Finally the day came, the one he'd been waiting for since he first learned of magic. He would go off to Hogwarts. They'd had to go all the way to London on a strange-looking bus to shop for things he needed for school. He got his own wand but money didn't quite cover everything else. He got Ma's old Potions gear and school robes, still too long in the arms. Some of her textbooks were still on the inventory list he had received from Hogwarts — by owl! — while others were from the second-hand store. One day he'd be all grown-up and not have to deal with second-hand clothes, and he would be able to buy all the books he wanted.

The night before leaving he sneaked away to the mill again. Hermione was there, waiting for him. She was reading a book propped up on a crate but hopped up when he approached.

"Will you still be my friend when I'm at Hogwarts?"

She nodded. "If you invite me I can still come see you. Call for me outdoors first, it's easier that way."

"Good. I'm looking forward to learning all about magic, at least. Do you know magic?"

She tilted her head. "It's different for me, Severus. I'm not like you, not like that." Before he could say something she smiled and poked his shoulder. "I'm still going to make sure you do your homework, though."

He snorted, feeling quite relieved. She wouldn't leave him. "Do you want to go down to the river?"

"Can't we just stay here today?"

"Sure."

They flopped down on some old mill sacks Hermione had found somewhere and filled with cloth, and settled in to read.

~ x ~ xx ~ oo ~ xx ~ x ~

As it turned out Hogwarts was not what he had expected. It started already on the train when he and Lily were accosted by some boys he'd never seen before, and then Lily ended up in a different House than him. The boys immediately honed in on Severus being different, poor, and Northern, and continued to pursue him whenever they could.

Lily was fun to talk to but with her in a different House it wasn't easy to find good opportunities. It was as if Hogwarts was designed to only allow friendship with those of the same House, but they shared some classes and he often ended up paired with her in Potions and Charms especially. At least she also thought the Gryffindor boys were toerags, as she said, not worthy of attention. This of course annoyed them even more, especially when she chose Severus instead. They must have jinxed his broom during one of their first flying lessons, throwing him off like a rag and causing Madam Hooch to cancel all lessons for the day, and then they tripped him in the corridor on the way to lunch.

At least he had Hermione. It was a bit difficult to find a good place to meet with her since she didn't want to be around the others. She didn't want to go to the Slytherin common room but there were plenty of unused classrooms around, especially in the dungeons.

She taught him chess. He had known the rules before but never really got to play. Now she still beat him most of the time but the games lasted longer and she sometimes had to think a bit before choosing a piece.

It took him a while to realize no one else actually even saw her. They were sitting in an unused classroom near the Charms classroom when the door was suddenly flung open. Severus flew up from his seat, but to his relief it was only one of his Slytherin classmates and not the Gryffindors. Mulciber wasn't the brightest of them all but he was alright in small doses.

Hermione sat very still, almost fading into the wall. She shook her head slightly when he looked at her, wondering what to do.

"Oh, there you are. What are you doing here all alone? Been looking for you, they're playing a Gobstones tournament."

He looked at Hermione, not sure what to say. She bit her lip and nodded at him, making him twitch a smile at her.

"Sure, that sounds good." He got up and collected his stuff before shuffling after Mulciber, giving Hermione an awkward smile as he left her behind.

He spent the rest of the afternoon with the Slytherins and managed to win two games of Gobstones before being eliminated from the tournament.

The weekends were less busy and when he didn't hang out with Lily or Avery and Mulciber he often sought out Hermione, either down by the lake or in an abandoned classroom. He checked out books from the library for her, causing Madam Pince to take notice of him with how many books he read. Some of them were downright odd, such as books about Sumerian death rituals and eighteenth-century poetry.

"Why would you even want to be friends with someone like me, Hermione?"

She shrugged. "You're decent company and all you asked for was friendship. I like that. Plus you're not half stupid, it's nice to talk to someone who can actually string two thoughts together."

"Thanks, I guess?"

She grinned and poked his shoulder. "Don't let it get to your head or I'll have to pop it for you. Like a balloon."

~ x ~ xx ~ oo ~ xx ~ x ~

He wasn't exactly sure how but the Slytherin Prefect Lucius Malfoy took notice of him which in turn elevated his position in Slytherin quite a bit. His classmates were already aware that he was clever, often asking for help with homework especially for Potions. Lucius taught him how the Wizarding world worked, both in what he said and what he didn't say, and Severus was as usual a quick study.

Hermione and he played chess and other games, she taught him a few strange games with pieces carved from bone and oddly-shaped boards, and he taught her poker which he picked up from Lucius and the other Slytherins.

She followed him back to Cokeworth during the breaks. It helped to have a reason to avoid home, having company instead of the dreary misery caused by his father's drinking and his mother's refusal to do something about it.

Somewhere along the years he lost his heart to Lily. He didn't mean to, it just happened. She was bright and beautiful and smiled, sometimes even at him, and his hormones were a lost case. It got worse after kissing her a few times during the winter break in their fifth year when both of them remained at Hogwarts, but she made it quite clear nothing else would come of it after that and once school started again Lily started spending more time with her Gryffindor dormmates instead of him.

