Sasuke was stroking Sakura's head, trying to put her words together in his mind - 'Just like I killed my sister.'

He couldn't understand; he didn't even have the opportunity to, without knowing her story, but something didn't sit right with him. After all, Sakura couldn't have done it on purpose, right?

Wandering his fingers through her hair, he tried to choke out something. But what should a normal person supposedly say, after such a confession?

"Sakura," he began uncertainly, "this... I didn't expect and I'm not sure..."

"I made you feel uncomfortable, I'm sorry." she interrupted him, with shaking hands wiping the corners of her eyes "You can leave me alone, or, better than that, leave and don't come back. I'm just a burden and I'm doing everything wrong. I don't want you to suffer with me."

She was raving. Sasuke listened to Sakura's long monologue, boiling inside with anger. How could parents allow their own child to feel so awful - unwanted and worthless. Sasuke had had enough.

"Shh, Sakura, stop it already." he caught her face firmly and turned her toward him. Sakura was still breathing too fast "Listen to my voice and focus on my touch."

She swallowed saliva, letting out a trembling breath.

"Get her out of here, please."

"Sakura, Aya will be fine. You won't hurt her."

"You have no idea what," she held her breath, swaying back and forth, "I thought it was a good idea. Aya will end up dead because of me, you'll see. Then, too, it was only supposed to be an innocent walk..."

"Calm down."

Sakura shook in his embrace. Blood flew from her nose, staining her light-colored shirt. She wiped the ooze with her fingers, dirtying her cheek.

"I'll tell you." she stopped moving, equalizing her breathing "I'll tell you about that day, and you'll listen to me. You'll see what I'm really like."

(six years ago)

The calmness in her mind was all-encompassing. Her sister's medicines had a miraculous effect. With it, Sakura got rid of unwanted thoughts and sank into a world of silence.

Every day was like sailing a boat on a calm river.

Not once did the doctors notice the absence of two pills a day instead of one. They were stupid enough not to realize, even looking at Sakura's strangely oversized smile, that something was wrong here.

"Again?"

The voice reached her after some time, drowned out by a pleasant hum in her ears that soothed her nerves. Sakura opened her eyelids wider, looking uncomprehendingly at her sister.

"Hm? Oh- It's not what you think." she tried to excuse herself, but instead of a serious face, the corners of her mouth rose slowly upward.

"Sakura, you should stop."

"But it's so peaceful here." she pointed to her head, twirling circles in her hair.

Her sister shook the head at her behavior.

"This will make you die faster than me."

"Mmm, I hope so." Sakura put her head on the shelf right next to her, looking at her with squinted eyes, "There's nothing more for me in this world anyway, except pain and despair.""

"You have terrible bad thinking, little sister." the girl rose to sit down. Sakura noticed that she looked better than she had a week ago; her skin was glowing and her short hair was voluminous. Unfortunately, this was only illusory, the doctor once said. "May you change someday. And, above all, don't die before me. I want to die in a month in peace."

Sakura was no longer so laughable.

"There is still a long life ahead of you, I promise you." she embraced her bony hands in a grip.

She would never, ever forgive herself if her older sister left this world too soon.

"Maybe you want to make this 'long life' more pleasant for me?" Sakura nodded eagerly, "That's great."

Suddenly, her sister took the needle out of her vein and removed the mask, placing her bare feet on the ground. She looked at Sakura with a sly smirk.

"What are you doing?" she asked, horrified by the girl's thinness and frailty.

"We're going for a walk."

"What?" Sakura sprang to her feet, trying to put her sister back on the bed "We're not going anywhere."

"Sakura, I stayed in this hospital for a year. A year! I need to go outside!"

"Are you crazy?! Lie down immediately."

She kept trying to knock the idea out of her sister's head, but she wouldn't relent.

"If you don't come with me, I'll cut off your access to medicine." she said suddenly, shocking Sakura.

Swallowing saliva loudly, she avoided the girl's gaze, not wanting to break under it.

"I can do without it."

"Are you sure?"

No matter how hard she struggled to say 'yes', her head was telling Sakura only 'no'. Because how could she possibly imagine another thirty days without the medications that dulled and sedated her?

'Dammit.'

Sakura helped her sister up, smoothing out her hospital outfit in the process. The beeping of the machine did not stop, echoing throughout the room.

The advantage of having a private room was living on the first floor. Opening the window, Sakura sat on it, showing her sister to come up to her.

"We're not going out for a long, okay?"

She gave her a helping hand, watching carefully as she walked to the other side and touched the grass with her feet.

