She wakes up to muffled voices and a prick in her left arm, darkness greets her. She has no idea where she is or what happened, everything feels wrong. Then the memories come rushing in so fast she wants to throw up. She closes her eyes again, lays her arm over her face, tries to calm the nausea, the spinning of the room.
"Castle", she murmurs, feeling weary and sick, her heart beating too fast, she's barely able to breathe. He has to be here, he has to be. Heavy footsteps come closer, his footsteps, releasing a bit of the tension in her body.
"Hey, honey, welcome back. I'm right here." Castle's digits draw calming patterns on the pulse on her wrist, sending slight shivers through her body like a gasp of relief.
"What happened?" Her voice sounds shaky and weak, she tries clearing her throat, but the weight doesn't leave.
"You passed out on me. Got me really worried." She passed out? Well, that's a first. "Dr. Stevens just took a little bit of your blood for testing. She also gave you some vitamins, nutrients, and other stuff I forgot. And you're on an IV to get you hydrated faster." Ah, that's probably the light strain on the back of her hand.
"You called a doctor?" She can hear the snarl in her voice herself, fights the anger inside. She knows Castle did it because he cared, because he loves her, but she just can't shake the feeling of being handled like a little kid. Only because she's his wife doesn't give him the right to decide things like that for her. Especially how she's treated. She knows that was running herself in the ground in the past few weeks. She knows that she barely ate, barely drank enough water, barely slept – but how is she supposed to fix that with the danger of LokSat looming over them?
"Of course I did. You never pass out. You are the toughest person I know, probably the toughest person on the planet. Four weeks ago you got shot and sewed yourself together and you didn't pass out. It takes a lot to take you down." He defends himself, his voice leaves no room for her to disagree with him and this definitely does not help to temp her anger.
"Castle, I'm just a little overworked. You know how I can be when I'm focused." Castle huffs a laugh that doesn't root in humor at all. She doesn't need to see him to know that he's shaking his head in frustration over her, to know the look on his face – part anger, part defeat, part hurt, part love. Damn that man, it makes her deflate instantly. He wants to take care of her because he loves her and is worried about her. And maybe even because of this whole LokSat situation, who knows if they don't poison people slowly to stay under the radar? Or using some drugs that might be responsible for her way to vivid nightmares.
Sighing she rubs her face with her free hand, slowly opening her eyes, blinking into the dimmed light that's still too bright for her eyes, but this time she's adjusting faster. Castle sits on the chair at her bedside, his head hanging down in defeat and worry only propped up slightly on one arm, the other arm is stll carressing her skin.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I probably just missed you too much," she jokes watching in delight as it draws a light chuckle from him and he turns his face to her, his lips upturned, his gaze soft and full of love – for her, warming her cold body.
"Missed you, too. How are you feeling?" His fingertips brush over her forehead and temples, stroking ever her cheeks.
"Better." At least she's not on the edge of fainting any time soon, but she's still dizzy and nauseaus, her whole world spinning. She hears Alexis calling for him, so quiet, she's almost whispering.
"It's going to be fine. I'll be right back, seeing Dr. Stevens off." The warmth of Castle's hands around her's disappears, she hears him more than sees him leave the room and talk to the Dr outside. Cold, long fingers curl around her right hand and the mattress dips next to her as Alexis sits beside her startling her for a second. She was so focused on trying to hear what Castle and that Dr Stevens discuss that she completely missed the girl's approach.
"Hey", Alexis greets her, she can hear the worry and the smile in her voice.
"Hey Lex", Kate smiles slightly. "I'm sorry I got you all worried. I just might have pushed my limits too hard the last couple of weeks." There is no need for Alexis to panic right now, too, like Castle probably is. Already spinning lots of conspiracy theories or searching the internet for her symptoms and probably found lots of deadly deseases that she most certainly DOES NOT have but he's spiraling because of a 1 % chance.
"It's okay. You're here now and we can nurse you back to your usual self." Kate hums, smiling softly, she missed this family so much. "Can you sit up a little? I brought you a glass of water. You definitely need to drink more, Kate." Kate slowly sits up, nausea still has a tight grip on her stomach but it's not getting worse so maybe drinking water helps with the dizziness.
