Chapter 4

Sitting at dinner that night, we were separated by staff, members and almost the entire length of the long table we found ourselves clustered around. The food and company was good, I was on duty translating for those around me, Jungkook at the other end near Namjoon. Studiously avoiding his looks, I tuned into those around me.

"How was your walk," Jimin was asking as he popped some meat in his mouth.

"Oh, ah, yeah, good," I mumbled out, not meeting his eyes.

"Hmmm, nice. Where did you go," he continued and I looked up to see a teasing look on his face.

"Oh, not far," I said vaguely and he grinned.

"Well, I hope you got enough exercise,"

"Leave the poor woman alone Jimin-ah," Yoongi said, admonishing his younger member as he stared at my slightly flushed cheeks. "I'm sure Marley-ssi had just the right amount of exercise. I could do with some myself."

Choking slightly on my mouthful, I swallowed quickly, reaching for a water, gulping it down. "Hmmmm, well, exercise is always a good thing," I said and Yoongi nodded.

"Some kinds more than others."

"I have to agree," I answered, attempting to keep as calm and not obvious as I could. Jungkook's friends were not helping matters at all. "Do you want me to introduce you to a friend Yoongi-ssi so you can exercise together while I'm here," I asked, joining in the banter to try and keep my rose tinted cheeks under control.

"Yes," he answered instantly and I laughed, quietening down as I drew the attention of a lot of the table, especially Jungkook who blinked at me a few times before looking away.

"Your hair looks nice like that," Jimin said and I reached up to touch it, unsure of how I had it styled.

"Oh, my ponytail? Yeah, I like it off my face," I answered and he snickered.

"Jimin-ah, behave," Yoongi said and I stared between the both of them, clearly missing something.

"We all know Jungkook likes it when long hair is tied back and why," he explained and I blushed even deeper. While I appreciated he was blunt, Yoongi could at least attempt to cushion the embarrassment a little.

"Now it's you who should be behaving Yoongi hyung," Jimin said and he shrugged.

"That's not in his vocabulary," Tae piped up and I wondered how many others at the table could hear and understand what we were talking about. Clearly I'd underestimated exactly how close they all were and it got me wondering what Jungkook had already shared about us. Yoongi must've seen the look on my face because he took pity on me.

"He hasn't talked specifically about you yet so don't worry."

"Yet," I asked and he nodded.

"He won't until after, like when this is all, well, done," Yoongi said, making it sound exactly like it was. A dalliance that had happened once before and then it was happening again now and after that it would be over, just two people scratching an itch and even though I knew it was true, it didn't stop the frown. "You understand that, don't you Marley-ssi? He does really like you but, well, you know."

Jimin had been listening too, surprisingly quiet and he briefly met my eyes, maybe pity in them as he nodded. "He does like you," he re-enforced, maybe to take the sting out of Yoongi's words. "And he didn't give details after we were last here."

"Not for want of you trying though Jimin-ah," Yoongi added, reaching for some soju. I shook my head as he offered it to me, sticking with water. I needed a clear head.

"I love to know what all the members are up to hyung, you know that," Jimin said and they started bickering between themselves, leaving me to my thoughts.

It's not that I didn't know this was going nowhere but having the other members remind me of the fact felt a little harsh and was a definite reality check. I knew they weren't meaning to upset me, they were just speaking the truth. It gave me lots to think about. The time with Jungkook was very enjoyable, more than that even. But the longer we stayed involved, the messier it could be. I was staring into space as I nibbled at the food in front of me, appetite disappearing with the last conversation but I tuned in to Namjoon's voice, slightly louder than normal because he'd had a little to drink.

"You're looking tired JK. Maybe you need to have an early night."

"Oh, yes, maybe," Jungkook replied vaguely, briefly meeting my eyes before we avoided looking at each other for the rest of the meal.


