Resume : The USS Enterprise resumes its mission of exploration in space. One year after the betrayal of Admiral Marcus and the revenge of Khan, Jim Kirk still finds it hard to live with what happened. While his loved ones try their best to help him, they are far from imagining what awaits them in the vastness of space, and that the past is not always as far away as one might think. Jim will have to face his biggest mistakes. Will Spock help him cover his tracks again? Will Jim keep his Captain status? And most importantly, will Hermes be his loss, or his salvation?
This is a translation of my own fiction (original version is in french). If there's mistakes, please tell me. Thank you for your reading.
Prologue
Jim was running to blow out his lungs. What kind of trouble had they gotten themselves into again?! He was running straight ahead without even seeing where he was stepping. The ceiling of the cave was collapsing on top of him and he clearly didn't have time to observe the landscape any longer. For what there was to see. He was blessing the phosphorescent foam deposit to light it a minimum, preventing him from running straight against a wall.
He rushed against one of them when a huge rock fell right on his position. He spontaneously dropped his communicator, which fell to the ground in the middle of the rain of rocks.
"Shit! "
He jumped on it to retrieve it and resumed his run, activating his communicator.
"Kirk to Enterprise ! Did the shuttle manage to take off ? "
Jim stumbled on a rock and spread out on the steep ground. This time, he held his communicator firmly in his hand. The communicator activated again as he got up and started running again.
« Captain, they've managed to get away; we're trying to lock your position to beam you on board, but there's too much interference. »
Spock had only confirmed his fears. He could see the end of the cave. Another hundred or so meters. Behind him, a second explosion caused a greater tremor throughout the cave. The horizon of light in front of him became blocked. He hesitated for less than a second: noticing an opening under a rock, he entered it without even thinking about a chance to get out.
He crawled several meters, suffocating with dust and the small space of his passage. Then, at last, he saw the light. The passage was too narrow. He had to force his way out. He leaned on the rock and pulled himself out, screaming under the effort and pain. He almost suffocated in panic for fear of getting stuck.
« Captain, the density of the environment seems to prevent optimal locking of your signal, you should move away from the crash site. »
Jim shouted under the effort.
"No shit ! "he let go, knowing that no one would hear him.
He pulled, to get his pelvis through, and finally, the legs followed, in a real cry of relief. Without further ado, he got up and walked away from the area, rushing towards the path cleared by the crash of the Cardassian ship.
"Beam me up ! "
His order sounded more like a cry of despair. Jim continued to run straight ahead as the ground was gradually collapsing.
"Hurry ! "
Jim's left foot sank into the void. He was falling. Just as the sparks of the teleportation surrounded him.
Jim spread out on the receiving plate of the teleporters with his head forward, his nose acting as a shock absorber in a significant "crack". So did his cry of pain.
"Jim ! Well, you have a knack for landing gracefully every time! "
The Captain of the Enterprise glanced blackly at his Chief Medical Officer as he sat back, holding his nose as blood flowed abundantly. Bones pointed his tricorder at him and Jim immediately turned his gaze to Spock, who had just arrived.
"Did Flemmings and his crew get back on board? Ouch! "
Bones had just stuck a hypospray in his arm. Spock replied immediately.
"They're all safe on board and have no injuries to report. Unlike you. "
Jim was clearly not in the mood for that kind of "fact" from his first mate. Bones put a light in front of his eyes that blinded him and made his anger rise a little more.
"It's all right, I'm fine! I just broke my nose! "
Bones pulled the light out but made a grimace.
"No, It's not all right! You're badly injured and I need to take a closer look at your wounds! "
Jim didn't have time to protest. He was grabbed by the arm and dragged through the hallways by Bones, who directed them to the infirmary, watching his ribs and hips. Now that the adrenaline was flowing back down, Jim actually felt a painful tingling in places.
The doctor forced him to sit down and, armed with another hypospray, injected one of those products that Kirk was completely unaware of. Bones lifted the ruins of his yellow uniform, making Jim wince. Now he was starting to feel the pain, and his head was spinning. Christine passed by in a gust of wind, giving him two wicks with coagulant properties that he flicked into each nostril.
