Chapter 18 - Home On Naboo

Author's Note: There's an epilogue next week. :)

~ Amina Gila


They're on Naboo again, back to where it all started. It seems fitting, somehow.

But right now, all Anakin can focus on is that Palpatine isn't here anymore. During their absence, some of the clones had come, taking him back to Coruscant. He's still alive as far as they know – if he wasn't, Anakin's certain he would've sensed it – but he doesn't know what Dooku intends to do with him. Surely, he wouldn't risk something as stupid as killing the former Chancellor, but it's hard to say.

Especially if Palpatine is really a Sith, but all they have is Dooku's word for that.

"I don't see how that could be true," Padme tells him, shaking her head. She's still struggling to come to terms with everything that just happened, too. The Senate still exists right now, and Dooku's made no moves against it, but how long that will last is still questionable.

"I don't, either." It doesn't make sense. But then why didn't it feel like a lie?

"How could the Jedi have never seen it, if it were?"

It's a rhetorical question, really, because Anakin has no answer to it.

"Have you thought about what you'll... do now?" Padme inquires, shifting a little closer to him. They're by the fireplace in the Lake House, the same way they were several years ago when Anakin first truly realized how he felt towards her.

"A little. None of us have... determined anything." It's not something he ever even dreamed he'd have to worry about. He can fly and fix things, but it feels like he should be actively helping people, somehow.

"You have time," Padme replies, "When my terms as Queen were coming to an end, I had no idea what I would do. But then the Queen offered me to become Senator." She smiles, faintly, but there's a... look in her eyes, and he knows what it means. "I know it will take time to figure out. And... I don't know if you're ready to think about this yet, but the war is over now."

Yes, what they agreed on while on Mon Cala. He wants it so much, especially now because he doesn't have any other future right now. And technically, none of the Jedi's rules are the same anymore. It's something he would have to somehow explain to Obi-Wan, though, but... At least he doesn't have to do it in secret.

"We can, if you're ready," Anakin replies, firmly.

"Then we can make it real," Padme says, an unusual glimmer of near excitement in her eyes, "We can marry."

Anakin nods, a flicker of happiness sweeping through him, despite everything. "Alright. But somehow... we will have to explain this to everyone."

And for that, he doesn't quite know where to start.

**w**

Ahsoka is admittedly nervous when she and Jacen finally find a chance to speak with Anakin. Of course, she is, but it's what needs to be done, right? "We... wanted to ask you something," she says at last, awkwardly. Normally, Ahsoka never has problems with interacting with others. She's never embarrassed, really, never has a reason to be. But this is still uncomfortable because she has no idea how it's normally done.

"What is it?" Anakin inquires. There's a weighted look in his eyes – has been since Geonosis – but at least he looks happier now.

"It's about us," Jacen replies. "Something with Ahsoka and I changed after... Lola Sayu, and I thought we should ask if you... approved?" It comes out sounding as uncertain as Ahsoka feels about asking this herself.

She senses a flicker of amusement in the Force. "No, I don't know why I would be bothered by it," he assures, "I know you will take care of each other."

She nods, warmth spreading through her with a mix of excitement. This means it... can be real, though it already was real. They're still young – they're only sixteen right now, but Ahsoka still somehow feels better that at least something of her future will be decided. It means she will eventually be able to have a family outside the Order, the one which is now gone.

"Thank you," she says, grinning, diving forwards to hug him. Anakin pulls them both into a tight embrace. "For everything." He stayed with them. He didn't have to. He had a right to be angry – she couldn't even blame him if he was.

"It's nothing," Anakin assures, "It's what family does."

Ahsoka is fortunate to have them, truly. Both of them. How they were able to stay so kind despite where they're from, she can't even imagine. That's what brought about the Jedi's fall, she knows – their inability to see things like this regularly. They cannot truly end corruption if they don't experience it, too. "Thank you for choosing me to be your family, then."

"And you for choosing us, Ahsoka," Anakin echoes the sentiment, "You chose us as much as we did you."

"I'm just glad we got a chance to be together again," Jacen says, "I was afraid it might not work out."

"But it did," Anakin replies, "We're here, and that's what counts."

Yes, it is, even if the knowledge of what has happened everywhere else hurts sometimes. But they earned this.

**w**

"I can't believe some people here literally think I'm a deity," Anakin grumbles, and Jacen chokes back laughter. "I thought Naboo was more civilized."

