Give You My Devotion
Author's Note: This... did not quite turn out as I thought it would, so I really, really hope that you like it! There's more focus on Anakin than I thought there would be, and I had way more fun writing with Anakin and Leia than I anticipated. Lol. Still, there's a lot with Leia and Rex, too. 3
Enjoy! :D
PS. Not gonna write a sequel, either, since it would turn into a MASSIVE long-fic... and probably end up including some things my giftee might not like. xP
PSS. This was written for TheAceApples for the Star Wars Rare Pairs 2023 exchange. :)
~ Amina Gila
When the discussion about time travel arose, Leia had insisted she should be the one. She pointed out that she knows more of galactic history, that she'll be more unnoticeable, that she can do what needs to be done. But the truth was that she knew Luke would be distracted. He wouldn't be able to look their father in the eyes and kill him if it came down to it. Leia told herself that she could. She told herself that she could kill him if she had to, if it would save her world and her life from repeating itself. She told herself that he's only her birth father, not her actual father.
(It was a lie. She always knew it was a lie. She'd always, always wanted to know her birth parents. She'd always been so curious about them. She knew, deep inside herself, that if she saw Darth Vader in the flesh, she would be intrigued, and she'd want to know more, want to know what made him who he was, want to know everything about him. Did he want her? Them? Did he know about them? Did he –? There are so many questions she wants answers to.)
Sometimes, the lies one tells oneself are so comfortable one can overlook the truth entirely.
Before Leia stepped into the past, she had her entire next course of action planned out… only for it to all come tumbling down.
She does not, in fact, say anything to Ben – Obi-Wan. He's too – too arrogant and just ugh! Infuriating. She doesn't tell the Jedi Council, either. They're just as bad. She's not a secret Sith-Dark acolyte-whatever thing. They're being ridiculous! It almost doesn't surprise her that the Order collapsed if they can really believe that. They're Jedi! They're supposed to be calm and peaceful and all-knowing, or whatever it was that Luke explained to her about what Jedi Masters are like.
(Yes, she might have hired a bounty hunter or three to assassinate the Chancellor, but obviously, that has nothing to do with why the Council think she's a Sith now! Of course, it doesn't. They're just… dense.)
The Jedi are nothing like she thought they would be.
Nothing is, actually.
The clones… exist. Leia knows about the Clone Wars, of course; she studied it in her history classes when she was younger, but she never… Somehow, she never realized that the clones were ordered and purchased from Kamino. Like a slave army. Stars above, the Jedi are leading a slave army into battle. It makes her sick to think about.
("Purchased?" Leia echoes, staring wide-eyed, her mind flashing back to Tatooine, back to the mission they'd gone on to get Han, back to when she'd been chained to Jabba the Hutt as his slave girl. "But that – they're not machines or droids to be bought and sold!"
Anakin's expression is pained, shadows haunting his bright blue eyes. "Yes," he answers softly, and there's so much pain there, "I know. No, they are people. That is something many in the Republic and Senate are choosing to forget. You can say it, Leia. I know it is what you are thinking. Yes, they are slaves."
He said it like he knew and understood, and Leia stares at him for a few moments, searching, and she could swear that she can feel, from his mind, a flash of twin suns and stinging sand and an invisible chain wrapped around her, strangling her – him. Anakin Skywalker was a slave? Darth Vader was a slave when he was young?)
Officially, Leia isn't a prisoner. She's not kept locked up, but she's not exactly free to leave the Temple, either. It's maddening, especially the way the other Jedi all view her with varying degrees of suspicion. She doesn't think anyone other than the Council, and maybe a few other high-ranking Jedi, are aware that she was partially behind the assassination attempt on the Chancellor during the Festival of Light on Naboo, but at the same time, she doesn't know that no one knows. They certainly watch her with enough wariness for them to know. Or maybe it's just because of the ludicrous notion that she's some sort of Sith when she can't even use the Force to levitate a cup. Or anything. She's never used the Force; she doesn't know how.
But she's still a Sith apparently?
Whatever.
She attempts not to dwell on it, in general, instead spending her time wandering the Temple, learning what she can of it, and of the goings-on at this point in time. The Archives are a place of interest for that reason. There's so much that she didn't know about the Jedi, that no one knew about the Jedi, because the Empire destroyed everything. Maybe she can never go back home, but she's still determined to learn as much as she can about the real history.
Leia tries not to think about home, not to think about how much Luke would have appreciated being here, not to think about the family and friends she left behind. She tries – but she does not always succeed, and sometimes, the weight of her grief feels like it could smother her alive.
Though she may not be a prisoner, and though she may have plenty of research she can do, she still feels restless. She wants to get out, wants to see the greater galaxy, wants to help. She has a duty, a responsibility. Her mission was to take down Palpatine, to stop his Empire no matter what, and she can't do that hidden inside the walls of the Temple.
