemies were now allies. Coley Rodman and Lafe Morgan from the Sudden Plague case had both helped them a great deal and were trying to live honest lives working in Ray Norman's golf club. And traitorous Snakes Tolliver, who for a while had desperately tried to rid both times of the Posey gang to keep himself alive and out of their furious clutches, had in the end nearly sacrificed himself to stop a doomsday plot. He, also, had decided to try to go straight, albeit his occupation of choice was professional gambler and dealer at a casino in nearby subdivision Gardena, where casino-style gambling was legal. Lucrece Posey and the rest of her gang from the Poisonous Posey case refused to go straight, but for the moment they were laying low, at least.
It hadn't been that long since the defeat of Dr. Loveless and Tycho, who had escaped back to the 1870s following the destruction of their plot. Jim and Arte hadn't gone home since then, feeling it was imperative to both times to seal the portal to all undesirables first. And so here they were, with Arte occupied in his task and Jim wandering the halls.
He wasn't expecting to nearly plow into Ray Norman, the owner and manager of Oak Bridge, as he came in the opposite direction with a newspaper he was entranced by. "Whoa," Jim exclaimed, taking hold of Ray's shoulders. "What's got you so interested?"
Ray jumped a mile. "Oh! Mr. West. I'm sorry. When I saw this story in the paper, I knew I needed to show it to you and Mr. Gordon immediately." He held it out and Jim accepted.
"I'm afraid Arte's not going to be able to focus on anything other than his invention for the portal for a while," Jim said as he turned the paper around. Then he could only stare.
New Movie in Works Based on Early Secret Service Agents
The article went on to describe plans by Majestic Studios to make a film based on some of the known adventures of Jim West and Artemus Gordon. An actor called Mitch Cantrell, one of Majestic's biggest draws, had been cast as Jim West. Another actor, an unknown, would have his first big break playing Artemus Gordon. The script was being described as an adaptation of one of Jim and Arte's clashes with Count Manzeppi and filming was already underway.
The article also mentioned that this would be the third time Jim and Arte's adventures were brought to life in some form. In the 1960s there had been the television series The Wild Wild West, and in the 1990s, a movie attempt that had by and large bombed.
"Strange, isn't it," Ray exclaimed.
Jim handed him back the newspaper. "It's something to think about, that's for sure. What do you know about the actor playing me?"
"Oh." Ray shifted, looking embarrassed. "Well, he's . . . highly talented. . . . He's already had experience playing in Westerns. . . ."
"I mean his personality," Jim prompted. "What's he like?"
"I've mostly heard rumors," Ray stammered. "The media doesn't always report things like they are."
Jim just stared him down, deadpan. "That bad, huh?"
Ray sighed. "He has a wild reputation, you're right. He rides his motorcycle and his dune buggy all over the studio lot, ignoring the signs to not go faster than 8 miles per hour in some areas. He knocks over anything in his path without caring about the destruction it causes. And he's left a trail of broken hearts a mile long. One woman even killed herself over him. That part isn't just a rumor," he added. "And he certainly didn't seem to care about it."
"You never know what a man might be really thinking," Jim said. "I think I'd like to meet him."
Ray looked worried. "Are you sure that would be a good idea?"
"Most people by now know or at least suspect that time-travel has been going on," Jim said. "When Dr. Loveless and Tycho held Los Angeles hostage in their zeppelin while Dr. Loveless was waiting for me to come, it would have been almost impossible not to come to that conclusion."
"I guess you're right," Ray sighed. "I've certainly seen the tabloids talking about it. But they always report things wrong and sensationalize them anyway."
"Legitimate newspapers reported on the airship incident too," Jim said, "and at least one of them did their homework and wrote all about Dr. Loveless's place of origin and his grudge against me. I wouldn't be surprised if that's why they're doing this movie right now, to capitalize on the publicity from that."
Ray sighed. "So what do you plan to do?" he wondered. "Just walk up to Majestic Studios and say that you want to see their star player?"
"No, I think I'll walk up to Majestic Studios and introduce myself," Jim replied.
Ray glanced over Jim's shoulder. "What about Arte?"
"I'll tell him about it when I get back," Jim said. "Arte's much too involved in solving our portal problem to be bothered about trivial things such as another movie being made about us. By the way, what was the first one like?"
Ray cringed. "I think you're better off not knowing."
"I'll probably hear about it anyway," Jim pointed out. "The news will be comparing this one to that one."
"True." Ray sighed. "Well, the worst thing about it was that they portrayed you and Arte as not trusting each other and turning everything into a competition. It was an attempt to show your first case together, but it still wasn't very flattering. And there was a Dr. Loveless in it, but he wasn't anything like the one we've dealt with."
