A/N: I used some original dialogues from Mockingjay, so please note that all rights and characters belong to Suzanne Collins.


HAYMITCH

Tonight was one of the worst nights I've had in a long time. My dreams were filled with memories so real, as if I was living them a second time. The faces of the two 12 year olds who were reaped in District 12 in my first year as a mentor, their bloody deaths, the look of sadness on the faces of their families as their bodies were delivered to them, my own family hanging, Chaff's death... it was all a maze from which I had no way out.

When I woke up for I don't know how many times, it was almost noon. I hurried to get ready to go to the kitchens, today I had to make amends with Leila. Maybe things wouldn't go back to the way they were but at least I would let her know that she was still counting on me.

"Unless you're coming to help, this isn't your place Abbernathy" greasy Sae greeted me dryly as soon as I walked through the kitchen doors. She turned her back on me and continued with her labors.

"Maybe another time. Can I talk to Leila?"

"She's not here" I huffed in frustration.

"Is she delivering lunches?"

"no."

"Where is she then?"

"Having lunch like everyone else," Sae turned and passed me a tray of food." The Mellark boy asked her to join him for lunch. Take this and go to lunch too" I did as she ordered and went to the dining hall.

I was surprised that Peeta had asked for her company, maybe he didn't want to sit with the others anymore. But to my surprise they were all sitting at the same table. I took my usual place between Katniss and Peeta. It seemed that Peeta was not only giving Katniss biting looks but also Gale, who was with us today for a change. I glanced sideways at Leila, she was concentrating on looking at her food, barely touching it. The mood was weird at the table, somewhere between tension and awkwardness.

"handsome, I heard it was your idea that gave the final lunge to district 2" Johanna said looking at Gale. He shrugged his shoulders without giving it any more importance "what will be your next great idea?" she said joking

"one that will take down as many peacekeepers in the capitol as possible" Gale laughed followed by Johanna. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Leila's enraged expression.

"So, are you two officially a couple now, or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?" said Peeta abruptly pointing at Katniss and Gale with his spoon.

"Still dragging," Johanna interjected with amusement at Katniss' mortified expression. Peeta barely seemed to contain his rage. Was he jealous?

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself." said Gale in surprise.

"What's that?"

"You,"

"You'll have to be a little more specific. What about me?"

At the guy's uncomfortable silence, Johanna answered his question "That they've replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself,"

Peeta looked back and forth between Katniss and Gale, then just held Gale's gaze. "That's what happens when your so-called friends abandon you with the enemy. If I were you I'd watch my back from her," he said coldly, getting up and leaving the table.

We all watched as Peeta walked away followed by his guards. I was glad the altercation had stayed here and didn't escalate. But I felt sorry for Katniss, Peeta had been especially hard on her. As I turned my attention back to the table just for an instant Leila's gaze and mine met, and she looked quite annoyed.

"Huh, a mutt. I wonder if..." muttered Gale to himself.

"Peeta. His name is Peeta and those peacekeepers you want so badly to take down are people with families, you asshole" Leila replied in a fit of rage.

"Leila don't you dare" Katniss warned her through her teeth, which only seemed to infuriate her more.

"Who's talking to you, you spoiled capitol girl?!" interrupted Gale "whatever, they're murderers but it must be hard for you to see it, since you're one of them."

"just like you and the little bird sitting next to you. But of course anything goes as long as it's on the right side."

"So we're the bad guys?" snorted Gale sarcastically " can't expect much from someone who has only eaten off golden plates and has never had to sacrifice anything."

"because you've had to sacrifice a lot?" scoffed Leila " as far as I know your whole family is safe and sound here. Tell me, does your conscience let you sleep at night? or your selfish ass already made you forget the child who sacrificed himself for you by defending you?" for a moment silence settled on the table, the confused face of the rest was evident but not for Katniss, Gale and me. We knew very well who Leila was referring to.

"What child? What is she talking about?" asked Johanna.

"You have no right to accuse Gale, it wasn't his fault" Katniss rebutted her by clenching her fists.

"Come on guys, this is not necessary, you have to calm down" Finnick said trying to calm the mood, while he calmed Annie down.

"Does that bother you, little bird? are you upset that I'm messing with your sweetie?" Leila scoffed again "and to think the mutt was willing to trade places with you, but here you are defending the unjustifiable and blaming Peeta for being tortured. I thought you were different but you're just a worthless piece of shit."