"It is civilized," he points out cheerfully.

"Then how could they see a human as a deity?"

"You did save their planet," Jacen chirps.

"That does not mean they need to worship me," Anakin replies, flatly. He never liked the fame – or scorn – being the Chosen One brought him, and Jacen supposes this concept is a little similar. Sort of. At least it means they have a sense of freedom they never used to though.

"Hey, at least it might make finding a job here easier."

"That depends whether or not I'm trying to avoid attention," Anakin replies, "And I don't know how long I can just fix machines. We were all made for more than this. And with our skills, it feels like we should be doing more."

"Maybe we can eventually," Jacen responds, "But not yet. I think we all need a little time to learn to live."

"Perhaps," his brother agrees, and it's so freeing to be with him again. Jacen scoots closer, leaning against him, resting his head on his shoulder.

Anakin reaches out almost instinctively, wrapping an arm around him. "It's good to have you back," he murmurs softly. "I was so afraid you were gone forever."

"I'm not going anywhere," Jacen promises, "You don't need to worry about that."

"I know," Anakin admits, "But sometimes, I can't help it. I know you would never willingly leave us, and I wouldn't either, but sometimes... I fear something else will happen to force us apart."

For a moment, Jacen is quiet. He doesn't know how to respond to that, not when it's the center of many of his own fears. "I won't let it if I can help it. I won't leave you ever again." Not if he has anything to say about it. It hardly felt like he did last time either, but maybe... Either way, he won't let it happen again. It's not much, but it's still the most he can offer.

"I know you won't." It really won't mean much, Jacen knows, if something forces them apart, but he can try to hope otherwise. Some things never really fade, and he doesn't think the very real fear of losing his family again will disappear anytime soon.

"I missed you," Jacen breathes quietly, snuggling closer.

"I missed you, too," Anakin tells him, "We all did. It was so... lonely sometimes to be at the Temple and know you weren't there with me. I promised Mom I would protect you when we left Tatooine, but... I didn't do that."

"It wasn't your fault," Jacen promises immediately, "You couldn't've helped that we were separated on Geonosis. You were only doing your duty, and I... thought I was doing mine." Maybe he was, he still isn't sure.

"We both did what we thought we had to," Anakin assures, "There's nothing wrong with that. The most we can do is learn and move on. We can't change the past. And... we had to come here, to Naboo, for a reason. We might not see it now, but I know we will eventually."

"I suppose so," he agrees, reaching out to squeeze his brother's hand, "But I can't stop remembering how I know you must've been feeling after what happened, and I... could've prevented that, instead of taking Ahsoka too."

"Jacen," Anakin says, seriously, enough that he pulls back a little to look up at him, "Is this what's fueling the Dark Side?"

"... What?"

"Your guilt over what happened."

"That and... everything I did while I was gone," Jacen admits, meeting his brother's gaze, "It didn't always feel that different from what I did as a Jedi, but... It still felt like I was fighting you, especially later. Dooku kept telling me I was also doing it for you, but I..."

"And you were," Anakin assures, "You don't need to hold onto this. You can let it go."

"Let go of the Dark Side?" he repeats. It's not something he's ever truly considered before. It became a part of him, and he didn't think he really could get rid of it again. "How could I?"

"If what's fueling you is guilt, you don't need to keep... doing that. You are not a Sith, the way the Jedi teach of."

That's true, and it feels like maybe part of what he's needed all this time is the permission to let go of his guilt, to stop... drowning it. He never felt like he had the right to, and he still doesn't, but he can't believe his older brother could be wrong about that. He's... well, he's Anakin.

"I'll try," Jacen says, giving him a small smile, then pauses, "And don't say there is no try."

His brother's amusement momentarily flares. "I was not intending to."

On that note – "Have you ever wondered why Master Yoda didn't say 'no try, there is' instead of the other way around?" He's been wondering for years, okay?

"... yes. Obi-Wan told me not to be disrespectful."

"But it's not disrespect!" Jacen protests, cracking up, "It's just a question!"

"I know," Anakin agrees, and for a moment, Jacen thinks he actually looks happy. "Perhaps we can meditate together. I can help you, if you do not think you can find calm on your own."

Something warm flares him – this is nothing like 'teaching' or 'help' was with Ventress. Then again, of course it isn't. There's no one as amazing as his brother. "Thank you."