"What did Dr. Stevens say?"
"She's a little bit worried about your blood pressure, it's too low. You're dehydrated, malnourished, and had probably too much stress the last weeks. That's maybe the reason you fainted, you pushed your limits. She said you need to take it slowly the next days, rest a lot, eat healthily, drink lots of water, no coffee, have no stress. Oh, and lots of sleep." Ice-cold panic grabbing her heart again, making it beat so heavily she can barely breathe. How is she supposed to do this? She has no time to rest, they need to stop LokSat before they know that Castle starts to remember them and kill her husband. She needs to be okay now. "Apart from that you seem fine. She'll have the blood work by tomorrow evening or the day after. Here you go."
Alexis steadies her back, holding the glass to her broken lips and helps her sip a little water before guilt kicks in. She hates to be a burden to others. She takes the glass from Alexis' hands and slowly drinks by herself. The water helps, she definitely was dehydrated. When was the last time she drank something after avoiding coffee because it reminded her too much of Castle and it never tasted right?
"You're not a burden, honey." Castle comes back into the room, of course, he could read her like an open book. "We love taking care of you. Gives me an excuse to spoil you."
"You need an excuse for that?" Castle's face lights up by her banter as if that's the sign he needed that everything is going to be okay again.
"I'm fine, Castle. I'm going to drink, eat and sleep enough and I'll kick your ass again in no time and then you can decide who's harder on you in training - Hayley or me?" She challenges him with the raise of her eyebrow, still too raw inside with jealousy. He brushes her lips with a kiss, smiling.
"Good. Because I missed you kicking my ass." She smiles back at him, cups his jaw. How much she missed these simple touches that they shared so often. How did she convince herself that she would manage without them?
"So, before any of you are kicking asses, I'm gonna kick yours because you tried to shut me out", Alexis threatens, suppressed anger in her voice.
"Pumpkin, I won't let you hunt LokSat with us." Castle is strict and serious.
"Of course, you will!" Kate's surprised by the strength and determination in Alexis' voice.
"No, I won't. It's way too dangerous. They kill everyone who comes in their way."
"They didn't kill us when we were trying to find Kate last month. They probably didn't even realize that we were onto them! Without me, you would have never found her." Castle collapses onto the bed, tearing his hair out.
"Honey, I know, but ..." Alexis cuts him short by raising her hand.
"No, but. Hayley and I are in. Period. There is no way I am going to let anyone of you two walk into such danger without backup." Kate's eyes water – damnit, when did she become such an emotional mess? and she tightens the grip on Alexis' hand still intertwined with hers. Her heart is overflowing with love and pride for this girl as if she really was her own.
"I'm very happy that we have such an amazing, smart, and badass backup like you, Alexis, and Hayley of course. But I want to remind you that LokSat took out an entire team of trained, professional agents and almost killed Vikram and me, if Rita wouldn't have showed up."
"Yeah, my mysterious step-grandmother. I know. But neither your team nor you knew that they were coming and what to expect. Plus, you didn't have any backup. That's different now. If you want to hunt them we're going to do this together. And I am also planning on extending our team to get you some more backup and Dad has to continue his training with Hayley until he can beat her." Castle huffs while Kate bites her bottom lip to hide her smile. Warmth and pride spread through her body. She's really impressed by Alexis' strength, courage, and determination. She's grown so much in the seven years she's known her. From a scared, insecure teenager to this beautiful, bold woman she's now proud to call her daughter. Castle finally sighs to give in.
"Alright, Pumpkin. I agree, but-"
"Perfect, because Hayley is waiting on the rooftop for you to, I quote, 'beat your arse'." She imitates Hayley's British accent and tone so perfectly that Kate laughs out loud.
"Wait, now?" Castle's gaze flies to her, filled with worry and concern to leave her alone for a few hours.
"I'm fine, Babe. Go get your ass beaten so you'll become a worthy adversary for me." She jokes and smiles at him. "Alexis and I will brief each other." Castle sighs theatrically and defeated, brushes a kiss on both her and Alexis' forehead before he leaves the loft to meet Hayley.