"Of course." Saki said, although the sly smirk never left her lips.

Looking around carefully, Sakura found that no one suspicious was nearby. Taking her sister's hand, they set off for a close-by park. The sun was setting slowly behind the horizon, enveloping the city in darkness.

Children were playing in the playground; teenagers were feeding squirrels and older people were feeding birds; adults were sitting on nearby benches reading, talking, or eating ice creams.

Joy and happiness emanated from all these people. None of them had any idea of the tragedy unfolding at Sakura's home. And as if she could, she would have swapped lives with any of them. She wanted to finally feel free from sadness.

"Do you want a waffle?"

"What - Oh, sure."

Fatigue was making its presence known. Sakura followed her sister, watching her disappearing figure without a smile. How much time did they really have left? What would happen once she died?

How much did she stand like this and wander with her thoughts? For Sakura, the minutes passed at an accelerated pace, causing her to not even know when her sister had managed to buy and return with waffles.

"With whipped cream and strawberries."

She handed Sakura the food; unlike her - with a big smile adorning her face. She bit into the soft cake, which even melted in her mouth.

They continued walking along the path, carrying on normal conversations. The lanterns lit up, making visibility easier. People were slowly returning home. They should too, but Saki didn't feel like it at all.

"I know one place." Sakura said, tossing her handkerchief into the trash "The observation tower. It's possible to see some interesting places from it. After that, we can go back."

"Fine."

They turned left, arriving at the spot five minutes later. Sakura touched the wood and stood on the step, checking to make sure everything was holding. Nothing looked suspicious. Lots of kids came to this tower every day - she herself had been here three times with Ino.

"If it gets to be too much for you, tell me." she warned Saki earlier, knowing that her sister was getting tired quickly.

"I can manage."

They started climbing, taking short breaks every ten steps - Sakura said it was for her, lying to Saki so her sister could take a breather. The wind strengthened in intensity, blowing Sakura's hair in all directions. By the last five stairs, both were already feeling extremely exhausted. Eventually, however, they reached their destination.

"Wow." Saki's mouth widened, disbelieving how beautiful it was here "Oh my God, there's that building!" she pushed off the railing and ran to the other side. Sakura continued to look ahead, only listening to her sister "I always wanted to see it and..."

Silence.

"And?" she asked, not hearing an answer for twenty seconds, "Saki?"

Sakura turned around, but didn't see her sister anywhere. Instead of her, there was a hole in the ground. The boards had broken.

"No..." she whispered. Some woman's screams sounded in the air, picking up a flock of birds "No, no, no, no."

Her eyes glazed over, and her breathing slowed and sped up alternately. Sakura approached the hole cautiously, looking down. Her beautiful, lovable, gorgeous sister was lying on the ground. Her face was illuminated by a lantern, highlighting her bluish skin. Blood glistened mingling with the grass.

Sakura, frozen in place, moved at last, running down the stairs. A cluster of people stood in front of Saki, talking to each other in terror and calling 911. Sakura was unable to approach her sister. An invisible force kept her from even taking a step.

That's why she started running toward the hospital. Fear and heart prevented her from looking at her dead sister any longer.

Running into the lobby, she looked out at the doctor, with a demented look.

"Oh, Sakura, there you are. Come to us." she heard her father's voice.

What were they doing here? They weren't supposed to show up at the hospital until tomorrow. And why did they have smiles on their faces?

Sakura, all shaken up and with tears frozen on her cheeks, approached her parents. Mebuki measured her with her eyes, saying nothing about her appearance for the time being. She was used to seeing her younger daughter in worse states.

"We have good news. From tomorrow we start a new treatment for Saki. We have more than half a percent chance that she will recover."

Her heart skipped a few beats, tears flowed anew from Sakura's eyes, and a whimper escaped from her throat. She cried openly, breathing heavily.

"Honey, why are you crying?"

She couldn't get a word out. In the distance, she noticed a doctor with an unkempt face running toward them.

"Saki is not in the room."

A flash of understanding ran through Mebuki's eyes. Sakura felt a strong impact that threw her off balance. She fell to the ground, covering her ears to fend off the awful sound of her mother's screams, as the second doctor came running over to announce what had happened.

Another hour passed as if through a fog. Sakura remembered nothing of it. She reached Saki's room, dragged by her father. Mebuki was packing her daughter's clothes and private belongings, not deigning to give Sakura a single glance.

She herself did not want her to look at her. She was tired of everything.

"You're the reason she's dead," she said, as if Sakura didn't know that at all.