They slide off the couch, sitting on the floor across from each other. Jacen reaches into the Force, trying to do it the same way he once did, not how he has since Geonosis. The Dark Side calls to him instantly, but he tries focusing on his brother's presence instead, letting its burning brightness of a star, but somehow so soft, ground him.

And somehow, when touching that, finding some semblance of calm deep inside himself isn't as hard as he thought it might be. He reaches for the Light, letting it flood through him. It's far more peaceful than he's felt in so long.

Even if it can't last, he'll definitely never regret this moment.

**w**

Being back with his family is as welcome as it is strange. Ever since he's been able to spend so much time with Anakin, somehow, it's been easier to reach the Light again.

The guilt isn't gone, but he's still been able to accept what happened. Somehow. At least he knows he can try to move on from it and try to do something better from here. He does think Dooku is helping, though, maybe. At least the war is over, and Qui-Gon and Yaddle are right that living among the people is far more effective.

They've both been surprisingly welcome to having him here.

Everyone has, except Obi-Wan. They were never that close, and Jacen can't blame him, but he still wishes things could be different, and the only one to take any steps in that direction will have to be him. He should, anyway.

"Obi-Wan?" Jacen asks, fighting back his nervousness, the next time he finds a chance for them to be alone.

His padawan-brother looks up, gaze icing over as always. "What?"

"I – I just wanted to tell you that... I'm sorry."

He seems slightly caught off-guard at the comment. "If you were willing to do it once, what surety do we have you won't repeat it?" he asks, sharply.

"I want to be with my family. I always did. I was just trying to do what the Jedi taught – putting the greater good above that. Above my own wants."

"That's why Jedi are warned against attachment," Obi-Wan replies bluntly, though Jacen can't blame him for that bitterness either, really. "It is easy for it to cloud our vision."

"It was my attachment to Anakin, and to Ahsoka, that helped me come back," Jacen throws back, "If I didn't have them, I would have no reason not to be with Dooku right now."

"You should never have joined him in the first place," Obi-Wan retorts, as if he doesn't know that.

There's no use arguing his point anymore, is there? "I don't expect you to... forgive me for that, either," Jacen replies, looking down. He can see why Anakin has such a hard time looking Obi-Wan in the eye sometimes. "But I wish we didn't have to argue every time we talked."

He'd oddly quiet, for a long moment. "You don't feel as Dark anymore," he notes, finally.

"I'm... trying to work on that," Jacen admits, shifting almost uncomfortably. "Anakin talked to me about it. I... don't want to keep using it, if I can let it go."

"You can never truly let go of the Dark Side," Obi-Wan argues.

He's always like this, isn't he? Just finding some point to dispute? Jacen can only assume his lack of objection to them constantly arguing about... the past means that he agrees with him. "The Jedi only know the Dark Side from the outside," Jacen points out, "It's not as blinding as they say. Or at least, it doesn't have to be."

"You know very little of the Dark Side."

"The Jedi do as well, seeing as they don't use or learn about it," he reminds, "I've learned that."

"Have you?" Obi-Wan asks, dubiously.

Jacen sighs. "Do we need to keep debating this?"

"I suppose not," Obi-Wan concedes, "So long as you do not turn against the Jedi again."

"I won't." Well, he's not on their side in the first place, but he's not really on anyone's side anymore. Maybe that's for the best.

Obi-Wan nods, seemingly... minorly satisfied, though Jacen doesn't know if Obi-Wan actually believes him. "Then I imagine there's matters you need to attend to."

He tries not to let it sting as they head off, but still, he thinks maybe interacting in the future will be... easier. Hopefully.

**w**

Now that they've been here on Naboo for a little while, everything is slowly getting slightly easier. It's not perfect, not at all, far from it, in fact, but sometimes, he dares to hope there might be a way of... everything improving. But still, being away from the Temple is hard. Knowing that there are no other Jedi out there to help anymore makes it even harder. All of them are in the same condition as Obi-Wan himself, though most are worse, because Obi-Wan knows people on Naboo. He's well-respected here, and they accept him, Anakin, and Qui-Gon.

That makes it marginally easier, but sometimes, he can't help dwelling on the past anyway.

Anakin approaches him hesitantly one day, slightly nervously. "Padme and I were talking about getting married," he blurts out, and Obi-Wan looks at him blankly before it takes a few moments to settle in that he is not, in fact, lying. As if he would. And... okay, Obi-Wan knew about how Anakin felt towards Padme and vice versa. He understands it, because in his younger years, well... he prefers not to think much about Satine. Though really, Anakin doing it wouldn't have the same meaning as back when Obi-Wan was young. Now, there is no longer an Order.

