The atmosphere in Pigsy's Noodles was tense, a thick cloud of what could only be described as 'seething' hanging around one of the corner booths. On one side sat the Great Sage himself, staring icily at his opponents: Mei and Red Son, both of whom stared impassively back.
On the other side of the room, MK acted very interested in sweeping the floor, whistling under his breath.
"I can't believe you two." Wukong bristled, sitting tensely with his spine rigid. "After all this time, all we've been through, I can't believe you don't trust me."
"Monkey King. We went over this," Mei said flatly. "It's not that we don't trust you–"
"But you don't think I'm capable!"
"Frankly, no," Red Son cut in, eyes narrowed.
"C'mooooon, please let me officiate!" Wukong leaned across the table, hands clasped in a pleading gesture. "I can totally officiate a wedding! I'm a respected elder and I've got a high position - I'm literally a king, name one person better for the job!"
"Nezha?" Red Son threw out.
"Oooh, we can get a celestial to do it? Can we get Yue Lao?" Mei turned to Red Son with wide, sparkling eyes.
"Wha– no, that's not–"
"I don't think we should go that far - we don't need it, do we?"
"Well, yeah, guess not–"
"Are you two listening to me?"
"-but the bragging rights, Red Boy!" Mei cried, waving her hands for emphasis. The fluorescent lights caught the engagement ring on her finger, making it gleam. "The bragging rights!"
"You can brag that The Great Sage Equal to Heaven officiated! It's just as good, if not better! MK, kid, back me up!"
"Ohhh no," MK said, shaking his head. "I'm staying out of this."
"Easy for you to say! You already have a part in this, I've got nothing!"
Tang gave Pigsy a look across the counter. "Did he find out one of MK's clones is the emcee?" he asked, sotto voce.
Pigsy shook his head at the same time Wukong suddenly cried out "HE'S WHAT?!"
The photos had come seven months ago, in the middle of the lunch rush. Pigsy had just set down an order - thank the gods - when his personal phone went off. He'd picked it up to look just as he heard Tang choke and start coughing on his own food, and MK dropped the mop with a loud and drawn-out gasp.
Mei, conspicuously absent that morning, had sent a series of photos. In them, she and Red Son posed at the foot of a volcano (how the hell had they done that, Pigsy dimly thought) and…
…showed off their hands.
More specifically, the engagement bands on their fingers.
The group chat had promptly exploded.
The gifts from the Demon Bull family appeared two weeks later, in the form of wine bottles, gold jewelry, and red envelopes of money. There was also a brief explanation that while Pigsy and Tang weren't Mei's parents, they were still parental figures so it only felt right that they be offered bridal gifts as well.
Pigsy and Tang, for their part, had several whispered arguments over what items they should give back.
They kept a small portion of the money, two bottles of very old wine, and a nice glasses case.
"So who is going to officiate?" MK asked one day, while he and Red Son were shopping.
Well, to be more precise, Red Son had dragged him out shopping, insisting he needed a nice suit if he was going to take part. MK had protested that he had a suit already, a Western one that he hadn't worn in years and was keeping in plastic for special occasions. But Red Son had argued back that he should wear a new one. In fact, the entire "Noodle Family" should have new clothes. To which DBK rumbled that he agreed.
That was when it set in that this was Red Son's weird way of asking for a men's outing. To which, hey, MK wasn't going to turn down.
"Hm? Oh. Mei found someone," Red Son said, rather cryptically. "Try this one on."
MK took the shirt that was being lowered over the top of the changing room door. "It's not DBK, right? Monkey King would be pretty annoyed if you turned him down but then let him do it."
Red Son glanced to where a salesman was shakily trying to measure his father and Sandy for fittings, while Pigsy and Tang looked at a rack of suits together. "Regrettably, we found out pretty early on that… my father wouldn't be able to get three words out."
"Why come?"
"I brought the idea up to him, and we tried to have a practice session… He insists he wasn't about to cry, but–"
"Ohhh… Yeah, no, it makes sense."
"...he kept saying he just hadn't thought he'd ever see this."
"No, no, I get it… Well, if you need someone to be on tissue duty, I'd be more than happy with that. Tang would probably be willing, too, he had to do it for Dadsy when I graduated."
"I'll keep that in mind. Are you done yet?"
"Yeah, how's this?" MK opened the door and stepped out, holding his arms out and doing a slow turn to show off his dark gray suit.
Red Son stared at him considerably, one hand on his chin, then nodded. "It's acceptable."
"Come on, Red, I gotta be more than just acceptable for you two."
"...it's excellent."
"Wonder how the girls are doing?"
Mei sat in front of the fitting room, gasping as Bai He walked out and did a twirl in the champagne-colored qipao she'd tried on. "Ohhh, kiddo, you look so pretty!" Mei squealed.
"You think so?"
"You're gonna look awesome in the photos, I promise."
Iron Fan spoke up. "If I could offer one suggestion, perhaps you don't wear those cat pins in your hair?"
"Absolutely not, the cat pins stay."
"But it would clash terribly with–"
"The bride has spoken!"
MK did see DBK cry three weeks later, when the men went out again for Red Son's clothes.
He didn't even try to pretend it was merely allergies.
And then even later it was Wukong's turn to get emotional, when Mei walked in with the surprise officiant. "Sorry about this," she'd said with a sheepish grin. "But he said you'd see the humor in it."
