Hello again!
Im surprised with myself that I actually get r this chapter finished before the end of the year! It's not as long as some of the more recent chapters, but dont worry, there plenty going on.
I wanted to say thankyou for everyone whos left comments and is enjoying this story. I aim to finish it sometime next year, and all of your support has meany so much to me!
I hope you enjoy!
EPOV
I called Bella as I closed the front door and made a dash through the misting rain, my coat collar pulled tight against my neck to stop the drizzle from creeping inside. There was no answer, and after a few rings her voicemail picked up, so I ended the call. She was probably in the shower or had left her phone in another room while she was busy doing something else.
Once I was inside the dry car, I sent her a message. I knew she would text back or call me when she got it.
Driving to Bella's felt entirely different from the one I'd made only two days before. That night, I'd been a nervous wreck, repeating my mother's words of encouragement in my head like a mantra.
Mom had approached me after days of me 'moping' - her words, not mine - to ask what was going on.
Needing someone to confide in, I told her everything. How I'd developed deep feelings for Bella. How I'd felt guiltier the deeper my feelings became. How I'd finally given in and kissed her on New Year's Eve. How, for a brief moment, I thought Bella kissed me back until she ran out of the room like a bat out of hell and has been essentially ignoring me since.
I could see the cogs turning behind my mother's eyes as she processed everything I'd just told her.
"I don't mean to diminish your feelings, Darling," she said carefully. "But I think some of your guilt might be an overreaction." She held up her hand to halt my protests at her blunt words. "I don't mean that your guilt isn't valid, but more the amount you feel might be… unnecessary."
"Unnecessary?" I bulked at her. "Like I can just turn it down, like a dimmer switch. That doesn't diminish my feelings at all," I added, with a scoff.
Mom sighed, her brow creasing as she was faced with my increasing defensiveness. "Okay, let me ask you a question," she started again in a patient tone. "Do you feel guilty because you have feelings for someone for the first time after Maria's death, or is it because of who you have the feelings for?"
Her question stumped me for a moment. I had so many conflicting emotions, that it was hard to pinpoint where the confusing jumble started. "I… I don't know. Maybe both?"
Mom reached over and took my hand, gently stroking the back of it in comfort and support. "Well, in regard to the first one, I know it is easier said than done, but it is okay to move on. You are young, with so much life ahead of you. Maria wouldn't want you to be alone, and she certainly wouldn't want you to be lonely. You wouldn't have wanted her to wallow in her grief if your places had been reversed, would you?"
The answer to that was No. I wouldn't have wished that for her because I loved her, and I would have wanted her to find happiness again. "Of course not."
"Maria would hate to think you had shut yourself off from the world to mourn her forever. Finding love again is not cheating on your wife. You're not breaking your promises to her. You made a vow, till death do us part, and you kept it until the moment God's plan intended. It's not wrong, or selfish, to want love, Edward."
I hated to admit that she'd hit a nerve. Having feelings for someone new, even when those feelings were unintentional and deep, felt like a betrayal to Maria and our marriage. We had been together for so long, we were each other's one and only. And for her that would always be true.
But for me… My heart had changed. Altered. Without any effort on my part, it had expanded to fit someone else.
"As for the other problem," Mom continued. "If you aren't hurting anyone, then it shouldn't matter who you fall in love with."
"What about the Di Nalis?" I challenged, one eyebrow raised. "They made it pretty obvious me being with Bella was appalling to them."
She huffed at the suggestion Carmen and Eleazar would object to the possibility again. "Don't worry about them. Family is supposed to support each other, and if they can't be happy for you, then they aren't the family we thought they were."
"You would cut them out of your life over this?" I was a little sceptical. My parents had been friends with Eleazar and Carmen longer than they'd even known each other. Those kinds of relationships were had to cut off.
Mom sighed and shook her head gently. "Carmen will always be my best friend, but she and Eleazar won't be family unless they can accept you. But I still have hopes they'll come around."
I was touched by my mother's protectiveness. "You really think so?"
She nodded. "It may take time, but I'm sure they will eventually see what I see."
"And what is that?"
"That you and Bella are perfect for each other," she said, like it was obvious.
"What?!" I asked, my eyes bulging out a little with my surprise at her statement. It also made me a little nervous. I had thought that privately, so to hear someone else say it was like hearing my own thoughts out loud. "How did you… Why do you think that?"
"It's hard to deny when after seeing you together. You and Bella are like magnets. You follow each other. When one of you moves, the other shifts to match. It's quite fascinating to watch, really."
"And that means we're perfect for each other?"
"There are a lot of things, Darling. You have similar personalities, but you're not too alike. You compliment one another. You seem comfortable around her, like you don't have to try to be someone else to please her. And I believe, from what I know of her, Bella is the same with you."