Ironically, it's Anakin who finally gets her permission to leave.
("I need to get out," she says, frustrated, pacing back and forth. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life trapped in here!"
Somehow, Anakin has the audacity to chuckle, a fond warmth flickering through his eyes. He's so cheerful, all the time, she's noticed. He's so – so good, so light. He's nothing like Vader was. Vader was darkness and depression and brokenness, and Leia had known that even when she first sensed him as a little girl when she'd been kidnapped from her home. She saw him, just a shadow and just for a moment, but she never forgot.
Anakin sobers though, nodding, understanding. "I dislike being still, too," he admits. "Going out, helping people, that was what I always wanted. That is why I came to the Temple in the first place to become a Jedi. I wanted to help. I understand. I will speak to the Council. Perhaps they will allow you to accompany me on my next mission." He pauses, studying her speculatively, a glimmer of something like mischief in his gaze. In moments like this, it's so obvious that he's barely more than a child. He's younger than her. "You said you are a rebel?"
"Yes," Leia replies, because that's what she's always said when asked. She can't call herself a Princess or a General or anything else. She's… a rebel here. A rebel named Leia. I am a rebel, she had told the Council when they asked her who she was, I fight the government for the people. That was the only explanation she'd been willing to give.
Anakin smirks. "Perfect." She has no idea why that's funny.)
Leia can't quite suppress the eagerness to her step as she follows Anakin to the hangar bay in the Temple, finally, finally preparing to leave. "Where are we going?" she asks instead of wondering what he said to the Council to let her come.
"There is a situation on Onderon," Anakin explains, expression intent and focused in a way she's never seen it before. The youthfulness and levity are still there, but they're more subdued now as he shifts focus to the coming mission and battle. Right now, she can see why he was one of the most famous Generals in the Clone Wars. She can't explain it necessarily, or put it into words, but she can just tell.
"A group of individuals have contacted us, requesting Republic aid to overthrow the Separatist puppet king," he continues. "I suggested that we go there and train them to defend themselves. We cannot help every group of rebels who need aid, not now."
Leia's lips part soundlessly. "We're going to help a group of rebels?" Oh, the irony.
"That is correct," Anakin assures her with a small smile, "And because of your… expertise in this area, I convinced the Council that you would offer us advice and assistance while we are there."
She only doesn't laugh because of her training, but she can feel the hysteria bubbling up within her. What are the odds? The future Darth Vader is helping teach rebels how to… well, be rebels. She wants to laugh. But she doesn't, keeping her expression calm and placid. "It would be my honor," she answers instead.
She keeps control of herself until she has a moment alone, and then, she laughs until she nearly cries. It's funny. (But more than that, Leia desperately wishes that she could have Luke with her. Or Han. Or even Chewie. She misses them. She misses them so much, and she'll never see them again. Never. That was the price she had to pay, and while she doesn't regret paying it, she still mourns. For the second time, she's lost everyone she ever knew.)
**w**
They stop by the flagship of the 501st Legion, and it's there that Anakin introduces her to his padawan, Ahsoka Tano, as well as Captain Rex. Leia greets them both cordially, but inside, she's reeling. She met Ahsoka once, briefly, in her time, but more than that, she knew of her. The Fulcrum. It was because of her, because of the network she built that they were able to defeat the Empire.
And then, there's Captain Rex. Leia knew him. Personally. He was part of the team they took down to Endor when they were going to destroy the Second Death Star. The Rex that Leia remembers was… old. Worn. He'd been through so much, suffered so many losses. By then, he was the last surviving clone. She can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like, to know that he's literally the last of his kind, the last living being who could ever understand him or the things he endured.
This Rex is different. There is a fire in his eyes, a passion, a fierce devotion to his General and his brothers and the Republic. Leia can see it when she looks at him. It's something she can do, almost akin to peering into someone's soul, seeing their deepest thoughts, sometimes flickers of memory. Rex is… steady. Steadfast. A rock in the middle of a storm, and instantly, she finds herself being drawn to him. Rex is a soldier. So was she. To her, he's not just a clone. He's a person. He intrigues her for reasons she can't quite understand.
They go to Onderon.
The flight is smooth and uneventful, and Leia spends much of the time in the cockpit or away from the others. She knows Ahsoka doesn't trust her. She felt the suspicious looks, the murmured conversation, and more than that, she can feel it.
("Why is she here?" Ahsoka hisses in a whisper. She sounds exasperated. "She's a rebel, Master! A traitor to the Republic. She's dangerous!"
