Previously...
"What do you mean Alice isn't coming?" I said, alarmed.
"She's gone to follow a legend, look for clues about 'immortal children'. See if there's hope she'll stop growing," Edward told me secretly.
"Dammit, I told her she'd be coming,"
"Where's Aunt Alice?" She asked, right on cue. Edward had announced they were here once they came into his earshot, and she had run ahead of us to greet them. Everyone wore an uncomfortable expression for a second, but Emmet came in clutch.
Unlike, us, they were invited to stay with the Denali's. It was nothing personal, the little we had with them, the better.
So, this was mostly a pit stop, so Carlisle could hand over the morphine. We hoped that it would at least mitigate the pain of the transformation. My memory of the past experience was slightly dull, but I remembered it. I feared it.
I watched Edward tuck it away behind him to hide later. We'd pick a day soon enough. For now, let them catch up with Renesmee. Two days was its own little eternity to vampires. Second plus side to vampirism? I'd never forget the following memories I have with my daughter. I might lose the first few, but she'll remind me of them. It's a good trade-off.
I Follow Rivers- Lykke Li
LDP2
Chapter 3
There was some bittersweetness in the air. Though I never had much of a tie to my human life- I had never fit in no matter how much I tried or wanted to- I still appreciated certain parts of it. I'd miss food. People, and life, would still flow around me like a river around a boulder, but...as a vampire, I'd never be approachable. Like death itself, it was the loss of opportunities, of anything. I'd be forever untouchable when all I wanted was to connect with others.
But... Esme clearly cared for me. Alice, even though she wasn't here, I knew she was my sister. And Rosalie- she, herself, was reaching out, setting out differences aside. I certainly appreciated her efforts.
I was giving up what was designed to be temporary for eternity with most of the people I loved. Losing Charlie, Renee, and my 'high school friends' was just...the cursed part of it. I'd keep in touch with Charlie, but...I would bury him one day. The sense of safety he gave- I have to trade it for Edward's, Carlisle's, and everyone else's. I feared the day my family had to split up just to keep themselves safe.
...
"It's a lot like Forks," I was telling Esme. "Cute. Thankfully the one store in town is stocked well enough for Renesmee,"
"And with bears for us. Can't wait for Grizzly season- actually, irritable grizzlies put up a bigger fight,"
"Emmett," Esme admonished. He responded with a look that said 'What? What did I say wrong?'
"Well, you're not taking Renesmee out to see,"
"We don't play with our food," Esme said at the same time.
"Aren't we predators?" Renesmee asked innocently. She was perched on Emmett, trying to backward slam him I think.
"We're people first and foremost. Do you want to be?" I asked. Renesmee didn't enjoy hunting animals, because of the taste of their blood, not because they were cute- unless they were cuter animals? But I worried the sense of separation- living separately from others- or being different would encourage her to question our way of life.
She continued to pout with furrowed eyebrows. She looked most like Edward this way. It was her thinking face.
"We don't play with our food because it's cruel, and we remain aware that their death is why we can live," I reiterated. I've said this before when Jacob started teaching her to hunt.
"If it's unnecessary, it's unnecessary," Edward chimed, pinching her chin playfully.
"They're right," Emmett grumbled. "Besides, I only make them worry by trying to box with them,"
I shot him a smile, knowing that boxing bears were the only fun he could have in his eternal life besides... and he was just giving into the beliefs we were trying to instill in her. He finally managed to get her off him and set her down.
"Are you both feeling prepared?" Carlisle asked. Edward and I looked at each other. It was far from our minds, getting Renesmee settled was the focus.
"...as ready as we'll ever be," I answered. Esme rubbed my arm.
"We'll each visit," she said carefully. I understood Renesmee would be taken care of. More importantly protected while I was out.
Yes. For her. I am doing this for her. I would die for her many times over. And for Edward? Serve up my body, mind, heart, and mortality, just as he had.
Cold. I waited for Edward on our tiny porch, digging my hands into the snow that had collected on the banisters. My fingers burned like the memory of the snowball fight we had with Renesmee. I purposely played with fewer layers, trying to memorize how it felt to be cold, and how fun it was to huff into the cold air and see your breath for some reason- Why was that fun?- and what it felt like to be tired and need a break. Edward said nothing hurt or was uncomfortable when you were a vampire, except holding your breath for a long time. Did it feel numb? Was the cold sort of covered in a fog so I couldn't feel it completely?
I took a warm bath after playing, which would be unnecessary as a vampire, and enjoyed the feeling of my tense muscles relaxing. The others took Renesmee to the Denali's to say 'hello' and watch over her there. Meanwhile, I had to get ready for a date with Edward. He insisted I have a great meal. I didn't object because I loved food. I loved tasting combinations I never had before and have my life changed by it. Thankfully Alice did a lot of shopping for me after knowing I'd be around forever, so I had a nice cowl neck sweater dress to wear. A belt was added to keep my shape and fleece leggings for warmth.
"Ready?" Edward asked, draping a trench coat over my shoulders.