I knew she wasn't explicitly saying it, but it felt like she was implying I hadn't been entirely myself in my relationship with Maria. "Does that mean you think Maria and I weren't 'perfect' for each other? That I was pretending to be someone she wanted me to be?"
Mom looked stunned by my question. "No! Edward, no. Your relationship with Maria was built on a lifetime of shared experiences and friendship. You grew up with each other. Both you and your love changed and developed over time. Being with Maria made you the person you are today. You never had to pretend to be someone you weren't."
I felt better with my mother's reassurance, but the regret still nagged at me. "It doesn't matter anyway. I ruined everything when I kissed her," I sighed dejectedly. "I thought for a moment… I thought she kissed me back. But Bella ran away and now isn't talking to me."
"What have you tried?"
"I've sent her multiple texts, then I called her. She was evasive and practically hung up on me after saying she was busy shopping with Alice. I haven't heard from her since."
I really was trying hard not to be hurt by Bella's silent treatment. I couldn't forget the look of panic on her face when she ran from the library. I knew, in that moment, I had fucked up.
"Give her a few more days, Darling," Mom said reassuringly. "It's probably a lot for her to get her head around. But if she hasn't reached out by the end of the week, you need to go talk to her."
I huffed, running my hands through my hair in frustration. "I can't just force her to talk to me."
My mother leveled me with a chastising look I knew well from childhood. With just the set of her brow, I knew what she that of my excuses. "There have been enough misunderstandings and secrets in Bella's life lately. It won't do you any favors to provide another one. You have to talk to her about this."
The fight left me and all that was left was a feeling of foreboding. "I'm scared, Mom," I admitted quietly. "I don't want to lose her."
"I don't think you will, Edward. I believe there's more between you and Bella than either of you have admitted to.
~oOo~
Mom's words ran over and over in my head as I waited for my food order at the Chinese restaurant and as I made my way to Bella's house.
It's not wrong, or selfish, to want love… Finding love again is not cheating on your wife… Maria wouldn't want you to be alone… Bella and I are perfect for each other…
They rang through my mind again as I tried to broach the subject of the kiss with Bella after dinner. She looked so nervous and uncomfortable as she interrupted to apologize and tell me she wished it had never happened. I almost believed her when she said she wanted to forget it. But the more I analyzed her, I realized she was lying. Or at least not being entirely honest.
I had come to figure out that Bella wasn't a very good liar. She wore her emotions pretty openly on her face and once you knew her well enough, you could read her pretty easily. She was biting her bottom lip and her eyes darted around the room, refusing to look my way like she feared I'd see through her if I could look in her eyes. And she was probably right, her eyes were the most expressive part of her.
Then I remembered the way she gripped my hair and pulled me towards her when I kissed her. How sexy the soft moan that left her when our lips met was. The shape of her body as she pressed herself firmly against me. I hadn't imagined it; I wasn't that drunk. The connection between us was real, and it went far beyond friendship.
Those thoughts gave me enough courage to question her.
The joy that flooded my body when her true feelings finally spilled out, even if they were mainly confusion, immobilized me. It took me a moment to gather myself and rein in my reaction. I wanted to scoop her up and kiss her senseless, but I knew that would be the wrong move. It would only scare her off.
Instead, I settled for honesty. The truth was a healing balm. All the tangled thoughts that had poisoned me and Bella for so long were finally laid bare and it was like we could finally breathe.
We finally talked about our desires and our fears. There was still a lot that we would have to figure out, a lot of feelings that were bound to come up, but we were on the same page. We wanted each other and were willing to work it out to be together.
I didn't want to leave at the end of the night. I was so scared that she would regret everything and panic the moment I left her sight. I begged her not to change her mind and she promised she wouldn't.
I knew if I hadn't left when I did, I would have kissed her again. But we needed to take our time. Rushing into something could wreck us. I wanted to make sure what Bella and I had was real and would last. I wanted her forever.
My heart pounded against my ribcage as I thought about seeing her for the first time since our confessions. Would I be able to resist the siren call of her pillowy lips? I knew I probably would be able to resist touching her, holding her hand, or tucking a loose hair behind her ear. I longed to feel the charge that ran through me whenever my skin touched hers.
By the time I arrived at Bella's apartment complex, she still hadn't called me back or responded to my message. I didn't want her to feel like I was showing up unannounced again, so I hoped she'd seen the text. Though maybe it wouldn't be unwelcome now that knew we both wanted more.
When I knock on her door, there's no answer. Not even a noise from inside to at least prove she was in there.
I tried knocking again, that time a little louder. "Bella?! Are you here?" Still no answer.
It didn't sound like anyone was home. Maybe she's been picked up by Rose or Emmett for something last minute? She might have forgotten to call me back if it was an emergency.