It stings. It stings in ways Leia can't even admit to. It digs into her skin and burns. She knows that she has the Force, even if she can't understand its power. She knows that she's powerful, more than any other living being except her brother and father. She knows this. She knows that if her father, her father is capable of being Darth Vader, she, too, is capable of evil. She, too, is far more dangerous than anyone can conceive, even herself. Leia does not want to think about the things she can do. She does not want to think about what she might have to do in the future, to stop Palpatine and the Empire. This… desperation, is it what her father felt? Is this why he Fell? She thinks she could burn the galaxy to ash if it would mean stopping the horrible future she lived, if it would mean saving Alderaan.
But Leia Organa is too strong to break. She vows it to herself. Maybe she can be as bad as Vader, or even worse, but she will not break. She will not fall to those depths. She will not. She knows where it will go, and she will not follow in Vader's footsteps.
"Ahsoka, why would you say that?" Anakin replies, and Leia catches the inflection in his voice. The honest confusion. The disbelief.
Ahsoka's answering scoff is audible, even to Leia from where she's lingering in the doorway, listening to a conversation she has no part in. "You must have heard the rumors by now," she answers. Leia can see her shadow, and she's shaking her head, her padawan braid swinging by her shoulder. "She tried to have the Chancellor assassinated! How can we know she's not a Separatist agent or a Sith?"
A shadow of a hand lands on Ahsoka's shoulder. "Leia is neither Separatist nor Sith," Anakin replies, and his voice is heavy with such certainty that Leia rocks back a step. How can he know? "But she is hurting. She is hurting, Padawan, and it is the Jedi way to show compassion to others."
Leia stumbles back, unable to listen anymore. She's shaking, and unbidden tears are stinging her eyes. Anakin is defending her. He's defending her. He believes her. He –
"It is the Jedi way to show compassion to others."
She wants to scream. Scream and scream and scream until she just can't anymore, because what happened to him? What happened to this man that turned him into Vader? She had thought Vader to be heartless, had hated what he stood for, a symbol of the Emperor's might and the Empire's unyielding oppression. She had hated him. She hated that he was her father, hated that he died –
He was supposed to love her.
The thought comes almost unbidden, and she chokes on an inhale. She'd loved the idea of her birth father before she ever knew him, and that had only been cemented when she met Ben Kenobi, when he rescued her.
"You are also passionate and fearless, forthright. And these are gifts from your father."
She is like him. And she doesn't know if that's truly a good thing. What if Ahsoka's right about her?)
"Hey."
The voice pulls Leia from her thoughts, and she's shifting into a defensive position before she realizes that it's just Rex. He's watching her, helmet tucked under his arm, his dark brown eyes filled with concern. "You okay?"
Leia takes a breath, pulling her mask in place and even managing to give him a small, if unreal, smile. "I am," she tells him, "But thank you for asking."
He reaches out, catching her arm and pulling her fully into the cockpit, pushing the button to close the door behind them. "Ahsoka is…" He hesitates, settling into the pilot's chair, and Leia sits opposite him. "She means well," he says finally, fingers absently tapping on his helmet where it sits on his knee, "But she is still young." There's a certain softness to his tone, a fondness, and it strikes Leia, suddenly, that Rex sees her as his child. He and Anakin both do. She doesn't know why she didn't expect that.
"And you… do not share her reservations?" she queries, morbidly curious. If Rex distrusts her, she would rather know now, instead of finding out later. They're going on a mission. If they don't trust each other, it could… be very problematic later on. It could mean a hesitation that could be the difference between life and death. And she is not ready to die, not yet.
Rex ponders it for long enough that Leia immediately fears his answer, but then, surprisingly, he smiles. "No," he assures, shaking his head. He's telling the truth; she can feel it. "Despite what you may or may not have done, my General trusts you. That's good enough for me."
She stares at him, surprised. Such loyalty he has for Anakin. She doesn't quite understand it, but at the same time, she does. Anakin is bright and warm, and a tiny part of her wants to go to him and tell him everything if only so that she can drown in the intensity of everything that is Anakin Skywalker. But she is not a child anymore, who needs to be held or comforted by a parent. Still. Doesn't mean she wouldn't like it, especially now. She feels so… alone.
After a heartbeat, Leia smiles back at him, and this time, it is genuine, the edge of the hurt disappearing in the face of Rex's acceptance of her. "Thank you," she says softly.
"Leia –" He pauses, almost wincing, seeming unsure if he's overstepping.
"It's fine," she blurts out. "You can call me by name."
Rex dips his head, relaxing back against his seat. "The General said you're a rebel, that you'd know how to handle this mission."
She laughs quietly. "I wouldn't say I'm an expert, but I am in my element here. Try to keep up with me, Captain."
Rex smirks. "With pleasure."
**w**
It turns out that Rex is just as much of a rebel now as he was in the future that Leia remembers. It's strange, but not unwelcome. Onderon goes… well. It goes better than Leia ever dreamed it could have. She'd become so used to being a rebel while fighting against unreal odds. It helps that Anakin and Ahsoka are trained Jedi, so much unlike Luke, even if they aren't actively fighting. Leia understands why they don't want to take an active role, but it still frustrates her a bit. She wishes they could do more.