"I didn't mean to." She whispered, because she couldn't do anything else.

Her throat tightened painfully as she spoke. Guilt and despair were tearing her apart from the inside.

"You killed her." Mebuki finally looked at her daughter "You fucking killed her!" she threw a small watch against the wall; a gift Sakura had once given Saki "Don't come home today, I don't want to see you." she hissed.

Kizashi didn't even realize what was happening, distant in his thoughts. Sakura's father was folding sweatshirts, his gaze fixed on the wall.

Leaning over him, Sakura pulled the medicines from the last shelf. She slipped them into her sleeve, grabbed a plushie and left the hospital. Sakura walked through the park, crossed three streets and reached a small forest. She had never seen anyone here.

Taking out a box, she poured out a handful of medicines. There were about ten of them - that was enough. What awaited her in the rest of her life could now end. It was enough that she swallowed it.

She brought her hand dangerously close to her mouth as something fell on her thighs. A bag of white powder.

Sakura immediately rose to her feet, noticing a bald boy ten steps away. He looked unkempt and about two years older, so he was probably around sixteen.

"That's better," he said, unconcerned about Sakura's terrified face.

"Don't come near me," she warned, pulling her keys out of her pocket. It wouldn't do any good, but it gave her a false sense of security. The boy squatted a little closer, "One more step and I'll start screaming."

"Relax, I won't hurt you."

Everyone says that, she repeated in her mind, not taking her watchful eye off the stranger.

"What are you doing here? And what did you give me?"

"What am I doing here? This is my territory, your presence is more surprising." he approached Sakura, and she took a step back. The boy picked up a bag from the ground, "And this is better than the medicine, I already told you. You should try it."

She already knew. It wasn't hard to connect the dots quickly. She tucked the key into her pocket, carefully watching the stranger's movements.

"Why are you giving it to me without anything in return?" she said.

"Only people who want to try it come here. If you like it, come back."

(now)

"... He knew I would like it. I was prone to addiction and he sensed that." Sasuke continued to hold her in his arms, unconcerned about the blood on his shirt "I've never seen so many people destroyed by drugs. And I was one of them. Every time I came there, I had Saki in my mind. I wondered what she would think if she saw how I ended up."

She spoke with difficulty. Sasuke was angry - not at Sakura, but at her mother. She managed to convince Sakura that the whole incident was solely her fault, without trying to listen to her daughter's point of view at all.

"Sakura." he whispered against her lips "Your sister's death was not your fault."

"We both know that's a lie. She died because of me."

"It was just an unfortunate accident."

"Which led to death." she continued, replaying Saki's body in her head again and again, "My mother still blames me for it."

"Your mother is unable to cope with her death, and neither can you,"

"And how am I supposed to do that?" to this question Sasuke did not know the answer. He had seen his brother's death himself and until now had not come to terms with what had happened, "Sasuke, my whole life has been an unfortunate accident. And since you now know my story, you should come to your senses and leave me."

"Now I definitely won't leave you."

She shook in his arms, clenching her hands into fists.

"No... Why?" she raised her head, her misty eyes fixed at his eye level. Sasuke felt like she was almost looking into his soul, "My friend left me, so why don't you?"

He intertwined his fingers in her hair, drawing Sakura's head to his chest. He skipped her question, unsure of exactly what to say.

"Aya would like to get to know you more. Give yourself a chance, Sakura."


Taking the only papers out of the cabinet, Sakura headed to the kitchen. Sasuke had communicated in the morning that he was going out to do more shopping, so he would be gone for about three hours. He left her with Aya, who was currently in the living room, which Sakura deduced by the sound coming from the TV.

Her slippers echoed off the floor. Sakura put on a robe over her pajamas, leaving washing up for later - she'd had a little trouble lately with the water not wanting to warm up, causing her to wash at lukewarm temperatures for the past six days.

As she entered the kitchen, she heard the TV being turned off. Aya sat quietly on the couch, not even moving.

"Aya, could you come here for a moment?"

The girl stood up only after a minute. She quietly shuffled over and stood somewhere behind Sakura.

"Is something wrong?"

"Would you like to help me with something? I brought some colorful papers."

Sakura sat down at the table, waiting for Aya to join her. After a while, Sasuke's niece appeared beside her, running her fingers over the papers.

"What should I do with them?" she asked uncertainly.

"I need three roses, for Sasuke. A little thank you for our last conversation." she smiled gently, wanting to relax Aya, who was still keeping her distance from Sakura after everything she had said to her "I used to make crafts a lot, but now it would be too difficult for me. So?"