My heart started to race for an entirely different reason. What if she'd had someone pick her up because she'd changed her mind, like she promised she wouldn't? I hadn't heard from her all morning; perhaps she was ignoring me on purpose.
She sounded fine yesterday when we talked on the phone. She was even flirty, saying she had been thinking of me. She had called me when she needed someone to talk to. She trusted me to support her through a difficult situation.
Trying not to panic, I pulled my phone out and dialed her number again.
The sound of her ringtone from inside the apartment sent my stomach plummeting. I didn't think Bella was ignoring me; it felt like something was wrong. Images of her passed out on her bathroom floor, surrounded by a pool of her own blood flashed before my eyes.
A more terrifying picture popped into my head. Bella lying in bed, lifeless and cold, dead in her sleep.
I pounded on the door, rattling it on its hinges. "Bella?!"
In desperation, I tried the doorknob and the door swung open with ease. I was suddenly more nervous because I knew for a fact Bella always kept the safety chain across the door when she was home. No one should be able to open the door and walk right in.
If there had been an emergency with Rose and the babies, Bella would have been out the door faster than lightning. She could have forgotten to lock it behind her. Could she have forgotten the door and her phone?
"Bella?" I called again into the quiet apartment.
Everything looked normal inside. The silence was almost aerie, the only sound the faint buzzing from the refrigerator in the next room. I walked in uneasily, looking around for any sign or clue of Bella and closed the door behind me.
Nothing looked amiss in the living room and the kitchen looked pristine, both still spotless from yesterday's frenzied cleaning. A few dishes were sitting on the drying rack, but none looked like they had been from this morning.
As I turned around, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. The lamp in the hallway leading back to the bathroom and bedroom was knocked over on the sideboard. It was the first sign of anything being awry and my stomach dropped further than the uncomfortable pit where it already resided.
"Bella?" I called again in a more restrained tone as I checked the bathroom. My anxiety peaked as I pushed open the door, the image of her lying cold on the tiles momentarily terrifying me.
But the bathroom was empty. Nothing out of place.
Her bedroom door was ajar, and the inside looked dark, like the curtains hadn't been drawn to let in the morning light. My hand rested against the wood for a beat. The memory of Maria, lying beside me in the morning but no longer my vivacious wife, made my heart raced like a rabbit in my throat. Swallowing my fear, I pushed open the second door.
I needed to switch on the light, but when I did, my eyes landed on three things that made all of my 'worst-case scenario' theories seem like 'best-case scenario' realities. One: the bed was crumpled, the blankets strewn haphazardly across the floor. Two: Bella's phone was on her bedside table, presumably where she'd put it before going to sleep last night. And three: Bella's purse was still on the chair by the dresser, where she always put it. I would bet my life that her wallet, with her ID and cash, would still be inside.
Something was wrong, something big. I knew it. What had happened? Where was Bella?
I was starting to freak out in a major way, the panic causing me to shut down. In an act of desperation, I called the one person I thought could solve whatever had happened.
After a few rings, he picked up. "Hey, man. What's up?"
"Emmett?" I practically choked my throat was so tight. "You need to come over to Bella's place. Right now."
"What? Why?" He sounded confused.
"Something is really wrong. The door was unlocked when I got here, and Bella's phone and bag are still here, but she's gone."
There was a dead quiet on the other end of the line for what felt like an eternity, though it was probably only about twenty seconds.
"I'm on my way," was all Emmett said before the call cut out.
~oOo~
BPOV
I was so hot. I felt like I was under a million pounds of boiling lava. My head was pounding, and my ears rang with a high-pitched whine. The left side of my body ached from the uncomfortable position I had been lying in for God knows how long. My arms were forced behind my back, and as I slowly regained feeling in my fingers, I realized my wrists were tied.
Memories from my abduction came rushing in and I struggled to stop a whimper from escaping. Whoever had taken me hadn't killed me, or at least not yet, so I had to try and come up with a plan before they figured out I was awake.
All of Dad's hypervigilance that I should be prepared if someone were to attack or kidnap me was starting to make more sense. He'd always told me to stay calm, assess the situation, formulate options, and fight back. He probably never thought I'd need it, but I would thank him when he found me. He and Emmett would find me. They had to.
It felt like I was in a car. The rocking motion, the soft background sounds of the road beneath us, the hard shape of the seats familiar underneath me. I could hear music, though I couldn't make out what it was, and feel the shape of a seatbelt buckle in my back. That meant they were close. If I was lucky, I might be on a seat at the back of a van, far enough away to not garner any attention too soon.
The heat and pressure were coming from what I think were mounds of blankets. They covered my whole body, one even tucked tight around my legs like they wanted to restrict my ability to kick them. From the outside, I probably looked like nothing more than a file of linen. If there were any windows that people could see inside, I'm sure they wouldn't even think twice about it.
