{ 37 }

My eyes opened suddenly. Cold sweat covered my forehead and I gasped for air against the images in my mind.

It didn't matter. Even with my eyes open, I saw Giles grabbing Hermione over and over again.

She was bloody brilliant, of course. And I just stood there…completely fucking useless.

In the dark, I reached for her, only to find the bed beside me empty and the sheets cold.

The bedroom door is open. The only light from the sitting room is the flickering of the fire in the hearth. I expected to find her there in front of the fire, but the sitting room is empty.

I rubbed at my chest absently. Anxiety clawed at my throat that had nothing to do with my dreams.

Something is wrong.

The pendant lying against my chest warmed against my skin. Not in a gentle way like the coin that Hermione had charmed. No, it was an insistent burning pain that spread throughout my chest and crept down my spine.

What in the actual fuck is going on?

My hand wrapped around the pendant that Ravenclaw had left for me. The burning sensation transferred to my hand and spread up my arm.

I closed my eyes and turned on the spot. The pressure of apparition squeezed around me for two heartbeats. As soon as I landed on my feet, my eyes popped open.

I glanced around quickly, ascertaining in an instant where I had reappeared.

The Astronomy Tower.

My heart froze in my chest.

Fucking hell. Why did the pendant bring me here, of all places?

My eyes darted around the space until they landed on the witch sitting on the floor.

She had her back to the wall. Her knees were pulled up in front of her chest, her arms wrapped around them. Her head was down and she was struggling to breath, gasping for air.

Merlin and Salazar.

I dropped to the floor beside her.

"Alright, Love. I'm here. It's okay. You are safe."

She lifted her head and opened her eyes. Her hand pressed against her heart.

"Breathe, Hermione." I hate that I have to remind her of that. I certainly don't want her to pass out again.

"I can't." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"You can." I slid my arm across her shoulder. "You have to."

She curled into my chest and took a short breath. It wasn't much, but better than nothing.

I don't know how long it took before she relaxed against me, before she was able to breathe normally again. It was still dark out. Still the middle of the night.

She didn't say a word. She didn't need to.

I am not the only one reliving that moment.

I continued to hold her against me, whispering in her ear and gently rocking her back and forth.

Just before dawn, she fell apart. Her tears flowed fast and furious. Her hands gripped my shirt as sobs wracked her body.

I held her through the storm, knowing that if I had just fucking done something in that moment, she would not be reliving one of the worst moments of her life right now.

I would be in Azkaban by now, sure. But she would be safe.

As the sun slowly started to rise on the horizon, her tears slowed but she continued to hold me tight. I never even considered letting her go.

"How?" She swallowed hard and cleared her throat. "How did you know where to find me?"

"I didn't." I rubbed my hand across her back in a gentle motion and watched the sunrise. "The pendant brought me straight to you."

She lifted her head and looked at me with red-rimmed eyes. I could see the questions there. Instead of asking, she released a deep sigh and dropped her head back to my chest.

I suddenly remembered the note Ravenclaw had left for me.

"Follow your heart. It will always lead you where you need to be."


[ - - - ]

Saturday morning the Great Hall was buzzing with excited chatter as everyone prepared for the upcoming quidditch game between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff.

Hermione could not have been less interested in the conversation. In fact, she had a book open in front of her, which she read diligently whilst the rest of the table debated the merits and faults of each team.

"Oi, Granger." Theo turned his attention to the witch beside me. He had to smack the table right in front of her book before she looked up.

"What?" Her eyes darted around for a moment before landing on him.

"It's snowing outside." His lip curled up on one side.

She blinked at him two or three times.

"And?" Her brow crinkled in confusion.

Theo's eyes darted to me, then back to her. I huffed out a short laugh.

She is wearing a short sleeved v-neck dark red shirt with gold sparkling flecks and black jeans. Her hair is loose and wavy. She looks amazing.

"And you are not exactly dressed for the weather." I finished for him. "You are going to freeze. Where is your cloak?"

She turned to face me and raised one brow.

"You aren't playing today." She stated, as though it were perfectly obvious why she is not dressed to go sit in the freezing cold bleachers, in the snow, and watch the game.

"I know." I smirked down at her. "We can sit together this time out."

Her eyes widened. I can see the debate going on in her mind as her eyes darted back and forth quickly.