"Shut up!" Gale stood up slamming his hand on the table. Instinctively we all got up too "Don't mess with Katniss, you have no right to even address her, murderer" he hissed.

"Enough you three!" Finally I stepped in. I didn't like where this conversation was going at all, and it was better to stop now before it went any further.

"Why? Ah I see, you're trying to protect the little bird, we don't want to traumatize her anymore, do we?" she laughingly looked Katniss straight in the eyes "You know how they turned Darius into an avox, little bird? First they tortured him for a few days, the usual, you know."

"Leila stop it" I warned her, but nevertheless she continued and still, in a collective stupor we listened to her.

In a voice laden with bitterness Leila continued with her story "Then they took him to a procedure room, they put him on a drug that immobilized his body from the neck down, but allowed him to feel even the slightest touch of a feather. Then with ropes they restricted the movement of his head and with that metal machine his mouth was forced open while the surgeon proceeded to cut out his tongue. Only his intense screams of pain could be heard. Can you guess what his last words were?"

a tear rolled down Katniss' cheek, she denied "like a little boy he was begging for his mommy. He begged her to save him, little did he know that his mommy, daddy, big brother and wife were already dead, and maybe with any luck his newborn nephew also met the same fate" she smiled bitterly "the most fun comes later, when they lock them up with the only company being the replay of their own screams for days"

"I've had enough!" Gale burst out in anger "I'm not going to let Snow's whore give us moral lessons" we all let out a gasp of astonishment and it seemed as if time froze for an instant. I understood where Leila's anger was coming from, on the one hand from Gale's vicious comment about the peacekeepers and on the other that Katniss hadn't stood up for Peeta, not to mention that she wasn't on good terms with almost anyone at the table. But I couldn't believe he had said something like that about Leila, it was mean.

"I assure you, your little birdie would have eaten off the same golden plate if it wasn't for Peeta. Ask Finnick, nothing tastes the same again if it doesn't come in gold." Leila fixed her gaze back on Katniss "the mutt was right I should have killed you when I had the chance, it would have saved me quite a bit of trouble" she left the table and went the same way as Peeta.

"Why did you call her that?" Katniss demanded.

"I was defending you" Gale snorted in exasperation "her asshole brother won't stop talking about it, about her being Snow's mistress, the goldware and all those luxuries they lost when they were forced to be here".

"that would explain why so much overprotection and favoritism with her in the Capitol, but with Snow? How gross."

"no, Johanna, I strongly doubt it," Finnick said with a frown.

" why..." I couldn't stand being there anymore and finally I could shake myself out of the stupor I was in and decided to go after Leila.

After asking here and there I finally stumbled upon Leila's whereabouts and when I saw Peeta's two guards, I knew they were together. I signaled with my finger to the guards not to alert them of my presence, they were far enough away not to hear Peeta but close enough to intervene in time in case something bad happened. I approached as stealthily as possible, they were sitting on the steps leading to one of the upper floors of the district, and like an intruder, I stayed behind the wall unseen but allowing me to hear the whispered conversation they were having.

"... you wouldn't understand, no one understands" Peeta was saying.

"I'll try, Peeta" he sighed heavily.

"Every time I see her I...I want to kill her. Everyone keeps talking about this so-called love, but I can't feel it, I can't remember it. All I know is that she's to blame. I have this rage in here that consumes me and I..." Peeta was silent

"I know what you mean, Peeta."

"don't lie to commiserate with me, I have enough of that with the doctor" he snapped angrily

"I'm not lying Peeta, I..." Leila let out a sigh "when...when my mother got pregnant with Milly, I promised myself not to get involved, I didn't want to and couldn't afford to have that kind of closeness with anyone. Anyway I always thought she wouldn't survive. My mother, even pregnant, kept drinking and not taking any precautions. But when she was born...Milly was so little and cried all the time. I tried, I really tried not to pay attention to her but with every desperate cry, my dad would get angrier and my mom didn't seem to notice, sometimes he would threaten to throw her out the window, it was only a matter of time before he made good on his promise. She was alone and helpless, I could not let him hurt her. One day I couldn't resist any longer and took two of the bags of money Dad kept in the office, went to the poor part in search of a lactating woman and offered her the money in exchange for feeding Milly. The woman seemed more than happy to take the deal; she had a 3 month old baby and 5 more mouths to feed."