"Fuck off, Vic!" I heard a deep, angry tone clearly through the different blankets, the music having been cut off. After a moment, the music came back on and it was like nothing had happened.
It was the first sign of my kidnapper, or it sounded like kidnappers since I tried to pry their fingers from over my face last night. Judging by the voice and the strength they had used to hold me down; I knew one was a man.
'Vic' was a different story. Were they male, Victor, or female, Vicky? If it were two men, I doubt I had much of a chance of breaking free. But if Vic is a woman, maybe I could reason with her. It sounded like the man treated her with about as much respect as he did me.
It was then that the dots connected in my brain, and I realized who these people probably were. Less than one day after the envelopes from my aunt arrived at my house, a nutjob knocked on my door to offer me some bullshit about the eternal glory of God's graces. And when I refuse her, I'm violently woken, drugged, and abducted.
Somehow, the Sanctuary of the Dawning Light was still in operation, and they had come to claim me back.
Trying to steady my racing heart, I took a deep breath and tried to assemble all the information I could. I tried to remember everything I ever learned from my father's lectures and the true crime podcasts I listened to.
There were at least two people in the car, though I hadn't heard anything that made me think there were others. I shouldn't assume though. There could be other people that helped take me, or even other people like me.
I was definitely lying across a seat, and from the direction of the motions the car rocked in, I was facing forward. So, probably not in the back of a van. I couldn't only hope we were in an SUV or something with a second back seat. It might look less conspicuous to have a mountain of blankets in the back of your car than it would to have them behind the driver.
I wanted to reach up and feel if there was a door but could not move my hands. I tried to feel around with my bare feet, but there was a blanket tucket around them stopping me from making contact. With a little manoeuvring, I wiggled a foot to try and free it from its confines.
Even those small movements started to make me sweat in the confined heat and pressure. On top of that, whatever drugs they injected me with still hadn't worn off fully, so I was already exhausted.
My movement must have jostled the pile of balanced material on top of me because suddenly the music cut off again and the blanket that covered my face was ripped back.
The woman who looked back at me from the front passenger seat was the nutjob who knocked on my door yesterday. Her hair was no longer confined to the loose braid, now wild around her face. It gave her a sinister resemblance to a lion. Untamed mane and the eyes of a predator.
"Sleeping Beauty's awake," she chirped. Her childlike voice made everything seem even more like a horror film.
"Who are you?!" I demanded. "What do you want from me?!" I sounded a lot stronger than I actually felt. I'm glad I sounded brave, because inside I was petrified.
It didn't really matter what kind of tough I tried to appear; they ignored my plea for answers.
"Don't scare the little lamb, Vic," the deep voice of the driver chuckled from directly in front of me. I couldn't see him, except the edge of his sleeve as she moved the steering wheel.
Vic laughed, the sound sending a shiver down my spine. "I'm not scaring you, am I, Pet?" she asked me, though her gaze was sharp and cunning, so it seemed like scaring me was exactly what she wanted.
"What do you want?!" I asked again, tears starting to pool as my brave mask started to crumble. I doubted either of them would give me a straight answer. "Why did you kidnap me?!"
"We're taking you home, Little Lamb," the driver said calmly, like it was a matter of fact. "The flock has been waiting a very long time for you."
"What the fuck does that mean?!" I yelled back as the tears spilled over in fear and frustration. I struggled against the bindings on my wrists, desperately wanting to reach over and hit both of the psychos.
"You should be grateful, bitch!" Vic snapped; her eyes turned malicious. "We are giving you a great gift!"
Reaching back, she flipped the heavy blanket back over my head and pressed down, directly over my face. Even through the layers, I could feel her hands as she pushed hard into my nose. I struggled to breathe, and the throbbing pain returned as my skull was forced into the firm car seat.
Luckily, she didn't hold me down for too long and I was able to take a wheezing breath. The fabric of the blanket stuck uncomfortably to my wet cheeks, in a way that I knew would be itchy as it dried.
I supposed Vic didn't want to hear anything else from me because the music was turned back on, and the volume suddenly jacked up. No matter how hard I tried to scream, they wouldn't hear me. Or if they did, they were going to ignore me.
My whole body sagged. Screaming would be useless anyway because there was no one to hear me; no one to help me. We were in a moving vehicle and there wasn't any way to escape them.
Feeling claustrophobic and hopeless, I sobbed until there was nothing left inside of me except despair.
Sorry to leave you on another cliffhanger, but I'm afraid it won't be the last time!
Next up we might get Emmett's POV as they start to put the clues together to find Bella.
I might not get another chapter finished before Christmas/New Year, so if I don't, I hope you have a good end of year festivities!
Untill next time, Lovelies xox