But Onderon was a win, in more ways than one, and Leia is content with that.
Ahsoka warms up to her, and even if they aren't exactly friends, she still regards her positively and maybe with some admiration.
Rex has progressed from an acquaintance to a friend, and Leia is so grateful for that, because even if she isn't ready to even think of confiding in him – not only because it would put him in an awkward situation given that Anakin is his General – she could still use a friend. (Every day she misses Luke. She misses Han. She misses Chewie. And Threepio and Artoo and even Lando. She misses her ragtag group of friends, her home.)
Anakin is… Oh stars, Leia doesn't even begin to know how to describe their relationship. They'll never have a father-daughter relationship, which she finds that she regrets, but they're not just friends, either. They feel… close. When she thinks of Anakin, she thinks of home. It's a wholly startling revelation.
Maybe it was how he treated her, keeping her close not because he distrusted her, but because he wanted to be there to protect her if she needed it. Maybe it was fighting beside him, as a rebel, going up against a government when they had a chance of winning. Maybe it was the shared jokes they threw back and forth while sneaking around beneath the false king's nose to save his people. Maybe it was seeing how deeply Anakin was affected by the rebels, empathizing with their situation, telling her how he wished they could have helped more, if only to save Steela Gerrera from being killed.
Maybe it was something else entirely.
But somehow, Leia has come to see Anakin as something more than just a friend. He's family to her, in the same way she thought of Luke as family, even before she realized he was her brother. Perhaps it is merely the strength of the Force flowing through their veins that has brought them together so quickly and with such fierceness.
"The Chancellor wanted to meet you," Anakin tells her quietly after they return to Coruscant as victors and with a promise for other means of fighting the Separatists. This is what laid the groundwork of the Rebel Alliance. Saw Gerrera was an important rebel, Leia knows, and it is so strange to think that he learned those tactics from Darth Vader. She never would have guessed if she hadn't lived through it.
Despite herself, Leia tenses, and she knows that Rex notices, can feel the quick, almost worried, look he gives her. "Did he?" she queries mildly, careful to conceal her hatred of him.
Anakin shrugs a shoulder. "I told him you were busy, that you were uninterested in meeting with authority figures. He's curious about you, though. I don't know what the Council told him."
Leia stills, her face a careful mask. Does Palpatine suspect something, perhaps? Or is he… really just curious? But either way, she knows she cannot meet him. He's too powerful, too dangerous, and she could never face him without somehow betraying herself. Her hatred of him is too strong. Her bitterness for his actions is too deep. Anakin gave her a way out, though, and for that, she's grateful. But now might be a good time to probe for more information.
"Thank you," she says carefully. "I hardly think I'm important enough for the Chancellor to meet with me personally."
Anakin's brow furrows. "I do not understand what you have against him," he admits, "But the Chancellor is a good man. He's my friend and mentor, and because you are… important to me, you are important to him, too."
Leia stares, dumbstruck. She doesn't even know where to begin picking that apart, and the sudden swell of warmth inside of her at the 'you are important to me' is belied by the 'he's my friend and mentor'. Stars. Anakin cares about Palpatine. It somehow doesn't make any sense to her while explaining everything she's ever tried to understand about Darth Vader. She's no fool. She knows that Vader never held an official rank, and there were so many whispers about who and what he was. She knows that Vader was oft called the Emperor's attack dog, by Rebels and Imperials alike. She never understood why he – why he never did anything to dispel that notion – to the contrary, actually – but now, if he cared –
Stars.
"How could Palpatine be your friend?" she asks, trying desperately to keep the judgment from her voice, though she does not think she succeeded very well. "He's the Chancellor. He – he wouldn't even have time –"
"He always made time for me," Anakin explains earnestly, either not noticing or disregarding her rising horror, "Ever since I was a child. He was there for me when I had no one else. He watched over me and supported me. He's a good man, Leia, if you would only give him a chance."
Leia is shaking her head before she even registers intending to move. That can't be right. It can't be, but Anakin is so certain, so sincere. He believes what he's saying, and that only makes it worse. What has Palpatine done to him? Once, Leia might have thought that he was secretly in league with the once-Emperor, but now? After seeing Anakin as he truly is? She can't believe that. Anakin has a good heart. He is a good person. He genuinely wants what's best, and that's why it hurts her so much to hear what he thinks of Palpatine. He believes it, and she has no idea, no idea at all, how she can change his mind.
Words are on the tip of her tongue, but she swallows them down. Now is not the right time to tell Anakin that she's his daughter from the future, that Palpatine led the Republic and galaxy into ruin. Maybe she's just scared to tell him, but she doesn't think now is the right time. She was a princess. She knows how to say things that she doesn't entirely believe, how to be diplomatic without being completely untruthful. She just has to pick her words carefully.