The Monkey King sniffed into the white-haired man's shoulder. "You're an ass," he laughed.
"But you think it's funny."
"I do, yeah."
Weeks passed.
Mei and Red Son 'vanished' for a bit to perform the formal aspects with their parents.
And finally, it was time for 'the fun part.'
Nearly everyone had teared up at some point or another. After Red Son arrived in the car, the only one who hadn't cried yet was MK - shockingly.
Red Son's parents hadn't bothered trying to hide their emotions when he stepped out in the deep red chang pao ma gua, embroidered with bright golden dragons, the fabric shining brightly under the midday sun. His hair was pulled back into a five strand braid, decorated with gold pins, and the kohl eyeliner and red shadow made his eyes look more intense than usual. A small gold pig on a chain was around his neck - for fertility.
MK had expected him to look good, he'd seen the outfit at the shop, after all, but to see the full effect?
"I'm gonna warn you," MK whispered as he embraced Red Son in front of the Dragon family's mansion. "Mei looks even better and none of us are going to make it easy to take her."
Red Son rolled his eyes, but laughed. "I wouldn't expect less."
"Go, Red Son, go!" MK chanted, pumping his fists in front of himself. "Go, go, go!"
"Pigsy, don't you think this is a little too much?" Tang asked anxiously, glancing away from Red Son, the latter slowly chugging at a bottle of tea. Red's hair was sparking and threatening to turn into flame, his jaw locked as he tilted his head back further. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, Adam's apple moving as he forced himself to drink the abominable concoction.
Pigsy just stood back and watched, arms folded and a sly grin on his face. "No, no, he said he could take it, 'm just making him put his money where his mouth is."
"But I'm pretty sure you're only supposed to give him a spoonful! A whole bottle is just cruelty!"
"He said he could take it, so–"
"Done!" Red suddenly yelled, slamming the empty bottle back to the table. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the slight tremble of it being his only sign of discomfort. "With this, I've conquered all your pitiful challenges - spicy, sour, and bitter! I told you, nothing can stand between mine and Mei's–"
"Ah, hold on, kid," Sandy chuckled gently, setting a petit four in front of him. "You forgot 'sweet.' Don't worry," he added with a wink as Red eyed the dessert suspiciously. "It's a normal one, nobody's going overboard with the sweet flavor."
"Believe me, I wanted to," Pigsy grumbled.
"Yeah, no, I don't think Mei'd like it if her husband-to-be threw up right before the signing and the banquet," MK deadpanned as Red Son popped the treat into his mouth.
"No, I wouldn't!" they heard Mei shout from inside.
"Mei, get away from the window, you're supposed to be hiding!"
"She is hiding!"
"You too, Mrs Dragon!"
"Shoot…"
"Kid, you're killing me."
"You must not love Mei very much." Bai He stuck her chin out and held her hand out to Red Son again. "Come on, fork it over."
"I've already given you 730 yuan, you're twelve, how much more could you possibly want?"
"You gave the grown-ups more."
"Bai He…"
"Okay, no money, but you gotta offer something else."
"What do you want?"
"A new scooter, with a kitty helmet."
"Deal."
"Wha– that easy?! Wait, no, I also want the kneepads and–"
"Bai He, dear, you already accepted the bribe," Mr Dragon said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Let the boy in."
Bai He pouted, but stepped aside to let Red Son into the guest room Mei had been holed up in, the last of his 'obstacles' to retrieve her.
If Red Son looked stunning, Mei looked radiant.
Red Son could only stare as she rose from the edge of the bed and dusted herself off - though her green and white mermaid-style qipao didn't seem to have the slightest wrinkle on it. "Well, it took you long enough," she joked, hands on her hips.
The skirt of her qipao fanned out and was perhaps a little longer than it needed to be, forming something of a train behind her as she moved. The white dragon that wrapped around her dress had its tail trailing around that hem, so it gave the subtle illusion of flight. Her hair had been pinned back as meticulously as his own had, the subtle updo secured with dragon sticks that he knew had been in her family for decades, while delicate gold jewelry made with real cicada wings sat on either side. She wore a golden pig necklace to match his own, and small gold earrings gleamed from her ears - when she moved closer he could see they were in the shape of… tiny monkeys?
She met his really? look with a shrug and a smile that seemed to say I wanted to include everyone.
He just shook his head, smiling softly as he took her free hand and led her out of the room.
They got halfway out the door before Mei was suddenly grinning, hefting Red Son up into her arms, and racing for the car. Judging by the lack of indignant shouting, this had been agreed upon earlier.
Everyone stood outside, waiting for Red Son and Mei to enter the car to lead everyone to the venue.
The couple paused for a moment, Mei setting Red Son back on the ground. The two faced away from the crowd and bowed once. Then they turned back to everyone and bowed a second time.
MK could see the faintest glimmer beneath Mei's mascara'd and glittered eyes.
Then the couple straightened and faced each other. Unable to hide their smiles, they bowed to one another.
Mei's father darted forward to cover them with a red umbrella as they walked the rest of the way to the car, Mei getting ready to toss out her fan.
MK felt his throat tightening as he watched his two best friends. At his side, Tang reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of tissues.
Only then did MK start tearing up.
The fan was picked up off the ground by Bai He.