"I guess the mission was a failure. "
Jim made no secret of his annoyance when he turned to Spock.
"Brilliant observation, Mr. Spock. It was in your statistics, I'll grant you that. And now I'm going to have to inform Admiral Aaya Na'er that we were unable to retrieve the damn black box or download its contents! "
Jim closed his eyes for a moment, aware that he was getting upset for nothing.
"My apologies, Captain. I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. "
The blonde turned his head towards Spock, softening up.
"I'm the one who's sorry, Spock. I shouldn't have answered you like that. "
Jim was well aware that Spock was in the infirmary not to worry about the mission, but to see how he was doing.
He held a sigh. Since they had resumed their expedition after the betrayal of Admiral Marcus a year ago, Spock had changed his attitude towards him. He had become more present, although he was still the same stuck ice cube. Sometimes Jim couldn't decide whether it was a sign of friendship or just a second in command who feared his captain's follies.
Jim grinned as Bones applied a regenerating bandage to his ribs.
"I don't know how you did that to yourself, but it cut you pretty deep. "
Jim shrugged.
"Crawling out, probably. Their rock was pretty sharp. "
Spock nodded his head.
"It looked volcanic in nature. "
Jim nodded his head too, in agreement with Spock.
"Okay, I'm done. Jim, come back tomorrow for a complete check-up and then rest! Your data indicates that you're seriously starting to get exhausted! "
Jim straightened up and removed the wicks from his nose.
"You've already told me, Bones, I'm telling you that it will pass in a few days! "
He threw the wicks away and headed for the exit. Bones shouted behind him:
"You told me that last week and the week before that! "
The doors closed just afterwards. Jim was already in the corridor, heading towards the turbolift, Spock following him like his shadow. Spock was trying to call out to him, but Jim ignored him, knowing full well what Spock was going to say. That Bones was right, that he had to listen to him, that it could go wrong, etc. He knew all the vulcan morality speeches by heart. He entered the turbolift.
"Captain, Dr. McCoy is right. You should consider taking some time off-"
Jim cut it by raising his hand.
"My health is my business, Commander. I manage. End of discussion. "
He clenched his teeth and stared at the turbolift doors, impatiently waiting for them to open. Spock didn't add another word. Good for him. Jim wasn't in the mood.
"Captain on the bridge. "
Kirk took his seat in his command chair and looked at his first pilot:
"Throttle up, Mr. Sulu! We're getting out of here! Get back on course to our original destination."
The Asian nodded his head and started the maneuver.
"Yes, Captain. "
Kirk waited for them to go to warp before turning to Spock:
"I'll let you take over the watch. I will contact the Admiral from my quarters. "
Spock nodded his head and they swapped places.
When the turbolift doors closed and he was alone, Jim let out a deep sigh. What a shitty situation. He ran one hand through his hair, feeling the exhaustion fall back on his tense shoulders. He stepped out of the turbolift, walking through the pristine white corridors of the Enterprise more out of automatism than anything else.
He dialed his identification code and entered his quarters. He took a glass of water and swallowed it in one gulp and headed to his bathroom. His uniform was ruined, torn and stained with blood everywhere, blackened by dust and ashes. One less uniform, for a change.
He undressed completely and turned on his shower. Bones' bandages would hold without a problem. He put his forehead against the wall, closing his eyes to try to relax his muscles under the hot water. He had to sum up the situation to know exactly what he had to say.
As they set course for a little-known nebula at the edge of Federation space, Kirk received an order from Admiral Aaya Na'er to carry out an emergency mission. As the Enterprise was the only Federation ship in the area, Jim had no choice but to obey and set aside his mission of exploration.
From what the Admiral had told him, a Galor-class ship of the Cardassian Union had crashed on a planetoid not far from their course. It had then become vital for the Federation to go on the spot to recover a maximum of data which the ship contained, in particular to recover their black box. Such a ship represented a real gold mine of information.
