"Alright, Vala," Daniel said as he, Teal'c, and Vala settled in on the couches in his apartment with some snacks. "Welcome to Christmas movies."
Daniel had thought that a little marathon of Christmas movies on a TV channel that regularly made and ran them would be an easy introduction to Christmas. He also thought having Teal'c along to help explain them to their alien friend would be a good idea.
A few hours later, he realized - he thought wrong on both counts.
"So for this one month out of the year, everyone's problems are just magically resolved if they believe hard enough in the power of Christmas?" Vala asked skeptically, as the current protagonist sobbed with delight over the fact that she could keep her house in spite of the apparently insurmountable number of bills she owed. Vala wrinkled her nose in disbelief.
"Well, no..." he began before Vala jumped back in with another question.
"And who is this Santa Claus? Is he an ascended being?"
"He could not be so," Teal'c interjected sagely as he picked some MM's out of the trail mix on the coffee table and ate them. "The others would not allow him to interfere in the lives of the Tau'ri this much."
Vala nodded as she studied Teal'c's face before looking back at the screen. "Good point."
"He's a mythological character," Daniel broke in quickly, "based on a Christian bishop called St. Nicholas. He was known for his generosity and kindness. The story evolved over the years, and eventually, we came up with Santa Claus - this made-up character who, as parents tell their children, brings Christmas presents to good children on Christmas Eve."
"To good children?" Vala caught at this little detail. "So the story's a bribe for good behavior?"
Daniel grimaced. This wasn't exactly going the way he'd planned.
"I believe there is more to Christmas and the story of Santa Claus than the encouragement of good behavior," Teal'c argued, much to Daniel's relief.
"Really?" Vala inquired, her blue eyes watching Teal'c curiously. "Like what?"
"It encourages love and kindness towards others," Teal'c explained. "Much like St. Nicholas did through his own life."
Vala nodded. "That does make sense." She grabbed a handful of popcorn and then looked back at the screen, where the protagonist's "true love" had somehow appeared at exactly the right moment in the story. "But this story is too... perfect. It's not realistic at all."
"Indeed," Teal'c agreed. "The quality of the storytelling is not high."
"And this 'love story,'" Vala continued as the couple kissed, "is so ridiculous. No one falls in love at first sight and then enters into such a perfect relationship."
"I believe you are correct, Vala Mal Doran," Teal'c concurred, nodding sagely. "While I have seen couples have an instant attraction, I have never seen any fall into what might be called love immediately."
"Alright," Daniel groaned, tired of the discussion. "Teal'c, why don't you pick out something else to watch?" Anything to change the topic to something less taxing. It was clear that the quality of these Christmas movies was distracting his friends from the true meaning of Christmas.
Teal'c nodded and crossed over to look at Daniel's VHS collection. Vala, meanwhile, quickly wrested the remote from Daniel's hand and began flipping channels.
"Even one of your news channels would be better than that Christmas drivel," she remarked, pausing to watch as a news anchor detailed a story about a local soup kitchen. That does actually look promising, Daniel thought for a moment before Vala flipped to another channel.
Teal'c suddenly stood up with a VHS tape in his hand. "It appears we have another option, Daniel Jackson."
"Oh?" Daniel asked as he accepted the tape that Teal'c was now handing over to him. He read the label and looked back up in surprise. "The Star Wars Holiday Special?" Daniel had forgotten he even had that. He dimly remembered some friend of his back in grad school who had given it to him. Daniel was feverishly working on his thesis at the time and had never gotten around to watching it. Honestly, he wasn't sure why he hadn't purged it in one of his many moves.
Teal'c nodded, a smile breaking out on his face. "I have heard of this holiday special, but have not yet seen it. I would very much like to watch it."
Daniel lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. "Alright, Teal'c. We can watch it." He handed the tape to Teal'c so the Jaffa could pop it into the VCR.
The three settled back in as the tape began to play. But before too long, it was clear that the special was... not of the same quality as the regular Star Wars films. They kept watching, but Daniel could see Teal'c visibly growing more and more disturbed.
They lasted until Chewbacca's father began watching some odd performance with such animation that Daniel felt like he'd caught the man watching an X-rated film. Teal'c quickly stood and ejected the tape.
The Jaffa looked horrified.
"I do not understand, Daniel Jackson," he said with a puzzled expression. "Was this made by someone other than George Lucas?"
Daniel nodded. "He had a very minor involvement, as I understand it."
Teal'c closed his eyes and sighed. "Perhaps it is better if we simply rewatch the Original Trilogy."
Vala shrugged, looking less disturbed than Daniel felt over what they had just watched. "I'm game for that."
Daniel nodded wearily, accepting that Star Wars would be easier to watch than this selection of Christmas movies. There had to be a better way to get Vala to understand Christmas.
Maybe Sam could help out.
Not going to lie, that scene in the special gave me the heebie-jeebies.
