TITLE: WHAT MATTERS MOST

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Castle.

SUMMARY: It takes place after THE NOSE (Ep 05) and goes AU from there. Kate realizes that it's stupid to hunt LokSat on her own to protect the ones she loves because they will always have be in the crosshair especially since they all know about LokSat. Whenever a case might be connected to LokSat their lives will be in danger. So they team up to find LokSat and take them down – together.

A/N: I felt like the whole season 8 script was ... very weak. So I tried to up it a little and give it my own.

It is just a stupid article, completely made up as usual, but her hand is shaking anyway while she reads it. Castle is on page six again, with a beautiful blonde woman in a restaurant. She's holding tight onto his arm while he leans into her to whisper something in her ear that made her laugh genuinely.

"Failed marriage #3: Rick Castle is back on the market" reads the headline. "It's only been a few weeks since he and NYPD Captain Kate Beckett, the inspiration for his wildly successful Nikki Heat series, separated, but he has been seen yesterday at Roccos cuddling and love gazing with Madison Queller, owner of the famous Q3 restaurant. Sources confirm that the separation between him and his third wife is final due to irreconcilable differences. He and Captain Kate Beckett, NYPD, got married not even a year ago in an intimate ceremony after he disappeared minutes before his wedding in the Hamptons and was missing for two months. Maybe his disappearance was indeed a publicity stunt and he got cold feet."

It stings. It hurts. Bad. Really bad. Kate frantically wipes away the tears although she knows that the story is probably just made up. She knows that Maddy would never do this to her, she would never date Rick without talking to her first if she would be okay with it and if it really was over. She left several messages this morning already telling her that it was not the way it looked like. She quickly sends her a message to calm her down.

I know. Don't worry, Maddy. Coffee this week?

She knew Maddy would never try to steal her husband. Castle probably had dinner with Madison in his attempts to win her back but seeing him happy with another woman while the tabloids scream that their marriage was over hurts. It really, really hurts. Sources confirm that the separation is final. What sources? Who would say something like that? Is Castle tired of waiting for her?

"Kate!" His voice, his desperation calms her. No, of course not. He would never let her go this easily and this fast. Not if he was still trying everyday to win her back, sending her the most romantic, funny messages, just to make her smile. He just sent her one late last night "dreaming of you lying next to me" that broke her heart and left her crying for hours. No, it was definitely not final. She throws the newspaper in the trash and embraces herself for her meeting with Castle. What should she do? This article is perfect as a cover for LokSat, but what does she say to him? She bites her lip again, cringing as her teeth hit the raw flesh. Yeah, right, she bit her lip a tad too much the last few weeks.

"Guys, it's not what it looks like. I swear! She's just a friend. She's Beckett's friend!" Castle's voice brings her back into reality, panic washes over her. Shit, the boys!

"And why should we believe you? Hm, Castle? Beckett suddenly breaks up with you after not even a year of marriage and you are telling us that this means nothing? What have you done that she's already enough of you? Hm?" Esposito stands right in front of him, stares him down with so much hate and anger that it takes her breathe away. What have I done?

"Yeah, Castle what have you done?" Ryans voice is reproachful, hurt seeps through it.

"Knock it off, guys!" She says angrily, staring at Esposito and Ryan. Then she meets Castle's gaze and she wishes she would die instantly. The hurt, confusion and pain on his face breaks her heart, his eyes screaming "yeah, what have I done?". It takes her breath away, makes her heart aching and screaming. No, no, no.

"Castle ..."

"I should leave ..." He turns before she could say another word.

"Yeah, you bet! Go back to your glamorous life, your parties and the Hamptons!" Ryan calls after him and she can see how his shoulders drop even lower than they already are. He looks defeated, dejected and it breaks her heart even more.

"Guys, stop it!" She should go after him, apologize, explain whats really going on or just drop it and go home with him. She's tempted to do it. Like she's been tempted a hundred times every day. But it's better this way than if he's dead because of her. She cannot live in a world without him in it.

"We're really sorry for what he did to you, Beckett." Her hands clench into fists at Ryans words. She almost hits him right in the face.

"Did to me? You have absolutely no idea whats going on. Why do you think that our separation was his fault?" Esposito snorts.