I was silent on the trip back to the hotel where my car was parked, unsure of what the plan was now. Did I go up to his hotel room or back to mine? Having his cell phone number would make this so much easier but he'd explained his phone was monitored and I didn't want to make things complicated for him. We travelled in separate vehicles and Namjoon had mentioned about Kook needing an early night so I knew I should really let him sleep. But he'd talked about how he never really had an early night and truthfully, our afternoon had been too enjoyable not to want to spend more time with him.

My car arrived first and I was still deciding what to do, standing chatting to Nicole about what tomorrow looked like when another car pulled up in the parking area; Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung getting out. They were talking and laughing amongst themselves as they headed towards the doors, security on their heels. But Jungkook stopped a moment to tie a shoelace, drawing my attention as he did and as he stood up, he made sure his eyes locked with mine, raising an eyebrow slightly in question. And just like that my decision was made.

As he jogged to catch up with the other members, I tried to think of an excuse, settling on a lame one and hoping it wasn't transparent.

"They gave us paperwork earlier. I think I must've left it in the suite before I went out for my walk today. I guess I need that for tomorrow."

"I'm heading up to my room now, do you want to come up with me and look," Nicole asked as I fell into step next to her.

"Yes, sure, I should probably look through it so I'm ready," I nodded, grateful it had been that easy to make up something believable. And I carried through with the lie when I was up in the suite, looking under cushions and on tables before finally 'remembering' that I'd moved it to my car earlier in the day. "Oh that's right, I must be tired," I laughed. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said and she smiled.

"I'm heading to my room now too so I'll walk with you," and I almost rolled my eyes. I'd made it to the right floor and now I was so close.

"Are you enjoying it so far," she asked as we closed the suite door behind us, walking along the corridor towards the row of waiting elevators. Jungkook's room was in the opposite direction and things were not panning out as I'd planned.

"I am and I have to think hard for the right word sometimes but I think I'm getting better."

"You definitely are and you're an asset to the team," she answered. "Everyone likes you too."

"Oh, thank you, that's nice of you to say," I said as we reached the lift and I had no excuses left to stay, reaching for the button to push it to go down again, my planned foiled at the last minute.

"Some more than others," she continued as my hand hovered to call the lift to our floor, stopping before I pressed the button. "I'll head to my room, I think all the other staff must already be in theirs too. You have a good night now," she said and winked as she glanced down the hallway towards Jungkook's room before looking back at me, raising an eyebrow as she walked away.

I stared after her, wondering if she was telling me she knew about us and if she did, how? Had Jungkook or one of the other members that knew said something? I didn't think so, I thought they likely protected each other when it came to things like this but she seemed to know somehow. Was I that transparent that I was going to get us in trouble or was it Jungkook?

Not giving myself much more time to think, aware anyone could come out of their room at any stage, I walked quickly back towards his room. Not wanting to knock in case it was loud and others looked out of their room, wondering how I could let him know I was there, I heard voices inside and went to pivot on my heel to leave before the door was flung open and Jimin came out, Jungkook holding the door open as he talked to him.

"-yeah, well, it's really obvious," Jimin was saying and then he saw me and grinned. "Speaking of the devil."

"You were talking about me," I asked as he tugged me into the room, Jungkook smirking when we looked at each other.

"Jimin was just explaining how he thought anyone could tell what we'd been doing. I tried to explain not everyone was as involved in my personal life as he seemed to want to be."

"It's in the eyes Jungkookie, you have to learn to hide them more. Marley-ssi is doing a much better job than you."

"I don't even know what you're talking about," I replied, "I've just come to collect something I left here this afternoon."

"When you were at your walk you mean," Jimin shot back and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Was there something else you wanted hyung," Jungkook asked, sounding a little impatient now, "or can we carry on with our evening?"

"Who is we? You and me? We can carry on with the evening if you want, I mean, I had plans to hang out with Yoongi hyung but if you wanted me to stay here with you I can," he teased.

"Jimin-ssi," Jungkook cautioned, voice coming out like a growl.

