The cottage is dark. I really was not inclined to return here. I'm dreading a possible encounter with Ron but the idea of facing, what will surely be, a hard day without my wand is unthinkable.
I step lightly into the living room, and everything seems quiet. Perhaps he is already gone, but while I'm formulating this thought a noise makes me jump out of my skin.
It's nonetheless than Ron staring hard at me from the kitchen door.
'You are back' he says flat with a hoarse voice. His eyes are puffy and red, he must not have slept much.
'To take my wand and my things and I'll be gone again' I mutter picking up my wand from the floor where I let it drop. It feels like already ages are gone by and it's not even ten hours.
'To him?' he says narrowing his eyes.
'No, not to him' but as if I didn't speak, he continues 'You cannot leave me for him'
'I'm not leaving you for him' I snap annoyed passing him by and getting into the kitchen 'You know as well as I that our union wasn't meant to be. We turned a blind eye on it for too long'
He overtakes me swiftly standing in front of the fireplace, barring me the way.
'You are not going. I won't allow you to go'
I arch an eyebrow enquiringly; he hasn't even got his wand. But even if he would, does he think he can prevail on me?
'Ron, let me go. As you said last night, between us is over'
'Forget what I said last night' he snaps angrily 'Don't go'
I fold my arms on my chest 'I'm going. That you want it or not. We are too far gone to recuperate anything now. You can step aside, or I can jinx you. You get the choice.'
'Where are you going?'
'None of your business and I warn you; I already took steps to protect me and the children. I've already sent letters and if you try to give me a hard time, you'll pay for it. You know I've got connections and you know that in these cases is the mother that has got the better. Don't force me to be nasty. You know I will be the one winning this battle'
I see him falter under my threat. 'You cannot take the kids away from me' he hisses getting back his composure a moment later, but I perceive a tinge of panic in the way the sentence is uttered.
'I'm not planning to and if you cooperate, we can find a satisfying solution'
'Like what? Seeing them any other weekend? Become a stranger to them? You cannot do that' he bellows 'You cannot force me away from the house'
'You know I can, but I would rather prefer not to arrive to such an extreme. But I will if I must. Me and you' I say with conviction pointing to my chest and to his 'cannot live under the same roof anymore. And now you'll stand aside' I add pointing my wand against him.
'You cannot do that to me!' he shouts, spreading his arms in front of the fireplace and shaking his head 'You are not going to go, I won't allow you to push me away from my children. You will leave them to me'
'No Ron, you know it won't happen. I'm sorry we had to get to this but it's unavoidable. I assure you will see them as much as you want but they will stay with me, and you will move out as soon as you will be back'
He widens his eyes in horror 'No!' he starts to shout frantically 'You cannot leave me! You cannot! I won't let you go'
'Ok, right' I say losing my patience, turning on my heels and getting out from the kitchen.
'Where are you going?' I hear him asking behind my shoulders.
I don't answer and I walk to the door. The fireplace is not the only way for me to get away.
On getting in the open air, I hear hurried steps behind me but before they can catch up with me, I'm outside the protective boundaries. He shouts my name repeatedly endeavouring to stop me, and with consternation I realise the tone in which they are pronounced, it starts angry, as I was expecting, but he gets more afraid and agitated with each repetition until I don't turn to face him before to disapparate, and my name is become only a fluttering whisper, and there are tears in my husband's eyes, and something else. There is an expression of longing I recognise. And I recognised it because is the same expression I had many times on my face when looking at Harry.
'Don't go, please' his lips are saying without pronouncing any sound and then, at that precise moment, a truth, I never really believed in before, hit me fully; he indeed loves me. He had always loved me. And I've never been able to pay him back. I complained about him being cold toward me, but I was expecting something I didn't give him in the first place. It was me that kept him far with my lack of affection. I realise now what I've always felt too guilty to admit. I never loved him. It has been an adolescent crush. No more, no less. I've always knew it but felt too ashamed to own it. Everybody wanted us together; it was expected and cherished. Who was I to break everybody whish?
They are all painful discoveries but it's foolish to keep pretending are not real.
He deserved a better wife than me. A wife for whom he would always have been first.
Nobody likes to hold a second place in the heart of the loved one, who knows it better than myself?
Perhaps if that was the case his behaviour toward me would have been different.
But I cannot allow myself to twiddle with this idle thinking and I cannot allow myself to falter in compassion, this is the right thing to do. For both. A one-way love is not enough to sustain a relationship.
Therefore, I stare in those watery blue eyes in which I looked into with many different feelings in the last seventeen years, and I never imagined, when I tried to picture this moment, the predominant feeling would have been regret. I truly wish it could be different.
'Goodbye Ron' I say with a softer tone and It's with a heavy heart that I take that step that mark our final separation.