"Because it's Castle we talk about! That guy thinks with the wrong body part." She closes her eyes to suppress her tears and her anger before she really punches him in the face. She knows that Esposito loves and protects her like a big brother and she's more than grateful for that but she could kill him right now for that.

"Yeah, well, it's not his fault. He didn't do anything. And he was right – the woman he met yesterday? She is a friend of mine, a really, really good one. It's not what it looks like." While she turns she catches Vikrams gaze on her. The guilt and regret on his face almost cause her to lose balance in her heels but Esposito catches her arm and steadies her. She yanks her arm free without thanking him and runs in her office, Vikram close behind.

"What did you do?" She hisses the second he closed the door behind them.

"I thought it would keep him safe if your breakup would be public."

"Do you? Or are you just trying to destroy my marriage? Because if this was your goal you might have been successful and broke the heart of a really good man." The regret on his face is almost too much for her.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make it easier for you. I didn't know that he was dating someone." Easier for me? Easier?

"Go." She breaks down the moment he left the office. Her whole body is aching, trembling, shaking, tears streaming down her face. She feels like she's dying. She wishes she would because everytime she closes her eyes she sees his face again.

The call comes in the middle of the night. Kate just went to bed an hour ago, trying to chase new leads to LokSat. Her head is so heavy with sleep and exhaustion that it takes her a while to find out what that strange ringing noise in her head is. Since she left Castle she barely slept, spending almost every wake hour to get to LokSat as fast as possible so she can go back to him. Her heart aches and she has to fight back tears when she thinks of him, wakes up lonely in the bed of her hotel room and not at home with his hot body next to her, comforting her, calming her after the devastating nightmares in which she always finds him dead – murdered by LokSat and Ritas Voice in her head "anybody who dies now, that blood is on you".

The strange noise starts again and now she knows what it is. Her phone! Nausea floods instantly through her body, making her sick like every time her phone rings since this hell broke loose. She's wide awake now, grabbing her phone from the nightstand and taking a look at the display. The image of a beautiful young woman with red hair and fierce blue eyes looks at her. It's 4:34 AM and she feels like she's dying inside.

"Alexis?!" No, no, no, no, please, no.

"K-Kate?" She can hear the fear in the voice of her stepdaughter, shaking, and trembling. Kate doesn't know how to breathe, her whole body goes cold. "It's... it's dad. It's bad. Please, Kate, you need to come. I-I ... I-I don't know what to do, please come." No, no, no, no, please, please, no. Her nightmares come alive inside her head again, flooding her with images of Castle, dead in a pool of blood, his eyes wide open, frightened, accusing her. Nightmares that leave her sleepless at night and restless at day.

She has no idea how she got to the loft. Did she take a cab? Did she drive herself? Images from the last time she's been here with everything flooded with cops after the attempt during their case with Mia the Nose. The fear she felt then is a joke compared to the fear she feels now with everything being radio silent. Her hands are shaking so badly that her keys keep falling to the floor. Castle, please, please. The door flies open and with it Alexis is in her arms. She is still shaking, pressing her tight against her chest.

"Kate, thank god!"

"W-where is he, Alexis? Is he okay?"

"No, he's far from okay." Kate gasps, her blood turns ice cold in her body, and her world is turning. "No, Kate, no, no, no, I'm sorry! He's okay, he's okay! He's alive. He's just ... I've never seen him this way ..." He's okay, he's alive. Her legs are suddenly too weak to carry her and she sinks into the arms of Little Castle. "I'm sorry, Kate, I'm sorry. He's okay!" The young redhead assures her, rubbing her arms, and her back, trying to soothe her until Kate can finally breathe again. She steadies herself, blinks away the tears, and takes a deep breath. He's okay.

"Where is he?"

"In his office." Kate tries to calm her heart beating hard against her cage, bruising her from the inside while she crosses the room to reach the office.

"What happened?"

"I have no idea, I was so busy with the PI cases, helping him with NYPD cases. I honestly thought he was fine. He was happily trying to win you back, celebrating every small win, every moment that you shared. I thought that that was enough for him. But I ... I ..."

"What is it, Alexis?"

