Happy Accidents & One Aggrieved Bookworm

A Harry Potter Fanfiction By Andrew Joshua Talon

Disclaimer: This is a fanbased parody work of prose. Please support the official release.


Note: This is an alternate timeline where Hogwarts Students start their first year at 13, rather than 11. Thus making this Harry 16-17 years old, and thus closer to legal. Just for my own conscience's sake.

Further Note: The part of Septima Vector is meant to be played by Lucy Pinder.


Harry sighed and closed the transfiguration textbook with a satisfying thud as the heavy tome shut. He was almost done with his summer assignments, weeks if not months earlier than he'd ever managed before. But then, he'd never been this motivated.

The less schoolwork he had left, the more time Septima could focus on arithmancy. The faster Harry caught up on arithmancy so he could join the class next semester, the more time they could spend dancing.

Harry's imagination drifted to the sight of her breasts, the feeling of her lips against his, the slick heat of her lips under his fingers, the way he had felt as he slid against first her hand, then her thigh, and finally blasting all over her pussy…

He slammed the book against the small desk and took a deep breath. Dancing. They could spend more time dancing Saturday. Anything more was a bonus he'd happily accept, but not expect.

Even if Septima had practically promised him that there would be more sex. That she was looking forward to it as well.

Harry had never been so motivated over his summer work load, or quite this distracted, either.

"Two more days, Harry," he muttered to himself. "Two more days."

Until then, the best thing he could do was start the next essay. Remove any barriers between him and spending time… dancing.

"Ugh. Potions," he said, looking at the next textbook.

He heard the doorbell ring, and dismissed it, certain that it was one of Dudley's friends, or perhaps one of the two or three women who enjoyed having tea with Petunia. He'd overheard a few of their gossip-ridden get-togethers while he cleaned the kitchen this summer as Aunt Petunia and one or another mother from Smeltings ran their tongues and set the world to rights over a cup of tea.

He half-heartedly ran over the assignment Snape had given everyone. He was supposed to find a way to brew a draught of fever-suppression, except he was hypothetically out of poppies and oregano, or even any mint-leaf beetles to crush up. Which meant he had to make substitutions for all three ingredients and still come up with an effective potion without strong side-effects.

Any half-formed thoughts about the potion were disturbed when he heard raised voices downstairs. Frowning, he stood up and opened his bedroom door.

"I don't see what's so strange, I'm a friend of Harry's from school."

Harry blinked, recognizing Hermione's voice immediately. He rushed down stairs, grateful that his uncle was at work.

"We don't want any more of the boy's weirdness here," Petunia said, "we have plenty enough as it is."

Harry shot down the stairs, skipping several at a time in his rush to diffuse the situation.

"We're just talking about some assignments," Harry said as hit the bottom landing. "Nothing weird, I promise," he said. "Come up to my room, Hermione?"

Petunia's glare flitted between them both, but eventually relaxed into a frown. "No funny business," she said, waving her finger around in a crude mime of a wand. Then his aunt blinked and glanced between them again, and her glare returned. "Of any kind."

Harry's mouth was already open to give her some empty platitude, but he coughed. "Right. You know I can't use ma- I can't do that away from school until my birthday," he said, grabbing Hermione's arm and pulling her towards the stairs.

Dudley had come out of the kitchen, and looked over Hermione with an appreciative gaze before catching Harry's eyes. He flashed his cousin a grin and a thumbs up from behind his mother, and Harry thought he caught Dudley mouthing the word 'nice'.

"That hasn't stopped you before," Petunia said.

"No funny business, I promise!" Harry said, as they disappeared upstairs.

He closed his bedroom door behind them and sighed in relief.

"Not that it's not great to see you, Hermione, but what are you doing here?" He asked, turning to face his blushing best friend.

"I thought I'd come over and make sure you're feeling well," Hermione said. "I know you don't like your family, but is she always like that?"

"This summer has been pretty decent, actually," Harry said. "I mostly try to stay out of their way, and they're mostly doing the same. It's refreshing, honestly."

Hermione frowned, and looked back down stairs. "Still, it's hardly a surprise that a classmate might come visit you. Anyway, how are you doing?"

"Pretty well, all things considered," Harry answered, the tension slowly dropping as he realized he could actually talk to one of his best friends. "How did you get here?"

"The Knight Bus. It's not that long a journey, actually," Hermione said.

"Oh? That's great," Harry said. "Sit? Or do you want to stretch your legs after the bus?" Harry asked, hopping on his bed and pointing to the chair by his small desk.