"Haven't you heard?" she says lightly, "Politicians can't be trusted."
Anakin makes a face, but he seems more amused than anything else, even as he continues to watch her carefully. "It is true," he agrees, "But there are some. Padme – Senator Amidala is one." For a moment, Leia catches a flash of a woman who strongly resembles her, accompanied by a feeling of deep adoration. Is that – is Senator Amidala her mother? She must be. Leia remembers what she sensed in Ben's mind, when he told her that she reminded him of someone. She doesn't remember her mother, not really, but she's clung to that image, no matter how vague. But in Anakin's memory, her mother is happy, laughing, not sad like she was in Ben's.
"Princess Leia Organa, you are wise, discerning, kindhearted. These are qualities that came from your mother."
She wants to meet her. She wants to meet her so badly, to get to know her the way she's getting to know her father.
"Senators Chuchi and Organa are also good people," Anakin continues, and Leia's breath hitches at his words. Her fathers knew each other? Were they friends? So many questions and no answers, and while she could ask, she won't. Not yet. Not while the grief is still so sudden and sharp. She can't be that transparent.
"You and Senator Amidala are close?" she queries lightly.
There's a flash of surprise on Anakin's face, and he glances around, almost automatically. But Ahsoka isn't nearby; the only one here is Rex. "We are," he answers slowly, a little guarded.
"I sensed it," Leia explains, and he relaxes, nodding, something sheepish on his face.
"To the galaxy, we are merely friends," he tells her, gaze flickering toward Rex. "No one knew the truth. It is not permitted for Jedi to have relationships. Friendship, yes, but nothing more."
She… didn't know that, and her heart flips in her chest, sinking downward, caught in the undercurrents of uncertainty and dread. Luke had wanted to be a Jedi so much. What would that have meant for them? She can't imagine he would ever have left her or cut ties or become… distant, but she's suddenly afraid. He wanted to be a Jedi before he knew of her, before he wanted to be her brother and her friend.
"That doesn't seem right," she objects, frowning, trying to dispel the grief that is suddenly threatening to swallow her whole. She misses Luke suddenly and fiercely. She misses all of her friends, but her brother, her twin, most of all. He was the missing half of her soul, the part she never realized was gone until she saw him on the Death Star for the first time.
Anakin shakes his head with a sad smile. "I cannot presume to know better than the Jedi Council," he answers, "But I know that I am not a very good Jedi. I care too much, more than I should."
"That isn't a bad thing," Leia protests instinctively.
"I must agree, General," Rex says quietly. "You care about us clones. That is more than many can say about their commanding officers."
Anakin looks between them, his gaze soft and fond. "Perhaps you are right," he concedes, though Leia is unsure if he actually believes it. "I need to give my report to the Council. I'll catch up with you later."
Rex salutes him, and Anakin reaches out to squeeze Leia's shoulder in a farewell gesture before he turns and hurries away into the Temple. She follows him with her eyes until he disappears, trying to figure out what she ought to do now.
"Are you alright?" Rex's words disrupt her wandering thoughts, and she turns toward him, caught off guard by the question.
"Oh, yes, I am," she answers, but she doesn't sound too certain of herself.
The clone glances around before gesturing to her to follow him, and they retreat back to the ship, sitting side by side on the ramp. "I know something is bothering you," he tells her, "And it has to do with the Chancellor." She tries not to tense. She really does, but it doesn't quite work as well as she hoped, and she knows that he felt it. "You can talk to me, Leia," he continues, "I… know the General thinks highly of him, and I do as well, because I trust my General with anything, but I know there is something about Palpatine you aren't telling us."
Leia shakes her head with a rueful smile which quickly fades, her heart hammering in her chest. This is it. She can tell Rex everything, or at least some things, or she can continue to keep it a secret. She trusts him. She knows he'll keep her confidence. Maybe…
"I can't trust him," she says finally, picking her words carefully, wondering distantly how Rex was able to see her so well, when she was wearing her mask. Maybe he's better at reading people than she realized. "He is not a good person. I – he means to hurt Anakin."
Rex goes rigid, expression stony, but she can feel the anger in him, rippling under the surface. "How?" he demands.
Leia… does not know what to do. She wants someone else to know so very badly, but she's afraid that by sharing this with Rex, she'll be making a selfish decision. But it's Anakin. And he's in danger. She knows it. She doesn't know what Palpatine has done to him to make him so firmly convinced of his sincerity, but she – she is still… afraid for him. Afraid of losing him. Afraid of him going down the path he did before.
She thought she could kill him if she had to, but now, she knows better. She does not think she will ever have the strength to look her father in the eyes and kill him, no matter what he has done. She might be able to hurt him, she might be able to yell at him, but she cannot kill him.
