AN: Hey everyone! I hope you guys all enjoy this story! Like Princess Peach of the Beanbean Kingdom, it is based on a request! Specifically, a request from a user called Magiste. Magiste, thank you so much for this idea and thank you for taking the time to support me and my writing.

Anyway, let's get started! ?

Chapter 1 Painless Fight

Kidnapping Princess Peach was fun. Almost too fun; it surpassed any other activity Bowser could do in terms of enjoyment level. A fact that his family was all too aware of, and as a result, had tried with all their might to try and get him to do something else with his finite amount of time. And Bowser had humored them; he took up yoga to appease them. He never knew his body could bend that way, but it was a pleasant surprise. He had also tried table tennis, which was cool. Sure, he was worse at it than he was at actually keeping Peach in the castle when Mario came around, but it was still fun.

Speaking of which… Mario and Luigi were going to come to rescue their Princess at any minute. Ohhhhhhhhhhh…. Bowser was still dealing with the bruises he got from their last fight! Those two pesky plumbers were a pain in more than just Bowser's butt. He bet they actually enjoyed taking him down. He bet that they got some sick form of satisfaction out of it!

Well, even if they did, today was going to be different. Today, Bowser had a plan. A plan that was going to help him emerge victorious. A plan where he wasn't going to be trampled underfoot, oh no. Instead, he was going to beat the Marios underfoot. He was going to kick their butts as hard as he possibly could, stand on their beaten bodies, and laugh. If the Marios really did feel a sick sort of satisfaction when they beat the almighty Koopa King, then he was going to feel that same satisfaction magnified by a thousand. Did that mean he had a problem? Possibly, but he didn't care if it did. All he cared about was defeating Mario and his pussy of a brother once and for all!

So, he sat on his throne, giggling to himself. He looked at Peach, sitting in the cage. She turned her head slightly to the right, and when she saw him, she scoffed and turned back around. Bowser's giggling intensified; even when while experiencing contempt, Peach was still the prettiest woman on the face of the planet. He snuggled deeper into his throne before feeling the urge to start up a conversation.

"You know Peach, I plan on employing a new strategy this time around when I fight the Mario brothers." He beamed. "It's going to be so epic; I'm absolutely sure that I'm going to beat them this time around. And when I do, I'll have you all to myself." He laughed. "Doesn't that just sound perfect?"

"Maybe to someone with a severe mental disorder," she grumbled.

Bowser gasped. "Aww, Peach!" He put his hand to his heart, smiling the warmest smile ever. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me all day!" His smile grew bigger. "You just give the sweetest compliments!"

Peach looked at him again, her glare strong enough to make a person's face melt. "You're sick."

"Aww!" Bowser chuckled some more. "You are just the perfectest princess ever!" He let out a breath. "Man, do I have great taste in women!"

Peach grunted and turned away from him. While admittedly sad that she wasn't look at him with those dazzling blue eyes anymore, his excitement levels still didn't go down. He looked towards the door to the throne room, his heart racing. They were going to show up any minute. Their defeat was closing in on them whether they realized it or not. Bowser could practically feel it on the tip of his tongue. Oh man, it tasted so sweet!

Within no time at all, the throne room doors opened. Both Peach and Bowser stood up upon seeing the Mario brothers, marching forward like soldiers in the most important battle of their lives. Peach reached her hand through the bars of her cage. Bowser stepped down from his throne, chuckling with a giddiness that was both new and exciting for him.

"Well well well, ain't this a surprise." Bowser laughed at his own quip, going so far as to put his hand on his belly as he did. "I've been looking forward to this so much." He looked into Mario's determined face. He looked into Luigi's nervous face. Both sights only made him happier. "You have no idea the great and awesome plans I have packed under my sleeve."

Mario shook his head. "You really don't learn, do you?" He took a step forward, making Peach shake and Bowser stand up even taller. "You aren't getting Peach, Bowser. Everytime you kidnap the princess, the same thing happens. We beat you up, leave you to deal with both the physical and emotional consequences of your actions, and the next time we face you, taking you down becomes even easier." He crossed his arms. "You really should give up at this point."

"Give up? Why, I never give up!" Bowser stood up as straight and as tall as he could. "I've never given up on anything in your life. You know why? Because it's for the weak! It's embarrassing! It's demoralizing! Only punies step away from a project after putting in all this effort!"

Surprisingly, Mario actually snickered. "Wow. I see what this is." He looked towards Luigi and gestured towards Bowser. "Behold, fratellino. The Sunk Cost Fallacy in its ugliest form." Both Mario brothers laughed at that.

Admittedly, Bowser didn't appreciate this. "Yes, ha ha ha, laugh it up. Laugh at King Bowser Koopa all you want. But I assure you, this time is going to be different!" He grinned a scaly grin. "You guys are going down. And I don't just mean underground down, I'm talking about beating you guys into the Underwhere down!" He gripped his hands into fists, all at once feeling different forms of pleasure and anticipation overcome him all at once. "So why don't you say we get this show on the road, plum scum?"