"Yes, please," Hermione said, and stretched her body out a bit. "I can understand why almost no one uses it once they get their apparition license."

"You'll be proud. I only have two more essays to write this summer," Harry said.

"Oh? Already?" Hermione asked, her attention hijacked at the mention of homework.

"Yeah, just potions and history left. History shouldn't be hard, it'll just be… tedious," Harry said.

Hermione nodded. "Yeah. It was pretty dry material." Her eyes slid down to something large, wadded up and sticking out from behind Harry's desk. "What's that?"

Harry turned to what she was staring at. "Oh. That's a gift from Septima."

The tent was collapsed, and out of the way so that Vernon or Petunia wouldn't ask too many questions, or try to destroy it.

"Professor Vec-" Hermione automatically went to correct him, but stopped herself. "What is it?"

Harry felt himself light up. "You'll love it! It's the focus of her arithmancy mastery! You remember the tent the Weasley's had for the Cup? It's like that, but it has two entrances! So not only is it big enough on the inside for several rooms, but there's another door to Septima's home."

Hermione looked it over excitedly, before starting as though realizing something. She turned back to him with an odd expression.

"So… You can visit her home any time now?"

There was a strange edge to her question.

Harry shook his head. "No, she's the only one who can use the main exit. But we can meet in the tent. She's going to get me up to speed in arithmancy this summer so I can join you in her class next year."

"Really? That's great!" Hermione said, though Harry thought she didn't sound as excited as he would have expected. "How often are you two meeting?"

"Only the once, so far," Harry said. "We have another session this Saturday night. Oh, that reminds me, I need to think of something to cook again."

"You're making her dinner?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "It's nice to do it for someone besides them," he said, nodding downstairs. "Do you want to see it? I have no idea how it works, but I'm sure she'd explain it to you."

"Is she in there?"

"Now? Probably not. I went in a few times this week to get away from Vernon, but I didn't see her."

"Oh," Hermione said. She stared at the tent a bit longer. "Maybe later. So you're going to be joining us in arithmancy class next year?"

"That's the plan. Septima says since I had a muggle education, I can probably catch up. Though I doubt I'll ever catch up to you," Harry grinned. Hermione flushed a bit at the compliment, and smiled back warmly.

"Good! It'll be nice to share another class," Hermione said. "So you're really doing all right?"

Harry shrugged. "I mean, overall? Yeah. I'm worried about Voldemort being back obviously. But until I can do something about it… I don't know. I'm trying to focus on, ya know, other things."

"Like homework? I can't believe that after four years you're actually getting ahead of it for once," Hermione joked, picking up his stack of essays and flipping through them. "Not without me nagging you half to death over them."

"I thought if I got it out of the way, I could focus on important things," Harry said. "Er, not that school isn't important-" He back pedaled quickly, knowing how Hermione could get.

"But there's more important stuff going on right now," Hermione nodded. "I understand, Harry. Good for you," she said, still scanning the parchments. She sounded calm, but there was a strange tension in her stance that made Harry nervous.

"So, did you want to go somewhere? We could get lunch," Harry suggested.

"I didn't really have a plan other than making sure you were okay, to be honest," Hermione admitted. "I ate before I came, I wasn't sure how long the bus would take."

"Oh. Well, thanks for visiting. How's your summer been?"

"Good! It's nice to see my parents again. It's been a bit weird though. They managed to get a subscription to the Daily Prophet, so they're a bit concerned seeing my name in the papers. I think my Dad wanted to have a 'chat' with you for a few weeks, but Mom calmed him down, and I explained things."

"Oh god, Rita's articles?" Harry asked, wincing.

"To start with. Thankfully I've taken care of that, at least for now," Hermione smiled, but it wasn't the type he was used to seeing on her face. He had last seen that smile when Draco was a ferret being bounced around by Moody- or actually Crouch Jr, Harry realized. It was the smile that he and Ron thought of as "scary Hermione". He wasn't certain he wanted to ask any details.

"The whole thing with Voldemort has them nervous too," Hermione frowned. "They haven't actually said it, but I'm a bit worried that they don't want me going back to Hogwarts."

Harry felt his throat close up. "But that's-"

Hermione smiled. "I'm probably just imagining things. So how was your date with Septima?"

"Date?!" Harry asked.

"You need to think of something to cook again," Hermione said. "So I assume you made dinner for her last time too. Between that and what happened with Parvati, I can fill in the blanks."