"Palpatine is power-hungry," Leia answers, "He seeks to become… all-powerful, and you must know how strong with the Force Anakin is. Palpatine wants him on his side."
Rex inhales sharply. "That's why you tried to kill him."
She grins sheepishly. "It wasn't my best moment."
He smirks back, but it quickly falls away. "Leia, let me help you. If there is a threat to my General… I would die for him. I will do anything if it means protecting him. He has done the same for us many times."
"Okay," she agrees, relief swamping through her. She has an ally now, someone who will help her with everything she needs. "You are… so loyal to him," she adds, unable to stop herself from commenting on it. Never before has Leia seen soldiers show such devotion to a commanding officer. She knows, with certainty, that Rex would do anything Anakin asked him to. He would jump off a cliff and blindly trust Anakin to catch him at the bottom. That kind of devotion and loyalty is truly unparalleled, and she wonders if the Rex of her time knew about what happened with Vader. What happened to them, to their bond? What changed?
Those are questions she will probably never be able to answer.
"He has earned it," Rex says firmly. "Anakin cares about us. He sees us as people. He has sacrificed for us, again and again. He leads us into battle, knows us personally, knows what he asks when he calls on us to go into battle. He asks for the names of those who die. He mourns with us. He – he is our family. That is something that no other Jedi does for their men. No one cares like the General does."
Once, Leia might have doubted, but not anymore, not after getting to know Anakin herself, and not when she can hear the conviction in Rex's voice. She finds that she loves him a little more for it, for being willing to give Anakin such loyalty and support. In the clones, Anakin has found a family, friends, a place where he belongs.
Jedi are not allowed to have families, Anakin said, and she sensed a flash of loneliness from him. Has he ever found anyone at the Temple, among the Jedi, with whom he could be close? There is Obi-Wan, of course, but other than him? Somehow, Leia doesn't think so, and it makes her sad for him.
But he has the clones now, and Ahsoka, and her, and her mother, and… maybe that is enough.
**w**
One week passes, and then another and another until an entire month has flown by. Leia has been busy with the 501st, helping on their missions, giving suggestions and advice where she can from her own tactical knowledge, and joining them on the front lines. It's been… different, but it's also been relieving in many ways to have such a strong force backing her up. In her time, it so often felt hopeless. But here, during the Clone Wars, that is not so.
She meets her mother once, Padme, and she can barely hide her emotions on seeing her, the respect that she has always harbored for Senator Amidala. She thinks Padme might have sensed or suspected something, but she did not ask, and Leia did not volunteer. Rex has been helping her search for information on Palpatine, but in vain, so they have done what they could to keep Anakin away from him. It has worked, mostly, though she knows Anakin wonders if they are up to something. But he, too, has not asked, and Leia is not quite ready to tell him. She needs to, she knows, but she… not yet. Not quite yet.
Getting to know Ahsoka has been a delight, and she has been a very willing student when Leia speaks to her about rebel networks and how to build them. Leia does not know that the galaxy will fall, and the Empire will rise, but she is planning for a worst-case scenario. If nothing else, Ahsoka will be better prepared. Rex, too, attends these sessions, and even Anakin does. They talk together, brainstorm together. And in those moments, Leia has hope that no matter what the future brings, they will succeed. If they stay together, they will overcome all adversity.
And then, the world comes crashing down.
Leia should have known that good things do not last forever.
(Anakin's expression is empty and gutted when he comes there, and Leia is on her feet in a moment, Rex a step behind her. "What happened?" she demands worriedly. She's not a soldier or a Jedi, so she had not been permitted to join in the search for Ahsoka. She had wanted to find her and help her, but even that would have been impossible. Coruscant is a large planet, and Leia knows nothing of the Underworld. If even Anakin couldn't find Ahsoka, how could she?
He closes his eyes, swallowing. "She's gone," he whispers, his voice hitching ever so slightly on the words. "She… did not wish to return to the Order, to the war, and I – I told her to leave. I told her that she should follow her heart, do what she felt was right. Ahsoka has never wanted to fight. Never. She hated the war, the responsibility of commanding. It wore on her, and I – she had a chance, a path, and I told her to take it."
Leia blinks back the sudden tears blurring her vision.
Ahsoka.
Ahsoka is gone.
She's gone.
Stars, it doesn't even seem real. Possible. Did this happen before? Or was this something she somehow changed? She doesn't know.
"I'm sorry," she whispers to Anakin and to Rex, the two men who raised Ahsoka, guided her, protected her. Jedi don't have parents, but if Ahsoka did, they would be Anakin and Rex. They loved her like they would their own child.
Anakin shakes his head. "Me too." He comes closer, clasping Rex's shoulder, meeting his eyes. A thousand unspoken things pass between them, and then, for a moment, Anakin leans forward to press his forehead to Rex's, a custom, a gesture that Leia has seen clones do with each other but never a natborn. It's a testament to how much Anakin is one of them. They don't speak. They don't need to. "I – I'm going to Padme," he tells them. "She defended Ahsoka during her trial. I – need to see her."