"And they went overboard with the weird technology," Coley Rodman said suddenly from behind Jim. "Dr. Loveless's pet invention was a giant robot spider that could be ridden in."
Jim looked unfazed. "That's different." He started to walk past, then paused again. "How did the actors look?"
"Not like you guys," Coley said instantly.
"One thing I have to say for Mitch Cantrell," Ray said, "is that he'll look much more like you than Will Smith did."
xxxx
Out of all the places Jim and Arte had visited on their trips to the modern world, movie studios had been among them on one of the more peaceful occasions. Ray had taken them and Coley on a tour of some of the most popular studios in Hollywood. Majestic had not been one of them. Now, as Jim approached and saw a huge poster of Mitch Cantrell smiling for the camera, he had to wonder if that had been the reason why. Perhaps Ray had felt they just weren't ready for a near-perfect double of Jim.
Jim hadn't quite known what to expect at the studio. He hadn't even been sure they would let him in. But the guard took one look at him and immediately lifted the bar across the entrance, exclaiming, "Oh! Come right in, Mr. Cantrell!"
"You've got it wrong," Jim protested as he stepped through. "I'm James West."
The guard laughed. "Of course, Sir. They're ready for you at Stage 13."
"Isn't that bad luck?" Jim quipped, deciding it was better not to continue arguing the point. It would all be straightened out soon enough.
The guard looked amused, but waved him on. Jim went, glancing at the numbers on the buildings as he sought the right one. Soon finding the one with the number 13 painted on it, he stepped inside.
"Alright," an unfamiliar voice echoed through the room. "Now, this brawl scene has to be larger than life. We're giving a nice nod to the old Wild Wild West TV series here. Break furniture! Break the bar! Do anything crazy like that. Manzeppi's men will go to any lengths to get West and pry the chicken from his grasp."
Curious, and raising an eyebrow, Jim drew closer. With the mentions of Count Manzeppi and a chicken, it sounded like they were adapting the Feathered Fury case with some dramatic license thrown in. The brawls during that venture had been on the Wanderer and in Sharff's toy store.
"Do you want to keep in that bit about me swinging on the chandelier?" another voice piped up.
Jim walked faster. It sounded a little like him, only not as deep.
"Of course we want to keep that bit in, Mitch!" the first voice cried. "It's the coolest shot in the scene. But it's supposed to be your stunt double handling it, not you!"
"Let's live a little," Mitch said. "I can handle it just fine."
Now Jim was close enough to see the people talking. Mitch would be impossible to mistake; not only was he dressed in clothes similar to ones Jim owned, his appearance was similar to Jim's in general. It didn't take a lot of stage makeup to make him fully presentable for the part.
The sound of Jim's footsteps on the hard floor finally caused the consulting pair to look up. "Oh!" the first man exclaimed. "You must be Mitch's new stunt double."
"No, actually," Jim quickly inserted before he could be asked to leap off the set's balcony onto the chandelier dangling over the make-believe saloon. "I just came to watch. You see, I'm the real James West."
Dead silence reigned for one long moment. Jim could almost imagine the crickets chirping, like they always did in those old cartoons he had found on television late at night.
It was Mitch who broke the silence with a raucous laugh. "James West, really? So those time-travel stories in the paper are really true, huh?" He didn't give any real indication of whether he believed them or not. But he strolled over, one hand extended, and continued, "I'm telling you, it's a lot of fun playing you in this movie. You really led an action-packed life. The only problem was that you never lived for yourself; it was always to save other people."
Jim disliked Mitch quite instantly. "And you're saying that you've always lived for yourself and no one else," he deduced, not offering a hand to shake.
Mitch wasn't bothered by that. "Of course," he said airily. "That's the only way to live and really be happy."
Jim stared at him without moving. "It's also a great way to lose friends all over the place."
Mitch spun away. "You know, you remind me of someone else I met once. He was just as much of an altruist as you are."
"Mitch! If it hadn't been for him, you would've been killed!" the first man scolded. Jim had a feeling this guy was extremely long-suffering.
"I could've made it out without him," Mitch replied. "But let's forget about that. I've got a scene to do and a brawl to win. Stick around, Mr. West. Tell me what you think of my performance." With that he strolled over to the bar and took a small toy chicken out of his vest pocket.
The first man ran a hand over his face. "I'm sorry, Sir," he apologized. "Mitch always speaks his mind, no matter how often I tell him he must use some restraint."
"It's alright," Jim said. "I always speak my mind too."
"I'm Gary Lindsey, the director." He held out a hand to shake.
This time Jim accepted. "Out of curiosity, do you really believe I'm the real James West?"
"Of course!" Gary chirped. "I was there in the crowd the day you stopped Dr. Loveless from destroying the entire city. This movie was in the planning stages at that point. Seeing you gave me the inspiration to plunge ahead and insist on it being rushed into production. I hope you don't mind."