She heard the girl draw in air and then let it out slowly.

"Okay."

She finally sat down and they got to work. Sakura told Aya one by one what to do, making sure she understood. She could hear the sounds of fingernails sliding over the edges of the pages, scissors cutting off unnecessary centimeters, and mumbling.

"...And once again in half." Aya followed the command. They were almost finishing the third rose "And... I'm sorry."

Aya stopped moving. Sakura pressed her lips together, wondering why she said that now. What if she had ruined the moment?

"I'm the one who should apologize." began quietly Aya "I violated your privacy, more than once."

"I forgive you." Sakura touched the finished roses. She tried to say something more; to share perhaps a piece of her life so that Aya would know why she behaved this way and not the other way, but Sakura found that she could not and did not want to share this with a child; telling Sasuke was already a feat for her. Instead, she added something else, "And thank you for the apology card. You were the first person who used Braille for me."

"Oh, it's nothing. I spent all night on it, but it was worth it..." Aya began a long monologue. The girl talked more than Sakura did in her youth. She talked about her cats and her mother; she mentioned her dad once, but quickly changed the subject; then she told stories from school, until finally she made a sound, similar to when someone gets a great idea "You should make one rose! Uncle Sasuke will be happier about yours than mine."

"Aya..."

"I'll help you."

She stood next to Sakura, grabbing her wrists. She showed the edges of the cards, told what color she had just used and what she had to do now. After half an hour, the rose was ready.

"How is it?"

"It's not bad."

"I'm back!" sounded Sasuke's voice.

Sakura tensed up, as if only realizing what she would have to give him; not saying that Aya would surely tell Sasuke that it was her idea. Before, it was just a matter of spending a moment with the girl; just as Sasuke had asked her.

"Uncle!"

The chair creaked as Aya jumped off it. She ran to Sasuke, laughing happily.

"What do you have there?"

"It's for you." Sakura heard Sasuke take the gift in his hand, "For all you do for us."

"Thank you." Sakura held her breath. A large hand caught her shoulder "This one for me too?" she sensed in his voice that he was teasing her.

"I made it for myself,"

"It's beautiful."

He snatched the rose from Sakura's hand.

"Sasuke!"

All she heard in response was Aya's giggle.

"They opened a cake shop two blocks away. I'm taking both of you there."

Sakura froze. The suggestion; although it didn't sound like one at all, more of a statement; appealed to her, but not going outside. How long had it been since she had set foot outside the apartment? Was she ready for such a big step; showing the world herself?

"Yay!"

Aya fell into Sasuke's arms.

"Sakura?"

"Sure." she said, though her heart was beating three times faster and her breath was coming hard into her lungs.


Checking the water temperature, Sakura hissed feeling only a piercing cold. No matter which way she turned the tap, the warm water never started flowing.

Covering herself with a towel, she clamped her hands on the sink.

"Sasuke!" she shouted, realizing that this was the only way out of the situation. After all, she won't go out to the people stinking of sweat.

She waited long enough to almost call out to him again. Fortunately, he showed up faster, announcing his arrival with a light knock.

"What's wrong?"

"There's no hot water. Could you look at it?"

She heard him take a shower and put his hand under it.

"They probably have some problems. I'll call the suppliers later." he touched her forearm "I'll boil water for the bowl."

Sakura blinked, squeezing the towel tighter. How does she supposedly wash herself like this?

However, she didn't have time to knock the idea out of Sasuke's head, as he had already headed to the kitchen, leaving her alone in the bathroom. Time passed slowly for Sakura, leaving her with her own thoughts for too long. Images of people who as soon as they see her will start laughing, pointing fingers or celebrating with disgust were among the many visions haunting her for the past half hour.

She'll have to find the sunglasses she once got from her mother so no one has to look at her pale eyes.

"I'll put it in the shower stall." Sasuke appeared unexpectedly "Sakura, you know I'm proud of you."

"Really?"

"Aa. Aya hasn't talked this much in a long time. Not since her father died."

"You mean you lost your brother?"

She realized how little she knew about Sasuke. To her, he was a caregiver, someone she could turn to for help and her first friend in four years. She lost herself in that feeling of support and didn't even think that his life didn't have to be colorful at all. She forgot about the mysterious man from two weeks ago.

"Three years ago."

"I'm sorry." She said with remorse in her voice.

"I don't like to hear it." she already wanted to apologize, but Sasuke silenced her "Do you need help?""

"In what- Oh... You don't have to, it will be a little uncomfortable for you,"

"You sound like I've never seen a naked woman at all."