The idea was then to arrive on the scene of the crash, to recover the black box and to leave without being spotted. It was simple. A round trip. What they hadn't foreseen was the planetoid's topographical data, which was catastrophic. Getting there was far too dangerous, and Spock had strongly opposed it, Scotty too, and Jim had no choice but to try.
So with a security team, he went. The Cardassian ship, although badly damaged, had a hull much stronger than the ground and had sunk several hundred meters under the rock. Jim had landed their shuttle outside and they went there, trying to reach the ship through the galleries dug naturally in the rock. They had barely set foot aboard the ship when everything began to shake.
Just thinking about it made Jim shudder. The few Cardassians who had miraculously survived the crash had trapped their ship. The chain reaction had been violent. Jim had tried to stop the reactor's operation via the control panels when he ordered his crew to go ahead and flee. He had failed. He did not read Cardassian very well, and his computer and flying skills had been of no help to him.
So he had run away as well. Result : he had almost died, that of his team and the ship had gone in pieces, buried under tons of stone. The plan had been flawed from the start, but the hierarchy might not have the same opinion.
Jim turned off the water and got out of the shower. He was exhausted. Morally, psychologically, physically. Especially physically. He was having a hard time keeping up with the pace and this little outdoor getaway had pushed him over the edge. He let his gaze get lost on his reflection. The image he saw was not pleasant. His complexion was paler than usual, his features were drawn and large dark circles adorned the underside of his eyes. Not to mention his broken nose, which was still colored despite Bones' regenerative treatments.
He dressed wearily and prepared to make the call that was sure to displease him. His caller answered after a few seconds.
« Captain Kirk. How did the mission go? »
Jim crossed his arms in front of the projected face of the alpha trill.
"Admiral, the mission proved to be a failure. As we told you, the topographical data indicated unstable ground and brittle rock, making any land expedition dangerous. Add to that the fact that the ship was booby-trapped and you get a Cardassian ship in pieces and a crew that narrowly escaped death."
The Admiral tried to hide his frustration. Jim could read it perfectly on his face.
« You've wasted an invaluable opportunity for us to get information about the Cardassian Empire! I hope you didn't leave any trace of your passage. You disappoint me, Captain Kirk. You don't deserve the praise Christopher had for you. »
Jim received the spade in his heart, but he didn't let it get him down in front of her. It was out of the question.
"With all due respect, Admiral Na'er, I'm not a miracle worker. I followed your orders, despite the fact that you endangered the lives of my men. You ignored the risks, now here are the consequences."
The brunette gave him a black look.
« Your insolence is matched only by your incompetence. »
Jim clenched his teeth before opening his mouth to answer a scathing reply when the intercom in his quarters rang. Jim turned his head towards the door for a moment before turning his attention to the Admiral.
"I have to end our charming discussion, Admiral. I will send you a detailed report of the mission."
« I'll be sure to report your failure to Starfleet High Command. »
Jim smiled his most beautiful, impudent smile at her.
"Good, I was just about to send them the mission report as well. Good evening, Admiral. "
The communication broke down without him even making a gesture. Jim let out his anger by sweeping his table with a wave of his arm.
"What a bitch! "
The chess board flew away. He pinched his forehead and the doorbell rang again. He tried to calm his breathing before going to the door and opening it.
"Captain. "
Jim smiled a big smile, spontaneously happy to see a face he liked.
"Spock! Your sense of timing just saved my ass, you have no idea! Is there a problem? "
Spock tilted his head slightly to the side. Jim guessed his question even before the words of the Vulcan came out of his mouth:
"I came to ask about you. Did your interview with the Admiral go badly? "
Jim shrugged his shoulders.
"Let's just say I've heard worse. This woman forgets that respect goes both ways, even if my rank is lower than hers. "
The braiding of one of Spock's eyebrows indicated his slight amusement.
"For your part, I find this rather... ironic. "
Jim couldn't help smiling.