"Well, since you ask so nicely, I'll stay," he teased more, grinning as Jungkook walked towards him, grabbing his arm and not so gently guiding Jimin towards the door.

"See you tomorrow hyung," he said and Jimin leaned back in just before the doors closed.

"Test out how soundproof the walls are Jungkookie and I'll let you know tomorrow if I could hear anything," he grinned before Jungkook gave him one final push out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.

Turning with a sigh, his face changed to a grin when he looked at me. "I wasn't sure you'd come tonight."

"We really didn't get much of a chance to talk tonight, being at opposite ends of the table."

"Yes, it was probably safer though. Jimin seems to think I'm being too obvious about what we're doing and came to warn me before everyone else notices."

"Should I go then," I asked as he stepped towards me and he took my hand, pulling me further into his room.

"Not unless you really want to because I'd really rather you stayed."

"Stayed huh, even though you have an early start so need an early night."

"Well, I"m all for going to bed now," he answered, smirking at me.

"I could stay I guess, if you want me to," I replied, as if it was a hard decision. "I have some spare clothes in the car in case I spill something on myself so I can grab those in the morning before everyone is awake."

"Don't let me push you into something you don't want to do," he said, stepping into my space and raising an eyebrow at me.

"Oh, I'd hoped by now you would've worked out I'm not someone who let's people push them around."

"Unless you're naked," he asked, now only inches from me.

"If you're talking about how you manhandle me to get me where you want us to be in bed, we're talking about something very different."

"Does your mind always go to sex Marley-ssi," he teased and I stepped back from him, once, twice, back towards his bedroom door, eyes fixed on him as he slowly stalked his way after me. His eyes were teasing a little but shrouded by an intensity which made me giggle, a smile appearing when I did.

"I actually should probably do my night routine since we have so many photo shoots coming up," he said, maintaining eye contact.

"I might join you," I answered, thinking about how I didn't have a toothbrush packed or any of my skincare stuff so maybe I'd have to wing it. He reached for my hand, pulling me through his bedroom and into the bathroom, clearly eager to move things along and I wasn't complaining. As we walked in, he opened a drawer and handed me a spare hotel toothbrush with a wink and I smirked again. "Needing that am I?"

"Minty fresh breath is always a good thing," he answered, reaching for his own toothbrush and putting the toothpaste on them both as we looked at each other through the bathroom mirror. There was something very relaxed about the moment even though the charge of possibilities was sitting just below the surface. Taking off my earrings, I rested them on the bathroom counter as we washed up, knocking one off when I went to put things away once we were scrubbed fresh, distracted by how good his bare face was.

"Oh," I said simply, using my toes to pick it up and lift it high enough so I didn't need to bend down and as I took it from my feet and put it back onto the counter, I found myself lifted up next to it, a surprised gasp leaving my mouth as it happened before my face and neck was smothered with his face and lips.

"What's that for," I asked, laughing as I pulled away after his mouth had found the sensitive part of my collarbone, standing so I was between his legs.

"I do that too, use my feet to pick things up. I can do lots with my feet," he added, blood travelling to my cheeks at his words as he ran his hand up my thigh.

"So can I," I answered, trailing my foot up his leg and resting it on his crotch as I flexed it a little before he pulled me forward on the counter, pinning me so I was trapped with his body, laughing as his breath tickled my throat before I saw his expression was deadly serious.

"Your feet are kind of perfect," he said, running his arms up my body to settle either side of my jaw, cradling my face, so close to his. I took a deep breath, inhaling all of him, his closeness, whatever lingered on his body. He smelled clean, fresh and a little sweet fragrance I was familiar with although hadn't defined.

"You smell great," I said as he nuzzled into my neck and I reached up to run my fingers through his hair.