She has no desire to go to this game. I know it. She knows it.

She cleared her throat.

"I'm not going."

You could hear a pin drop in that moment.

"Why not?" It was Tristan that asked. "Aren't all of your friends on the Gryffindor team?"

She blinked several times as she stared at him. I can practically see the wheels turning in her head as she contemplated how to explain to the kid that she hates quidditch with a fiery passion.

"They won't expect me to be there." She answered after a long moment.

"Why not?" He asked again as he stared at her with big, saddened eyes.

"Yeah, Granger? Why not?" Theo tried to imitate Tristan's look. It did not come off quite as well on him.

Hermione narrowed her eyes. Theo is taking the piss out of her. Tristan, on the other hand, is completely serious.

She swallowed hard. Her hand clenched into a tight fist under the table. I felt her entire body tense.

I put my arm around her waist.

She inhaled deeply. As she released the breath slowly, her shoulders relaxed. Her head tilted to one side and she tapped her fingernails on the table. Her eyes darted up to me and her lip tilted up on one side.

I narrowed my eyes. What the hell is she up to?

"If I were to go, I would expect the friends that I am sitting with to support Gryffindor as well." Her eyes darted around quickly. "I don't see much red at this table."

Tristan's eyes widened in surprise.

Damn, she is good.

Theo's eyes met mine.

"I don't believe I own anything that is red." Blaise huffed a short laugh.

"Oh! I have extras!" Her face lit up in a smile as she reached for her bag.

"Yeah. I don't fucking think so." Theo put his hands in the air and walked away.

"Not happening." Blaise shook his head and followed Theo.

Pansy flipped her hair over her shoulder, huffed, and caught up to Blaise.

"Sorry, Hermione." Tristan shook his head slowly. "You can't ask Slytherins to cheer for the Gryffindor team."

"I understand." She released a soft sigh and dropped her bag down on the seat beside her.

He looked like he was going to say something else, then thought better of it. He left shortly after.

"That was masterful." I spoke quietly in her ear. Is it odd that her Slytherin tendencies turn me on?

Probably.

She smirked to herself, turned and placed a quick kiss on my lips.

"If I wear a Gryffindor shirt, will you go to the match with me?"

I cringed to myself. What in the fuck was I thinking when I asked that?

You don't want her to be alone all day.

Yes. There is that.

I can still see Giles grabbing her arm and pulling her away from me. I don't particularly want her to leave my sight at the moment.

Her eyes searched mine for a long moment.

"Would you really do that?" She lifted one eyebrow.

If that is what it takes to keep you safe.

"I would."

Her lip tilted up on one side.

"As much as I would truly love to see that, I am going to pass for today." She smiled when I released a breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Go. Have a good time with your friends."

She thinks I'm relieved. It is just the opposite. I will be worried the entire time we are apart.

"And what will you be doing all day?" I asked her as we moved towards the doors.

"I am going to sit in front of the fire, read a book, and not have to interact with another person all day." Her hand squeezed tight around mine. "I will enjoy every minute of it, I assure you."

Brilliant. That makes me feel a bit better. At the bottom of the stairs, I tugged on her arm until she turned to face me.

"I'll see you later." Not a question. A promise.

"Of course you will." She looked up at me through her eyelashes and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. "You better go, or you'll miss the start of the match."

I leaned in and captured her lips in a lingering kiss.

"Where are you going to apparate from?" I asked quietly against her ear. The least I can do is walk her there.

She looked up at me in question. Her brow is wrinkled and her head is tilted to the side.

"I thought I would just walk." She answered slowly. "Why?"

Because I don't want you wandering around the castle on your own.

I blinked.

"How are you going to walk? The only way to get there is to apparate."

"Oh! No." Her mouth tilted up in a small smile and she shook her head back and forth. "I'm going to the library first, then to the Gryffindor common room. It's my quidditch day tradition."

The pressure on my chest grew tighter.

"What happened to sitting alone and avoiding people all day?" My hand reached up to rub across my heart.

Her eyes narrowed.

"Alright. Enough." She crossed her arms over her chest and popped her hip out to one side. "What the hell is going on?"

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat.

I stepped back and ran my hand through my hair. I released a deep sigh and stared up at the staircase rather than looking directly at her.