"It's my fault! I should have seen that it's just an act."

"No, no, honey, that's not your fault!" It's only my fault. I broke him. His face from last week haunts her once again.

"He was too happy, too vibrant. I guess I was just happy that he was not devastated that you left him and that I didn't want to see it. But now I see how he looked worse every day, how the circles beneath his eyes darkened every day, and the look in his eyes became more and more haunted." She breathes shakily. "I was out with Haley late last night and decided to sleep at the loft because it was nearer but I couldn't sleep, went done to make some hot chocolate when I saw that there was still light in his office. I thought 'good, maybe he's writing and lost track of time'. You know how often that happened when he's right in it. But then ... then ... I ... saw this ..." Kate gasps loud in shock when she sees what Alexis means.

The office is a mess, plastered with papers, and threads going from one board to another, straight through the room. She follows one thread to a board with images and details on Thailand, stitched with cards. She reads the words "why?", "Are they lying?", "what did really happen?", "where was I?". She swallows heavily. Is he investigating his disappearance again? Did she trigger it by telling him that he has no right to worry about her because she was only missing for thirty-six hours while he was missing for eight weeks and she trusted him then and took him back although he didn't remember most of it? And you also told him that there would be no more secrets.

"I think he remembered something from the time he was missing." Alexis' voice startles her and she turns to her with questions in her eyes. Alexis points to another board. L.A. She's right, that's new. Maps, images, and other cards with his writing on them. Threads spinning between the boards and straight to the room to the board right in front of him.

"Did you ask him?"

"Yes, but he doesn't talk to me. He's been like that since I found him an hour ago." Kate's eyes find his figure sitting on the edge of his desk, staring at the board in front of him. His broad shoulders hide what he's looking at. "He doesn't hear me, he doesn't see me. It's like he's somehow trapped inside his mind, lost in his memories, not reachable for anybody from the real world." Alexis' grip on Kate's hands grows tighter. Since when are we holding hands? "I tried everything but it's like I'm not even here. I'm so scared, Kate. I've never seen him like this." Alexis sobs, Kate can sense her fear streaming from her, catching herself with ice-cold fingers.

She tries to shake the feeling, takes a few deep breathes, and crosses the room to get to him. She has to bow beneath a few threads connecting his thoughts until she reaches him. She doesn't look at the board when she slips between him and the board, trying to get his attention but he just leans on the other side. His eyes are flicking fast from point to point, his lips constantly moving tonelessly.

"Castle?" She touches his shoulder but he just shakes her hand off, and pushes her aside without even looking at her. He seems like he's buzzing, vibrating with thoughts. He smells like coffee and scotch.

"He did the same with me. I think he hasn't slept in days, maybe longer. I don't know when was the last time he ate something. He was like that some time ago when he was working on a Derek Storm novel and he was stuck with his plot. But it only lasted for one night and he was still responding to me. I never saw him like that." Kate takes in his features. They are sharper than she remembers, his eyes in deep holes, days old stubbles over his cheeks, his hair dark and wild. Just like the expression in his eyes. Her gut wrenches. Did I do this to him? Tears flood her eyes, running down her cheeks.

"Rick, Babe, it's me. It's, Kate." He doesn't flinch, not once. As if she wasn't here. He just keeps murmuring words nobody can hear. She cups his cheeks, his stubbles pricking in her skin, her thumb brushing over his cheekbones, running one hand through his muddled dark hair. He's so adorable. She can feel her center burning for him with desire like it always does when she sees him. He reaches for her hands, and draws them from his face, soft and slow, but it still makes her heart ache, makes her longing for his touch even more.

"It's right there I know it", he murmurs. Kate turns to face the board and her heart stops beating. Fear holding its tight in ice-cold fingers, making it hard for her to breathe, to think, to do anything. Images of Castle bleeding out on the floor flooded her mind. Then nausea kicks in, overwhelms her, and weakens her knees. No, no, no, no, no!

She closes her eyes to keep the tears from coming. She knew it was only a matter of time before he found out that she was hiding something. She just hoped that it takes him more than four weeks.

"Oh my god", Alexis grasps behind her, "he is investigating LokSat. He thinks that his missing time is connected to what happened last month!"