Leia steps forward, surprising herself when she wraps her arms around Anakin, hugging him tightly. "Go," she whispers, "I'll stay with Rex."
He kisses her forehead, nodding. "Thank you."
And then he's gone.)
Leia shadows Rex, following him first to the barracks where he quietly tells Fives and Jesse, telling them to spread the word that 'the kid is gone' before retreating to his quarters. He sits on the edge of his bunk, and Leia settles next to him without a second thought. She cares about him, deeply, in a way that she's only ever cared about two men before.
Kier was calm and collected when she was impetuous and young, and needed someone who could steady her.
Han was temperamental and rash and so loyal at a time when she was grieving and bitter, and needed someone who could be the chaos to her calm.
And now, there's Rex.
Rex, who is steadfast and loyal when she needs a friend and ally, someone who can hold her when she falters.
She doesn't quite know when or how she fell in love with him. It was slow and gradual, over the course of hours spent together, with or without Anakin. They are bound together by their shared devotion to Anakin, by their desire to protect him, and Leia wouldn't have it any other way.
"I can't believe she's really gone," he says heavily, staring blankly ahead of himself. "She was our kid. She was everything to us. Everything we did, she was our center. She has always been there. I don't know what we will do, when she's… gone."
"We'll figure it out," Leia replies softly, reaching over and taking Rex's hand, holding it tightly to offer as much comfort as she can.
"Yes," he agrees slowly, "It is better for her. She'll be safe, now." The but it still hurts is there in the air, lingering unspoken between them.
Leia squeezes his hand, and he squeezes back. "It'll be okay," she promises. She shouldn't be making promises like that, not when she doesn't know if she can even keep them, but somehow, she just knows. Everything will be alright. She'll make it be alright. That's what she's here for, after all. She's here to fix things.
Rex blows out a breath, the grief in his eyes prominent as he mutely shakes his head. Leia can almost feel his conflicting, warring emotions, and she shifts closer, pressing their shoulders together, trying to help him achieve a sense of calm, or at least be the anchor to him that he has been to her. He glances at her, something softening in his gaze. "I am glad you're here, Leia," he murmurs.
She feels the flush rising in her cheeks. "I'm glad I'm here, too." That means far more than Rex realizes. She needs to tell him and Anakin the truth about her. And she will. Soon. It's time. But not tonight. They need time to grieve and to process Ahsoka's leaving.
Their eyes meet, and Leia can see a spark of warmth in Rex's eyes that mirrors the feelings inside her. She doesn't even think about it, not really, as she leans over and kisses him. It's fleeting, gentle, comforting as much as exploring. Rex lifts a hand, sliding his fingers into her hair as he pulls her closer, kissing her back a little clumsily, as if he's not familiar with it, as if he's never really done it before. Maybe he hasn't. She wouldn't know. She feels like she hardly knows anything about the clones' lives when they're not fighting, but then, they've hardly gotten any downtime at all since she came.
The Clone Wars are getting worse, and there's no time to rest.
But here and now, they will find the time. They will take a moment to see what this feeling is between them.
Leia finally pulls back so she can breathe, sliding off the bunk and straddling his lap, stroking her palm over his short, blond hair, feeling the way it prickles. "This okay?"
Rex shifts, one hand gripping her hip, the other clasping the back of her neck. "Yeah." He offers her a small smile as he leans in again.
Maybe this is what they both need, a distraction from the war around them, a way of reminding themselves that they have something to fight for, a future they can look forward to. Maybe this is why Anakin got together with Padme in the first place, regardless of what the Jedi might say on the matter. Leia knows that in wartime, feelings are high, and physical relationships are often employed as an escape. There's a reason why so many rebels were in relationships with one another. She and Han might not have… quite gotten there, but they were close. Sometimes, the best way of bonding is through shared pain.
And this is something Rex shares with her.
She moves closer, as close as she can, winding her legs around his waist as she presses her body against his, lowering her head to kiss his neck as he wraps his arms around her. Somehow, Leia gets the feeling that Rex is entirely new to this, and maybe she's not exactly experienced either, but she'll enjoy introducing him to feelings and sensations that he's never before felt.
**w**
Anakin meets them in Rex's quarters, taking in their physical proximity – the way Leia is curled against Rex's side, his arm casually thrown around her shoulders – in silence. And then, he smiles, though he doesn't comment. "You wanted me to come?"
Leia snuggles closer to Rex, taking comfort from his presence. It's so freeing to know that he knows how she feels, to know that he feels the same. Somehow, they found each other, despite everything, and she couldn't be more grateful.
"I have something I need to tell both of you."