"I would feel better about leaving you alone if I knew you were safe." My jaw clicked into place and I waited.

She didn't say a word. She didn't need to. The glare she was shooting my way told me exactly what she was thinking.

She waited for a better explanation.

Damn it.

"Last night, when Giles grabbed hold of you…" I couldn't finish that thought. I closed my eyes and forced a deep breath. "I was right there and couldn't stop it. What if…what if he comes after you again?"

She released a deep sigh. Her fingers threaded through my hair and she leaned her forehead against mine.

"Draco. You don't have to be my bodyguard. And you can't be with me twenty four hours a day."

I know she is right. That doesn't make me feel any better.

"Besides, if he comes after me again, I'll just have to kick his arse again."

I huffed a short laugh. I have no doubt at all that she would do just that.

"You have to know I will still be worried." My fingers dug into her sides. "I could skip the game. Go with you to the library."

I cringed as soon as I said it. Merlin and Salazar. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"You will do nothing of the sort, Draco Malfoy." She stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest. "Go. Have a good time with your friends. I will be fine."

She was already on the fifth step before I realized she was leaving.

"Hermione. Wait." My chest constricted.

Fix this, you idiot.

"What, Draco?" She stopped and turned her head towards me.

Apologize.

"Just…be careful. Alright?" I didn't move to follow her. I know she doesn't want me to. "I don't trust him."

She dropped her head back and released a deep breath. Then she turned towards me and descended to the first step directly in front of me. She rested her arms on my shoulders and ran her fingers through my hair.

"I will be." She leaned in and placed her lips against mine in a lingering kiss.

Before she could turn and walk away again, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close. It took far too long before she sighed…okay, it was more of a huff than a sigh…and she hugged me back.


[ - - - ]

"I was starting to think you weren't coming." Theo had saved two seats in the top row. "Did Granger sit in the Gryffindor stands?"

I sat beside him. My leg bounced up and down in nervous energy.

"No. She's in the library." My hand tightened into a fist by my side. It's ridiculous. She has gone to the library alone a million times. She'll be fine.

Probably.

"Wait. She really isn't coming?" His lips lifted up in a grin.

"Because of us?" Tristan turned around and asked with wide eyes.

"No." I laughed. "Believe it or not, she would rather be reading than here, any day."

His eyes grew comically large whilst Theo started laughing.

"Typical Granger." He rolled his eyes and focused on the game, which was already in progress. "She couldn't relax and have fun if it were an assignment she was being graded on."

I punched his arm. Hard.

He deserved it.

It couldn't have been thirty minutes later, the coin in my pocket warmed against my leg. I slid it out and read the message on the face of the coin.

"Home safe and sound."

I breathed my first clear breath of the game.

"Thank Salazar."

I can almost see her rolling her eyes at me. But that's okay.

I slid the coin back in my pocket and enjoyed the game.


[ - - - ]

It lasted for hours.

In the end, Potter came up with the snitch just as the sun was starting to fade in the distance. Everyone in the stands around me groaned. Today, we are Hufflepuff fans.

It's just as well that Hermione isn't here after all.

Theo and I stayed sitting where we were as the stands started emptying out around us.

"Hi, Theo."

I looked up to see Astoria Greengrass standing in front of us.

Theo stared at her for a long moment. He was frozen in place, not even breathing.

I kicked him.

"Astoria." He answered finally. His voice sounded tense, guarded.

She gave him a small smile. Her eyes darted to me.

"Draco." She nodded once in greeting, but immediately turned her attention back to Theo.

"Did you need something?" He asked, rather rudely.

She seemed taken aback by his hostility.

"No." Her eyes darted to the ground and she pushed her hair back behind her ears. It could just be the cold, but it looks like her cheeks flushed red. "I just wanted to say hello."

She started to turn away, but then she stopped.

"That isn't true at all." She turned and rolled her shoulders back. "I wanted to ask you if there is something going on with you and Luna Lovegood, or if you are just friends?"

I ducked my head so neither of them would see the smirk on my face.

"I really don't see how that would be any of your business." His voice was cold, irritated. I can't say that I blame him.

"Well," she cleared her throat and pushed her hair back over her shoulder. "If you are just friends, I wondered if you would sit with me at dinner tonight."

I nearly choked on the chocolate frog I was eating.

