Chapter Forty Nine
Lily sat, puffy eyed at her dressing table, Danica snoring softly behind her after another bad night being locked in a cage.
She wanted to cry, but she was all cried out, there weren't any more tears to come, not right now anyway. She knew what she was about to do, about to ask, was unfair, cruel even. It was also very, very necessary.
Remus would be awake by now. He hated to sleep too long after the last full moon of the month as it messed up what little healthy sleeping pattern he had. Plus he loved spending every minute he could with Luca.
Lily walked quickly to their rooms, terrified of slowing down or stopping in case she lost her nerve. Even turning to close the door had her wishing she could run back out of it again.
"Come on in." Tonks called, as soon as Lily knocked, "Wotcha Lily."
"Sorry to disturb you." Lily said.
Tonks smiled and adjusted her top from where Luca had just finished feeding, and draping him over a shoulder to burp him, "You're not. Luca doesn't like his daddy not being here, do you? So we've had a rough few nights, but every night he's settled as soon as Remus got back."
Remus walked through from the bathroom in a comfortable set of pyjamas, towelling his hair dry, "Did he feed all right?"
Tonks nodded, "He always does, long may it last."
Lily sat down, her legs feeling very shaky, "Feels like only yesterday Harry and Danica were that size."
"I can't imagine what you've been going through with Harry." Tonks sighed, leaning back in her rocking chair, "I thought I knew but… I never realised how all consuming the feelings for your children are, I can't imagine being apart from Luca, not even for a minute."
Lily burst into tears, fat droplets spilling out from between her fingers as she tried to push them back, her eyes burning from how much she'd been crying recently.
"Gods Lily what's wrong?" Remus asked, wrapping her in a hug.
She shook her head and took a steadying deep breath, "I… I have to ask you something and I don't want you to say anything. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to ask of anyone. I've already had to watch Harry leave me and now I'm going to have to…"
"Lily… you're worrying me." Tonks said, holding Luca a little tighter subconsciously, at the thought of danger.
Lily dried her eyes and took a deep breath, "I need you both, and Luca to go to America." she said, forcing her voice to stay steady, "And I need you to take Danica with you."
"What do you mean?" Remus asked, balancing on the edge of Tonks's chair, "Like now?"
Lily nodded, "Yes. I have flights booked for you in three days time."
"Lily that's insane." Tonks said firmly, "There is a war on!"
"Yes." Lily said, fire flickering in her words, "That is why you have to go."
"I don't understand." Remus said, looking slightly insulted, "You don't think we can fight?"
"I don't want you to have to fight!" Lily exclaimed, "We have lost too much already! All of us! This is your way out. Do you not think that if I could jump on a plane, take Danica and Harry away from all this I wouldn't?"
"You wouldn't just leave your friends." Remus pointed out, "And I'm insulted that you think we would."
"It's not about that any more." Lily said, trying and failing to stay calm, her emotions had rubbed her raw and she was struggling to contain them, "I know you would both fight, to the death if you had to. But can't you see? It can't be that way any more, Luca changed all of that."
"My mum would look after him." Tonks suggested.
Lily shook her head, the words just weren't coming out properly, she needed to make them understand, "Of course she would… I just…" she stood up and paced for a few moments, "What sort of life do you think awaits for Danica… if… if we lose?"
Tonks and Remus stayed silent, knowing the uncomfortable answer.
"Exactly." Lily sobbed, "You know yourself Remus, life as a wolf is hard, at times unbearably so. And if we lose… if they take over… they've made it legal to use unforgivable curses on her! She can't get married, there's no chance of her going to school! I need to hope that there is better out there for her."
"We're not going to lose." Remus said simply, "Do you think she'll be happy saying goodbye to you? That that wont effect her?"
"Of course it will." Lily said, throwing her arms in the air, "Do you not think I've thought about all this? For hours, I've barely slept since Luca was born and I realised that this has to happen. Luca and Danica have to be protected."
"You will protect her." Tonks said.
Lily shook her head, feeling the weight of defeat on her shoulders, "No… I didn't. I couldn't protect her when she lay in Severus's office, being mauled by that monster. An office I put her in… and I can't protect her now, three nights a month she doesn't even know who I am. But you can protect her Remus. Even if you never so much as smell a Wolfsbane potion again, you are both calmer with one another. You can talk to her and… you can protect her, make sure that she is safe."
"Lily… please understand what you're asking of me… of us?" Remus said, barely above a whisper, "To take your child, you won't know where we're going? Where she is?"
"I know." Lily said, "And the thought of it breaks my heart more than I could ever explain. But I chose Danica for these last nine months, and Harry has been all by himself. Now I need to choose him, and be ready for the fight we all know is coming."
"You know when it's going to be?" Tonks asked.
Lily nodded, "You two could always take care of yourselves, you wouldn't exactly need time to train… I… I just needed to work things out before I told you. Nikka was not happy when I swore her to secrecy, let me tell you."
"When?" Tonks asked, forcing herself not to crush Luca to her chest.
"End of April or the beginning of May." Lily said, digging her nails into her palms until they drew blood, "We may only have a matter of days. Which is why I need you guys to go, and be safe… with Danica."
"We'll be keeping our ears open." Tonks said, crying herself, "And light a candle for you all."
"Dora you can't mean…" Remus exclaimed.
Tonks wrapped his hand in hers, "Lily is right. We have to go, we'll take Danica and we'll be safe. Luca and Danica will be safe. I don't want to think of the world that will await her here if we don't and Lily… you call for us as soon as you win!"
