"Well maybe not the most." Deadpool says through voiceover.
Back in Archer and Lana's apartment, we see a 'Shazam' action figure lying atop of an album cover.
"Uh... This is my most prized possession," Archer said. He removes the action figure and grabs the album, holding it up to show Lana in all its glory.
"Top Gun?" Courtney said, nonplussed.
"No, no, no. Kenny Loggins!" Duncan said with emphasis. "Top Gun is just the album where Kenny Loggins hit the big time." Lana rolls in her eyes at Archer's relaxed attitude towards their current situation.
"So, am I supposed to just smile and wave you out the door?" Lana asked.
"Think of it like spring cleaning," Archer said. "Only if Spring was death." He grabs a coin purse situated on the top shelf of his dresser. "God, if I had a quarter for every time I spanked it a Dreamland." Lana grabs the coin purse from Archer and shakes it, resulting in a plethora of coins jingling inside.
"Sounds like you do." Archer tries to take it back from her, but she clutches it firmly. "Dreamland is not going anywhere, because you're not going anywhere." She puts the coin purse in her shirt and gives Archer a glass of vegetable juice. "Drink."
"You're right. The cancer's only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain. All things I can live without," he says, sarcastically, before taking a sip of the juice. "Ha." He sets it down and walks over towards his bed.
"You belong here at home. Surrounded by your Voltron, and your Dreamland, and your me."
Archer grabs a few items and places them in a backpack before turning to face Lana. "Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like, a Yakov-Smirnoff-shooting-animals-for-shits-and-giggles shit-show." He sits down on the bed. "And under no circumstances will I take 'you' to that show." He insinuates the 'you' in the sentence, emphasizing that he doesn't want Lana to have to deal with this in any way, shape, or form. "I want you to remember me. Not the ghost of Christmas me."
"Well, I wanna remember us," Lana said, emotional.
"I swear to God, I will find you in the next life, and I'm gonna boom-box 'Danger Zone' outside your window. K. Log!"
Lana looks down. "No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay?" She plots down beside him. "We can fight this." Archer scoffs as she snuggles her head against his shoulder. "Besides, I just realized something. You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine." Archer's eyes widen before chuckling at this remark.
"I love you." They kiss, and Lana rolls on top of him.
At Sister Jessica's, we at first focus our attention on a pool game before taking notice of Archer strolling up to the bar. Krieger stands behind it, tending to the countertop
"Archer," he says, acknowledging his presence.
"Krieger," Archer said, nodding in acknowledgement as he sits down on a barstool.
"You look like you need a Blow Job and a shower. Though courtesy calls for the latter first."
"How about three shots of Patrón?"
"Or how about Triticum aestivum, wheatgrass." Holds up a few stalks of wheatgrass. "Excellent for the immune system."
"Jesus Christ. You sound like Lana. Here, check it out." He proceeds to pull out several pamphlets out of his back pocket. "She's sending away for all these colorful clinic brochures. I'm sure they're all FDA approved." He says with sarcasm in his voice before reading off the list of countries present in the brochures. "Chechnya. Isn't that where you go to get cancer? You got China and Central Mexico. You know how they say 'cancer' in Spanish?"
"No," Krieger said, grabbing a photograph of Archer and Lana the night Archer proposed.
"El Cáncer."
"Oh. I could have guessed that." He holds up the photo to show Archer, reminding him of when he had a soul. "Look how happy you look here. Mind if I keep this? Put it up, so I can remember when you looked alive." Archer chuckles as Harold puts the photograph in a slot on the cooler door. "At least now I'm gonna win the dead pool. Now that you're gonna die tragically of cancer."
"I got it, Krieger. Thanks."
"Oh." Krieger, remembering something, pulls a black card out of his shirt pocket and hands it too Archer. "And, uh, that guy over there came in looking for you. Real Grim Reaper type." The card lists only a phone number typed in a white text. "I don't know. Might further the plot."
Archer stands up and approaches a man in a dark suit facing away from him. As he passes by, Ricky hands Archer a shot glass.
"Ricky."
"Archer."
They both nod at each other as Archer downs the shot and sets the glass upside down on the suited man's table, gaining the man's attention. Archer sighs as he takes a seat.
"Mr. Archer," the suited man said, respectfully.
"How can I help you?" Archer asked. "Besides luring children into a panel van."
"I understand you've recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer," the suited man says with an even tone.
"Stalker alert," Archer said, aggrieved.
"It's my job. Recruitment. I'm sorry you've had such a tough go. But you're a fighter. Special Forces. 41 confirmed kills."
"One every seven weeks. Same rate most folks get a haircut." Archer takes the Recruiter's drink and finishes it off, yet the suited man doesn't even flinch. "It's to wash the taste out. It's tough to forget being so impressive."
"And now, you spend your days sticking up for the little people..." the Recruiter said before Archer interrupted him.
"People change. What do you want?" Archer asked, impatient.
"I represent an organization that may be able to help." Archer looks intrigued. "What if I told you we can cure your cancer? And what's more, give you abilities most men only dream of." Archer stares impassively at the Recruiter.
"I'd say that you sound like an infomercial, but not a good one, like Slap Chop. More Shake Weight-y."
"The world needs extraordinary soldiers," the Recruiter said. "We won't just make you better. We will make you better than better. A superhero."
This is a deal breaker for Archer. "Look, Agent Smith, I tried the hero business and it left a mark. But if I ever hit 'fuck it', I'll look you up." Archer starts to leave before recalling some important information and turning back towards the Recruiter. "Oh, um… Shit. We're within 500 yards of the school so you may wanna…" He indicates the Recruiter should steer clear of the school to avoid arrest before leaving the table. As Archer returns to the bar, he gestures back at the Recruiter. "His drink's on him." Archer sits warily at the bar where the pile of folded brochures still sits.
"What did he say?" Krieger asked. Archer doesn't speak, as he begins contemplating the Recruiter's offer.
In Archer and Lana's apartment at night, rain runs down the windows a thunder sounds off in the background and sirens wail out in the streets. Archer sits in a chair with his fists pressed to his mouth, deep in thought. He cries into his clinched hands in the dark, conflicted on what he should do. Lana begins to stir and notices Archer silently weeping in the chair.
"Hey, what's going on?" Lana asked.
"Hey. Sorry." He wipes tears away before standing up and making his way towards the bed. "I had a Ryan Reynolds nightmare. I dreamt I was in Ryan Reynolds's office looking over the script for the Green Lantern. I tried saying 'No', but I couldn't stop myself from saying 'Yes'." Archer comes back to bed and lies down with his arm around Lana. She snuggles into him, placing her arm on his chest. "You kind of have to wonder what was going on in his head at the time he agreed to the project. Good thing he later admitted he regretted having said 'Yes', otherwise I would've lost some respect for the guy." Lana closes her eyes as Archer lies awake. After a moment of contemplation, he realizes just how much Lana truly means to him, and against his better judgement, he makes a decision he knows will be the most brutal thing he and Lana will ever have to go through.
He packs a bag and looks back at Lana as he heads for the door, a look of sorrow clearly evident upon his face. Deadpool begins speaking through voiceover.
"The worst part about cancer isn't what it does to you… but what it does to the people you love. Who knew if this guy could save my life… but I knew there was only one way that I could save hers." As Archer exits the apartment, Lana wakes to find herself alone in bed. "Isn't that what superheroes do?"
On a city street, Archer pulls out the Recruiter's black card as he walks. He places a call to the Recruiter, signifying he's made his choice.