Theo stared at the witch like she had just sprouted a second set of ears.

To her credit, she kept her head high and her gaze locked on his whilst she waited for a response.

"Why?" He asked finally. "When I invited you to Slughorn's party you said not if I was the last wizard alive. What changed?"

Her brow raised and her eyes darted to me quickly, then back to him.

"You did, Theo." She looked as though it were the most obvious answer in the world. "Everything has changed now, hasn't it?"

"I haven't changed a bit." He scoffed. "I'm the same as I have always been."

She studied him for a moment.

"Then perhaps it is my perception of you that has changed."

That is likely to be accurate.

"You do realize that if my father were not in Azkaban for the remainder of his natural life, I would be sitting with Greg and Daphne every day." He crossed his arms and lifted his brow in challenge.

The corner of her lip tilted up on one side.

"Because you would want to be?" She asked. "Or because you would be scared not to?"

He didn't have to answer. We all knew it was the latter rather than the former.

"I'll save a seat for you. Just in case you change your mind." She gave him a small smile and a wave, then she turned and walked away.

"Don't bother." She had taken three or four steps before he responded. Her steps faltered and she turned slowly. Her brow was crinkled in confusion. She never considered he might turn her down.

"Because of Lovegood?" Her voice was incredulous.

I coughed into my hand to cover a bark of laughter. More likely it was because she had been a right bitch to him when he asked her out.

"So what if it is?" He leaned back and let his lip curl up in a smirk.

She blinked several times. With each blink of her eyes, I could see her getting more and more upset.

"Because she is completely barmy. Everyone knows that." She crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her foot for emphasis.

"Barmy?" Theo stood and took two steps towards her. His hand was clenched tight in a fist by his side. "No. Brilliant, yes. Beautiful, yes. Kind, certainly. Not something you would know anything about, of course."

He paused long enough to look down his nose and sneer at the witch.

"To be clear, I am not turning you down because of Luna. It's because you don't get to treat me the way you did, then expect me to do what? Forget it ever happened?" He scoffed. "I don't fucking think so."

I grinned to myself.

Good for him.

She stood stock still for a few seconds. Then she gave him a curt nod, turned and walked away.

He watched her leave. After a long moment, he turned towards me. His mouth lifted in a grin.

"Damn, that felt good."


[ - - - ]

I found Hermione curled up on the end of the couch in front of the fire in the sitting room. She had a book in her lap that she was reading intently.

She did not give any indication that she heard me pop into the room. I cleared my throat and waited.

She turned the page and kept reading.

I chuckled to myself as I watched her. She is sitting on her left hip with her legs curled to the right. Occasionally she twirls a lock of hair around her fingers or chews on her thumbnail.

"Hermione." I gave her at least five minutes before I said anything. I expected her to jump. Maybe even pull her wand. Instead, all she did was make a non-committal noise in the back of her throat, and then she turned the page.

"Did you eat lunch at all?" I sat in the armchair beside her.

"No. Is it lunchtime?" Her eyes never left the page.

"It's almost time for dinner, Love."

It took a moment or two before she blinked and looked up at me.

"Really?" Her eyes darted over to the clock. "I guess so."

Before she could focus on that book again, I reached over and pulled it away.

"What are you reading, anyway?" I held her page and flipped the book over so I could see the cover. "Twilight?"

"It's a muggle book." She sighed. "It's been good."

She tried to take it back from me.

"Let's go eat first." I marked her page and put it on the table. "And I need to tell you what happened after the game."

She wanted to argue with me. I can tell. But she didn't.

"I have told you before that I have no interest in gossip, right?" She rolled her neck and stretched her arms over her head.

"This isn't gossip."

I had to wait for her to use the loo and put her shoes on. And brush her hair. And change her shirt.

Which took much longer than it should have. It's her fault. She can't just take her shirt off in front of me and expect me not to snog her senseless.

Right?

Right.

When she was finally ready to go, we apparated to the third floor and walked downstairs from there. As we walked, I told her what had happened with Theo and Astoria after the game.

"Draco," she laughed. "You do realize that is the very definition of gossip."

She may be right about that.

I spotted Theo at the bottom of the stairs as we turned the corner. I was about to call out to him when he stepped forward.

"Luna." He spoke just loud enough that we could hear him.