"That's my line I think," he answered as I touched he length, enjoying how it felt under my touch. "Enjoy that while you can, it's getting cut for one of the shoots. Short at the sides," and moved his body, eyes closing as I ran my hands across his head, settling to massage at the nape of his neck. Letting out a contented sigh, he eventually spoke, the lazy moment of closeness not overly desperate, just exploring each other slowly. "I like this, being like this with you."

"I'm sure you can have this anytime you want with people," I said, knowing, if it was safe to do, there would be a queue lining up to spend time with him.

"Yeah I could but I don't very often. It always feels lonely once I've experienced time with someone and then they're gone which is inevitable."

"Then why is this happening with us," I asked, pulling back to try and read what was in his eyes.

"I couldn't help myself with you," he said, pressing his mouth to mine, leaving our lips glossy and wet. "Even though I missed it after just that one night, I was glad it happened. And it's why I sought it out again with you. I'd rather the loneliness afterwards when we leave than missing out on this time."

"I'm glad I can give you something for a time at least," I replied and his eyes stopped their roaming to lock on mine.

"I don't want you to feel like you're just filling a gap though. There are feelings attached, more than I have had with others."

"It's OK Jungkook, I'm realistic. I know that it's what I am. This is just for a moment in time, or a few moments if we get the chance."

"I don't think of it that way."

"It's OK Kook," I said again, taking his face and pressing my lips to his, soaking in his taste. "Let's not think about all that right now," and he nodded, picking me up as I secured my legs around his hips, carrying me through from the bathroom, onto the bed. Our hands made short work of each others clothes, mouth and fingers tracing skin. And it didn't matter that we were not each others forever love because in those moments, as we held each other close, we were everything we needed.


I was sitting in the lounge, towel drying my hair when Yoongi walked into the room, unannounced. I looked up, startled as he stared at me for a moment, dressed in a bathrobe, droplets of water on my cheeks. His eyes grew a little large as he looked me up and down, a quiet swear word slipping from his mouth and he turned to leave, casting a last look at me as he did. Crossing paths with Jungkook as he walked out of the bedroom, Yoongi sent a few quick sentences towards us before disappearing out the door. "There is a delay with our first schedule so we have an extra hour. I thought you'd like to know and you weren't answering the group chat. A manager was coming to tell you but I made something up and said I'd let you know as I needed to talk to you about a song we were working on so they gave me your spare room card. I had a feeling you weren't alone from something Jiminie said and they wouldn't have been happy about that if they'd found you together"

"Thank you Yoongi hyung," Jungkook said with a frown as the door fell closed and he turned to me, frown still on his face.

"Why does your face look like that," I asked, hand stilling from where it was still working on my hair.

"I just don't like that Yoongi came in and saw you like this," he answered, leaning on the back of a chair as he stared at me. He was dressed now, damp hair from the shower he had just taken, white tshirt and black sweatpants, casual and relaxed, unlike the way Kook looked right now.

"It's not like I let him in, he didn't even knock. And it's not like he saw anything, I'm covered up," I said, tightening the belt around my robe.

"He saw enough."

"Jungkook, he saw nothing."

"You've heard the lyrics he writes, he has an imagination."

"And he's your brother, it's not like he'd do that to you anyway."

"Or at least he won't tell me about it if he does."

I sighed, standing up and coming up behind him, linking my arms around his waist, conscious of the fact his arms stayed at his side. "It's not like this can go anywhere anyway," I said softly, voicing what I'd needed to say for ages, what both of us knew. I felt him stiffen under my touch and leaned so my head was resting on his back. "You know it's true."

His hands came to rest on top of mine, wrapping them on top of mine, tugging me closer. "Yeah, I guess I do but I don't want to think about that."

"Because we're still here now? I guess I'm just saying it out loud so you know I'm not expecting anything long term out of our time while you're here. Apart from the fact we're really, really good when we're 'together," I finished, quiet laugh to try and ease the tension.

"I hate this you know," he replied, turning to face me and I frowned.

"This? Us?"