Anakin sits cross-legged on the floor, hands on his knees, nodding to her, expression serious.
Leia takes a deep breath, feeling the way Rex takes her hand and squeezes it in silent support. "My name, my real name is Leia Organa-Skywalker, and I'm from the future."
There's a stunned quiet in the wake of her proclamation. "You're –" Anakin begins, wide-eyed.
"I'm your daughter," she confirms.
He makes a soft sound, one of realization. "That's why," he says, half to himself, "I always knew you were important. You – you reminded me of my mother."
Leia lowers her eyes, unsure what to make of that. She knows nothing of her paternal grandmother, who died before she was even born. Even Luke only knew stories, and he didn't speak of her much. To be compared to her… it's high praise.
"What happened?" Rex queries after a pause, worried. "You wouldn't be… here unless something happened."
She nods, swallowing.
And then, she explains. She tells them about how the Jedi Order fell, how they were declared traitors and destroyed to the last man, how the clones just… disappeared, their use over, how Palpatine took the Republic and made it an Empire. She tells them that he's a Sith, that Anakin Fell and became his apprentice. She tells them about her adoption by the Organas, about Alderaan, about Luke, about the Rebellion, about the battles they fought to overthrow Palpatine and restore peace and democracy. She tells them everything.
When she's done, her voice is shaking, and there are silent tears on Anakin's face. Rex's too.
"I – I'm sorry," Anakin whispers, and he surges forward, pulling her into his arms, and cradling her against his chest.
Leia has not cried since she came here to the past. She has not let herself, because she has needed to be strong. She has not let herself dwell much on Luke, on Han, on Chewie, on all the friends she left behind, since she'll never see them again. But now, she crumbles, a choked sob escaping her. Anakin, her father, only holds her tighter, and she can feel Rex shifting, pressing himself as close to her as he can, a hand resting lightly on her back.
"I'm sorry," Anakin repeats, his voice trembling, "If I hadn't – had I seen –"
Leia was more angry with Vader for dying before ever acknowledging her as his daughter than she was with him for what he did to the galaxy. A part of her always knew he was only the weapon, and one cannot blame a weapon for being used to cause hurt. She can admit that now, and it's easy to let it go with Anakin here, holding her. He cares. This isn't the family she lost, neither the first nor the second, but it's still a family, and it's still hers.
"It's not your fault," Leia whispers, shaking her head, pulling back and blinking away her tears enough to meet his eyes. "It's not. He – Palpatine groomed you, Anakin. You could not have seen. You could not have known. He would not have let you. He took what he wanted, gave you what you needed, because he could, because he wanted something from you."
"He has always been a friend to me," Anakin answers, looking away. "I thought it strange – I was only a padawan, a child, barely thirteen, but he wanted to spend time with me, and I thought he cared, and it often seemed as if he was the only one who ever did."
Leia tightens her grip around him, suddenly at a loss for words as rage washes through her. She is angry, so angry at what Palpatine did to Anakin, at what he turned him into. Anakin might have made the final choice, but when Palpatine was there, holding his hand, what kind of choice could there truly have been? It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Anakin or to her or Luke or anyone.
It's not too late to fix this. It can't be.
"General," Rex interjects, "Anakin, you were a child. This is not on you. If someone must be blamed, blame him. He's the cause of this."
Leia does not add that the Jedi Council is also responsible. Thirteen. No one sends a thirteen-year-old child to spend time with a stranger, no matter how high-ranking. They shouldn't have allowed it, and yes, there is no way they could have known that Palpatine had nefarious intentions, but it was still wrong of them. The Jedi are not the idyllic heroes she once thought they were. Even so, it's also… almost refreshing to see their flaws, to see how wrong they can be sometimes.
"Yeah, I know," Anakin answers, strained, "But it is not… easy."
Rex reaches out, touching his shoulder. "We're here," he promises, tugging Leia a bit closer to him. "We're here to help you. Always."
"We can figure this out," Leia adds with more confidence than she feels, "I know we can. We're a family. We're staying together."
Anakin huffs a soft laugh, offering a strained smile. "We'll – yes, of course," he agrees. He studies them, for a moment, before smiling again. "I'm glad you are happy together. There is no one else I would trust more with – my daughter –" Neither of them comments on the way he stumbles a bit on the word; it's still sinking in for him. "– and there is no else I would trust more with Rex."
"I am happy with Rex," Leia says, and it feels strange to say, but it also feels right.
Maybe Ahsoka isn't here anymore, but that might be for the best. It's time for them to take the next step toward neutralizing Palpatine once and for all, and it will be dangerous, so incredibly dangerous. Ahsoka is a child. For her sake, it may be best that she not be here to step into the danger with the rest of them.
They can do this. They can. Somehow, it seems so much easier to face the future when she's not facing it alone, when she's facing it with her family at her side.
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