Hermione and I both stopped where we were. Her hand pulsed around mine.

I scanned the ground floor until I saw the blonde witch. She had just come inside and was shaking snowflakes off her blue cloak.

"Hello, Theo." She stopped in front of him and smiled.

"I was wondering if you would like to go for a walk with me after dinner?"

Beside me, Hermione barely contained her squeal. Her hand tightened around mine whilst her other hand rose to cover her mouth.

Luna, on the other hand, seemed less excited. She tilted her head to the side and studied him for a moment.

"We could go out to the Black Lake." He continued after a moment.

She studied him for another moment. Her eyes darted around quickly.

"I would like that." She gave him a tentative smile.

Theo's shoulders relaxed instantly.

Hermione laid her head against my shoulder.

"I should have known you are a romantic at heart." I huffed a short laugh as we started down the stairs once again. First I caught her reading a romance novel, and now this.

"You know, we are practically living together, and yet the only time you actually asked me out was the Halloween Ball."

My heart froze. I never really thought about it, I suppose. But of course, she is right. We never dated, per se. We just always ended up together. Until we never wanted to be apart.

Which honestly, took no time at all.

"I asked you to go to the quidditch game with me this morning. You turned me down. Remember?"

I know. It's a stretch any way you look at it. But at least it is something.

"That does not count." She rolled her eyes and laughed.

We reached the ground floor and followed the sound of a hundred voices speaking at once into the Great Hall.

I slid my hand along her waist and leaned closer so I could speak in her ear as we crossed the dining hall.

"I set up a day of flying and a picnic lunch for us not so long ago. Does that not count as a date?"

She smiled up at me and I swear, my heart stuttered.

"Maybe." She laughed as she sat down next to Blaise.

"Good day in the library, Granger?" Blaise smirked.

The smile fell from her face and a shiver ran down her spine.

"I didn't stay in the library long." She rolled her shoulders back and took a deep breath. "I decided to go back to my room and read instead."

Something in her reaction made me ask, "Did something happen?"

"No." She released a deep sigh. "Nothing happened. Just…a feeling. A noise that was out of place in an empty room."

My hand settled on her knee. She didn't have to say anything else. I get it.

"But yes, Zabini. I did quite enjoy myself. I relaxed in front of the fire, and read a good book. It was quite peaceful, to be honest." Her shoulders relaxed and she smiled easily.


[ - - - ]

A scream echoed through my mind as my eyes popped open. Cold sweat dampened my forehead and chest. Images from my nightmare still repeated over and over in my mind.

Hermione slept soundly beside me. My scream must have only been in my dream this time.

I lay there in the dark for several minutes. The only sounds in the room were the sounds of my heart beating and Hermione breathing. Okay…snoring.

Quietly, I extracted my arm from under her shoulders and slid to the edge of the bed. I closed the bedroom door softly on my way out, careful not to disturb her.

She doesn't sleep well most nights. There is no need for me to wake her now.

I sat in the armchair and stared at the fire. In my mind, I replayed the nightmare. The memory of the night I took the dark mark.

You have to forgive yourself.

It seems so wrong. How can I ever forgive myself for taking the mark? For joining the very group that vowed to destroy all muggle-borns?

Especially now.

I turned in the chair and stared at the bedroom door. The witch sleeping on the other side is muggle-born. Truly. Completely. Not an ounce of magical blood in her lineage.

One born of pure magick.

And they tried to destroy her.

They damn near succeeded.

"I am damaged beyond repair. Broken."

Her words. Not that long ago.

You have helped her heal.

I did. I am. I would do anything in my power to ensure she finds happiness again.

What if you weren't here? Who would be here for her?"

I swallowed hard around the sudden lump in my throat. Because I know the answer.

No one.

As much as I regret taking the mark, and I truly do regret it. I know that I would do it all over again. I had to. It was either agree to join…or die.

Can I really begrudge my former self for making that decision? For choosing the path that eventually led me here?

I closed my eyes. Deep inside me, something shifted. Something integral.

The anger, the self-hatred that I have held onto for so long, dissipated. I can actually feel it leaving my body. Leaving my soul. It left me feeling lighter, somehow.

"I am not a good person."

My words. Not that long ago.

"Yes. You are." She believed it, too. With such conviction that she made me want to prove her right.