Harry swallowed. He had the feeling he was missing something. Something that was very important, but he couldn't figure out exactly what it was.

"I guess you could call it a date. I mean, if she wasn't going to be my teacher next year," Harry started.

Hermione just looked at him with amusement, her mouth twitching.

Harry groaned. "Just how much do you know?"

Her grin spread across her face. "I don't have to be Dumbledore to see what's going on, you know. And you aren't the only person to be concerned for Professor Vector's health."

"You were, uh, in the hospital wing? Again?" Harry asked.

"Yes. You're normally more aware, but I suppose you were pretty distracted."

"Oh," Harry said simply, not sure what else to say.

"So? How did it go? The date, I mean."

"It was really nice," Harry admitted. "You're not… concerned?" He asked, thinking back to Hermione insisting she watch over his dueling training.

Hermione looked away. "I was for a while, but. She clearly cares for you too. Professor V- Septima is a wonderful woman. She's practically my idol."

"Ah."

The two of them stared at each other for some time, the silence getting more awkward. Hermione mercifully broke it first.

"So, uh, how far have you gotten with your potions essay?"

"I was just about to start. I think I'm going to sub out the beetles first."

Hermione shook her head. "Understandable, but you'll want to look at the oregano first. Everything falls into place after that. Otherwise you'll probably spend a day or two trying to work through the side effects."

"Thanks!" Harry said.

"Have you looked up the reaction table in the appendix? It really helps," Hermione suggested, picking up the potions textbook.

Harry smiled, and grabbed a pencil to take notes with. He was glad Hermione had come over.

There was a small, bitter part of him that wondered why it had taken so long for her to visit, but it vanished underneath his good mood and the joy of just interacting with a friend in his so-called home. He couldn't have dreamed of this happening before Hogwarts.


A couple of hours later, the pair were startled by a knock at the door.

Petunia walked in with a tray, two cups of tea on top. She looked around the room and nodded to herself as she took in the book and notes Harry was writing.

"I made tea. Vernon will be home in another hour or so. It might be best if your friend wasn't here."

Harry stared at his aunt in disbelief.

"I… Aunt Petunia-?"

Petunia didn't look at Harry, very deliberately, as she set the tray down.

"One hour."

She turned and headed out, shutting the door behind her without another word. Harry's jaw went up and down a few times as he tried to process what had just happened.

"Harry? Are you all right?" Hermione asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

"Yes? Just trying to make sense of what just happened," he explained.

Hermione frowned. "I'm sorry. I didn't know I'd make so much trouble for you."

"That's not- That's the most polite my aunt has been in… years. I don't…" He looked at the door, still not sure what to make of things. He looked down at his notes. They were practically finished with the solution for potions, he just needed to write the essay now.

Hermione squeezed his shoulder very gently, and her voice became as delicate as fine china.

"Did she… Did they ever… Hurt you?" She asked, very, very carefully. Harry looked up into her eyes- she looked deeply concerned, and guilty.

"What? No. I mean, well, no. Vernon probably would have if he didn't have the fear of Dumbledore and Hagrid made clear to him," Harry said. "It's just…" he trailed off.

"We don't have to talk about it," Hermione said quickly, hands immediately going up, "I'm sorry, I know I'm nosy, but I realized maybe I wasn't nosy enough about your situation and maybe I was… being a bad friend…" She trailed off, eyes sinking down to the floor.

"Hey, never. You've always been there for me," Harry said, and realized how true that was.

"I could have visited a lot before now," Hermione admitted, "But I thought you… I mean…" She sighed. "I'm sorry. It's very complicated all of a sudden."

Harry wasn't entirely sure what had gotten complicated, but then Hermione could be baffling. Like now.

"Well, there's definitely a lot going on, but I'm glad you're here now," he said. "And that's the important thing?"

"Yeah," Hermione agreed. "Hey. If we have only an hour, do you still want to show me the tent?"

"Sure," Harry said. "Actually, we can probably practice magic in there. As long as we don't overload the compressed something manifold and get smooshed out of existence."

"Perhaps you should get a few more details from Septima?" Hermione asked. "I don't want either of us getting smooshed. Anyway, I can technically cast magic outside of school now, and you only need to wait a few more weeks."

Harry nodded, accepting the point. "She was pretty clear, I just didn't understand the technical bits," Harry said, setting his notes aside on the desk. "Here. You just tap it with a wand, once I get it clear," he said, pulling the tent out and setting it in the middle of the room. He pulled his wand out, giving it a tap, and the tent shot up and filled out, inviting them in.

