Harry's Pet Peeves
Abused children may not know what to call their advanced sense of situational awareness, but they have one.
Harry Potter was no exception.
He had tried to ignore the rudeness of the first person to want to be his friend, but honestly, if you bleached Ronald Weasley's hair and taught him manners – if that was possible – he would pass fairly well as a twin of Draco Malfoy.
Harry wasn't too keen on the bushy-haired know-it-all either; she was bossy. But he did recognise someone seeking validation as someone else who was bullied or possibly abused. And if he had to be fair, Dorko Malcontent came over as over-anxious to declare how much his father loved him, too.
However, this was their problem, not Harry's; and Harry dodged Drongo Woodentop and Hernormously Gainwords as much as the blond berk.
He also quietly researched about the wizarding world which everyone seemed so keen to hide from him, and deliberately sought out Peeves.
Peeves was a poltergeist; the fat friar had willingly shared that with Harry. Harry felt a fellow feeling for Peeves; he both belonged, but was an outcast.
"Peeves, mate! Fancy an alliance?" said Harry.
Peeves, about to throw a water bomb at him, lowered his arm.
"Little Potty wants an alliance?" he said.
"Yes; I like you; you're funny," said Harry.
At this point he was stretching truth further than it comfortably went, but he needed Peeves on his side.
"Well, now!" said Peeves, pleased. "Did a few favours for big Potty, Peevsie did; real prankster was James Potter."
"I've never had the chance," said Harry, dolefully. "Whatever Professor Snape says."
"Poor little Snivellus, always got caught," sniggered Peeves. "What can Peevsie do for you?"
"Can you go places other than Hogwarts?" asked Harry.
"Only if I'm invited," said Peeves.
A beatific grin spread across Harry's face.
"Then if I invite you to consider number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging in Surrey to be your home, you could visit and entertain my muggle relatives?"
"You'd let me play with your muggles? What do you want in return?" asked Peeves, suspiciously.
Harry had been about to ask what he wanted for the service, but thought fast on his feet.
"I want them to want to move so much they do so, somewhere that the headmaster can't find them, before the end of the school year," said Harry.
"I'll have them out before Yule," boasted Peeves.
"I haven't much money, but this is what I have, to get pranking supplies," said Harry.
"You're a gent, mate," said Peeves.
.
.
Dudley was away at Smeltings, but he also had a generous half-term, and persuaded his parents to collect him for it. Peeves sauntered into the house behind the three.
"Nice threads, mate," he said to Dudley, genuinely admiring the rather gaudy Smeltings uniform.
Dudley jumped.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"I'm your new playmate," said Peeves. "Cor, you aren't 'arf fat! Doncher fink yer gonna pop yer clogs if yer don' get yer weight dahn? Not that I care."
Dudley slashed at Peeves with his Smeltings stick. Peeves flew up to the ceiling, bowing a raspberry at Dudley.
"Yah, can't get me," he said. A chase – of sorts – ensued, to the bellows of rage of Vernon and Petunia, which involved Dudley hitting out in blind rage, and Peeves hitting out at anything which looked as if it would make a jolly crash.
It took the entire half-term week to make the Dursleys decide to move.
"And the freak will come home from That School to find we've gone and he has nowhere to go; I can get behind that," said Vernon, viciously. "I bet it's his fault we've attracted this... thing, and he's welcome to it."
Peeves made himself invisible when Vernon and Petunia drove to their new home – Dudley had gone back to school more willingly than ever starting a new term than ever before – and Peeves made himself invisible to go with them, just so he could 'interpret' Vernon saying 'come in, come in quickly,' to Petunia.
He was going to leave them alone for a while, but he figured that he had been invited.
He returned to Hogwarts to report.