"That's even worse. My body is not... pretty."

Old scars from self-harm, cigarette burns and needle sticking would remain on Sakura's pale skin for the rest of her life. That's why she previously wore practically only long sleeves and pants. Occasionally she allowed herself to wear a strapless blouse when she was sure no one would come to her; Sasuke unfortunately saw her like this once, but never mentioned it.

Sakura was ashamed of her body and wasn't sure that would ever change.

"To me, you're already beautiful anyway. Nothing will change that, Sakura."

Maybe it was better that she didn't see it, because her face certainly turned all red. At least she spared herself that sight.

Loosening her grip on the towel, she let it fall to the ground. It was now or never.

"Just don't stare too long."

Sakura felt him shake his head, the strands of his hair brushing her cheeks. Sasuke led Sakura to the shower, taking a small bucket and, previously checked to make sure it didn't turn out too hot, splashing her body with water. Pleasant warmth spread from her fingertips to the top of her head.

Soaking a sponge in the liquid, Sasuke gently washed Sakura. He avoided intimate places, not wanting to cross that fragile line they were already treading on anyway.

"Wash the rest yourself. I'll come back with a clean towel." Sakura sensed that this was just an excuse, but said nothing.

She took the sponge from Sasuke, now all red on her body, not just her face.


Sitting in the living room with Aya, Sasuke was spinning the keys in his hand. He tried to erase the sight of a naked Sakura from his mind - it was a gesture of kindness; he did it because that's what his job is, to help.

Or he was just trying to tell himself that. If he showed Sakura where what was, she would be able to wash herself. He didn't need to ride the sponge slowly over her body at all, washing away the lather with warm water that ran down, accentuating Sakura's figure, which Sasuke couldn't look away from.

"Do you think she'll finally come out?" asked Aya, with her head propped up on her hand.

The girl was starting to get bored. Sakura had already been sitting in the room for an hour, getting dressed and doing whatever she wanted there.

"Let's give her a little more time,"

"Does she even want to go there, uncle?"

Sasuke didn't know. As soon as he communicated about the cake shop, Sakura became quieter and more distant. She said two words at breakfast, smiled less often and ate longer than usual. She did not replicate the same enthusiasm as Aya.

Not once did she step outside.

"Shall we go?" Sakura walked into the living room.

The red dress accentuated all the curves Sasuke saw and liked. Black slippers complemented the outfit, and glasses with dark glasses covered her beautiful eyes.

"The hairstyle is what I would change." Aya said.

She bit her cheeks on the inside, trying not to laugh.

"Is it that bad?"

Sakura scowled slightly, embarrassed. Tying her hair into a ponytail didn't work out so well. A few strands had fallen out, and some were sticking up. Aya approached Sakura, grabbing her by the wrist and leading her to the couch.

"Sit down."

"What do you want to do?"

"Save your hairstyle."

Removing the rubber band, Aya straightened Sakura's hair with her fingers and, dividing it into three parts, braided it. She let two strands fall out in front of her face, adding to Sakura's charm.

"And?"

"Now we can go. No need to thank me." she added jokingly.

"I didn't mean to."

Aya laughed. Sasuke took Sakura's hand, helping her up. As soon as he held her for a second longer, he noticed a blush appearing on her cheeks. Or maybe he just imagined it? Sakura certainly thought of him only as a caregiver and someone she could talk to.

"Sakura, if this is too much for you, you can stay home." he said as gently as he could.

"I want to go with you." she tightened her hands on her dress "Just... nothing."

"Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings."

Sasuke watched as she bit her lip, breathing loudly through her nose. After two minutes, she finally spoke up.

"I'm afraid of people. I'm afraid they will look at me and laugh. When I was in school, kids often laughed at the 'worse' ones. What if now I am the person to be laughed at?"

They headed toward the door. Sasuke squeezed Sakura's hand.

"Strangers are the last thing you should worry about. You are Sakura Haruno, and none of these people will change the fact that you are a strong and beautiful woman."

Taking a white cane from the table next to the door, Sasuke took it and handed it to Sakura.

"No..." she closed her mouth, squeezing the cane tightly.

"Let me guide you."

Sakura hesitated for a moment, but only a moment, because a second later she grabbed his hand, confident that he wouldn't let her get hurt.

Taking a deep breath, they left the apartment.


after almost a year i come to the conclusion that i will never sit down to write it again, so i am posting the second part as i wrote it a few months ago

the ending is probably unsatisfactory, but the important thing is that there is an ending :D

bye bye