"He's doing pretty good, you know." Alexis watches her looking after Castle, probably seeing more of her worry and jealousy than she would feel comfortable of. "Hayley's really hard on him, pushes his limits, but he was the one begging Hayley to train him right after you left. He doesn't let her end the training until he's so sore that he can barely move. He's never complaining and you know how he loves being dramatic even over the tiniest cut." Kate snickers while Alexis rolls her eyes. "They've been working out every day for several hours. I've never seen him do something with such determination. He'll be a real pro in martial arts soon. He also did everything to be able to conceal-carry a gun and ordered a set of bulletproof clothing for him, Hayley, and me that we can wear while we're on a job. I think he also ordered some for you, too."
"He did?" Kate sits up straighter turning to look Alexis in the eyes.
"Yeah, did you know that there are bulletproof hoodies?" Alexis laughs and Kate shakes her head. No, she didn't know that. "I think he always had the feeling that he's more of a liability than an asset everytime you were in dangerous situations and you had to look out for him too. I think what happened last month was the last straw that he needed."
"He was never a liability! He saved me so many times." How could he even think that? She needs to make sure that he knows how much she appreciates him and his help, that they make a great team. But probably the last year didn't help his self-confidence and that she had to save him because he got himself in danger trying to save her probably left some big wounds as well.
"I know, I know. But this time he wasn't able to help you and you left to protect him. I know that you did it not because he's a liability but only because you didn't want to lose him, but I'm sure the thought crossed his mind. Probably more often than he would ever admit. I know he can be so cocky and smug sometimes but I think it's only a facade of his greatest insecurities. He needs that."
"I know. Thank you for telling me. I do feel a little bit better now." Alexis smiles back at her und pats the back at her hand. Kate swings her legs over the edge of the bed, ignoring the spinning of the room, the dark edges creeping into her sight, she takes a deep breath, tries to hide her struggles and stands up with determination. The I.V. pole saves her, gripping hard on it to conceal how much she has to fight just to stand.
"Kate…" Alexis hovers but Kate squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, pressing on.
"So, you were talking about building a team. Who do you have in mind?" Her step-daugher sighs, but doesn't try to keep her from leaving the bed.
"Everybody who is already involved. Dad, you, me, Hayley, Vikram, of course, but I was also thinking about Ryan and Esposito, and Jackson and Rita if they would be up to help us." Kate stops and looks at her, her chest heaping heavily from the effort of walking two steps. Ridiculous.
"Ryan has a family." She can hear how weak and strained her voice is, how breathless she sounds, but Alexis ignores it and she's grateful for it.
"I know. Maybe we could ask him?"
"No, I can't ask this of him. He'd always say yes. There's no way that he's going to let us do this on our own. I cannot do this to Jenny, Sarah Grace, and the new baby. I cannot be responsible that she loses the love of her life and her children their dad just because I want to save my family."
"Kate, you're not responsible for this! You did not create LokSat and told them that they should target you."
"No, but Rita said to me that I am lucky, that LokSat thinks I fell for their patsy. It's my easy way out, to spend with my family, to be ... happy. And if I continue then the blood is on my hands." Alexis huffs and stays silent for a while.
"Well, I guess that spies don't really understand what family really means." Kate lifts her head in surprise to look Alexis straight in her amazing blue eyes. Her gaze is firm, full of love and determination.
"Alexis ..."
"No, Kate. Your old team was family, they deserve justice. We are family. And so are Ryan and Esposito. We all got a target on our back because of that memo ..."
"... one false step, one wrong case and we might end up as dead as them." Kate finds it disturbingly heartwarming that Alexis understands her so well and they share the same brain mingle thing she and Castle have. She smiles down at the hand Alexis squeezes right now.
"Exactly. I don't want to live a life like this. Always on edge, looking over my shoulder, worried about my family and everyone I care about."
"Neither do I. That's why I left to find LokSat. Does your dad talk to Ryan and Esposito?"
Alexis sighs long and heavily. "No. Not since that page six debacle last week, but I think that even in the weeks before he invited them over for poker or this stupid video game but they never came." Kate's heart aches for her husband, aches that her decision made him not only lose her but also two of his best friends. Or rather all of them apart from Hayley.