"That would be a direct violation of the Jedi Code."

"Not all of us will be able to stay true to the Code if we are to live as commoners," Anakin reminds. "Times are changing. Everything has changed." It's obvious already that nothing Obi-Wan says will stop him, and... maybe that's not a bad thing.

"Yes, they have," he agrees reluctantly. Before, he might have objected more, but Anakin is a Knight now. He's not a padawan, and this is a choice he has to make himself. Obi-Wan can't make it for him, for as hard as it sometimes is to accept that. "We will not always be able to remain true to the Code in these times."

"I'm used to living outside the Order," Anakin says finally, "I... can't imagine what it would be like to have only known one life."

He's not entirely sure how to respond to that. "My only living among the Jedi doesn't mean I don't understand how to live," Obi-Wan replies, "I was on an extended mission to Mandalore, the longest one I have ever been on. I had to learn what it meant then."

"You're more fortunate than most."

"It was during a war, and Mandalore is different than most places," Obi-Wan replies, "But perhaps in a sense."

"I wish it could be easier for everyone, but there's nothing we can do about that anymore."

That's why he still cannot believe Anakin accepted Jacen and Ahsoka back so fast. Yes, it is the Jedi way to let go, but still. After what they did... no, Obi-Wan shouldn't hold it against them, but he has a legitimate reason to be wary about trusting them. He has a good reason to be careful with them.

"I just... wanted you to know," Anakin says, finally, "Before Padme and I... went any further."

He's grateful for that much, given everything about Shmi. Maybe... whatever it is that was broken between them is slowly rebuilding. "Thank you for coming to me."

"Of course." Maybe... whatever broke between them is already mending.

**w**

Of course, Rex was able to find a way out and come back. Anakin isn't surprised about that, and nor is he surprised when his former Captain shows up at their house on Naboo. He'd be more surprised if it didn't happen eventually, actually. "I knew you would come back," Anakin says first thing, stepping outside. The clone, accompanied by Domino Squad, are still dressed in their armor and everything, though Anakin's fairly certain they've been making an effort to blend in.

"Sir," he replies, pulling off his helmet, "Sorry for taking so long."

"It's fine," Anakin assures instantly. "Really. I didn't know what happened. I wish I could have helped you myself."

"The Kaminoans put inhibitor chips in all of us," he explains, almost bitterly, "We were told they were to make us loyal. Turns out it did. Just not for what they said it was."

Something twists sharply inside him. "What did they do?"

"They control us," Rex answers, "I was able to get mine out, but we'll need a larger scale movement to free all of us."

It makes a horrifying amount of sense. The clones were slaves to the Republic, at the end of the day, and Anakin always hated that, though even he doesn't know how to handle the fact that they were apparently being mind controlled. At least slaves on Tatooine never had their minds taken. "I'll help however I can," he promises.

"Thank you," Rex nods, "None of us knew where to start."

"We can't draw Dooku's attention, but there has to be a way," Anakin replies, "We'll figure something out. Together. All of us."

**w**

Jacen doesn't know why he never saw the chips in the clones coming, or... yes, he does. He could never have imagined Dooku capable of doing something like that. He was mind controlling the clones, enslaving them. He's never been more glad that he left when he did, before he accidentally became a part of that.

But it doesn't change that he respected him, and Dooku helped him and Anakin, and claimed to be against slavery, so why is he doing this?

No one's very happy at his desire to talk to Dooku again, but he needs answers.

Unsurprisingly, getting a holo-call with the Emperor takes a while, but it's easier when you're technically his missing-from-action apprentice.

"The clones," Jacen gets straight to the point, standing in front of the hologram, "You're mind controlling them. Aren't you?"

"It was a situation already present," he replies, much too calmly, "I took advantage of it. Some will always be lost for the greater good of the galaxy."

"They aren't being lost," Jacen replies, trying to keep his voice from rising, but he can't help it, "Their being controlled against their will! They're no better than slaves. You said you stand against that!" And how did he even know about the chips anyway? Unless...

"I am," he replies, "But for now, it is what must be done."