"Did your father agree?"

"No, of course not. When I came home, he was furious. He burned all my books and other things of sentimental value to me. He only agreed not to break the deal because he wanted the baby to be quiet and because he also forced the woman to be the maid in exchange for not asking for the money back. From that moment on I earned one more chain around my neck. Loving my sister was more of a punishment for me. Every time I came back from those horrible weeks at the capitol I..." Leila's voice cracked "Sometimes when we were sitting at the dinner table, and Milly was making everyone laugh with her silly antics, I hated her. She was a happy, carefree little girl, she had everything I never had, I never let her get hurt. I never got that benefit." She paused. I was standing there, frozen in my place listening to something that was a far cry from the Leila I knew. Peeta must have been quite absorbed in Leila's story because he hadn't interrupted her at any point, what effect would this have on him?

With a voice still low and trembling she continued speaking "Sometimes I just imagined killing her first and then the others. In those dark moments I hated them all, I hated Kai and Lara for the promise they forced me to make, their families and the hateful looks they gave me, without having a clue that thanks to me they were still breathing, I just wanted to take their eyes out of their sockets so they could never see me the same way again, my horrible family too. In those moments I wished they would all die, so I could finally free myself from that burden and be free. I'm not proud of how many times that idea crossed my mind and how much detail I imagined killing them."

"why didn't you do it?"

"I refused to be what they had turned me into" she whispered "Peeta, I have been an accomplice to things you couldn't imagine, I have murdered in cold blood children, innocents have paid for my mistakes if... if I cross that line, I will only be what they have always wanted me to be. I would become one more of their monsters. I don't want to be that."

"I already am that monster. You heard them, I'm a mutt."

"Listen to me carefully, Peeta. You are not a mutt" Leila's voice took on a firm tone "You are the boy who refused to play by the capitol's rules and survived, you are the one who offered to give some of your money to the families of the tributes in district 11, you are that boy who was willing to sacrifice your life for the life of the one he loves, you are the boy who shared his bread, water and medicine with the enemy and kept his word, you are the boy who saved dozens of lives by warning of the bombing here, even at the cost of his own well being. All of that is you Peeta. Don't let anyone, including yourself, make you believe otherwise. You are a good and sweet boy, who was horribly tortured, don't be hard on yourself, in time everything will get better and even if it doesn't seem like it, you are not alone Peeta. You have Haymitch, Katniss and her family, Johanna, Finnick, Annie, Delly and me."

"I'm not sure about that."

"What always helped me was forcing myself to focus on the smaller details in life that are worth fighting for. I'm not going to lie to you Peeta, sometimes it's not easy and hard to remember, but that's what you have the people who love you for."

They stayed silent. I wish I could see their faces and know what they were thinking but I wasn't sure I wanted to reveal my position. They both would take it very badly if they knew I was eavesdropping and the conversation they were having was important. With sadness I realized that the doctor was right about Leila, she should have received psychological assistance from the moment she was taken out of the arena. Maybe Katniss, Johanna, Finnick, Peeta hated their sessions with the Doc but something had to be helping them.

"Why have you been so sad today, Leila?"

"Maybe it's silly but today would be Milly's fifth birthday" Leila replied in a shaky voice "a few months ago I had promised her a huge cake and a dollhouse"

"Well, at least she won't have to taste your failed attempts" I wasn't sure if he was trying to comfort her with a joke or he was serious, but in any case Peeta's comment was out of place.

"I miss her so much" Leila with her voice cracking spoke again "she was the only truly good thing I had. I was good in her innocent eyes... My sister was the only one who really loved me and that maybe because she didn't know any better."

"maybe she's alive and you don't know it"

"no, she's dead and it's for the best. Better that she's dead than living in this shitty world."

"Hey, have you seen Mellark and Brightlock?" an elderly man caught the guards' attention. I took that moment to quickly walk away before they realized I had heard everything. The last I heard, they were waiting for them in the kitchens. I realized that today Peeta would begin preparations for Annie and Finnick's wedding cake.