"I'm flattered. But there's a lot of my cases available to the public now," Jim said. "Why did you specially choose this one?"
"It's a great story," Gary grinned. "A mysterious toy chicken that actually holds the fabled philosopher's stone and can turn anything to gold, even people? That's the stuff of legends, fairy tales. This movie's going to have a Halloween release, you know. It's perfect for the season!"
"I can't deny that," Jim admitted. "But this scene didn't happen on that case." He nodded to where a bartender was getting into place to examine the chicken Mitch was holding up.
"Oh, that's artistic license, you know," Gary said. "And the need to stretch out the story. The old TV show told it too, but this movie will run more than twice the length of that episode. Some of the early scenes will show Manzeppi's quest for the stone, how he got it, and how first Mr. Sharff and then his niece Gerda took it away from him in its chicken guise." He grinned. "And the prop there, you see it?"
"I sure do," Jim said. Really, he knew it was ridiculous, but he was getting a very strange feeling about that prop. Even though he couldn't see it well from this distance, it looked so familiar.
"It's the same one they used on the television show," Gary said with pride.
"How you got it would make an interesting story in and of itself," Jim remarked. "Since this is fifty years later."
Gary nodded. "I'll be happy to tell you, Mr. West, but right now we need to film this take. Please do stay and watch, as Mitch suggested."
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be right now," Jim answered.
The scene was an interesting one, although not accurate to the case. Mitch, as Jim, had come to the bar that Count Manzeppi's men frequented in the hopes of either finding them or getting someone to tell him what was so important about the toy chicken. The bartender was no help, but Manzeppi's men were among the patrons. An all-out free-for-all ensued. Tables, chairs, and people flew around the set. Mitch eventually ran up the stairs, punching a guy out of his way, and leaped off the balcony to grab the chandelier.
Jim tensed as he watched. It was a very dangerous stunt. He himself had fallen from a chandelier during the Fugitive case. But Mitch came down without any problems, clunked the two goons' heads together, and calmly walked out the door.
"Cut and print!" Gary yelled. "Mitch, that was perfect!"
Mitch grinned, pleased with himself. "And what did you think, Mr. West?"
"I think it was foolish not to let your stunt double handle the chandelier bit, but overall you managed not too badly," Jim said. "Although knocking Dodo and Luther together is a little on the corny side."
Mitch laughed. "This movie's bound to be corny. It's a big action flick, but it's also paying homage to the 1960s TV series. That thing was often corny."
"In a lovable sort of way, of course," Gary hurriedly added. "Have you ever seen it, Mr. West?"
"A couple of episodes," Jim said vaguely. "It was a strange feeling, watching someone play me and experience what I experienced."
"It would be," Mitch said. "I wonder if anyone will make a movie about my life someday." He smirked. "If they do, they'd better ask me to come play myself. Not that I'd necessarily accept, but I should really be the first choice. After all, no one knows me better than me." He folded his arms. "How do you think I handled playing you?"
"Not bad, but considering that most of this scene was a brawl, that's not really saying much," Jim deadpanned.
"The next scene doesn't have me in it, so I'm gonna go get a soda," Mitch said. "Call me when you need me again!" he yelled to Gary, who looked overwhelmed.
"What is the next scene?" Jim asked before Gary could apologize for Mitch again.
"Count Manzeppi comes in and finds his men," Gary replied.
Jim nodded. "Who's playing him?"
"I was trying to get Seth Taylor, but he turned it down," Gary said. "That's alright, though, because then I found the absolute most perfect person for the part! Here he comes now." He looked to where the door was swinging open. A large man in a top hat and cape strolled in, seeming very much at home in his surroundings.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Lindsey, good afternoon!" he cried in an overdramatic voice. "I'm on time, I trust?"
"Oh, yes, Sir!" Gary exclaimed. "Right on time! You look perfectly in-character, as always."
"Naturally." The man swept his cape off his shoulder and behind him. "So the stage is set for my grand entrance?"
"That's right. Just go through the door of the saloon with as much flair as you came in here," Gary encouraged. "And oh, before we start rolling, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Mr. Robespierre, this is the real James West."
"It's good to meet you, Sir," Jim said, politely holding out his hand.
Mr. Robespierre turned to look at him. "Oh, likewise, Mr. West. Likewise." And he smiled a very eerie, very cunning, and very knowing smile before turning away to film his scene.
Jim could only stare after him, his mouth open in a rare visual expression of shock. If it was just his physical appearance, Jim would brush it off, citing the resemblance between himself and Mitch Cantrell. But that smile had said it all.
Count Carlos Mario Vincenzo Robespierre Manzeppi was in the modern world, playing himself in a motion picture.