Before Mario and Luigi could say anything, Bowser got into his shell and charged at them. While he couldn't see them, he knew that they managed to jump out of the way in time, leaving him and his monstrous shell open to crash into a wall. Oh well. It was fine. He pulled himself out of his shell, rising to his feet and staring at his opponents.

"You're the one who's going down, Bowser!" Mario yelled. He and his brother both swallowed a fire flower and began pelting him with flames.

This just made Bowser smirk. "Oh, how I love the imagination of the naive." He charged at them again, this time without retreating into his shell. The fireballs they hit him with stung, but Bowser didn't care. Not this time.

With a big breath in, Bowser blew a colossal stream of fire out of his mouth. The Marios got out of the way of that too, with Luigi only barely getting a little spark on his shirt sleeve. Mario himself glared at Bowser, his breathing heavy and his brow sweaty. He charged at Bowser, yelling at the top of his lungs. Before he could land on him, Bowser jumped out of the way.

"Missed me!" Bowser taunted. He stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry at the almighty hero.

"Oh yeah, cause that's so mature." He tried jumping on Bowser again, but once again he got out of the way.

This just made Bowser's already unhinged giggling escalate. "Nya nya nya nya, you can't hit me!"

Luigi stared at Bowser in confusion while still trying to catch his breath. "I'm sorry. Are we fighting Bowser, or a kindergartener?"

"Seriously!" Mario shook his head. "I thought royalty was supposed to have some form of dignity!"

"Dignity?" Bowser stopped for a second. "I don't know what that means…"

Mario sighed before shaking his head. "Why am I not surprised?"

With that, he threw more fireballs at the Koopa King. Bowser smiled despite their stinging, feeling more and more confident in his incoming victory with every second. And unfortunately for Mario, the reason why became clearer with each fireball he threw.

"Wait…" he stopped, staring at Bowser with wide eyes. "Why isn't this working? This many fireballs would've caused you to go down by now!" He stood in place for a second before determination appeared on his face once again. "Whatever; I just need to try something different."

With that, he broke out into a run. Both Peach and Luigi watched with breathless anticipation as Mario rushed toward the smirking Koopa King. Bowser knew Mario was certain a victory for him was fast approaching. He probably expected a sweet victory, one where he would get kisses from Peach and that sick satisfaction Bowser had been thinking about earlier. And more often than not, that would probably be true. If this were any other fight, this would be the part where Mario drove Bowser's face into the dirt and walked back to the Mushroom Kingdom with Peach safely in his arms.

But unbeknownst to the plumber, this was not any other fight. Bowser knew this all too well, which is why he didn't move as Mario rushed towards him. All he did was smirk as Mario jumped into the air, preparing to stomp on his head…

And shriek. He shrieked in a way so unbefitting of someone like him. It made both Luigi and Peach's jaws drop, and it made Bowser's giddiness meet the highest level possible. As Mario hopped off of Bowser's head back onto the ground, he sucked air through his teeth. He held his hand to his feet, with tears even coming out of his eyes.

"Mario!" Luigi screamed. He rushed over to his brother, still crying like a baby as he held onto his foot. Luigi turned toward Bowser as the Koopa King laughed. "What did you do to him?"

"To him? Nothing. However, I have done quite a few things to myself." He stepped closer. "A few days ago, my magikoopa advisor Kamek managed to perfect a new kind of spell. Not only does this spell make it really hard for me to take any real damage, but it also gives anybody who touches me a whole boatload of pain!" Bowser chuckled. "I have to admit, I didn't imagine it would be this effective. I guess that goes to show that reality is often better than anything someone can come up with in their head."

Luigi gawked, with little, horrified sounds coming out of his mouth. "You… you're a monster!"

"Thanks! That means a lot coming from you." Without missing a beat, Bowser reached out and picked up Luigi. While holding him in his monstrously large hand, Luigi shrieked in a way that Bowser had never heard before. If someone were to walk in to the room without any context, they probably would think that Luigi was being burned alive.

"LUIGI!" Mario screamed. He looked at Bowser with fear in his eyes, which was an emotion he hardly ever displayed. "LET HIM GO!"

"Nope! No way!" Mario grit his teeth and tried to stand up, but couldn't on his injured feet. This just left Bowser to hold onto his struggling and hurting younger brother. Luigi's screams still echoed down the halls, filling the room with a sound more glorious to Bowser than any form of music.

"This is it, Mario brothers! Your end has finally come!" Bowser laughed some more; cackled, actually. "After all these years, after all these fights, it's almost too good to be true!" He pressed his finger on Luigi's chin, causing him to shriek even harder. "I wish this happened sooner, but you know what they say; better late than never!" He looked Mario right in his horrified eyes. "Any last words you want to say before I smash you both to smither…"

Bowser never got to finish that sentence. Something sharp hit him in the back, causing him to yelp and drop Luigi onto the floor as he dived forward. His eyes wide, he lifted himself up onto the floor. "What the…" he looked around, his heart pumping. "What in the everlasting hell was…" he stopped, his jaw-dropping when he saw a heavenly figure, drenched in an even more heavenly light.

"This has gone on long enough," said Rosalina.