"It's true, I'll give you that. "
Spock continued:
"Would you like us to resume tonight the chess game we began three days ago? "
Jim closed his eyes, passing a hand on the back of his neck. The game they had started just before this unexpected mission to the planetoid. The game he had just sent less than two minutes before.
"Uh... I accidentally knocked the set over. Shall we do another one tonight? "
Spock nodded.
"With pleasure. "
Jim smiled at him and Spock turned to leave when he stopped.
" « Accidentally », Captain? "
Jim had a delay before responding.
"Yes, well, you know what I mean! See you later. "
He closed the door before Spock could add anything. To prevent Jim from exposing his misbehavior any further. He didn't need to be lectured again. Not today.
He glanced at the chessboard and all the pieces turned over. He forced himself to pick it all up and put the pieces back on the table in a hurry, eager to get it over with. He still had a lot of work to do and he didn't want it to take up his whole evening. Not tonight.
He almost forgot that Spock was due to arrive. When the intercom in his quarters rang again, Jim decided it was time to stop. He went to open the door for Spock, who naturally settled into his usual place when they were playing.
"I assume you're not drinking with me? "
Jim showed Spock the bottle of whiskey he had in his hands. Spock shook his head negatively.
"Water will do, Captain. Thank you. "
Jim had anticipated and brought the two glasses to the table as Spock placed the coins on the trays. Jim found an apple right in front of his seat.
"I brought this back to you. Not feeding you would slow down your recovery time. "
The Captain smiled a grateful smile at him. He always found that kind of touching gesture from the Vulcan.
They then began their chess game, in silence, as usual. At the same time, Jim ate his apple under the watchful eye of his commander. Since the beginning of the trip, they regularly met in each other's quarters at night to spend evenings like this. Sometimes they would play in the officers' lounge, but they were used as a show for passers-by and that could sometimes annoy them.
So the time they spent in private in their quarters was a privilege they gave each other. Sometimes, instead of chess, Jim would come and listen to Spock play the Vulcan lute, and other times they would discuss earthly literature. Jim loved those relaxing moments he spent with Spock and it meant a lot to him. These were times when Spock wasn't lecturing him or constantly reminding him of Starfleet rules. Especially since, with a few exceptions, he knew those rules very well. He just ignored them.
Jim turned his attention back to the game and moved one of his knights, and then scanned Spock. When they were facing each other, he could take the time to analyze each micro-expression of his mate, determine what each raised eyebrow was due to, what a change of gaze might mean, or a tilt of the head. Over time, he had learned to read a little in Spock, which sometimes slackened in his presence. This made Jim happy, given Spock's emphasis on logic and reason in the face of his human emotions.
He was deeply admiring it. Spock had to maintain constant control over his emotions and human intuitions. A control that could prove to be dangerous if it was ever broken. It was this kind of control that he sometimes lacked, and that had been lacking in his early days as a captain. He had bitterly learned the lesson and despite that, he was unable to make progress in that area. He acted impulsively, following his instincts.
He thought about the evolution of his relationship with Spock. Even though the relationship was not going well and they were completely opposite, they were an effective duo. Perhaps one day, if Jim could be better and act more thoughtfully, he and Spock would be an even more effective duo. Maybe one day this image of an immature, impulsive captain would stop following him, and he would be more respected by his peers. A difficult thing with the course he's had so far. Somehow, his crew had been the only one to change their opinion of him.
Jim drank part of his drink, realizing something he had never done before. He had always been ashamed of it, and tonight he needed to get it out.
"I've never apologized to you, Spock. From what I was able to tell you a few years ago, after... after Vulcan. "
He drank another part of his drink. Spock had a slight tic of surprise before answering.
"No need to apologize for that, Captain. I realized later that the purpose of your maneuver was to weaken me emotionally in order to regain a command that, in any case, was rightfully yours. I never held this against you. "
Jim nodded.
"I know, but... I never told you that. "
Spock focused all his attention on himself and Jim tried to escape his gaze by concentrating on the set.