With all this new information in my head, I knew I had to go somewhere before I tried to talk to Leila. When I arrived at Dr. Aurelius' office, I only had to wait a few minutes before he finally got rid of the other patient. I felt guilty about what I was about to do, if Leila found out she would see it as a betrayal. But I was very concerned about the course of her actions and thoughts lately. Making sure to remind the shrink that all the information I was going to give him was secret, I proceeded to tell him about Leila and Peeta's conversation, what happened on command, what I had seen of Leila and her father, today's altercation in the dining hall and anything else I remembered useful except for the strange relationship Leila and I had. I didn't know why but I felt protective of those private moments between us and didn't want to share them with anyone.

"I understand the concern for your friend, Haymitch, and you are right to be. I have never understood how a survivor of the games has been given such negligent treatment by our district. But I can't help her unless she comes of her own free will. As soon as I saw her I brought my concerns to the attention of the higher-ups and yet they asked me to stay out of it with her."

"I will convince her" I assured him

"Well, that would be a great help. On the other hand, Haymitch, you should also consider looking into therapy as an option."

"no doc I already have a trusted shrink waiting for me as soon as I leave this district".

"alcohol is not a remedy for..." before he continued with his bullshit I left his office.

I felt the vibration of my communicuff on my wrist. Command. I really hoped it wasn't Plutarch with another useless meeting, this time I wouldn't stay, I had more important things to do. When I got to the room everyone's face told me that this meeting had nothing to do with planning a wedding.

"By surprise they have bombed district 8 and 10 today" shit! i knew that the silence of the Capitol was not normal "resources that were going to be redistributed in the other districts, counting ours, have been destroyed"..."

"What is the plan to follow?" I asked.

"to recount the losses, to reorganize again, the most important thing is to summon all the rebel leaders" answered president Coin.

"I will take care of that, President."

"Cressida, prepare your team, as soon as we have the necessary information we must show Panem that this attack has been a desperate attempt by the capitol, that it has not affected us"

"Yes, president."

We were meeting until midnight. While the attack had not been of great magnitude, it had managed to destabilize the organization we were preparing to attack the capitol. The main concern now was to regain the lost resources, as food was becoming scarce in several districts and winter was almost upon us.

My plans to talk to Leila today had been delayed, but tomorrow would be the first thing I would do when I woke up.

As I lay in my bed I imagined the different scenarios that might play out tomorrow when I spoke to Leila. How would I approach her? Would she listen to me or was she so furious that I would have to try for days? What could make this easier? Flowers. She had told Peeta that she liked yellow flowers. Maybe I wouldn't find the same ones she once talked about but I knew that wouldn't be a problem.

As soon as I woke up, I signed up to go out with the group sunbathing at this hour. In the small perimeter we were allowed to be in I scavenged for the brightest yellow flowers I could find. When I managed to gather a decent enough bouquet, I returned back to my compartment. Looking at them one last time, I smiled, I was sure Leila would love them. It was too easy to make her happy, I didn't need a big speech, just a "I'm sorry" would do. I decided to leave the flowers there for the rest of the day. I knew that trying to talk to Leila while she was on work time would not be a good idea, she could use the excuse of work to dodge me. So I would wait until the end of the day so we could talk alone. In renewed enthusiasm I wandered the halls of 13 until it was time for lunch. I wasn't pinning my hopes on seeing Leila or Peeta in the dining hall after what happened yesterday.

"Haymitch!" called Plutarch from behind me.

"Plutarch" I greeted him

"You're going to the dining hall" I nodded "I'll walk with you. I have some bad news."

"Another attack?"

"No" he said sadly "the wedding has to be delayed".

"Well, that's to be expected. We can't be partying while districts are under attack. That doesn't encourage national unity"

"I know. But we've worked so hard on this" I shrugged "I've already briefed the kitchens so no preparations will start. Peeta is going to be disappointed"

"he'll be fin..." A first desperate scream was heard in the distance, followed by more cries of anguish. "What the hell is going on?"

"I think they're coming from the dining hall. This way." I followed Plutarch down the hallway leading to the balcony overlooking the dining hall.

When we arrived everything was in chaos. People were fleeing in panic from the dining hall, there were two big blood trails on the floor leading to two different people I didn't recognize, I could see Finnick lying on the floor holding his face, several soldiers knocked out, another one bleeding on the floor, a maddened Peeta...was being dragged by his two guards, Katniss protecting Prim with her body and Johanna struggling to dodge the deadly stabs of...Leila.