"After you?" Harry held the flap open. Hermione grinned and stepped in.

"Wow," Hermione said, looking around. "I know all this is possible, but to do it with two different exits? Where is the other one?"

Harry pointed the closet out across the expanded room. "We should probably leave it alone, since it's keyed to just Septima."

Hermione nodded. "Still, I know just enough to know this is a major step forward in functional topology magic. Septima is giving you something really special."

Harry blushed and stepped further into the room, trying not to think about just what she'd given him. "Yeah, it's really impressive. And it's nice to jump in here when my family gets on my nerves. I just don't want to do it too much. I don't know what would happen if Vernon tried to burn it while I was inside. I'd probably have to wait until Saturday for Septima to let me out," He said with a chuckle. "At least I'd have plenty to eat."

He noticed that there was more food here than the last time he'd been in a few days ago, so Septima must have been in here at some point. He led Hermione around the handful of rooms, not saying anything as they were all fairly self-evident.

"Yeah, that would be a pain…" Hermione trailed off and her eyes caught something bright lying on the bed. She picked it up. Was it a silk handkerchief or-?

The fabric fell open, and a racy pair of purple knickers fell out of the cup of a massive bra. She gaped at it. Harry's face turned bright red as he thought fast.

"Uh, she must have forgotten those. I think she said she used to use this on vacation before she turned it into her mastery project."

Hermione dropped the bra back on the bed. "Right. I shouldn't have… Of course. Harry, I'm so glad I came, but maybe I should head out before your Uncle gets back."

Harry shook his head. "We still have loads of time."

"I still have to sit through another Knight Bus ride before dinner."

Harry winced. "True. When do you think you can come back?

"Probably not tomorrow, I'm afraid. My parents still want to see me constantly, but they'll get over that soon," Hermione said. "Maybe a few days from now?" Hermione ventured. She smiled sheepishly. "I finished my work too."

"I had no doubt," Harry grinned. "That's fine. You know, I don't think I know your address? I could come over to your place sometime."

"That would be great!" Hermione said. "You think you can stomach the Knight Bus?"

"Better than floo," Harry laughed. "Maybe I should wait until Monday if your dad is still cross with me."

"Monday works!" Hermione agreed. She took a last glance at the matching underwear before heading for the tent flap. "Let's go before I get you in any more trouble with your family."

"It's worth a bit of trouble," Harry insisted, but followed her out.

Hermione wrote down her address on Harry's notes and sipped at her tea while Harry collapsed the tent and slid it behind the desk again. "She makes a decent cuppa, at least," Hermione joked.

Harry shrugged and nodded. "No one can fault her Britishness," he agreed. "You have enough for the fare?"

Hermione nodded. "I'll be fine," she said, holding her wand up, and stared at him.

Harry smiled. "Don't look at me like that. We're going to see each other in just a few days."

"Right. You've got my address." Hermione stepped forward and gave him a hug without thinking. His hands felt too hot around her as he hugged her back, and she was certain her face must be incandescent as she stepped back, but Harry didn't seem to notice anything.

"Let me see you out," Harry said.


Hermione stared out the bus window. She had to focus to remember how she'd gotten there. All she could think about were Harry's hands, a pair of knickers she didn't think she'd ever be confident enough to wear, a bra big enough to swallow her head, and how Harry had been embarrassed, but not surprised by them.

Monday suddenly felt a very long way away.

Saturday is a lot closer. She shook her head against the intrusive thought. She was not going to gatecrash a date.

Oh, already considering gate crashing? You could just invite yourself over for studying. You don't know it's a date, really.

It was clearly going to be a date. Harry hadn't denied it, and whatever he said, those purple knickers hadn't been forgotten. A woman wouldn't forget leaving knickers like that somewhere. Especially somewhere her date could find them. Even more especially where a young man who wasn't a date could find them.

You could just check in. It wouldn't hurt anything.

Hermione frowned out at the passing scenery before Stan did another maneuver to dodge a lorry, and she was slammed back against her seat.

"I'm not crashing their date."


A/N: If you notice a change in quality, blame Another Reader aka Stonebrow. Andrew Joshua Talon's muse has wandered off to other franchises, so I've mostly taken over the writing of this, and Talon backseat drives and tells me what he had been planning. Thanks for sticking around, hope you enjoyed!