"Always,"
Essentially, we restaurant hopped a little, starting at a little Italian restaurant to recreate our first 'date' and ending at a gastro pub for crazy, colorful stuff to eat, drinks, and dessert that more closely resembled a science experiment. Edward had never seen me tipsy but I could tell he enjoyed it. I limited myself because I definitely didn't want to be so 'drunk' I nodded off today. Let me feel my heart stop and jump again because of him.
"God, I'm so stuffed..." I couldn't eat another bite. Half-full plates were taken away and I sipped my drink, noting how sweet it was, how it and the sting of alcohol complimented each other, and how I felt silly.
"Ready to go?"
"Mmm." I hummed.
It was pitch black out, allowing Edward and I to stroll around town under its string lights.
"All that was fantastic, but I know I won't miss it. Food doesn't taste good at all, after," I noted lightly.
"I wanted to give you a good, last experience,"
"I know- ooh! Ice cream!"
We quickly popped in somewhere for some soft serve. I really could barely fit it in, but as great as stiff, cookies and creme was, soft serve was a total treat. I whirled the thick creaminess around my mouth and remembered how I could barely have ice cream truck ice cream as a kid because of how expensive it was, but it was my favorite part of my childhood. That after playing for hours in the playground. I tried to recreate those memories for Renesmee and hoped I was successful, considering I couldn't take her out every day after school like my mom did.
I walked, Edward's cold hand in mine. I wanted to be in his arms, in bed, like all those nights we spent talking those first few days. I wanted to remind him I didn't mind how hard and cold he felt. That I preferred it because it was proof, I was with him and it was no one else.
I sort of wished I had more time with him as a human. So, he could live precariously through me and I him.
"Let's go home," I said. He nodded and I rushed to give my ice cream to stray down the road.
We made out as I got undressed, shoes forgotten in the hall somewhere, my belt on the bedroom floor. My leggings were taken off, too warm inside for them. My dress was pulled off, so my body was exposed. I was out of my mind. I was having a little adrenaline rush. I shivered under his touch, goosebumps appearing on my skin.
"Bella..."
"I'm alright," I said shakily. As heated as it got, as it always got, we slowed it down.
I laid down on the plum-colored bed, sheets pulled to the end of it. I had the thought of how I wished I could hug Renesmee again. I did before they took her away, but that was hours ago. I pulled myself into position, trying to regulate my breathing while Edward rummaged for the morphine.
"Bella, you don't have to if you don't want to," Edward said, syringe in hand. I gave him a look.
"I've decided." I want to. It's normal to still be scared shitless.
We did indeed explain to Renesmee what was going to happen. She understood a little, how our family was created, that the others didn't have much of a choice but that it was a blessing because they happened to be each other's person. We explained that I had finally 'arrived' after a hundred years and had to undergo it, so we didn't get separated. I alluded that one day it would be her turn because she worried, she would be left behind somewhere down the line.
"I'll be with you the entire time," He murmured. I'm afraid because it's going to hurt. I think he understood.
As fun as it would've been to have been bitten during sex, we couldn't risk another pregnancy and we'd have all the time in the world to get it on after.
Edward sanitized my inner elbow and injected the morphine. It was nearly enough to kill someone. The venom would burn some of it, so there had to be enough for some to remain. I wasn't afraid of his administration; he was practically a doctor with his education.
Next, he pulled out an intimidating syringe -all stainless steel so you couldn't see its contents, extremely girthy- that he was going to inject directly into my heart. My breathing hitched.
"Don't worry. I'll do it well,"
The tears that welled up in my eyes flowed as he covered my chest with iodine.
"It's okay. Do it," I clutched the sheets tightly on either side of me. My grip started to loosen with the morphine finally working. Edward positioned himself over me.
"Do it!" I closed my eyes tight. Kissing my tightly pressed lips and resting his forehead on mine, he whispered "I love you,"
I was distracted for a second, then there was this sharp, stabbing pain radiating through my chest.
"AAAAHHHHH!" I screamed. His hand still held the syringe, and he was pushing the plunger down. It was so strange, seeing him like this and the effort it took for him to do this to me.
Keep it in, keep it in! I yelled to myself. I grunted in my effort to keep as quiet as possible for his sake.
I'm considering making my own gender-bent Twilight b/c I've heard tidbits of how it goes in Life and Death and I don't like it much, but I haven't read it! So please PM the plot and your thoughts so I can decide.
I'm truly sorry for not updating, and I won't say that much because it'll get annoying, but I hope you enjoyed my rambling here. Up there ^
Here's how I had the syringe stab originally:
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"I'm a doctor, Bella,"
I shot him a look of disbelief.
"I passed the licensing exam, in case I ever wanted to work alongside Carlisle. If I could...trust me. I'm a doctor," He followed that with a smirk. Not exactly making me feel better.
"Stop making me nervous," He said.
"I'm making you nervous?"
"Lay down,"
I did as he said, taking my shirt off and making myself comfortable on the bed.
"Edward." I scolded.
"Right. Later."