"I promise." Lily said, wrapping them both in a tight hug, "Thank you, more than words can say, thank you. I've been trying to get in touch with Edward and Seraphine Parkinson, to try and get you some help once you're over there…but we've been struggling to get anything out the country."
"You said something about flying?" Remus said, still not happy about what was unfolding in front of him but realising any argument with Tonks was better had in private.
Lily nodded and pulled the envelope from her pocket, "I've booked you flights, for the 24th."
"That really is only three days away!" Tonks exclaimed.
"I'm sorry…" Lily said, shaking her head, "I know I just… telling you made it so real. I have passports for you, blank at the moment… and we have enough of a store of polyjuice potion to get Remus over…"
"We'll need new names, wont we?" Tonks said, taking the red books, "Only two?"
"Danica and Luca can travel on yours, as their parents." Lily said, trying to control the fresh wave of tears threatening to make an appearance.
"Have you told Danica?" Remus asked.
Lily shook her head, "Not yet. I wanted to get this bit, telling you both, out of the way first. I have a house all set up for you, it has a basement that you should have no trouble turning into a… a cage for you both. And a bank account with a several million dollars in it. I emptied out the Potter vault at the beginning of the year. It's all yours, until you can come home."
"And if we can't?" Remus asked, "If we never make it home?"
"Then it's yours." Lily said, with a very sad smile, "Use it to give Danica the best life she could possibly have."
"I don't want to do this." Remus said, his voice full of harsh edges.
"I don't want to do this either." Lily said, running her hands through her hair. It was weird having it so short but Danica kept pulling it in the night, when she was having nightmares, it was more practical short, "I have to put my children first, and so do you." she smiled.
"How does it work?" Tonks asked, "Flying?"
Lily explained how they would go to the airport, check in and board a plane and then do everything in reverse once they landed. It sounded complicated and simple all at the same time. They'd manage though, they'd faced worse and lots of people had to fly for the first time as adults.
Andromeda was in the garden, trimming the first of the spring flowers, when Tonks and Remus walked down to see her, Luca tucked safely in Remus's arms.
"It's good to see you up and about." Andromeda smiled, cooing over Luca, "He's such a happy little thing, unlike you! You cried all the time." she laughed.
"He really is." Tonks smiled, "Mum… we have to talk."
Andromeda lowered her tea cup back to the table having not taken a sip, "You… you are leaving… for America of all places?"
Tonks and Remus nodded.
"We don't want to." Tonks assured her, "But Lily made some very valid points… Luca, Danica, they deserve to be safe."
"I'll fight for you, my amazing, wonderful daughter." Andromeda assured her.
"And the second we can come home we will." Remus said, holding his softly crying wife tightly.
"Of course." Andromeda said, finally managing to take a sip of her tea, "Well… I suggest we go and find your father. And then we'll get packing."
Tonks followed her mother back into their bedroom, Remus and Ted were digging out the largest trunks they could find and transforming them to look 'muggle'.
Tonks pulled out the tiny sets of baby clothes she had, packing them carefully before even thinking about starting on her own clothes. Andromeda sat on the bed, singing softly to Luca as she held him tightly.
"Lily said the battle will be no later than May." Andromeda smiled, "I wont miss too much of his growing."
"Mum… we might not… if things go badly…" Tonks said, unsure of how to say what needed to be said, "You never were a fighter mum…"
"I know." Andromeda smiled, "But Dora… if you were separated from Luca, would you walk away from the fight that might bring him back to you?"
"I don't want you to die, mummy." Tonks choked, feeling like a tiny child again.
Andromeda stood up, easily balancing Luca in one arm and used her free hand to stroke her daughter's cheek, "I will try not to, I promise."
Tonks leaned into her mother's soft touch and smiled, "This will all be over soon. I'm not even going to bother unpacking until the end of May." she laughed, trying her best to sound brave.
A hundred thoughts had gone through her mind over how this would end. She would die, she would lose Remus, or Lily, or her parents… she'd never imagined she would run away. That she'd not be standing there at the final battle fighting for her future. It wasn't her.
But maybe it this was the tougher fight, at least that's what she had to tell herself. It was certainly terrifying enough.
Nikka knocked softly on the door, something Tonks was very grateful for as it distracted her from the tears forming in her eyes.
"You heard?" Tonks said, forcing a smile.
Nikka nodded, "Yeah… I'll miss you that's for sure."
Tonks nodded back, "It all seems very surreal I must say."
"I'll be fighting for you." Nikka said, helping refold some of Tonks's rather poorly folded clothes, "I need you to know that. And that no one thinks you couldn't fight. I must admit I'll sleep easier knowing it's you and Remus looking after and protecting her."
"I'd never thought about Danica's life if we lost, because if we lose, it meant we're all dead." Tonks said, thinking of Danica being trapped, all alone in the world. She let the tears flow freely, it was too much effort to keep them in any more.
"We wont lose." Nikka said firmly.
"We might." Tonks shrugged, "That's why Lily is sending us away, right?"
Nikka didn't say anything.
Andromeda lay a hand on her daughter's shoulder, "We wont lose. We can't lose, not completely, not if you are over in America, remembering us all."
Tonks wrapped her mother in a tight hug, pulling in Nikka as well.
No one at Malfoy Manor slept that night, instead wandering through the silent halls, hugging Luca and Danica and each other, watching the gardens from the high windows.
But however hard you try, you can't stop the sunrise.