"Draco. You must do this. Or we are all dead." My Father growled desperately in my ear. "It is the only way."

I huffed out a short laugh.

If he only knew how right he was.

Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed the sound of the bedroom door opening. My eyes focused in on the witch that emerged.

Her hair is tousled, sticking out in a hundred different directions in black and red swirling colors. She is wearing a black tank top that almost covers the black panties underneath. Her legs are bare.

Fucking beautiful.

Her sleepy eyes met mine. Her lip tilted up on one side and she ran her hand through her hair, tamping down some of the wild curls.

"You know it isn't even morning yet, right?" She muttered as she moved closer to the fire.

"I'm aware." I held my hand out as she got closer. She paused and glanced at it for a moment, then placed her hand in mine.

She sat beside me in the chair and turned so her legs were lying across mine and her head was resting on my shoulder. My hand rested against her upper thigh.

"Nightmares?" She asked quietly. Her hand settled against my chest.

I inhaled deeply. Her now familiar strawberry scent surrounded me.

"Yes." I ran my hand up and down the back of her leg. "Did I wake you?"

"No." She shivered beneath my touch. "I woke up and you weren't there."

"Just…clearing my head."

Or finding it in my heart to forgive myself.

"Mmm…" She released a deep sigh and sank further against me.

I felt my lip tilt up in a smirk. When she sleeps, she sleeps hard. And it takes forever to get her to wake up.

Most nights, she doesn't sleep at all, though. She will toss and turn until she finally gets up. Usually she just goes outside and stares out into the night.

Her eyes fluttered a few times, then closed and stayed closed.

I lifted my hand and slid my fingers through her hair. Even now, the juxtaposition of the colors fascinates me. Black over red.

I took a lock of her hair between my fingers and twirled it around.

Her eyes fluttered again and opened. She blinked once or twice, then focused on me.

"Why black and red?" I asked for the second time. The last time I asked, she didn't answer.

Her eyes searched mine.

"It was a metaphor." She cleared her throat. She turned away from me and stared at the fire. "It represented how I felt inside. Black hiding the red. Darkness over pain."

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I should have figured that out for myself. It seems so obvious now.

"And now?" I'm almost afraid to ask.

Her lip tilted up on one side.

"No. Not anymore." She turned back and looked me in the eye. "You have helped me chase away the darkness. And that pain, it's still there sometimes, but when I'm with you it doesn't hurt. Not like it did."

I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips against hers. This kiss wasn't rushed or heated. It was slow, sensual. I took my time exploring her mouth, tasting her, relishing in the feel of her against me.

The kiss ended and I placed my forehead against hers.

"Sometimes, like now, I forget I was ever in pain to begin with." Her voice was barely a whisper. She looked up at me through her lashes. "There is just me, and you, and this warm energy pulsing through me. Through my body…my skin…my magic."

I couldn't have said it better myself. That's exactly how I feel. That warmth that flows through me when she gives me that look, or when she touches me, holds me, kisses me.

"It's almost addictive. I always want more." Her fingers carded through my hair and pulled my lips back to hers.

Seriously, what am I supposed to say to that? My heart is beating so loud in my chest that I'm sure she can hear it. She already knows how I feel about her. She knows I love her. She knows that she is the source of my happiness.

And she knows that I want more, too. I want it all. I want her. In my life. By my side.

Forever.

"Come on, Love. Let's go back to bed." My hand skimmed up and down her thigh.

Her lip tilted up on one side and she looked up at me through her lashes.

"So now you're tired?" She had a bit of flirtatious humor in her voice.

"No. Not at all." I smirked. Sleep is the last thing on my mind at the moment.


[ - - - ]

Hours later, after we had snogged each other senseless. After we had eaten breakfast in the Great Hall. After I attended Arithmancy class. I sat in front of Healer Edinfield's desk.

He smiled at me in what, I'm sure, is supposed to be a supportive and reassuring manner.

I raised my brow and waited for him to begin.

"Mr. Malfoy. Is there anything you would like to discuss today?"

I sighed. Back to the same playbook as always.

The thing is, I have plenty to discuss. I simply can't talk to him about any of it. How can I tell him that I was selected centuries ago to fulfill a prophecy to save this school? Or that I know my cousin is in grave danger because the wards around the castle are failing?