What must be done?! "How is that any different than what the Republic and Jedi were doing?" Jacen demands, angrily. Maybe... he can see the points his family was making more than he wanted to, now. Or maybe things have changed more and more throughout the war. Dooku's going to steadily greater extents to get what he wants, and... there has to be a limit. Somewhere.

"It is not permanent," he repeats, "If not for this, the entire galaxy would still be at war. They would keep fighting needlessly, alongside the Jedi. At least this way, there is a chance for peace."

He has a point, but there has to be a limit for that. "You keep saying that," Jacen says, breathing in and out in an effort to keep himself calm, "When does that end? When does the claim of doing everything for the greater good actually lead to destruction and hurting everyone instead?"

Dooku is quiet for a long moment, studying him. "I understand your questions," he says, finally, "It was not a desirable choice to make, but I saw no other. Your skills would be of help, but if you no longer desire to assist, I will not pressure you into doing so."

That... leaves him frustratingly unsure how to respond again. Dooku genuinely thinks what he's doing is right, and Jacen's always respected him – but in this, he knows he's wrong. It's this very 'greater good' mind sight that led the Jedi to ignoring the needs of so many. "I can't come back," he replies, firmly, even if it hurts far more than he thought it would, somehow, "I can't agree with this anymore."

"That is your choice," the Count replies, after a brief pause. Was he hoping to hear something else? "But I trust you will... not interfere."

He can't promise he won't do anything to help the clones. But he doesn't want to start another war.

"As long as you won't give me a reason to," Jacen answers instead, staring him down. Maybe most of this time, he hasn't been sure of himself, but on this, he can't and won't back down.

"I will only do what I must to restore order, as I have told you all along," Dooku replies, "If you ever desire to return, you may. My offer extends to your brother and friend, as well."

Jacen blinks, taken aback. He seriously thinks Anakin might agree to side with him?! But it's... It makes him wonder if, on some level at least, the Count does somewhat care for them, beyond their usefulness. It would make it easier if that weren't true. This being their likely last goodbye – on speaking terms, anyway – wouldn't hurt so much otherwise.

"I may consider it," he replies, finally, even if he doubts he actually will. Not unless something about Dooku changes completely. It's not something he can support anymore, so he doesn't know why he feels strangely empty when the hologram fades out, leaving him alone.

"He has always used questionable methods, as I told you," Qui-Gon's voice says from the doorway.

Jacen looks up sharply. "You were listening?"

"I overheard the end of it," he replies. There's something almost pained in his eyes, though, as if that's a shock.

"I wish it didn't have to end like this," Jacen says, quietly.

"As do I," Qui-Gon admits, "But this is a choice for Dooku himself to make. No one can make it for him."

He sighs, turning to head back to where the others are gathered. "I know."

Anakin and Ahsoka are sitting on the couch, with just enough room for him to squeeze in between them. He just... wants to be with them right now. He doesn't want to think about Dooku and Ventress anymore right now.

Ahsoka nudges him. "You could've asked me to move, you know."

He rolls his eyes with a lightness he doesn't fully feel yet. It'll come back, in time, though. This time, he actually believes that. "Don't leave the seat half open if you don't want someone to take it."

"What did Dooku say?" Anakin asks, after a pause.

"That he's doing what's necessary, and we can join him again if we want to."

"He cannot be serious," Ahsoka says, flatly, "How could he ever think we would do that, knowing what he's doing to the clones?!"

"We must find a way to free them," Anakin declares, firmly.

"Something that doesn't attract attention to us, but yes," Jacen agrees.

He can tell from the look on his brother's face that he's thinking about something... not easy. Probably Dooku again because Anakin looked up to him almost more than Jacen did once. Dealing with the knowledge that he was willing to do all of this is never going to be easy for any of them. All they can do is try to move on themselves and do what's actually right this time. And in truth, maybe being part of no Force Orders will make that easier.

Ahsoka reaches over, taking Jacen's hand, and he lightly squeezes it back.

Anakin's already talking about marriage with Padme, and it would be... nice, he thinks, for his brother to have that.

Maybe someday, Jacen and Ahsoka will too, though he doesn't care to think that far ahead right now. They're only sixteen, and they have years ahead of them, and battles to fight, and many things to do.

But most of all, right now he just wants to enjoy this moment with everyone in his family, while it still lasts. His brother, mother, best friend, father figure, grumpy... older brother-uncle-whatever, and maybe weird-grandmother. And his future sister-in-law, of course.

They're one very strange family, but at least he has that.

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