"You didn't have to. Why now, Jim? "
He shrugged his shoulders. Maybe it was to take some weight off his conscience. To feel a little better. Because he was thinking about it, and it had to come out. Jim played a pawn without answering. Spock immediately followed up with the move of his rook. Jim grabbed his glass to finish it.
"Does your change in behavior have anything to do with last year's events concerning Khan Noonien Singh? "
Jim almost spit out his whisky as he was so surprised by the question. He put his glass down, watching Spock. His heart had missed a beat, and somehow he felt his panic rising. He hardly swallowed his whisky, trying to keep his head as he took his rider to play it. He smiled a smile as a reflex before answering:
"What change? "
He knew that playing ostrich would not work against Spock, but he had tried it in panic. He swallowed, knowing that he was totally toast. To his face, the Vulcan replied very analytically.
"In the last few weeks your behavior has changed. You are reducing your social relationships, you are more introverted: less laughter, smiles, tactile exchanges. You apologize more to others, you are more concerned, you sleep less. Your isolation is a significant trait to sadness and you only adopt this withdrawal into yourself as your birthday approaches, a date also reminiscent of your father's death. Since Captain Pike died exactly one year ago on a stellar date, I concluded that these events were the reason for your attitude. I can illustrate all my remarks with numbers if you wish. "
Spock moved his piece just after Jim's move. His bishop took the blond man's knight. Jim clenched his jaw without answering.
His birthday had never been a happy event, because his father had died that day. And his absence had been all the more present over the years. Pike had been there to serve as his second father figure and had filled the void that Jim had always felt. Then he had died, and... and in his quest for revenge, part of his crew had been swept away as well.
He placed his bishop on the second tray. He had lost the smile on his face. In any case, his fake smiles had never fooled Spock. And he didn't have the strength to pretend in front of him.
"That's not a judgment, Jim. "
The blond man had a slight grin.
"I know, Spock. But... because of my impulsiveness, dozens of people have died. "
He closed his eyes, the echoes of their screams echoing through his head. Jim had been dreaming about it a lot lately and remembered things as if it had happened the day before.
"And you saved dozens of other lives, including mine. Remember, Captain, that your actions have saved many lives. "
Jim finished his drink and played.
"I also don't forget that it was my actions that put us in this most perilous situation. "
"You did the right thing. Otherwise, Starfleet High Command would not have entrusted you with the Enterprise after it was rebuilt and you would not have retained your rank. "
The Vulcan took his turn. Jim poured himself another drink but added nothing more. He didn't want to go into it, and Spock seemed to understand that. Jim couldn't talk about it any more than that. It was still too recent. Too painful. Too present.
He drank a little and played his turn. He got distracted by his thoughts and turned his attention back to the boards to tighten up his strategy. Spock had played well and had intertwined several traps, assuring him of multiple victories depending on the moves Jim would make. He had to be cautious and consider them to counter everything. Spock's move would tell him what he would have to do. The most optimal move was to move the queen to the intermediate board. Spock moved his bishop.
Jim tried to keep his head down in the face of this move. No matter how he turned the thing in his head, the queen would have been the best choice. At best, Spock would have won in four moves. At worst, he would have won in seven. Moving the bishop... that would have kept him from winning. What was that move by Spock?!
He moved his own queen. Spock was being more lenient with him, to what, preserve his ego? He'd never done that before. How was he to consider Spock's maneuver? Spock moved his queen to the center of the stage. A late move. Perhaps Spock was distracted. Jim was tying his head in knots for nothing. He sighed, tilting his king.
"Sorry, I admit defeat. I'm too tired to go on tonight. "
He wasn't lying. He felt his fatigue and the desire to continue playing was gone. Spock stared at him for a few seconds before nodding his head.
"In that case, I'll leave you to it. Good night, Jim. "
The blond man walked him to the door.
"Good night, Spock. "
He watched the Vulcan leave in the corridor before sighing his way home. He hoped his dark thoughts would soon go away. Little did he know that this would be his last serene evening for a long time to come.