I can't. The fewer people that know about all this, the better.

There is something I can talk to him about, though. I cleared my throat. This is something I haven't talked to him about before.

"I didn't want to take the mark." I unbuttoned my sleeve and pushed the fabric up far enough that the ugly image was visible. I don't look at it. I try to forget that it even exists. "That night…I said the words, I agreed to it, but I didn't want it."

Edinfield was silent for several heartbeats, then his quill started scratching against the parchment as he started taking notes.

"Why did you agree, Draco?" He asked once he realized I wasn't going to continue.

"I had to." I inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. "If I didn't agree, I would have been killed."

I moved to the window and stared out at the gray skies. Snowflakes fell, covering the grass below in fine white powder.

"The pain was…excruciating. That wasn't the worst part, though." The dream…nightmare…memory from last night is still fresh in my mind. A cold chill ran down my spine. "That dark energy invaded my body. It violated my magic. It tainted my soul."

He watched me carefully. Listening, writing his notes, but still watching.

I turned away from the window.

"From that day on, I knew my life was forfeit. I sold my soul to Satan, so to speak." I ran both hands through my hair and released a deep sigh. "I regretted it, even as it was happening."

I made my way back to the chair in front of his desk. I sat with my elbows on my knees, my hands clasped together in front of me, and stared down at the floor.

"And now, Mr. Malfoy? Do you still regret it?"

There it is. The reason I brought up this topic to begin with.

I expected the anxiety that I have become accustomed to. My heart would start beating hard in my chest. It would hurt to breathe. My palms would sweat while cold chills seeped through my body.

Instead, I felt a sense of calm wash through me.

"I regret that it happened. That I was put into that situation." I looked up at him for the first time since our session started. "I can't fault my younger self for the decision that I made. I did what I had to do to survive."

His eyes searched my face, looking for something hidden there.

"It sounds like you have forgiven yourself for taking that mark." He said after a moment.

My shoulders relaxed and I leaned back in the chair.

"Yes. I think I have." I took a deep breath and released it slowly.

Edinfield clasped his hands together.

"Well done, Draco." He smiled at me. "Well done, indeed."


[ - - - ]

I returned to the third floor, then apparated to the rooms Ravenclaw had built for us.

I found Hermione in the study. She was studying the scroll we had found lying on the table.

She did not look up when I walked in. I wasn't even sure she knew I was there. Just before I sat down next to her, she started talking.

"We've missed something." She still didn't look up. "According to this, there is a lab here somewhere."

Mere hours ago she was calling out my name as she came undone. Now, she is all business. One of the many reasons that I love her.

I took the scroll from her hands and re-read it for myself. Sure enough, Ravenclaw did mention a lab.

"It has to be here somewhere." I glanced around the room, looking for anything that would suggest a doorway. I didn't notice anything at first glance. "Knowing her, the entrance is hidden."

"That is probably true." She sighed, stood and stretched her arms over her head. Only then did she turn and face me.

Her eyes swept across my face, widened as though she were surprised by what she saw there. Her head tilted to the side and she raised one brow.

"How did your session go?" She stepped closer. Close enough that my hands rested easily on her waist.

"Good." I pulled her in closer.

Her lip tilted up on one side as she rested her hands on my chest.

"Good," she muttered in return right before she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug.

She knows. I don't know how, but I can tell. She knows that I've released myself of the burden that I have carried for years. I can feel the difference. She can see it.

Telling Edinfield felt good. I could tell he was proud of me, for the progress I've made.

Knowing that Hermione knows, though, that feels incredible.

"You can hug me back," she said after a moment. "If you want."

I huffed out a short laugh even as my arms settled around her and pulled her closer. She said the same thing months ago, the first time she hugged me.

"The problem is, I never want to let you go." I held her a little tighter.

She released a short laugh and reluctantly pulled away.

"We'll never get anything accomplished that way." She looked up at me and smiled. "Come on, Malfoy. We have a hidden lab to find."


AN: A lot going on in this chapter. I am so proud of Theo for standing up for himself and going for Luna. And Draco forgiving himself is huge. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.

Can you believe I have been posting this story for two years? Time flies. Thank you all for sticking with me. And for my new readers, too.

Happy Holidays … Merry Christmas … From me to you.

Until next time.

-mezy