~ x ~ xx ~ oo ~ xx ~ x ~

The Gryffindor Marauders always knew where to find him, and when he was alone. It was uncanny.

Hermione was usually nowhere to be found when they attacked. They had talked about the situation, how she didn't want others to notice her, and Severus respected that even if he didn't quite understand the reason.

Sometimes he wondered, though.

They ended up in trouble in ways he hadn't arranged. One time all Gryffindor male dorms were infested with mice, making all of them late for class and causing Professor McGonagall to have to personally clean them out. Another time in the Great Hall the seats where the Marauders usually sat ended up sticky with something toffee based that was almost impossible to remove, making them have to ditch their trousers in the mess and run to their dorms to change. Things happened during class too, in Herbology and Potions there was often something going on with the Marauders' workstations after they had managed to drop something in someone else's cauldron or pot.

What hurt more was seeing Lily gradually spending more time with the Marauders, beginning to laugh at their stupid jokes, studying with them instead of with Severus. He ended up rubbing the stone to meet up with Hermione instead of hanging out with Lily, but was rarely in a good mood and sometimes almost didn't even notice her presence.

~ x ~ xx ~ oo ~ xx ~ x ~

The OWL exams brought with them another kind of surprise when they caught him on the lawn and he ended up humiliated in front of the whole school. Having his mouth run away with him and calling Lily an awful slur was also not quite what he had planned.

Late that night he must have rubbed the stone without really meaning to. He was caught off-guard by Hermione when she showed up next to him, walking back up to the Castle from the lake.

"Leave me alone!"

She disappeared in a blink, with just the faintest hint of lingering smoke.

Frantically he dug around in his pockets for the stone and rubbed it hard until he heard the rustle of clothes nearby.

"Hermione?"

She did show up again, with her arms crossed and not looking straight at him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean for you to leave me, but I wasn't really looking for company."

"So you weren't trying to get rid of me."

How was it possible for everything all at once to go to shit so fast, he wondered.

"What?! No, never! You're my friend, Hermione! I messed up with Lily, I don't want to lose you too!"

She hummed but at least she didn't go anywhere.

They ended up on top of the Astronomy tower with a few bottles of Butterbeer, her sitting on a windowsill and he on the floor beneath it while gazing at stars. She always knew more than him when it came to star signs and the old myths. It felt almost like old times, like when he was a kid and they were in the mill in Cokeworth.

~ x ~ xx ~ oo ~ xx ~ x ~

He grew up, anyway. Other things took priority over meeting with Hermione in secret. He made some more friends in Slytherin, Avery and Mulciber and Regulus Black and others, and spent time in their common room dreaming about a future where they would not have to answer to anyone else. He needed solid grades to have a shot at a decent future, but Lucius had all but promised to pull some strings to secure him an Apprenticeship contract in Potions.

She did feature in a few of his dreams and daydreams, especially the ones carried out in solitude with the drapes around his bed carefully closed and a piece of tissue at hand, but not always and not only. Lily was a strong contender. The daydreams faded even more after he made a deal with a Hufflepuff seventh-year during the spring of his sixth year, exchanging sexual favours for help with her Potions project in preparation for her NEWTs.

During his seventh year he only met up with Hermione a few times. She, too, seemed a bit distant. He blamed it on being busy preparing for NEWTs, but they also didn't have much to talk about any longer.

She did show up when his Da beat Ma one time too many and then got drunk enough to aspirate his own vomit during Easter that year. He didn't want to bring her to the shabby house that now was his, but she met him outside the church after the funerals and then accompanied him to the nearby pub where he proceeded to get wasted while she watched. She half dragged him back to the house, dropping him off at the stoop.

~ x ~ xx ~ oo ~ xx ~ x ~

The Apprenticeship and other favours Lucius offered him came with a catch, and the hook sank in one October weekend after he had left Hogwarts.

The pain of the Mark was worse than anything he'd ever felt before, his whole arm engulfed in searing fire that threatened his whole being, every nerve ending.

The guilt was worse, though. Now he'd truly done something irrevocable. There was no way out, not if he wanted to keep his head attached to his shoulders.

Dizzy with pain and guilt he fumbled with the Muggle key to Spinner's End. The stone flew out of his pocket, almost as if on purpose, and he snatched it up shakily before his legs gave out on the doorstop.

"Severus. You idiot."

He could only agree, lying on the ground curled up in a ball, shivering and sweating with his newly branded arm clutched in front of his chest.

She reached a hand down to him. At first he couldn't even focus on it and it took him a while to pull himself up. Her touch helped though, her cool hand taking the searing pain down a notch.

"Come let's go somewhere."

They ended up in a Muggle pub somewhere else, another small town near Birmingham, and either the beer or her presence made his heart a bit lighter despite the gravity of the situation.

He kept the necklace in his pocket but didn't call for her again. It felt wrong, each time he got the impulse to reach for it. As if someone like him didn't deserve a friend. As if she deserved more than he could ever be.