"I told them they need to apologize to him about that article. They gave him hell for it."
"They tried. They came by that evening with a six pack in their hands, trying to pretend that nothing happened. But dad was too hurt that they think so little of him, blamed him for your separation without even talking to him and ignoring him that he send them away. I don't think they tried to contact him ever since." Kate presses her finger against her forehead to ease the headache forming, sighing.
"Can't blame him for that. They got carried away a little bit by the whole 'big brother' thing. This is all my fault."
"No, Kate. Stop it, please. You did it to protect him. They'll work it out. Let's just find that bastard." Kate sends her a grateful look, wondering how she deserved such a gorgeous family.
"Alright, we will. But there is something you need to know first, Alexis." Kate stops right when they entered to the office to ease the shock about what Alexis is going to figure out any minute, causing her to face her with the back to the whiteboard. The look of it alone gives Kate trouble to breathe as if a heavy weight was suddenly sitting right on her chest, crushing it.
"What is it?" Alexis innocent frown makes Kate think out backing out, kidnapping the girl and Castle, locking them up somewhere safe. Rita would probably know a place where LokSak can't find them. Maybe she could take her dad, Lanie and Espo, Ryan, Jenny and the kids there as well. They could start a new and easier life there … But no, this is not her. She doesn't run away from a fight. Alexis probably sees somehting in her face that makes her navigate them to the couch in the office, pressing her down gently and sitting next to her. With a sigh, she reaches for Alexis hand again, squeezing it – she's not sure if it's for Alexis' sake or her own
"You were right, your dad starts to remember more from his missing time. Things where LokSat is ... involved. Castle– your dad– He thinks he was working with LokSat."
"He was … he was … working with LokSat?" It only takes her the blink of an eye to connect the dots, leaving Kate impressed. "But, Kate! This means when they know that Dad starts to remember things ... He's dead." Alexis' blue eyes widen with shock and start filling with tears.
"That's probably very much the reason I passed out earlier", she whispers teary-eyed. She can feel the licking of a panic attack from the dark space in her heart that her mother's death created and takes a few deep breaths.
"Oh, Kate ..." Alexis presses her hand against her heart breathing heavily, obviously trying to get her control back. She lets one long, shaky breath out and closes her eyes. Tears run down her cheeks and Kate doesn't think twice before pulling her into her embrace.
"We're not gonna let this happen, sweetheart. I promise. We have an amazing team on our side – they will never hear us coming."
"You're right." Kate softly pats Alexis' knee. "Oh no, shit. I haven't thought about Vikram the whole day! I promised him I'd call him. He's probably worried sick." She's frantically looking for her phone.
"I think Dad put it on the charger on his desk because the battery died. I saw him do it after you passed out and since he took his with him it must have been yours." Warmth spreads through her. He is always so thoughtful. The girl already gets up and snags her phone from the desk, bringing it to Kate.
"Thank you, Alexis."
"One more thing, Kate. It's no longer just you and Vikram plotting ..."
"How did you know?" But Alexis huffs slightly exasperated, rolls her eyes and smiles secretively and continues.
"... we need to up our game. I'm going to buy burner phones for the whole team. We don't know if LokSat is maybe keeping tabs on us. The loft and the office are safe. Dad upgraded the security heavily after what happened with Tyson years ago and is always checking for bugs. He got a little paranoid."
"Yeah, I know."
"So make sure that you'll keep quiet over the investigation. No names, no LokSat. We'll use codewords when we can't speak safely." Kate starts laughing.
"Vikram and I already use a decrypted messaging system that he installed. Maybe he can do the same on your phones as well. Oh gosh, your dad is going to enjoy this so much." Alexis joins her laugh.
"Oh yes, way too much."
"Thank you, Alexis. You're right. We need to be very careful. Thank you so much. You are absolutely amazing. I cannot phrase how much this means to me and how grateful I am for you." Alexis blushes and ducks her head, hides behind the curtain of her hair.
"You're welcome. I'm also very proud to have you on my team. There is no other person I would trust mine and dad's lives with."