"No, no, not that," he said quickly, face a little flushed. "Us is good. Really good. More than really good. Like wow good."

Now it was my turn to blush. I thought it was wow good too but to hear him say it meant I wasn't imagining how it was between us. But it's not like we were dating or had the opportunity to explore what else we could be. It was all based on attraction and physical connection and that wouldn't be enough in the long run. "Yes, us is definitely good. But what do you hate then?"

It was his turn to sigh, sitting down on the nearest chair, pulling me onto his lap. "I'd like a relationship that even had the chance to last. We have to hide everything and everyone to keep up our image but more importantly, to protect the ones we love. Our families, our partners. Nothing has lasted longer than a few months. The pressure is too much."

"I'm sorry Jungkook," I said, leaning into his chest, his arms clamped tightly to hold me in place. "You do deserve the world."

"I have the world. What I want now is love."

The word spun out all around us, echoing off the walls, bouncing around in my head. What we had wasn't love. It was lust, easing the loneliness and making us feel good in the moment. And it wouldn't grow into love because we weren't walking the same journey. Plus we didn't have enough time for it to grow into something more than the intimacy we both craved for now. What he needed was someone who treasured him for who he was away from the stage, the cameras, the fancy clothes. That person he could wake up next to, who would hold him when rumours circulated. Someone who held onto his heart and protected it when the world closed in on him. And who lived in the same country. So that someone couldn't be me.

"Would it be easier to put a stop to it now then? Before it gets complicated?" I played with the sleeve on the shirt he'd thrown on when he got out of bed, avoiding looking at him. I could stop this if he wanted, if it was the best for him. But I really didn't want to yet, especially knowing they were here for more than another week.

"It's not complicated. I mean, unless feelings were to get involved. No, no, that sounds terrible. There are feelings otherwise this wouldn't have happened at all. But I mean, I like this, how we are. There are no strings attached and we make each other feel good. I need that."

It actually broke my heart a little to hear him talk. He was being very open and transparent with what he was saying and feeling. I knew what page he was on. But knowing that and wanting to do what was best were different things and he deserved to be so happy.

"But what we are doing, is it making it harder for you while you're here?"

"I'm definitely harder when you're here," he smirked into my hair, pulling me more firmly onto his lap to prove a point.

"You are much dirtier than I imagined," I replied, rolling my eyes. "I mean, the others have noticed you're tired. I don't want what we're doing to take away from your work. That's what you're here for after all."

He breathed into my neck for a few moments before he sighed again. "I don't want to stop this, it's too good. But, maybe you're right. Namjoon can't be the only one who is noticing I'm not getting enough sleep. I have to think about the seven of us and what's best for the group, not just myself. The team we're working with while we're here is amazing and it's an important opportunity that I don't want to mess up for everyone by being too tired to function at my best. I try to give 150% when I perform."

"So, that's it then? Back to me being staff and you being, well, you? I mean I've always been staff and you've always been you but yeah." I wasn't used to being flustered but this conversation had flustered me. If I'd known we were going to call it quits, would I have pulled him back into bed? Had the energy for one more time? I was going to miss his touch. It had only been a few days but I felt addicted and now I was going to have to force myself down from my high.

"I guess," he said, twisting me to face him a little, a kiss punctuating his words. "But since we're tired already...?"

"What are you asking Jungkook," I teased, pulling away as he chased my lips with his.

"You know, do I have to spell it out?" He was a little huffy but his body was betraying him, leaving me in no doubt what he was suggesting.

"Assume I don't know Kookie and tell me," I said, using the nickname I'd only tried a few times although it sounded too cute for this moment. With those eyes, looking at me that way.

"If I must. Come to b-e-d with me Marley, one more time."

I fake yawned, standing up to stretch, watching his eyes watch me as they scrolled my body. "Yeah, I am a bit tired," and I yelped before I set off running as he stood up abruptly, reaching for me, chasing me back to the bedroom. And this time, we locked the door.